1. - hey.
- hey.
Copy !req
2. why are you dressed like that?
Copy !req
3. this? I'm getting married.
Copy !req
4. what? when?
Copy !req
5. later today.
Copy !req
6. - congratulations.
- thanks.
Copy !req
7. wait a minute. Who are you getting married to?
Copy !req
8. my mother's friend.
Copy !req
9. why?
Copy !req
10. one of my teeth is rotted.
Copy !req
11. if I marry her, I can use her medicaid.
Copy !req
12. you're getting married to get a tooth fixed?
Copy !req
13. I'm in a lot of pain.
Copy !req
14. yeah but that- what you're doing is crazy.
Copy !req
15. what's crazy? get married?
Copy !req
16. eat her pussy like I promised?
Copy !req
17. get my tooth fixed.
Copy !req
18. then divorce the old twat and tell her to go fuck herself.
Copy !req
19. aw, jeez.
Copy !req
20. she's gonna fall in love with you.
Copy !req
21. what are you gonna do if she doesn't want to divorce you?
Copy !req
22. who cares? she's 80, I'll cut the brakes on her scooter.
Copy !req
23. okay, well, good luck with that.
Copy !req
24. thanks. By the way, assholes,
Copy !req
25. we are registered at crate & barrel.
Copy !req
26. "lucky louie" was taped
before a live audience.
Copy !req
27. - did you get your hair cut?
- yeah, this morning.
Copy !req
28. it was an emergency.
Copy !req
29. an emergency? what happened?
Copy !req
30. wendy crawled into bed with us last night with a mouthful of gum.
Copy !req
31. so I got my hair cut and mike had to shave one of his pits.
Copy !req
32. well, it looks good. It's bouncy.
Copy !req
33. philippe's a genius.
Copy !req
34. you know, his name is french,
Copy !req
35. but he's puerto rican.
Copy !req
36. who do you go to?
Copy !req
37. oh. lately louie's been cutting my hair.
Copy !req
38. that's a relief. I thought you'd been paying for that.
Copy !req
39. go to philippe, he only costs 60 bucks.
Copy !req
40. I can't afford to spend $60 on a haircut, tina.
Copy !req
41. why not? are you broke?
Copy !req
42. listen.
Copy !req
43. I was wondering if maybe you would consider asking mike
Copy !req
44. - to give louie a raise.
- no problemo.
Copy !req
45. really?
Copy !req
46. yeah, I'll tell mike to give him a $60 raise,
Copy !req
47. - so that you can get a decent haircut.
- thanks, tina.
Copy !req
48. sure. Actually, I'll make it 75 so you can get a wax.
Copy !req
49. I can see your leg hair sticking through your jeans.
Copy !req
50. hey, why are you whistling?
Copy !req
51. 'cause I'm happy. Actually I got a raise today.
Copy !req
52. you whistle when you're happy?
Copy !req
53. I whistle when I'm depressed.
Copy !req
54. - really?
- yeah. Like this:
Copy !req
55. what's wrong, jerry?
Copy !req
56. nothing. I was fine till I started whistling.
Copy !req
57. hey. I have good news.
Copy !req
58. - so do I.
- you're gonna get a raise.
Copy !req
59. wait. How did you find out?
Copy !req
60. mike told tina and tina told you?
Copy !req
61. no, I told tina, then tina told mike.
Copy !req
62. told him what?
Copy !req
63. I told tina to have give you a raise
Copy !req
64. and she talked to him and he said, "okay."
Copy !req
65. oh so- so you did this?
Copy !req
66. what?
Copy !req
67. I guess I just thought I earned it.
Copy !req
68. oh, honey. You did earn it.
Copy !req
69. you do a good job and you work really hard.
Copy !req
70. and that is why I gave you a raise.
Copy !req
71. we've got the new camshaft gear for the '92 acura.
Copy !req
72. that car left here yesterday.
Copy !req
73. it was running?
Copy !req
74. - hey, I'll go do the brakes of that mazda.
- all right.
Copy !req
75. hey...
Copy !req
76. did you give me a raise just 'cause tina told you to?
Copy !req
77. yeah. Why?
Copy !req
78. well, I thought maybe I earned it.
Copy !req
79. really?
Copy !req
80. so you can just give me a raise at any point?
Copy !req
81. sure.
Copy !req
82. why didn't you give me a raise like six months ago?
Copy !req
83. tina didn't tell me to.
Copy !req
84. no, I mean I don't like that I got a raise just because of my wife.
Copy !req
85. why did you take the job?
Copy !req
86. - what?
- we didn't hire you because we needed the help.
Copy !req
87. we hired you because kim told tina that you needed to work.
