1. I just think there's people that...Copy !req
2. If your life, you know,Copy !req
3. if it's good enough,
you should just shut up.Copy !req
4. There's just some people that
complain when they don't...Copy !req
5. they shouldn't.Copy !req
6. I have two kids and I think
about them sometimesCopy !req
7. and that... like, I got two
little white girls in my house.Copy !req
8. That's a reality.Copy !req
9. These are two little white girls.Copy !req
10. On paper, they're doing awesome,Copy !req
11. just by who they are
and where they are,Copy !req
12. so when they complain,
it kinda drives me crazy,Copy !req
13. because I know what the world is
like around them.Copy !req
14. They have no idea.Copy !req
15. I gave my daughter
medicine the other day.Copy !req
16. She had a fever, so I gave her
TylenolCopy !req
17. and it's bubble-gum flavored,Copy !req
18. so that she'll take it.Copy !req
19. What kind of an
upside-down society is this?Copy !req
20. Oh, how are we gonna
get these childrenCopy !req
21. to take these miracle drugs?Copy !req
22. We better add candy to it.Copy !req
23. I gave her the bubble-gum medicine,Copy !req
24. she goes, "Ew!"Copy !req
25. I'm like, you, ew!Copy !req
26. Are you shitting me?Copy !req
27. That's medicine!Copy !req
28. Most kids in the world
don't have medicine,Copy !req
29. they just don't have it.Copy !req
30. When they get sick,
they just... they die on a rockCopy !req
31. with a bear eating their face,Copy !req
32. that's how most of
the world handles that.Copy !req
33. No, he's got a sniffle,Copy !req
34. ring the bear bell
and put him outside.Copy !req
35. You're a white kid eating
bubble-gum medicine.Copy !req
36. You're wearing clothesCopy !req
37. made by children your age,
professionally.Copy !req
38. Sorry.Copy !req
39. Americans only buy things
that come from suffering.Copy !req
40. They just enjoy it moreCopy !req
41. when they know someone's
getting hurt.Copy !req
42. Trick or treat!
Hi, trick or treat!Copy !req
43. Oh, my God, they're so cute!Copy !req
44. What are you?Copy !req
45. I'm a fairy.Copy !req
46. Oh, nice, a fairy,
have a candy, here.Copy !req
47. Thank you.Copy !req
48. And what are you?Copy !req
49. Frederick Douglass.Copy !req
50. She read a book
about Frederick Douglass.Copy !req
51. Okay.Copy !req
52. Thanks, girls.Copy !req
53. Bye!
Bye, thank you! Thank you, bye-bye.Copy !req
54. What are you doing?Copy !req
55. I'm just taking one, come one.Copy !req
56. Daddy, my beard itches.Copy !req
57. Here you go.Copy !req
58. All right, go on in there.Copy !req
59. Trick or treat!Copy !req
60. Trick or treat!Copy !req
61. Ugh...Copy !req
62. Guys, we gotta...
This is it.Copy !req
63. We're late and it's time to go home.Copy !req
64. Let's go home now, okay?
Aw, come on, Daddy.Copy !req
65. Can we please stay out
a little longer?Copy !req
66. I can't have you
out here in the dark.Copy !req
67. But Mommy always lets us
trick-or-treat after darkCopy !req
68. when it's her turn to
have us on Halloween.Copy !req
69. Jane, I know that's not true.Copy !req
70. No, it isn't.Copy !req
71. Daddy!Copy !req
72. What?Copy !req
73. Can we please stay out
a little longer?Copy !req
74. All right, let's hit
a few more stores.Copy !req
75. Yay!
Yay!Copy !req
76. Yes!
All right, come on.Copy !req
77. Crazy.Copy !req
78. Daddy, these people are scary.Copy !req
79. Baby, they're just costumes,
let's just get home.Copy !req
80. We'll be okay.Copy !req
81. Jesus, thanks a lot, you asshole!Copy !req
82. Girls, girls, it's okay,
it's okay, it's okay.Copy !req
83. It's okay.Copy !req
84. Listen, girls, let's just get home.Copy !req
85. None of this is real, you understand?Copy !req
86. None of it's real.Copy !req
87. Let's get home and brush all
that sugar out of your teeth.Copy !req
88. Come on, come on.Copy !req
89. Let's go.Copy !req
90. You know, someday
you girls are probablyCopy !req
91. gonna dress in scary costumes.Copy !req
92. You know, when you're teenagers.Copy !req
93. It's... it's like scary movies.Copy !req
94. People like to scare each other.Copy !req
95. Yeah, exactly.
It's just fun.Copy !req
96. It's just fun, baby, that's right.Copy !req
97. Halloween.
Right.Copy !req
