1. - WE HAVE A MEETING
WITH, LIKE, A SUPER-RICH CLIENT.Copy !req
2. HE'S SO BUSY THAT 6:00 A.M.
IS THE ONLY TIME HE COULD MEET.Copy !req
3. LIZ!
- YEAH?Copy !req
4. - HONESTLY, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP.
- MM-HMM.Copy !req
5. I'M SLEEPY.Copy !req
6. - THIS CLIENT COULD BE THE ONE
WHO CHANGES THE GAME FOR US,Copy !req
7. BECAUSE, HONESTLY,
OUR COMPANY IS OUT OF MONEY.Copy !req
8. THE COMPANY IS IN TROUBLE,
AND I'M GONNA SAVE IT,Copy !req
9. EVEN IF IT MEANS THAT WE HAVE
TO WORK WITH THE DEVIL HIMSELF.Copy !req
10. - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS
CONSULTATION "SCHNARTED," RIGHT?Copy !req
11. - I'M LIZ.Copy !req
12. I BANKRUPTED THE COMPANY,Copy !req
13. AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO GROW UP,Copy !req
14. 'CAUSE I'M LOOKING FOR LOVE.Copy !req
15. - AND I'M LIZ.Copy !req
16. I GOT BANGS!Copy !req
17. - OUR P.R. FIRM
IS CALLED PUBLIZITY.Copy !req
18. - IT'S BASED OFF OUR NAMES.Copy !req
19. - I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
I'M A HUGE FAN OF YOUR SHOW.Copy !req
20. - OH, MY GOD.
- OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
21. - HONESTLY, I'M MODEST.
- YOU GO.Copy !req
22. - I'M, LIKE, BASHFUL.
I'M, LIKE, MODEST.Copy !req
23. - YOU'RE SO SHY AND SMALL,
AND YOU'RE SO LOUD AND HUGE.Copy !req
24. - OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU.Copy !req
25. - I NEED TO DO A FULL CONVERSION
TO JUDAISM,Copy !req
26. AND I NEED IT DONE NOW.Copy !req
27. - OH, WOW.
- THAT'S COOL.Copy !req
28. - EVER SINCE I FLAT-LINED, LIKE,
I JUST LOVE JEWS, YOU KNOW?Copy !req
29. LIKE, THEY'RE SO FUNNY.Copy !req
30. SO I NEED TO BECOME A MAN,
OR WHATEVER,Copy !req
31. SO THAT'S BAR MITZVAH.Copy !req
32. - YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A BAR MITZVAH.Copy !req
33. - SO I'LL LEARN YIDDISHCopy !req
34. AND THEN GET CARRIED AROUND
ON A CHAIR BY MEN.Copy !req
35. - OH, MY GOD,
WELCOME TO THE TRIBE.Copy !req
36. WHAT I'M HEARING
IS THAT YOU WANT TO HAVECopy !req
37. SOMETHING, LIKE, FUN
THAT'S, LIKE, JEW...Copy !req
38. - YOU KNOW, "JEWMANJI."Copy !req
39. - "JEWMANJI."Copy !req
40. - LIKE, RESPECTFUL
TO THE RELIGION OF JUDAISM,Copy !req
41. BUT, LIKE,
ALSO JUST DISGUSTING.Copy !req
42. - JUMANJI IS ONE OF MY FAVORITECopy !req
43. BONNIE HUNT MOVIES
THAT THERE IS.Copy !req
44. - I HAVE TONS OF MONEY.
- MM.Copy !req
45. I NEED TO BE WITH
A SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE MAN,Copy !req
46. SOMEONE WHO'S UPSTANDING,
LIKE WENDY.Copy !req
47. YOU ARE LITERALLY SUCH A STUD.Copy !req
48. IT'S LIKE, WHAT THE HUNK?
- THANK YOU.Copy !req
49. - OH, YEAH.Copy !req
50. - THERE'S GOT TO BE
A CHRISTMAS TREE AT SOME POINT,Copy !req
51. BECAUSE OTHERWISE MY PARENTS
WON'T PAY FOR IT.Copy !req
52. - I THINK IT'S REALLY COOL
THAT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE CHRISTMASCopy !req
53. AT YOUR OWN BAR MITZVAH,
BECAUSE, LIKE, HONESTLY,Copy !req
54. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY,
LIKE, WHATEVER I CANCopy !req
55. TO CLOSE THIS DEAL.Copy !req
56. FOR ME,
IT'S A VERY PERSONAL MISSION,Copy !req
57. BECAUSE, LIKE,
I WANT TO RIGHT THE WRONGSCopy !req
58. OF MY OWN BAT MITZVAH,Copy !req
59. WHICH WAS, LIKE, A VERY
TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE FOR ME.Copy !req
60. OH, MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING.
OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
61. - AND THEN I NEED TO GET,
LIKE, BRIS'D OUT.Copy !req
62. I NEED TO CUT MY DICK APART.Copy !req
63. IT'S, LIKE, NO BIG DEAL,Copy !req
64. BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY
A LITTLE DISEASE-Y THERE.Copy !req
65. OVER THE YEARS, MY PENIS
HAS BECAUSE KIND OF "INFARCTED,"Copy !req
66. SO, LIKE, IT'S GONNA BE GOOD
TO JUST CUT IT OFF.Copy !req
67. - HE'S RICH.
