1. All right. After autumn...
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2. Ask anyone around the area
about accuracy.
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3. Arctic activities
are abundant,
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4. astonishing, astounding and
A-1 on all accounts.
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5. - Back up...
- But before beach bodies,
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6. bros better bundle up
in boots,
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7. blankets, and balaclavas
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8. because a bloody,
bitter breeze
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9. will blow brisk,
blustery and bleak.
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10. - Careful...
- Correct and common to cocoon
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11. in a cap, coat and comforter,
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12. because a cutting cold
can consume your character,
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13. occasionally create a corpse
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14. and continually compress
your cock.
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15. - Don't...
- Don't you dare dawdle,
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16. dilly-dally, or dick around
after dark in December,
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17. she's definitely damn drafty
if you're down a duvet.
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18. - Easily...
- Each and every earthling's
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19. environmentally enslaved.
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20. - Fact...
- It's fucking freezing.
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21. It's friggin' frigid.
You're fit for flu in February
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22. without fleece, flannel,
full-fledged furnace, or fire.
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23. - Go on...
- It's goddamn glacial,
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24. go grab gloves or garb and
gear up for gusts.
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25. - Hear ya...
- Hypothermia,
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26. if you don't heat your home
to half hellish it's harsh.
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27. Hibernate in a hoodie,
hot chocolate,
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28. Harry and the Hendersons.
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29. - Infinitely icy...
- Inhabit indoors.
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30. Isolated and insulated.
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31. Incubate the igloo.
Illness is an issue.
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32. Influenzas implied.
Infections imminent.
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33. Immunity is impossible.
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34. - Just joking...
- Ah, just joshin' jargon.
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35. It ain't jail. Jackets in
January's no jigsaw.
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36. - Keep calm...
- Killjoys keep comfy
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37. in their kingdom,
crashing kilos of Kleenex,
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38. keen for cozy kayaking
with their kids
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39. when the key is killing kegs
with your kin.
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40. - Literally...
- Losers live life
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41. locked in their layers,
lingering lazy and lifeless,
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42. lost like legit loners,
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43. while the leaders in
larger learning let loose.
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44. Muff.
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45. Earmuffs, mittens and
mucus medicine,
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46. till mighty maniacal
Mother Nature makes
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47. milder, mellower,
and meltier moves.
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48. Motivate your mates, like the
Moose Marc Messier.
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49. Maybe mix a martini
for your maiden,
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50. - if you've met your match.
- Nature.
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51. Naturally nippy, but that's
nothin' new up north.
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52. Normal naturistic narrative.
Not national news.
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53. - Overcast.
- Overcoats and
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54. - overshoes, obviously.
- Polar.
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55. Parkas and pullovers,
particularily.
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56. - Tried quail?
- A quantity of quality quilts
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57. is quaint and
quasi-quintessential
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58. to avoid quivering
and quash quarrelling
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59. if quarantined to
one's quarters. Try quail.
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60. - Reindeer.
- Well, not raw rookie.
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61. In a rosemary-rubbed roast
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62. with radish,
wrapped in rich, rare bacon
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63. after removing
Rudolph's red nose.
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64. - Sleddin'.
- So, we're sound.
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65. Sled's a synonym
for snowmobiles.
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66. Snowmobile's a
synonym for sled.
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67. So, a sled is a snowmobile,
a snowmobile is a sled. Super?
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68. - Terrific.
- Trust a traditional
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69. turtleneck to maintain a
toasty temperature over time.
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70. - Ugly.
- Useful.
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71. - Vile.
- Valuable.
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72. - Whatever.
- Whiteouts and wind chills,
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73. walk it off, whiners.
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74. Withdraw whimpering and
wake up, wankers.
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75. Wrathful wicked weather.
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76. Wear woolens or
waterproof wardrobe.
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77. Warm your wet
workwear by the woodstove.
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78. Winter is wonderful,
wild and wide.
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79. - Exactly.
- Exceptionally.