98. Daddy?Copy !req
99. It's okay, don't worry about it.Copy !req
100. Hi.Copy !req
101. Daddy, why are we walking faster?Copy !req
102. Hi!
Just, let's go.Copy !req
103. It's all right.
It's okay.Copy !req
104. What's wrong, Daddy?Copy !req
105. It's just pre...Copy !req
106. Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.Copy !req
107. Come on, come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
108. I think we lost 'em.Copy !req
109. I think we lost 'em.Copy !req
110. It's okay, come on.Copy !req
111. We'll go to bed, we'll be fine.Copy !req
112. Jesus.Copy !req
113. We came around the corner
and scared you.Copy !req
114. We scared you.Copy !req
115. Daddy, this isn't pretend.Copy !req
116. This is scary.Copy !req
117. Oh, no, no, no, it is pretend.Copy !req
118. These guys are pretending.Copy !req
119. We are?Copy !req
120. Yeah, you... you...Copy !req
121. They're pretending and they're
gonna let us go, right?Copy !req
122. They're just gonna let us go.Copy !req
123. We're gonna let you go?Copy !req
124. Let you go?Copy !req
125. Well, what if we don't wanna?Copy !req
126. Yeah, what if we don't...
what if we don't wanna?Copy !req
127. What are you gonna do, Daddy?Copy !req
128. Oh, girls, your daddy is brave.Copy !req
129. He is brave.Copy !req
130. He doesn't want to show it,
but he's scared inside.Copy !req
131. He's... he's frozen, like...
he's frozen like a lollipop.Copy !req
132. Come on, man, you don't wanna...
He's frozen.Copy !req
133. You don't wanna hurt these kids.Copy !req
134. You guys are better than that, right?Copy !req
135. I mean, you...
Oh, no, no...Copy !req
136. These are two little girls, you know?Copy !req
137. I don't... I don't want to
hurt any kids,Copy !req
138. you're right, I don't,
but... but Giant here, he's...Copy !req
139. He's scary.Copy !req
140. I think I'm about to do
something bad.Copy !req
141. I think I'm about to
do something real badCopy !req
142. to these people.Copy !req
143. Hey, stop it!Copy !req
144. Being scary is not nice!Copy !req
145. Halloween's for fun!Copy !req
146. You're supposed to have a nice time,Copy !req
147. dress up and get candy!Copy !req
148. It's not nice to scare people.Copy !req
149. And you shouldn't scare my
daddy, either!Copy !req
150. Stop it right now!Copy !req
151. Girls, go over there.Copy !req
152. Daddy, don't!Copy !req
153. Daddy, don't!Copy !req
154. You okay?Copy !req
155. What do we do now?Copy !req
156. We're gonna wait for
the police to come,Copy !req
157. we're gonna tell them what happenedCopy !req
158. and we're gonna pay for the window.Copy !req
159. Whoa, Daddy, how did
you know to do that?Copy !req
160. You were very brave.Copy !req
161. I'm happy you're good, too.Copy !req
162. Hey, hey, everybody?Copy !req
163. Everyone?Copy !req
164. Hi.Copy !req
165. Hey there.Copy !req
166. I want to thank
all of you for being hereCopy !req
167. for the round-table rewrite
of "Out of Here."Copy !req
168. I'm Eddie Faye
and I wrote the script.Copy !req
169. This is Jordan, who's directing.Copy !req
170. We start principal
photog in about two weeksCopy !req
171. and we're basically here to
try to inject some funnyCopy !req
172. back into the script,Copy !req
173. which was sapped out by all
the notes and story fixes.Copy !req
174. You're all hereCopy !req
175. because you're funny and you
were all willing to workCopy !req
176. for the favored nation's 5,000 eachCopy !req
177. plus croissants and jelly.Copy !req
178. Okay, page one.Copy !req
179. "bedroom; morning.Copy !req
180. "Angle on alarm clock,
it reads 6:59 a.m.Copy !req
181. "It changes to 7:00
and the alarm goes off.Copy !req
182. "It's a loud, annoying buzz.Copy !req
183. "A hand appears from offscreenCopy !req
184. "and fumbles to
slap down on the snooze bar,Copy !req
185. "we follow up the arm and land
on its owner, Mike Bradsky,Copy !req
186. "a cop in his 30s.Copy !req
187. "'Ugh, not another
one of these.'Copy !req
188. "As Mike rolls over on his
side to go back to sleep,Copy !req
189. "his dog comes over
and starts licking his face.Copy !req
190. 'Come on, boy,
give me a break.'"Copy !req
191. All right, anybody got anything
for page one?Copy !req
192. I had instead of
