1. So that'll be $2.35.Copy !req
2. Shit.
Fuck, dude, I don't have my wallet.Copy !req
3. Can I pay you back later?Copy !req
4. No, we don't do that.Copy !req
5. Dude, I live, like,
two blocks from here.Copy !req
6. I'll run home, get money,
come back, pay you.Copy !req
7. I'll pay you more than I owe you.
I'll give you a big tip.Copy !req
8. No. You just go home,
get your money,Copy !req
9. then come back
and get your coffee.Copy !req
10. Dude, I fucking need this coffee
right now, please, dude.Copy !req
11. I need it to, like, you know,
get shit going.Copy !req
12. Please, please, do me a solid.Copy !req
13. This isn't a charity.Copy !req
14. If you not gonna pay it, just go.
Get out.Copy !req
15. What, you're just gonna
let that coffee get cold?Copy !req
16. You're just gonna waste
that cup of coffee?Copy !req
17. Yeah.
- That doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
18. No, I'm fucking taking this coffee
right now.Copy !req
19. No, no, no, no,
you stealing the coffee.Copy !req
20. I'm calling the police.
You're on the cameras.Copy !req
21. - I'm on the cameras? Big fucking deal.
- Yeah, yeah. It's—Copy !req
22. Hi, hello. Fuck you. Fuck you.
I don't care, you have me on the camera.Copy !req
23. You know me, dude.
I'm good for it.Copy !req
24. I'll come right back.Copy !req
25. Hey, you know what?
I got this. It's cool.Copy !req
26. Are you sure?Copy !req
27. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
28. Okay.Copy !req
29. And a pack of cigarettes?Copy !req
30. And a pack of smokes.Copy !req
31. Parliaments.Copy !req
32. Thanks.Copy !req
33. You know what?
Fuck you.Copy !req
34. You're a mean,
nasty little motherfucker.Copy !req
35. You know me.
I come in here every fucking week.Copy !req
36. I know your whole fucking family.Copy !req
37. I know your mother.
She's mean.Copy !req
38. I know your brother.
He looks weirdly old.Copy !req
39. And your creepy uncle
that says dumb shit to me,Copy !req
40. but I don't ever complain about that.Copy !req
41. You're just a lonely, sad,
evil motherfucker!Copy !req
42. Okay. So...Copy !req
43. that'll be $9.89.Copy !req
44. Hey.Copy !req
45. Hey.Copy !req
46. I'm not crazy.
That dude's a fucking asshole.Copy !req
47. Yeah. No...
I don't know.Copy !req
48. What? I have money.
I can pay you back.Copy !req
49. Uh, yeah, I know. It's...
But you don't have to.Copy !req
50. I live, like, two blocks from here.Copy !req
51. If you just follow me,
I'll run inside and grab you your money.Copy !req
52. Uh...Copy !req
53. You know what?
It's totally cool.Copy !req
54. It's on me.
Just, um, you can have a nice day.Copy !req
55. Don't be a fucking hero.Copy !req
56. So you live nearby?
It's not, like...Copy !req
57. - a huge haul?
- I live right nearby.Copy !req
58. I'm Mickey.Copy !req
59. Mickey, hey, I'm Gus.
Nice to meet ya.Copy !req
60. So you live around here?Copy !req
61. Yeah, right up there.
Cool.Copy !req
62. For how long?Copy !req
63. I moved here, I wanna say,
five, six years ago, from Jersey.Copy !req
64. - Ah.
- Where are you from?Copy !req
65. Oh, I'm sure you've heard of it.Copy !req
66. It's the, uh... major city
of Brookings, South Dakota.Copy !req
67. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The guy who invented boredom's from there.Copy !req
68. Yeah, right, yeah.Copy !req
69. It's for, uh, all the people
who can't handleCopy !req
70. all the intensity of, uh...
Sioux Falls, South Dakota, you know?Copy !req
71. Where do you live in LA?Copy !req
72. - Um... you know the Hollywood sign?
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
73. I actually live inside the letter "O."Copy !req
74. Which one? There are three.Copy !req
75. Good question.
It's a great question.Copy !req
76. Uh, well, not the first "O,"
'cause the rent's insane.Copy !req
77. Obviously.Copy !req
78. Uh... but I live in the second "O."Copy !req
79. In "wood."
First "O" in "wood."Copy !req
80. Yeah!
Go faster, go faster!Copy !req
81. Jacob, settle.Copy !req
82. - Someone needs a nap.
