1. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
2. Two, craps in the field,
high and away.Copy !req
3. You, you're a cooler!Copy !req
4. The casino brings them in here to ice me.
What's in your tank, Freon, cooler?Copy !req
5. Cooler? I'm a retired orthodontist.Copy !req
6. Back, spawn of Satan!Copy !req
7. Let me show you how this works.Copy !req
8. It's a $10 minimum, sir.Copy !req
9. I got it. Can I have a $10 chip?Copy !req
10. Here. It's a Rolex.Copy !req
11. All right. It's a fakey, but it's worth
at least $10. Come on.Copy !req
12. - Is there a problem here?
- Yeah, the gentleman's had enough.Copy !req
13. I guess
I'll just take my action elsewhere.Copy !req
14. I need you to be on the lookout
for my potential whale, Walton Palmer.Copy !req
15. He runs a Wall Street hedge fund.
Gambles billions in the stock market.Copy !req
16. I'm gonna get him interested
in some civilised forms of wagering.Copy !req
17. And just how
did you lure him here?Copy !req
18. By way of my substantial charms.Copy !req
19. And the Montecito jet,
limo and complimentary villa.Copy !req
20. Yeah, that, too. Oh, my God, hide me.Copy !req
21. Hide you from who?Copy !req
22. Sam!Copy !req
23. Sam Marquez! It's us!Copy !req
24. Stan and Helen Putasca from Waukegan.
Remember?Copy !req
25. Of course. How could I forget?Copy !req
26. Oh, sure!
Hi!Copy !req
27. It's good to see you.
Yes. Welcome to the Montecito.Copy !req
28. Thank you so much.
We didn't know you were working here now.Copy !req
29. Surprise!Copy !req
30. Well, Sam, it's our anniversary,
and it is time to splurge.Copy !req
31. It may be safer
to keep your money in your room.Copy !req
32. Each one has its own safe.Copy !req
33. Hey, Sam.Copy !req
34. Time to feed the kitty.Copy !req
35. - Coupons.
- Exactamundo.Copy !req
36. Stan and Helen are the king and queen
of coupons.Copy !req
37. Well, Vegas is the biggest travel bargain
on the planet...Copy !req
38. but you gotta know how to work it, baby.Copy !req
39. Isn't that right, Sam?
Yes.Copy !req
40. We did our entire wedding reception...Copy !req
41. for 90 people at her last casino
on nothing but two-fors and freebies.Copy !req
42. - Wow.
- Yes, they did.Copy !req
43. This trip, our goal is to do the entire
weekend without spending a penny.Copy !req
44. - Isn't that great?
- Yeah.Copy !req
45. How about it, Sam?Copy !req
46. Feed me. Give me coupons.Copy !req
47. Holy frijole!Copy !req
48. I just won $1 million! I just won $1 million!Copy !req
49. I'm Ed Deline. I'm President of Operations.
Congratulations.Copy !req
50. - Lloyd.
- Lloyd. Mary.Copy !req
51. Yes?Copy !req
52. Would you see to it
that Mr. Lloyd gets whatever he needs?Copy !req
53. I'll make arrangements for the cheque.Copy !req
54. No cheques. I want cash.Copy !req
55. Lloyd, I'm really sorry, but we reserve
the right to decide form of payment.Copy !req
56. What?Copy !req
57. He's a local. We'll pay him cash.Copy !req
58. It'll double our publicity.
Our slots will be packed.Copy !req
59. Okay, we'll make it happen.Copy !req
60. - Cash.
- Cash.Copy !req
61. We understand each other. Thank you.Copy !req
62. Do me a favour, would you?
Keep your eye on this guy here.Copy !req
63. It's gonna be one of those days.Copy !req
64. Edward Melvin Deline!Copy !req
65. Melvin? You know her?Copy !req
66. She's my mother.Copy !req
67. This is all comped,
including room tax, right?Copy !req
68. We spotted him at regular check-in.
What's he doing there?Copy !req
69. Don't know.
One of my guys offered to take his bags...Copy !req
70. he said he doesn't hand out tips for nothing.Copy !req
71. Doesn't sound like a whale to me.
We'll see.Copy !req
72. - Mr. Palmer.
- Yeah?Copy !req
73. - Hello. I'm Samantha Marquez.
- Yeah. Of course.Copy !req
74. - Thanks for sending the jet.
- Of course.Copy !req
75. Certainly not the way
I'd run a business, but...Copy !req
76. Would you like me to walk you
over here to VIP services?Copy !req
77. Joey's gonna grab your bag. Joey.Copy !req
78. Yes, ma'am.
Complimentary, of course.Copy !req
79. Gratuities included. Okay, let's go.Copy !req
80. ED: Mr. Campbell,
on behalf of the Montecito Hotel...Copy !req
81. I'd like to present you with your winnings.Copy !req
82. I'd like to show the folks,
those of you who haven't seen...Copy !req
83. $1 million before,
well, that's what it looks like.Copy !req
84. Please remember that the Montecito Hotel
is the hotel of the $1 million cash payday.Copy !req
85. This time it's
one of our own.Copy !req
86. The newest millionaire in Las Vegas
is local resident, Lloyd Campbell.Copy !req
87. Lloyd?
Lloyd, where?Copy !req
88. You sneaky son of a bitch,
I hope you frigging die!Copy !req
89. For your own safety...Copy !req
90. I suggest you get this money to a bank
as soon as possible.Copy !req
91. - I can escort you there.