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80. - Yup.
- Yeah.
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81. Zero... Degrees?
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82. Well, sub-zero.
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83. Aw, zip it.
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84. Guess those idiots won't be
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85. bothering us
anymore, nee-ya-wa.
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86. - How are you now?
- Please don't talk to me
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87. - like a fuckin' hick.
- Not so bad.
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88. Are you serious
with that fuckin' turtleneck?
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89. You lose a lot of heat
in the neck.
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90. I'm okay,
if that's what you're askin'.
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91. That's what I'm askin'.
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92. I wasn't ready to have a kid.
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93. Well, that is
your choice to make.
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94. You're goddamn right
it's my choice.
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95. - Sure, it is.
- I'm glad I took care of it.
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96. Well, that is your right.
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97. You're goddamn right
it's my right.
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98. I'm not even sure if it was
yours, but thank you.
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99. Thanks for the
smokes and Pepperettes.
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100. I'll see ya when I
see ya, boo...
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101. Over and out.
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102. You gots a cold there, Darys?
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103. Hmm, just a cough.
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104. Well, you knows
what they says...
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105. If you don't take care
of a cold,
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106. she'll stay for seven days.
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107. If you take care of it,
she'll be gone in a week.
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108. Yep. We can't promise summers
but we'll guarantees winters.
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109. You fuckin' serious
with that turtleneck?
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110. Yeah, you lose a lot of
heat in the neck.
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111. Jivin' Pete says he pulls a
pikes outta here yesterday.
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112. Heard Jivin's been hanging out
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113. with some degens
from up country.
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114. He's a decent guy, but
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115. ain't no way he pulled no
pike outta here yesterday.
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116. Says he pulled a pikes,
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117. a perch, a wallseyes and
a trout.
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118. Is that a brook trout?
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119. - No, it'd be lake trout.
- Why's that?
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120. 'Cause we're on
a fuckin' lake, Dary.
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121. I'm hungry.
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122. There's whitefish
in the cooler.
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123. Well, how the fuck
did that get there?
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124. I pulled outta here before
you's got here.
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125. - No, you never.
- Did too.
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126. - No, you never.
- Did too.
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127. No, you never. If you did
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128. you'd still be
talking about it.
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129. Oh yeah, well, where'd it
come from then?
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130. Well, you brought it
from home likely.
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131. Well, there's nothin's even to
cooks it on anyways.
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132. - You gonna let that stop you?
- What do you means?
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133. Haven't you ever
heard of sashimis?
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134. - Sashimis?
- Oh, I got time for sashimis.
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135. - What about sushi?
- Sushis.
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136. Oh, I got so much time
for sushis.
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137. Yeah, we should pull it out
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138. and hack it out and
down the hatch.
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139. Oh no,
I knows what it is, I just...
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140. I just don't think
you needs to put an "s"
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141. on the end to that word.
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142. Hey, Dary, you ever had
sushis with shrimps?
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143. Yeah.
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144. You ever had
sushis with unagis?
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145. - Yeah.
- That's eels.
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146. Oh, I know that's eels.
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147. I just... I'm pretty sure
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148. you don't needs an "s"
to pluralize those words.
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149. Hey, Dary, you ever had
sashimis with salmons?
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150. Oh, yeah. You ever had
sashimis with tunas?
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151. Yeah. With wasabis?
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152. Oh, yeah. Love wasabis.
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153. I like wasabis, too.
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154. If asks you politelys to
stop this, would you do it?
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155. Oh, you can have yellowfin
tunas, bluefin tunas.
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156. I think tunas make
the best sashimis.
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157. I thinks I'm having
a panics attack.
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158. Well, the Japanese call the
bluefin tunas maguro tunas,
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159. those are kind of like the
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160. default tunas
that they use in sushis.
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161. Yeah, but toro is a
more expensive tuna but
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162. it makes the best sashimis.
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163. Oh, it's way better
than salmons.
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164. Hey!
