1. You heard a couple
nut sacks talkin' about
hockey the other day...Copy !req
2. This kid.
Kid is a fuckin' stud.Copy !req
3. Kid's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this kid.Copy !req
4. Fuckin' love this kid.Copy !req
5. Kid lights lamp.
Hashtag lamp life.Copy !req
6. Eat, sleep, lamp.Copy !req
7. Don't give him too much space,
buddy. He'll dangle.Copy !req
8. He'll dangle all the fuckin'
way to outer space.Copy !req
9. Suck some Martian
titties up there, boys.Copy !req
10. Just getting super sloppy
all over our space dinks.Copy !req
11. Silky mittens, top
tittens. Ferda boys.Copy !req
12. Ferda!Copy !req
13. Ferda!Copy !req
14. Big roadie to the big city
this weekend, Schmelt.Copy !req
15. Do you know
what that means?Copy !req
16. Um...Copy !req
17. Suckin' city titty, idiot.Copy !req
18. Suckin' all that
big city titty, idiot.Copy !req
19. All up that big
city slam piece.Copy !req
20. Big city slams, idiot.Copy !req
21. Big city billet moms.
Big city billet sisters.Copy !req
22. Let's get our dinks
sucked on, boys.Copy !req
23. Yes.Copy !req
24. Hey, how's school going,
Schmelt?Copy !req
25. It's going...
Just kidding.