- Who's the Clyde?Copy !req
92. "The Clyde"?
This is Danny McCoy, my right-hand man.Copy !req
93. In exchange for a few interviews,
we'd like to offer you a complimentary suite.Copy !req
94. Anything you want, just ask.Copy !req
95. Damn, I think I like being rich already.Copy !req
96. Let's get that money tucked away first.Copy !req
97. - No way.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
98. Did I stutter?Copy !req
99. She says I can have anything I want.Copy !req
100. What I want is to sleep with my money.Copy !req
101. Well, I guess since it is your money,
you can do with it what you like.Copy !req
102. - Damn skippy.
- Right. Skippy.Copy !req
103. First, you'll have to sign this release...Copy !req
104. holding the Montecito and its employees
harmless in regard to your winnings.Copy !req
105. - What if I don't want to?
- What if I'm not asking?Copy !req
106. Thank you.Copy !req
107. - Can I see the suite now?
- Right this way.Copy !req
108. Cool.Copy !req
109. ED: What a pleasant surprise.
Finally, you've come.Copy !req
110. Edward, you are a horrible liar.
I don't know how you ever made it as a spy.Copy !req
111. Danny. This is Danny McCoy, Mum.
This is my mother, Bette.Copy !req
112. - Hi.
- Danny.Copy !req
113. What a pleasure it is to meet you.Copy !req
114. The pretty boy
whom Delinda dated and dumped.Copy !req
115. No, she didn't dump me.
It was more of a mutual thing.Copy !req
116. I pictured you as more muscular.Copy !req
117. - You said, Bette Deline?
- Yes.Copy !req
118. I'm sorry. It's just there's an expression
at the craps table that's...Copy !req
119. Yes, Danny, I know.
ED: Anyway, Mum...Copy !req
120. you still haven't told me why you're here.Copy !req
121. I came here to this vice-ridden
den of inequity...Copy !req
122. because my son and granddaughter
live here.Copy !req
123. And if I didn't come to see them,
I would never, ever see them.Copy !req
124. Grandma!Copy !req
125. Darling!Copy !req
126. Oh, my! How beautiful you are!Copy !req
127. - I get it from you.
- Oh, you!Copy !req
128. You knew that she was coming?Copy !req
129. Grandma called me to tell me
she was flying in.Copy !req
130. That's very nice.
Why would you neglect to tell me?Copy !req
131. I thought you knew.
Don't you have eyes and ears everywhere?Copy !req
132. That's very funny. Where's your mother?Copy !req
133. Strangest thing, after Grandma called...Copy !req
134. Mum suddenly remembered she had
some really important shopping to do...Copy !req
135. in Budapest.Copy !req
136. Edward,
would you please see to my luggage?Copy !req
137. And I trust I'm staying at your house?Copy !req
138. Mum, just wouldn't you be
a lot more comfortable in a nice suite?Copy !req
139. Okay, I'll take care of everything.Copy !req
140. Come on, Grandma.
We have so much to catch up on.Copy !req
141. - Thank you, dear.
- Okay.Copy !req
142. Wow, your mother's in town.
That must be exciting.Copy !req
143. Yeah.Copy !req
144. Check out this room!Copy !req
145. Well, Mr. Campbell...
It's Lloyd.Copy !req
146. Lloyd, I have a couple of interviews
and a photo session...Copy !req
147. set up for later this evening.Copy !req
148. Shouldn't take more than an hour.Copy !req
149. Anything for you, cupcake.Copy !req
150. A good, firm grip there, darling.Copy !req
151. All right.Copy !req
152. Wow.Copy !req
153. Okay. My name's Mary. Mary Connell.Copy !req
154. As you like it.
Mr. Campbell...Copy !req
155. your room will be under 24-hour protection.Copy !req
156. But, you should reconsider
putting that money in a bank.Copy !req
157. What's the matter, Charley?
You afraid you can't handle it?Copy !req
158. It's Danny.
Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
159. - You get free phone sex on this thing?
- No. No, it doesn't.Copy !req
160. But there is a wide variety
of guest services...Copy !req
161. where you can ring for a personal butler.Copy !req
162. I've also left my cell phone number
in case there's any problems.Copy !req
163. I think I might have one of them
percolating up right now.Copy !req
164. - Yeah, what's that?
