Louie 2x5

1. I'm bored.

2. I'm bored!

3. Daddy, I'm really bored.

4. I'm bored!

5. I'm bored.

6. I'm bored.

7. I... am...

8. bored!

9. Listen, Daddy!

10. I'm bored!

11. I am bored!

12. I am bored, I am bored, I'm bored, I'm bored!

13. I'm bored, I'm bored.

14. Bored.

15. I'm bored.

16. Why don't you answer me?

17. Because "I'm bored" is a useless thing to say.

18. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world

19. that you've seen none percent of.

20. And even the inside of your own mind is endless.

21. It goes on forever, inwardly.

22. Do you understand?

23. Being the fact that you're alive is amazing,

24. so you don't get to be bored.

25. When you say, "I'm bored"...

26. Can we play an in-the-car game?

27. What game do you wanna play?

28. One person thinks of an animal

29. and the other one asks questions.

30. Okay, all right, think of an animal.

31. No, you think of one first.

32. Okay, I got one.

33. What is it?

34. What's what? What's the animal?

35. Well, you're supposed to— you're supposed to

36. ask questions and then guess.

37. No, just tell me.

38. Okay, it's an elephant.

39. That was good.

40. Daddy, where are we going?

41. Pennsylvania.

42. But we don't even know her.

43. That's why we're going to see her.

44. She's 97, but she may not be around much longer.

45. Why?

46. Where will she go?

47. He means she's gonna die.

48. No... Lilly, please don't.

49. How do you know she's gonna die?

50. Everybody dies, Jane.

51. We...

52. How do you know?

53. I didn't die. Okay, girls, the reason we're going—

54. Hey, hey, excuse me.

55. But people— Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

56. Listen.

57. The reason we're going to see your great-aunt Ellen

58. is because she's very old.

59. She was born in 19— in the 1910s.

60. She... was around when people went around

61. in horses and buggies

62. and the streets were lit by gas lamps,

63. like little candles. Really?

64. And you don't know what that time was like

65. and you can find out, if you talk to her

66. and learn from her.

67. This is a great opportunity because, y'know,

68. you're gonna learn history in school,

69. but there's nothing like having somebody in your life

70. who can give you that connection

71. to another generation.

72. Do you love Aunt Ellen?

73. She sends me a birthday card every year, my whole life,

74. and this last year when I got the card

75. I wrote back to her and I said, "Can we visit you?"

76. And she wrote back and said yes

77. and then we made plans by mail.

78. It took three months

79. because she doesn't have e-mail.

80. She doesn't even have a phone.

81. Really?

82. Wow!

83. Now I wanna meet her.

84. Me too.

85. Oh, yeah!

86. Look at the goose.

87. Look at the goose, look at the goose.

88. Look at the goose.

89. Whoa.

90. Where?

91. Oh, let me see.

92. I'm bored!

93. I... am... bored!

94. This is her house?

95. Yeah.

96. You look sad.

97. Yeah, well...

98. Listen, girls, Aunt Ellen is very old

99. and I don't know if she can hear well

100. or what her...