We don't give a fuck.Copy !req
26. Get our pops, Schmelt.Copy !req
27. Big city slams, Schmelt.Copy !req
28. How are ya now?
Not so bad.Copy !req
29. Good and you?Copy !req
30. Not too bad.Copy !req
31. Have you shit yourself?
You look like you've got
an awkward boner.Copy !req
32. Don't.
Don't what?Copy !req
33. Dan?Copy !req
34. Did you know that Daryl used
to get boners every morningCopy !req
35. in grade nine during
O Canada?Copy !req
36. No shit.Copy !req
37. Yep. JustCopy !req
38. could not get through O Canada
without getting a boner.Copy !req
39. Give a young man 30
idle seconds and he's
gonna get a boner.Copy !req
40. We talked about this.Copy !req
41. Is there something you
want to talk about now?Copy !req
42. Well, pitter patter,
let's get at 'er.Copy !req
43. Well, I was wondering
if this year we could
skip the birthday party?Copy !req
44. Skip your super soft birthday
party? Are you fuckin' high?Copy !req
45. Hard no.Copy !req
46. Daryl's super
soft birthday party?Copy !req
47. Every year, Daryl's mom used
to throw him these birthday
parties when he was a kid.Copy !req
48. Softest birthday party
on planet Earth.Copy !req
49. Boy band karaoke, cupcake
decoration station,Copy !req
50. charcuterie.Copy !req
51. One year, his mom had him
a "Make the world a
better place" party.Copy !req
52. One year they dressed
a horse up like a unicornCopy !req
53. and he was never really
the same after that.Copy !req
54. It's not funny.Copy !req
55. I used to take a lot of
teasing in school for those.Copy !req
56. Aw, should I get
you a tissue, Sally?Copy !req
57. No, he'll have
one in his purse.Copy !req
58. Or maybe his clutch.Copy !req
59. Party's happening, Daryl.
You don't fuck with tradition.Copy !req
60. So. The agenda.Copy !req
61. After your dust up over
the weekend, safe to assume
you're fighting again?Copy !req
62. Co-rect.
Ten-four, good buddy.Copy !req
63. Well, it's gonna be a busy
week 'cause there's a few
guys walking around townCopy !req
64. claiming to be
the toughest guys
in Letterkenny.Copy !req
65. I'm the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.Copy !req
66. You were the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.
It's been some time.Copy !req
67. Now, it's safe to assume that
that title is as important to
you now as it was then?Copy !req
68. Does a duck with a
boner drag weeds?Copy !req
69. Ten-four, good buddy!Copy !req
70. Then it's safe to assume
that the challengers will
be coming up around the farm,Copy !req
71. as that is how you've
conducted business
in the past.Copy !req
72. Well, I was never
one for an audience.Copy !req
73. All right, let's talk
about the challengers.Copy !req
74. First up,
we've got Sled Ted.Copy !req
75. Why's he called Sled Ted?Copy !req
76. Well, he likes fixin' sleds,
and ridin' sleds,Copy !req
77. and talkin' about sleds.Copy !req
78. He just really
likes sleddin', boys.Copy !req
79. Uh, he beat up a
guy named Basic Jay.Copy !req
80. Why's he called Basic Jay?Copy !req
81. 'Cause he's a fuckin' basic.Copy !req
82. And now he thinks
he's the toughest guy
in Letterkenny.Copy !req
83. After that,
we got Rat Ass.Copy !req
84. Why's he called Rat Ass?Copy !req
85. 'Cause he's got a
hairy ass like a rat.Copy !req
86. Can confirm.Copy !req
87. He beat up a guy
named Brains.Copy !req
88. See, his name's Brian
but he spelt it BrainCopy !req
89. in the computer at bowling
one time. It just kinda stuck.Copy !req
90. Now he thinks he's the
toughest guy in Letterkenny.Copy !req
91. And after that,
we got Joint Boy.Copy !req
92. Because he smokes
lots of joints, Dairy.Copy !req
93. Well, just plucking
the low hanging fruit
is what that is.Copy !req
94. I've seen that guy take
on four bouncers at
the rippers one time.Copy !req
95. He is otherworldly.Copy !req
96. Got a dome on him like
an Easter Island statue.Copy !req
97. Is he single?Copy !req
98. Not that it matters,
I guess.Copy !req
99. Look, keep it at the
end of the lane way.
No degens on the property.Copy !req
100. That's a Texas size 10-4.
Over and out.Copy !req
101. Well, this is annoying.Copy !req
102. The fuck are they
doin' out there?
They're scared of you.Copy !req
103. This snipe is
a fuckin' sniper.Copy !req
104. Snipe's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this snipe.Copy !req
105. Fuckin' love this snipe.
We're snipe selling, boys.Copy !req
106. Dirty fucking
dangles, boys.Copy !req
107. You're a sniper.
You're a snipe.Copy !req
108. You're a skirt,
you pansy.Copy !req
109. If you make me walk up
the lane way again,
we're having babies.Copy !req
110. Put it out! Put it
out! Put it out!