- A breakfast burrito.Copy !req
165. I think I need to test
the gold-plated plumbing.Copy !req
166. All right. I'll just have housekeeping
send up some potpourri.Copy !req
167. You're such a pal.
Yeah.Copy !req
168. Don't forget.Copy !req
169. You promised that you and Sam
were gonna help with Ed's mum.Copy !req
170. It's really important to him
that his mum has a good time.Copy !req
171. Don't worry, Danny.
Yeah!Copy !req
172. You okay there, Lloyd?Copy !req
173. That's Lloyd like 'rhoid, baby!Copy !req
174. I got you reservations at the French-Cuban
restaurant that you love, Chez Guevara.Copy !req
175. And also, I got you tickets...Copy !req
176. for the netsuke exhibition
at the Japanese Cultural Center.Copy !req
177. - Netsuke?
- Everyone's talking about it.Copy !req
178. And I got you tickets
for Don Giovanni tonight.Copy !req
179. Wait. That's an opera. I gotta wear a tux.Copy !req
180. It's sold out for weeks.Copy !req
181. Well, I wanna thank you both
from the bottom of my heart...Copy !req
182. and I promise you I will not forget it.Copy !req
183. Do you mind me asking why you're
so nervous about your mum being here?Copy !req
184. - Yes.
- Okay.Copy !req
185. ED: How's Joe Millionaire doing?
Mr. Deline.Copy !req
186. He's making himself right at home.Copy !req
187. The publicity's been great. Slots are packed.Copy !req
188. Well, good.
Just as long as he's out of the hotel...Copy !req
189. him and his money, by tomorrow.Copy !req
190. And again...Copy !req
191. What can I say to you two?
Thank you so much. Really, okay?Copy !req
192. You're welcome.Copy !req
193. ED: Really. Never, ever forget it.Copy !req
194. ED: Danny.
Yeah?Copy !req
195. How's it going up there?Copy !req
196. I had to leave the room.
My eyes started watering. What's up?Copy !req
197. If you need any help, you know,
I could stick around.Copy !req
198. You wouldn't wanna miss
that netsuke exhibit, would you, Ed?Copy !req
199. ED: Yeah. All right. I'm going.Copy !req
200. Something's wrong!Copy !req
201. My chest. I can't breathe.
Hey. Call the paramedics.Copy !req
202. My money! My money!
Don't let them take my money!Copy !req
203. Don't worry, Lloyd.
We've already locked down your suite, okay?Copy !req
204. Just breathe.
Freaking casinos!Copy !req
205. Get him in there, fellows.
It's just my luck.Copy !req
206. This one's a double-payout coupon
on any $5 bet, no restrictions.Copy !req
207. - Which we're adding to this one.
- This coupon must be five years old.Copy !req
208. See an expiration date? Didn't think so.Copy !req
209. - So you bet $5 to win $40?
- Exactamundo.Copy !req
210. We're on our way to Easy Street.Copy !req
211. Come on, sister. Make it happen.Copy !req
212. I'm here to see the man they just brought in
from the Montecito, Lloyd Campbell.Copy !req
213. Sir, I'm Dr. Barnes. I'm afraid you're too late.Copy !req
214. What?Copy !req
215. He's dead.Copy !req
216. I'm sorry.Copy !req
217. When he was a freshman
in high school...Copy !req
218. he was so small and so skinny
that he put soup cans in his pockets...Copy !req
219. to make weight for the wrestling team.Copy !req
220. Oh, my God, I love it!Copy !req
221. What was he like when he was little?Copy !req
222. Well, when he was three,
we called him Binky.Copy !req
223. Binky?Copy !req
224. His father and I took him
to Radio City Music Hall to see Peter Pan.Copy !req
225. And when it was over...Copy !req
226. I asked him what he thought of it,
and he had just one question...Copy !req
227. ED: Yeah, "What was Captain Hook's name
before he lost his hand?"Copy !req
228. He used to be a brilliant little boy.Copy !req
229. God knows what's happened to him
since then.Copy !req
230. Mum, can I just speak to you
for one second, please?Copy !req
231. You're not angry, are you?Copy !req
232. Mum, I spent years trying to earn the respect
of my employees. Now you show up.Copy !req
233. It's just that I try to keep
my personal and my business life separate.Copy !req
234. - Do you understand?
- But they love you, you know.Copy !req
235. You're changing the subject.Copy !req
236. Why can't I talk about my son?
I hardly ever see you.Copy !req
237. Well, Mum, maybe this is why.Copy !req
238. Edward, honey, this is Las Vegas.Copy !req
239. You gotta lighten up.Copy !req
240. Now, I'm going to change for dinner.Copy !req
241. Goodbye, everybody.
Bye.Copy !req
242. You know, if one of you say a word,
you're fired.Copy !req
243. - Excuse me. Are you Mr. Deline?
- Yeah.Copy !req
244. - I'm looking for Lloyd Campbell.
- Yeah?Copy !req
245. - The million-dollar winner.
