1. What's up, Grandpa?
Where you going?Copy !req
2. Holy fuck! Who the fuck is that?Copy !req
3. - Oh.
- Hey, it's me! It's me, it's me.Copy !req
4. - What the fuck are you doing here?
- It's me.Copy !req
5. What?
- You scared the shit out of me.Copy !req
6. Sorry, sorry, sorry, all right?
Don't freak out.Copy !req
7. I can't stand it when you do that!Copy !req
8. Hey, so when is your dad's birthday again?Copy !req
9. Uh, November 9th.Copy !req
10. Cool, cool, okay.
Yeah, I got a fun gift idea for him.Copy !req
11. What? Which one?Copy !req
12. Yeah, I'm gonna get him these, like,
Omaha Steaks.Copy !req
13. - You know... you know about Omaha Steaks?
- Oh.Copy !req
14. Um, yeah.Copy !req
15. Yeah. Like, they put 'em in a box...Copy !req
16. - Mmm-hmm.
- ... they send 'em off,Copy !req
17. and then you take 'em out of the box
and throw 'em on a grill.Copy !req
18. I'm gonna send your dad, like,
a couple dozen.Copy !req
19. - I think he'll like it.
- Cool.Copy !req
20. - I'll just—
- Don't touch my feet.Copy !req
21. What? Come on, you know you like that
when I touch your feet.Copy !req
22. - Come on—
- Don't touch my feet.Copy !req
23. I just think, it'd be good.Copy !req
24. I need you back.
I need you to take care of me.Copy !req
25. And... and I was thinking about us...Copy !req
26. and... about my heart
and how I feel about you.Copy !req
27. Come on, I know you.
And I love you and you're so hot.Copy !req
28. And I just... I need you, Mama.Copy !req
29. Fine. Just shut the fuck up!
I'll fuck you, but then you have to go.Copy !req
30. - You're not sleeping here tonight.
- Yeah, that's cool.Copy !req
31. I was looking at this website...Copy !req
32. - Mmm-hmm.
- ... and I found this rug.Copy !req
33. I thought it would look really good
in your living room.Copy !req
34. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
35. Yeah, I like that orange one.
It's nice.Copy !req
36. I was thinking the blue one.Copy !req
37. Sure. Blue works, too.Copy !req
38. Yeah, I mean, either/or...Copy !req
39. Orange or blue,
whatever one you're standing on,Copy !req
40. it's gonna look good.Copy !req
41. - Oh.
- Huh? Huh?Copy !req
42. I was thinking about that, um...
you know the blue rug.Copy !req
43. Uh-huh.Copy !req
44. Maybe we don't get it, like,
for my place, but...Copy !req
45. Like, what if we got it for, like,
our place?Copy !req
46. You wanna move in together?Copy !req
47. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
48. - I mean, do you? Do you—
- Yeah.Copy !req
49. - You wanna move in?
- Yeah.Copy !req
50. - Let's move in together.Copy !req
51. - Yes!
- I am God's warrior!Copy !req
52. - Yes, you are! Yes, you are!Copy !req
53. I'm gonna come.
I'm gonna come.Copy !req
54. I'm comin'. I'm comin'.Copy !req
55. Do you remember that little...Copy !req
56. The travel-size Connect Four?
Do you remember that game?Copy !req
57. What? Why?Copy !req
58. I just wanna... I wanna play a game
from my youth, you know?Copy !req
59. Nobody has the attention span anymore
to just sit and play a game.Copy !req
60. What about Operation?
Remember Operation?Copy !req
61. Ah, shit.Copy !req
62. Why can't we just sit anymore?Copy !req
63. Maybe that's 'cause you're coked up.Copy !req
64. That's not it, all right? Okay, let's—Copy !req
65. Nobody can just sit
and read a book anymore.Copy !req
66. Nobody just sits and reads a book—
All right, you know what? We'll...Copy !req
67. Let's both read books,
and we'll see who gets distracted first.Copy !req
68. We'll see...
we'll see who's gonna do that.Copy !req
69. I'm not gonna read with you, Eric.Copy !req
70. All right, this is what we'll do.Copy !req
71. I'm gonna read
Crime and Punishment, all right?Copy !req
72. And you'll read Cujo, all right?
That's what we'll do.Copy !req
73. And we'll see who can read the most pages
without getting distracted.Copy !req
74. Ready to do that?
Let's do that, okay?Copy !req
75. Cocaine, no cocaine,
my attention will not be challenged.Copy !req
76. You got a real drug problem, Eric.Copy !req
77. What's that?Copy !req
78. Well, these are the drugs
I have to take to deal with you.Copy !req
79. All right, ready?
No distractions, all right?Copy !req
80. Just read. No distractions. No.Copy !req
81. We just get right into it.
We just get...Copy !req
82. Just right into it. We're just
gonna get right into it, all right?Copy !req
83. - Ow! Ow, God.
- Ow!Copy !req
84. - Fuck... ow.
- Didn't know your knee was there.Copy !req
85. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.Copy !req
86. Okay.Copy !req
87. Hey, I love you. Okay?Copy !req
88. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
89. What's the matter? What's wrong?Copy !req
90. You say "I love you" too much.Copy !req
91. - Do I?