Fuck!Copy !req
111. Fuck!Copy !req
112. Those boys need
to give their
balls a tug.Copy !req
113. Maybe, check, make
sure they're still
attached right quick.Copy !req
114. I'd rather put a mirror down
there and see what's what.Copy !req
115. One time,
my cousin...Copy !req
116. He tore open his
ball sack trying to
do a skateboard trickCopy !req
117. and he had to show
it to his mum.Copy !req
118. Was it his scrotal sack?Copy !req
119. Well, you know. That dangly
piece of flesh, what hangs
down behind the penis.Copy !req
120. Scrotal sack.
The nut sack.Copy !req
121. So, he tore his ball
sack open trying to do
a skateboard trickCopy !req
122. and he's gots to show it to
his mum because apparently one
of his testicles was showing.Copy !req
123. Was it the right one
or the left one?Copy !req
124. Why is that
of importance?Copy !req
125. Well, because the left
one has more sperm in it.Copy !req
126. Spermatozoa is
what it's called.Copy !req
127. Tell you what, if I ripped
open my ball sack trying to
do a skateboard trick,Copy !req
128. I'd be more worried about
seeing my vas deferens.Copy !req
129. Well, you'd have to tear your
ball sack pretty near wide
open doing a skateboard trickCopy !req
130. if you wanted to see
your own vas deferens.Copy !req
131. I'm not sure I wanna
see my own vas deferensCopy !req
132. I think if I saw my
own vas deferens,Copy !req
133. I'd be quite worried.Copy !req
134. I'd be most worried if I tore
my ball sack open trying to do
a skateboard trickCopy !req
135. if I could see my
accessory glands.Copy !req
136. Well, you don't want to go
too kooky with accessories
on your truck.Copy !req
137. Or your jeep. It's okay
with like, a quad, though,Copy !req
138. like my buddy Big T's got
a snorkel kit on his and
that's pretty punk rock.Copy !req
139. What's an
accessory gland?Copy !req
140. Well, if your vas deferens
is your sperm ducts,Copy !req
141. the accessory glands is
what supplies lubricant
to the sperm duct.Copy !req
142. I think if I ripped open
my ball sack trying to do
a skateboard trick,Copy !req
143. I'd be most worried about
seeing my seminal vesicles.Copy !req
144. Oh, like the Florida
State seminal vesicles?Copy !req
145. Like the sack that hangs
behind your vas deferensCopy !req
146. and contains fructoseCopy !req
147. which is energy
for the sperm.Copy !req
148. Yeah, it's like when you
go in the city there and
they got them charge stationsCopy !req
149. for the people that
drive the electric cars.Copy !req
150. That's pretty much
your seminal vesticles.Copy !req
151. I thought it was pretty
funny when I saidCopy !req
152. Florida State seminal vesicles
and nobody laughed.Copy !req
153. Hello.Copy !req
154. Okay.Copy !req
155. End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.Copy !req
156. Good.Copy !req
157. Sled Ted's here.Copy !req
158. Geez, Basic Jay must
have been a shit fighter
to lose to that ass-hat.Copy !req
159. I've known Basic Jay
to be a pretty tough dude.Copy !req
160. He's not really
a fuckin' basic.Copy !req
161. Guess he could
have had a cold.Copy !req
162. Or the flu.Copy !req
163. Sled Ted had Bigfoot hands.Copy !req
164. Yeah, he's a big grimy brute.Copy !req
165. Shit fighter, though.Copy !req
166. Do you guys remember
the fragrance Brut?Copy !req
167. Or Actif Brut?Copy !req
168. Yeah.
Yeah, they still
make that.Copy !req
169. I always enjoyed
that fragrance.Copy !req
170. You can use it to
dry up zits too.Copy !req
171. Did you know you can use
shaving cream to get permanent
marker off your hands?Copy !req
172. Why wouldn't you
just dip your hands
in the parts cleaner?Copy !req
173. Well, most people don't
have a parts cleaner.Copy !req
174. Well, most likely Rat Ass
will be your next dude.Copy !req
175. I hear that he is a greaser.Copy !req
176. Can confirm.Copy !req
177. So fuckin' greasy
I almost don't want to.Copy !req
178. I saw him with his shirt off,
swimming at the gravel pit
not that long ago.Copy !req
179. His back acne
was extraordinary.Copy !req
180. Well, like,
extraordinary how?Copy !req
181. Well, like, I thought
about it for a while
after is all.Copy !req
182. Well, elaborate,
'cause I'm likely
gonna have to touch it.Copy !req
183. Well, like how
it was cultivated.Copy !req
184. Well, by not
showering likely.Copy !req
185. Likely.Copy !req
186. Did you know that men
can wear the fragrance
CK ONE as well as women?Copy !req
187. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
188. That's 'cause it's
an unisex fragrance.Copy !req
189. It says that right
on the bottle.Copy !req
190. But would ya?
Oh, negative.Copy !req
191. Me neither.Copy !req
192. Would you wear
Gap Dream?Copy !req
193. No!Copy !req
194. No, no, Dairy,
that's for girls.Copy !req
195. Dairy, that's for girls.Copy !req
196. You can't walk around
smelling like pretty girls.Copy !req
197. You're not wearing
it right now, are you?Copy !req
198. Cologne is too expensive.
I just use sunscreen.
