Louie 5x6

1. Why did you come here?

2. I don't know.

3. I really don't.

4. Does it matter?

5. I mean, come on, Richard.

6. You never believe anything I say,

7. so why do you ever ask me anything?

8. Maybe it's because I'm an honest person

9. and I expect others to be honest.

10. Ha! Beware of the man

11. who declares himself honest.

12. I thought you cared about me.

13. I do. I really do.

14. I just...

15. This has gone far enough.

16. Are you sure?

17. Are you really sure?

18. My God, you don't remember, do you?

19. You really don't remember.

20. All this time I thought...

21. well, I was doing what I had to

22. to live with it,

23. and you must be doing something,

24. though I never knew what,

25. but the truth is

26. you don't remember.

27. It's like it never happened.

28. I don't have any opinions about anything.

29. People my age always ask each other,

30. what do you think about this?

31. What's your opinion?

32. Who are you voting for?

33. And I search inside myself for an answer,

34. and it's like I'm just empty in there.

35. Consider yourself lucky.

36. At least if you have no opinions,

37. you can't be wrong.

38. You're not listening.

39. Jeez, Pollio,

40. get out of your own head, will you?

41. You're 18.

42. You're supposed to be having fun.

43. You know, when I was your age,

44. there was only one thing you were allowed to be—

45. a man of the world, a goddamn man of the world.

46. Nowadays you can be anything you want.

47. Can I tell you something I never told anybody before?

48. Be careful. I don't care!

49. Son, you don't have to share that.

50. Maybe keep it to yourself until you're sure what it is.

51. I can't.

52. Don't say anything—

53. I wish I were dead.

54. That's the truest thing I know.

55. You know what? Give me your phone.

56. What? Give me your phone. Let me have it.

57. Why? Because enough already.

58. What are you talking about?

59. You know, you're lucky to live in this city.

60. You're lucky that you get to see stuff like that.

61. You're lucky to be alive at all.

62. So? Well, so, in the most de—

63. in the most devastating moment of the play,

64. I look over and you're texting with your friends.

65. It's gross. I wasn't texting.

66. It's really gross.

67. I saw you! I saw you texting!

68. No, you saw me reading about the play.

69. Well, no, how do you appreciate a thing

70. and Google it at the same time?

71. That's no way to live a life.

72. That's an insult to the actors to do that.

73. Because it was a great play

74. and I wanted to know more about it

75. while I was watching it.

76. Do you even know anything about the play?

77. Yeah. It's...

78. a 1960s thing with a...

79. Did you know that this play

80. was banned in Russia and in Israel?

81. Did you know that after he wrote it,

82. Shelby thought about killing himself?

83. Did you know that he rewrote the ending

84. 'cause he was afraid that it would cause

85. other depressed people to kill themselves?

86. Don't you wonder what that original ending was?

87. But you missed the one th—

88. When the kid said that thing, you missed it.

89. No, I didn't.

90. He said, "I wish I were dead.

91. That's the truest thing I know."

92. It was really sad, and it was beautiful.

93. I didn't cry like you 'cause I'm not a baby.

94. But just because I can appreciate something

95. on two levels

96. doesn't mean I don't deserve to have my phone.

97. Fine.

98. Take it. I don't care.

99. Keep it. Keep it.

100. Thanks for bringing me. This was cool.

101. Sure.

102. ♪ Da...

103. I'm going now.

104. I'm going now!

105. Okay.

106. All right, call me when you get

107. to Sonny's house, okay?

108. Okay. Seriously, call me.

109. Don't make me freak out. Okay, you freak.

110. Shut up.

111. How are you getting there?

112. I'm taking the M10 bus to 74

113. and walking two blocks.

114. Okay, just be careful, please, all right?

115. Dad, it's 10:00am.

116. No one gets raped or killed on a Saturday morning—

117. Stop it! S... Don't

118. say stuff like that!

