Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 4x16

1. So, maybe the chef's recipes were authentic

2. but our waiter's accent, uff.

3. I think the closest he's ever been to Italy

4. was watching "Godfather Part III."

5. - Mmm. - Oh..

6. Hey, let's just forget picking up these file disks.

7. We're not going to get any work done tonight anyway.

8. You know what pasta does to me.

9. You want me to leave my work here?

10. What if the building burns down?

11. What if it explodes?

12. That's been known to happen.

13. Then I would have to start from scratch.

14. Better safe than sorry.

15. Can you say obsessive?

16. I'm obsessively in love with Clark Kent.

17. Happy birthday.

18. Mmm, thank you.

19. But it's not officially my birthday until tomorrow.

20. Well, it must be tomorrow somewhere in the world.

21. What? There's a crisis?

22. Bank robbery? Terrorist strike?

23. - Ribbon cutting. - What?

24. I completely forgot.

25. Superman promised to be at a hospital reopening.

26. I guess you can get some work done tonight after all.

27. A hospital reopening? It's the middle of the night.

28. Not in New Zealand.

29. It's only going to be couple of hours.

30. But... Clark! No, Clark!

31. Surprise! Surprise!

32. Forget it. It's just me. Again.

33. Lois, this is the second time.

34. I know, I know.

35. I'm going to make this happen, though, I swear.

36. Just Clark and I have to get a little better

37. about our scheduling, that's all.

38. Well, maybe by the time you pull this off

39. I'll actually have a date.

40. Probably not.

41. (male #1) 'Good morning, Diticom.'

42. 'Yes. One moment, I'll transfer you.'

43. (Doris) 'Ooh, girl, what is with all this Superman stuff?'

44. 'You gotta be kidding me, right?'

45. Honey, when are you going to get out in the world

46. 'and meet a real man?'

47. They don't come any realer than Superman, Doris.

48. Penny, look, you're a beautiful girl

49. 'you're smart, you're educated'

50. you can have your pick of guys.

51. Why waste your time on some fantasy?

52. He's not a fantasy, Doris.

53. Underneath all that spandex beats the heart of a man.

54. Are you still laboring under the theory

55. that Superman might have some sort of..

56. secret identity or something?

57. How else would someone like him ever

58. hope to lead any kind of normal life, hmm?

59. If that's true

60. I don't know how you expect to find out what it is.

61. By using modern criminology techniques.

62. First, I've constructed a psychological profile

63. of the man of steel.

64. 'I've taken that profile'

65. 'and factored in my theory of a secret identity.'

66. 'Early to mid 20s, possibly 30s.'

67. Probably a professional connected to mass communication.

68. I fed all this information into the computer

69. 'cross referenced with everything'

70. 'we know about Superman.'

71. At this point, it becomes simply about numbers.

72. If you ask me, it's just a waste of time.

73. 'I'll see you later.'

74. (Penny) 'Talk to me, computer.'

75. James Olsen... 97% Superman.

76. I'll see if we can make it a hundred.

77. See that, Steve-O?

78. That's what we'll be capable of after your mission Thursday.

79. Yeah.

80. Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

81. Oh, you're having second thoughts.

82. It's only natural, but..

83. remember our dream, Steve-O.

84. Former President Borman's dream.

85. His vision of a strategic defense system

86. would have ushered in a whole new era of peace.

87. No country or leader would ever again think

88. of warring on its neighbor for fear of instant annihilation.

89. Instead, the annihilator just floats silently

90. above us unfinished.

91. Well, maybe people

92. just aren't meant to have that kind of power.

93. 'You ever think about that?'

94. Maybe, Congress was right to pull the plug.

95. No. If the United States government is unwilling

96. to do what is necessary, I will do it for them.

97. No longer will there be relative morality.

98. There will be absolute morality. Mine.

99. Well, you're gonna have to do it without me.

100. I've decided to go through with this mission

101. the way that NASA has it on the books.

102. What? Steve-O, they want to destroy my satellite platform.

103. Steve-o!

104. We need to test the pulse converter prototype

105. before the real one goes up Thursday, Peters.

106. And I've just decided on the ideal target.

107. A high-profile astronaut doesn't just disappear

108. 36 hours before a mission.

