Lanterns 1x1

1. Tonight, a 60 Minutes exclusive.

2. Ten years ago, no one on Earth was aware

3. we were already under the protection

4. of someone calling himself Green Lantern.

5. Then, without warning, he made himself known,

6. dramatically stopping a meteor from devastating Victoria Falls.

7. Or, at least, he made himself partially known.

8. Here now, we bring you the first ever heart-to-heart

9. with a superhero.

10. Are you nervous?

11. I don't get nervous.

12. - Part of the job description. - Of course.

13. Excited.

14. In that case, who are you?

15. I'm Hal Jordan.

16. Damn it, Marcus!

17. You're gonna get us all in trouble.

18. Just watch the window!

19. So, what do you want the world

20. to know about you?

21. I'm an Air Force veteran.

22. I'm a former test pilot.

23. And really...

24. just that I'm a regular person.

25. Like you.

26. Except that you're also

27. Earth's first Green Lantern.

28. There is that, too.

29. In many ways,

30. Hal Jordan was born for the role he would eventually play.

31. His father was a decorated test pilot

32. who died tragically in a crash when Hal was just eight.

33. Hal continued to follow in his father's footsteps...

34. Shit, shit, shit! He's home!

35. Damn it! Come on, John, turn the TV off!

36. Well, I'm the only one here.

37. But we're like beat cops.

38. - Only each one of us... - Turn it off!

39. has a chunk of the galaxy.

40. And how are you chosen for this chunk?

41. - Is there a test? - John!

42. - Come on, turn the TV off! - It's only one question.

43. We're so dead.

44. "Are you afraid?"

45. And you said no.

46. I did.

47. Every kid's worst fear is losing a parent.

48. Once that happens...

49. there is nothing to fear anymore.

50. So you gonna tell me his real name?

51. Hal something.

52. Hal?

53. Yes, sir.

54. Outside. Now.

55. Are you afraid?

56. No, sir!

57. Let's go get a burger.

58. Shit.

59. I'm late.

60. Yes, sir.

61. You're not gonna say anything?

62. You sure you're not mad?

63. - No, sir. - Me, I'd be pissed off.

64. Disappearing for two weeks,

65. no explanation, show up hungover, and late.

66. Come on, you gotta be a little angry.

67. No, sir.

68. Mildly perturbed?

69. No, sir.

70. How come it is every time you say "sir,"

71. it sounds more and more like, "Fuck you"?

72. I have no idea.

73. Sir.

74. You must be wondering where I was?

75. - You ever heard of Pharon 4? - Well, we're in training.

76. We haven't gone off-planet yet.

77. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's a shithole of a planet

78. that was on the verge of civil war.

79. The point is, if I'm hungover,

80. it's only because I was celebrating the new peace.

81. So, how'd you manage it?

82. A little bit of diplomacy, a little punching,

83. you know the drill.

84. Actually, I don't, sir. That's the point.

85. Well, you got all the time in the world.

86. With all due respect,

87. we've been doing this, what, two months?

88. And I haven't even worn the ring yet.

89. Don't get hung up on the jewelry, Junior.

90. You'll wear it when it chooses you.

91. I thought the point was that the Guardians chose me.

92. - That's all. - The big blue bosses

93. may think that you're hot shit,

94. but you're just a fucking substitute teacher, Junior.

95. You're not ready to get up in front of the class

96. until the ring says you are.

97. Here.

98. You wanna take it?

99. Is that a test?

100. There's a taco stand up the road about three miles.

101. I'll meet you there.

102. - Hello? - Dad, he tried to kill me.

103. We was on our way to a flying lesson, and he—

104. Jordan just tried to fucking kill me.

105. He can't kill you.

106. He's just trying to put you on tilt.

107. I'm not on fucking tilt.

108. Then he's testing you.

109. They're allowed to have tantrums.

110. We're not. So breathe in, button down, and bottle up.

111. You need to be cool. Can you be cool, son?

112. - Yes, sir. I can be cool. - Good.

113. - You want this, right? - Of course, I want this.

114. Just stay the course

115. and this job is yours.

116. Yeah, well...

117. Shit.

118. Am I dead?

119. - What? - You're wearing my ring.

