1. Louie - Season 04 - Episode 11 - In The Woods Part 1Copy !req
2. Jesus!Copy !req
3. Dick!Copy !req
4. Why did you wanna
come here?Copy !req
5. The chicks.Copy !req
6. These girls are
about 15 years old.Copy !req
7. How old are we?Copy !req
8. People are smoking pot
in public now.Copy !req
9. I kind of liked it
when it was illegal.Copy !req
10. Some of these kids
are Lilly's age.Copy !req
11. How old's Lilly?Copy !req
12. Look at this kid ...
12 years old.Copy !req
13. My daughter's 12 years old.Copy !req
14. Hey, man.Copy !req
15. Daddy!Copy !req
16. Get over here!Copy !req
17. Old jagoff.Copy !req
18. We're non doing anything!Copy !req
19. Daddy, stop it,
you're embarrassing me!Copy !req
20. Daddy, stop!Copy !req
21. Dad, stop it!Copy !req
22. Dad, stop,
let go of me!Copy !req
23. You're embarrassing me.Copy !req
24. I wasn't doing anything!Copy !req
25. Stop it!Copy !req
26. Dad ... Oh, my God,
Dad, stop.Copy !req
27. Daddy!Copy !req
28. Daddy, stop it,
I wasn't doing anything.Copy !req
29. Daddy.Copy !req
30. Daddy!Copy !req
31. Daddy, listen to me, okay?Copy !req
32. Dad, stop it.Copy !req
33. Sit down, sit!Copy !req
34. Sit!Copy !req
35. Oh, God.Copy !req
36. Oh, my God.Copy !req
37. I didn't do anything ...
I saw you!Copy !req
38. I saw you!Copy !req
39. You're 12 years old!Copy !req
40. Oh, my God.Copy !req
41. The onions and no tomatoes?Copy !req
42. Lilly.
What?Copy !req
43. Don't ...
You don't do that.Copy !req
44. You don't do that right now.Copy !req
45. You're in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
46. Your mom, ugh...Copy !req
47. She's gonna kill you.Copy !req
48. I don't care.Copy !req
49. What happened to you?
Nothing!Copy !req
50. You know,
you think you can ...Copy !req
51. You think you can handle this.Copy !req
52. You think this is fun?Copy !req
53. You can't handle this, Lilly.Copy !req
54. What do you know about it?Copy !req
55. You excited to go
to school today?Copy !req
56. You excited to go to work?Copy !req
57. You know what,
I am excited.Copy !req
58. You should always be excited
when you're given another day.Copy !req
59. You know, another day
is another chance at...Copy !req
60. something, I don't know.Copy !req
61. You never know what can happen.Copy !req
62. Okay.Copy !req
63. But I hate this school.Copy !req
64. Ah...Copy !req
65. It's your last year.Copy !req
66. Next year, you'll be in...Copy !req
67. high school.Copy !req
68. Have a good one.Copy !req
69. Bye, Mom.Copy !req
70. Thanks for the ride.Copy !req
71. Thanks for thanking me.Copy !req
72. Bye.Copy !req
73. Thus concludes our unit
on minerals.Copy !req
74. Which you all
pretty much tanked.Copy !req
75. But...Copy !req
76. onward.Copy !req
77. Okay, who can tell meCopy !req
78. what this is?Copy !req
79. Anyone.Copy !req
80. Does anyone know what this is?Copy !req
81. Nobody knows what this is?Copy !req
82. That's too bad.Copy !req
83. I don't know either,
I was hoping you could help.Copy !req
84. Okay, we got six months
left together.Copy !req
85. Now, I could move
from mineral to rocks,Copy !req
86. which, I mean, who cares?Copy !req
87. I want to teach you based on
what makes you curious.Copy !req
88. Okay?Copy !req
89. So we're gonna do
a new unit of workCopy !req
90. every week based on you,Copy !req
91. and what interests you.Copy !req
92. So what in the realm
of science interests you?Copy !req
93. Who's got a question
about science?Copy !req
94. Anyone ...
Albert?Copy !req
95. Is it true that you
can light a fart on fire?Copy !req
96. Excellent question.Copy !req
97. Excellent question!Copy !req
98. Can you light a fart on fire?Copy !req
99. Can you...Copy !req
100. light...Copy !req
101. a fart...Copy !req