119. Jesus!

120. Love you. Bye. Love you, too. Jesus.

121. What is "raped"?

122. It's just bad.

123. Bad thing. About bad things.

124. Financial thing.

125. Mm.

126. When are my friends gonna start arriving for the sleepover?

127. I kind of hope not ever. Hey!

128. Well, maybe they forgot and then we can take a nap.

129. Wait, can we make a sundae-making station?

130. A what?

131. Well, it's gonna be all laid out. Everyone

132. can make their own ice cream sundae.

133. I needed that request yesterday, Jane.

134. You can't— You can't—

135. I can't spirit up a sundae station.

136. I can't go shopping now.

137. Yay!

138. Hey.

139. Hi, Shasta. Hi, Shasta.

140. Bye, babe. How are you, Shasta?

141. Hey, Joy. Hey.

142. You want to get a water or something

143. before you go? Oh, no. No, I can't.

144. Whiskey? Something—

145. No.

146. No? You have quite a day ahead of you.

147. Yeah, I got quite a— How many girls?

148. I think eight, but it could be nine or twelve.

149. I have no— I lost track of all the e-mails with the—

150. Why did you start so early?

151. I don't know. I really don't.

152. Well, look, I might have to be a little late

153. picking her up tomorrow.

154. Is that okay? That's fine.

155. I mean, what's— We have mediation at 10:00.

156. Chuck and I are divorcing.

157. Oh, okay. Okay.

158. Well...

159. Yeah, so things are...

160. they're... they're a mess. Right, right.

161. So, if she's being...

162. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.

163. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so...

164. Well, I— I would— I would say I'm sorry,

165. but I know that— I mean, I went through it,

166. so I know that that doesn't help anybody.

167. It's not— Yeah, yeah. It's just—

168. It sucks.

169. Yes, it does.

170. Yeah, so, um, anyway,

171. just, ah, have fun.

172. Okay.

173. Bye. Bye.

174. And then they zoomed in on it,

175. and then they see a kitten coming out of the turkey.

176. Oh, my God!

177. I know. It was, like, in the turkey, you know?

178. In, like, the little part where they stuff the turkey.

179. Oh, my God, I just remembered.

180. I should be wearing my pink clothes today

181. because I'm turning 10.

182. Hey, Shasta.

183. Hey, I've known you since you were in kindergarten.

184. Yeah. That's true.

185. Mm-hmm.

186. So, you know...

187. You know, I was your age when my parents got divorced,

188. and, you know, Jane was, uh, well, five,

189. when her mom and I split up.

190. So, I don't know, I just—

191. I wanted to just say I know—

192. I know what it's like, you know?

193. But my parents are together.

194. Yeah. No, yes, they are.

195. No, I just— I just...

196. I just thought I would...

197. mention some things about...

198. my life and...

199. so you...

200. Yay!

201. Happy birthday!

202. Whoo!

203. Daddy, order the pizza now!

204. Daddy, it's time to order the pizza now.

205. Okay.

206. Hello?

207. Hi, can—

208. I need a pizza delivered, please.

209. Yeah. Yes, yes, please.

210. Yeah, two large pies, yes.

211. Uh, one cheese and one,

212. uh, half cheese and half... cheese.

213. Yeah.

214. Yes, that would be— Yeah, one—

215. Okay, thank you. Please, quick.

216. I have a lot of children here, and it's very—

217. it's very bad here now.

218. Thank you very much. Okay, bye.

219. Daddy!

220. Time to set up the sundae station now!

221. No sundaes. No sundaes.

222. Boo!

223. Hello?

224. Hi.

225. Hi. What's up?

226. Uh...

227. well, um...

228. please don't get all—

229. I mean...

230. we're broken up.

231. Yeah?

232. But so, I was thinking

233. about how you are to talk to

234. and, uh...

235. how I...

236. sometimes think about

237. how I like to, um...

238. sometimes have involvement and sometimes...

239. we don't, so...