120. Is that supposed to be funny?

121. Hey, did I do something to piss you off?

122. 'Cause if I did, I'm sorry.

123. You? Hal Jordan? Sorry?

124. That's right.

125. I must have a concussion.

126. Wait a sec. Wait a sec.

127. Let's start at the beginning.

128. Who are you and why are you wearing my ring?

129. I'm John Stewart, your trainee.

130. Lanterns don't have trainees from their own sector.

131. They do now.

132. What year is it?

133. 2016.

134. Holy...

135. You want to tell me what you think is going on?

136. I'm a backup of Hal Jordan's consciousness,

137. combined with the sentience of the ring,

138. I'm here to give myself a message.

139. So you are Hal?

140. No. Yes. Mostly. Ish.

141. Well, it's like when you store yourself in the cloud,

142. only every once in a while,

143. when you're needed in the real world, you...

144. Lanterns, they're required to be uploaded weekly,

145. for posterity's sake, in case something happens to us.

146. I should have taught you this.

147. I thought I was training you.

148. Yeah, I thought so, too.

149. When were you last backed up?

150. Evidently, ten years ago. Listen, I need to find myself.

151. - Where am I? - Oh, you're three miles

152. up the street eating tacos.

153. Oh, good. You can fly us there, then.

154. I— I haven't...

155. taught you how to fly yet, have I?

156. I'll tell you what.

157. You tell me what you want me to tell you.

158. Do I trust you?

159. I mean, you know, we, uh...

160. You know, we get along?

161. We get along great.

162. There's hail in Rushville, Nebraska.

163. That's it?

164. Well, I'll know what I mean.

165. Hm.

166. Hey, it's Green Lantern!

167. You're a legend, man. - Thank you.

168. Yes, I want a selfie!

169. Let the man breathe!

170. It's not a petting zoo.

171. Come on.

172. I'll bring your food to your table, Mr. Jordan.

173. Thank you very much. Thank you.

174. - All right, guys. - Thanks very much. Thanks.

175. Um, um, I'm...

176. Do you think that my daughter could maybe...

177. Absolutely. Come here. Come on. Come here.

178. There we go.

179. Okay.

180. - Thank you. - You're very welcome.

181. - She misses the suit. - I didn't say that.

182. Tell your mom I still wear it on special occasions.

183. Yeah.

184. I could have fucking died.

185. You want me to train you, I'm training you.

186. How'd you save yourself?

187. What'd you make with the ring?

188. Bubble wrap.

189. - Oh, you're a genius. - Yeah.

190. Dessert's on the house.

191. Well, thank you very much.

192. Can I ask why only on special occasions?

193. It's like when you're young and eager

194. and you like to prove yourself, so you wear a tie

195. so people will take you seriously.

196. But when you get older and wiser...

197. you realize ties are a pain in the ass.

198. Ah.

199. - Good one. - Hmm.

200. Yeah. Good one.

201. Give me my ring.

202. You sent yourself a message, by the way.

203. - What are you talking about? - The ring.

204. Your backup consciousness.

205. You were a lot nicer ten years ago.

206. What did I say?

207. There's hail in Rushville, Nebraska.

208. Pay the check.

209. Sorry, no one's allowed in.

210. Really? It seems like the whole town's in there.

211. Oh, come on. That's enough, don't you think?

212. John Stewart.

213. I'm with Hal Jordan. We're partners.

214. I thought there was only one Green Lantern.

215. Well, technically, I'm in training.

216. Hmm, so like a sidekick?

217. Why don't you just make the call?

218. Hey, boss.

219. There's another one.

220. You fucking kidding me?

221. Tell him to stay on the fucking sidelines

222. with that other fucking shithead.

223. Yes, ma'am.

224. What's the word?

225. Stay off the field.

226. You ditched me.

227. I was testing you, seeing if you had it in you

228. to get yourself here on your own.

229. You've been here six hours,

230. so why are they still processing the scene?

231. Uh, emergency services from two different counties.

232. They're interviewing witnesses, escorting them out 10 at a time.

233. It's a decidedly small-town pace.

234. I don't get it. You flew all the way here

235. just to ride the bench.

236. The answer to that mystery is heading right to you.

237. Hey, Sheriff, uh, uh...

238. Kane. It— Uh, John Stewart.

239. Kerry.

240. - John. Training under Hal. - What an honor.

