1. - Stay hidden until
I give you the signal.Copy !req
2. - Why?
- 'Cause I think you're
gonna freak people out.Copy !req
3. - Hi, Mom. I'm home.Copy !req
4. Wade,
my little hamentashen!Copy !req
5. How long has it been?Copy !req
6. Well, I can tell you exactly
how long it's been.Copy !req
7. Two years, three months,
and 13 days.Copy !req
8. - Not that I'm marking
my calendar.Copy !req
9. Clearly. Uh, listen, Mom,
it's good to be home.Copy !req
10. I-I do have something to...Copy !req
11. 'Sup, Wade?Copy !req
12. - 'Sup, Wanda?
- I gotta tell you.Copy !req
13. If you're back here because
you lost your squad car again,Copy !req
14. you wanna borrow Mom's Volvo,Copy !req
15. mm, don't bother.Copy !req
16. Volvo is too much car
for you anyways.Copy !req
17. - Wanda...
- Maybe you should just stick
to embarrassing yourselfCopy !req
18. on the little baby scooter
you've been taking
on duty instead.Copy !req
19. - Wanda!
- Know what's embarrassing?Copy !req
20. - What?
- You wearing
a windbreaker inside.Copy !req
21. - Oh, Wade.
- There's no wind in here.
That's insane!Copy !req
22. I bet my whole life is insane
to a local cop like youCopy !req
23. 'cause I'm out there
breaking cases, dude.Copy !req
24. I'm going undercover.Copy !req
25. I'm working for
the FBI...!Copy !req
26. What is that?
Why do you say it like that?Copy !req
27. That's how everybody
in the FBI says it.Copy !req
28. Then they should
reprint the jackets.Copy !req
29. That would be so dumb,
Wade.Copy !req
30. Why are you here?
Why is she here?Copy !req
31. Yo! I'm here protecting
the SODOTOTUS.Copy !req
32. Okay...Copy !req
33. That's the Secretary of
the Department of Transportation
for the United States.Copy !req
34. He's rolling in,
and I'm working his 'cade.Copy !req
35. That means motorcade.Copy !req
36. That's what we call it in
the FBI because it savesCopy !req
37. valuable seconds
so we can save more lives.Copy !req
38. - Mm-hmm.
- Are we done?Copy !req
39. - Mm-hmm.
- Mom, I need
to tell you something.Copy !req
40. - I, uh, brought someone here.
- Oh.Copy !req
41. - Oh! A friend?
- Yes... Oh, well—Copy !req
42. - A girlfriend?
- Mm...Copy !req
43. - Is she Jewish?Copy !req
44. Great Matriarch of
the Whipple clan.Copy !req
45. I bow my head to you
in respect,Copy !req
46. and I thank you for
giving us safe harborCopy !req
47. in our time of need.Copy !req
48. - Oh...Copy !req
49. Probably shoulda opened with
your introduction in retrospect.Copy !req
50. - It's okay. I'm good. I'm fine.Copy !req
51. So... he's from space.Copy !req
52. Allegedly.Copy !req
53. Yes.Copy !req
54. I do apologize for fainting.
It was very rude of me.Copy !req
55. You're my guest.
Welcome to our home.Copy !req
56. - We will not be here long.
- Yeah, maybe just the night,Copy !req
57. and then we'll be
outta your hair.Copy !req
58. Yo, I don't care
who this guy is,Copy !req
59. I'm still gonna have to
check him for weapons.Copy !req
60. - You dare draw a weapon on me?Copy !req
61. What is this sorcery?Copy !req
62. Wade... Wade!Copy !req
63. - You have
a metal detector on youCopy !req
64. - even when you're not on duty?
- I'm never not on duty, bro.Copy !req
65. - Damn, that's a good line.
- Wanda, he's a guest.Copy !req
66. - Yes, Mom.
- So...Copy !req
67. - Knuchles—
- Knuckles.Copy !req
68. Knuckles.Copy !req
69. - Knuchles! That's what I said.
- Knuckles.Copy !req
70. - Knuchles. Wade...
- You're not saying that. You're
making, like, a "c-h" sound.Copy !req
71. - You're saying "ch."
- Yeah, it's weird.Copy !req
72. - It's like—
It's not like a dessert.
- Knuchles!Copy !req
73. Enough.
I would so love itCopy !req
74. if you would
join us for dinner.Copy !req
75. A ceremonial meal?Copy !req
76. With the Chief
of the Whipple clan?Copy !req
77. It would be my great honor.Copy !req
78. I'll just put out
two extra places.Copy !req
79. - Wait a minute.
It's not... Is it?
- Please.Copy !req
80. Join us for Shabbat dinner.Copy !req
81. - No! No!Copy !req
82. - Let me go!Copy !req
83. - Wade, what is happening?