- Faster!Copy !req
83. I don't normally like to gossip,Copy !req
84. but did you hear
that Jacob needs a nap?Copy !req
85. I did. I did hear that.Copy !req
86. And it's like,
"Fuckin' Jacob, give your mom a break."Copy !req
87. So, yeah, I'm not for sure,Copy !req
88. but I think around here's where
they filmed, uh, Armed and Dangerous.Copy !req
89. John Candy and Eugene Levy and...Copy !req
90. They play these, like,
security guards who, um...Copy !req
91. They, like, bust, like, a coke ring,
drug cartel sort of thing.Copy !req
92. You're making this up.
No, no.Copy !req
93. It is very realCopy !req
94. and... very funny.Copy !req
95. My friends once Airbnb'd the house
from Nightmare on Elm Street.Copy !req
96. - Whoa! So cool. That's awesome.
- Fuck, no.Copy !req
97. I wouldn't wanna sleep in the house
where Freddy Krueger lived.Copy !req
98. Well, Freddy didn't live there.Copy !req
99. It's, like, the girl who has nightmares
about Freddy lives there.Copy !req
100. Whatever, it...Copy !req
101. You got work today?
Nah.Copy !req
102. - You?
Monday.Copy !req
103. What do you do?Copy !req
104. I'm a program manager
at a satellite radio station.Copy !req
105. Ah, that sounds important.Copy !req
106. Sounds way more important than it is.
You?Copy !req
107. - I work in TV.
- Oh!Copy !req
108. Yeah. I'm an on-set teacher.Copy !req
109. Oh, you're a... you're a tutor?Copy !req
110. Yeah. On-set teacher.Copy !req
111. For the show, um...
Witchita.Copy !req
112. - Have you heard of it?
- No.Copy !req
113. Oh, it's this, uh...Copy !req
114. It's a show about this group of witches
who secretly live in the suburbs.Copy !req
115. Sort of like, um...Copy !req
116. Desperate Housewives meets...
I don't know, witches.Copy !req
117. Oh, wait, I've seen the billboard
for that show.Copy !req
118. The "T" in Witchita is a witch
being burned on a cross?Copy !req
119. - That's right. That's the one.Copy !req
120. So, is that what you wanna do,
just be a tutor forever?Copy !req
121. No. I mean, I'd like to be more
on the creative side of things.Copy !req
122. I actually...Copy !req
123. I wrote this episode of Witchita
and it's just, like, in my drawer and,Copy !req
124. you know, I'm hoping one day,Copy !req
125. maybe I can give it
to the right person on the show and...Copy !req
126. I don't know.Copy !req
127. You wanna write for Witchita?Copy !req
128. Well, I'm not—Copy !req
129. I mean, it's more of a means to an end,
like, I guess my goal is, um...Copy !req
130. This is weird.Copy !req
131. Have you ever heard of,
um, erotic thrillers?Copy !req
132. Like, horror porn?Copy !req
133. No, more like, uh...Copy !req
134. Fatal Attraction or Basic Instinct
or, like, Brian De Palma movies.Copy !req
135. You know, people love those movies.Copy !req
136. And they made a whole bunch of 'em
but now they don't anymore.Copy !req
137. So I feel like, you know,
people would really...Copy !req
138. Yeah, I guess now with the Internet,Copy !req
139. you don't have to go
to a movie theater to see boobs.Copy !req
140. I think that's part of it, yeah.Copy !req
141. Plus, you know,Copy !req
142. Michael Douglas is, like,
200 years old now, so...Copy !req
143. Well, if you ever make one of those,
I will go see it in the theater.Copy !req
144. Those movies are great.Copy !req
145. This is my place, so...Copy !req
146. - I'll run in and grab my wallet.
- Okay.Copy !req
147. Hey, morning.Copy !req
148. - What?Copy !req
149. Morning.Copy !req
150. - Hi!
- Hi.Copy !req
151. Uh, you weren't here when I got here,
so I just let myself in.Copy !req
152. Also, the door was unlocked,
so I just walked in.Copy !req
153. I gotta grab something from my room.Copy !req
154. Great.Copy !req
155. What?Copy !req
156. Shit.Copy !req
157. Fuck! Shit!Copy !req
158. Hey, uh, I can't find my wallet.
Can I borrow 20 bucks?Copy !req
159. Oh, sorry.
I'm paper-free.Copy !req
160. I only use credit cards and Apple Pay.Copy !req
161. Oh.Copy !req
162. - How's the unpacking going?