- Yeah.Copy !req
92. Okay. Well, I'm, like,
so sorry to be affectionate to you.Copy !req
93. - I guess that's—
- No, it's not affection, it's pressure.Copy !req
94. Because then if I don't say it back
then it becomes a thing.Copy !req
95. Well, why wouldn't you say it back?Copy !req
96. I mean, if it's true
you would say it, right?Copy !req
97. 'Cause I, like, I love you.Copy !req
98. Oh, my God, please stop saying that.Copy !req
99. - Okay, well, I do. I love you—
- Okay, stop it!Copy !req
100. - I love you.
- Stop it.Copy !req
101. - What is the fucking problem?
- Gus, please shut up!Copy !req
102. I love you. God damn it!
What is the matter?Copy !req
103. - What? Just fucking say it.Copy !req
104. I fucked another guy!Copy !req
105. Well, you know, just so you know, like...Copy !req
106. because we're broken up, that means, like,
we're not talking anymore, you know?Copy !req
107. So you can, like, text,
and you can call and, like, email me,Copy !req
108. but I'm not, like, gonna reply, okay?Copy !req
109. - So, like, once you're out, you're out.
- So we're never gonna talk again?Copy !req
110. No, because you fucked another guy, okay?Copy !req
111. I can't imagine that...Copy !req
112. that you're just gonna be around
and you're not gonna be in my life.Copy !req
113. I mean, like...Copy !req
114. obviously,
we're still gonna be friends, okay?Copy !req
115. No!
- What the fuck?Copy !req
116. This is what I'm fucking talking about!Copy !req
117. Well, what am I?Copy !req
118. Am I too nice?
Am I too mean?Copy !req
119. Yes, you're too fucking—
You're not nice!Copy !req
120. You're... you're fucking fake nice,
which is worse than being mean!Copy !req
121. You know, it's over.
I get that.Copy !req
122. It's fucking over and it's done.Copy !req
123. I just want you
to be true to yourself.Copy !req
124. Okay, being true to myself?Copy !req
125. - Yeah.
- I want you to fucking die.Copy !req
126. Okay? I want you to fucking
get a disease and die,Copy !req
127. or fucking get in a car accident and die.Copy !req
128. That's what I want,
I want you to fucking die.Copy !req
129. It's over.Copy !req
130. - Oh, shit.Copy !req
131. - What? What's wrong?
We just gotta go quicker.Copy !req
132. - Why? What the fuck?Copy !req
133. - My mom's here.
- What the fuck?Copy !req
134. - Why is your mom here?
- Oh, just go quicker.Copy !req
135. - Come with me, come with me.
- No, I can't. I can't just do that.Copy !req
136. - You're like—Copy !req
137. What the fuck, dude?
That's really lame.Copy !req
138. Oh. Well, I just...Copy !req
139. I got stuff to do today, you know?
Gettin' it together.Copy !req
140. You're really going right now?Copy !req
141. What? Yeah. Yeah, she's taking me
to buy pants and I totally forgot.Copy !req
142. What the fuck?Copy !req
143. - You can't but your own pants?
- She offered.Copy !req
144. It's not cute that you live
with your parents, Eric.Copy !req
145. You tell people it's some sort of
life hack, but it's just sad.Copy !req
146. It's sad to want new pants?Copy !req
147. All right, I'm sorry,
I'm a human being, all right?Copy !req
148. Eventually, I'm gonna need pants.Copy !req
149. Wait, you're going?
You're actually going? Eric!Copy !req
150. I don't even know why it's something
you get pissed off about.Copy !req
151. - I need new pants. What's wrong with you?
- Eric, fucking, you wait!Copy !req
152. Don't get in that car.
You were just fucking me—Copy !req
153. Good morning, Mickey.Copy !req
154. Hi, Mrs. Todd.Copy !req
155. Hey, me and Eric are going
to that new mall in Topanga.Copy !req
156. Don't get in the fucking car, dude.Copy !req
157. I'm so tired of you acting
like a fucking child.Copy !req
158. If you get in that car with your mom,
then you're a fucking loser.Copy !req
159. Snore, snore, snore.Copy !req
160. You're putting me to sleep, Ma.
You're boring me to death right now, okay?Copy !req
161. You think I'm a fucking child?
You think I'm a fucking loser?Copy !req
162. Well, bullshit, all right?
You're just as fucked up as me.Copy !req
163. The difference is
I have the balls to admit it.Copy !req
164. Ma, let's go!Copy !req
165. Eric, honey. Honey...Copy !req
166. why don't you invite your friend MickeyCopy !req
167. and we will go and get the slacks
at the mall together?Copy !req
168. He's not my friend.
His cum is still inside of me.Copy !req
169. Eric, it's over!Copy !req
170. Who even talks to
somebody's mother like that?Copy !req
171. I'm open.Copy !req
172. - Got you.Copy !req
173. Retaining a harem
of over 100 femalesCopy !req
174. will require him to fight
many challengers...Copy !req
175. Hey, um... a little help?Copy !req
176. Elephant seal pups
in such a hostile environmentCopy !req
177. can sometimes get caught
in the middle of these riots,Copy !req
178. putting them in harm's way.Copy !req
179. - Oh... Hey.
