Louie 4x5

1. (man) Just one, one more nice...

2. Pecorino Crotonese, sir.

3. It's one of my favorites.

4. That's nice.

5. That's it. That's it?

6. Thanks very much. Have a great day.

7. Anytime. All right, you got it.

8. Enjoy.

9. Have a good holiday.

10. Can I get a pound of the Italian roast?

11. Like, for an espresso machine.

12. Thank you.

13. It's little a less, okay, sir?

14. Can I get some of these? The colored ones.

15. Half a pound of rugelach. Is that all right?

16. Which kind? Uh, chocolate.

17. Chocolate? Yeah.

18. Thank you, have a great day.

19. You too, take care.

20. Yes?

21. Hi, um, I'm the guy who brought you your pills.

22. Remember the elevator?

23. Oh, yes.

24. Oh, thank you so much.

25. Yeah, that was me.

26. God bless you.

27. Well, uh, well, so, I've got your keys.

28. Oh, I've been looking for them.

29. Yes, I figured that was kind of a thing.

30. Oh, thank you.

31. You're okay now.

32. You're not in there anymore.

33. No, I'm not stuck. That's good.

34. You're okay now. Yes.

35. That would be bad if you were still there.

36. Yes, it would.

37. I'd be dead.

38. Um, okay.

39. Also, um, your niece—

40. Amia.

41. Amia? Um-hm.

42. Well, she brought me a pie.

43. I know, she baked it for you.

44. Yeah? Yeah.

45. Okay, well, so I got you a few things at the store.

46. Just—

47. Oh, no, look at that.

48. Oh, that is so nice.

49. I'm not trying to one-up her or anything, but I just—

50. No. Please come in.

51. Oh, thank you, okay, uh, sure.

52. Oh, sorry.

53. Is Amia— Is she here?

54. No, she had to go out.

55. Oh, okay.

56. Do you want to leave?

57. No. No, I—

58. Mmm.

59. Good.

60. What are you, um— Where are you from?

61. Hungary.

62. Have you been?

63. No.

64. Oh, you should go.

65. It's so beautiful.

66. Do you— Do you travel?

67. Not much.

68. I, um— I mean, around the country,

69. but not much around the world.

70. Mm-hmm.

71. I have been to, um, Iraq and Afghanistan, though.

72. Oh, were you in the army?

73. No, no.

74. I was, uh, like, I was entertaining the troops.

75. What kind of entertaining?

76. Um, I'm a comedian.

77. No! Me too.

78. I'm a comedian.

79. What?

80. Yes.

81. Well, I did this as a girl.

82. My whole family did this.

83. We would do music and—

84. and be funny for the troops, make them laugh, you know.

85. Really? Yes.

86. Amia's father, um, my brother—

87. Yeah.

88. And me and my mother and my father.

89. And we would— we would do funny music

90. and the Hungarian army, they loved us.

91. They always had us.

92. Wow. Yeah.

93. What was your act?

94. What did you do?

95. Well, I would sing, you see.

96. And I would sing, like, a very romantic—

97. Wait, I show you.

98. I know.

99. Okay.

100. Oh, I forgot.

101. I have to do it in English.

102. I don't know if I can do that.

103. Let me see.

104. You have to picture—

105. I was a very young girl and very pretty,

106. all right, when I sing.

107. You mean like now.

108. No, no, no, like then.

109. Okay.

110. I missed it, I start again.

111. Not Hungarian.

112. Sorry. Sure.

113. Oh, I gotta take this.

114. I'm sorry. Yeah.

115. Hello?

116. Is this Louis?

117. Yah.

118. Your daughter Jane is in the office,

119. and you need to come get her.

120. What happened?

121. We are not willing to deal with this behavior.

122. You need to come pick her up.

123. Actually, today's her day with her mother, so—

124. I tried the mother, there's no answer.

125. You need to pick up Jane now.

126. Okay.

127. I'll be there in a minute.

128. Thank you.

129. Jane. Jane!

130. You better relax.

131. Relax.

132. Everything all right?

133. My daughter's in trouble and I gotta go—

134. I mean, she's all right, she's causing the trouble.

135. I gotta go, I'm sorry.

136. No, I'm sorry.

137. Hi.

138. Uh, so what happened?

139. Just take her home, Papa.

140. Let's go, Jane.

141. Let's get out of here.

142. Listen, I'm sorry.

143. She's—

144. Drink all of that.

145. Drink more.

146. You need it.

147. Why? You need it.

148. Hi, uh, I have Jane, and she's not in school.

149. And I can't reach you,

150. so I'll just hold on to her till, um,

151. I hear from you.

152. A thing happened and I— And we need to talk.

153. All right, bye.

154. Were you leaving a message for Mommy?

155. What happened today?

156. I don't know.

157. You don't know?

158. Nothing happened.

159. Nothing happened?

160. No, nothing.

161. That's why we're out here in the middle of a school day?

162. All right, look,

163. it doesn't matter what happened.