101. Just whatever happens, I just need you to roll with it.

102. Just don't worry about it.

103. Let's go.

104. Daddy, do we have an umbrella?

105. No, just run, come on.

106. Where is she?

107. Is she dead?

108. Lilly.

109. Hello.

110. Aunt Ellen?

111. Hello.

112. Holy shit.

113. What's the matter, Daddy? Nothing.

114. Hi, hi.

115. Can you come to the door?

116. Come to— Yeah, that'll be great if you come to the door.

117. Daddy...

118. Stay here.

119. Hi. Hello.

120. Hello, Aunt Ellen.

121. Aunt Ellen, I... do you remember we were gonna visit?

122. Oh, yes, I do remember, yes.

123. Great, well, it's good— it's nice to see you.

124. Oh, thank you.

125. This is Jane and Lilly, this is my daughters.

126. Oh... how—

127. They're— What nice children.

128. Very nice. Yeah.

129. Where— where— where's your wife?

130. We're divorced, Ellen.

131. Oh, divorced, oh...

132. Can we come in?

133. Of course, come in, come in. Great, okay.

134. Come in. Thank you, okay.

135. We're going to have a nice visit.

136. Aren't we? Yeah.

137. I guess, uh, I guess the last time I saw you

138. I was about 14.

139. Yes, well... yeah.

140. Daddy, I'm thirsty.

141. Oh, can I get her a glass of water?

142. Of course.

143. Kitchen's right through there. Okay, thank you.

144. Yes.

145. Well, sit down, girls.

146. Let's have a seat.

147. Okay.

148. Oh.

149. I'm sorry I don't have a lot to offer. You.

150. I don't keep my food, y'know, I...

151. When you're just...

152. Oh, would you like to have a nigger toe, huh?

153. Why do you—

154. No, thank you very much.

155. We ate on the road. I see.

156. So it's— How are you?

157. Oh, I don't know.

158. I'm all right.

159. Could you— could you crack this nigger toe for me?

160. Yeah, I got— I got it, I got it...

161. I haven't the strength.

162. That's okay, I got it.

163. We were hoping you could, y'know, tell the girls about

164. when you were younger and, like,

165. what life was like then, that kind of thing.

166. Well, uh...

167. I've lived all my life...

168. in the country here

169. and not much has— has changed...

170. where I am.

171. I stay away from the cities.

172. I don't like the hustle and the bustle.

173. Oh. Yeah.

174. Well, we know all about that.

175. Do ya?

176. We live in New York City.

177. Oh, my.

178. That's no place to have two young girls.

179. It's nothing but niggers

180. and even worse today, I hear.

181. Why do you keep saying that?

182. Saying what?

183. That. Nothing.

184. Lilly, don't.

185. Well, if you're not gonna eat any nuts,

186. I'm gonna go find you some cookies

187. or something.

188. I have some store-bought cookies.

189. Okay. And... someplace.

190. I don't know.

191. I'll be right back. All right.

192. That's a bad word she keeps saying.

193. I know.

194. Yeah, I don't like that word.

195. Well, it's not a good one.

196. Why didn't you let me ask her about it?

197. Because it's...

198. I don't want you to upset her.

199. She's an old lady, she's from another time.

200. But you wanted us to learn about that time.

201. Yeah, Daddy.

202. Right? Mm-hmm.

203. Y'know, you're right, I— that's why I brought you here.

204. You know what, when she comes back,

205. you can ask her whatever you want.

206. Ellen?

207. Ellen?

208. I was reading to my kids the other night.

209. We have a rule that if they get their... teeth brushed...

210. and their goddamn pajamas on

211. by 7:30, I'll read a book.

212. Those are the rules.

213. I'm always glad when they get ready,

214. 'cause I like to read to them.

215. I do.

216. I love reading to my girls.

217. So we read a book the other night.

218. We were reading "Tom Sawyer"--

219. I'm reading them "Tom Sawyer"

220. because Mark Twain, great author—

221. And they're five and nine years old,

222. they're young for it but they catch up to it

223. and they're fascinated by the— all the lang—

224. He uses big words, and beautiful writer.

225. And I picked "Tom Sawyer," not "Huckleberry Finn"

226. because Tom Sawyer is a nice kid.

227. He goes to school, he goes to church, he lives with his aunt.

228. Huckleberry Finn is a dirty little homeless,

229. little white-trash creep.

230. And the main problem

231. is that he won't stop saying "nigger."

232. I mean, 40 times a page.

233. I can't sit on my daughter's bed

234. and just say "nigger" all night

235. and then put her to sleep.

236. I just ain't gonna do that.

237. Anyway, I'm reading 'em "Tom Sawyer"

238. and it's a real nice book

239. but then, all of a sudden, he runs into

240. Huckleberry Finn on the street.

241. "And then Tom saw his friend, Huck Finn."

