1. Okay.Copy !req
2. Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday,Copy !req
3. Saturday, Sunday,
sweating.Copy !req
4. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.Copy !req
5. Sweating.Copy !req
6. Okay.Copy !req
7. Oh!Copy !req
8. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
9. Rise and shine.Copy !req
10. Ahh!Copy !req
11. Ohh...Copy !req
12. Hi, that's me.Copy !req
13. Oh, hi.
It's me.Copy !req
14. Hi.
Thank you, sir.Copy !req
15. Sure.
Yes.Copy !req
16. My name is Mike.
Hi, Mike, how you doing?Copy !req
17. I'm gonna be
your driver.Copy !req
18. Okay.
Uh, welcome to Cincinnati.Copy !req
19. Thank you, that's
my only bag, so...Copy !req
20. Right this way, then.Copy !req
21. Okay, good.Copy !req
22. You can—
You don't have to—Copy !req
23. You don't have to keep—
Oh, sure.Copy !req
24. You don't have to keep
holding that up, you know?Copy !req
25. Gotcha.Copy !req
26. So how was your flight?Copy !req
27. Good, thank you.Copy !req
28. I've never been to New York.Copy !req
29. What's it—
What's it like?Copy !req
30. Just a city.Copy !req
31. Yeah?Copy !req
32. But can you—Copy !req
33. Can you describe it?Copy !req
34. Like, what are—
What are some of—Copy !req
35. What are some of the things
about New York?Copy !req
36. You know what
the thing is, Mike?Copy !req
37. I hope
I'm not being rude,Copy !req
38. but I just don't feel
like talking.Copy !req
39. Is that okay?
I just sort of...Copy !req
40. It's a great big city,
it's just a great—Copy !req
41. You never get over
how big it is.Copy !req
42. Really?
Yeah, you just—Copy !req
43. You can walk for days,
and you're still downtown.Copy !req
44. And every day,
something happensCopy !req
45. that you never thought
you'd see in your entire life.Copy !req
46. Wow!
Yeah.Copy !req
47. Wow...
Yeah.Copy !req
48. Man...Copy !req
49. Uh...
So what else?Copy !req
50. Like, what are
the people like?Copy !req
51. Okay...Copy !req
52. That's where—
That's where I'm staying?Copy !req
53. Yep.Copy !req
54. So I'll pick you up
later tonight.Copy !req
55. Yep. Thank you.Copy !req
56. Okay.Copy !req
57. Yeah, bye.Copy !req
58. Oi, Doug.Copy !req
59. Hey, how's Cinci?Copy !req
60. Why am I staying
in a Motel 86?Copy !req
61. What?Copy !req
62. I told you, Doug, I can't stay
in places like this anymore.Copy !req
63. Oh, no, you're in a motel?Copy !req
64. Come on, Doug, you knew
where they were putting me up.Copy !req
65. You're just— you just were
afraid to tell me, right?Copy !req
66. Yeah. I'm sorry,
it's just for one night.Copy !req
67. Yeah, but, Doug, I can't—Copy !req
68. I can't do shit
like this anymore.Copy !req
69. I'll kill myself
in a place like this.Copy !req
70. Just please, next time,Copy !req
71. tell them to take it out of my
check and put me in anything.Copy !req
72. You know, like a Radisson
or a Marriott,Copy !req
73. anything else, I just ca—Copy !req
74. I can't do this—
I can't do the door openingCopy !req
75. into the parking lot
and the—Copy !req
76. and the little cup with the
plastic on it in the bathroomCopy !req
77. and the person-sized
cum stain on the floor.Copy !req
78. I can't do it, man, I—Copy !req
79. I'm sorry, I'm trying to
maximize your profit out there.Copy !req
80. I don't want you to
waste money on travel.Copy !req
81. Yeah, but I would rather make
no money and live less shitty.Copy !req
82. Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?Copy !req
83. Where's—
Where's Roger, man?Copy !req
84. What?Copy !req
85. Where's Roger?Copy !req
86. He's dead.Copy !req
87. He's dead?Copy !req
88. Listen, where am I staying
next week in Oklahoma?Copy !req
89. It's a nice place,
a nice place.Copy !req
90. The club is great, good owner.Copy !req
91. Where am I staying?Copy !req
92. In a, you know...Copy !req
93. Doug, I'm there
for a week.Copy !req
94. They have a condo.
It's really nice.Copy !req
95. Ah, shit!Copy !req
96. No, it's nice.Copy !req
97. The club didn't want to keep
paying for a hotel every week,Copy !req
98. so they bought a condo
and you're staying there.Copy !req
99. Am I alone?Copy !req
100. What do you mean?Copy !req
101. I mean, am I staying alone
in the condo?Copy !req
102. Is it just me,
or am I sharing with somebody?Copy !req
103. Well, you have
your own bedroom.Copy !req
104. Oh, God damn it.Copy !req
105. Yeah, you're—Copy !req
106. You're sharing it with
the feature act.Copy !req
107. It's a two-bedroom.Copy !req
108. Who's the feature?
I don't know.Copy !req
109. The owner's daughter will
pick you up at the airportCopy !req
110. and take you there
tomorrow.Copy !req
111. I'm sorry.
I want you to be—Copy !req
112. I want you to be happy.Copy !req
113. It's not your fault.Copy !req
114. (man)