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165. When's... When's Katy's
gettin' back from the citys?
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166. Oh, she'll come back
when she's good and ready.
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167. She'll figure it out.
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168. I figure she'll be back
for sledding season.
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169. Oh, Katy loves sleddin'.
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170. It chap your ass at all that
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171. there's only one shack on the
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172. shed trail through
Letterkenny?
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173. Well, it doesn't chap my ass,
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174. but I guess there could be
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175. another stop along the
trail for a social.
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176. Yeah, like it doesn't
chap my ass either,
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177. but I'm just sayin' that
sleddin' and socials
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178. go together like
piss and a fart.
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179. Yeah.
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180. I guess there could be
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181. another stop along the trail
for a social.
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182. Could be another stop
along the trail for a dart.
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183. Well, it's a great spot
for a darty-party.
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184. So, we're gonna build
a new shack?
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185. I'm surprised we're not
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186. buildin' a new shack
right now.
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187. That's what I'm sayin'.
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188. I figure it's about time that
we stopped talkin' about it
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189. - and started bein' about it.
- Oh, we could just throw up
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190. the structure and get all the
materials paid off
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191. - sellin' two-dollar cans.
- Two-dollar socials.
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192. Yeah, we could sell
whitefish sashimis
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193. to help expedite the process.
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194. Oh, we could get
real stinky and
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195. sell perch and walleye sushis.
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196. Hey!
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197. Walleye...
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198. Perch...
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199. And whitefish...
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200. Are not...
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201. Sushi or...
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202. Sashimi grade.
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203. Well, yeah, I guess you'd
have to do pot
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204. to accomplish
that sort of appetite.
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205. Says you.
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206. - Pre-game sandos?
- Check, buddy.
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207. - Pre-game nappies?
- Check, bro.
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208. Don Cherry's Rock 'Em
Sock 'Em 6 for motivation?
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209. Don Cherry's Rock 'Em
Sock 'Em 6.
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210. Chel Tourney for
game situation visualization?
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211. Second Chel Tourney for
peak performance imagery.
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212. - Pre-game dump?
- No pre-game dump.
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213. Hmm. No pre-game cruncher.
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214. No pre-game deucer.
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215. Better go drop that bomb.
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216. Better go release the
chocolate hostage.
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217. Better bust a grumpy.
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218. Better go
call in a code brown.
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219. - Better go boost one.
- Eat. Sleep. Boost.
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220. - Caffeine.
- Check.
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221. - Creatine?
- Check.
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222. - Livin' the dream.
- Livin' the dream.
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223. Hold my spitter.
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224. Hold my spitter.
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225. All right,
how're we gonna fuck this pig?
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226. Well, you're gonna wanna
starts with dimensions.
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227. - What're you thinkin' there?
- 14-by-16.
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228. What, you wanna play
dodgeball in there, Dary?
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229. 14-by-16, well,
that's five me's,
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230. five you's and five Dary's.
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231. You wanna play three team
dodgeball in there, Dan?
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232. Call it 12-by-14.
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233. You wanna play fuckin'
dodgeball in there, Dary.
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234. 12-by-14.
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235. That's four me's,
four you's and four Dary's.
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236. You wanna play two-team
dodgeball with
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237. one sub each in there, Dan?
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238. How about 8-by-10?
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239. Well, I'd fuck with
8-by-10.
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240. No, you're not playin' no
dodgeball in no 8-by-10s.
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241. I never wanted to play no
dodgeball in no 8-by-10.
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242. Oh, I got so much time
for 8-by-10.
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243. 8-by-10,
that's three me's,
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244. three you's and two Dary's.
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245. - Comfortably?
- You're cozy.
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246. Plus some
wiggle room in there.
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247. Call it 8-by-10.
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248. Call it a Texas size 10-4,
good buddy.
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249. Show you how we're gonna
have the structure.
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250. What we're gonna do is put a
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251. space heater here,
mini fridge here.
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252. Gonna throw the
genny right out there.