- Yeah?Copy !req
246. I'm his wife.Copy !req
247. ED: Sorry to keep you waiting. You mind?Copy !req
248. So, apparently he had a fatal coronary.Copy !req
249. A heart attack?
ED: Yeah.Copy !req
250. He's 29 freaking years old.Copy !req
251. These things are rare,
but apparently they happen.Copy !req
252. Maybe it was the excitement of winning.Copy !req
253. I told him to stop buttering everything.Copy !req
254. Well, I'm sorry for your loss.Copy !req
255. If there's anything we can do for you...Copy !req
256. Where's my money?Copy !req
257. Okay, the money's in here,
safe and secure.Copy !req
258. At least you guys
did something right.Copy !req
259. Thank you.Copy !req
260. You do understand we're gonna have to
hold on to this money...Copy !req
261. until you get your legal issues ironed out,
right?Copy !req
262. Yeah. I wanna see it.Copy !req
263. Where is it?Copy !req
264. He said he wanted to sleep with it.
I'm guessing the bedroom.Copy !req
265. It's gone.Copy !req
266. Ed, nobody's been in this room
since we took him away. I don't...Copy !req
267. I want my money! Give me my money!Copy !req
268. Okay, this one.
This is good for a free slot pull...Copy !req
269. and French lessons at Paris.Copy !req
270. No expiration date on that.
That's a good one.Copy !req
271. Hi.
Hi.Copy !req
272. What's going on here?Copy !req
273. We're just showing some of the new folks
how to save a buck or two in this town.Copy !req
274. I don't have to tell you
Vegas can get pretty pricey, so...Copy !req
275. Yeah. Would you come with me a minute?Copy !req
276. - Sure.
- Sure.Copy !req
277. Sam, I need you in Mystique now.
We love Sam.Copy !req
278. - So, how's it going?
- I'm working on it.Copy !req
279. ED: Boy, oh, boy. How do you suppose
we explain to the press...Copy !req
280. that not only did we lose
our newest millionaire...Copy !req
281. but we also lost his money?Copy !req
282. - How not good is this?
- Very, very not good.Copy !req
283. All right. Now, screen back to live.Copy !req
284. Besides Mary and I,
nobody entered the room.Copy !req
285. - What do we tell the press?
- They don't know yet?Copy !req
286. - I don't think so.
- That's good. That's good.Copy !req
287. Do we know for sure
this is the dead guy's wife?Copy !req
288. Yeah, positive. I checked it out.Copy !req
289. Okay, look, you take Mrs. Campbell upstairs,
and you keep her occupied.Copy !req
290. - Don't let her talk to anybody.
- How do I do that?Copy !req
291. I don't know. You mourn over some mimosas
or something.Copy !req
292. And you, you get your ass out there
and find the money.Copy !req
293. All right. I'll check the hospital.
ED: There you go. That's good.Copy !req
294. Because if the money was not in the suite,
it had to go out in the body.Copy !req
295. Probably in some kind of money belt.Copy !req
296. ED: There you go.Copy !req
297. So, great. You two go...Copy !req
298. and I'll just check the different angles
on the cameras in the suite.Copy !req
299. Maybe we missed something, right?Copy !req
300. Let me get this straight.
You're gonna stay here?Copy !req
301. - Yeah, right.
- No.Copy !req
302. You're gonna go to the opera
with your mother.Copy !req
303. You're telling me what to do?Copy !req
304. I'm gonna go baby-sit Miss Congeniality
in Dead Lloyd's suite.Copy !req
305. And you, you're gonna spend some time
with your mum, Mr. President.Copy !req
306. What's the matter with you?
Do you realise how lucky you are?Copy !req
307. Do you realise that woman
is 100 pounds of pain in the ass?Copy !req
308. I would give everything that I own
just to have my mother back for one day.Copy !req
309. Will you excuse me?Copy !req
310. Mike, it's Danny. Make sure Ed gets in a limo.
Thanks.Copy !req
311. - I've never seen him like this before.
- Poor Binky.Copy !req
312. Yeah.Copy !req
313. Listen, as much as I admire
their dedication to the discount cause...Copy !req
314. can you explain to them
there's a time and place for everything?Copy !req
315. - Yeah, that's what I'm about to do.
- What, by giving them more crappy coupons?Copy !req
316. It's not about what you give.
It's how you give it.Copy !req
317. They're not gonna bother us
on the rest of their trip.Copy !req
318. Okay.Copy !req
319. - Hi.
- Hi, Sam. She seemed peeved.Copy !req
320. We were just trying to
have a little fun.Copy !req
321. On the plus side, we've already had
three two-for-one Mai Tais.Copy !req
322. - Yeah.
- Please.Copy !req
323. I need you two to promise me...Copy !req
324. that you are not gonna tell
anybody about this.Copy !req
325. I've brought you something.Copy !req
326. Insider coupons.Copy !req
327. Oh, my...Copy !req
328. They're not for the Montecito,
but they're good everywhere else.Copy !req
329. I need you to be cool. Not until I leave, okay?Copy !req
330. We've heard rumours
about insider coupons...Copy !req
331. but we were sure it was just another
urban discount legend.Copy !req
332. Well, trust me, it's not.Copy !req
333. You two...Copy !req
334. cannot tell anybody...Copy !req
335. We won't.Copy !req
336. I gave you these. It has to be our little secret.Copy !req
337. - You have our word.
- Absolutely.Copy !req
338. Okay, it's fine.Copy !req
339. - Thank you so...