Hey!Copy !req
115. Hey, man!
What the hell?Copy !req
116. Hey!Copy !req
117. You lied about
Roger, man!Copy !req
118. He's not dead,
he's right here!Copy !req
119. He's right there,
man.Copy !req
120. You lied!Copy !req
121. Hello?Copy !req
122. Hi!
It's Mike.Copy !req
123. Your driver?Copy !req
124. Are you ready
to go to the venue?Copy !req
125. Um, Mike, it's—Copy !req
126. It's two hours
before show time.Copy !req
127. I mean, how long
does it take to get there?Copy !req
128. Oh, uh...Copy !req
129. Not more than
15 minutes or so,Copy !req
130. but I thought you might
want to get to the venue early,Copy !req
131. so I showed up early,
just to be safe.Copy !req
132. Okay, I-I—Copy !req
133. I'm okay with being
on time, okay?Copy !req
134. So just—Copy !req
135. Let's leave in 90 minutes,
okay?Copy !req
136. Then we'll be fine.Copy !req
137. Oh...Copy !req
138. Okay, that's fine.Copy !req
139. No, that is
perfectly fine.Copy !req
140. Um, do you want me
to hang out out here,Copy !req
141. or should I wait inside
with you, or...Copy !req
142. No, just wait in the car
and I'll see you there, okay?Copy !req
143. I'll see you
in 90 minutes, okay?Copy !req
144. Okay, bye.Copy !req
145. Isn't it weird
that our favorite thingCopy !req
146. is a secret
and we hardly ever do it.Copy !req
147. It's, like, really rare.Copy !req
148. I mean, even a person
that gets laid a lot,Copy !req
149. it's still like,
"Hey, I got laid."Copy !req
150. It's like a—
it's like a special thing.Copy !req
151. But it's our favorite thing.Copy !req
152. I mean, it's fundamentally
weird that we're—Copy !req
153. you guys aren't all
just turning to each other...Copy !req
154. and just having sex
right now.Copy !req
155. It's like, we work really hard
to keep it rare, too,Copy !req
156. like, we cover
all our favorite stuff.Copy !req
157. Cover it.Copy !req
158. It's really important
that you cover it.Copy !req
159. You could actually go—
You could—Copy !req
160. As long as—
You could have, like,Copy !req
161. a stripe of wide tape
and just cov—Copy !req
162. You'd be totally naked,Copy !req
163. and just cover your dick
and balls and anus with one—Copy !req
164. with duct tape.Copy !req
165. If you do that, you could
go visit the White House.Copy !req
166. Uh, last week,
Billy Burr was here.Copy !req
167. Do you know him?Copy !req
168. Yep, yeah, I know Bill.Copy !req
169. Ah...Copy !req
170. He's so funny.Copy !req
171. He did this thing where
he was trying to...Copy !req
172. and he couldn't.Copy !req
173. And he kept try—Copy !req
174. And he was—Copy !req
175. And he was nice.Copy !req
176. Like, he was, I mean,
like, really nice guy.Copy !req
177. Mm-hmm,
I'm sure he was.Copy !req
178. Nice guy. Ohh.Copy !req
179. After the show,
he was, uh...Copy !req
180. He was, uh, he said,Copy !req
181. "Hey, Mike"--Copy !req
182. I— I can't
do his voice,
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
183. but he goes, "Take me
to the cool places."Copy !req
184. So I was like,
"My pleasure."Copy !req
185. So we hung out.Copy !req
186. Oh, I took him to some
great places to eat.Copy !req
187. And he was cool.Copy !req
188. Like, he was,
mm, cool.Copy !req
189. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
190. Ah, he shook hands
with everybody.Copy !req
191. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
192. Everybody.Copy !req