HE'S IMPOTENT.Copy !req
68. I'M INTERESTED.Copy !req
69. - OH, MY GOD,
I JUST HAD AN AMAZING IDEA.Copy !req
70. WENDY SHAWN, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A BRIS MITZVAH.Copy !req
71. - WHAT?
- OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
72. - YOU JUST COME UP WITH THAT?
- MM-HMM.Copy !req
73. WE'LL GET THE DOCTOR OR RABBI
TO PERFORM THE BRIS HISSELF.Copy !req
74. - RIGHT.
- OH, NO.Copy !req
75. MY GIRLFRIEND'S GONNA
PERFORM THE BRIS—Copy !req
76. A GORGEOUS JEWESS.Copy !req
77. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GETTING
CHUBBED UP BY A JEW.Copy !req
78. - I THINK HE'S HAVING
A REAL "BARKTHROUGH."Copy !req
79. - WOULD YOU HONOR ME
BY LETTING ME TAKE YOU OUTCopy !req
80. TO L.A. DELI TO GET A NOSH?Copy !req
81. - OH, MY GOD, "CONGRATURITOS."Copy !req
82. - YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND'S
GONNA DO IT.Copy !req
83. - THE WHOLE THING IS ABOUT HER.Copy !req
84. I'M KIND OF PROPOSING TO HER
AFTER I CONVERT.Copy !req
85. - OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.Copy !req
86. SO, LIKE, YOU HAVEN'T
LOCKED IT DOWN YET.Copy !req
87. LIKE, YOU HAVEN'T ASKED
THAT SPECIFIC JEWISH WOMAN.Copy !req
88. LIKE, YOU COULD ASK
ANOTHER JEWISH WOMAN.Copy !req
89. LIKE, THERE ARE, LIKE, DIFFERENT
JEWISH WOMEN, LIKE, AROUND.Copy !req
90. - THIS IS GONNA BE SO "FARN."Copy !req
91. - WHA—
- DID YOU SAY IT WAS "FARN"?Copy !req
92. - W-WAIT?Copy !req
93. - "FARN."Copy !req
94. - OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
95. ARE YOU CIRCUMCISED?Copy !req
96. - I AM NOT CIRCUMCISED.Copy !req
97. UNCIRCUMCISED GUY HERE.Copy !req
98. MY PENIS IS A LITTLE,
TINY WHITE SHRIMP,Copy !req
99. AND IT'S GOT A TURTLENECK ON.Copy !req
100. - HAS A GIRL EVER BEEN
SURPRISED BY IT?Copy !req
101. - NO.Copy !req
102. THEY'RE NOT, LIKE,
FULL OF JOY OR ANY—Copy !req
103. WELL, THEY DON'T—Copy !req
104. - WHAT DO YOCopy !req
105. - I SEE A DEAD GIRL
IN THE TRASH.Copy !req
106. - PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK
YOU'RE THE ONECopy !req
107. KILLING THESE DEAD GIRLS.Copy !req
108. - SOMETIMES I WISH IT WAS.Copy !req
109. CRAZY COUPLE YEARS,Copy !req
110. WITH ALL THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE
GETTING MURDERED.Copy !req
111. THAT GIRL'S DEAD.Copy !req
112. THIS GIRL'S DEAD.Copy !req
113. THAT GIRL'S DEAD.
THAT GIRL'S DEAD.Copy !req
114. - WE ALREADY KNOW THEY'RE DEAD.Copy !req
115. - I'M TELLING YOU,
THESE ARE ALL CONNECTED.Copy !req
116. - AW, GIVE ME A FLIPPIN' BREAK.Copy !req
117. - WHY DON'T YOU COME
OVER TO MY PLACECopy !req
118. FOR A NICE HOME-COOKED MEAL
WITH ME AND MY FAMILY, HMM?Copy !req
119. - HE'LL BE THERE.Copy !req
120. THAT'S AN ORDER.Copy !req
121. - SO, LOGAN,
I HOPE MY DAUGHTER HERECopy !req
122. ISN'T GIVING YOU
TOO MUCH TROUBLE.Copy !req
123. - YEAH, AS LONG
AS SHE'S NOT THE ONECopy !req
124. MURDERING ALL THOSE GIRLS.Copy !req
125. - UGH.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.Copy !req
126. ALL THE GIRLS IN HIS FAMILY
ARE DEAD.Copy !req
127. - TIMES TWO.Copy !req
128. - AREN'T YOU GONNA
EAT SOMETHING?Copy !req
129. - YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE
A LIQUID DINNER TONIGHT.Copy !req
130. SHH.Copy !req
131. P'TT.Copy !req
132. - GOT ANOTHER AMBER ALERT?Copy !req
133. - NO, AN AUTOPSY REP—Copy !req
134. OH, YEAH, AND ANOTHER
AMBER ALERT.Copy !req
135. - NO PHONES AT THE TABLE.Copy !req
136. - HEY, NOT SO FAST.
- OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
137. - "OH, MY GOD," IS RIGHT.
THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER MURDER.Copy !req
138. WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW.Copy !req
139. - LET'S GO.Copy !req
140. - YOU KNOW WHO YOU REMIND ME OF?Copy !req
141. - WHO?Copy !req
142. - MY TWO DEAD DAUGHTERS.Copy !req
143. - THIS IS YOUR BACHELOR PARTY?Copy !req
144. - THIS IS JUST A CEREMONIAL
CLEANSING THAT WE HAVECopy !req
145. FOR THE JEWISH CULTURE.Copy !req
146. - IT'S CALLED A MIKVEH.Copy !req
147. - YEAH, I KNOW
WHAT A MIKVEH IS,Copy !req
148. BUT I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE
SUPPOSED TO HAVE ITCopy !req
149. IN PARTY SUITES.Copy !req
150. - SO EVERYTHING'S IN PLACE.Copy !req
151. - YOU'RE GONNA SLICE
YOUR "PERNIS"?Copy !req
152. - I JUST NEED ONE LAST THING.Copy !req
153. ALL I NEED IS YOUR BLESSING.Copy !req
154. - NO.
- COME ON!Copy !req
155. I JUST—EVERYONE'S HERE.Copy !req
156. LIKE, I'M REALLY
STRESSING THE BLESSING.Copy !req
157. - WENDY, YOU'VE BEEN
GIVING MECopy !req
158. FOR BEING HALF-JEWISH
MY WHOLE LIFE.Copy !req
159. - WELL, I'M HALF-SORRY, OKAY?
- SO WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?Copy !req
160. - I WANT TO BE IN THE TRIBE.Copy !req
161. YOU MUST GIVE ME
YOUR "BLARSING."Copy !req
162. - NO.
- GIVE IT TO ME.Copy !req
163. - NO, WENDELL!Copy !req
164. - YEAH, YOUR FAMILY OWNS GLASS.Copy !req
165. WELL, NOW YOU'RE GONNA
EAT GLASS, WENDELL.Copy !req
166. OW!Copy !req
167. CHEAP-SHOTTING LITTLE
JEW.Copy !req
168. AH!Copy !req
169. GIVE...Copy !req
170. ME...Copy !req
171. - AH!Copy !req
172. - YOUR...Copy !req
173. - AH!Copy !req
174. - BLESSING!Copy !req
175. - NOT MY "PARNKY."Copy !req
176. FINE.Copy !req
177. YOU "TARTALLY" HAVE...Copy !req
178. MY "BLARSING."Copy !req
179. UGH.Copy !req
180. - TODA RABA, BABY.Copy !req
181. WEIRD, I DON'T ACTUALLY FEEL
THAT MUCH DIFFERENT.Copy !req
182. SORRY I HAD TO GET
ALL UFC ON YOU.Copy !req
183. - LIZ IS LATE, AND IT MEANSCopy !req
184. I HAVE TO GET EVERYTHING READY
OUT HERECopy !req
185. FOR THE JUDEO-CHRISTIAN-THEMED
JUNGLE AFTER-PARTY.Copy !req
186. - OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.Copy !req
187. - YOU UNDERSTAND, CASSANDRA?Copy !req
188. DO YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND,
HONESTLY?Copy !req
189. 'CAUSE, LIKE, YOU'RE PRETENDINGCopy !req
190. LIKE YOU'RE SAYING WORDS
THAT YOU UNDERSTAND—Copy !req
191. OKAY, THE MENORAH'S HERE.Copy !req
192. SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT,Copy !req
193. BUT YOU JUST NEED TO, LIKE,
FIGURE IT OUT.Copy !req
194. WE BOUGHT TWO TROPICAL PARROTS.Copy !req
195. WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM
FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.Copy !req
196. WE'RE GOING ALL OUT!Copy !req
197. WE BOUGHT THESE BIRDS
FOR ONE DAY OF WORK,Copy !req
198. AND THEN WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO TAKE CARE OF THEMCopy !req
199. FOR, LIKE, 100 YEARS.Copy !req
200. THAT'S HOW COMMITTED WE ARE
AT PUBLIZITYCopy !req
201. TO MAKE AN AMAZING EVENT.Copy !req
202. - WELL, "GO BIG OR GO HOME."Copy !req
203. THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.Copy !req
204. - WHAT YOU ALWAYS SAY?Copy !req
205. WHAT DID SHE JUST ALWAYS SAY?Copy !req
206. - IT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION.