- I'm not gonna say it again.Copy !req
340. Oh, my God!Copy !req
341. So what's it like being
Montecito's in-house ho?Copy !req
342. What? I beg your pardon?Copy !req
343. Excuse me. "Call girl."Copy !req
344. I'm not a call girl.
I'm the casino's special events coordinator.Copy !req
345. Don't play cute with me.Copy !req
346. You're after Lloyd's money.
I saw you two on TV.Copy !req
347. - You were all over him.
- I was doing my job.Copy !req
348. Can't blame you, really.Copy !req
349. There's something about Lloyd.Copy !req
350. I'm sorry. I don't have any record of
a Lloyd Campbell being sent to the morgue.Copy !req
351. It would have been a couple hours ago.
Maybe it's not in the system yet?Copy !req
352. No. Not a single patient has expired here
in the last 24 hours.Copy !req
353. That's impossible.Copy !req
354. Okay. Well, could you call the doctor
who signed this?Copy !req
355. Yeah, he's right there. Dr. Barnes?Copy !req
356. I'm Dr. Barnes. What can I do for you?Copy !req
357. That's not him. He...Copy !req
358. You're not him.Copy !req
359. Missing money, a missing body
and a missing doctor.Copy !req
360. Maybe someone figured out
how to take it with them.Copy !req
361. How's everything here?Copy !req
362. What's a worse death?
Drowning or being burned alive?Copy !req
363. That bad? Can I get you a hug?Copy !req
364. Mrs. Campbell?Copy !req
365. We'll need to talk to you.Copy !req
366. I just came back from the hospital.Copy !req
367. And this is gonna sound strange,
but your husband's body is missing.Copy !req
368. And the guy who was posing
as the doctor is also missing.Copy !req
369. Any response at all to that, or no?Copy !req
370. Which hospital?
County Memorial.Copy !req
371. What did this missing doctor
look like?Copy !req
372. A little goatee, sort of medium height,
kind of gawky.Copy !req
373. That would be Lloyd's old gambling buddy,
Doc.Copy !req
374. - Doc?
- His name is Calvin Haines.Copy !req
375. He was kicked out of med school for selling
cadavers to pay off his gambling debts.Copy !req
376. If Doc's down to his last nickel,
he'll put it in a slot.Copy !req
377. Anyway, he works as an orderly there.Copy !req
378. And guess what?
Lloyd works there, too, as a janitor.Copy !req
379. - He told us he was unemployed.
- Might as well be for what he brings home.Copy !req
380. - Any idea where this Doc might live?
- What difference would that make?Copy !req
381. Having an out-of-body experience there,
Lloyd?Copy !req
382. Well, if it's not Charley and my lying,
cheating slut of a wife!Copy !req
383. I want my money.Copy !req
384. It's not your money. It's mine!
I haven't even seen you in over a month!Copy !req
385. Maybe if you'd come around a bit more.Copy !req
386. Yeah? And why should I do that?Copy !req
387. So I can catch you banging some jagweed...Copy !req
388. with a four-pack of wine coolers
and a carton of generic menthols?Copy !req
389. Watch the potty mouth.
Would you both shut up?Copy !req
390. Lloyd, it's your money. Why would you run?Copy !req
391. You've been hanging out with her.Copy !req
392. Would you wanna share
a big score with that?Copy !req
393. I'll tell you something else. She tricked me.Copy !req
394. I didn't even wanna marry her.Copy !req
395. She starts shaking
that money maker around...Copy !req
396. and it's liable to make a man
do some ignorant things.Copy !req
397. Tricked you? You begged me.Copy !req
398. Is that how you remember it?
That's it! I want you dead!Copy !req
399. Hey, hey!Copy !req
400. See what I'm talking...
You sit.Copy !req
401. Sit.Copy !req
402. Lloyd, please.Copy !req
403. So, why would you fake your own death?Copy !req
404. Because you guys made me a big news story.Copy !req
405. I couldn't even get out of the casino...Copy !req
406. let alone Las Vegas,
without the whole world knowing about it.Copy !req
407. I called Doc, and we put our heads together.Copy !req
408. Dork number one meets dork number two.Copy !req
409. We cut in the ambulance jockeys
for a taste. We were responsible for the rest.Copy !req
410. I figure we hole up here, we settle down...Copy !req
411. wait for the hubbub to blow over,
and then scoot.Copy !req
412. Doc's down gassing up the car right now.Copy !req
413. - You let him leave with the money?
- What do you think I am, new?Copy !req
414. No! Erectile enhancers!Copy !req
415. No! No!Copy !req
416. Did your father ever tell you
that for his 11th birthday...Copy !req
417. we took him to Bayreuth
to see the entire Ring cycle?Copy !req
418. - Wow, how fun.