Copy !req
88. I't know that.
Copy !req
89. well, it explains why you didn't thank me.
Copy !req
90. this is bullshit. I don't need your charity.
Copy !req
91. again, not my idea.
Copy !req
92. you know what man? I quit.
Copy !req
93. - okay.
- okay.
Copy !req
94. oh wait, louie. Let me fire you so you can collect unemployment.
Copy !req
95. - hey.
- hey.
Copy !req
96. - how was your day?
- good.
Copy !req
97. g ood.
Copy !req
98. I think there's a short in this cord.
Copy !req
99. oh yeah? I quit my job today.
Copy !req
100. what? why?
Copy !req
101. I don't want a pity job that you got for me.
Copy !req
102. I feel like everybody is been humoring me
Copy !req
103. like when lucy does a drawing and we put it on the refrigerator
Copy !req
104. and we say, "oh, you are going to be an artist."
Copy !req
105. she's not gonna be a fucking artist.
Copy !req
106. - what's your problem?
- I don't have a problem.
Copy !req
107. everything's great now. You may have gotten me a job,
Copy !req
108. maybe you got me a raise,
Copy !req
109. but I quit all by myself. I did that.
Copy !req
110. no one can take that shit away from me.
Copy !req
111. so he's mad at you for doing him a favor?
Copy !req
112. yeah, can you believe that?
Copy !req
113. he's got the sweetest setup of anybody ever.
Copy !req
114. I work and pay the bills, he barely does shit.
Copy !req
115. but he wants to get out of the house, so we get him a job,
Copy !req
116. which just covers the daycare so he can work the job,
Copy !req
117. and at the job all he does is eat donuts with his jackass friends.
Copy !req
118. - no offense to your husband.
- none taken.
Copy !req
119. and I end up doing most of the housework for him,
Copy !req
120. and on top of everything else I fuck him and give him a blowy every now and then.
Copy !req
121. - you do so much.
- I know, right?
Copy !req
122. you know what you should do?
Copy !req
123. quit your job and make him get off his ass and support you for a while.
Copy !req
124. I don't wanna quit my job. I love being a nurse.
Copy !req
125. you shouldn't have to work.
Copy !req
126. well, I never think of it as work.
Copy !req
127. it's what I've always wanted to be since I was a little girl.
Copy !req
128. so what? he's getting to do what he wants to do.
Copy !req
129. but maybe he's not though.
Copy !req
130. has he ever gotten to do what he wants to do?
Copy !req
131. oh, make up your mind. Is he a dick or not?
Copy !req
132. - hi.
- hi.
Copy !req
133. tin, could you...
Copy !req
134. oh shit, I wanted to see this one.
Copy !req
135. so where did you go?
Copy !req
136. just walking around, thinking a lot.
Copy !req
137. I'm sorry about blowing up before.
Copy !req
138. never mind that.
Copy !req
139. listen, I have something important to say to you.
Copy !req
140. come on, sit down.
Copy !req
141. - what do you want?
- what do you mean?
Copy !req
142. it's weird.
Copy !req
143. I don't really know. Do you have...
Copy !req
144. like a dream? I got to be a nurse.
Copy !req
145. was there ever something that you wanted to do with your life
Copy !req
146. that you never got a chance to do?
Copy !req
147. well, yeah, I wanted to be a pilot.
Copy !req
148. ofirplanes?
Copy !req
149. it just always seemed really cool to me.
Copy !req
150. when I was in high school I was really into it.
Copy !req
151. - I didn't know that.
- yeah.
Copy !req
152. I memorized the whole radio alphabet.
Copy !req
153. alpha, bravo, charlie, delta, echo, foxtrot,
Copy !req
154. golf, hotel, india, juliet, kilo, lima,
Copy !req
155. mike, november, oscar, papa, romeo, sierra,
Copy !req
156. tango, uniform, victor, whiskey, x-ray, yankee, zulu.
Copy !req
157. wow. That's long.
Copy !req
158. so why didn't you ever do anything about it?
Copy !req
159. I did. I went to the air force recruiting center,
Copy !req
160. and they gave me some forms to take home and I just never filled them out.
Copy !req
161. why not?
Copy !req
162. well, I had to make a copy of my driver's license,
Copy !req
163. and the copier at the library was broken
Copy !req
164. and I kind of lost momentum after that.
Copy !req
165. okay, look. You have to do this.
Copy !req
166. this is your dream, you gotta go for it.
Copy !req
167. kim, I'm 38.
Copy !req
168. exactly you're 38, fuck it.
Copy !req
169. take a shot, why not?