102. on fire!Copy !req
103. Fire!Copy !req
104. Can you light a fart on fire?Copy !req
105. So, how do we answer
this question?Copy !req
106. Let's look in the great
book of scientific knowledge.Copy !req
107. Fart...Copy !req
108. Fart...Copy !req
109. You ever seen fart in the book?Copy !req
110. Fart...
Gotta be in here.Copy !req
111. Formaldehyde, fallout,Copy !req
112. farming technology...Copy !req
113. Nope, no farts in the book.Copy !req
114. So let's do an experiment.Copy !req
115. Albert, would you like
to be our farter?Copy !req
116. Uh, I don't have
a fart right now.Copy !req
117. No?Copy !req
118. Okay, who has a fart?Copy !req
119. Who has a fart in them?Copy !req
120. Who feels like
they could fart right nowCopy !req
121. in the interest of science?Copy !req
122. Anyone?Copy !req
123. I'm really just
asking the boys here.Copy !req
124. I don't expect ... I don't
wanna see a girl fart.Copy !req
125. Louie, come on up.Copy !req
126. Okay.Copy !req
127. Louie is gonna provide the fuel.Copy !req
128. I will provide...Copy !req
129. initial combustion.Copy !req
130. Don't worry, Louie, you're safe.Copy !req
131. Okay, Louie, bend over the desk.Copy !req
132. This may be my last day here.Copy !req
133. Okay, Louie.Copy !req
134. Ready?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
135. One, two,Copy !req
136. three, fart!Copy !req
137. I thought you said you had one.Copy !req
138. I do, I just...Copy !req
139. You got performance anxiety?Copy !req
140. I think, I ...
Okay, okay, look,Copy !req
141. okay, just relax.Copy !req
142. Just take a deep breath.Copy !req
143. Take it easy.Copy !req
144. All right, come on, Lou.Copy !req
145. Do it for science.Copy !req
146. Galileo, Einstein,Copy !req
147. Louie.Copy !req
148. Whoa!
Ah.Copy !req
149. Whoa!Copy !req
150. Nice fart.Copy !req
151. And so, methane gas ...
methane gas,Copy !req
152. which is combustible,Copy !req
153. has been generated organicallyCopy !req
154. inside of young Louie.Copy !req
155. So, this week we will explore
organic fuel sources.Copy !req
156. Tomorrow we're gonna
blow up a sweet potato!Copy !req
157. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
158. Good job, Louie.
Thanks.Copy !req
159. Louie, nice job.
Thank you.Copy !req
160. Thanks for helping out.
It's okay.Copy !req
161. Say, could you, uh,
come in early tomorrow,Copy !req
162. help me set up the potato thing?Copy !req
163. Sure, yeah.Copy !req
164. Great.Copy !req
165. Dad?Copy !req
166. Uh, yeah?Copy !req
167. Can you give me a ride home?Copy !req
168. You got it, sweet pea.Copy !req
169. You lookin' at my daughter?Copy !req
170. No, no!
Don't look at my daughter.Copy !req
171. Don't you ever
in your life ...Copy !req
172. Hey, take it easy, I'm kidding.Copy !req
173. I'm kidding!Copy !req
174. Please look at my daughter.Copy !req
175. Hey, ask her out.Copy !req
176. Why don't you
take her to the dance?Copy !req
177. Are you gonna go to the dance?Copy !req
178. I ... I don't know.Copy !req
179. Come on, Louie, please,Copy !req
180. take my daughter to the dance.Copy !req
181. I don't want one of
these hormonal creaturesCopy !req
182. in this school taking her.Copy !req
183. Huh, will you think about it?Copy !req
184. Think about taking her.Copy !req
185. I don't... I don't ...Copy !req
186. Just think about it,
just think about it.Copy !req
187. That's a kid!Copy !req
188. Thanks, Louie.Copy !req
189. I'll see you tomorrow
for potatoes.Copy !req
190. Yes, sir, see you tomorrow.Copy !req
191. We were playing basketball
in Mike's driveway...Copy !req
192. Mm-hmm.
and I had to take a piss.Copy !req
193. So I go upstairs,Copy !req
194. and I'm walking by