- OH, MY GOD, LIZ.Copy !req
207. LIKE, WHY IS MY BOSS FRIEND
IN TEARS RIGHT NOW?Copy !req
208. LIKE, WHAT DID YOU DO?
- I GOT TO GO.Copy !req
209. - OKAY, GREAT TO SEE YOU,
CASSANDRA.Copy !req
210. - THANKS SO MUCH, CASSANDRA.
GREAT WORK.Copy !req
211. - LIKE, WHERE WERE YOU?Copy !req
212. - HONESTLY, LIZ,
LIKE, THIS IS REALLY HARD,Copy !req
213. FOR ME TO SEE, LIKE,
A NEWLY MINTED,Copy !req
214. LIKE, JEWISH HUNK LIKE WENDY
BECOME PART OF OUR FAITHCopy !req
215. AND THEN, LIKE, PROPOSE
TO SOMEONE WHO'S, LIKE, NOT ME.Copy !req
216. LIKE, THAT'S, LIKE,
VERY "BUTTERSWEET."Copy !req
217. - OBVIOUSLY, OUR COMPANY
WOULD BE MUCH BETTER SERVEDCopy !req
218. IF I WENT INSIDE
TO RUN THE WHOLE EVENT.Copy !req
219. BUT I CAN'T GO IN THERE BECAUSE
OF ALL THE PAINFUL MEMORIESCopy !req
220. I HAVE OF MY OWN BAT MITZVAH.Copy !req
221. I HAD TO, LIKE, CHANGE MY THEME
AT THE LAST MINUTE.Copy !req
222. IT WAS, LIKE, REALLY...Copy !req
223. AND THEN ONE OF THE BOYS
FINALLY DANCED WITH MECopy !req
224. AND SAID I SHOULD HAVE HAD
A BAR MITZVAHCopy !req
225. 'CAUSE I WAS, LIKE,
SO TALL AND MASCULINE.Copy !req
226. MY VOICE CRACKED,
AND THE RABBI LAUGHED AT ME,Copy !req
227. AND SO, LIKE, IT WAS ALL
VERY COMPLICATED...Copy !req
228. OH, COOL.
THE CHRISTMAS TREE'S HERE.Copy !req
229. - OH, COOL.Copy !req
230. - I HAVE SO MANY
UNRESOLVED ISSUES.Copy !req
231. BUT, LIKE, IT DID
GET ME INTERESTEDCopy !req
232. IN, LIKE, EVENT PLANNING.Copy !req
233. HEY.Copy !req
234. HELLO.Copy !req
235. MY FAMILY.Copy !req
236. WELCOME TO MY BRIS MITZVAH.Copy !req
237. TODAY I BECOME A MANISCHEWITZ.Copy !req
238. THIS ISN'T JUST ABOUT
THIS BARACK OBAMULKECopy !req
239. AND THIS TALLIT KWELI.Copy !req
240. SO FUN.
WOW.Copy !req
241. THERE'S ONE MORE THINGCopy !req
242. THAT WILL MAKE ME
A HUNDO PERCENTO JUDAICO,Copy !req
243. AND THAT IS...Copy !req
244. CUTTING MY DICK OFF,
FOR SOME REASON.Copy !req
245. TAKE A PIKACHU
AT WHAT WE'RE DOING, ALL RIGHT?Copy !req
246. BECAUSE THIS IS MY PENIS.Copy !req
247. "JEWMANJI."Copy !req
248. THANKS.
"JEWMANJI,"JEWMANJI."Copy !req
249. THANKS, WEIRDOS.Copy !req
250. - THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
251. PARTNERING WITH A WOMAN
OF JUDAIC ANCESTRYCopy !req
252. HAS SUDDENLY BECOME
INSANELY IMPORTANT TO MECopy !req
253. NOW THAT I WANT
TO JOIN THE TRIBE.Copy !req
254. AND I'M SO, SO HAPPYCopy !req
255. THAT MY PERSONAL
DOCTOR/MOHELCopy !req
256. ALSO HAPPENS TO BE
MY BEST "GOHEL."Copy !req
257. THERE WILL BE A BIG SURPRISE
INVOLVING HERCopy !req
258. AT THE END
OF THIS BRIS MITZVAH.Copy !req
259. I'M GONNA ASK HER
TO MARRY ME.Copy !req
260. THAT'S THE SURPRISE AT THE END
THAT I JUST RUINED.Copy !req
261. - AND CUE THE DOCTOR.Copy !req
262. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...Copy !req
263. MIMI.Copy !req
264. SHE'S GONNA CUT MY DICK
WITH A RAZOR BLADE.Copy !req
265. "HELLAR"?Copy !req
266. - WHERE IS SHE?Copy !req
267. - IS THERE A MOHEL IN THE HOUSE?