164. I'll find out anyway, it doesn't matter.

165. But what's going on?

166. What's going on with you?

167. I don't know.

168. Look at me, look at me.

169. What's going on with Jane?

170. Jane— Jane in school, Jane in Jane.

171. Are you mad at me?

172. No.

173. What are you— Are you mad at Mommy?

174. Are you mad at Lily?

175. Are you mad at Jane?

176. How could I be mad at me?

177. It's— I can't be mad at me.

178. Okay, well, help me out, honey.

179. I'm trying to— What is it?

180. I don't want to go to school.

181. School?

182. I mean it.

183. I don't want to go there anymore.

184. I don't like it.

185. It's not good.

186. Why?

187. They don't know anything.

188. They don't know how to tell me anything

189. I need to know.

190. And they don't know anyway and they lie.

191. The teachers are stupid, the kids are stupid.

192. Really, they're all stupid.

193. I'm not just saying this.

194. It's true.

195. Christopher Columbus is a murderer.

196. They want me to draw a picture of him smiling.

197. They don't know how numbers work,

198. and they want me to do it all wrong.

199. The kids are just mean babies.

200. They don't know anything,

201. really, and the teachers don't know anything.

202. They're mean and tired

203. and they're stupid

204. and they just say what's in the book.

205. Because they don't know, you see?

206. They don't answer any real questions.

207. They don't answer any what?

208. Real questions.

209. Real questions? No real questions.

210. Like, what's— what's— what kind of questions?

211. Like, why is there even an America?

212. How come France isn't part of New York City?

213. Why isn't, let's say,

214. Africa or India in charge when they have the most people?

215. And why isn't God on the news?

216. What happened today?

217. Fine, I was on the spring horse.

218. On the what?

219. It's like a horse that you ride on a spring.

220. It's in the playground.

221. And there's only three of 'em.

222. So me and two other kids were on them.

223. Then Melissa really wanted to ride.

224. So I said, "Okay, she can half my turn

225. as long as she gives me back the other half."

226. But then she never let me back on.

227. Then she let another kid have it,

228. and then another kid have it.

229. And then, like, all the kids were making a game out of

230. not letting me have the spring horse.

231. And then the teacher came over and told me to be quiet,

232. and said I was punished

233. and I couldn't play anymore.

234. Daddy, I tried to explain to her, I really tried.

235. Okay? And she would not listen.

236. No matter calm and normal,

237. taking a breath, nothing worked.

238. She just would not listen ever.

239. No. Not listen.

240. What'd you do?

241. What did you do?

242. I clutched her skirt and tore it off

243. and everyone could see her underwear.

244. Daddy, she was really upset.

245. She was crying.

246. They— .

247. I'm sorry, Daddy.

248. Daddy, when am I going to see you again?

249. Uh, Wednesday, on our regular day.

250. Hey, Patrick.

251. Oh, hey.

252. I'm just— just dropping off Jane.

253. Oh, great, thank you.

254. I need to talk to her mom.

255. Janet.

256. Ah, okay. Uh, Janet.

257. Jane, go to your room.

258. We'll talk later.

259. Bye, Daddy.

260. See ya.

261. I'm sorry, I was caught up

262. in meetings all day.

263. It's okay. Um, can we talk?

264. Okay.

265. No, I mean, let's go talk, okay?

266. Let's get something.

267. Let's go out somewhere and talk, all right?

268. Uh, I'm just gonna go around the corner for a minute.

269. Well, you know what I'm going to say.

270. What?

271. Private school.

272. No.

273. You can't just say no.

274. No. Yes, I can.

275. Louie.

276. Look, public school is— is the real world.

277. And they have real problems

278. and they learn how to deal with them in the real world.

279. That's gonna be their life.

280. Putting them in private school is like sequestering them.

281. In the real world, when you have a problem,

282. you don't get to go to some little tailor-made,

283. paid-for little egg of inside of it

284. where everything's gonna be

285. the way that your parents paid for it to be.

286. How are they going to get any skills?

287. Give them a chance.

288. Well, it's not working.

289. She's 10 and you're counting her out already?

290. It's over?

291. Let's talk about the real reason

292. you don't like private school.