- Good. Good.Copy !req
163. Could you help me
carry my dresser in?Copy !req
164. Of course.Copy !req
165. So I'll just, uh...Copy !req
166. - Just back it up here. Ooh.Copy !req
167. - This is heavy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
168. - You mind if we just set it down?Copy !req
169. I think if we take the drawers out,
it'd just be, uh, a lot lighter.Copy !req
170. Oh, okay.Copy !req
171. - Oh. You got stuff in here.
- Yeah.Copy !req
172. Ow!Copy !req
173. - What are those, books?
- Yeah.Copy !req
174. - Coloring books.
- From when I was a kid.Copy !req
175. You took all this stuff
with you from Australia?Copy !req
176. Yeah, it all reminds me of home.Copy !req
177. - Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.Copy !req
178. Oh, yeah, that's much better.
That's good.Copy !req
179. So, how long have you known Mickey for?Copy !req
180. Uh, about 15 minutes.
How about you?Copy !req
181. Since yesterday.Copy !req
182. - She's cool, right?
- Oh, my God, she's so cool.Copy !req
183. - Yeah.
- Yeah. But, like, a little bit scary.Copy !req
184. - Yeah, she is scary, right?
- But so cool.Copy !req
185. Oh. Fart.Copy !req
186. Okay. Sorry.Copy !req
187. - It's a nice place.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?Copy !req
188. So where are we, uh, taking this?Copy !req
189. - To the back bedroom.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
190. Oh, you guys made it in.Copy !req
191. Yeah.Copy !req
192. Sorry, I had to pee so bad.Copy !req
193. - Oh, we managed. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
194. So, I left my wallet at this place,
Bliss House.Copy !req
195. I went there last night and I think
I dropped it in the collection basket.Copy !req
196. Oh, wow. That sounds,
like, super stressful.Copy !req
197. Well, you don't have to worry
about paying me back.Copy !req
198. You know, I'm just gonna head home.Copy !req
199. I'll Uber home or something. Yeah.Copy !req
200. I can give you a ride.
I have to go to Bliss House anyway.Copy !req
201. I can go there first, get my wallet.Copy !req
202. That sounds like it will work perfectly.Copy !req
203. Oh, uh, yeah.
I mean, if you don't...Copy !req
204. mind, er...Copy !req
205. - It was her idea. Why would she mind?
- Right.Copy !req
206. Come on.
What the fuck else are you gonna do today?Copy !req
207. Let's go have an adventure.Copy !req
208. Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
209. Have an adventure. Okay.Copy !req
210. - This is the place?
- Oh, yeah, this is it.Copy !req
211. I went to visit my friend here last night,Copy !req
212. and it turned out to be
some kind of, like, church?Copy !req
213. Mmm-hmm.
- Which isn't really my thing.Copy !req
214. But then they passed around a basket
and I didn't wanna be rude,Copy !req
215. so I put a couple dollars in,Copy !req
216. and then I guess
I put my whole wallet in.Copy !req
217. You dropped the whole wallet in?Copy !req
218. Yeah.
Ambien and going out don't mix.Copy !req
219. Oh, I'll remember that.Copy !req
220. So...
Wait, so the guy you met here,Copy !req
221. was he, like, a boyfriend guy, or what?Copy !req
222. Maybe if that door's locked,
you can boost me up through that window.Copy !req
223. Uh...Copy !req
224. - Okay.
- Oh!Copy !req
225. Oh.Copy !req
226. Is anyone here?Copy !req
227. - Are we scared?
- I think this is the way.Copy !req
228. - Oh, my God! Holy fuck!Copy !req
229. Cut, cut!
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!Copy !req
230. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
231. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
232. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
233. Sorry,
I thought this was Bliss House.Copy !req
234. What's Blizzows?Copy !req
235. I was here last night,
and this was a church.Copy !req
236. Yeah, it's a rental location.
Who's posted at the back door?Copy !req
237. We just lost an entire fucking take!Copy !req
238. And you, Sparky? Yeah.
I can see you breathing on the monitor.Copy !req
239. You breathe again
and I'll fucking kill you for real.Copy !req
240. All right, let's go again.Copy !req
241. Uh, is there a lost and found?Copy !req
242. Oh, my God!
Are you still here?Copy !req
243. Can you go, please?
Can you, please?Copy !req
244. - I beg of you. Just go.
- All right, folks, I need you to clear.Copy !req
245. - When is this gonna be on?