Hey, sorry about that, man.Copy !req
180. Oh, sorry?Copy !req
181. Who cares, guys? It's fine.Copy !req
182. Have fun, you know?Copy !req
183. Here you go. Oop, sorry.Copy !req
184. Cool.Copy !req
185. So you guys are up... early, huh?Copy !req
186. You on spring break or...Copy !req
187. - Oh, this is study abroad.
- In Los Angeles, huh?Copy !req
188. The college, they put us up
at the Springwood for a semester.Copy !req
189. Yeah, since this shithole is basically,
like, one step up from a dorm room.Copy !req
190. Yeah, I'm gonna miss all the drug dealersCopy !req
191. and child actors
and the sad divorced guys.Copy !req
192. Well, I'll let you get back
to your Fris-ing.Copy !req
193. Well, hey, man, we're having
a kickback tonight by the pool.Copy !req
194. You should drop by.Copy !req
195. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
We'll see, we'll see.Copy !req
196. So that's the bathroom,
we have to share it.Copy !req
197. Oh, okay.
- My mom gave me that stupid thing.Copy !req
198. - It's nice. Uh-huh.
- Um, that's the kitchen.Copy !req
199. - Do you cook?
- Uh, a little here and there.Copy !req
200. - Baking...
- Huh?Copy !req
201. You never really hear
about an Australian style of cuisine.Copy !req
202. No, there isn't any.Copy !req
203. - Hmm. No, bad, bad.Copy !req
204. - Aw. Who's the kitty?
- Ugh, sorry about that.Copy !req
205. Oh, God. Are you allergic to cats?Copy !req
206. No, no, no, I love cats.
What's his name?Copy !req
207. His name's Grandpa.Copy !req
208. I named him that 'cause
he's a reincarnation of my grandpa.Copy !req
209. - Cute.
- So what do you think?Copy !req
210. Of your, uh... Oh, here?Copy !req
211. Yeah. It's good, I like it.Copy !req
212. So you wanna move in?Copy !req
213. Um... oh, really?Copy !req
214. Yeah, I mean, you don't seem crazyCopy !req
215. and I don't feel like meeting
with a ton of people. So?Copy !req
216. Wow, okay. Great.Copy !req
217. Great. I'll text that other girl
and tell her to not to come over.Copy !req
218. You snooze, you lose.Copy !req
219. Cool. So were you, like,
living with another roommate, or...Copy !req
220. I mean, my boyfriend
kind of lived here with me.Copy !req
221. It was sort of on and off.
He'd come and go.Copy !req
222. He'd mainly live with his parents, but...Copy !req
223. then we broke up,
so whatever.Copy !req
224. Oh, um, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
225. Don't be. I'm so glad we broke up...Copy !req
226. I just don't really wanna live alone,
you know?Copy !req
227. Well, that's perfect.
We can hang out.Copy !req
228. And we will.Copy !req
229. I just wanna really clearly establish
the roommate boundaries initially.Copy !req
230. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
231. That actually sounds like
we've got a lot in common.Copy !req
232. Well...Copy !req
233. get out of my space!Copy !req
234. This is gonna be fun.Copy !req
235. But, Mother,
why is the wolf following me?Copy !req
236. Do not fear him.
He is your protector.Copy !req
237. Now that you're becoming a woman,
your powers are growing.Copy !req
238. My powers? Am I becoming a witch?Copy !req
239. We will know soon enough.Copy !req
240. When your body aligns
with the lunar cycle.Copy !req
241. Now, command the wolf.Copy !req
242. - Sabien, submit.Copy !req
243. He's not even looking at me.Copy !req
244. Uh, cut!Copy !req
245. All right, let's get the wolf to sit.
How about that? What's the problem?Copy !req
246. Arya, you have to make your hand a fist
or the wolf won't sit.Copy !req
247. I was.Copy !req
248. No, actually, you were just
holding your hand up.Copy !req
249. Are you blind or something?Copy !req
250. I was doing exactly what you said to.
The dog's just stupid.Copy !req
251. God, just check the playback,
I was doing it.Copy !req
252. Arya, superstar, what up?Copy !req
253. I'm so tired!Copy !req
254. - Evan.
- Hey, what's up, man?Copy !req
255. Hey, man. What's going on?Copy !req
256. Not much.
What do you need?Copy !req
257. - Tutor time.
- Seriously? You're doing this now?Copy !req
258. Dude, have you been paying attention?
We lose the wolf in half an hour.Copy !req
259. No, I get it. I just... you know...Copy !req
260. Arya needs her three hours of class...Copy !req
261. - every day.
- Right.Copy !req
262. I'm dealing with a child actor
and a live animal here.Copy !req
263. I— I just need you to be a team player.Copy !req
264. I know. But I feel like it's alwaysCopy !req
265. animals that are coming in and push,
you know...Copy !req
266. One day it's snakes,
the next day it's—Copy !req
267. Dude, have you ever worked
on a supernatural period piece before?Copy !req
268. Come on, man. Everyday there's
a serpent or there's a mule.Copy !req
269. I'm looking out for Arya here, okay?Copy !req
270. I don't know what to tell you, man.
They're witches, they deal with animals.Copy !req
271. Evan, she needs three hours
of class every day, okay?Copy !req
272. So we're doing this.Copy !req
273. Seriously?
That's the tone you're gonna take?Copy !req
274. Yeah, come on, man.
It's the law.Copy !req
275. - It's called working—
- What's going on?Copy !req
276. - Is there an issue?