- Yeah, it was a great treat.Copy !req
419. He pouted the entire time.Copy !req
420. He was always a great pouter.Copy !req
421. Wrinkles, Edward, wrinkles.Copy !req
422. Look, Mum,
what I was trying to say back there.Copy !req
423. I was trying to ask... I was just wondering
if you were having a good time is all.Copy !req
424. You know, something that I ate
at that strange little restaurant...Copy !req
425. I think, has upset me.Copy !req
426. Are you okay, Grandma?Copy !req
427. Yes. But I think just a little glass of sherry
might just settle my stomach.Copy !req
428. I know just the place.Copy !req
429. There's somewhere special
I wanna show you.Copy !req
430. In you go.Copy !req
431. See, this is what I mean.Copy !req
432. I just can't seem to make her happy.
You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
433. Don't worry, Daddy. She loves you very much
just the way you are.Copy !req
434. She just has trouble showing it.Copy !req
435. Right. All right. Get in the car.Copy !req
436. Yeah. Dad, why don't you catch a cab?Copy !req
437. 'Cause Grandma and I
need some girl time, okay?Copy !req
438. Don't wait up.Copy !req
439. Thanks, Mike.Copy !req
440. ED: Let me know where they wind up.Copy !req
441. And do me a big favour.
Take the smile off your face.Copy !req
442. Yeah.Copy !req
443. Hey, it's Danny.Copy !req
444. Listen. You're not gonna believe this,
but Lloyd faked his own death...Copy !req
445. to cut the missus out of her share.Copy !req
446. I guess he's not as dumb as he looks.Copy !req
447. But the money's still missing.
ED: So?Copy !req
448. Who cares? It's not our problem.
Mystery solved, right?Copy !req
449. Ed, look, I know that these guys are idiots,
but they're our idiots.Copy !req
450. Excuse me. What does that mean, exactly?Copy !req
451. They're locals.Copy !req
452. So. All right. Go ahead. Help the local idiots.Copy !req
453. Then get your ass back to work. How's that?Copy !req
454. All right.Copy !req
455. Where've you been?
Waking the dead.Copy !req
456. Yeah,
I heard Lloyd made a miraculous recovery.Copy !req
457. I got him and his ex-widow
parked upstairs right now.Copy !req
458. Got Mary riding shotgun.
Sounds like a plum gig.Copy !req
459. How's everything
going here?Copy !req
460. It's really quiet.Copy !req
461. - How about Sam's whale?
- He's been circling the tables for hours...Copy !req
462. but he hasn't even nibbled at the bait.Copy !req
463. Danny, do you believe that certain people
deserve each other?Copy !req
464. You wanna talk about us now?
Not us, Danny, them.Copy !req
465. - Are they gonna kill each other?
- You say that like it's a bad thing.Copy !req
466. It's like the men's room
at a crowded ball game.Copy !req
467. - Trust me, you don't wanna go in.
- Thanks.Copy !req
468. What are you doing?Copy !req
469. No!Copy !req
470. Hey!
That's good!Copy !req
471. I see you two are working things out.Copy !req
472. Hey, Charley!Copy !req
473. Check this out, man! I'm on fuego!Copy !req
474. Okay. Look.Copy !req
475. Okay, I talked to Metro and Traffic Control.Copy !req
476. They're looking for your friend Doc.
I just need some help.Copy !req
477. Okay.Copy !req
478. Do you have any idea where he might be?Copy !req
479. No, I got nothing.Copy !req
480. What a surprise.Copy !req
481. Okay, you said he's got a gambling problem,
right?Copy !req
482. Yeah.Copy !req
483. And that if he had any money at all,
he'd gamble it away.Copy !req
484. Yeah.
What's his poison?Copy !req
485. - What?
- His... What game does he like to play?Copy !req
486. Poker.
True that.Copy !req
487. The man cannot pass up a game
of Texas Hold'em.Copy !req
488. He plays like old people screw,
slow and bad.Copy !req
489. But he can't resist it. Come on, darling.Copy !req
490. Come here.Copy !req
491. All right. Well, you guys, you stay put.Copy !req
492. We need to find this guy
before he makes off with the money.Copy !req
493. It makes the Montecito look bad.
Or me.Copy !req
494. ED: A little late for that, aren't you, pal?Copy !req
495. Hey, how was the opera?Copy !req
496. The opera. It was great.Copy !req
497. Don Giovanni and I both ended up in hell.Copy !req
498. What about the doc?Copy !req
499. We've checked every high-stakes poker game
in town, including the back-room stuff.Copy !req
500. Vegas or not, $1 million
is a hard secret to keep, so...Copy !req
501. ED: Right. What else?Copy !req
502. - Well, Sam's whale's missing.
- Potential whale.Copy !req
503. And, one other thing.Copy !req
504. There's a report that there's a floating
crap game in one of the rooms.Copy !req
505. ED: In my hotel?
Yeah.Copy !req
506. Like bringing a hooker to the Chicken Ranch.
What is it doing in the hotel?Copy !req
507. We're trying to figure out.
Maybe they're playing on credit.Copy !req
508. I don't want the Gaming Commission
to get wind of this.Copy !req
509. Find out where they are.Copy !req
510. I'm scrolling through the cameras
looking for unusual foot traffic.Copy !req
511. ED: Great.Copy !req
512. To tell you the truth, this has been
one huge pain-in-the-ass night. Huge.Copy !req
513. Oh, good.Copy !req
514. I'm sure this is good news.
Somebody wants to give me some.Copy !req
515. Yeah, Mike? What?Copy !req
516. Sorry for the phone call, but you said
you wanted to know where they were going.Copy !req
517. Where the heck are they?Copy !req
518. It's an all-male revue.Copy !req
519. Whoa!Copy !req
520. Everybody, back the other way.Copy !req
521. ED: You can't come out here. Let's go.Copy !req
522. - Arriba, baby! Arriba!