241. 'Cause it was certainly an honor to meet him

242. when he arrived.

243. - You don't have jurisdiction. - She's about to tell you we don't have jurisdiction.

244. - You don't. - I will.

245. I can't do this again.

246. Look, you're a big shot. Noted. But your jurisdiction

247. only covers extraterrestrial events.

248. This... This is pretty much the definition of terrestrial.

249. These victims are going to end up being aliens.

250. - Based on what? - I have a feeling.

251. He has a feeling.

252. I have a very strong feeling.

253. Well, then, by all means, the scene is yours.

254. Well, it seems kind of mellow for a mass shooting,

255. don't you think?

256. They're in shock.

257. Or nobody knows the victims.

258. Does anybody seem extra upset to you down there?

259. You see anybody standing with the bodies?

260. Say it with me now.

261. Aliens.

262. Look, I know you think you're helping,

263. but you need to trust me.

264. These people are my friends. They're my neighbors.

265. They understand your job. They know we're not alone.

266. There's a difference between hearing that on CNN

267. and seeing it up close.

268. If it ends up being the case, we'll deal with it.

269. But until then, I'm trying to keep the scene calm.

270. So if you could do me a favor, keep away from the news vans.

271. It was nice to meet you.

272. Now, if you'll both kindly stay the fuck out of my way.

273. She's something incredible, isn't she?

274. I think she hates your guts.

275. Yeah, but it's the way she hates them.

276. So, what's going on here?

277. Well, if I'm not mistaken—

278. Why don't you tell me?

279. Looks to me like

280. Rushville scored a game-winning field goal.

281. Kicking block is still out there.

282. Fence is broken.

283. My guess is home fans rushed the field.

284. This being a rivalry,

285. a few visitor fans wander onto the field.

286. This being Nebraska, more than a few are carrying.

287. You got four dead, all in visitor sweatshirts.

288. And still none of this explains

289. why you think it has anything to do with aliens.

290. You know, I've been doing this job

291. since you were a baby.

292. I'm the only person on this whole goddamn planet

293. that's ever done this job.

294. I say I got a fucking feeling, I got a fucking feeling, Junior.

295. "There's hail in Rushville, Nebraska."

296. You've been monitoring this exact spot.

297. "Hail" obviously means aliens.

298. Christ, they even sound the fucking same.

299. So we both know this is more than just a feeling.

300. - Do we? - Yeah, we do.

301. Here's all you need to know.

302. - Hmm. - This is my job.

303. As long as I'm alive, that ain't changing.

304. And I don't plan on dying anytime soon,

305. so why don't you do yourself a big favor

306. and take a nice long, deep breath, Junior?

307. Fuck.

308. I think one of them is still here.

309. Yeah, the one in the short-sleeved shirt.

310. Been clocking him since I got here,

311. trying to figure out why he didn't bolt,

312. what he still wants here.

313. You told the sheriff?

314. Of course not.

315. But it's her crime scene.

316. That's how you'd play this if you had the ring?

317. Yeah.

318. I respect the chain of command.

319. Well, by all means, go respect it.

320. Would you excuse me?

321. Hey, shithead.

322. What part of stay the fuck away, was confusing?

323. There's something you need to see.

324. If you're about to tell me

325. about the redneck in the short sleeves

326. who ditched his only warm clothes

327. so we wouldn't put him with the other victims,

328. I'm trying to make sure he doesn't get spooked

329. and start shooting the place up like his dead friends.

330. I just fucked up, didn't I?

331. I suspect you did.

332. Fuck.

333. You got him?

334. Sure.

335. - I need to interrogate him. - Like fucking hell you do.

336. Hi.

337. - Yeah. - You thirsty?

338. Howdy, fellas.

339. Hey, can I have another, another, and another?

340. Sure thing.

341. Did you just use that ring to counterfeit money?

342. No. I manifested money with the power of my will.

343. Oh, wow. But you couldn't manifest

344. something for the guy I was chasing.

345. Got it.

346. This ring is a dangerous weapon.

347. When and if to use it,

348. that's the whole ball game, Junior.