193. You know who else
I drove was Mike Kaplan.Copy !req
194. And th guy
was so cool.Copy !req
195. Yeah, you know, Mike...
We hung out—Copy !req
196. Yeah, that's great,
that's great.Copy !req
197. Yeah!
Yeah, I'm glad.Copy !req
198. I'm really glad
that you met those guys.Copy !req
199. I'm glad that you
hung out with themCopy !req
200. and that they were
really cool.Copy !req
201. I'm sure they
were really cool.Copy !req
202. You know, for them,
that's the way they're—Copy !req
203. that's what they're
like, right?Copy !req
204. That they like to go
on the road and they likeCopy !req
205. to see the country
and meet everybody.Copy !req
206. It's great.Copy !req
207. I'm different,
okay?Copy !req
208. I'm 47 years old.Copy !req
209. I've been
doing this forCopy !req
210. I don't even know
how long anymore,Copy !req
211. and the road is not, for me,
like an adventure, okay?Copy !req
212. It's like...Copy !req
213. I've seen it,
I've seen the whole country.Copy !req
214. I've met all the people.
I've met all of them.Copy !req
215. I've even met you,
Mike, in a way.Copy !req
216. So for me, now, the road,
it's not like an adventure.Copy !req
217. It's like, uh...Copy !req
218. It's like going
to the toilet.Copy !req
219. It's something
I have to do.Copy !req
220. And, uh, I—
I have—Copy !req
221. I don't have a lot
of choices out here,Copy !req
222. but one choice that I need
to be able to makeCopy !req
223. is that I can be by myself
and not talk to everybody.Copy !req
224. And I don't mean that to be
insulting or unfriendly,Copy !req
225. that's just what I needCopy !req
226. for me to be comfortable
on the roadCopy !req
227. is to not have to always
talk to folks and make friends,Copy !req
228. if I don't feel like it.Copy !req
229. So I'm sorry if that's
a bummer for youCopy !req
230. or if it's disappointing,
but it's— it's—Copy !req
231. it's what works
for me, okay?Copy !req
232. Yeah.Copy !req
233. Can I help you?Copy !req
234. Yeah, hi, um...Copy !req
235. Is this, like,
cinnamon buns with frostingCopy !req
236. or what's the—
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
237. Yep, you can get a special bun
or you can get a bunCopy !req
238. with two sauces or you
can get a hot pour bun.Copy !req
239. What's a hot pour bun?Copy !req
240. That is where
you eat the bunCopy !req
241. and then you just put
your mouth under the spigotCopy !req
242. and I pour the syrup
into your mouth.Copy !req
243. I was kidding.Copy !req
244. Okay, well...
All right.Copy !req
245. I'll take a bun.Copy !req
246. (man on PA)
Welcome to Atlanta
International Airport.Copy !req
247. This AirTrain will stop
at terminal three,Copy !req
248. terminal four,
and the central air terminal.Copy !req
249. No, I don't
want to get down.Copy !req
250. This is the terminal three
stop on this AirTrain.Copy !req
251. The next stop on this AirTrain
is terminal four.Copy !req
252. Stand clear of the closing
doors, please.Copy !req
253. Hi.Copy !req
254. Was that—Copy !req
255. Was that your mom?Copy !req
256. Is this anybody's kid?Copy !req
257. Is this anybody's
child?Copy !req
258. Is this anybody's—Copy !req
259. Can anybody look at me
and answer me?Copy !req
260. There's a kid—
This kid's left alone.Copy !req
261. Did your mom get off?Copy !req
262. It's okay, it's okay.Copy !req
263. This is the terminal four stopCopy !req
264. on this AirTrain.