- Great.Copy !req
523. Oh, Edward, isn't this wonderful?Copy !req
524. Your mum is a riot.
I can see where Delinda got it from.Copy !req
525. It must have skipped a generation.Copy !req
526. Come on, Daddy. Dance with me.
ED: I don't dance.Copy !req
527. ED: Let's go back inside, please!
Folks, we gotta take you back inside.Copy !req
528. What are you doing here?Copy !req
529. A lot of people coming up on this floor...Copy !req
530. maybe for a crap game. And you?Copy !req
531. I was told that whatever
Palmer charged to his room...Copy !req
532. is being delivered to this floor.Copy !req
533. Come on, everybody. Place your bets.Copy !req
534. Everybody's a winner.Copy !req
535. Our Walt is on a roll! Come on.Copy !req
536. - Eighter from Decatur.
- Roll them!Copy !req
537. Excuse me.Copy !req
538. Excuse me!Copy !req
539. You can't do this.
Hi.Copy !req
540. You're in violation of Nevada's state law...Copy !req
541. and I'm gonna have to confiscate
your wagers immediately.Copy !req
542. I'm gonna ask you to leave the premises.Copy !req
543. - No, this isn't illegal.
- No way.Copy !req
544. We're just having fun with coupons.
Yeah.Copy !req
545. - Right, Walt-o-matic?
- Exactamundo, Stanley.Copy !req
546. See, right after Sam gave us
the insider coupons in Mystique...Copy !req
547. we met the Waltman here
and started talking about coupons, and...Copy !req
548. We just hit it off right away.Copy !req
549. And after a few drinks, Stan bet Mr. Palmer
a stack of coupons...Copy !req
550. that he could guess his weight,
which is his speciality.Copy !req
551. - 187.
- Got you.Copy !req
552. Yeah. Anyway, so one thing led to another,
and here we are.Copy !req
553. - Mr. Palmer?
- Yeah?Copy !req
554. Excuse me.
Sure.Copy !req
555. Could l...
Yeah.Copy !req
556. Listen, this is fine. This is no problem.Copy !req
557. I'm happy you're getting the hang
of things up here.Copy !req
558. I think you'll enjoy the real action
down in the casino, don't you?Copy !req
559. Frankly, no. I'm just not a gambling man.Copy !req
560. Except for the millions you risk every day
in the market, sir.Copy !req
561. No, you see, I put my money in good,
solid companies that I know.Copy !req
562. But listen, thank you very much
for everything.Copy !req
563. - I think they need a shooter.
- Mr. Palmer.Copy !req
564. Here he comes.Copy !req
565. Pardon me. It's all right.Copy !req
566. Are you ready for another one?
Hey, Sam?Copy !req
567. You look a little pale.Copy !req
568. Now, we've got
just the thing for you.Copy !req
569. A free session at the Midnight Sun
Tanning Salon on Rainbow Drive.Copy !req
570. Yeah.Copy !req
571. Hey, Ed, I thought you still might be
at the strip show.Copy !req
572. You know what, kid?Copy !req
573. You're lucky I'm too tired
to come over there and kill you.Copy !req
574. By the way, I think I found Doc.Copy !req
575. Some guy matching his description
showed up at some high-stakes poker game.Copy !req
576. Some card room downtown
called Doc Holliday's.Copy !req
577. I'll take Lloyd and Tammi with me
to make sure we got the right guy.Copy !req
578. Hey, you think your guy Doc
goes to Doc Holliday's...Copy !req
579. because he thinks it'll bring him luck?Copy !req
580. No. I think he went there
'cause he's a moron.Copy !req
581. I think you're bluffing.Copy !req
582. You looking at me? I'm all in.Copy !req
583. The gentleman calls. He's all in.Copy !req
584. Full boat, my friend. Kings over tens.Copy !req
585. Good for you. Good for you.Copy !req
586. On the river, too. Lucky. Lucky guy.Copy !req
587. I'd like to see you try that
three times in a row. More chips.Copy !req
588. What?Copy !req
589. We're gonna go about this very quietly.
And would you quit poking me?Copy !req
590. I'm sorry.
This thing won't go away.Copy !req
591. Doc, you worthless piece of crap!Copy !req
592. Are you crazy? Get off of me!Copy !req
593. Hey, nobody shoves my girl!
That's my angel!Copy !req
594. Guys, stop that. Come on.
Don't hurt each other.Copy !req
595. He called her a ball-busting bitch!
Okay.Copy !req
596. Remember?
Let's go back to the Montecito.Copy !req
597. Apologise to her now or I'll kill you!
Be nice.Copy !req
598. Tammi, I'm sorry. I love you.Copy !req
599. What? You did him, too?Copy !req
600. My money!Copy !req
601. That ought to make you feel better.Copy !req
602. Yeah. That makes it an even 11 cups.Copy !req
603. How are the lovebirds doing?Copy !req
604. Darling. Just darling.
They're back at the suite.Copy !req
605. It's amazing what $1 million and a bag
full of stiffies will do for a marriage.Copy !req
606. ED: Wait a second, now. Isn't that...Copy !req
607. ED: Those blue bombers must work fast...Copy !req
608. 'cause she looks to be about, what,
seven months pregnant, give or take...Copy !req
609. - Out for a late-night walk?