349. Tell me how you got it, the ring.

350. You know how I got it.

351. Yeah, but I mean, what I know can't be true, right?

352. Well, I got it the old-fashioned way.

353. I sure as hell didn't interview for it.

354. Oh, well, shit, maybe you should have.

355. I mean, power like that,

356. shouldn't you have to work for it,

357. excel, prove yourself,

358. instead of just getting randomly selected?

359. Why do you give a shit how I got my ring?

360. Because I think that's why we're in goddamn Nebraska.

361. I was a couple years into being a test pilot.

362. You know, middle of the night,

363. I'm sleeping off about nine too many,

364. still had my boots and jeans on.

365. All of a sudden, my room starts to vibrate.

366. I open my eyes,

367. and I'm in a big fucking bubble.

368. A big fucking green bubble.

369. This green bubble floats me up out of bed.

370. Next thing I know, there's a voice

371. running through my entire body,

372. bones, teeth, heart, the whole deal.

373. And it says to me...

374. "Are you afraid?"

375. I say, "No.

376. I'm not afraid."

377. Wham!

378. Yanks me out the window across the sky

379. like a fish getting reeled in.

380. Couple hundred miles in about ten seconds.

381. I fly fighter jets.

382. I have an excellent sense of airspeed and bearing.

383. That's how I know exactly

384. where that green bubble set me down.

385. Nebraska.

386. Not more than 20 miles from where we sit right now.

387. Which is middle of fucking nowhere.

388. Thus, an excellent place to crash a spaceship.

389. There he was.

390. Right in front of me.

391. The pilot.

392. Bonafide fucking alien.

393. Pink and bald, coughing up glow-in-the-dark blood.

394. It was pretty fucking intense.

395. Hey, you think you're funny?

396. So Pinko starts talking.

397. And it comes out all clicks and gurgles.

398. He's dying.

399. And he gives me his ring. This ring.

400. And when I put it on,

401. I can understand every fucking word he says.

402. "My name is Abin Sur,

403. responsible for maintaining the peace and sovereignty

404. of Sector 2814.

405. And this responsibility is now yours,

406. as the ring has chosen you to be my successor."

407. Now, fuck, did I know what sovereignty meant?

408. Hell no, I didn't. And then he said two more words,

409. his last words.

410. And he kind of whispered 'em,

411. so I'm never really sure whether he said "Good luck"

412. or "Ah, fuck."

413. Anyway, it turns out Earth's way off grid,

414. out of their jurisdiction. Galactic fucking backwater.

415. A human getting a ring, isn't it a fucking fluke?

416. The big, blue bosses, they'd never wanted any Lantern

417. coming near our little shithole planet.

418. And that's why my gut always told me

419. that crash was no accident.

420. When it says there's a shitstorm en route,

421. I make sure there's a lookout

422. to tell me when it's fucking coming.

423. The Halogram.

424. Halogram. That's clever.

425. Hmm. Thank you.

426. Hm. It's not that clever.

427. Hey, Jordan! Ass-face!

428. You ignoring me?

429. So help me God, if that song plays one more time,

430. I'm gonna put you inside that fucking jukebox!

431. Hal, I think he's talking to you.

432. Yeah, I hear him.

433. You want to fight?

434. You want to go to jail.

435. You want to go to jail so you can talk to that guy

436. that Mrs. Sheriff doesn't want you to talk to.

437. Not guy.

438. - Alien. - This is a stupid plan.

439. - I've had stupider. - That I do not doubt.

440. All right. Here we go.

441. Look, uh, it's gonna look

442. like they're really kicking the shit out of me,

443. so you're gonna be tempted to jump in,

444. but I need you to stay right here.

445. Will do. You got it.

446. Thanks.

447. Hey, fellas.

448. Tell me something, would you?

449. What the fuck is your problem with roller skates?

450. Look, pretty boy. Show me what you got.

451. Oh, my. You look like my sister.

452. God bless ya. Now what?

453. What the fuck are you talking about?

454. You gonna say yes?

455. He didn't get down on one knee, but a ring's a ring.

456. No, I don't think he wants me to have this ring.

457. Ever.

458. - But he gave it to you. - I reckon he's testing me.

459. Testing you how?

460. Who gives a shit?

461. Come on, bring it on.

462. What are you drinking, stranger?

463. Coke.

464. - Coke and what? - Coke and Coke.