242. I'm like, oh, God, okay.

243. All right, let's take it easy here, fellas.

244. Let's just have a nice, quiet conversation here.

245. Let's see how this goes.

246. Huckleberry Finn was carrying a dead cat.

247. It's not a good sign.

248. He's carrying a— he's walking around with a dead cat.

249. Tom Sawyer says, "What ya doing with a dead cat, Huck?"

250. Huck Finn says, "Gonna cure my warts."

251. All right.

252. My kids are fascinated!

253. "Who told you you could cure warts with a dead cat?"

254. "Well, Tom Wilson did it.

255. "He learned it from Jack Johnson,

256. who learned it from some nigger down the street."

257. Oh, God.

258. All right, girls, listen.

259. Here's the thing.

260. America...

261. People would say this word and it's not a good word

262. and I don't know why—

263. I sound like Bill Cosby right now, like...

264. Well, people used to say this word

265. and this is not a nice word to say.

266. And so we remember...

267. I told the girls, y'know,

268. these boys are racists.

269. These boys are racists and they're not nice boys.

270. I think we can still enjoy the stories

271. about the fishin' and the tradin' and...

272. It's weird, man, there's a—

273. Y'know, that's part of our history

274. and we gotta— we have to know it's there,

275. and how do you cope with shit in your past that's bad?

276. Like, how do you try to feel like a good country

277. when you've done shitty things as an entire nation?

278. How do you take your past and still feel good?

279. Y'know, like, I—

280. When I was eight years old,

281. I showed my penis to a girl with Down syndrome

282. that lived down the street

283. and I've got to walk around, living with that every day.

284. I gotta wake up as that guy—

285. I was eight.

286. If I did it yesterday, it would be considered a lot worse.

287. But I'm still the dude that did that.

288. I was just a kid, but this is still the penis

289. that I showed to the girl with Down syndrome

290. by the dumpster behind Kentucky Fried Chicken.

291. That happened.

292. Those were my values at eight years old.

293. And I know that's an awkward thing to equate

294. to slavery in America...

295. but it's kind of the same thing

296. 'cause that shit happened here.

297. How old are you?

298. You're not gonna ever find out... Come on.

299. if I can possibly help it. Come on.

300. No! I can find out, I just—

301. I know you can, so you're gonna go

302. blabbing to everybody. No, I'm not gonna tell anybody.

303. Everybody expect a call.

304. He's gonna tell you exactly how old I am.

305. What? Well, y'know, come on.

306. I'll tell you secretly. Okay.

307. And if you ever blab it around, I'll kill ya.

308. Okay, how old are you?

309. They're all listening, for Christ's sake! It doesn't matter.

310. What are you doing? I'm dying to know, just tell me.

311. I'm gonna tell you in your ear,

312. and you're lucky. All right.

313. I mean, what, is everybody gonna think you're 32?

314. I mean, come on.

315. Well, no.

316. But have you ever seen me all dressed

317. and with makeup on?

318. I haven't, no.

319. I'm in the...

320. How many years does that take you down, honestly?

321. I'm 89.

322. Are you 89, really?

323. Jesus Christ!

324. What did I just tell him?

325. If I never work for you again, it's okay with me.

326. What did I just tell him?

327. I think I heard, like, 39.

328. Yeah.

329. So what do you think?

330. All right, 89, wow.

331. Is it making you nervous?

332. No, I think that's amazing.

333. Well, it's obvious— it's obvious that

334. I'm not gonna have Alzheimer's.

335. No, that's clear, I think you—

336. Yes, it's quite clear.

337. cleared that window, you're fine. Yeah.

338. I went to the University of Chicago. Well, you still smoke.

339. You still— you can smoke cigarettes.

340. That gives a lot of us— I've given it up since January.

341. I never quite inhaled anyway.

342. So who's gonna give me a cigarette after this—

343. We'll share one after this.

344. Listen, I— this is a wonderful company,

345. otherwise I wouldn't talk to anybody.

346. But you all know that

347. and someone's gonna give me a cigarette on the way home!

348. Okay, let's go back to that. So what do we do now?

349. Okay, here we go. Let's roll.