Banana Boat.Copy !req
199. Let's get into some of those
fuckin' all dressed chips.Copy !req
200. Jesus, Katy,
put some fuckin' clothes on.Copy !req
201. Not my forte.
Unfortunate.Copy !req
202. Hey, neighbor said
he's not gonna give
us a horse this year.Copy !req
203. What?Copy !req
204. Well, he said that last year
we returned him and his
breath smelled like alcohol.Copy !req
205. Well, it was probably mine.
You could have lit my breath
on fire the next day.Copy !req
206. Horse was
half cut though.Copy !req
207. He said that he's gonna
give us a donkey.
Nope.Copy !req
208. Might be funny.Copy !req
209. Gotta be a horse.
You don't fuck
with tradition.Copy !req
210. You're really gonna pump
the brakes on a donkey
dressed up like a unicorn?Copy !req
211. Oh, I'm stompin'
the brakes.Copy !req
212. You put that idea
right through the
fuckin' windshield.Copy !req
213. But it's a donkey dressed
up like a unicorn.
Katy!Copy !req
214. Well, it's better than
a kick in the pants.Copy !req
215. Do you want this to
be the softest birthday
party ever or not?Copy !req
216. I want this just
as much as you do.Copy !req
217. Well, then find
us a horse.Copy !req
218. Please and thank you.
And don't stay out in the
sun too long.Copy !req
219. Your skin will
look like an old saddle bag.Copy !req
220. Yeah.Copy !req
221. Hello.Copy !req
222. Okay.Copy !req
223. End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.Copy !req
224. Good.Copy !req
225. Rat Ass is here.Copy !req
226. Keep it standing.Copy !req
227. This goes to the
ground, we stand up.Copy !req
228. Okay.Copy !req
229. This goes to a clinch,Copy !req
230. we separate.Copy !req
231. Great. Let's go!Copy !req
232. All right.
So, hit me.Copy !req
233. Fight him or
shut the fuck up.Copy !req
234. I'll give you
a free one.Copy !req
235. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
236. Let's fuckin' do this.Copy !req
237. Just fuckin'
square off.Copy !req
238. Hey! He's pulling hair,
he's pulling hair.Copy !req
239. Break 'em up, break 'em up.Copy !req
240. Come on, come on!Copy !req
241. I'm gonna clock
this shitty wolverine.Copy !req
242. Hit me. Come on. I love pain.Copy !req
243. Look at the
execution, boys.
Look at the hustle, boys.Copy !req
244. Ding.Copy !req
245. You guys made
the liquor run,
right?Copy !req
246. I was Donny
Drives the car.
I was Nicki Navigates.Copy !req
247. But, uh...Copy !req
248. We couldn't find a lot
of the stuff on the list.Copy !req
249. Yeah.
Like what?Copy !req
250. Uh, well...Copy !req
251. Uh, there's
ingredientsCopy !req
252. that I don't think you can
get in Letterkenny.