- Susan, hey.Copy !req
277. Uh, no issues.Copy !req
278. Lovin' the scene, it's so good.Copy !req
279. Guys, this wolf is almost out the door.Copy !req
280. - Can we handle this some other time?
Yes.Copy !req
281. Right, but it's just—Copy !req
282. If Arya's not in classCopy !req
283. and somebody reports this,
we could lose our jobs and—Copy !req
284. Dude, you are the only one
that cares about—Copy !req
285. But we could.
We could lose our jobs!Copy !req
286. Hey, hey, hey.
Why are we going crazy here?Copy !req
287. Gus, listen.Copy !req
288. I respect your passion
and commitment here.Copy !req
289. - Thank you. Thank you.
You know?Copy !req
290. Yeah, and, you know,
and if the wolf goes awayCopy !req
291. before we get this shot,
you know, that's... that's fine.Copy !req
292. You know, we'll... we'll work it out.Copy !req
293. That means so much.
I appreciate that. Thank you.Copy !req
294. What would that mean, Evan?Copy !req
295. I'm guessing we just have to
come in on Saturday to finish?Copy !req
296. Uh-huh. Yeah.Copy !req
297. Yeah, just come in over the weekend.Copy !req
298. - Yep. Mmm-hmm.
- Mmm.Copy !req
299. The crew will probably not like that much.Copy !req
300. Oh, they're gonna be pissed.Copy !req
301. I mean, I guess
you don't give a fuck aboutCopy !req
302. people spending time with their kids.
Oh, wait, you don't have kids.Copy !req
303. That's for sure.
- Uh...Copy !req
304. I feel like we're wasting time
by arguing about it, so...Copy !req
305. Let's just do it.Copy !req
306. - Really? Excellent.
We'll do it. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
307. You're my soldier.Copy !req
308. All right, we got another take,
everybody. Second take.Copy !req
309. Uh, why does everyone else get a CGI wolf?Copy !req
310. Why the fuck do we have a real wolf here?Copy !req
311. Arya, hey. False alarm.Copy !req
312. It's gonna be about 50 more minutes.
And then, we'll take it to class.Copy !req
313. I can't. I need a nap.Copy !req
314. Nope. No naps today.Copy !req
315. - I've been here since 6:00.
- I know that.Copy !req
316. But how you gonna count
all that money you got if,Copy !req
317. uh, you don't know math, right?Copy !req
318. Um, Jeff, the accountant?Copy !req
319. Right, Jeff.Copy !req
320. He's an Orthodox Jew,
I think he knows what he's doing.Copy !req
321. Oh.Copy !req
322. Our next caller
is Jason from Chicago.Copy !req
323. Jason, how we doin'?
How's our day going?Copy !req
324. Well, my mom passed away.Copy !req
325. Oh. My condolences.Copy !req
326. I have to say,
I'm not too torn up about it,Copy !req
327. and actually, that's
what's kind of got me upset.Copy !req
328. The fact that I'm not upset.Copy !req
329. We can't control how we feel.Copy !req
330. And sometimes...Copy !req
331. these archetypical people in our lives,
they hurt us.Copy !req
332. And they don't fulfill the archetype.Copy !req
333. What... what's an archetype?Copy !req
334. An archetype is a...Copy !req
335. Well, I don't really have
the exact definition.Copy !req
336. I do know what it means, obviously,
because I just used it. Um...Copy !req
337. Well, thank you so much for calling.Copy !req
338. I am Dr. Greg CoulterCopy !req
339. and you are listening
to the Love and Living ChannelCopy !req
340. on Gravity Satellite Radio.Copy !req
341. You listen, we hear.Copy !req
342. Great. Great show, Greg.Copy !req
343. Oh, thanks so much, Rob.Copy !req
344. - I really appreciate it.
- So good.Copy !req
345. - Good morning, Mickey.