Copy !req
170. I mean you already know that alphabet thingy
Copy !req
171. with the alpha-onesie-twosie. That shit is sexy.
Copy !req
172. yeah, but... can we do this?
Copy !req
173. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.
Copy !req
174. but you supported me through nursing school,
Copy !req
175. I'm willing to let you give this a try.
Copy !req
176. you wanna be a pilot? go be a pilot.
Copy !req
177. wow, really?
Copy !req
178. yeah. Actually I'm kind of excited.
Copy !req
179. it's been a while since I fucked a pilot.
Copy !req
180. okay. What cloud types
Copy !req
181. would indicate convective turbulence?
Copy !req
182. a: cirrus.
Copy !req
183. b: nimbostratus
Copy !req
184. c: towering cumulus.
Copy !req
185. come on, douche bag, we just went over it.
Copy !req
186. is it a?
Copy !req
187. c: towering cumulus.
Copy !req
188. what kind of dipshit doesn't know that?
Copy !req
189. you're supposed to be helping me.
Copy !req
190. yeah, but by discouraging you
Copy !req
191. I'm saving countless lives.
Copy !req
192. sorry to interrupt. Can I get a couple ice cubes?
Copy !req
193. yeah, sure, jerry.
Copy !req
194. I'm glad your unemployment is not getting you down.
Copy !req
195. you're trying to better yourself like I do.
Copy !req
196. better yourself?
Copy !req
197. there's a version of him that's worse than this?
Copy !req
198. it's all about helping people.
Copy !req
199. that's why when I ha time, I go help out at the soup kitchen.
Copy !req
200. - you do?
- yeah.
Copy !req
201. they got free soup. I eat there all the time.
Copy !req
202. I thought you said you were helping people.
Copy !req
203. I am. if I wasn't there, who would they give the soup to?
Copy !req
204. see, I'm helping them,
Copy !req
205. because it makes them feel good
Copy !req
206. to bring people soup.
Copy !req
207. oh, I see your logic. What about this:
Copy !req
208. by helping them feel good, it makes you feel good, right?
Copy !req
209. right.
Copy !req
210. so technically, aren't they the ones helping you?
Copy !req
211. oh. you're right.
Copy !req
212. I didn't help anybody.
Copy !req
213. I've been wasting my life.
Copy !req
214. now I gotta rethink everything.
Copy !req
215. all right, relax jerry, have another ice cube.
Copy !req
216. all right, lou, let's go.
Copy !req
217. pilot minimum flight visibility
Copy !req
218. - for class e airspace-
- okay, wait wait wait wait.
Copy !req
219. my head's starting to hurt, can we take a break?
Copy !req
220. fine by me.
Copy !req
221. now that's a cumulus cloud.
Copy !req
222. check it out. I know the whole radio alphabet.
Copy !req
223. alpha, bravo, charlie, delta,
Copy !req
224. echo, foxtrot, golf, hotel, india...
Copy !req
225. juliet, kilo, lima, mike, november, oscar.
Copy !req
226. wait a minute. You guys know it too?
Copy !req
227. yeah. I learned the whole thing off of my police scanner.
Copy !req
228. I don't know how I know it.
Copy !req
229. what the fuck is going on here?
Copy !req
230. we're taking a study break.
Copy !req
231. okay, I'm picking up lucy from daycare in 10 minutes.
Copy !req
232. rich, get your weed and your superbong out of my house.
Copy !req
233. fine.
Copy !req
234. I'll finish this on the bus.
Copy !req
235. jerry, go downstairs please, I'll talk toou later.
Copy !req
236. all right.
Copy !req
237. you ally inspired me, louie!
Copy !req
238. I can't believe you spent the whole day getting stoned.
Copy !req
239. do you know they frown on this when you are a pilot?
Copy !req
240. I'm not gonna be a pilot. Who are we kidding?
Copy !req
241. - why not?
- it's too hard.
Copy !req
242. all these vectors, and altitudes, and sea level.
Copy !req
243. who gives a shit what the cs are called?
Copy !req
244. I just wanted to fly around.
Copy !req
245. okay, so maybe you flying planes was a little ambitious.
Copy !req
246. let's shoot for a more realistic dream
Copy !req
247. that involves stuff that you're already good at.
Copy !req
248. you mean a dream about mufflers?
Copy !req
249. whose dream is that?
Copy !req
250. you know I never thought ofctually trying to build a future with mufflers,
Copy !req
251. - but maybe...
- muffler city on central avenue.
Copy !req
252. they are looking for a new assiant manager.
Copy !req
253. I haven't fucked an assistant manager in a while either.
Copy !req
254. this is so great that you got a job interview, jerry.