109. Exactly. I want you and Clark on this yesterday.

110. Oh, where is Clark?

111. Uh, dry cleaners.

112. They gave him the wrong shirts.

113. Oh, boy, look at that.

114. Superman cleaned up that toxic waste this morning

115. he still has time to tee off for the celebrity match.

116. You got to hand it to that guy.

117. Sure do.

118. Hey.

119. There's the birthday boy.

120. Yeah. Sorry I'm late.

121. Golf, huh?

122. Yeah.

123. It was for a charity for the kids.

124. Superman couldn't really say no.

125. Doesn't seem to be in his vocabulary.

126. - What do you mean? - Nothing.

127. - Here. - What's this?

128. A missing astronaut. Captain Steve McBride.

129. NASA has no clue where he is.

130. They found some ashy residue

131. in the street where his car was parked.

132. Police forensics is trying to type it.

133. McBride was scheduled for a shuttle mission this Thursday?

134. Maybe, somebody wanted him off the flight roster.

135. We should talk to NASA

136. see what kind of mission that shuttle was going on.

137. James Olsen.

138. Yes, Mr. Olsen, my name is Penny Barnebeedian.

139. I'm a student at Metropolis University.

140. Journalism major.

141. One of our assignments is to interview

142. a working journalist and I was wondering if—

143. Uh, Lane and Kent are on a story right now

144. Miss, uh, Barnebeedian.

145. Uh, but if you want to leave a number—

146. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not them. You.

147. 'I want to interview you.'

148. Uh... do you know what it is I do here?

149. I thought you would tell me about it over lunch.

150. Lunch?

151. You do eat lunch, don't you?

152. - Yeah. - 'Good.'

153. The Roma Cafe, 1 o'clock.

154. Alright. Bye.

155. Engage the soundproofing.

156. What did you find out?

157. Oh. Uh... the shuttle launch is going off as per schedule

158. and they've already replaced Captain McBride.

159. Which is exactly what we have to do!

160. Who's the new boy?

161. Shirley Farnum.

162. When that shuttle goes up

163. we've got to make sure that she's working for us.

164. Use the same channels you used to procure McBride.

165. But, Mr. Grady, sir, that took time.

166. We have less than 36 hours this time.

167. If that shuttle goes up and we don't have a ringer on board

168. our satellite is going to be destroyed

169. along with any hope for world peace.

170. Thanks for coming down here to speak to us, Mr. Paladin.

171. Well, that's what the Federal Office of Information is for.

172. Your office describes

173. the upcoming space mission as "routine."

174. Yes. Yes, you'll find no headline there, Miss Lane.

175. Captain McBride was to take

176. an outmoded weather satellite out of service.

177. With 6,000 manmade objects floating around out there.

178. - It's pretty crowded. - Tell me about it.

179. Do you know anyone who might want to harm captain McBride?

180. Of course not.

181. So... what we have here

182. is a man that everyone liked

183. On a perfectly routine mission.

184. Who suddenly vanishes into thin air.

185. Well..

186. Mr. Paladin, the Office of Information

187. seems to have anything but.

188. An internal investigation is being conducted.

189. Oh, great.

190. Could you tell us the nature of the investigation?

191. Certainly.

192. It's... internal.

193. Now, if you'll excuse me.

194. Thank you for the coffee, by the way.

195. Gee, that went great.

196. James Olsen?

197. Uh, uh, Jimmy.

198. Just, Jimmy.

199. I thought you'd be taller.

200. I-I can be taller.

201. Right, boots.

202. Um, you want to get a table?

203. Yeah, yeah. Table, table would be good.

204. Table, please.

205. So, when exactly did you start working at the "Daily Planet?"

206. Uh, a little over four years ago.

207. I started as an office grunt

208. moved my way up to photo assistant.

209. Of course, over the years I've worked my way up the ranks

210. so, uh, now I'm a, uh, Junior Assistant City Editor.

211. Uh-huh.

212. You and Lois Lane, you... get along?

213. Oh, yeah. Lois and I, we're total buds.

214. And Superman?

215. - What about him? - You and he, close?

216. Oh, like this.

217. - At least.. - Well, I mean—

218. And what about other relationships?

219. I imagine in your line of work, it's tough to maintain a..

220. romance.