You're okay, it's okay...Copy !req
265. Okay, it's all right,
it's all right.Copy !req
266. Please make sure you have
Maybe we should
get off the train.Copy !req
267. all your belongings
as you exit...Copy !req
268. It's o— I think
you should get off.Copy !req
269. I think we better—
Okay, it's okay, it's okay.Copy !req
270. Stand clear
of the closing doors, please.Copy !req
271. Um...Copy !req
272. It's okay, we gotta try
to find your...Copy !req
273. Um...Copy !req
274. It's okay.Copy !req
275. Oh, it's okay.Copy !req
276. It's okay.Copy !req
277. Look, there's a call box,
come here, we'll call them up.Copy !req
278. Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
279. All right,
I'm gonna call.Copy !req
280. You can stay there.Copy !req
281. I'm just gonna
call them and...Copy !req
282. AirTrain operation.Copy !req
283. Oh, hello.
Hi, uh...Copy !req
284. I was on the AirTrain, and,
uh, and, well, a little g—Copy !req
285. Okay, there
was a family of—Copy !req
286. A woman with a bunch of kids
and she got off the trainCopy !req
287. at the stop
before this one,Copy !req
288. and her daughter was left
by herself on the train,Copy !req
289. so I'm with that kid now
on the platform.Copy !req
290. What's that?Copy !req
291. Okay,Copy !req
292. Okay, well...Copy !req
293. (man on PA)
Welcome to Atlanta
International Airport.Copy !req
294. There is an AirTrain
arriving at the station.Copy !req
295. This AirTrain
will make stops...Copy !req
296. Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
297. we are now ready to board
Flight 654 to Charlotte.Copy !req
298. We would like to start
pre-boardingCopy !req
299. our customers who need
assistanceCopy !req
300. or those customers
who are dying or afraid.Copy !req
301. Ah, shit!Copy !req
302. Oh, shhhit!Copy !req
303. God damn it.
My bag!Copy !req
304. I forgot my... bag...Copy !req
305. God damn it!Copy !req
306. Hi, uh, excu—
I'm sorry, excuse me.Copy !req
307. I lost my bag and I'm—
The gate—Copy !req
308. My plane's leaving right now
and I lost my bag.Copy !req
309. Sir, sir, if you want
to report lost luggage,Copy !req
310. you need to file a report with
the airline you flew in on.Copy !req
311. No, but, see,
it's in the ga— I—Copy !req
312. I— It's in the airport,
because it's my carry-on.Copy !req
313. Oh, that's a lot
more complicated,Copy !req
314. because that's
unattended luggage.Copy !req
315. Any unattended luggage...
See?Copy !req
316. will be confiscated
and destroyed immediately.Copy !req
317. Okay, but can—
So what do I— what do I do?Copy !req
318. Sir... just—Copy !req
319. Can you let me finish
with this woman.Copy !req
320. Maybe I can help you.Copy !req
321. Okay, I'm sorry.
I just—Copy !req
322. Can you just
please help—Copy !req
323. Okay, sir,
just one second.Copy !req
324. Okay.Copy !req
325. Yeah,
you're all set.Copy !req
326. Can you please help me?Copy !req
327. Come on, come on.
Okay, okay.Copy !req
328. Thank you
so much.Copy !req
329. Thank you.
I gotcha, just...Copy !req
330. Can we pick it up,
though?Copy !req
331. Can we go
a little faster?Copy !req
332. I'm going as fast
as I can, sir.Copy !req
333. If you want to run ahead,
I'll catch up with you.Copy !req
334. It doesn't seem like you're
going as fast as you can.Copy !req
335. Listen, I didn't—
I didn't lose my bag.Copy !req
336. You lost your bag.Copy !req
337. I know that,
I know that it wasn't...Copy !req
338. That's maintenance
over there.Copy !req
339. You see
that guy right there?Copy !req
340. Yeah.Copy !req
341. He's picking bullets out
of the belly of that plane.Copy !req
342. People who live
near airports,Copy !req
343. they shoot at landing planes
all the time.Copy !req
344. They find bullets
in almost every plane.Copy !req
345. I don't know.Copy !req
346. I mean, I don't know, I—Copy !req
347. It— that might be it.Copy !req
348. Well, we can't pull it
on that unless you sure.Copy !req
349. Well, I'm sorry,
I'm not.Copy !req
350. I mean, I can't—Copy !req
351. It's just a black bag,
I ca—Copy !req
352. I'm not 100% sure.Copy !req
353. Okay, Bill, let it go.Copy !req
354. Sorry.Copy !req
355. Or maybe it was.Copy !req
356. I'm gonna miss
my flight anyway.Copy !req
357. Hey, where you going?Copy !req
358. Charlotte,
North Carolina.Copy !req
359. Oh, yeah,
nah, that's—Copy !req
360. That flight's
right over here.Copy !req
361. Oh, great.Copy !req
362. Yeah.
All right, cool.Copy !req
363. Hey, thanks very much
for your help.Copy !req
364. Take care.Copy !req
365. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
366. Good, thank you
very much, thank you.Copy !req
367. Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday...Copy !req