COME ON!Copy !req
268. RABBI SHMULEY?
NO?Copy !req
269. SOMEONE'S GOT TO
CUT MY DICK OFF!Copy !req
270. - IT'S A RUNAWAY BRIS.Copy !req
271. IT'S A RUNAWAY BRIS.Copy !req
272. - RUNAWAY BRIS?
- IT'S A RUNAWAY BRIS.Copy !req
273. - OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO RUDE.Copy !req
274. - I GOT THE CALL.
WHERE'S THE PATIENT?Copy !req
275. OHH...Copy !req
276. HELLO.Copy !req
277. - DR. NEURINGER,
YOU'VE BEEN PRANKED.Copy !req
278. - I THOUGHT SOMETHING
REALLY BAD HAD HAPPENED.Copy !req
279. I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A BRIS.Copy !req
280. A BRIS?Copy !req
281. - WELL, TECHNICALLY, IT WAS A
CHRISTMAS BRIS MITZVAH MIRACLE.Copy !req
282. - OH. SURE.
- MM, SURE.Copy !req
283. - YEAH,
FOR MY BOYFRIEND, WENDY.Copy !req
284. - IT SEEMS LIKE YOU MIGHT HAVECopy !req
285. SOME CONFLICTING EMOTIONS
ABOUT THIS.Copy !req
286. - AT MY AGE, I DON'T KNOW
IF LOVE IS REALLYCopy !req
287. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART
OF THE PICTURE.Copy !req
288. - AT HER AGE, SHE DOESN'T HAVE
A LOT OF OPTIONS.Copy !req
289. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.Copy !req
290. I GOT DIVORCED
WHEN I WAS 46 YEARS OLD.Copy !req
291. 46 AND SINGLE.Copy !req
292. WHAT WAS I GONNA DO?Copy !req
293. BUT THEN I SAW A LITTLE AD
IN THE NEWSPAPER,Copy !req
294. JUST ABOUT THAT BIG,Copy !req
295. AND IT SAID, "NUDE MASSAGE."Copy !req
296. FOR 75 BUCKS,
A HAWAIIAN WOMANCopy !req
297. CAME OVER
AND GAVE ME A RUBDOWN.Copy !req
298. AND HER ADULT SON
WOULD WAIT IN THE CAR.Copy !req
299. DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT?Copy !req
300. - LOVE ISN'T PERFECT.Copy !req
301. - LOVE IS POSSIBLE.Copy !req
302. - BUT THERE IS...Copy !req
303. - FRIENDSHIP.Copy !req
304. - FRIENDSHIP.Copy !req
305. - FRIENDS ARE THE FAMILY
THAT WE CHOOSE.Copy !req
306. - WE CHOOSE YOU.Copy !req
307. - THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU GUYS.Copy !req
308. - AND NOW WE WANT YOU
TO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE.Copy !req
309. - TOO MUCH TUNA.Copy !req
310. - NOW, BRING IT IN,
NOW, NOW, NOW.Copy !req
311. - IT'S SO BIG.Copy !req
312. - I MEAN, LOOK HOW STUPID
THAT BREAD LOOKSCopy !req
313. ON TOP OF THAT BIG MOUNTAIN
OF TUNA FISH.Copy !req
314. - WHY DID YOU ORDER IT?Copy !req
315. - I DIDN'T ORDER IT.
YOU GUYS PRANKED ME AGAIN.Copy !req
316. - YOU'RE DUMB AS A DOG.Copy !req
317. - DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO'S HAD
AN ADULT CIRCUMCISION?Copy !req
318. - I DO. I KNEW SOMEONE
WHO WAS DATING SOMEONECopy !req
319. AND WANTED HIM
TO BE CIRCUMCISED,Copy !req
320. AND HE DID IT.Copy !req
321. - AND ARE THEY STILL TOGETHER?
- NO.Copy !req
322. - THEY BROKE UP
A LITTLE BIT AFTER.Copy !req
323. - YOU'RE JEWISH, RIGHT?
- OF COURSE.Copy !req
324. - WHY DON'T YOU JUST
CUT MY DING-DONG?Copy !req
325. - ME?Copy !req
326. - I'VE GOT TO PROPOSE
TO SOMEONE TODAY.Copy !req
327. - HANG TIGHT, EVERYONE.Copy !req
328. - AHH.Copy !req
329. - I FEEL LIKE I'M LOOKING
AT A BASKETCopy !req
330. OF DIFFERENT-SHAPED BREAD.Copy !req
331. - SOME PENISES LOOK
LIKE PIZZA DOUGH, OKAY?Copy !req
332. - YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T DO THIS. I'M SORRY.Copy !req
333. - WHAT?