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253. What about the
sushis and sashimis?
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254. - Hey!
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255. Hey!
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256. - Hey.
- How're ya now?
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257. - Good, and you?
- Not so bad.
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258. You fuckin' serious
with that turtleneck?
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259. Lose a lot a heat in the neck.
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260. You fuckin' serious
with that hair?
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261. - Figure it out.
- You figure it out.
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262. Where you's been?
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263. - Modeling.
- How's that for you?
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264. - Boring.
- Okay.
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265. There's no money in it.
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266. - Way she goes.
- A monkey could do it.
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267. - Good enough.
- Missed sleddin' season, too.
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268. I told you she'd miss
sleddin' season.
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269. I was the one who said
she'd figure it out.
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270. - You figure it out.
- You figure it out.
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271. Where's your shits?
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272. About that...
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273. These are...
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274. My friends.
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275. Well, what are your
friends named?
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276. Shep and Kingsley.
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277. - Those are dude's names?
- Yeah.
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278. They sound like dog names.
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279. I don't like
where this is goin'.
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280. We'll be in my room.
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281. Guys, hang up your coats.
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282. Where's your
fuckin' shirt, Shep?
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283. Where the fuck is
your shirt, Kingsley?
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284. - It ripped.
- It ripped?
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285. - Mine too.
- How?
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286. 'Cause I'm so fat.
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287. Me too, I'm so fat.
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288. I'm a bat fastard.
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289. - I'm a fat podger.
- Guys...
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290. Enough, let's go.
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291. If I was a Dr. Seuss book
I'd be The Fat in the Hat.
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292. If I was an arcade fighting
game I'd be Mortal Komfat.
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293. If I was one of the
five boroughs in New York City
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294. I'd be the Fatten Island.
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295. If I was an Italian city-state
I'd be the Fatican.
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296. Put a fuckin' shirt on!
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297. I don't know what happened
to you dusters,
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298. but, fuck me, do you fuck dog!
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299. Walkin' around poutin' like
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300. your little sister
took your last Oreo.
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301. And not a traditional Oreo,
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302. no, a limited edition Oreo,
or seasonal Oreo
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303. they're gonna take off
the shelf for another year.
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304. Hey, Barts,
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305. did little Natiesha take
your last Halloween Oreo?
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306. You didn't get a chance to say
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307. goodbye to that
delicious orange frosting?
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308. What about you, Yorkie? Huh?
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309. Did little Tamsyn take your
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310. last Reese's
Peanut Butter Cup Oreo?
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311. Well, it gets worse.
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312. Those have been
discontinued forever.
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313. What about you, Scholtzy, huh?
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314. Did little Tay'Rhonda
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315. take your last Ice Cream
Oreo Orange Sherbet?
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316. That is a summertime flavor.
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317. Good luck suckin' back on
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318. one of those in the
next six months.
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319. Fisky, I know.
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320. You're a Birthday
Cream Fudge guy.
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321. They're all gone. What?
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322. Little DeSondra
was the culprit.
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323. And her pal LarawnShawn
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324. took the last Heads or
Tails Mega Stuff, too!
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325. Hey, Boomtown.
You're an only child.
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326. You got your
Daytona Oreos?
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327. It's fucking embarrassing!
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328. Let me give you some
advice, donkeys.
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329. Take a page out of
Jonesy and Reilly's book.
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330. My boys, I skipped curfew call
for you last night 'cause
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331. I knew you'd be doin' legs,
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332. and I didn't want
to interrupt.
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333. We've been doin' legs
two-a-days since
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334. the first week
of summer, Coach.
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335. Blocked every wheelchair ramp
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336. in the arena so
we'd have to do stairs.
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337. Tenacity.
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338. You can't teach that.
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339. You know, I never thought
those pheasants
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340. would fuck the dog so hard
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341. that you two would become
my studs!
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342. - Thanks, Coach.
- Thanks, Coach.
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343. Well, I need one win.