his parents bedroom.Copy !req
195. So the door is wide openCopy !req
196. and his mom is standing there
with just a skirt on.Copy !req
197. I saw her tits.Copy !req
198. No you didn't.Copy !req
199. What if I did?Copy !req
200. You didn't see
Mike's mom's tits.Copy !req
201. Just... stop.Copy !req
202. Thank you.Copy !req
203. Thanks.Copy !req
204. Are you going to the dance?Copy !req
205. I don't know, man.Copy !req
206. I hate those.Copy !req
207. I mean, you stand there,Copy !req
208. you have to wear, like, a shirt,Copy !req
209. you ask girls to dance.Copy !req
210. No one wants to dance.Copy !req
211. Last year at the dance,
some kid broughtCopy !req
212. a jug of vodka.Copy !req
213. Vodka?Copy !req
214. Uh, can I get my glasses?Copy !req
215. What for?Copy !req
216. Uh, I have a test after lunch.Copy !req
217. These all yours right here?Copy !req
218. Yeah, those.Copy !req
219. You gotta give 'em back though.Copy !req
220. Of course.Copy !req
221. Hey, mush, you got a problem?Copy !req
222. No.Copy !req
223. You want one?
What?Copy !req
224. Hold on a sec.Copy !req
225. I think I'm gonna kick your ass.Copy !req
226. What do you think?Copy !req
227. Is that a good idea?Copy !req
228. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
229. Oh, you don't?Copy !req
230. Why not?Copy !req
231. 'Cause I wouldn't like it.Copy !req
232. Oh, okay, well,Copy !req
233. I'll give you some options.Copy !req
234. I can hit you one time now,
then in like two, three weeks
I'll give you some options.Copy !req
235. I can hit you one time now,
then in like two, three weeksCopy !req
236. I'll hit you again.Copy !req
237. Like, you know,
spread it out over time.Copy !req
238. Or I can just kick the shit
out of you right now.Copy !req
239. What do you think?Copy !req
240. First one sound good?Copy !req
241. I ... I'll do
the first one.Copy !req
242. All right, why don't you put
your tray down for a second?Copy !req
243. All right, good job.Copy !req
244. Uh, today's Wednesday,Copy !req
245. I'll see you on the 21st.Copy !req
246. Hey, Laurie.Copy !req
247. Yeah?Copy !req
248. Um, are you going to the dance?Copy !req
249. Yeah, why?Copy !req
250. Oh, I ... I just, uh,
thought, you know,Copy !req
251. if, uh ... if I go ...Copy !req
252. I mean, if we go,
just, you know...Copy !req
253. If I go too, then...
we'll both be there?Copy !req
254. What?Copy !req
255. Like, I'll see you there.Copy !req
256. It'll be like you'll be there,Copy !req
257. I'll be there with you
being there.Copy !req
258. Like, together,
we'll both be there.Copy !req
259. So I'll see you at the dance?Copy !req
260. Yeah, if you're going.Copy !req
261. Good.Copy !req
262. Okay...Copy !req
263. So, I, uh,Copy !req
264. I asked Laurie Sevetta
to the dance.Copy !req
265. She said yes.Copy !req
266. No she didn't.Copy !req
267. Yeah, she did.Copy !req
268. You're taking Laurie Sevetta
to the dance?Copy !req
269. Well, I'm meeting her there.Copy !req
270. What?Copy !req
271. Hello?Copy !req
272. Hi, I'm in here.Copy !req
273. Hi.Copy !req
274. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
275. Oh, my God, I'm so tired.Copy !req
276. Did you get a chance
to get yourself some dinner?Copy !req
277. Yeah, I made a hot dog.Copy !req
278. That sounds good.Copy !req
279. You want one?Copy !req
280. No, I'm ...
I'm fine, thanks.Copy !req
281. What are you ...Copy !req
282. Oh, my God,
the dance is tonight.Copy !req
283. Oh, Louie, I forgot.
Mom, it's all right.Copy !req
284. No, I was gonna
take you shoppingCopy !req
285. for clothes for that.Copy !req
286. Mom, it's fine.Copy !req
287. I'll just wear a shirt,
I don't care.Copy !req
288. Okay.Copy !req