- I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.Copy !req
334. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T?Copy !req
335. - I GUESS IT'S TIME
FOR DR. ARMONDCopy !req
336. TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE.Copy !req
337. - OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
338. DR. ARMOND!Copy !req
339. - I WAS ACCUSED
OF MURDERING MY WIFE.Copy !req
340. - FREEZE!
- SHE HAS NO PULSE.Copy !req
341. I LOST MY REPUTATION,
MY MONEY,Copy !req
342. AND I DAMN NEAR LOST MY MIND.Copy !req
343. AND THE ICING ON THE CAKECopy !req
344. WAS THAT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE,
SHANNON, WAS STILL ALIVE.Copy !req
345. THE ONLY PROBLEM—
I WASN'T.Copy !req
346. SOME PEOPLE THINK I'M A GHOST,Copy !req
347. BUT REALLY, I'M JUST AN ANGEL
PLAYING CUPID,Copy !req
348. AND I'M HAVING THE TIME
OF MY AFTERLIFE,Copy !req
349. BECAUSE
ARMOND IS EVERYWHERE.Copy !req
350. - HOW ARE YOU, KIDDO?Copy !req
351. - WELL, IT'S NOT FUN FOR ME,Copy !req
352. LIKE, NOT KNOWING HOW
TO CUT OFF,Copy !req
353. LIKE, THE VERY "T"
OF THIS GUY'S "D."Copy !req
354. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?Copy !req
355. - DOING A CIRCUMCISION IS EASY.
IT'S JUST LIKE NEUTERING A DOG.Copy !req
356. - OH.Copy !req
357. - EXCUSE ME, IT'S NOTHING
LIKE NEUTERING A DOG.Copy !req
358. - NO?Copy !req
359. - YOU'LL HAVE
TO EXCUSE ME, LIZ.Copy !req
360. IN THE AFTERLIFE, MY BRAIN
GETS A LITTLE BIT CLOUDY,Copy !req
361. 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE I LIVE.Copy !req
362. - I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS DEAD.Copy !req
363. - DON'T YOU KNOW THAT ANYTIME
YOU CARE ABOUT A GIRL,Copy !req
364. ANOTHER GIRL DIES?Copy !req
365. - WE'RE CLOSED.
YOU CAN'T BE HERE.Copy !req
366. - MY WHOLE FAMILY'S DEAD GIRLS,Copy !req
367. SO I GO WHEREVER
THE HECK I WANT.Copy !req
368. ADMIT IT.Copy !req
369. YOU'RE THE ONE KILLING
ALL THOSE DEAD GIRLS.Copy !req
370. - WHAT GIRLS?Copy !req
371. - THOSE GIRLS.Copy !req
372. - WHAT?Copy !req
373. NOTHING'S AS IT SEEMS.Copy !req
374. AM I RIGHT, HALL?Copy !req
375. GUESS I REALLY CARED
ABOUT HER.Copy !req
376. I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE A DAUGHTER
AND I NEVER MEET HER...Copy !req
377. WHEW...Copy !req
378. 'CAUSE SHE'LL BE DEAD IN A WEEK.Copy !req
379. BOY, THIS DAY JUST GOT
REALLY CRUMMY.Copy !req
380. - HAVE YOU WATCHED ALL
OF DEAD GIRL TOWN YET?Copy !req
381. - UH, I'M TWO EPISODES AWAY
FROM THE END OF DEAD GIRL TOWN.Copy !req
382. - AND WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR?Copy !req
383. WHAT DO YOU THINK'S
GONNA HAPPEN?Copy !req
384. - I THINK THE GIRLS ARE GONNA
END UP BEING ALIVE.Copy !req
385. - REALLY?Copy !req
386. IS THERE ANYTHING ON THE WEB
ABOUT IT YET OR NO?Copy !req
387. - I WILL READ RECAPS,Copy !req
388. 'CAUSE I MISS STUFF
IN THE EPISODE,Copy !req
389. BUT I STAY AWAY FROM SPOILERS.Copy !req
390. - DO YOU READ RECAPS FOR REAL
IN REAL LIFE OR NO?Copy !req
391. - YEAH.
- YOU DO?Copy !req
392. - I ACTUALLY TAKE GREAT PLEASURE
FROM IT.Copy !req
393. - I AM NOT A DETAIL GUY.
- MM-MM.Copy !req
394. - I AM NOT INTERESTED
IN DETAILS.Copy !req
395. - YEAH, ME NEITHER.