465. Don't tell me you're a teetotaler.

466. No, I'm just...

467. I'm just on the job.

468. Being a space cop.

469. Who told you I was a space cop?

470. I mean, your partner is one.

471. Figured you are too.

472. Uh, he's not my partner. I'm his trainee.

473. How many trainees does he have?

474. - Just me. - Why'd he pick you?

475. He didn't. Our bosses did.

476. Space cops have bosses?

477. Come on, ev— everybody's got bosses, you know?

478. So, once you're trained,

479. then you're an official space cop too?

480. - Well, the way it works is... - Mm-hmm.

481. Earth has one Lantern.

482. So I'm just being trained

483. in case anything happens to Jordan.

484. So you're the backup quarterback.

485. I'm patient.

486. No, you're not.

487. All right, idiots. Break it up!

488. - Get out! - Do I gotta call your mom again?

489. Get out of here. Now!

490. Let's go. Let's go, sweetness.

491. Get him out of here!

492. Yeah, yeah.

493. Nice talking to you, stranger.

494. I'm John.

495. Walk me to my truck, John?

496. You gonna give me a lecture?

497. No.

498. I'm gonna give you a light.

499. Because no comment means no comment.

500. I'm not gonna talk about an active investigation,

501. you know that.

502. Okay.

503. Good.

504. Tell Barb I said hey.

505. I take it you're here to bail out your buddy?

506. Want some coffee?

507. I am, and, um, no thank you.

508. He's in a bit of a mood

509. because I locked him in our broom closet.

510. It's almost as if he wanted to get arrested...

511. so I'd throw him in jail next to the suspect

512. I told him he couldn't talk to.

513. I did tell him it was a stupid plan.

514. You should have told him louder.

515. Well, listen, may I take my stupid friend home?

516. Not until he's arraigned.

517. Really?

518. and eight counts of aggravated assault

519. and resisting arrest.

520. How does the defendant plead?

521. With all due respect, Your Honor, come on.

522. "Come on"?

523. Look, I'm just trying to question a suspect

524. in the course of a very serious investigation,

525. - which I— - Ah, an investigation.

526. Am I to understand, sir,

527. that you are a law enforcement official?

528. And if so, could you kindly state for the record

529. which agency you represent?

530. I'm Green Lantern.

531. I didn't ask who you were.

532. I asked which bureau you are an agent of.

533. I'm Green Lantern,

534. and I'm an agent of...

535. the Green Lantern... s.

536. Look, I introduced myself to Lady Justice back here

537. when I got to the crime scene,

538. and I deferred to her jurisdiction.

539. Is that accurate, Sheriff?

540. Yeah, but the deference was pretty cheeky, Your Honor.

541. You cheeky, Mr. Jordan?

542. Yeah, don't— don't answer that.

543. William Macon for the defense, Your Honor.

544. - Sorry I'm late. - Mr. Macon.

545. The defendant has chosen to represent himself.

546. That's only because he doesn't understand

547. he's being made an example of, which, Your Honor,

548. is absurd given Mr. Jordan is a hero.

549. Granted, he hasn't, uh, formally retained my—

550. - You're hired. He's hired. - Fantastic.

551. The defense enters a plea of not guilty

552. and asks Your Honor to set reasonable bail,

553. even understanding Mr. Jordan is... technically a flight risk.

554. Because...

555. he can fly.

556. Who is this guy?

557. My husband.

558. I'm setting bail at 100,000 dollars.

559. - Oh, come on. - Two hundred thousand.

560. Now you know the price of each "come on," Mr. Jordan.

561. - Shall we try another? - No, that's understood.

562. And thank you, Your Honor.

563. My father will have the check to your clerk by lunch.

564. All right, then. Mr. Jordan, don't leave town.

565. We're adjourned.

566. - Uh, thanks for the save. - Oh, truly an honor.

567. But I tend to find that strangers who give me

568. a couple hundred thousand dollars,

569. no strings attached,

570. usually turn out to be bad guys.

571. Uh, but there are strings attached, Mr. Jordan.

572. My father would love to have supper

573. with you this evening. Um, he's a huge fan,

574. and someone I think you'll find like-minded.