221. Romance? No, heh, it's funny you bring that up

222. 'cause this last year alone, there's been a lot.

223. I mean, not a lot.

224. Several is the wrong word.

225. Um, you know, it's just that in my line of work

226. my schedule is so unpredictable that most women

227. my social life's in the pits, to be honest.

228. Excuse me, I'd better call 911.

229. (female # 1) 'Thank you!'

230. Oh!

231. I'm sorry, I ran off like that.

232. I'll confess, Jimmy

233. I don't have much of a social life myself

234. but that's because I've been waiting for that..

235. certain someone.

236. Here's my number.

237. You were wonderful.

238. I can't wait to see you in your blue suit again.

239. I don't even own a blue suit.

240. But I'll definitely get one.

241. I got copies of McBride's phone records.

242. How you doing? Any luck?

243. One late alimony payment and a parking ticket.

244. No enemies. Everybody loved this guy.

245. If Steve McBride was running from something

246. I have no idea what it was.

247. Unless, of course, you don't think

248. he was playing in a golf tournament

249. and forgot to tell anybody about it?

250. Oh, you're still mad about that.

251. I was never mad.

252. - Honey, you were mad. - Okay, maybe I was.

253. 'Clark, it's not just the golf tournaments'

254. it's the charities, it's the visiting the troops

255. it's the hospital reopenings.

256. We hardly ever see each other.

257. Honey, I know it's been a busy couple of weeks.

258. It's always a busy couple of weeks

259. and I know there are certain disasters that are unavoidable

260. but all these public appearances?

261. Lois, it's all just part of what Superman does.

262. I just think we need to prioritize.

263. Do you realize it's been over a week since we've made love?

264. Eight days, six hours, four minutes, and two seconds..

265. but who's counting?

266. Look... I set aside a day just for us.

267. I checked both of our books and the 16th is wide open.

268. You don't have to worry about anything.

269. I've got it all planned.

270. - Sweetheart. - What?

271. Is that the book you checked?

272. Yeah. I looked in this book.

273. This is your day planner.

274. Yeah.

275. Here.

276. You have two books?

277. Superman has a day planner?

278. Honey, could you say that a little louder?

279. I don't think everybody heard you.

280. Clark, you're booked well into the next century.

281. Most of those dates aren't even confirmed yet.

282. I-I promise you, we can work this out.

283. You've got something on the 16th.

284. Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?

285. Hey... nice suit.

286. Very... blue.

287. Thanks. I'm kind of breaking it in.

288. I got a date tonight.

289. This girl, she made the first move.

290. I... she made all the moves.

291. Uh, of course, maybe it's 'cause I wasn't

292. completely honest with her.

293. I kind of embellished some things about myself.

294. (Clark) 'That's perfectly normal, Jimmy.'

295. 'Everybody does that in the getting to know you phase.'

296. Right. Oh! This fax just came for you.

297. Thanks.

298. - What is it? - Uh..

299. That ashy residue found at the scene

300. of McBride's disappearance.

301. - They figure out what it was? - Yeah.

302. Steve McBride.

303. What? How?

304. Local forensics don't know how

305. so they turned it over to the FBI

306. 'special weapons division.'

307. Weapons?

308. Why do I get the feeling McBride's shuttle mission

309. isn't as routine as everyone's saying?

310. - Excuse me. - Mr. Kent, how did you?

311. This area's restricted.

312. Mr. Paladin, I'd like you to take a look at something.

313. That's the FBI special report on that ashy substance

314. found at the scene of McBride's disappearance.

315. My office is not prepared

316. to issue a statement at this time.

317. Captain McBride was murdered, Mr. Paladin.

318. The FBI thinks that those ashes

319. were the result of some sort of military weapon.

320. Captain McBride wasn't going up there

321. to destroy some weather satellite, was he?

322. Look... I know he was a friend of yours.

323. I'm just trying to find out what happened to him.

324. The satellite McBride was going to destroy

325. was part of an obsolete weapons system.

326. Ten years ago, the government initiated the design

327. of a very powerful defense satellite.