- Hey, you said you wanted to talk?Copy !req
346. Yeah.Copy !req
347. We need to fire Rob. Rob's gotta go.
Does that make me evil?Copy !req
348. No! Please. This is a business.Copy !req
349. You know what?Copy !req
350. Can you fire him for me... huh?Copy !req
351. - Or do program managers not do that?Copy !req
352. What? I mean, okay,
you know what? I'll do it.Copy !req
353. If you do it, Rob will think I'm a coward.Copy !req
354. Yeah, I think that's probably
the right move.Copy !req
355. No, wait, you know what?
You do it.Copy !req
356. I'm sorry, I'll stop being annoying.Copy !req
357. So what's the problem?
What did he do?Copy !req
358. Look... Rob does a great job...Copy !req
359. but the guy creeps me out.Copy !req
360. He's got this look in his eyes.
You ever meet a personCopy !req
361. and they smile, and you feel like
they're screaming at you?Copy !req
362. What? Rob?Copy !req
363. Rob's like the nicest guy
in the whole world.Copy !req
364. He's nicer than both of us.Copy !req
365. Well, he's just got this bad energy,
this aura around him.Copy !req
366. Has he ever done anything to you?Copy !req
367. He asked me do I like him.Copy !req
368. That's weird, right?
That's not a thing you ask anybody.Copy !req
369. - Let alone in a workplace.Copy !req
370. Look... I would fire him
but I can't take that on right now.Copy !req
371. This might be a difficult thing
for you to understandCopy !req
372. but I am very vulnerable in this job.Copy !req
373. I have to be.Copy !req
374. I make myself vulnerable to the world.Copy !req
375. I can't be vulnerable
around somebody like Rob.Copy !req
376. So he's gotta go.Copy !req
377. Fine, I'll do it just
to end this conversation.Copy !req
378. I'm a pussy, aren't I?Copy !req
379. I'm sorry, I'm disgusting.Copy !req
380. Okay, you know what? I'll do it.Copy !req
381. Thank you.
- Oh, question.Copy !req
382. What is a good band to work out to?
Something new.Copy !req
383. I don't know. The Monkees?Copy !req
384. That's great.Copy !req
385. Thanks, you're the best.
You know what?Copy !req
386. You fire Rob.Copy !req
387. So how was the move
out of the Springwood?Copy !req
388. Uh, you know, it's funny
it didn't end up actually happening.Copy !req
389. He finally realizes
that the Springwood rules.Copy !req
390. You love it there, right?Copy !req
391. No. I mean... not exactly.Copy !req
392. You can live anywhere in LA!Copy !req
393. Okay, like, where?Copy !req
394. I mean... I've been looking,
but it's just...Copy !req
395. I'm having a hard time
finding a place I like.Copy !req
396. You can move near me.
The Eastside.Copy !req
397. I don't know.
It's just a little too cool. And now...Copy !req
398. I'd be like the Beverly Hills guy with,
like, a white Corvette.Copy !req
399. I mean,
is that what we're doing?Copy !req
400. We're just playing
what we'd wanna be?Copy !req
401. I don't think it's, like,
what I want to be. It's, like, who I am.Copy !req
402. Like, who am I?Copy !req
403. I mean, like, where do guys
like me live, you know?Copy !req
404. Where do the, like,
repressed hostile nerdsCopy !req
405. whose girlfriend's accuse them
of being "fake nice" live?Copy !req
406. - Santa Monica?
- No.Copy !req
407. As long as I stay in the Springwood,
you know...Copy !req
408. maybe I get a text from Natalie saying,
"Let's try it again."Copy !req
409. And I can just bop out of the Springwood
back to another placeCopy !req
410. instead of like, bop Springwood,
bop new place, bop Natalie.Copy !req
411. It's crazy, right?Copy !req
412. Please don't tell me you think you
and Natalie are gonna get back together.Copy !req
413. - 'Cause that's never gonna happen.
- Yeah.Copy !req
414. You're saying it... like, it's over?Copy !req
415. She cheated on you.
Why would you wanna be with her?Copy !req
416. Gus, she sucked, man.Copy !req
417. Fuck Natalie.
And fuck the Springwood.Copy !req
418. I think you'll find someone better.Copy !req
419. You know,
I know you'll find someone betterCopy !req
420. and if you have trouble,
I can set you up.Copy !req
421. She wasn't right for you, dude.Copy !req
422. I think I gotta go.Copy !req
423. Gus. Wait. We gotta...Copy !req
424. We gotta pay.Copy !req
425. Otis, put the dirt down now!Copy !req
426. I suppose it's better than Heather's kid.Copy !req
427. - She eats dog shit.Copy !req
428. I'm serious.Copy !req
429. Oh, my God, this day is dragging.Copy !req
430. You know what
my favorite part of the day is?Copy !req
431. Taking my Ambien.Copy !req
432. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
433. There's this moment
right after it kicks in,Copy !req
434. and I'm still awake
and everything is perfect.Copy !req
435. Seriously, I look forward
to 9:30 every day.Copy !req
436. I don't like that shit.Copy !req
437. I always wake up having made spaghetti.Copy !req
438. Spaghetti is the best.
What's wrong with that?Copy !req
439. You want some Ambien?Copy !req
440. No, thanks.Copy !req
441. Are you sober?Copy !req
442. Kinda.Copy !req
443. I get it.Copy !req
444. Fuck it! Give me some Ambien.Copy !req
445. Give me a whole handful.Copy !req
446. All right.Copy !req
447. I'm sure you have your own methods...Copy !req
448. but I turn off all electronic devices.Copy !req
449. The last time I took an Ambien,
I emailed my high school principalCopy !req
450. to tell him what a great job he had done.Copy !req
451. That's why
you're my favorite neighbor.Copy !req
452. Otis, enough with the dirt.Copy !req
453. You have reached your quota.Copy !req
454. Down.Copy !req
455. You know, I guess she used to be
an extra on The Little Rascals.Copy !req
456. For real?Copy !req
457. - Yeah, no, she told me that.
Jeez.Copy !req
458. - Hey, what's going on?