ENJOY OUR SHOW.Copy !req
396. - YEAH.Copy !req
397. - I LOVE MY BABY SO MUCH.Copy !req
398. OKAY, WE GOT THIS, DUCCA.Copy !req
399. - YES, WE DO, ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
400. I'VE GOT YOUR BACK.Copy !req
401. - OKAY, I GOT YOUR BACK, DUCCA.Copy !req
402. OKAY, WHAT'S UP?Copy !req
403. - OH, MY GOD, C-CZAR,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?Copy !req
404. - THIS SPOT'S CRAZY
AS HELL, MAN.Copy !req
405. - RIGHT NOW I'M OBVIOUSLY
AT WORK,Copy !req
406. ABOUT TO, LIKE, CHOMP OFFCopy !req
407. A LITTLE FLAP OF SKIN
OFF OF THIS GUY'S BOINKER.Copy !req
408. - THIS DUDE?
- HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?Copy !req
409. - THIS DUDE'S STRAIGHT UP
THE DEVIL, Y'ALL!Copy !req
410. - YOU ROCK.
YOU'RE HILARIOUS.Copy !req
411. I INTRODUCED HIM TO COKE
LAST YEAR.Copy !req
412. - HONESTLY, C-CZAR, LIKE,Copy !req
413. YOU'RE, LIKE,
BEING VERY JEALOUS.Copy !req
414. - NO, I CAN CONFIRM.Copy !req
415. HE IS THE DEVIL.Copy !req
416. - MAY I SHARE WITH YOU
SOME FACTSCopy !req
417. ABOUT MALE GENITAL MUTILATION?Copy !req
418. CIRCUMCISION IS
AN ELECTIVE SURGERY,Copy !req
419. AND IT HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN
TO BE MORE SANITARY.Copy !req
420. - IT IS MORE SANITARY.Copy !req
421. - IT IS NOT MORE SANITARY.Copy !req
422. - I BET YOU CAN'T EVEN
FEEL PAIN.Copy !req
423. - YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT PAIN?Copy !req
424. I KNOW NOTHING
BUT PAIN.Copy !req
425. I WAS 90% FORESKIN
WHEN I WAS BORN.Copy !req
426. - YOU'RE AN ANTI-SEMITE.Copy !req
427. - A BOY SHOULD LOOK
LIKE HIS FATHER.Copy !req
428. - THIS IS BOB DUCCA, EVERYBODY!Copy !req
429. - HI.Copy !req
430. - DON'T DEBASE YOURSELF.Copy !req
431. THIS GUY'S GOT NO SOUL.Copy !req
432. - NOW YOU COME IN HERE, RIGHT?Copy !req
433. AND IT'S JUST LIKE,
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?Copy !req
434. LIKE, AM I GONNA PICKCopy !req
435. THIS, LIKE, VERY RICH,
SCARY PERSONCopy !req
436. WHO, LIKE, DOESN'T KNOW MY NAMECopy !req
437. AND, LIKE, WOULD PROBABLY
LET ME DIE ON A HIKE?Copy !req
438. - DEFINITELY LET YOU DIE.Copy !req
439. - THIS YEAR'S BEEN CRAZY.Copy !req
440. I MEAN, WE STRAIGHT UP
HAD A BABY.Copy !req
441. AND THE BABY'S NAME
ISN'T SKYLORD.Copy !req
442. - WHAT?Copy !req
443. - AND IT'S NOT PINNOCHLIO.Copy !req
444. - OH.Copy !req
445. - MAYBE IT'S TIME WE CALLED HIM
PINNOCHLIORD.Copy !req
446. OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
447. - 'CAUSE IT'S A COMBINATION
OF THE TWO NAMES THAT WE LOVE.Copy !req
448. - HONESTLY,
YOU KEEP IT EXCITING.Copy !req
449. AND, LIKE, FOR ME,Copy !req
450. YOU GOT ME, LIKE,
WHERE IT HURTS.Copy !req
451. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE, RIGHT IN THE HEART.Copy !req
452. - I'M C-CZAR.Copy !req
453. - OH.
NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M LIZ.Copy !req
454. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
455. - I LIKE HOW YOU LOOK.Copy !req
456. WITH RON FUNCHES—
SHOUT-OUT TO RON FUNCHES.Copy !req
457. - HEY, RON.Copy !req
458. - YOU STRAIGHT UP
BLAP-BLAP-BLAP HERE.Copy !req
459. - DO YOU EAT A LOT
OUT OF VENDING MACHINES?Copy !req
460. - I LOVE CANDY FOR DINNER.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?Copy !req
461. AND, LIKE, YOU'RE ALWAYS,
ALWAYS...Copy !req
462. I LOVE YOU.Copy !req
463. YOU'RE BLAP-BLAP-BLAP
RIGHT HERE.Copy !req
464. I'LL ALWAYS PROVIDE
FOR PINNOCHLIORD AND FOR YOU,Copy !req
465. BUT I ALSO PROMISE, LIKE,Copy !req
466. I'LL STRAIGHT UP
EAT YOURCopy !req
467. AND, LIKE, CLEAN THAT FLOWER
WHENEVER I CAN.Copy !req
468. I'LL EAT YOUR.
- OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
469. - I'LL DO EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?Copy !req
470. - I DO.Copy !req
471. - LIKE, ME, YOU AND
PINNOCHLIORD, WE A FAMILY.Copy !req
472. BOB DUCCA'S IN THE FAMILY,
STRAIGHT UP.Copy !req
473. - YOU'RE CUTE. IT'LL WORK.