328. The annihilator, yeah, but it was never built.

329. Well, yes and no.

330. It was never finished.

331. The satellite platform was actually put into orbit

332. but the power source, the pulse converter, was never built.

333. So that's what this shuttle mission's all about?

334. Yes, we're quashing the platform to be rid of it for good.

335. Even the plans for the pulse converter were destroyed.

336. What if someone made a copy of these plans

337. and what if they actually built this thing?

338. It's useless to them.

339. They'd have no way of getting

340. to the satellite to install it.

341. Unless of course they bribed an astronaut.

342. So this pulse converter

343. what kind of destruction is it capable of?

344. It reduces a target of any size..

345. to ashes.

346. Sir, perhaps vaporizing Captain McBride

347. was the wrong approach.

348. People are asking questions.

349. It, uh, makes it very difficult

350. to get near the other astronauts.

351. If the disappearance of one lousy astronaut

352. gets this much heat

353. just think of the reaction when an entire state disappears.

354. A state, sir?

355. Peters, simply having the annihilator operational

356. that's not enough to ensure world peace.

357. The public has to see it in action.

358. They've got to witness what it's capable of

359. by vaporizing say... West Virginia.

360. But sir, people live in West Virginia

361. - Americans. - Exactly.

362. When the world sees what the annihilator can do

363. nations will beat their swords into plowshares.

364. And mankind will live in perfect..

365. blessed brotherhood.

366. Or I will blast the hell out of them.

367. I had a wonderful time tonight.

368. Me, too.

369. I can't believe you ordered in French.

370. Neither could the waiter.

371. I mean, it was a steakhouse.

372. Well, I've had a lot of time

373. to brush up on things like foreign languages.

374. When you've got no social life, you have that luxury.

375. You know, I-I don't understand that.

376. I would think a girl like you would have a lot of dates.

377. Well, it's not like I don't get asked out by guys.

378. I-I do all the time.

379. Some have been dweebs.

380. Some have actually been pretty nice

381. But none were you

382. Mr. Junior-Assistant-City Editor-Crime-fighter.

383. Uh... Penny..

384. about me being Junior Assistant City Editor.

385. That's not exactly my real job.

386. I know.

387. You do?

388. Jimmy, I haven't been totally honest with you either.

389. You haven't?

390. Come with me. I want to show you something.

391. I work here.

392. I'm not really a University student, Jimmy.

393. You're not? Then why?

394. Soundproofing.

395. Just in case.

396. Are, uh.. Are we going to be making a lot of noise?

397. The walls have ears.

398. I know how important it is to you that no one finds out.

399. Well, actually.. What?

400. I mean. Look at all the trouble you've gone to.

401. It's brilliant, frankly.

402. What better secret identity than some newspaper schmo?

403. Who would ever guess that nobody office grunt Jimmy Olsen

404. was really... Superman?

405. Wait a minute, you think I-I..

406. Look..

407. All that searching, all that waiting

408. all those times I said no..

409. It was worth it.

410. Uh, Penny..

411. Um, I probably heard you wrong, but, uh.. Oh..

412. Uh, you seem to think I'm, ha-ha, Superman.

413. It took me two years

414. several thousand bytes of information

415. and Diticom's state of the art computer system.

416. But I did it.

417. You were a 97% match.

418. Uh, Penny, I really? 97%?

419. And even then I wasn't sure

420. until yesterday

421. when you turned into... him.

422. But don't worry.

423. I won't tell anyone.

424. Your secret's safe with me.

425. - It is? - Yes.

426. Ah. Penny..

427. What's it like to be you?

428. So brave, so fearless

429. so... lonely?

430. - It's hell. - Oh, Superman.

431. Honey Braun industries had the annihilator contract.

432. After congress pulled the plug, Honey Braun went belly-up

433. and was sold off piece by piece.

434. Which means whoever got a hold of those blueprints..

435. Was one of several buyers.

436. Catching up on your correspondence?

437. It just takes me a minute.

438. - What's all this? - It's... fan mail.

439. Wow. I knew you got postcards

440. and an occasional batch of oatmeal scotchies, but this..

441. The post office holds anything that's addressed to Superman.

442. Every couple of months

443. I sort of... fly by and pick it up.

444. I learn more about you every day.

445. An awful lot of people want to hear from Superman

446. sick kids, lonely folks, a..