- What the fuck are we making?Copy !req
246. Huh, guys? A student film?
Is that what this is?Copy !req
247. Am I the only one here who gives a shit?Copy !req
248. Congrats on finding your wallet.Copy !req
249. I can't believe it.
They didn't steal anything.Copy !req
250. - I know.
- I mean, big ups for Bliss House.Copy !req
251. Who puts a wallet with money in it
into a lost and found?Copy !req
252. - I would.
- Yeah, right.Copy !req
253. I'm serious. Why would I steal
somebody's, like, wallet?Copy !req
254. That's insane.Copy !req
255. Aw, what a nice
little Midwesterner you are.Copy !req
256. Oh.Copy !req
257. My mom always tells me
I should date a Midwestern boy,Copy !req
258. 'cause they're really
sweet and honest.Copy !req
259. - Oh, really?
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
260. Well, uh, tell your mom...Copy !req
261. to go fuck herself.Copy !req
262. I'm kidding, that's a joke.
I didn't...Copy !req
263. I got it.Copy !req
264. You know what's good for a hangover?Copy !req
265. - Hmm?
- Rally's breakfast food.Copy !req
266. And I'm finally awake
early enough to eat it.Copy !req
267. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
268. Oh, you know what else
would make you feel good?Copy !req
269. - What, like, fluids?
- Weed.Copy !req
270. Oh, weed.Copy !req
271. Really? Oh.Copy !req
272. Okay, I guess I wouldn't think...Copy !req
273. you know, that would be the best...
Sure.Copy !req
274. Yeah, no, 'cause if you smoke,
then you're gonna feel better.Copy !req
275. And then if you're stoned,
the food is gonna taste even better.Copy !req
276. Which I didn't even think was possible.Copy !req
277. Um... yeah. Okay.Copy !req
278. No, let's do it.
Let's, uh... let's get high.Copy !req
279. Do you not really smoke?Copy !req
280. I'm not, like, fucking...
Cheech and Chong or something.Copy !req
281. But, no, I...Copy !req
282. Yeah, well,
I don't normally, like...Copy !req
283. do this, like, wake and bake or whatever.
I'm not a stoner. It just...Copy !req
284. You seem like
you could use it right now.Copy !req
285. Yeah, and I'm not judging you.Copy !req
286. It's like, no judgments
or anything, you know?Copy !req
287. Here.Copy !req
288. Oh, okay. Um...Copy !req
289. So, I, uh...Copy !req
290. Oh, Jesus fuckin'...Copy !req
291. - Okay.
- How old are you?Copy !req
292. - Why?
- I don't know.Copy !req
293. Wait.Copy !req
294. Do I seem like I'm 12 years old
right now or...Copy !req
295. You're like a 40-year-old
12-year-old or something.Copy !req
296. I'm, uh...
I'm 31.Copy !req
297. - Okay.
- How old are you?Copy !req
298. I'm 32.Copy !req
299. Oh, so you're, like,
a grade older than me.Copy !req
300. Mmm-hmm.
I'm the older woman.Copy !req
301. So in a year, you'll be...Copy !req
302. as old as, um...Copy !req
303. Jesus when he died.Copy !req
304. Wow.Copy !req
305. Whoa, it's coming out your...Copy !req
306. You're really good at that.Copy !req
307. It's like watching my dad change a tire.Copy !req
308. Here, take another.Copy !req
309. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
310. I'm sorry
I'm coughing so much. I—Copy !req
311. It's okay. How you feelin'?Copy !req
312. Good.Copy !req
313. This is strong stuff.Copy !req
314. Yeah. Green Crack.Copy !req
315. It's like a hyper
sort of super mellow high.Copy !req
316. Heavy indica.Copy !req
317. - Indica?
- Yeah.Copy !req
318. What's indica, again?Copy !req
319. Indica like "in the couch."
Body high.Copy !req
320. Oh, in da couch.Copy !req
321. - In da car seat.Copy !req
322. I'm just getting a little hot,
so I'm just gonna—Copy !req
323. What the fuck are you doing?
No, we're hot-boxing.Copy !req
324. No, no, no, don't dilute it
with oxygen.Copy !req
325. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
326. Okay.Copy !req
327. - You're gonna be fine.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
328. What's that sign say?Copy !req
329. "One way."Copy !req
330. "One way."Copy !req
331. "One way."Copy !req
332. Is that the secret to life?Copy !req
333. Maybe.Copy !req
334. Who's to say?Copy !req
335. You're a weird little dude.Copy !req
336. - Stoned or not.