- I just thought I'd go get some ice cream.Copy !req
610. - Why didn't you just order room service?
- That's okay. I'll go myself.Copy !req
611. You're looking a little chunky there, Tammi.Copy !req
612. I feel a little bloated.Copy !req
613. It must be the caviar. Plus, I'm PMSing, so...Copy !req
614. PMSing? Aren't you pregnant?Copy !req
615. I'll give you $100,000
if you just look the other way.Copy !req
616. We'd better see what Lloyd thinks about that.Copy !req
617. Come on. Let's go tell him.Copy !req
618. Listen, I can explain.
I know you think that... I can...Copy !req
619. Hey, are you back with the ice cream
already? Charley, is that you?Copy !req
620. - You come any closer, I'll jump.
- Please jump.Copy !req
621. - What?
- You just don't get it, do you?Copy !req
622. Lloyd, it's your money, but the hotel is mine.Copy !req
623. Now, please, get out.Copy !req
624. What's to stop him from bailing with the cash
the minute I turn my back?Copy !req
625. Yeah? And what's to stop her from doing
the exact same thing?Copy !req
626. I got an idea! Why don't you just split it?Copy !req
627. Even Steven.Copy !req
628. - What, like 50-50?
- Yeah.Copy !req
629. I get half and she gets half?
Yes.Copy !req
630. - You wanna do that?
- Okay.Copy !req
631. Deal.Copy !req
632. That's where she kept the money!Copy !req
633. - See what I have to put up with.
- Now get out!Copy !req
634. Hey! Hey, you cheating bastards,
where's my cut?Copy !req
635. My God, it's raining money!
This is the greatest!Copy !req
636. These phones are ringing
off the hook.Copy !req
637. ED: Thanks.
You're welcome.Copy !req
638. This turned into a nice little publicity stunt
for us.Copy !req
639. Yeah. You could not buy publicity like this.Copy !req
640. You know what the truth is?Copy !req
641. Since it really wasn't our money, we didn't.Copy !req
642. I'm guessing they'll be talking about this
for years.Copy !req
643. How's your mum?
ED: She's, you know, she's great.Copy !req
644. She got carried away last night,
but maybe it runs in the family.Copy !req
645. Absolutely.Copy !req
646. - Ed?
- Yeah?Copy !req
647. Your mother's down at the Bella Sera.
She wants you to come down.Copy !req
648. - Want me to go with you?
- Please.Copy !req
649. ED: Hey.Copy !req
650. - Good morning.
- Morning.Copy !req
651. Edward, I'd like you to meet
my lover, Guillermo.Copy !req
652. He manages the South of the Border Revue
at Mystique.Copy !req
653. And his English needs a little work,
but, boy, can he dance.Copy !req
654. I'll bet.Copy !req
655. Of course.
ED: Gracias.Copy !req
656. ED: Mum.Copy !req
657. What are you doing?Copy !req
658. All right.Copy !req
659. ED: Mum, I don't know how to say this.Copy !req
660. - Have you thought this through?
- What's to think about?Copy !req
661. I'm 84 years old.Copy !req
662. He makes me happy.
At least he's older than you.Copy !req
663. Okay. Listen,
I'll run just a little background check on him.Copy !req
664. You do and I'll never speak to you again.Copy !req
665. Edward, I know what you're thinking,
but it's been 15 years since your father died.Copy !req
666. Now, if anything happens to you...Copy !req
667. wouldn't you want Jillian to be happy?Copy !req
668. Of course.Copy !req
669. It's just that I wish that
I could make you happy.Copy !req
670. Edward, darling,
you manage this magnificent place.Copy !req
671. When will you ever learn?Copy !req
672. That is not your job.Copy !req
673. Guillermo, come on, my love.Copy !req
674. Somewhere in this town
there's a tango waiting for us.Copy !req
675. Edward!Copy !req
676. In the most amazing
publicity stunt Las Vegas has ever seen...Copy !req
677. last night the Montecito Hotel & Casino...Copy !req
678. literally blew $1 million out the window.Copy !req
679. Cheering crowds raced down The Strip
trying to collect the loot...Copy !req
680. as it floated to earth.Copy !req
681. There were numerous accidents reported...Copy !req
682. more than 100 disorderly conduct arrests
and at least one heart attack.Copy !req
683. But, hey, I got mine.Copy !req
684. Only in Las Vegas.Copy !req