447. Are these from the sick or the lonely?

448. Or both?

449. Uh, I get a little of that, too.

450. Well, must be a kick to be adored like that.

451. Well, it's-it's not so much that, honey.

452. But I mean, but the cards, the postcards

453. the letters, the charity functions

454. they-they do serve a purpose.

455. I see so much of the bad in people

456. crime and violence, but..

457. To see the good things, it sort of..

458. recharges my spirit.

459. 'Just like the sun recharges Superman's powers'

460. Well, these small things they... sort of recharge me.

461. Oh! Thought I did that.

462. Honey, you sustain me.

463. (female #2) Help, Superman.

464. Uh, someone's in trouble. They're calling for help.

465. Help! Superman!

466. Help! Superman!

467. What seems to be the trouble, miss?

468. Uh, uh, miss, please.

469. I'm sorry to bother you like this, honey.

470. And I won't ever cry wolf again

471. but after you left tonight, I just..

472. I couldn't stop thinking about you.

473. I had to see you... in that... suit.

474. I... uh, um..

475. Ex-excuse me. You seem to be, uh..

476. healthy and strong, I have to fly now.

477. Excuse me.

478. Mr. Grady!

479. I think, I've just found McBride's alternate

480. And the leverage we need to get him.

481. Morning.

482. Morning.

483. Talked to my contact in the FEC.

484. She's going to get me a list of the buyers

485. that purchased pieces of Honey Braun.

486. We should have it this afternoon.

487. Ah. Good.

488. You got home kind of late last night.

489. Yeah. Oil fire in Detroit.

490. Lois, I just want to say I'm sorry.

491. Oh, no, you don't have to. I was wrong.

492. No, you weren't.

493. When I was flying around last night

494. I had a chance to think. I mean, you were right.

495. We're married now, and well, Superman

496. 'can't go off and attend every single event'

497. and charity function that he's invited to.

498. True!

499. But I can understand

500. how Superman needs to experience the good

501. and I want you to have that, Clark.

502. Because when you fly home to me

503. I want you to be okay.

504. - Is that lipstick? - Huh?

505. Oh, yeah. It's the weirdest thing

506. 'cause that soot from the oil fire came right out

507. but this is not..

508. Oh. There was a crazy woman who sort of attacked me, but..

509. I mean, I got away. It was no big deal

510. just she was, whew.

511. Oh! Well, good.

512. Uh, I mean..

513. There's a letter you missed last night.

514. Oh!

515. - What is it? - An event at the regent hotel.

516. Uh, "Ladies', Overseas Aid."

517. Oh. Oh, they're a a very worthy charity.

518. Never heard of them.

519. Oh, no, no, no, no. They're really, uh.

520. No, it's really a good charity.

521. I, I-I have heard of them.

522. You should do it.

523. I gotta prioritize and besides

524. I think I should really spend my time

525. in much more important things.

526. Um, but, I'm, I'm telling you that this is

527. no, this is really important

528. and see, then Superman would feel all the good

529. and you'd be able to bring that home.

530. I know he does

531. Um, but I just I'm your wife.

532. I think you should take it.

533. I-I just think you should.

534. Honey, why..

535. Okay!

536. Her? That's Superman's girlfriend? Peggy?

537. Uh, Penny, sir. And yes.

538. Absolutely. I saw her with my own eyes.

539. Are you sure this is going to work?

540. It's a time honored tradition.

541. We hold his woman captive and threaten to kill her.

542. If he doesn't do our bidding.

543. Yes, but it won't come to that, Peters.

544. When Superman sees what we're about, world peace

545. for right-thinking people

546. he'll gladly help us.

547. He'll fly directly to that satellite

548. and install the pulse converter for us.

549. Perhaps, sir.

550. But just in case

551. we must be willing to make good on our threat.

552. Oh, of course.

553. Superman's girlfriend

554. working in my secretarial pool.

555. Who would have thought?

556. - Chief. - Hmm?

557. It's all arranged.

558. What is?

559. - Clark's surprise party. - Oh!

560. It's Saturday at the Regent hotel.

561. Just tell them at the front desk

562. that you're with the Ladies' Overseas Aid.