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344. One W.
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345. What are you gonna do
to get me that?
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346. - Selfish hockey.
- Selfish hockey.
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347. That's right. Selfish hockey!
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348. Break it down.
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349. Skate the puck. Don't pass it.
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350. Head man's still gonna be
there when you catch up.
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351. Take it coast-to-coast.
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352. Shots from poor angles
are still shots.
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353. Buck and a half,
two-minute shifts,
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354. three minutes even.
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355. Cruise the blue line
to catch your breath.
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356. Bad bounce,
that's a good breakaway.
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357. - Gotta get the bounces, boys.
- Perfect.
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358. And a retaliation penalty
never hurt anyone.
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359. What's our mantra?
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360. They don't ask how,
they ask how many.
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361. That's right.
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362. What did I tell you
about stick tape?
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363. You don't need it!
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364. The only people that'll be
worrying about puck handling
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365. are Jonesy and Reilly!
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366. Save it for them! Huh?
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367. W!
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368. Well, let's fuck this pig.
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369. Structure goes here.
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370. Sled parking here.
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371. Pretty good spot
for pissin' over there.
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372. Pissin' outside's for
dogs and degens.
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373. I piss outside
as much as the dog does.
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374. Well, I'm not above it either.
I'm just sayin'.
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375. Fuck, we could really use some
kind of bar in this town, eh?
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376. - Katy.
- Big brother.
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377. - How're ya now?
- Good and you?
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378. - Not so bad.
- My friends need
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379. to borrow clothes.
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380. Give 'em barn clothes.
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381. I won't have barn clothes
in the house. They stink.
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382. Guess you have to
put your friends
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383. in the fuckin' barn then.
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384. They don't have any clothes
of their own.
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385. - Okay.
- They don't have any money.
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386. - Way she goes.
- Models are always broke.
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387. - Good enough.
- You have a baker's dozen
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388. plaid shirts.
They only need two.
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389. Give them the hand-me-downs
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390. I got from
Dan's second cousin.
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391. - Who, Garrett?
- No, Jarrett.
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392. - 10-4.
- Over and out.
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393. These are the
only ones that fit.
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394. - 'Cause we're too podgey.
- Ugh, don't start.
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395. If I was a major league
baseball team
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396. I'd be the L.A. Podgers.
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397. If I was a major league
baseball pitcher
Copy !req
398. I'd be Podger Clemens.
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399. If I was a pick-up truck
I'd be a Podge Ram.
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400. If I was a disguising
clothing pattern made for
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401. hunting and combat
I'd be camou-podge.
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402. No, better without the shirts.
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403. Okay. Now, go shut
both doors and lock them.
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404. Roald.
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405. You'll need to repeat that.
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406. - He's gone.
- He's gone?
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407. Along with all his stuff.
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408. Devon is gone.
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409. - Roald.
- Dude.
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410. Hysterics are fruitless.
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411. Stewart...
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412. Tears are useless.
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413. Stewart...
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414. Pain is inevitable.
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415. Where?
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416. Why?
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417. W motherfucking five!
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418. I don't know.
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419. He had everything here.
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420. Hours upon hours of
ultra-competitive gaming
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421. laced with hip-hop karaoke.
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422. Add a dash of
late-night loitering
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423. and a splash of
petty vandalism.
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424. And what have you got?
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425. Stewart...
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426. Utopia, Arcadia,
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427. Kingdom come!
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428. Devon hated petty vandalism.
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429. He called it two-bit.
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430. Shabby. Shoestring.
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431. Mmm, hence the term,
"petty," Roald.
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432. Don't be redundant.
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433. But you're right,
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434. he did hate that.
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435. This was his.
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436. Verify.
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437. Yeah.
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438. Yes.
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439. You got it the summer before
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440. grade six at a
Sidewalk Sale Day.
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441. Went halfsies on it.
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442. Veracious. And this?
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443. - Roald, substantiate!
- Yes.