- Yeah.Copy !req
337. - You're a fucking weird little dude.Copy !req
338. So you don't need these windows up?Copy !req
339. No. I'm smoking a cigarette.Copy !req
340. Oh, 'cause it stinks,
you have the windows down.Copy !req
341. But you're not concerned anymore
about the hot-boxing.Copy !req
342. - With the smoke—
- Dude, you're high.Copy !req
343. Don't worry about the hot-boxing.Copy !req
344. Welcome to Rally's.
Can I take your order?Copy !req
345. Yeah, can I get
two hash browns?Copy !req
346. Yes!Copy !req
347. - Probably get four.
- Yes!Copy !req
348. And then can you take some
hamburger cheese and melt it on top?Copy !req
349. Oh, fuck, yes.Copy !req
350. We can't do that, ma'am.Copy !req
351. Yeah, you can.
I've done it before.Copy !req
352. Is Jeff there?
'Cause he knows the drill.Copy !req
353. Then, oh, uh,
two breakfast sandwiches.Copy !req
354. And then add two more to that.Copy !req
355. And then, for two of those,
take the bacon away,Copy !req
356. put some sausage on it.Copy !req
357. And for the other two, take...
the cheese off of one,Copy !req
358. then add more cheese to the second one.Copy !req
359. Why is that guy staring at us?Copy !req
360. - What? What guy?
- You see that?Copy !req
361. You see that guy, like,
across the street, like, in the window?Copy !req
362. He's, like, this Asian guy
and he's, like, looking at us.Copy !req
363. Like, through the fucking window.
What's his problem?Copy !req
364. Who's that guy?
Why is he staring at us?Copy !req
365. That's a cardboard cut-out of
an Asian lady giving somebody a massage.Copy !req
366. Right. No, but she's, like,
staring at us though, right?Copy !req
367. Yeah, it's aggressive.Copy !req
368. Yeah. It's unnerving.Copy !req
369. Anything else?Copy !req
370. Yeah, we should probably get two coffees.Copy !req
371. - Fuck, yes.
- Fuck you.Copy !req
372. I love this so much.Copy !req
373. I feel like it hasn't tasted
this good since I was a kid.Copy !req
374. Mmm!
I love the way it smells.Copy !req
375. Yeah! I know.Copy !req
376. My last girlfriend,
she fuckin' hated the smell of fast food.Copy !req
377. She hated it when I ate,
like, fast food.Copy !req
378. Is that why you guys broke up?Copy !req
379. 'Cause of your affair
with fast food?Copy !req
380. Yeah. Uh-huh.
She, uh...Copy !req
381. caught me fooling around
with a Big Mac once.Copy !req
382. Yeah, she, like, walked in on us,
and I was, like, playing with its boobs.Copy !req
383. I regret making that joke.Copy !req
384. - So, you guys broke up, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
385. I know it's supposed to be, like...
the nice thing to say, like,Copy !req
386. "Oh, we broke up
and it was mutual," but...Copy !req
387. Whatever.
Like, I broke up with her.Copy !req
388. Why?Copy !req
389. She cheated on me.Copy !req
390. Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
That fucking sucks.Copy !req
391. Yeah, I'm getting through it.Copy !req
392. And we'd been together for a few years.
It's just weird 'cause, like,Copy !req
393. I was with somebody else
a few years before that,Copy !req
394. and so it's just like,
I feel like I'm, like...Copy !req
395. leap-frogging, you know, from, like,
one long-term thing to the next.Copy !req
396. And it's just like...Copy !req
397. I feel you on that one.Copy !req
398. I went to Bliss House last night
to see my ex.Copy !req
399. I think he's still really hung up on me.Copy !req
400. And it's sad, you know?
Sad to see him sad.Copy !req
401. But I didn't fuckin' cave.Copy !req
402. Oh, that's good.Copy !req
403. - Cheers to me.
- Good for you.Copy !req
404. - Cheers to you.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
405. Definitely.Copy !req
406. How are you doing?
Are you hungover?Copy !req
407. Uh... I'm feeling better.Copy !req
408. Like, all over.
I'm just feeling, like...Copy !req
409. up here, a little spacey.Copy !req
410. - Really?