- We gotta
get outta here.Copy !req
84. For the last few decades,
every single Whipple family
Shabbat dinnerCopy !req
85. has been nothing but deceit,
betrayal, and violence.Copy !req
86. - So, is he Jewish?
- Uh, y-yeah,
on his, uh...Copy !req
87. - Half, I think.
- Uh, mother's side?Copy !req
88. - I was about to say,
I think so.
- Oh good, oh good.Copy !req
89. I don't know why it's important
that it's the mom's side,Copy !req
90. but just say that it is.Copy !req
91. I don't ask you about
the millions of grapes you eat.Copy !req
92. You leave my grapes
out of this.Copy !req
93. - Mom! You made
all of my favorite foods,Copy !req
94. even the ones from the most
obscure Jewish holidays!Copy !req
95. Everything looks so...Copy !req
96. - brown.
- What a feast!Copy !req
97. I am famished,
but where are the grapes?Copy !req
98. They're in the wine, buddy.Copy !req
99. Ah!Copy !req
100. Welcome, everyone. Mm.Copy !req
101. Family members and guests.Copy !req
102. Now... Knuchles.Copy !req
103. I'm not sure
how much you knowCopy !req
104. about the traditions
of the Jewish people.Copy !req
105. I know very little,Copy !req
106. but I admire your tiny hats.Copy !req
107. - Ha.Copy !req
108. And I assume
with a feast like this,Copy !req
109. the epics must tellCopy !req
110. of your great victories
on the battlefield.Copy !req
111. At first glance, I thought you
to be a malnourished weakling.Copy !req
112. - Oh.
- But when you were
cutting that meat,Copy !req
113. I noticed your arms
are quite muscular.Copy !req
114. - Oh.
- Like a warrior!Copy !req
115. Oh! Well.Copy !req
116. Thank you, Knuchles.Copy !req
117. I do Pilates
three times a week.Copy !req
118. - Wade, I like your friend.
- Okay. Weird.Copy !req
119. Shabbat is the day of rest.Copy !req
120. It's about home.Copy !req
121. Every Friday,
for three hours,Copy !req
122. the Whipple family,
whoever's here,Copy !req
123. sits and eats togetherCopy !req
124. until the Shabbat
candles burn out.Copy !req
125. And traditionally,
the women of the home...Copy !req
126. The women of the home
light the candles. Wanda?Copy !req
127. - Meh.
- Wanda, if you could help me.Copy !req
128. No way, Mom!
I'm on a work call.Copy !req
129. SODOTOTUS might go
to Macaroni Grill.Copy !req
130. - Wanda.
- What?Copy !req
131. - No phones at the table.
- It's work, Mom!Copy !req
132. - Alright. I'll do it myself.Copy !req
133. Baruch atah Adonai,Copy !req
134. Eloheinu melech ha'olam,Copy !req
135. - asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav...Copy !req
136. - That's my spoon.
- Mm-mmm.Copy !req
137. That's my spoon.
It's not your spoon.
Your spoon's over there.Copy !req
138. - No, that's Knuckles' spoon.Copy !req
139. - That spoon in your hand
is my spoon.
- Oh.Copy !req
140. - Oh, you know what?
Sorry. That is your spoon.Copy !req
141. Where'd it go?
Hey, Nolan Ryan,
where'd you throw it?Copy !req
142. - It went under the little table.
- Hahaha! So fun!Copy !req
143. - It is. It's awesome.
- So funny!Copy !req
144. - Ugh. It's gross.Copy !req
145. - Alright. Everyone, dig in.Copy !req
146. - So, Knuchles...Copy !req
147. tell me about your family.Copy !req
148. My people were killed
by a race of giant owls.Copy !req
149. - Owls?
- I am now the last of my tribe.Copy !req
150. Oh.Copy !req
151. Our tribe has been through
some tough times, too.Copy !req
152. Minus the giant owls.Copy !req
153. He's basically Jewish.Copy !req
154. - How's the food?
- Mm!Copy !req
155. Delectable! This soup!
- Aw.Copy !req
156. - I've never seen balls so plumpCopy !req
157. and swollen with flavor.Copy !req
158. Yo, your friend is wild.Copy !req
159. And you say this is fish,Copy !req
160. yet it has the consistency
of a wet sponge.Copy !req
161. I cannot stop eating it.Copy !req
162. Gefilte fish.Copy !req
163. One of our planet's
greatest mysteries.Copy !req
164. Oh, let me get you
some more, sweetie.Copy !req
165. - Now,Copy !req
166. tell me about these owls.Copy !req
167. Hey. How'd you get involved
with this weird alien?Copy !req
168. Look, it's not a big deal,
but I've been workingCopy !req
169. with a secret global law
enforcement agency called GUN.Copy !req
170. Actually, you know what?Copy !req
171. - It's a huge friggin' deal.Copy !req
172. There's no government agency
called GUN.Copy !req
173. - That's the fakest name
I've ever heard, Wade.