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444. You stole it from his grandma
so you could game
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445. Ecco the Dolphin on Sega CD
in grade three.
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446. Irrefutable.
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447. Well, I guess he didn't take
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448. all of his stuff, now, did he?
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449. Fuck me, that was refreshing.
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450. Incoming!
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451. Stink bombs?
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452. Devon.
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453. Fuck, she looks friendly
as a couch, ain't she, boys?
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454. Went up faster than shit
through a goose, too.
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455. - Lickety-split.
- Real nice of Tyson and
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456. Joint Boys to help us out.
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457. More hands make less work.
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458. Welp...
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459. Fire up the genny, Gary.
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460. Now test out the
motion sensor, Dan.
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461. - Boss, man...
- I appreciates this.
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462. Aw, it's tits.
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463. - Well, there's one step left.
- Yeah!
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464. - Christen it?
- Should we christen it?
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465. Well, are we
gonna christen it?
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466. Should we christen it?
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467. I feel like we should be
christening it.
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468. Well, I'm surprised we're not
christening it right now.
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469. - Gordie Howe hat trick, ferda.
- Game puck goes to Gordie.
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470. Yeah. I had 18 shots
on net, boys.
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471. Ovechkin numbers.
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472. Played no less than
38 minutes.
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473. Duncan Keith numbers.
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474. But, uh, 9-4 ferda.
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475. Ferda other team.
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476. You know, it's sick,
unreal stats.
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477. But, uh...
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478. Be nice to have
a couple of W's, too.
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479. Be nice to have "a" W.
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480. Players only meeting?
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481. Yeah. Coach is right,
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482. I mean, no W's on the season
that's just...
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483. - Fucking embarrassing!
- Coach.
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484. Players only meeting.
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485. Oh. Well, that's embarrassing.
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486. Jesus.
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487. All right you pheasants,
what's the problem?
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488. Spill it, pheasys.
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489. My wife left me,
you little bitch!
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490. Feels like someone ran
a coarse glove hustle
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491. on my love muscle. Yorkie?
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492. Same, Barts.
Feels like someone
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493. fork-gored my
pork sword. Scholtzy?
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494. She's gone.
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495. Feels like someone took
a big snackers on
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496. my little knackers.
Pussy. Fisky.
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497. Out the door.
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498. Feels like someone slammed
a super soccer kick into my
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499. Ron-Donny long schlong.
Boomtown!
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500. I'm an only child,
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501. as Coach previously and
pitilessly pointed out.
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502. I'd kill for a little
Natiesha, Tamsyn, Tay'Rhonda,
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503. DeSondra,
LarawnShawn, in my life.
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504. But someone did steal my last
Daytona Oreo!
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505. That wasn't funny!
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506. But, you all love your wives.
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507. - What happened, boys?
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508. Angie?
- Boys.
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509. Unreal game.
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510. Who wants to
take me out for a sando?
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511. I'll let you work it out.
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512. Angie?
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513. That's my girl,
you little bitch.
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514. She makes me want to rub
slick on my disco stick.
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515. Yorkie?
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516. Correction, Barts. She's mine.
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517. She makes me wanna go
Warcraft
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518. all over my man shaft.
Scholtzy.
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519. Mine.
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520. She makes me wanna take a
low fiver to my deep-V diver.
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521. Pussy. Fisky?
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522. Uh-uh. She's mine.
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523. She makes me wanna take a
fresh fruit to my flesh flute.
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524. Boomtown!
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525. You all have sisters.
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526. I hope you're kind to them.
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527. I hope you cherish them.
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528. This one's mine!
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529. This is bad, buddy.
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530. This is really bad, buddy.
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531. I think we've got...
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532. A puck bunny.
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533. It looks darker
out here
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534. than the inside of
a fuel tank.
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535. Head towards
the sensor light, Dan.
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536. I don't appreciates this.
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537. Well, how we
gonna fuck this pig?
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538. We find who did it.
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539. And we beat the
shit out of them.
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