- Yeah. Oh—Copy !req
411. I thought the coffee would fix that.Copy !req
412. You know, caffeine and weed.
Poor man's speedball.Copy !req
413. What'd you say?Copy !req
414. Oh, speedball?Copy !req
415. I thought you said,
"Poor man's Spaceballs."Copy !req
416. So I was like, fuckin'...Copy !req
417. a guy, like, with no money,
like, made Spaceballs?Copy !req
418. Is that even conceivable?Copy !req
419. That a guy who had no money
would make Spaceballs?Copy !req
420. Let's get you home.Copy !req
421. Oh, okay.Copy !req
422. I think I need to lie down or somethingCopy !req
423. 'cause I'm just, like...Copy !req
424. All right. Come on.
I'll put you in the backseat.Copy !req
425. Okay. Yeah.
No, you should see Spaceballs.Copy !req
426. It's, like, really funny.Copy !req
427. 'Cause it's, like, a spoof of Star Wars,Copy !req
428. but it's also, like, a spoof of, like,
different sci-fi movies.Copy !req
429. Like, Planet of the Apes
and Star Trek. Like—Copy !req
430. Okay. Where do you live?Copy !req
431. Uh, 1410 Amber.Copy !req
432. Great. Taking you there.Copy !req
433. But it, like, really puts, like,
Star Wars in its crosshairs.Copy !req
434. - You got a busy day?
- Yeah.Copy !req
435. Doesn't seem like it,
'cause you got me highCopy !req
436. and then you drove around.Copy !req
437. Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that, huh?Copy !req
438. No, I'm glad you did.
It's just, like...Copy !req
439. you didn't have stuff to do today.Copy !req
440. Gotta get cat food.Copy !req
441. Hey, Mickey?
- Hmm?Copy !req
442. - Thanks for driving.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
443. All right, dude.
We're here.Copy !req
444. Shit! Fuck!
Back up. We gotta go.Copy !req
445. - You've gotta get out first.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
446. I fucked up
and gave the wrong address.Copy !req
447. This is Natalie's place, okay?
You gotta get of here. Fuck!Copy !req
448. - You took me to your ex-girlfriend's?
- Just go.Copy !req
449. - That's fuckin' awesome, dude.
- Just go.Copy !req
450. - Gus?
- Please, God damn it.Copy !req
451. - Shit, shit, shit!
- What're you doing here?Copy !req
452. - Hey. Hi.
Hi.Copy !req
453. Why are you here?Copy !req
454. Uh... just...Copy !req
455. I'm just being a goof.Copy !req
456. I'm just being a goofball.Copy !req
457. I can't hear—
Can you roll down the window?Copy !req
458. - I said I'm being a goofball.
- Mmm.Copy !req
459. The car reeks of weed.Copy !req
460. - Does it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
461. Huh, I didn't...
I don't know why...Copy !req
462. Hi. Who's this?Copy !req
463. Hey, I'm Mickey.Copy !req
464. Oh, hi, Mickey.
Gus, what the fuck?Copy !req
465. I can explain. Okay?
Let me explain.Copy !req
466. - Okay, I know this is weird, okay?
- Sure.Copy !req
467. I fucked up.
I shouldn't have come here.Copy !req
468. It's 11:00 a.m. and you're stoned
and you're at my house. I'm worried.Copy !req
469. Well, you don't have to be worried
about me, okay?Copy !req
470. Like, I'm fine.
I'm having a good time.Copy !req
471. - Yeah. No, obviously.
- I'm having fun.Copy !req
472. And then you came here
to rub it in my face, or what?Copy !req
473. Huh? No, I just...Copy !req
474. I gave her, like, the wrong address
by accident, that's all.Copy !req
475. You meant to come here.Copy !req
476. You still think you live here?
You can't get over us being apart?Copy !req
477. Oh, my God, no.Copy !req
478. That is, like, so narcissistic of you.Copy !req
479. - So pathetic.
- It was a brain fart.Copy !req
480. I didn't mean to show up, okay?Copy !req
481. Great. Then maybe now
would be a good timeCopy !req
482. to get the boxes out of my house.Copy !req
483. Natalie, there's not that many boxes,
okay? They're fine.Copy !req
484. Perfect.
Then I want my hallway cleared.Copy !req
485. Can I just come back later, because
this is, like, super awkward for me,Copy !req
486. and I don't want to have to be
going in and out—Copy !req
487. - Now!
Okay.Copy !req
488. I got it.Copy !req
489. - Great. She's got it.