Yeah.Copy !req
253. So, go to the city.Copy !req
254. Yeah, but we got practice
in a couple of hours.Copy !req
255. We're gonna crush a couple
sandos before, too.Copy !req
256. Grab some
nappies, maybe?Copy !req
257. We haven't had our
pre-game naps either.Copy !req
258. Nappies are nappies. Ferda.
Ferda.Copy !req
259. Well, we need
everything on the list.Copy !req
260. So, what drinks do you
need ingredients for?Copy !req
261. Uh,Copy !req
262. Corebelo Love Potion.Copy !req
263. Uh, Purple Passion Punch.Copy !req
264. Lemon Gingerini.Copy !req
265. Apricot Toblerone Cocktail.Copy !req
266. Couldn't find
a Flirtini.Copy !req
267. Couldn't find Sparkling
Mango Sorbet Float.Copy !req
268. Don't...
Don't know really
what that is.Copy !req
269. Well, that's all of them.Copy !req
270. Ye... Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
271. Look, I have about a million
things to do if this isCopy !req
272. gonna be the softest
birthday party ever.Copy !req
273. If you guys don't get me
everything on the list,Copy !req
274. you'll be pulling each
other's horns from now on.Copy !req
275. Pitter patter!Copy !req
276. So far!Copy !req
277. Fuck, was he a beaker.Copy !req
278. Like, he would not
stop beaking.Copy !req
279. That shit
is the worst.Copy !req
280. That was right to stick to
the task at hand, pal.Copy !req
281. Keep your trap shut.
Throw bombs.Copy !req
282. I wouldn't say shit
if my mouth was
full of it.Copy !req
283. I haven't seen that many
hits since Good Charlotte
played Warped Tour.Copy !req
284. Yeah, more like...Copy !req
285. Not very Good Charlotte.Copy !req
286. I always liked NOFX.Copy !req
287. YESFX.Copy !req
288. Big fuckin' day, Dairy.
Big fuckin' day!Copy !req
289. Big fuckin' day!
Ow.Copy !req
290. Happy birthday, it's your
special day Dairy.
Birthday beats!