575. What are you doing, Billy?

576. Uh, I was just inviting Mr. Jordan

577. up to the ranch tonight, honey.

578. They're married.

579. Course, they are. Small town, everyone's related.

580. Oh.

581. I'd be offended if that wasn't absolutely true.

582. Billy Macon, you must be John.

583. - Yes, sir. - You like barbecue?

584. Junior here's a vegan.

585. He doesn't believe in anything that causes enjoyment.

586. But we'd love to come to supper.

587. Yeah, well, only if it's okay with the sheriff.

588. The more the merrier.

589. Hmm.

590. Militia?

591. Walks like a duck, shoots an AR-15 like a duck,

592. blah, blah, blah, duck.

593. Evening.

594. - So glad you could make it. - How you doing?

595. Uh, this is our boy, Noah.

596. All right. How you doing, Noah?

597. Noah, this is Mr. Stewart and Mr. Jordan.

598. Noah.

599. Offense or defense?

600. Wherever they need me, sir.

601. Team player. Good man.

602. Oh, sorry. Uh, I got to take this.

603. Uh, Dad's waiting in the kitchen for you gentlemen.

604. Noah, come with me and help Grandma set up.

605. Hey.

606. Yeah.

607. Oh.

608. How about a beer?

609. God, yes.

610. Oh, here.

611. My father-in-law's got paper on you

612. and you haven't even met him yet.

613. He's not a man you want to owe.

614. Hm. Sounds like a woman in debt.

615. It's not too late.

616. You can just fly on home,

617. spare yourself the moment not too long from now

618. when you wish you'd never come to this place.

619. No.

620. Well...

621. Exciting enough Hal Jordan just walked into my kitchen,

622. but with a bag of beer?

623. I'm truly blessed.

624. Least I can do. This is John.

625. John, Will Macon.

626. I'd shake, but my hands are all gunky with meat.

627. Word on the street is you don't partake.

628. Ordered you up some tofu steaks.

629. - Hope that'll do you. - Oh, that's very kind.

630. I appreciate it.

631. And I appreciate your service, sir.

632. Marine sniper. Color me impressed.

633. - Oh, looked me up. - Mm.

634. You didn't look me up?

635. Jesus.

636. Walking into unknown territory, even with a weapon

637. of mass destruction on your finger,

638. that's either trust or arrogance.

639. Well, he's trust. I'm arrogance.

640. I don't trust anybody.

641. Man after my own heart.

642. You got a nice place here, Will.

643. Yeah, it is, isn't it?

644. Alas, not mine. I'm just a caretaker.

645. Mind me asking who you caretake it for?

646. I don't mind at all.

647. Regrettably, my NDA restricts me from discussing

648. or IDing my employer.

649. Because of the government.

650. I'm sorry?

651. The government. I'm guessing the government,

652. they're probably watching your boss,

653. biding their time before they raid this compound,

654. take his guns and rights away.

655. You think we bailed you out so we could enlist you

656. in some whackadoo war with the feds?

657. Well, why else would you bail me out?

658. Because of the goddamn aliens, son.

659. Why the fuck else?

660. Man, the whole world flipped out

661. when you first came on the scene.

662. Makes sense, seeing what you can do.

663. But it kind of buried the lede.

664. There are thousands of planets out there

665. with intelligent life.

666. And here we sit, low-hanging fruit of the galaxy,

667. just waiting to get gobbled up.

668. This land we're on right now, it was Kiowa, then Sioux,

669. but across the ocean boats were coming.

670. Anyways, as someone who's spent time in the galaxy,

671. it's a pretty peaceful place out there.

672. Well, what do they need space cops for?

673. Look, I'm not some isolationist crackpot

674. with his head in the sand,

675. but I am a student of history.

676. Colonization is ugly from any angle,

677. but I tell you, it is particularly bleak

678. if you're the one getting colonized.

679. This all, call it an ounce of prevention.

680. Seems like a bit more than an ounce.

681. My point is,

682. I believe the gentleman cooling his heels

683. in the sheriff's pokey, he's part of an advanced team.

684. And I'd ask you what your reason to believe is,

685. but I'm guessing it's covered by your NDA.