- LET Y'ALL EAT CAKE.Copy !req
474. THAT'S MY CATCHPHRASE.Copy !req
475. NEVER FORGET YOUR ROOTS!Copy !req
476. BLAP-BLAP-BLAP!Copy !req
477. - HAVE FUN AT "JEWMANJI,"
EVERYONE!Copy !req
478. - OKAY, THAT WAS "MENORABLE,"Copy !req
479. BUT WE GOT SOME BRIS-NESS
TO ATTEND TO.Copy !req
480. WHO'S GONNA CLIP THE TIP?Copy !req
481. ALL RIGHT, BRIS KRINGLE.Copy !req
482. ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING OR...?Copy !req
483. WHY DON'T YOU JUST
WAIT ONE SEC?Copy !req
484. OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
485. AH!Copy !req
486. I'M JEWISH!Copy !req
487. - JUMANJI'S SUING US
FOR USING THEIR FONT.Copy !req
488. SO, AT THE END OF THE DAY,
PUBLIZITY GOT STIFFED.Copy !req
489. - THIS COMPANY IS DONE-ZO.Copy !req
490. - I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE, LIKE,
PACKING UP PUBLIZITY.Copy !req
491. PACKING UP PUBLIZITY
IS REALLY HARD,Copy !req
492. BECAUSE, LIKE...Copy !req
493. I HATE PACKING.Copy !req
494. - IT'S TIME FOR ME...Copy !req
495. TO TAKE A WORD OF ADVICE
FROM YOUR BANGS...Copy !req
496. AND GROW.Copy !req
497. - FROM LIZ GETTING PREGNANT
TO ME...Copy !req
498. GETTING BANGS,Copy !req
499. LIKE, WE'VE GROWN SO MUCH.Copy !req
500. - WHO CAN NEVER KNOW,
LIKE, WHAT WILL BE TOLD?Copy !req
501. AND THAT IS THE STORY
THAT, LIKE, I WILL DISCOVERCopy !req
502. WHEN MY PATH UNFOLDS ON IT.Copy !req
503. - I'M GOING BACK
TO PHILA-ELPHIA NOW,Copy !req
504. BECAUSE, LIKE,
THAT'S WHERE MY FAMILY IS.Copy !req
505. AND I'M GONNA, LIKE,
GO TO THE POCONOS,Copy !req
506. AND, LIKE,
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE,Copy !req
507. I'M GONNA WORK HARD...
AT HAVING FUN.Copy !req
508. - OH, MY GOD, LIZ, LIKE,Copy !req
509. I LOVE TO HAVE FUN.Copy !req
510. AND THE FACT THAT YOU'RE GONNA
WORK HARD AT HAVING FUN...Copy !req
511. THAT'S WHAT MEANS
THE WORLD TO ME.Copy !req
512. - OH, GOD, LIZ.
- WHAT?Copy !req
513. - I'M, LIKE, CRYING.Copy !req
514. - DON'T YOU MOOSE OUT
ON ME NOW, LIZ.Copy !req
515. - ONE THING THAT
I LEARNED FROM YOU IS...Copy !req
516. - [continues squealing
indistinctly]Copy !req
517. - MM.Copy !req
518. THIS HAS BEEN SUCH
AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE.Copy !req
519. - OUR BUSINESS
HAS BEEN AMAZING.Copy !req
520. - WE'RE ALWAYS GONNA BE TOGETHER
IN THAT OUR NAMES ARE THE SAME.Copy !req
521. NEVER FORGET THAT.Copy !req
522. - I LOVE YOU, LIZ.Copy !req
523. - I LOVE YOU, LIZ.Copy !req
524. - I GOT ONE OF YOUR FEATHERS
IN MY MOUTH.Copy !req
525. GOOD-BYE.Copy !req
526. - BYE, PUBLIZITY.Copy !req
527. - GO.Copy !req
528. YOU LOOK AMAZING.Copy !req
529. - THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK AMAZING.Copy !req
530. - MEH, MEH, MEH, MEH.Copy !req
531. - WHA-EET, WHA-EET, WHA-EET.Copy !req
532. - MEH, MEH.
- WHA-EET.Copy !req
533. - HA HACopy !req
534. GOOD AT BIZNESS.Copy !req
535. - A BOY SHOULD LOOK
LIKE HIS FATHER.Copy !req