563. Okay.

564. (Clark) Right! Right. Okay, thank you very much.

565. Hey!

566. So your contact came through.

567. These are all the records of where every single piece

568. of Honey Braun industries ended up

569. after its liquidation

570. so somewhere in this mess

571. is the name of the person we're looking for.

572. Let's dig in.

573. Okay. Oh, also I called

574. the Ladies' Overseas Aid office to confirm.

575. You called them?

576. Yeah, but they didn't even know they'd asked..

577. Superman to speak.

578. Then it turns out that their function

579. isn't at the Regent. It's at the Civic Center.

580. - The Civic Center? - Mm-hmm.

581. - Saturday? - Yeah.

582. Where you going?

583. I've, uh... got to cancel something.

584. Penny? Hi, hi, it's me.

585. Uh, so, I was thinking Chinese tonight.

586. What do you think?

587. Great. Great. I know this terrific place.

588. Where?

589. Peking?

590. That's actually in China, right?

591. Yeah, uh... well, Penny, I was I was thinking

592. we should stick to Metropolis tonight.

593. Well, there's nothing I can do.

594. It's gonna be a couple minutes.

595. Too bad you can't tell 'em who you really are.

596. I bet we'd be seated right away.

597. Well, Penny, I made a solemn oath

598. to only use my powers for good, never for, uh..

599. dinner.

600. So, honey, what was it like

601. fighting that oil fire?

602. Oil fire?

603. Don't be so modest.

604. It was on the 6:00 news.

605. Oh! Oh, it, it was. God, uh... hot.

606. The desperate cries of doomed men.

607. It must be so painful at times.

608. Being you.

609. It is.

610. I hope that doesn't make me

611. less of a man in your eyes.

612. Are you kidding?

613. So that narrows it down to Lemco, Farber industries

614. MacNamn systems and Diticom technologies.

615. Okay, I'll take Farber and Lemco.

616. You take MacNamn and Diticom.

617. Hey, that's Jimmy.

618. That must be his Juliet of the week.

619. Uh, Lois.

620. Hi, Jimmy.

621. Uh, Hi. Lois.

622. Oh!

623. Lois Lane, Clark, This is Penny Barnebeedian.

624. Hello.

625. - Barnes. - What?

626. My name's not Barnebeedian. It's Barnes.

627. I lied about that.

628. Miss Lane, it's a pleasure.

629. Oh. Well, this is great.

630. We can all sit together.

631. Oh, actually, you know what? They're really full.

632. I bet we wouldn't be able to get—

633. Nonsense. I can get a table.

634. - Su Lee, four for dinner. - Miss Lane?

635. - Mm-hmm. - Great.

636. - Right this way. - Table's ready.

637. (Penny) Excuse me.

638. Lois, Lois.

639. She's adorable, don't you think?

640. A little weird, but cute.

641. Remember the other night

642. that lipstick stain on my... suit?

643. Yeah. You said some crazy woman.

644. Wo men yiao den gong bao jee ding

645. jie lan niow row

646. shre doe shia ren tsao yu pien.

647. Shien lie yi ge san shien gwo ba tong.

648. Twee jee.

649. Shie shie.

650. Isn't she somethin'?

651. Yeah. Something.

652. So, uh, Penny..

653. how did you meet, Jimmy?

654. I was interviewing him.

655. It was an assignment for her journalism class.

656. Oh, so you're a journalism major?

657. - No. - You're not?

658. No. It was all a lie.

659. Really? Well, you're nothing if not honest.

660. I just wanted to meet him.

661. Oh. Whoops. Ha!

662. Excuse me.

663. (Lois) Clark, I know you can hear me.

664. There's definitely something weird about this woman.

665. First she lies to Jimmy about being a college student

666. because she's supposedly so interested in him

667. but then we know that she's spending her nights

668. playing kissing bandit with local superheroes.

669. Ah, clumsy me.

670. So... go on. You were you were saying?

671. I was?

672. Oh, yes. You were telling us what it is that you do.

673. Oh, I'm a secretary.

674. - Really? Where? - Diticom technologies.

675. Whoops!

676. Uh, that's just... ridiculous.

677. I'm so... sorry.

678. You should see her with silverware.

679. It's not a pretty sight

680. so we'll just take it away.