686. My daughter-in-law says you're not that bright.

687. Your daughter-in-law's what's holding me up

688. from talking to that fella.

689. All right. I can clear that brush.

690. In exchange for?

691. Let's eat.

692. You're aiming.

693. Sorry, sir?

694. Don't aim.

695. Just imagine it going through.

696. Try again.

697. Hey, don't— don't force it.

698. Just imagine.

699. Hey!

700. What'd I say?

701. What'd I just say?

702. That was great.

703. How'd you know that?

704. So, my dad used to shoot apples off my head.

705. Grandma!

706. Grandma, I got one through!

707. Show me, sweetheart.

708. You live here?

709. Mm-hmm.

710. Zoe Macon.

711. Now you have my name.

712. Come on, sweetheart. Let's go find everyone.

713. - All right. - Come on.

714. Well, we drank all your beer,

715. but put together some leftovers for you.

716. - Much obliged. - And I talked to Kerry.

717. Since you and I have common interests,

718. she's willing to let you chat with the suspect

719. first thing in the morning.

720. Well...

721. You know, that's the thing, Will.

722. I don't know what your interests are.

723. Two of my boys almost got killed last night

724. in a shootout with men no one's ever seen before.

725. How about we both want to protect the planet

726. from anybody not born on it?

727. Hope I didn't mess up your tofu, soldier.

728. No, sir.

729. It was delicious.

730. Good.

731. Nothing better than eating off another man's grill.

732. Good night, gentlemen.

733. Hey.

734. What was that all about?

735. I might have slept with his wife.

736. Might have?

737. I definitely slept with his wife.

738. And he knows?

739. Apparently.

740. Jesus Christ, we've only been here 24 hours.

741. I'm impressed.

742. We said 9:00.

743. What time is it?

744. Not 9:00.

745. His name's Waylon Sanders.

746. Commercial-licensed truck driver. Called his boss,

747. says he's worked for him almost five years now.

748. Mm-hmm. Aliens are good at getting IDs

749. and paying people to lie for them.

750. He's just a dipshit from Kimball.

751. They took X-rays at the hospital for his busted nose.

752. All organs accounted for. No hidden antennas.

753. The plural for antenna is antennae.

754. What's the plural for eat shit?

755. Junior, tell the sheriff here how many species currently

756. have the technology to pass as human.

757. Fourteen. MRIs, X-rays, blood work.

758. Nothing down here can tell the difference.

759. - So you can't prove it. - I can make him confess.

760. If you lay a finger on him,

761. you're back in front of the judge.

762. That includes whacking him with giant green phone books

763. or whatever you magic up from your conjuring ring.

764. I wouldn't dare.

765. Ten minutes.

766. I only need five.

767. - Am I'm coming in with you? - You are not.

768. Alien my ass.

769. You know, we're all aliens.

770. Just depends which planet you're standing on.

771. Would you like a cup of coffee?

772. - No, thank you. - All right.

773. Yeah, I imagine you just want to phone home, or...

774. - get home, I bet. - Yes, sir.

775. And home is Kimball?

776. Well, I mean, I'm on the road most of the year,

777. but Kimball's where I hang my hat. Yes, sir.

778. "Hang your hat."

779. What a delightful human expression.

780. And, uh, well, if you're in town for the big game,

781. it must be a big rivalry.

782. I mean, uh, Kimball's, what,

783. that's a two, two-and-a-half-hour drive?

784. Yeah, sorry about that.

785. I just, you know, I— I love football, though,

786. and, uh, it's the home team.

787. Yeah. I love football, too.

788. When did Nebraska win its first national championship?

789. - Sorry? - Uh...

790. You love football. You're from Nebraska.

791. Huskers' first championship, when was that?

792. - Yeah, it was 1970, Bob Devaney. - That is correct.

793. How about their first 200-yard rusher?

794. Uh...

795. - Frank Solich? - First Heisman winner?

796. - Johnny Rodgers. - That's it.

797. Where did Harry Potter go to school?

798. Excuse me?

799. Harry Potter, boy wizard. What was the name of the school?

800. I don't know.

801. It was a book.

802. I don't read a lot.

803. Well, you go to the movies, don't you?

804. They only made, like, 22 of them.

805. Oh, I watch a lot of football.

806. - That's the rub, isn't it? - What?