293. What?

294. It's about you.

295. And that you grew up working class

296. and you have a chip on your shoulder

297. about people who can send their kids to private schools.

298. Stop. Stop now.

299. And the fact is that you can't afford it

300. and you resent it, and I can afford it.

301. Janet, just 'cause you make more now

302. doesn't mean that you get to have more decision

303. over what our kids do.

304. Actually it does.

305. You're— You're going down a road here.

306. Yes. Yes I am.

307. Janet, don't try to steamroll our kids into private school

308. because I won't allow it.

309. And I won't allow your screwed-up stuff

310. to keep my kids in some substandard school.

311. That's— Your kids?

312. Your kids.

313. See, this is— See, this is about you.

314. This isn't about me.

315. This is about how—

316. Yeah, this is about how your kids reflect your status.

317. It's you and your and it's not—

318. It's not about—

319. We we're supposed to be talking about Jane.

320. We're talking about us, and it's not the point.

321. Well, I'm not going to let my kids be losers.

322. Well, I'm not going to let my kids be Hitler youth.

323. What?

324. You're not gonna like send them to some academy,

325. so you can put a crest on their shoulder

326. that you get to brag about in the aisles of Whole Foods

327. and they grow up not knowing what a person is.

328. You are way out of line.

329. I know that.

330. What?

331. I know I'm out of line.

332. I'm too emotional,

333. and I'm too upset now to contribute anything real

334. to the conversation

335. because you got me to this place.

336. Oh, so it's my fault?

337. No, it's not.

338. I'm saying that I'm not—

339. I can't say anything worthwhile anymore.

340. I'm too upset and it's all about—

341. It's about my fear about the kids

342. and it's about our stuff that we never solved

343. and you're totally right that this about my problems

344. and my issues

345. and anything that has to do with you

346. you're not going to admit to.

347. So I'm taking it all up to myself and it's—

348. This is— There's no way for me to say anything

349. but shit now,

350. which is all that's coming out of my mouth.

351. Okay.

352. What do you want to do?

353. Let's just— Let's just talk about this later.

354. Oh, hi.

355. Hello. Hi!

356. Hello. Hello.

357. Hello.

358. Uh...

359. Hey, um, do you want to get something to eat?

360. Do you want to go out to eat?

361. No, I'm going— Out?

362. Yeah, like you and me.

363. Nom, nom, like, eat something together.

364. Oh. Most. Most?

365. Most? Most.

366. Is that most to eating?

367. Nem, nem, most.

368. Oh, now. Yes, now.

369. Now. Yeah, now?

370. Most?

371. Oh, okay, okay.

372. Yeah? Okay.

373. Okay. Yeah.

374. Okay. Let's get, uh...

375. This is the best.

376. It's called Russ and Daughters.

377. There you are.

378. Oh, my God.

379. Okay, so here's what you do.

380. You just take it and you just eat it.

381. Oh!

382. Come on, try it, it's really good.

383. Okay.

384. You can do it.

385. Okay.

386. Is it good?

387. Do you like it?

388. Oh, no, you don't like it.

389. Oh, I think she needs a spit cup.

390. Are you okay?

391. I'm sorry, I thought you would like it.

392. Most people really like it.

393. What's that light?

394. And that is New Jersey.

395. Oh. New Jersey, yeah.

396. New Jersey. Yeah.

397. New Jersey.

398. Hairbrush?

399. Hairbrush?

400. No.

401. Hair... what?

402. I don't know.

403. Shampoo?

404. Nem, nem, nem shampoo. Okay.

405. All right.

406. Um.

407. Okay.

408. Okay.

409. All right.

410. Okay.

411. All right.

412. Oh, not sure what that one was.

413. Mmm.

414. Okay.

415. Towel.

416. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

417. Wait a second. Wait a second.

418. Wait a second.

419. Hair dryer.

420. All right, awesome.

421. Here, come on, let's go pay for this hair dryer.

422. Bye. Bye.

423. Um, okay.

424. I had a good time, it was nice.

425. I needed a co— I needed— Thank you.

426. Bye.

427. Bye.

428. I think cannibalism is reviled.

429. A lot of people even say like, "If I was in a plane crash,

430. I would not eat the people, I would just die."

431. I would eat all the people.

432. But I don't— I don't know.

433. Like, okay, if a plane crashed and you had to eat people—

434. Okay, like, there's all kinds of people.

435. You have to make a decision within that.

436. Like, who— What kind of person

437. do I want to eat, and like, what part of the person?

438. I think I would eat an old black lady's tits.

439. Beca—

440. Because that's way not me.