- Hm.Copy !req
174. Plus, if they were
lookin' for people,Copy !req
175. why would they recruit
a small-time cop like you?Copy !req
176. Look, I can't really
talk about it,Copy !req
177. but I happen to know a guy
who knows a guy
who knows a guy.Copy !req
178. And I'm doing
all this work pro bono,
which means for free.Copy !req
179. - I know.
- It's mostly
international stuff,Copy !req
180. but it does tend to point
sometimes intergalactic.Copy !req
181. Way above
the FBI pay grade,Copy !req
182. so you probably
wouldn't understand.Copy !req
183. No, I knew what it is.
I've heard of GUN.Copy !req
184. I know what it is,
and I actually...Copy !req
185. I actually know
a guy there, too.Copy !req
186. You know someone from GUN?Copy !req
187. Yeah, I do.Copy !req
188. Mm-hmm. What guy
do you know at GUN.Copy !req
189. Jim...Copy !req
190. Jim Gunagent.Copy !req
191. The GUN agent you know
is named Jim Gunagent?Copy !req
192. Yeah. That's right.
Who do you know there?Copy !req
193. Who's your guy?
Oh, who's your guy at GUN?Copy !req
194. - The guy I know is actually...Copy !req
195. also named Jim, uh, Gunagent,Copy !req
196. so I guess we probably
know the same guy.Copy !req
197. Oh. Cool, cool, cool.
So, I guess we both know Jim.Copy !req
198. I guess we both know Jim.
Cool, cool, cool.Copy !req
199. Wade! Did you knowCopy !req
200. that Knuchles almost destroyed
the entire planet,Copy !req
201. and then ended up
helping save it?Copy !req
202. - Yeah, Mom, I was there.
- Oh.Copy !req
203. And I'd gladly do it again,Copy !req
204. should I need to protect
the Master Emerald.Copy !req
205. Oh!
And Wade also contributed.Copy !req
206. Thank you.Copy !req
207. - That's my son.
- Ooh!
Sounds so important.Copy !req
208. I'm just wondering, like,
what'd you do?Copy !req
209. Like, were you
picking up coffees,Copy !req
210. or were you dropping off
their dry cleaning?Copy !req
211. If you must know what I did,
right at the timeCopy !req
212. that the head bad guy
was gonna attack, I said "Hey,"Copy !req
213. and distracted him
for a split second.Copy !req
214. - And then, Sonic really
took care of it.
- Sounds highly unlikely!Copy !req
215. Wanda, back off.Copy !req
216. Mom! I'm just asking what
he did on that day, okay?Copy !req
217. And he's saying
crazy things!Copy !req
218. I don't know why you always
have to side with him!Copy !req
219. Oh, Wade. No, you, too.Copy !req
220. I didn't even say anything!Copy !req
221. Doesn't matter.
I saw it on your face.Copy !req
222. The two of you.
Ugh. I mean, I swear.Copy !req
223. If I could just have
a moment of peace.Copy !req
224. - Ow!Copy !req
225. - You suck. Sor—
- Wade!Copy !req
226. - Language!
- I'm sorry, Mom,
but she sucks so bad.Copy !req
227. - You suck.Copy !req
228. - Ow!Copy !req
229. Mom! You wanna fight?
Let's do this.Copy !req
230. - Okay, let's go.Copy !req
231. So help me God,
do not make me useCopy !req
232. Krav Maga
in my own home!Copy !req
233. - She's right.
- What is this Krav Maga?Copy !req
234. She used to be an instructor.Copy !req
235. Krav Maga,
Israeli self-defense.Copy !req
236. Pretty hardcore stuff.Copy !req
237. I see.
You train warriors as well.Copy !req
238. You know what?
Wh-Whatever, Mother.Copy !req
239. Okay, you can't threaten us
with your Jewish karate chopsCopy !req
240. because I am a federal agent!Copy !req
241. - Okay? I refuse to be
spoken to like thisCopy !req
242. from a local police officer!Copy !req
243. Federal agent this,
federal agent that.Copy !req
244. You know what,
sounds like to meCopy !req
245. someone doesn't
really know Jim Gunagent.Copy !req
246. - Uh, do you?
- Uh, no because
he doesn't exist!Copy !req
247. I knew it! You liar!Copy !req
248. Yeah, you knew it so much,
you walked right into it.Copy !req
249. What did I do
to deserve this?Copy !req
250. How many years of Shabbat
spent alone?Copy !req
251. Now, both my children
are finally home,Copy !req
252. and this is what I get?Copy !req
253. - I'm sorry, Mom. It's—Copy !req
254. - Oh!Copy !req
255. Oh! Ow!Copy !req
256. Oh, God! Oh!Copy !req
257. Oh, I would punch you
in the face right nowCopy !req
258. if you weren't an adult woman
and I wasn't an adult manCopy !req
259. and that is just not accepted.