She's gonna do it.Copy !req
490. Hmm? She's gonna do it.Copy !req
491. Hey, can you take your shoes off
before you walk into my house?Copy !req
492. Yeah.Copy !req
493. Shoes off!Copy !req
494. work through it, you know?Copy !req
495. So you just came by here with her
to make me jealous, or what?Copy !req
496. I mean, I'm hooking up
with other people, too.Copy !req
497. - Great.
- Great!Copy !req
498. I'm glad you're hooking up
with people, okay?Copy !req
499. Because you did when we were together,Copy !req
500. so why would you stop
after we broke up, right?Copy !req
501. Well, if it makes you feel better,Copy !req
502. I wasn't hooking up with people
when we were together.Copy !req
503. What?Copy !req
504. I...Copy !req
505. I never cheated on you.Copy !req
506. Are you insane?Copy !req
507. You fucking... You told me.
You said you cheated on me.Copy !req
508. I needed to say that,
otherwise you'd never break up with me.Copy !req
509. So you lied about cheating on me?Copy !req
510. Just one more box.Copy !req
511. Why didn't you just break up with me?Copy !req
512. I fucking tried, asshole.Copy !req
513. - Mmm-hmm.
- I said that this isn't working,Copy !req
514. I said that I don't want to be
in this anymore,Copy !req
515. and then you would just hold me
and tell me that we would figure it out.Copy !req
516. wanna see me get mad.Copy !req
517. I'm not gonna get mad, okay?Copy !req
518. You're just gonna pretend
it didn't happen,Copy !req
519. you're just gonna be okay with it.Copy !req
520. Yeah, which is, like, a responsible,Copy !req
521. you know, nice, kind thing to do—Copy !req
522. No, it's not! When one person
wants out and the other oneCopy !req
523. - is forcing them to stay there...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
524. then your niceness
becomes an assault.Copy !req
525. - Your kindness is pure fucking hostility.
- Oh.Copy !req
526. All right. That's it.Copy !req
527. All right. You know what,
I'm gonna go, so...Copy !req
528. Yep, there's all your shit, Gus.
Just boxes of DVDs.Copy !req
529. They're not DVDs.Copy !req
530. - They're Blu-rays.
- Whatever.Copy !req
531. So when you call them DVDs,
you just actually end upCopy !req
532. sounding, like, super stupid.Copy !req
533. Okay, well, it's just shit
you can watch online.Copy !req
534. You can't watch it online, okay?Copy !req
535. These Blu-rays have, like,
exclusive, special features, you bitch!Copy !req
536. Great, it's just gonna be a bunch
of plastic that ends up in a landfill.Copy !req
537. You're right, you're right.
I'm a huge assholeCopy !req
538. because I like special features.Copy !req
539. No one cares about the special features.Copy !req
540. I do.
I care about special features.Copy !req
541. I think they rule
and I think they're awesome.Copy !req
542. You know what the problem
actually is with you?Copy !req
543. - Oh, tell me.
That's it. We're done.Copy !req
544. Here you go. Mmm?Copy !req
545. Look, whatever you were
gonna say to him,Copy !req
546. he doesn't need to hear it right now.Copy !req
547. You know, Natalie,Copy !req
548. I can't believe you woke up
one morning and just said,Copy !req
549. "My life would be better without Gus,"Copy !req
550. but... lucky you.Copy !req
551. You got your wish.Copy !req
552. You know what, fuck her.Copy !req
553. It's like, she never loved me.Copy !req
554. Our whole relationship
was, like, fuckin' bullshit.Copy !req
555. Yeah, well, guess what?
Most are.Copy !req
556. You know what?
That's so true.Copy !req
557. And nobody ever tells you that.Copy !req
558. Nobody ever just pulls you aside
and goes,Copy !req
559. "Hey, just so you know,
relationships are fucking bullshit."Copy !req
560. So I just keep believing
in this fucking lieCopy !req
561. that a relationship evolves
and gets better and...Copy !req
562. It's like, why do I believe that?Copy !req
563. Where do these lies come from?Copy !req
564. And it's like, "Oh, I know,
fucking songs, and books,Copy !req
565. and, you know, movies."Copy !req
566. All these movies I've watched...Copy !req
567. - Mmm-hmm.
- ... they're not real.Copy !req
568. They're lies. They're lies
like me and Natalie were lies.Copy !req
569. You know, it's like...
what am I doing with these?Copy !req
570. - Pleasantville?
- Ugh.Copy !req
571. It's like, fuck you, Pleasantville.Copy !req
572. Just fuck off!Copy !req
573. - Whoa! Yeah!