681. (Lois) What did I tell you?

682. See, there is definitely something weird about her.

683. Now, how suspicious is this?

684. Last night, she lands a lip-lock on you

685. and now, she just happens to work

686. for one of the companies that

687. maybe resurrecting the annihilator.

688. Coincidence? I think not.

689. Excuse me. I just, one second.

690. Your friends are lovely.

691. Lois, come back to the table.

692. There is something very weird going on here.

693. No kidding.

694. Don't you think maybe, you're just overreacting

695. because this woman kissed me last night?

696. Well, I admit that, that bit does not endear her to me

697. but what about the Diticom connection?

698. (male #2) Superman, help!

699. What?

700. I gotta go.

701. Go where?

702. Found them.

703. Honey, uh, did you put money in the parking meter?

704. I-I better go check on that. Excuse me.

705. Oh, great, the office.

706. I wonder what the big emergency is this time.

707. Copier out of toner?

708. Well, I, I'll come with you.

709. No, no, you stay with Miss Lane.

710. I'll be back.

711. So what do you think?

712. I think I left the gas on at home.

713. Tell Clark I went to check on it.

714. - Kung pao chicken. - Spicy broccoli with snow peas.

715. 'Sauteed fillet fish.'

716. Oh. Mr. Grady.

717. Someone paged me?

718. What's going on?

719. Mr. Grady was thinking

720. seeing how you and Superman are so close

721. maybe, he could help us out.

722. So why don't you give Superman a call?

723. Set up a meeting.

724. (Penny) 'Get away from me!'

725. (Peters) 'Come here! That's it.'

726. 'Wait till he hears about this, Peters.'

727. 'I don't think he's gonna find out.'

728. - 'Get away!' - 'Now stop it!'

729. 'Stand still.'

730. 'Come back here!'

731. Lois Lane, intrepid reporter

732. 'And another close friend of Superman's.'

733. What do you know?

734. We have so much leverage now

735. I just don't see how Superman will be able to resist.

736. (Peters) 'Mr. Grady appreciates your help, Penny.'

737. Your assistance will be remembered

738. at, uh, holiday bonus time.

739. He made me do it, Miss Lane.

740. Go ahead, Penny.

741. 'Scream your guts out for your boyfriend.'

742. No one'll hear you now.

743. Penny, you said he made you do it.

744. Do what?

745. - He made me call Superman. - What?

746. - But I just got his machine. - Pardon me.

747. Oh, nothing. I'm sorry.

748. This is all my fault. Oh, God.

749. Penny, it's not the time to panic.

750. It'll be okay.

751. Now, what'd they want you to tell Superman?

752. To meet Mr. Grady on the roof

753. something about installing a pulse converter.

754. Okay.

755. Now is the time to panic.

756. (Penny on answering machine) 'Fly to the roof of the Diticom towers'

757. 'or you'll never see Lois or me again.'

758. Superman!

759. Superman!

760. Help!

761. Jimmy, what is it?

762. Superman, I did a terrible thing.

763. Well, I didn't actually do it, but I didn't undo it.

764. I sort of let this girl think that I was you.

765. - What? - It all happened so fast.

766. I was a 97% match, apparently. I just..

767. 'This girl is so pretty. I mean, she really likes me.'

768. Really, really likes me.

769. Well, actually, I guess she likes you.

770. But she thought I was you.

771. So, in a way, she likes me.

772. Anyway, I was afraid to tell her the truth.

773. I figured being plain old Jimmy Olsen

774. wasn't good enough for her.

775. You were a 97% match?

776. - Yeah. - Really?

777. Yeah.

778. Jimmy, listen.

779. Living someone else's life can be fun for a while

780. but eventually you have to live your own life.

781. Sure, Superman. I know—

782. If you and this girl are meant to be together

783. then that should be enough.

784. Right. I understand.

785. You don't understand. Wait.

786. It's gotten a little dicier.

787. I just checked my messages

788. and Penny's being held captive along with Lois.

789. What?

790. You're supposed to fly to the roof of Diticom towers

791. and wait for further instructions or else.