289. Do you need anything?Copy !req
290. You want $10 for after?Copy !req
291. What after?Copy !req
292. I don't know.Copy !req
293. Don't you guys, like, go getCopy !req
294. Chinese food after the dance?Copy !req
295. Mm.Copy !req
296. Here, let me give you $10.Copy !req
297. It'll make me feel like
less of a bad mom.Copy !req
298. Okay, thanks.Copy !req
299. It's a little ...
it's a little weird.Copy !req
300. I'm just trying it on.
Oh...Copy !req
301. Okay.Copy !req
302. Your shirt looks
stupid all striped.Copy !req
303. 'Cause I hate you
'cause you're short.Copy !req
304. 'Cause you're a little bitch,
get out of here.Copy !req
305. Hey, Mr. Miner,
you look nice tonight.Copy !req
306. Thank you, girls.Copy !req
307. Come here.Copy !req
308. What do you want?Copy !req
309. Just come with me!
What?Copy !req
310. Let's go!
What are we doing?Copy !req
311. Just wait.Copy !req
312. All right, what are we doing?Copy !req
313. Doing this.Copy !req
314. Where did you get that?Copy !req
315. I stole it from my brother.Copy !req
316. Holy shit.Copy !req
317. We're gonna
smoke this right now.Copy !req
318. We're gonna get high on pot.Copy !req
319. I never did that before.Copy !req
320. Me neither.Copy !req
321. Let's go to the woods.Copy !req
322. Whoa.
Ooh!Copy !req
323. Ah, cock!Copy !req
324. You stepped on a cock?Copy !req
325. Ow, Jesus.Copy !req
326. Ah!Copy !req
327. Okay.Copy !req
328. Give me a light.Copy !req
329. Uh, I don't have matches.Copy !req
330. Oh, shit!Copy !req
331. You didn't get matches?Copy !req
332. I didn't ...
Boo!Copy !req
333. Scared the shit out of
you two dipshits.Copy !req
334. Let's go.Copy !req
335. Wait, hold on.Copy !req
336. Can you give us a light?Copy !req
337. What for?Copy !req
338. It's for this.Copy !req
339. Where'd you get that?Copy !req
340. It's mine.Copy !req
341. You know I can just kick
your ass right nowCopy !req
342. and take it from you, right?Copy !req
343. Yeah, you could.Copy !req
344. All right.Copy !req
345. Okay, we're gonna
share this, all right?Copy !req
346. Have you ever done this?Copy !req
347. Need papers!Copy !req
348. You see, this is
supposed to be a horse.Copy !req
349. I don't see a horse there.Copy !req
350. I need papers!Copy !req
351. Who's got papers made of paper?Copy !req
352. Shut up, you clown.Copy !req
353. Stop it, you stupid asshole.Copy !req
354. Whoo!Copy !req
355. You're making me spill the pot.Copy !req
356. Jesus Christ, hey,
calm down, brat.Copy !req
357. Hey, when are you
gonna finish rolling that?Copy !req
358. I don't have papers!Copy !req
359. You guys are such dicks.Copy !req
360. Stop it, you idiots!Copy !req
361. What the hell are you doing
on the floor?Copy !req
362. Let's go, buddy!Copy !req
363. I'm working on it!
Don't have all day.Copy !req
364. Come on!Copy !req
365. Can I have another?Copy !req
366. Yeah, just wait a minute.Copy !req
367. Hey.Copy !req
368. Hey.
Hmm, what?Copy !req
369. You okay?Copy !req
370. You seem tired.Copy !req
371. Yeah, I'm okay.Copy !req
372. Ah.Copy !req
373. Excuse us!Copy !req
374. Excuse me.Copy !req
375. You didn't see us
standing here, young man?Copy !req
376. What are we doing here?Copy !req
377. Doing science.Copy !req
378. Science, huh?Copy !req
379. We got any weed?Copy !req
380. No, I'm all out.Copy !req
381. What about you, man?
No, I'm out.Copy !req
382. Well, let's
go find Warren then.Copy !req
383. Warren just ran out too.Copy !req
384. Shit!Copy !req
385. Who else then?Copy !req
386. I don't know.Copy !req
387. Warren's the only one
who ever has any.Copy !req
388. Well, what about your brother?Copy !req
389. He joined the Marines.Copy !req
390. Marines?Copy !req
391. All right, well,