- Hey.Copy !req
459. What's happening here?Copy !req
460. This old lady in E-2021 died.Copy !req
461. I guess she fell in the showerCopy !req
462. and the water kept running
on her body for, like, a week,Copy !req
463. so when they found her,
the bathtub was full of mush.Copy !req
464. Jesus! What... What?Copy !req
465. I told you not to give details.Copy !req
466. Yeah, well, you're the one
who gave me the details.Copy !req
467. She lived here for 42 years, man.Copy !req
468. Wow.
Yeah.Copy !req
469. How long have you guys lived here?Copy !req
470. Eighteen years.Copy !req
471. They're roommates but they're not gay.Copy !req
472. Yeah, Chris, I don't care. That's fine.Copy !req
473. Why, did you think we were gay?Copy !req
474. We're best friends.
This is my BFF. We're roomies.Copy !req
475. Yeah, no, he said... I didn't.Copy !req
476. I don't even care. It's fine.Copy !req
477. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
478. - Yep.
- Take it easy.Copy !req
479. Later, dudes.Copy !req
480. Hey, we're not gonna wind up
like those two guys, are we?Copy !req
481. I hope so.Copy !req
482. We should be so fucking lucky.Copy !req
483. Thirty years of friendship?Copy !req
484. We should be so fucking lucky, Gus.Copy !req
485. Fuck it.Copy !req
486. Shit.Copy !req
487. You know what I love about Uber?Copy !req
488. You don't have to tip.Copy !req
489. Fuck taxis, man.
Uber's changing the world.Copy !req
490. And you own this car, right?Copy !req
491. It's, like, a nice car.Copy !req
492. - Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
493. Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! Shit!Copy !req
494. Hello, this is Rob.Copy !req
495. Hi, this is Mickey Dobbs,
the program manager from work.Copy !req
496. Uh, anyway, you know that.Copy !req
497. Um, I didn't...Copy !req
498. Uh, I don't wanna do this
over voicemail, but, um...Copy !req
499. Hello?Copy !req
500. Hello? Is this...Copy !req
501. is this one of those
trick voicemail things?Copy !req
502. Mickey, is that you?Copy !req
503. God! Sorry! Your voice doesn't normally
sound so message-y.Copy !req
504. No, it's me.Copy !req
505. We're gonna put Frozen on
in one second, honey, I promise.Copy !req
506. Is everything okay?Copy !req
507. Um... I don't know how to say this, uh...Copy !req
508. I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna come right outCopy !req
509. and say it to you,
'cause I respect you, okay, Rob?Copy !req
510. You are fired from, you know, work.Copy !req
511. What?Copy !req
512. Greg told you to fire me?Copy !req
513. Yeah. Aw.Copy !req
514. But... it's nothing personal.Copy !req
515. Sure, it's not personal.Copy !req
516. You're just Dr. Greg's little henchman,
that's all.Copy !req
517. Oh, come on, man.
Aren't we all henchmen?Copy !req
518. "Aren't we all henchmen?"
What the fuck does that mean?Copy !req
519. Are you high right now?Copy !req
520. Are you on drugs?Copy !req
521. - Drugs?Copy !req
522. Oh, so you're firing me over the phone
while you drive on drugs?Copy !req
523. That's great.
Why don't you show my daughter that?Copy !req
524. Tell my six-year-old daughter that.
Go ahead.Copy !req
525. Hey, look, I drew a big star.Copy !req
526. Oh, she drew a big star...
you fucking cock-whore!Copy !req
527. Whoa, dude, uncalled for! Shit!Copy !req
528. Mickey.Copy !req
529. - What the fuck are you wearing?
- Aw.Copy !req
530. I'm glad you made it.Copy !req
531. This is a really weird bar.Copy !req
532. It's not a bar.
You haven't heard of Bliss House?Copy !req
533. No. What is this, like, a...Copy !req
534. like, a club for old people?Copy !req
535. It's a church.
Well, they say it's...Copy !req
536. like a church for all churches, you know.Copy !req
537. It's more about oneness and togetherness,
not so much a higher being.Copy !req
538. But I'm... I'm trying to say
I'm sorry, all right?Copy !req
539. This is... this is how I'm trying to say
I'm sorry to you.Copy !req
540. The midnight service is the best one.Copy !req
541. - You're gonna love it.
- Fuck, no.Copy !req
542. Dude, no, no, I can't do that.Copy !req
543. I'm wearing, like,
a one-piece under jeans.Copy !req
544. Hey! Our buddy from the balcony!Copy !req
545. Hey, what's up? You guys!
All right. There you are.Copy !req
546. You dropped by.
You even brought your work backpack.Copy !req
547. I'm Gus, by the way.Copy !req
548. - I'm Nate. Good to meet you.
- Hello. Hi.Copy !req
549. - Hey, I'm Hailey.
- Did you get a drink yet, man?Copy !req
550. Uh, you know what?Copy !req
551. Yeah. Give me a beer.Copy !req
552. - Give you a—
Yeah, give me a beer. Cool.Copy !req
553. Yeah, all right. Okay.Copy !req
554. - Beer.
- Thank you. Thanks.Copy !req
555. - Cheers.