240. You miss me.

241. What? No.

242. No, you don't miss me at all.

243. Oh, shit.

244. Listen, it's— it's okay.

245. I mean...

246. sometimes what you want

247. and what you feel aren't always the same thing.

248. Yeah.

249. That's really true.

250. Well, I don't have any trouble saying it.

251. I miss the shit out of your stupid tits.

252. Yeah.

253. They're both pretty stupid.

254. They both flunked out of tit school.

255. Yeah?

256. The left one is, like, almost clinically retarded.

257. I want to come on your retarded tits.

258. I'm hanging up now.

259. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, please.

260. What?

261. Well, what are you doing right now?

262. What do you mean?

263. I mean, where are you and what are you doing?

264. I'm... home

265. and I'm talking to you.

266. No, I mean, like, are you sitting? Are you standing?

267. What exactly are you doing?

268. Why?

269. Because I'm always wondering that.

270. I'm always— I'm always wondering where you are

271. and— and where you're standing

272. and what exactly you're up to.

273. You are?

274. Yeah, all the time.

275. Well...

276. I'm sitting on my couch.

277. My legs are stretched out and crossed one over the other.

278. Which leg is on top?

279. The right one.

280. My hand is on the phone,

281. which is on my face.

282. What happened? You only have one hand now?

283. No.

284. The other's in my lap and...

285. Are you trying to turn me on right now?

286. Why, are—

287. Are you— Are you, um—

288. Are you being that?

289. Well, I'm not saying,

290. but I may

291. be interested in what

292. you right now may be wearing.

293. I'm, uh...

294. I'm wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

295. Well, take your pants off, then.

296. You want me to?

297. Yeah, I do.

298. Wait, you take off your pants first.

299. No!

300. Yes.

301. Ugh.

302. Okay, there.

303. You didn't really do it. I want to hear you do it.

304. You want to hear me take my pants off?

305. Yeah, I want to hear you take your pants off.

306. Okay.

307. Here goes the belt.

308. We want ice cream!

309. We want ice cream!

310. We want ice cream!

311. Shh! We want ice cream!

312. We want ice cream!

313. What is that?

314. Nothing. It's nothing.

315. That's nothing?

316. We want ice cream!

317. We want ice cream!

318. Jane is having a sleepover.

319. And you're trying to have phone sex with me?

320. Gross.

321. Bye.

322. We want ice cream!

323. We want ice cream!

324. (man) Babe, you all right in there?

325. Yeah, I'll just—

326. I'm just gonna be a minute.

327. We want ice cream!

328. We want ice cream!

329. We want ice cream!

330. We want ice cream!

331. We want ice cream! Hey!

332. Ice cream comes after the pizza,

333. and the pizza's not here yet.

334. So, no more pounding and no more yelling.

335. I'll send everybody home.

336. No, you won't.

337. Yes, I will, Afghanistan.

338. This is my house,

339. and you guys are earning this sleepover

340. every second that you're here, okay?

341. So just behave.

342. What were you doing in there?

343. None of your business, Tranquility.

344. Her name is Tranquilitay.

345. Oh, is it? Yeah.

346. Okay, everybody go.

347. Come on, go. Have fun. Go. Get out.

348. Have fun.

349. Have a ball.

350. Go... Tranquilitay-ow.

351. Hello?

352. Bro. Bro.

353. Bobby, what's up? Where are you?

354. Bro, listen, I'm in jail.

355. You got to come get me.

356. What happened?

357. It's really bad in here, man. Okay?

358. Dude, it's 8:00 right now.

359. Just listen.

360. They said if you come,

361. if you-if you come in person and post bail by 9:00,

362. I can get out tonight.

363. I cannot stay in here, man.

364. It's— It's really bad.

365. Bobby, Bobby, I can't come there.

366. Please, bro, please!

367. I'm gonna put my ass in your ass, bitch!

368. Okay. All right. Bobby, listen to me.

369. Listen to me. Listen to me.

370. Just— Just—

371. Just tell me where to go.

372. Okay.

373. Uh-huh.

374. All right, all right, I'm coming.

375. Sorry, girls. Listen.

376. We have to go somewhere.

377. Where are we going?

378. Well, my brother is in jail,

379. and we have to go to the police station and bail him out.