where does Warren get it?Copy !req
392. From Jeff Davis.Copy !req
393. Jeff Davis?Copy !req
394. Well, let's go ask him.Copy !req
395. I don't know, mush,
that guy's a drug dealer.Copy !req
396. For real.Copy !req
397. I know where he lives,
we can go hit him up.Copy !req
398. So you're just gonna
walk up to Jeff Davis' houseCopy !req
399. and knock on his door?Copy !req
400. Yeah.
What is that?Copy !req
401. Quarter stick of dynamite.Copy !req
402. Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!Copy !req
403. Holy shit!
Oh, my God.Copy !req
404. Oh, my God.Copy !req
405. What in the hell was that?Copy !req
406. What in the hell was that?Copy !req
407. What is going on in here?Copy !req
408. Who ... Did you do that?Copy !req
409. Did you, was it you?Copy !req
410. What ... This flame,
did you do that?Copy !req
411. Was...Copy !req
412. Danny.Copy !req
413. What's up, Mr. Miner?Copy !req
414. All right, you boys go to class.Copy !req
415. Someone will
take care of that?Copy !req
416. Get to class, go.Copy !req
417. God damn it.Copy !req
418. What?Copy !req
419. What is this?Copy !req
420. What is this?Copy !req
421. Um... I was wonderingCopy !req
422. if I could, uh, make a purchase.Copy !req
423. You shitting me?Copy !req
424. I'm ... I'm sorry.Copy !req
425. What ... Who are you?Copy !req
426. Kid, come here, come here.Copy !req
427. Come over here.Copy !req
428. Come over here, come on,
get over here.Copy !req
429. You know you got a lot of balls
coming up here like that?Copy !req
430. You know that?Copy !req
431. You an asshole or what?Copy !req
432. You an asshole?Copy !req
433. Come on, get in here.Copy !req
434. Down here.Copy !req
435. Have a seat.Copy !req
436. So, what's your name?Copy !req
437. Louie.Copy !req
438. Louie.Copy !req
439. All right, Louie.Copy !req
440. Here you are.Copy !req
441. How much?Copy !req
442. No, it's social.Copy !req
443. So, how old are you?Copy !req
444. Like... 13.Copy !req
445. Like 13?Copy !req
446. Thirteen.Copy !req
447. How old are you?Copy !req
448. Thirteen.Copy !req
449. Thirteen years, Jesus Christ.Copy !req
450. I didn't smoke
weed until I was 20.Copy !req
451. Hey, look, I'm not lecturing
you or anything.Copy !req
452. I mean, you make
your choices, right?Copy !req
453. I don't know your life.Copy !req
454. You know mine?Copy !req
455. No, I...Copy !req
456. I don't know yours...
Yeah.Copy !req
457. What your life is.Copy !req
458. No, you don't.Copy !req
459. You don't ...
Piece of shit.Copy !req
460. Piece of shit.Copy !req
461. Can I have that lighter?Copy !req
462. Let me see that, thank you.Copy !req
463. You don't know mine.Copy !req
464. Yeah, right?Copy !req
465. You never know.Copy !req
466. Look at all this shit,
look at this.Copy !req
467. All this, this is, uh,Copy !req
468. this is nothing,
this is no big deal, right?Copy !req
469. This is like a plant that grows
in the ground.Copy !req
470. It's, uh...Copy !req
471. Look, what if we, uh,
took a mulberry bushCopy !req
472. and put it in some papers?Copy !req
473. Think people would give a shit?Copy !req
474. No.Copy !req
475. Maybe the mulberry bush
would like it.Copy !req
476. You're a pisser.Copy !req
477. All right, how much you want?Copy !req
478. Um...Copy !req
479. I ... I don't know,
just some pot.Copy !req
480. All right, look,Copy !req
481. a quarter ounce is ten bucks.Copy !req
482. Do you want that?Copy !req
483. You want that.
Yeah.Copy !req
484. Yeah, you want that.
Good.Copy !req
485. Come on, you piece of shit.Copy !req
486. Piece of shit scale.Copy !req
487. They have scales
just like that at my school.Copy !req
488. That right?Copy !req
489. Yeah, in science class.Copy !req
490. Just like that one.Copy !req