"not another one of these,"Copy !req
193. something like, "39 years of
shitty days,Copy !req
194. 22 years to go."Copy !req
195. That's pretty good.Copy !req
196. What if he says, like, what are...Copy !req
197. You know, when his dog's
licking his face,Copy !req
198. what if he says something
like, "Come on, you mutt"?Copy !req
199. Or he's like, "What do I look
like, a Gaines-Burger?"Copy !req
200. All right, um...Copy !req
201. Do we really need another movieCopy !req
202. with the alarm clock close-upCopy !req
203. and the dog's licking the guy...Copy !req
204. I mean, come on, everybody.Copy !req
205. This is like every
bad cop movie I've ever seen.Copy !req
206. It's just lazy.Copy !req
207. Thank you.Copy !req
208. Thank you for the teardown, Evan.Copy !req
209. But folks are here so they
can add ideas,Copy !req
210. so you got a better way to start?Copy !req
211. Not really.Copy !req
212. Just saying it's lame.Copy !req
213. Okay.Copy !req
214. Page two.Copy !req
215. What if the dog stops the alarm?Copy !req
216. That's not bad.Copy !req
217. How does he wake up?Copy !req
218. I don't know, maybe he doesn't.Copy !req
219. I mean, like, if you see
the dog's pawCopy !req
220. hits the alarm clockCopy !req
221. and then... then you see his
face and he's sleeping.Copy !req
222. And then you go back to the
clock and then time goes byCopy !req
223. and it's now like 11:00,Copy !req
224. and then the guy wakes up
and smiling,Copy !req
225. 'cause he has no idea how late it is.Copy !req
226. That's funny.Copy !req
227. He's like, why do I feel so good?Copy !req
228. Then he realizes what time
it is, he screams,Copy !req
229. he jumps out of bed, except he
forgets he sleeps in a loft bedCopy !req
230. and he falls down the stairs.Copy !req
231. Yeah, yeah, now,
maybe this is too much,Copy !req
232. but at the bottom of the stairs,Copy !req
233. maybe he's knocked out cold, right?Copy !req
234. And he lays there sleeping
even longer.Copy !req
235. Maybe that's where
the dog licks his face.Copy !req
236. And now he wakes up again
and he's even later.Copy !req
237. We could do, like, an action montageCopy !req
238. of him rushing to the station,
he puts on siren,Copy !req
239. you know, big chase,
chase, chase, chase, chase.Copy !req
240. People run out of way because
he's late for work, maybe.Copy !req
241. What if, like,
he's in his car, right?Copy !req
242. And he drives into a truck or
whatever, and he's like,Copy !req
243. "I'm getting too old for this shit."Copy !req
244. You've got to be kidding me.Copy !req
245. Not like... not we're, like,
we're actually saying that line,Copy !req
246. it's like a joke on the fact
that we're using...Copy !req
247. it's like we're making fun
of the fact of how lame it is.Copy !req
248. You could keep bringing this dog backCopy !req
249. and the dog could keep
screwing up this guy's lifeCopy !req
250. and he's not even aware of it.Copy !req
251. That's funny.Copy !req
252. But it changes our whole opening.Copy !req
253. I mean, that's a lot to produce.Copy !req
254. Go ahead and write it, Eddie.Copy !req
255. We'll find the money.Copy !req
256. Okay.Copy !req
257. So...Copy !req
258. what happens after he wakes up?Copy !req
259. So do you have, like, a methodCopy !req
260. for coming up with a good joke?Copy !req
261. I don't know what to tell you, kid,Copy !req
262. I let the jokes come to me.Copy !req
263. Hey, man, nice job.
Hey, thank you.Copy !req
264. Thanks.Copy !req
265. Good work.
Thank you.Copy !req
266. Funny stuff, guy.Copy !req
267. Thanks, thanks.Copy !req
268. Hi, I'm Ellie.Copy !req
269. Hi, I'm Louie.Copy !req
270. You're a comedian.Copy !req
271. Yeah.Copy !req
272. Can I buy you lunch?
You know what?Copy !req
273. I gotta pick up my kids at school,Copy !req
274. so it's not the best time, but...Copy !req
275. Well, get a sitter.Copy !req
276. This is your future, honey.Copy !req
277. Hey, Ellie.Copy !req
278. What's up?Copy !req
279. Did you read my script?Copy !req
280. No, of course not.Copy !req
281. It's only your job!Copy !req
282. Let's go.Copy !req
283. Okay.Copy !req
284. Hi, Ms. Bormer.
Hey, Harry.Copy !req
285. Lunch for two?
Yeah.Copy !req