807. Pretending to be someone that you're not.

808. You learn all the specifics,

809. but you don't learn what everyone else knows.

810. Uh...

811. I don't— I don't understand. Who are you, exactly?

812. Hal Jordan, Green Lantern.

813. Charged by the Guardians of the Universe

814. to protect Sector 2814

815. from all extra-planetary threats.

816. And you, Waylon, are one of them.

817. Good Christ, he really is full of himself, isn't he?

818. Can't be easy,

819. having to learn from someone you don't respect.

820. I do respect him.

821. - Come on. - I do.

822. Why?

823. I don't know. He's fearless.

824. If you care about people,

825. you know, husband, wife, parent, kid,

826. then you're scared of losing them.

827. First time he strutted up to me,

828. I could tell Jordan doesn't care about anybody.

829. And nobody cares about him.

830. He's not fucking fearless.

831. He's lonely.

832. But— But why did you stick around?

833. What were you looking for?

834. I mean, I get once I showed up,

835. you couldn't run. You had to blend in.

836. But before that...

837. I just went to a high school football game, man.

838. With the other Kimball fans who are all dead now.

839. I don't know them, okay?

840. I told you, I— I drive a truck.

841. Yeah, I'm sure you can tell me a lot

842. about that truck, but I bet you can't tell me

843. about the Boston Tea Party, Kelly Clarkson,

844. Barack Obama, or Rup—

845. Barack Obama is the president of the United States.

846. That's it?

847. As a rural Nebraskan, that's the breadth

848. of your opinion of Barack Hussein Obama?

849. He is the 44th president. He followed George W. Bush.

850. There's some controversy

851. surrounding his birth certificate.

852. Holy shit, you are an alien.

853. Let's say you're right.

854. Oh, fuck.

855. Let's say, hypothetically,

856. that I'm not of this salty, smelly world,

857. a visitor who went to great trouble

858. to hide himself well and learn the arcane rules

859. of pointless contests involving balls

860. that somehow captivate more attention

861. than the deteriorating atmosphere

862. or the hunger of its least fortunate people.

863. If I had gone to such lengths,

864. I would be here for a very important purpose.

865. A purpose that required great discretion and secrecy.

866. A purpose that would need to be kept from the likes

867. of a galactic peacekeeping organization

868. because it concerns the exact opposite of peace.

869. That being war.

870. And as such,

871. if I were to fall into the hands of such an organization,

872. I would be forced to take drastic measures

873. to ensure that my purpose was not revealed.

874. Hypothetically.

875. And hypothetically,

876. what might you have to keep your mouth shut?

877. - A cyanide pill? - You're thinking very small.

878. Then give it to me big.

879. I'd have a biometric neutron device

880. woven into my skeleton.

881. I'd be able to activate it with a thought.

882. Unless you let me walk out that door right now.

883. He's bluffing, right?

884. You're not walking out of here hypothetically or otherwise.

885. And if you do blow yourself up, I'm just gonna bubble up

886. and contain all that sunshine with my ring

887. and walk out of here without a scratch.

888. You've been here 48 hours.

889. Did you bring the lantern to recharge your ring?

890. I have plenty of power.

891. Hmm. But for how much longer?

892. Yeah.

893. You should be asking yourself

894. if I'm capable of releasing enough energy

895. to eradicate this entire town.

896. We talking or exploding? Because it's almost lunchtime.

897. It almost seems like you...

898. want to die, Hal Jordan.

899. Does that not violate your precious oath?

900. "In brightest day and blackest night..."

901. - Don't. - "... no evil

902. - shall escape my sight." - Shut your mouth.

903. "Let those who worship evil's might

904. - beware my power... - I said don't.

905. Green Lantern's light."

906. Harry Potter went to Hogwarts, you ignorant alien fuck!

907. - Are you beeping? - Should we go? We should go.

908. - No, it's too late. - Why are you here?

909. Why else?

910. Vengeance.

911. Told you he was an alien.

912. Look at you. You've barely aged.

913. Liar.

914. How's Noah?

915. Tall. He's on the team now.

916. Quarterback.

917. He any good?

918. All-state.

919. That's good.

920. Anyone else know?

921. Just the groundskeeper.

922. All right.