491. Ah...Copy !req
492. Whoop-dee.Copy !req
493. Eh...Copy !req
494. Ah, pff.Copy !req
495. Here you are.Copy !req
496. Mission accomplished ...
Just set it there.Copy !req
497. Thanks for the, uh...Copy !req
498. Yeah.
Mm.Copy !req
499. All right, so, uh...Copy !req
500. you, uh...Copy !req
501. You s ...
You, uh...Copy !req
502. Can you get me one of those
scales from your school?Copy !req
503. Is that what we're saying?Copy !req
504. I can try.
Don't answer, don't answer.Copy !req
505. Why don't you ...Copy !req
506. You get me one of those scales,
I'll give you two ounces for it.Copy !req
507. I mean, I know a lot of guys
that need these,Copy !req
508. so I could turn 'em over.Copy !req
509. So, uh...Copy !req
510. As many as you can get?Copy !req
511. Is that what we're saying?Copy !req
512. Don't answer,
just think about it, all right?Copy !req
513. Just think about it.Copy !req
514. You wanna do it, you just do it.Copy !req
515. All right?Copy !req
516. You don't want
to do it, you go aboutCopy !req
517. your fairy merry way,
I don't care.Copy !req
518. You understand?Copy !req
519. Okay.Copy !req
520. All right, you're a good kid.Copy !req
521. Thanks.Copy !req
522. Hey, look, don't bring
anybody over here.Copy !req
523. I don't like people.Copy !req
524. And whatever you do,
don't get caught.Copy !req
525. Don't be stupid.
Gotcha.Copy !req
526. All right?Copy !req
527. Thanks.Copy !req
528. Thanks again.Copy !req
529. Don't bring anybody over here.Copy !req
530. Just you.Copy !req
531. Yeah, well, my homeroom teacherCopy !req
532. she's got the biggest tits.Copy !req
533. We talked about this
yesterday, you dumb-ass.Copy !req
534. Guys!Copy !req
535. You know Hallie ...
Guys!Copy !req
536. I got weed!Copy !req
537. All right!
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
538. Check it out.Copy !req
539. Oh-ho.
Oh, we are gonna smoke this.Copy !req
540. Yeah!Copy !req
541. Okay.Copy !req
542. Whoa!Copy !req
543. And...Copy !req
544. Awesome.
Cool.Copy !req
545. Okay, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
546. What did we learn?
What did we learn?Copy !req
547. That you're crazy?Copy !req
548. Okay, that's not bad.Copy !req
549. Good observation.Copy !req
550. Okay, go ahead, go ahead.Copy !req
551. Wow.Copy !req
552. Oh, what a mess.Copy !req
553. That was fun, huh?Copy !req
554. Yeah.Copy !req
555. It's really fun.Copy !req
556. Hey, so how you feeling about,
uh, high school coming up?Copy !req
557. I don't know.Copy !req
558. Not too excited about science?Copy !req
559. There's gonna be a lot ...
Hey, Dad.Copy !req
560. Oh, hey, Danielle.Copy !req
561. Danielle, uh, you know Louie?Copy !req
562. Louie, Danielle,
Danielle, Louie, huh?Copy !req
563. Dad, stop.Copy !req
564. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
565. Hi.Copy !req
566. Honey, I gotta clean
this up before we can go.Copy !req
567. But ballet starts
at 3:00.Copy !req
568. I can take care of it.Copy !req
569. Yeah?
Yeah, no problem.Copy !req
570. Um... okay.Copy !req
571. Well, just put everything back
in the supply closet,Copy !req
572. clean up the egg.
Yeah.Copy !req
573. Yeah, you don't mind?Copy !req
574. No, not at all.Copy !req
575. Okay, great, thanks.Copy !req
576. Thanks.
Yeah.Copy !req
577. Hey!
Mom.Copy !req
578. Yeah, I got off early.Copy !req
579. You wanna go out to lunch?Copy !req
580. No.Copy !req
581. Hey, I'm buying.Copy !req
582. No thanks.Copy !req
583. Hey, what is going on?Copy !req
584. What?Copy !req
585. What is going on?Copy !req
586. Something is up with you.Copy !req
587. Nothing!Copy !req
588. Hey, hey!Copy !req
589. Hey!Copy !req
590. We're gonna have a talk!Copy !req