Copy !req
255. yeah. I'm turning my life around.
Copy !req
256. I'm gonna get a job, a stove and a cat.
Copy !req
257. let's just start with a job.
Copy !req
258. so what does this company do?
Copy !req
259. that's gonna be the first question I ask at the interview.
Copy !req
260. thanks.
Copy !req
261. listen, this is louie's only suit, so be careful.
Copy !req
262. don't worry, I'm not gonna lose it.
Copy !req
263. I'm gonna keep it on the whole time.
Copy !req
264. hey, look at yo
Copy !req
265. assistant manager bad-ass.
Copy !req
266. yeah, I look like a bottle of fanta.
Copy !req
267. anyway, here I go.
Copy !req
268. great. Here. Good luck, babe.
Copy !req
269. thanks. Hey, jerry, have a good interview.
Copy !req
270. have a good first day flying, captain.
Copy !req
271. I wanna work for your fine organization.
Copy !req
272. oh.
Copy !req
273. I like your enthusiasm,
Copy !req
274. and I can offer you an entry-level position.
Copy !req
275. oh. okay, yeah.
Copy !req
276. okay then. You got yourself a job.
Copy !req
277. oh. thanks a lot.
Copy !req
278. well, welcome aboard.
Copy !req
279. yeah, welcome aboard.
Copy !req
280. welcome aboard.
Copy !req
281. it's like, "welcome," it's like...
Copy !req
282. "well, come aboard."
Copy !req
283. it's well, it's good, it's great.
Copy !req
284. you're aboard now. In fact, you're on board
Copy !req
285. but you're not a board.
Copy !req
286. you're enlivened now.
Copy !req
287. you're given life. That's what you did.
Copy !req
288. you woke up this morning and you said, "I'm gonna liven somebody,"
Copy !req
289. while- that's what you were thinking while you were shaving,
Copy !req
290. that's what you were thinking, you were just gonna hire somebody.
Copy !req
291. you're not the hirer, u're the guy who gets them on the ship.
Copy !req
292. and you y the ship on the sea
Copy !req
293. of what happens next.
Copy !req
294. you got me into an arena
Copy !req
295. of "let's make it happen now."
Copy !req
296. you know, this ain't just a building,
Copy !req
297. and paintings. You've got colors flying around here.
Copy !req
298. you designate colors. You inject colors
Copy !req
299. into the man and say, "hey, man, let the colors fly!
Copy !req
300. let them fly, man! you're here to soar!"
Copy !req
301. it's about soaring buddy, the ship don't float.
Copy !req
302. the ship soars man.
Copy !req
303. and it cuts away the pirates coming up,
Copy !req
304. and the piranhas and the sharks!
Copy !req
305. so what time? what is the time
Copy !req
306. that you desire, that you long for
Copy !req
307. rapaciously? you're vicious.
Copy !req
308. you want me viciously-
Copy !req
309. what time you want me in here?
Copy !req
310. 9:00 am?
Copy !req
311. - hey, how was work?
- great.
Copy !req
312. - really, really great.
- that's awesome.
Copy !req
313. yeah, I gotta say being a manager is pretty cool.
Copy !req
314. you get to deal with the customers instead of being under a car all day.
Copy !req
315. and it's a really great group of guys working over there.
Copy !req
316. and I fucking hate it!
Copy !req
317. - what?
- muffler city sucks.
Copy !req
318. that whorehouse can eat my ass.
Copy !req
319. the mechanics are all shitbags who hate me.
Copy !req
320. and the customers think they're on a fucking day spa.
Copy !req
321. today this guy complained that his tailpipe was dirty.
Copy !req
322. and I had to say, "sorry, sir,"
Copy !req
323. instead of, "stick it up your dick, you pussyfaced pussy!"
Copy !req
324. did you like the sandwich I made you for lunch?
Copy !req
325. I ate it on the toilet while crying.
Copy !req
326. honey, maybe tomorrow will be better.
Copy !req
327. I was happy before, hanging out with mike,
Copy !req
328. and fixing the occasional muffler or not.
Copy !req
329. I'm gonna go back to mintz right now,
Copy !req
330. and beg mike for my job back.
Copy !req
331. - actually, could you maybe...
- I'll call tina.
Copy !req
332. yeah.
Copy !req
333. echo, foxtrot, golf, hotel,
Copy !req
334. india, juliet, kilo, lima,
Copy !req
335. michael, november, oscar, papa,
Copy !req
336. - qu- oh. ah.
- no, don't stop.
Copy !req
337. - uh- ooh.
- get to zulu!
Copy !req
338. okay. November, oscar, papa...
Copy !req