- Yeah.Copy !req
556. Good evening,
blessed specimens of this lifetime.Copy !req
557. How are you all feeling?
I wanna hear you.Copy !req
558. Tonight, we stand togetherCopy !req
559. in a vibratory field
of an advancing potential,Copy !req
560. the foundation of which is love.Copy !req
561. Love doesn't just happen,
we have to choose it.Copy !req
562. We are in a phase of evolution
where we have to agree with love.Copy !req
563. We are in a phase of evolution
where we have to embrace love.Copy !req
564. We have to see love, feel love,
touch love, heal love.Copy !req
565. From the very core of our inner sanction.Copy !req
566. Right? You guys know
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
567. - Come on, let me hear you.Copy !req
568. Holy fuck.Copy !req
569. You guys are doing it right.
Seriously.Copy !req
570. All of you guys, this is, like,
what your twenties should be about.Copy !req
571. Having fun, going wild.Copy !req
572. Ever since I was a little kid,
I've been acting like a grown-up.Copy !req
573. And now, it's like,
I'm in my thirties,Copy !req
574. and I'm, like...Copy !req
575. "Oh, my God!"Copy !req
576. I need to make up for lost time.Copy !req
577. Hey, let's get fucking crazy tonight!Copy !req
578. Will you shut the fuck up?Copy !req
579. This is a family community.Copy !req
580. Families live here.
This isn't fucking Club Med!Copy !req
581. Hey! Uh, why don't you just, uh,Copy !req
582. let us enjoy this
one special moment in our lives...Copy !req
583. before we, you know,
fucking slip in a shower and turn to mush?Copy !req
584. Go fuck yourself, man!Copy !req
585. - I love you guys!Copy !req
586. I love this place!Copy !req
587. Guys, thank you so much.Copy !req
588. So fun. Really—Copy !req
589. - You're the man, Gus.
You guys are...Copy !req
590. - All right, we'll see you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.Copy !req
591. Hey, what are you doing now?Copy !req
592. Me? Um, sawing some logs.Copy !req
593. What... What does... What does that mean?Copy !req
594. I don't know what that means.Copy !req
595. It means sleeping.
It's like an old expression for sleeping.Copy !req
596. - Oh.
- Well, uh—Copy !req
597. We still have a couple of hours to kill.
Do you wanna hang out at your place?Copy !req
598. Uh...Copy !req
599. Yeah. Well, okay.
It's a little messy, if that's cool.Copy !req
600. Oh, God, it's fine.Copy !req
601. Oh, my God! Your bedroom is
literally identical to ours.Copy !req
602. - No way. Really?
- Yeah. It's so lame, right?Copy !req
603. Hey, look at these candles!Copy !req
604. - They've never even been lit.
So lame.Copy !req
605. It's crazy they have
all the same stuff in every...Copy !req
606. - Yeah.
- I know.Copy !req
607. - It's nuts.
- It's, uh... They're like clones.Copy !req
608. - They're clones of each other.Copy !req
609. I'm gonna miss it though.Copy !req
610. It sucks that we have
to leave and fly back.Copy !req
611. Uh...
- We wanna move to LA after college.Copy !req
612. - Ooh.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
613. - Yeah.
- Oh, that's cool.Copy !req
614. Yeah, 'cause we never did anything fun
while we were here.Copy !req
615. We had all these, like, wild, crazy plans.Copy !req
616. - Oh, really? Like what?Copy !req
617. You guys wanted to go to Six Flags
or something, right?Copy !req
618. No, like, um...Copy !req
619. I don't know, uh...Copy !req
620. - Never mind.Copy !req
621. Uh...Copy !req
622. - You guys are—
- We, uh...Copy !req
623. We... we kinda...Copy !req
624. - We wanted to have a three-way.Copy !req
625. Oh. Oh, okay.Copy !req
626. Yeah.Copy !req
627. - Yeah. Uh, have—
- Yeah.Copy !req
628. Have you ever had one?Copy !req
629. Uh, no.Copy !req
630. - Mmm. Okay.
- I... I don't think I have. No.Copy !req
631. - No, haven't had a three-way.Copy !req
632. Well, um, I know Reese hasn't...Copy !req
633. - No? Right.
- ... and I haven't, and, uh...Copy !req
634. - And I— Yeah, I haven't. Yeah. No.
- And... you haven't.Copy !req
635. So, yeah.Copy !req
636. Um, so, is... is it happening?Copy !req
637. Now, is this it?
This is the three-way? Yeah?Copy !req
638. - Yes, Gus.
