Louie 4x13

Directed by Louis C.K.

Louie & Pamela go on a date.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Yeah?

2. Hey, it's Louie. Yes, I know, stupid.

3. It's 2017, everybody knows who's calling everybody.

4. Jesus Christ, just—

5. Okay, fine, don't call me then, bye.

6. Well—

7. Jesus.

8. Hello?

9. Hey.

10. Hello, who is this?

11. Operator?

12. Is this a party line, hello?

13. Okay, are you done now?

14. Yes, Mary, go ahead and be boring, I'm listening.

15. Okay, look.

16. I just—

17. This is gonna suck, I know it.

18. Just... listen.

19. I got— My kids are at their mom's now

20. and they're gonna be there tonight

21. and I just thought... that maybe we could—

22. Maybe I could take you out.

23. Take me out of what?

24. My comfort zone?

25. No, on a date.

26. Ugh, oh, my God.

27. Look, don't get all—

28. Just because I let you kiss part of my mouth...

29. You kissed me back.

30. I most certainly did not.

31. Well, what about it?

32. I'm busy.

33. Doing what?

34. Searching for baby elephants up in your mother's vagina.

35. What do you care?

36. What is it with guys that if they can

37. prove you're not doing anything,

38. then you have to blow 'em?

39. I just wanna have some fun... with you.

40. I just wanna— I just wanna go out

41. and have a good time.

42. With you.

43. Okay?

44. Okay.

45. Yes, we can.

46. If you want.

47. Hang out tonight.

48. On a date.

49. I d— Bye!

50. Jive ass turkey.

51. Hey.

52. What?

53. Hey, you wanna try that on? No!

54. Oh, okay. Sorry.

55. Thank you very much.

56. The— no— umph. Hey, you give a tip.

57. Well.

58. Uhn, ew. What—

59. no, that's— Look, that's art.

60. That's like—

61. It's an artistic piece of art. Ugh.

62. Look, it's called "Bag of Shit."

63. Jesus. Hm.

64. I love these, I mean— These are kind of cool.

65. Yeah, I wouldn't mind having

66. one of these in my house.

67. Many nooses of neon.

68. I mean, what even is neon?

69. It looks like liquid.

70. What it is, it's an inert gas that—

71. Don't try. gets excited by high voltage.

72. Wow.

73. That— It's the shitter.

74. Don't touch it, don't touch it.

75. His shit's over there, that's brilliant! Don't put your—

76. Pointing. Don't point at it.

77. That's so brilliant, mmm.

78. My God.

79. Did you see the—

80. It's so weird, look.

81. They're dirty.

82. It's so nasty! They're dirty.

83. He just left the—

84. That's—

85. This piece is called "Diarrhea."

86. That's called "Diarrhea"?

87. This is "Diarrhea."

88. It's very beautiful, "Diarrhea."

89. What is that?

90. It's called "Jews."

91. Shut up. Look.

92. What is this now, nothing?

93. Nice nothing.

94. That's something. It says something there.

95. That's something. Um...

96. There's this thing on this—

97. Hm.

98. I guess you're supposed to...

99. I wouldn't do that if I was you.

100. Why, it says "press."

101. So you press a thing because it says "press"?

102. You would not have survived the camps.

103. Whack— why— it's...

104. It says "press." Dude... go ahead.

105. Why would they make it say "press"--

106. Press the art button, enjoy.

107. Nigger.

108. Whoa.

109. No, no, I didn't say it.

110. I didn't say it, it's the butt—

111. Listen.

112. Okay, no, no, no, no, wait a second.

113. No, wait...

114. Okay.

115. Yeah. Is there any more?

116. I think that's the end of the rainbow...

117. the art rainbow. No more—

118. Oh, there's one more.

119. Oh... Jesus. What to do?

120. That's uh, artistic...

121. Okay, then.

122. All right, that's...

123. Very well done thing. There's...

124. people.

125. I'm hungry now.

126. You wanna... Yep.

127. Come on, let's go eat.

128. Don't even— Ooh, Chinese.

129. That's imaginative, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

130. Isn't this a good idea?

131. Hi! Hi, how are you? Hi.

132. Nice to see you. Yeah, nice see you.

133. Hi, I— Do you have the thing I left?

134. Before, remember, I left something here?

135. Yeah, I remember, I remember, I hide it very good.

136. Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, yeah,

137. Thank you. yeah.

138. No one touch it, okay? No—

139. Thank you, and we're gonna order

140. to go, okay, thank you very much.

141. We are, go where?

142. Just look at the menu and pick a food.

143. What are you doing?

144. What are you doing?

145. Oh.

146. So "Little Miss" that has an idea about something.

147. She's a little mysterious, hmm?

148. It's very mysterious. Uh-huh.

149. Hi, don't worry, okay?

150. A lot of good things there.

151. Thank you, thank you.

152. It's when they're coming and they go...

153. And then they go... ♪ and, and... ♪ And...

154. Wait, Louie? What?

155. No, no one goes into Central Park at night.

156. It's—

157. We're doing it.

158. Yeah? Yes.

159. We're— Fine.

160. Like this—

161. and Jews.

162. Why Jews?

163. I don't know, you said it, too.

164. I know.

165. Okay, come here. Come where?

166. This is the right—

167. The perfect place.

168. And we're doing this now.

169. What is that— is that a blanket? Yeah.

170. What do you experience happening... here?

171. It's already happening.

172. Oh.

173. 'Kay.

174. Okay.

175. All right, come on, sit down.

176. 'Kay.