380. (all) Yay!

381. All right.

382. Daddy, why is Uncle Bobby in jail?

383. Oh, I don't know. I really don't.

384. It's right here.

385. Okay, girls, girls,

386. you're gonna wait in the car.

387. I'm gonna go inside and, uh...

388. No, no, no, no, no. They don't wait here.

389. What am I gonna— I can't take them in the police station.

390. I can't have that. I can't.

391. Buddy, come on, I can't take eight kids into a police station.

392. Listen, I'm not trying to be mean.

393. Okay. Okay. All right, all right.

394. Come on. Get out! Everybody out. Let's go.

395. Can I help you?

396. Yeah, I'm here to bail out my brother.

397. The bail master's on break.

398. Have a seat.

399. Okay, I'll wait.

400. Someone robbed my bunny.

401. All right, you.

402. Right here. Come here. All right. All right.

403. Oh, good. Okay, good.

404. Shasta, get off the table.

405. Come on.

406. Uncle Bobby, what happened?

407. Why were you in jail?

408. Well, it's, uh...

409. it's a crazy story.

410. Tell us! Tell us!

411. Okay, all right, all right.

412. All right, well, um, I was sitting there, and, uh...

413. I was helping...

414. this lady who— who fell.

415. Oh, she was old or...

416. Yeah. Really old.

417. Too old.

418. Well, how did she fall?

419. I— I don't know.

420. I don't know, she was walking and then, uh...

421. I was eating a sandwich,

422. and then all of a sudden, she just fell,

423. so I started to help her.

424. What'd you do with the sandwich?

425. I gave it to this guy.

426. He was sitting there, and he— and he looked really hungry.

427. Oh, that's so nice.

428. That's really sweet.

429. So, you know, I started helping her,

430. and she said for helping her

431. that she wanted to give me a special gift.

432. What did she give you?

433. She gave me a goat.

434. Wait, really?

435. An old lady gave you a goat?

436. Yeah. Aww.

437. Did she give you the goat before she fell down?

438. I don't know.

439. She just gave me the goat.

440. So, then what happened? I don't know.

441. I started walking around with this goat,

442. and it was cool, you know,

443. but I didn't know what to do with it.

444. Then he got loose.

445. Just, gone, yeah.

446. And then— And then the cops showed up.

447. And the police officer,

448. he said he wanted to put him to sleep.

449. No! No!

450. Yeah.

451. Yeah, that's what I said.

452. I put up such a fight, they arrested me.

453. What happened to the goat?

454. I don't know. I saw it running down the subway stairs,

455. so I guess it lives in the subway now.

456. Is that a true story?

457. Yes, that is a true story.

458. In fact, I asked the policeman at the station,

459. and he told me exactly the same story, so...

460. Wow!

461. Yeah.

462. Oh, yeah.

463. Hey, Joy. Hey.

464. Shasta, your mom.

465. Hey. Hi.

466. Are you doing all right? Yeah.

467. Actually, Chuck and I are gonna—

468. we're gonna work it out. Everything's okay.

469. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

470. Oh.

471. Yeah. That's good.

472. Hey. Hey, baby. Hi, Mom.

473. Thanks, Louie. Sure.

474. Mommy, are you and Daddy getting divorced?

475. So, what really happened to you last night?

476. Went to a massage parlor for a happy ending.

477. They raided it.

478. Can you believe this comes out of a cow's pussy?

479. Mmm.

480. You know it...

481. You know it comes out of their tits.

482. You know that, right?

483. No.

484. Milk comes out of the tits.

485. Yogurt comes out of the pussy.

486. Mmm.