286. So first of all,
do you know who I am?Copy !req
287. Uh, no, not really.Copy !req
288. I mean, your name is Ellie
and you're a producer or...Copy !req
289. I'm a vice president at
Paramount Pictures.Copy !req
290. Oh.
Yeah.Copy !req
291. I have a discretionary budget
and I can green-light.Copy !req
292. Do you know what that means?Copy !req
293. Yes, I...Copy !req
294. Are you interested in making movies?Copy !req
295. Yes.
Yes?Copy !req
296. Uh, yes, I... I am.Copy !req
297. Okay.Copy !req
298. Let's get started.Copy !req
299. Okay.Copy !req
300. Listen, I am a person...Copy !req
301. who knows when someone can do things.Copy !req
302. I know talent when I see itCopy !req
303. and I need you to know
that when I find someone,Copy !req
304. I don't mess around.Copy !req
305. Louie...
are you ready?Copy !req
306. Because after today,Copy !req
307. nothing is going to ever
be the same again.Copy !req
308. I bet you've got 50 movie ideas
sitting in that brain.Copy !req
309. Yeah, I have ideas.Copy !req
310. Let's make all of them.Copy !req
311. Okay.Copy !req
312. Tell me the best one now.Copy !req
313. Yeah?Copy !req
314. All right, well...Copy !req
315. well, you know how movies,
there's always a guyCopy !req
316. and his life is, you know, okay?Copy !req
317. And then something happens,Copy !req
318. like a conflict
and he has to resolve it,Copy !req
319. and then his life gets better?Copy !req
320. Well, I always wanted to make a movieCopy !req
321. where a guy's life is really badCopy !req
322. and then something
happens and it makes it worseCopy !req
323. but instead of resolving it,
he just makes bad choicesCopy !req
324. and then it goes
from worse to really bad,Copy !req
325. and... and things just keep
happening to himCopy !req
326. and he keeps doing dumb things,Copy !req
327. so his life just gets worse and worseCopy !req
328. and, like, darker and...Copy !req
329. Like... like he has... lives in
a little one-room apartment,Copy !req
330. he's not a very good-looking guy,Copy !req
331. he has no friends and he lives...Copy !req
332. he works in, like,
a factory, where they...Copy !req
333. like a sewage-disposal plant,Copy !req
334. and then he gets fired,Copy !req
335. so now he doesn't even have his
job at the shit factory anymoreCopy !req
336. and he's... and he's going brokeCopy !req
337. and he takes, like,
a trip and it rains,Copy !req
338. like, just stuff, just shit
keeps... horrible.Copy !req
339. But then he meets a girlCopy !req
340. and she's beautiful
and he falls in love,Copy !req
341. so you think that's gonna be
the thing, the happy thing,Copy !req
342. but then she turns out to
be a crook and she robs him,Copy !req
343. she takes his wallet,Copy !req
344. and now he's, like, stuck
in the middle of nowhereCopy !req
345. and he's got no wallet
and no credit cards.Copy !req
346. Like what do you do?Copy !req
347. How do you even get home or...Copy !req
348. Doesn't he have a cell phone?Copy !req
349. Well...Copy !req
350. Yeah, I mean,
I came up with this beforeCopy !req
351. cell phones were really...Copy !req
352. You know what,
Louie, this is amazing.Copy !req
353. I just... I just need to go
say hello to some peopleCopy !req
354. who just walked in.Copy !req
355. Give me a second, okay, hon?Copy !req
356. Okay.Copy !req
357. Oh.Copy !req
358. When I was... when
I graduated high school,Copy !req
359. all my friends went to college
and I didn't.Copy !req
360. I was a very bad
student and there was...Copy !req
361. No, I could have got into
some college,Copy !req
362. but why keep failing?Copy !req
363. Why just keep being in trouble
all the timeCopy !req
364. and doing things badly?Copy !req
365. So I just figured, I'll just go
work and do things.Copy !req
366. So... I moved in with my only friend,Copy !req
367. who I wasn't very good friends with,Copy !req
368. but he also didn't go to college,Copy !req
369. so we got an apartment in Boston,Copy !req
370. and so we're both 18 years oldCopy !req
371. living in downtown BostonCopy !req
372. and we lived in one room,
we slept in the same room,Copy !req
373. this little tiny studio apartment,Copy !req
374. and so one time, he started