177. I'm starving. Me too.

178. Ooh.

179. It's freezing, but I don't care.

180. Me too.

181. I love this.

182. Me too.

183. I love to eat horse penises on Broadway.

184. Me too!

185. Okay, all right.

186. Now, this is it, give me this.

187. Okay, now.

188. Lie down on your back.

189. Is this your move?

190. Jesus, oh man.

191. Just— come on, lie down.

192. I'm doing it, look.

193. Just on your back, like this, next to me.

194. Just trust me.

195. Hey!

196. Come over.

197. Okay, now.

198. You ready?

199. Louie... Just—

200. This is dumb and weird. Just go with it.

201. What? Please, just go with it.

202. Okay?

203. Can you do that, just trust

204. me and go with this?

205. All right, now look up.

206. Look straight up. Okay.

207. Look straight up.

208. Don't look left, don't look right.

209. No.

210. You— As you look straight up at the sky,

211. your eyes will start tuning out... all the city lights

212. and you just start seeing stars.

213. You see?

214. Yeah. See how they pop up?

215. You starting to see 'em?

216. Yeah.

217. Okay, just keep looking up.

218. Louie.

219. I feel like this—

220. Oh, my God!

221. I just saw a shooting star.

222. Uh-huh.

223. You saw it? Look, keep looking up,

224. keep looking up, keep looking up.

225. Louie!

226. Oh, my God!

227. Mm-hmm.

228. There was another one!

229. Uh-huh.

230. Oh, my God!

231. Louie!

232. Uh-huh.

233. What did you do?

234. It's a meteor shower.

235. It happens every 17 years.

236. You knew?

237. Mm-hmm.

238. Uh-oh.

239. What?

240. This is...

241. Good move.

242. Yeah?

243. Yeah.

244. Good move.

245. Oh, shit.

246. Oh, no, no, no, stop it, now.

247. Stop it.

248. You gave me the stars, let me look at them.

249. Okay, okay, okay.

250. All right.

251. Look. Wow!

252. Uh.

253. Stupid.

254. No.

255. Look.

256. Wow.

257. Yeah.

258. Your head is so bald.

259. Okay, I'm just gonna use your toilet,

260. and then I gotta go.

261. Okay.

262. Bye, thank you.

263. That was actually really nice.

264. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

265. Hey! Oh, shit.

266. Wait.

267. You're gonna want to do things.

268. Well, yeah, come on. You know what, Louie?

269. You just can't make people do things.

270. I'm not making you do anything.

271. This is—

272. We're having a romantic time and you know it, come on.

273. No, we're friends, it's just like if

274. we were girls or frogs or whatever.

275. No.

276. Frogs don't... kiss in the park under the stars.

277. Yes, they do.

278. Okay, just go.

279. Go ahead and go.

280. Ugh.

281. What are you doing?

282. What do you care?

283. Oh, this is serious.

284. This is serious?

285. This is serious.

286. You know what, if you

287. don't care, I don't care.

288. I feel like you—

289. You like me and you want to get close to me

290. and then I do it and then you shove me away.

291. And frankly, that hurts.

292. And I don't—

293. I mean, either you don't—

294. Either you want to hurt me or you don't care,

295. but either one is a person that I don't want to be with.

296. So just go.

297. Hey.

298. I don't like that.

299. You really want me to go?

300. What— What if...

301. What?

302. Nothing, forget it.

303. Fine.

304. What if I let you see my underwear?

305. Wanna see?

306. Yeah.

307. Okay.

308. Wait there, don't look.

309. Well, how am I supposed to—

310. Shut up.

311. Okay.

312. Can I stay now? Yeah.

313. Now you show me.

314. No, do like I did.

315. Okay.

316. Okay.

317. Let's do more.

318. Okay.

319. Now you show me more.

320. Okay, then.

321. You wanna really see?

322. Yeah.

323. Yeah, I'm sure you do, stupid.

324. Yup, yup, yup, yup.

325. Yup, Yup—

326. Yup.

327. Coming.

328. There he is. Guess what!

329. It's snowing! It's so beautiful outside.

330. It's snowing, and it's like...

331. No, yeah, I saw out the window. a live snow globe.

332. Bye. It's so beautiful, it's like a living snow globe.

333. Hi. It's so pretty.

334. Hello. So— so pretty.

335. Bye, Mommy. Hey.

336. Hey, I didn't—

337. Remember, we switched to the morning for today?

338. Yeah, right.

339. You're okay, right?

340. Yeah, I'm okay.

341. You doing all right, you all right? Yeah, I'm okay.

342. Okay, well, see you later. All right.

343. (man) Hey, can I use your bathroom?

344. Lilly, come look!

345. Oh, shit. Yeah?

346. What is it?

347. Oh, boy.

348. Whoa, hello. Hi.

349. So did you sleep over?

350. What?

351. Well, obviously she slept over.

352. You're Daddy's girlfriend now.

353. What?

354. No, blech!

355. Hey, that's my daddy.

356. What do you mean "blech"?

357. I mean blech, look at him.

358. Come here.

359. Come here.

360. Girls, look at him.

361. He's a monster.

362. I mean, who looks like that?

363. That's supposed to be my boyfriend?

364. I deserve better than that.

365. Look at his body.

366. He's like a mailbox

367. on two tree stumps

368. with a melon on top.

369. And look at his ass.

370. Daddy, turn around.

371. Turn around.

372. Come on, Daddy.

373. Lift up your shirt.

374. He has zero ass.

375. I mean, he has legs and then a back.

376. I mean, I'm supposed to

377. have a boyfriend with no ass?

378. Well, it's true, my daddy

379. poops out of his back.

380. Yeah. Oh, my God.

381. It's true.

382. Um, are you guys hungry?

383. Yes. No.

384. Good, let's go to the kitchen,

385. you can make me some eggs,

386. 'cause I'm starving.

387. Oh, it's snowing!

388. Isn't it fun.