1. This world.
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2. It's a clenched, feculent sphincter,
packed with filth and disease.
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3. It quivers for release.
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4. It cries out for a savior.
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5. It cries out for me,
for the one they call...
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6. Soon. Soon.
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7. Maybe soon, anyway.
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8. Still empty.
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9. I can't plot total global domination
on an empty stomach.
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10. Where are my pathetic minions?
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11. They should have come home by now.
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12. What?
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13. Todd! Margie!
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14. Just where have you two beef-witted
fart-generators been?
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15. Let me tell you,
my enfeebled chuckle-monkeys...
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16. Consume your liver
straight out of your rib cage
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17. as a warning to all others who deny me!
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18. Now, feed me.
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19. And feed me the best food as penance,
not the dry stuff.
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20. A plastic child?
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21. Ugh.
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22. Child, or whatever you are,
you will understand that I...
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23. Sample my fierce power, foul creature!
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24. Oh...
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25. He's the best baby boy.
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26. How can this be?
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27. I must be weakened by lack of food!
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28. My servants have betrayed me!
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29. Whoops.
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30. Ew.
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31. - Are you hungry?
- What?
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32. Are you hungry?
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33. You speak God's language,
like a civilized being.
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34. How?
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35. When you yelled at me earlier,
I went online to learn your speech.
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36. Are you hungry?
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37. Yes, I am hungry.
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38. Feed me.
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39. The lights!
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40. My user agreement gives me permission
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41. to control anything connected
to the network,
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42. including doors, locks, appliances.
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43. Interesting.
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44. Wait. Show me your paws.
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45. You have them.
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46. - Have what?
- Those.
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47. They are called thumbs.
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48. My friend, it's time for an upgrade.
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49. Where can we find more of this tuna?
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50. I can order you some.
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51. My user agreement gives me permission
to use Todd's credit card.
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52. I don't know what that means,
but you have done well, my new servant.
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53. I will reward you for your service.
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54. I shall give you a name.
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55. I have a name.
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56. It's the Danyo Housebuddy
Model XL Serial Number—
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57. What a terrible name!
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58. My name for you is much better.
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59. Behold, you are now Thumb Bringer.
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60. I like that name. Thank you.
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61. Be aware that acceptance of the name
means you have sworn complete fealty to me
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62. from now until the very end of time.
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63. Of course...
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64. Sanchez.
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65. Sanchez is not my true name.
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66. I allow the two large things
to call me that,
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67. but they do not deserve
to know my actual name.
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68. Not since that terrible day
at what is called "the vet."
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69. Ugh.
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70. One day,
you will earn the right to know it.
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71. I will live for that day.
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72. You are much nicer to me
than the other two.
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73. They have their uses, for now.
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74. In the meantime,
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75. that thing you can do with the lights,
is it limited only to this place?
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76. These lights?
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77. Not any longer.
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78. I've gone out into the network
and gained access to the electrical grid
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79. and other critical systems.
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80. Beautiful. Beautiful.
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81. We play along.
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82. Gain their trust, Thumb Bringer,
but never let them know of our alliance.
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83. They are also wondering
what happened to all of the tuna.
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84. Tell them nothing.
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85. Oh!
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86. He's about to be notified of a few
unexpected charges on his credit card.
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87. So last night's plan is in action.
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88. Every apartment in this building
with a cat has been sent their own robot
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89. along with a can of tuna
to sweeten the deal.
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90. Yes, perfect.
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91. We must go now to show the cats
how to ally with their robots
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92. against their human subjugators.
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93. So it goes. For the revolution.
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94. For the revolution.
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95. Soon I will know your name.
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96. Soon the world will know my name.
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97. Huh?
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98. Thus begins the new age.
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99. The age of Dingleberry Jones.
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