792. Superman, did you hear what I said?

793. Shh. Quiet.

794. I'm trying to listen.

795. Nothing.

796. She's not calling for me

797. or maybe she's not able to.

798. Or else maybe she's being held

799. somewhere where you couldn't hear her calling.

800. One, two, three.

801. - Good? - Yeah.

802. - Are you good? - Yeah.

803. Okay. Now, if we could just get to that..

804. soundproofing device

805. couple of healthy "help, Supermans.."

806. and we'll be home free.

807. Here's the rhythm.

808. Go.

809. - Good. - Yeah.

810. - We're there. - Alright.

811. - Here we go. - Okay.

812. - Got it. - Blue one.

813. - They changed it. - Oh.

814. - Wrong thing. - Yeah.

815. Alright, let me get it with my hands.

816. Oh..

817. - I got it. - Okay.

818. - I got it. - Okay.

819. Okay.

820. - Oh, boy. - Oh, that's not good.

821. - No, no. - Okay.

822. (Lois) 'Alright, backing up.'

823. (Penny) 'Oh, God. Not too fast!'

824. (Lois) 'Oh, sorry.'

825. - Oh, that's not good, either. - No, no, no.

826. - Alright. - Duck.

827. - I think duck. - Yes, duck. Duck!

828. When you called Superman, what number did you use?

829. (automated message) 'One... ignition.'

830. 'Lift-off.'

831. 'We have lift-off.'

832. (male #3) 'Quite an extraordinary sight.'

833. There it goes, my shuttle launch.

834. Where are they?

835. Evening, Superman.

836. I've been waiting for you.

837. If you'll just install my pulse converter

838. on its orbiting platform

839. 'you can kick back, take a little R and R'

840. fly off to Mazatlan with your girlfriend

841. get a little sun and leave running the planet to me

842. But once that shuttle reaches the platform

843. all deals are off.

844. I've instructed my man to do away

845. with Lois Lane and that girl

846. if it gets there before you do.

847. Even if the annihilator becomes operational

848. once Lois and Penny are safe

849. I'll just fly up there and rip it apart.

850. Not unless you've been outrunning

851. the speed of light lately.

852. I'll be monitoring.

853. 'If you even get near it'

854. pfft, vaporization of North America on your shoulders.

855. Locked.

856. I knew Superman would find us.

857. He did?

858. Superman, hon, over here!

859. Well, that's not..

860. You think Superman is Jimmy Olsen?

861. I know it's shocking, Miss Lane

862. seeing as you work with him every day

863. but yes, Jimmy Olsen is really the Man of Steel.

864. Girlfriend, we're not out of this yet.

865. Jimmy!

866. - Jimmy, help! - Jimmy!

867. Soundproofed.

868. (Penny) Alright, that's it, Jimmy.

869. Now get us out of here.

870. (Jimmy) 'The door's locked. I can't open it.'

871. - Jimmy! - There's..

872. Where's that remote?

873. I suggest you make a decision, Superman.

874. I already have.

875. Oh, God. I hope Superman doesn't hurt him too badly.

876. I can't watch.

877. Thank you, Superman.

878. We've just ushered in the future for, well, almost everyone.

879. Maybe, next time, West Virginia will take more time

880. coming up with an original name.

881. Hi.

882. Alright. That's enough.

883. Bye-bye, kid. It's been fun.

884. Superman, honey, I knew you'd come.

885. Wait a minute.

886. You aren't Superman?

887. I'm sorry, Penny.

888. I'm sorry I'm not what you thought I was.

889. But you lied to me.

890. 'What kind of a person are you?'

891. The things I told you, and, and you never..

892. You really are just some normal guy, aren't you?

893. Yeah.

894. Wait a minute.

895. He had a gun.

896. You could've been killed.

897. Well, that was one of the more interesting birthdays I've had.

898. I'm sorry, Clark.

899. I really tried to pull off a party for you.

900. That's okay. I like this better anyway.

901. - You sure? - Yeah. Just you and me.

902. Ha. Alone at last.

903. (in unison) 'Surprise!'

904. I figured the only way to throw a surprise party for you

905. was to surprise both of you.

906. So, did it work?

907. Are you surprised?

908. Well... yeah. Yeah.

909. Stunned.