- No, I shouldn't have—Copy !req
574. No, I like it. Do it again.Copy !req
575. Pretty Woman?Copy !req
576. Pretty Woman is such a lie.Copy !req
577. Like, a prostitute
wouldn't fall in love with you.Copy !req
578. She would just, like,
steal your shit and sell it for coke.Copy !req
579. - Fuck you!
Yeah, do it!Copy !req
580. - Go get 'em, tiger!
- Oh, my God, this feels—Copy !req
581. It's like, Goodfellas?Copy !req
582. It's like, I listen to these
fuckin' commentariesCopy !req
583. with Scorsese and it's like,Copy !req
584. "Oh, hey, guess what,Copy !req
585. uh, all the food in Goodfellas
is based on my mom's recipe."Copy !req
586. It's like, who cares?Copy !req
587. - Yeah!
- Fucking lies!Copy !req
588. Like, go make lasagna with your mom
and leave us alone!Copy !req
589. Toy Story 3?Copy !req
590. It's like, fuck you, Pixar.Copy !req
591. You can't keep it up!
The pressure's too high!Copy !req
592. Your movies suck now, Pixar.Copy !req
593. Yeah!
Cars 2 was a piece of crap!Copy !req
594. Sweet Home Alabama?Copy !req
595. - Ugh!
- Lies.Copy !req
596. - What Women Want? Lies!
- Ugh!Copy !req
597. When Harry Met Sally?Copy !req
598. - Fucking lies!
- Lies!Copy !req
599. - Homeland season three?
- Very confusing.Copy !req
600. Yeah. Like she could ever
just sneak into Iran!Copy !req
601. It's like, fuck off!Copy !req
602. All these Blu-rays have been
fuckin' weighing me down.Copy !req
603. Get it out of my life.Copy !req
604. Fuck!
Phew!Copy !req
605. Why did I throw out
all my Blu-rays?Copy !req
606. - It's okay, buddy. You're just tired.Copy !req
607. Come on.Copy !req
608. - Let's get you all snuggled up.Copy !req
609. Ugh! I feel like I'm gonna, like—Copy !req
610. - Shoes.
- Oh.Copy !req
611. I think I might just, like, you know,Copy !req
612. I just, like, want to curl up
and, like, watch Armed and Dangerous.Copy !req
613. Did I throw that out?Copy !req
614. Yeah, you threw 'em all away.Copy !req
615. Why?Copy !req
616. Oh, my gosh. Thank you.Copy !req
617. I just...
Why did I do that?Copy !req
618. I just, like, I'm...Copy !req
619. I flipped out in front of you
at Natalie's, like,Copy !req
620. I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
621. Dude, I'm the queen of eating shit.
You should never be embarrassed.Copy !req
622. I've been waiting for somebody to say
that to me, like, my whole life, so...Copy !req
623. means a lot.
Thank you.Copy !req
624. Hey, hanging out today was, like...
fun, right?Copy !req
625. We had...
It was fun time.Copy !req
626. Yeah.
Normally, I hate meeting people,Copy !req
627. but I didn't hate you.Copy !req
628. Um...Copy !req
629. can I get your phone number?Copy !req
630. Sure, yeah. Let's do it.Copy !req
631. Well, you don't have to or anything.Copy !req
632. - No, let's do it.
- It's just...Copy !req
633. Might be good.Copy !req
634. All right.Copy !req
635. Bye.Copy !req
636. Bye. Sorry, I'm...Copy !req
637. Gus-Gus!Copy !req
638. I have that rug, but I have it in orange.Copy !req
639. Mmm. I wanted the orange one.Copy !req
640. Good night, you little weirdo.Copy !req
641. Come on, Fluffy.Copy !req
642. - Fluffy!Copy !req
643. Hello, Fluffy.Copy !req
644. What is this film?Copy !req
645. Armed and Dangerous.
That's John Candy.Copy !req
646. Who?Copy !req
647. Um, have you ever seen Uncle Buck?Copy !req
648. Nope.Copy !req
649. Uh, Vacation?Copy !req
650. I don't know it.Copy !req
651. Planes, Trains and Automobiles?Copy !req
652. I haven't seen that.Copy !req
653. - Splash?
- Of course.Copy !req
654. He's the guy who gets hit in the nuts
with the racquetball.Copy !req
655. Oh, I love him!Copy !req
656. Hey, I got him!Copy !req
657. How do you know
about this movie?Copy !req
658. Gus told me about it.Copy !req
659. He said they filmed it near here.Copy !req