Birthday beats!Copy !req
291. Ow. Oh, that's
not polite, Katy.Copy !req
292. You really are a Sally.Copy !req
293. That's the most action I've
seen since I gave the dairy
cows' teats a good scrubbin'.Copy !req
294. I don't need
to know that.Copy !req
295. You're pretty good at
wrestling there, Katy,Copy !req
296. and that's what
I appreciates about you.Copy !req
297. Is that what you
appreciate about me?Copy !req
298. Let's go easy over there,
squirrelly Dan.Copy !req
299. Yeah. Oh, hey,
look at you, ground.Copy !req
300. So, tell me about
this guy, Joint Boy.Copy !req
301. Well, I'm not gonna
sugar coats it for you, Wayne.Copy !req
302. This guy looks like an
Australian rugbies player,
chiseled out of stones.Copy !req
303. Uh-oh.
Got legs on him
like tree trunks.Copy !req
304. Is that a deciduous tree
or a coniferous tree?Copy !req
305. What?
Well, there's a difference.Copy !req
306. If we're talking about,
like, a maple tree,Copy !req
307. which is thick
and deciduousCopy !req
308. or a Christmas tree, which
is thin and coniferous.Copy !req
309. Yeah, but both is hards
and mades of woods, right?Copy !req
310. There's a difference
is all I'm saying.Copy !req
311. What type of tree
is a coconut tree?Copy !req
312. It's a palm tree.Copy !req
313. How do you know?Copy !req
314. Well, like the Internet.
Oh.Copy !req
315. Anyways, backs to Joint Boy.Copy !req
316. How come I've never
heard of him before?Copy !req
317. Oh, he just gots out of jail.Copy !req
318. He was arrested for assaults
after he beats the shitsCopy !req
319. out of a guy for
pushin' up on his sister.Copy !req
320. Got this big
entourage of guys,Copy !req
321. bald-headed, bearded dudes
what looks like a whole
bunch of surly uncles.Copy !req
322. You think we should
call The Ginger?Copy !req
323. Mmm.Copy !req
324. No.Copy !req
325. Why not?
He's tougher than hell.Copy !req
326. Yeah, but...Copy !req
327. Well, like you heard he
fucked an ostrich, right?Copy !req
328. He what?Copy !req
329. He fucked an ostrich.Copy !req
330. Allegedly.Copy !req
331. How does a fella get caught
up in that sort of business?Copy !req
332. Well, I guess his cousinCopy !req
333. had an ostrich farmCopy !req
334. when he thought it
might be fun to fuck one.Copy !req
335. Allegedly.Copy !req
336. So, he got hardCopy !req
337. somehowCopy !req
338. and he fucked an ostrich.Copy !req
339. That's fucked.Copy !req
340. That's a felony.Copy !req
341. So, we use him in
emergencies only, then.Copy !req
342. I should say.Copy !req
343. Dairy. Hey, Dairy.Copy !req
344. This one's for you.Copy !req
345. Oh.Copy !req
346. Hey, Joint Boy's here.Copy !req
347. Which one of youse is Wayne?Copy !req
348. We got some business.Copy !req
349. You're interrupting a party
for my best palCopy !req
350. that my little sister worked
pretty hard to put on.Copy !req
351. Hold it.Copy !req
352. May I sort this out
now, please?Copy !req
353. Goddamn right you may.Copy !req
354. Thank you.Copy !req
355. Don't lose.Copy !req
356. You had yourself a scrap
the other weekend at Modean's.Copy !req
357. What's it to ya?Copy !req
358. You left the dude
pretty banged up.Copy !req
359. I heard he kicked a slow
learning fella in the bum
while he was havin' a piss.Copy !req
360. Now, that slow learning
fella is my second cousin.Copy !req
361. Okay.Copy !req
362. Being the toughest
guy in Letterkenny is
important to me.Copy !req
363. I'm sure it is
to you tooCopy !req
364. but we're all hicks here.Copy !req
365. And you've done me a favor,
so I'd be willing to shake
your hand and call it a day.Copy !req
366. I didn't do you no favors.Copy !req
367. 'Cause I don't know
who the fuck you are.Copy !req
368. We done talking?Copy !req
369. You wanna come to a
super soft birthday party?Copy !req
370. Happy birthday,
Dairy.Copy !req
371. It's really more
for them, ain't it?Copy !req
372. What is?Copy !req
373. All this.Copy !req
374. No, it's not.
It's cream cheese.
No.Copy !req
375. That's cream cheese.Copy !req
376. No.
Yeah, that's
cream cheese.Copy !req
377. Just go...Copy !req
378. Jesus!Copy !req
379. You remember they
weren't allowed to have
birthday parties growing up.Copy !req
380. They had to go
bucky at mine.Copy !req
381. All they do is go
alls out, don'ts they?Copy !req
382. That's
a Texas size 10-4.Copy !req
383. You know, if Joint Boy
and his pals hadn't
showed up,Copy !req
384. I figure this would have been
the softest birthday ever.Copy !req
385. That's a small victory
for you, I suppose.Copy !req
386. I was worried.Copy !req
387. Thought I might have to get
Stewart and the Skids to come
over here and startCopy !req
388. hoovering up that
white powder of theirs.Copy !req
389. Anything for a little
bit of an edge, am I right?Copy !req
390. The white stuff.Copy !req
391. The snooter.Copy !req
392. The devil's dandruff.Copy !req
393. The dander.Copy !req
394. I... I hoovered
up a bit of the
schneef in my day.Copy !req
395. You ever hoovered
barnyard schneef?Copy !req
396. I've hoovered behind the
manure pile schneef.Copy !req
397. You ever hoovered schneef
off a sleeping cow's spine?Copy !req
398. I've hoovered schneef off
of an awake cow's teat.Copy !req
399. What are the odds that
I ride him home bareback?Copy !req
400. Gonna hurt
your balls, bro.Copy !req
401. Good going.Copy !req
402. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
403. You ever hoovered
library schneef?Copy !req
404. I've hoovered schneef
off of the cover ofCopy !req
405. Gordon Korman's
This Can't Be Happening
at Macdonald Hall.Copy !req
406. You wanna come
home with me?Copy !req
407. You can sleep
in my bed.Copy !req
408. He'd break it.
He'd break your bed.Copy !req
409. His dick alone
would break your bed.Copy !req
410. I saw that too.
I... Yeah.Copy !req
411. It was really big.Copy !req
412. You ever hoovered
Sunday school schneef?Copy !req
413. I've hoovered schneef
off the collection plate
in the rectory.Copy !req
414. Do you know what
dick dingers are?Copy !req
415. Yep.Copy !req
416. You know that movieCopy !req
417. with the guy who
whispers to horses.Copy !req
418. Brokeback Mountain?Copy !req
419. No.
No.Copy !req
420. That's the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.Copy !req