- Okay.Copy !req
639. I think that was clear.Copy !req
640. Cool.Copy !req
641. Children, please, step inside
our vibratory field of energy and loveCopy !req
642. and receive our message.Copy !req
643. Remember, if you ask the world for love,
you will receive love.Copy !req
644. All of tonight's newcomers, please rise.Copy !req
645. Come on. I know—
I know you're digging this.Copy !req
646. All right, fuck it.Copy !req
647. We speak from our eyes and say,
welcome home.Copy !req
648. "Welcome home."Copy !req
649. We love you.
"We love you."Copy !req
650. We walk in your hearts,
and embrace your soul.Copy !req
651. "We walk in your hearts,
and embrace your soul."Copy !req
652. Please, welcome our newcomers.Copy !req
653. This brings our service to an end.Copy !req
654. If you didn't get a chance to donate,
the tithing baskets are up front.Copy !req
655. Can I ask something?Copy !req
656. Yes.Copy !req
657. Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.Copy !req
658. Speak what's in your heart.Copy !req
659. Hi, guys. Sorry,
I'm on Ambien, so it's, um...Copy !req
660. You said earlier that if you ask for love,
the world will send you love back.Copy !req
661. But I've been asking and asking,Copy !req
662. and I haven't gotten fucking anything.Copy !req
663. Hoping and waiting and wishing
and wanting love...Copy !req
664. Hoping... hoping for love
has fucking ruined my life.Copy !req
665. And you're right, Eric. I am a fuck-up.Copy !req
666. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
667. But I refuse to believeCopy !req
668. that all those dipshits
I went to high school with,Copy !req
669. who are married now and putting pictures
on Facebook every dayCopy !req
670. of their kids in little headbands
have it all figured out, right?Copy !req
671. That's gotta be bullshit.Copy !req
672. That can't be the deal.
That can't be it.Copy !req
673. I know it's, like, not appropriate to be
standing up here in a bathing suit...Copy !req
674. but I took an Ambien tonight.Copy !req
675. I... I was supposed to go to sleep,
but then he called me to come here.Copy !req
676. - I'm really sorry.
- Okay... okay.Copy !req
677. - So sorry.
It's okay. Thank you.Copy !req
678. So many of you.Copy !req
679. I'm sorry, I'm just having so much, uh...Copy !req
680. - Yes.Copy !req
681. Uh... ah, okay.Copy !req
682. Oh. Whoa.Copy !req
683. Uh, hey, um, hang on...Copy !req
684. I'm gonna put on a condom, all right?Copy !req
685. I'm... I'm gonna put on a condom
real quick, okay?Copy !req
686. - Excuse me. Sorry, pardon me.
- Okay.Copy !req
687. So, uh, you know, you two can, uh,
kiss each other if you want, you know.Copy !req
688. - Nah, that's okay.
- No. We don't really want to.Copy !req
689. - You're sure? Really?
Yeah.Copy !req
690. 'Cause otherwise,
it's not really, like, a threesome.Copy !req
691. It's more like, you know,
two adjacent twosomes or...Copy !req
692. - Nah. It's not our thing.
- No?Copy !req
693. Oh, I see, it's sort of, like,
um, I'm like the conduit.Copy !req
694. We're sisters.Copy !req
695. What the fuck? Jesus! Ew!Copy !req
696. I mean, I'm sorry, I don't mean, "Ew,"
but just, like, what the fuck? Ew!Copy !req
697. Relax. What's wrong?Copy !req
698. You know, for most guys
this would be, like, a fantasy.Copy !req
699. What, to be, like,
a participant in incest?Copy !req
700. Whoa! Hey.Copy !req
701. - This isn't incest, okay?
- No.Copy !req
702. We've never kissed.
We haven't even touched each other.Copy !req
703. Okay, yeah, but you're, like...
you know, naked in front of each other.Copy !req
704. That's, like, in the realm of,
you know, fucking incest.Copy !req
705. So, was it incest when we had
baths together as little girls?Copy !req
706. No, no, no, no, no.
That is, like, worlds apart! Okay?Copy !req
707. Like, I was touching your boob
while I was touching her thigh, okay?Copy !req
708. That's, technically, I'm—Copy !req
709. I'm in an incestuous relationship
right now, okay?Copy !req
710. Don't judge us.Copy !req
711. I'm not judging you, okay? It's just...Copy !req
712. It's a surprise, and in all fairness...Copy !req
713. you two should've told me.Copy !req
714. Okay, dude. You know what?
Sorry that we tried to fuck you.Copy !req
715. No. I... I didn't mean it—
Uh, it's just...Copy !req
716. I mean, maybe, like, one of you stays?Copy !req
717. Go fuck yourself.Copy !req
718. All right.Copy !req
719. Mmm.Copy !req
720. That'll be $2.35.Copy !req
721. Shit. Fuck, dude, I don't have my wallet.Copy !req
722. Can I pay you back later?Copy !req
723. No, we don't do that.Copy !req
724. Dude, I live, like, two blocks from here.Copy !req
725. I'll run home, get money,
come back, pay you.Copy !req
726. I'll pay you more than I owe you.
I'll give you a big tip.Copy !req
727. No. You just go home,
get your money,Copy !req
728. then come back
and get your coffee.Copy !req
729. Dude, I fucking need this coffee
right now, please, dude.Copy !req
730. I need it to, like, you know,
get shit going.Copy !req
731. Please, please, do me a solid.Copy !req
732. This isn't a charity.Copy !req
733. If you not gonna pay it, just go.
Get out.Copy !req
734. What, you're just gonna
let that coffee get cold?Copy !req
735. You're just gonna waste
that cup of coffee?Copy !req
736. - Yeah.
- That doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
737. No, I'm fucking taking this coffee
right now.Copy !req
738. No, no, no, no,
you stealing the coffee.Copy !req
739. I'm calling the police.
You're on the cameras.Copy !req
740. - I'm on the cameras? Big fucking deal.
- Yeah, yeah. It's—Copy !req
741. Hi, hello. Fuck you. Fuck you.
I don't care, you have me on the camera.Copy !req
742. You know me, dude.
I'm good for it.Copy !req
743. I'll come right back.Copy !req
744. Hey, you know what?
I got this. It's cool.Copy !req
745. Are you sure?Copy !req
746. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
747. Okay.Copy !req
748. And a pack of cigarettes?Copy !req
749. And a pack of smokes.Copy !req
750. Parliaments.Copy !req