making jokes about jerking off.Copy !req
375. He's like, "Do you
jerk off a lot, y'know?Copy !req
376. Do you want me to leave the room
so you can jerk off?"Copy !req
377. Like, he kept saying that.Copy !req
378. "Hey, man, if you need me to
leave so you can jerk off,Copy !req
379. I'll do that," or whatever.Copy !req
380. And I was like, "Well, hey, what
about when you would jerk off?"Copy !req
381. And he goes,
"I don't... I don't do that."Copy !req
382. And I was like, "What?"Copy !req
383. And he goes, "I never have done it."Copy !req
384. And I was like, "Are you serious?"Copy !req
385. I was blown away by this.Copy !req
386. He said, "I've never done it."Copy !req
387. He's goes, "I kinda wish I could,Copy !req
388. "but I just can't
bring myself to do it.Copy !req
389. "It's just too weird, like,
I get weirded out.Copy !req
390. I've never done it."Copy !req
391. And I was like, "Really?"Copy !req
392. And he said,
"Yeah, I never jerked off."Copy !req
393. And he told me that, and I...Copy !req
394. That stuck in me for yearsCopy !req
395. because I thought, there's
folks that cannot do it,Copy !req
396. because, to me,
this shit is just a plague.Copy !req
397. I'll never escape this shit.Copy !req
398. There's moments I've done thisCopy !req
399. that I really
would like to take back,Copy !req
400. but I had... it's just, you know...Copy !req
401. Sometimes, I'm all packed,
ready, I got bags...Copy !req
402. And I go, "Uh, I gotta
sit down and jerk offCopy !req
403. before I leave the house."Copy !req
404. There's... it's just a constant...Copy !req
405. insulin injection that I need to get.Copy !req
406. And I really hate it.Copy !req
407. I'd love to never have to
jerk off, and this...Copy !req
408. And I've always thought, I'm...
there's something wrong with me,Copy !req
409. 'cause there is a dude
who was pretty normalCopy !req
410. who just said, "I don't do it."Copy !req
411. Anyway, I ran into him
about two years ago,Copy !req
412. and he said to me,Copy !req
413. "Remember when I... when we
talked about jerking off?"Copy !req
414. And I said, "Yes!"Copy !req
415. And... he said,Copy !req
416. "I don't know why
I was, like, ashamed toCopy !req
417. talk about it with you, but I
was jerking off constantly."Copy !req
418. He said, "I've been jerking off
since I was 11Copy !req
419. "and when we lived together,Copy !req
420. "I used to go in the bathroom
and jack off all the timeCopy !req
421. and I was afraid to tell you."Copy !req
422. And I was like, if I could...Copy !req
423. if I could murder one person,
it would be you.Copy !req
424. If I could kill one guy,Copy !req
425. it would be you, you piece of shit!Copy !req
426. When I was about
six years old, maybe,Copy !req
427. I stayed home from school one day.Copy !req
428. I had a single mom and she worked,Copy !req
429. so when I stayed home from school,Copy !req
430. I just got to be alone in my house,Copy !req
431. and so one day I was
alone in my house watching TV...Copy !req
432. I think I was about six years
old, maybe seven,Copy !req
433. and I went and got my pillow
from my bed and I sat on itCopy !req
434. and I farted into it,
and then I decided...Copy !req
435. I was sick in my stomach,Copy !req
436. so I was like, I'm just gonna
fart into this pillowCopy !req
437. for as... just all day.Copy !req
438. I mean, I just kt
farting into that pillow,Copy !req
439. just over and over again,Copy !req
440. like, at least more than 200 times,Copy !req
441. just for hours,Copy !req
442. and then I told myself,
I'm gonna smell this nowCopy !req
443. because I've been farting into
it all day.Copy !req
444. And I just... I had
the pillow and I just said,Copy !req
445. I'm just gonna go all at onceCopy !req
446. and I just shoved it in my face
and I went...Copy !req
447. And...Copy !req
448. I have never had an experienceCopy !req
449. like that again in my life.Copy !req
450. I really feel like
I overstimulated myselfCopy !req
451. at six years old because it,
like, jaded me forCopy !req
452. every other thing
that's ever happened.Copy !req
453. I watched a bum eat a ratCopy !req
454. and I was like, "So...Copy !req
455. I smelled 200 farts when I was six."Copy !req