Oh, I hate you!Copy !req
260. I'm going to my room!Copy !req
261. Of course! Just go.
Leave me here. Alone.Copy !req
262. Just like everyone.
Just like that...Copy !req
263. good-for-nothing schmuck!Copy !req
264. He's not a schmuck.Copy !req
265. He's my dad.Copy !req
266. - Well, I'm glad I came.Copy !req
267. Another classic
Whipple family Shabbat.Copy !req
268. At least I'm not
all alone this time.Copy !req
269. Hey. It's me.Copy !req
270. Round up the guys.
Got us an easy catch.Copy !req
271. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
272. This one's definitely
gonna run home to mama.Copy !req
273. - Um, don't come in here!Copy !req
274. Wade? Are you injured?Copy !req
275. I thought I heard
the quiet sobs of a child.Copy !req
276. I know. I don't know
what you heard because
everything in here is fine.Copy !req
277. I'm just, uh, curled up
in the fetal posish, you know?Copy !req
278. My mental health
has never been better.Copy !req
279. - Your quarters
are fascinating.Copy !req
280. Yeah?Copy !req
281. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
282. My old room.Copy !req
283. - What are these?
- My posters?Copy !req
284. I got all the greats
up there.Copy !req
285. Stallone, Keanu,Copy !req
286. Bryan Adams.Copy !req
287. Gods.Copy !req
288. Ah, yes. I see.Copy !req
289. This is your
pantheon of heroes!Copy !req
290. Yeah. Spent a lot of time
in here alone.Copy !req
291. Mostly dealing with
my childhood abandonment
issues, but...Copy !req
292. And who is this magnificent
and powerful man?Copy !req
293. Oh, that guy?Copy !req
294. "'Pistol' Pete Whipple." Wait.Copy !req
295. This great bowling warrior
shares your family name!Copy !req
296. Yeah.Copy !req
297. That's 'cause he's my dad.Copy !req
298. Your father is the champion?Copy !req
299. He will be
at the tournament?Copy !req
300. Wade Whipple, is this why
we are going to Reno?Copy !req
301. To confront
and dethrone your father?Copy !req
302. This quest only grows
more glorious!Copy !req
303. What? No—Copy !req
304. I didn't know that—
Are you telling—Copy !req
305. Start from the beginning
'Cause wait a minute.Copy !req
306. My estranged father
is also gonna be at
the bowling tournament?Copy !req
307. - That is news to me.Copy !req
308. Uh, definitely didn't
have anything to doCopy !req
309. with my decision-making
process in the matter.Copy !req
310. I see.Copy !req
311. What is this?Copy !req
312. - That?Copy !req
313. - You wanna know what this is?Copy !req
314. This is my old Discman.Copy !req
315. - Plays music.
You wanna see something cool?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
316. "Wadejammerz '99."Copy !req
317. The single best CD
ever to be burned.Copy !req
318. This mix is front-to-back
bangers.Copy !req
319. I wonder if she still works.Copy !req
320. And...Copy !req
321. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
322. Yeah, you don't get quality
like this from the streamers.Copy !req
323. Yeah, this is my jam.
You got to hear this.Copy !req
324. - Hm.Copy !req
325. Ah. What does
that mean exactly?Copy !req
326. To have a jam?Copy !req
327. It's like, um,
your favorite song.Copy !req
328. - I don't understand.Copy !req
329. Like... You don't have
a favorite song?Copy !req
330. No.Copy !req
331. A jam is like something
that pumps you up.Copy !req
332. You know, gets you jacked.Copy !req
333. It gives you the courage
and bravery to do thingsCopy !req
334. that are
out of the ordinary.Copy !req
335. Is it a form of magic?Copy !req
336. It is a bit like magic.
You know,Copy !req
337. I had a friend who, when he
listened to Alien Ant Farm,Copy !req
338. could lift a Toyota Corolla
over his head.Copy !req
339. - Swear to God,
on my mom's life.
- Hm...Copy !req
340. And this mix you made,
it has jams?Copy !req
341. Oh, yeah. "Wadejammerz '99"?
Chock full of 'em.Copy !req
342. You listen to this mix,Copy !req
343. I guarantee you will
be uttering the phrase,
"That's my jam."Copy !req
344. My dad used to say
that all the time.Copy !req
345. Your father. Is he...Copy !req
346. - the "schmuck"
of whom your mother spoke?
- That's the guy.Copy !req
347. And he abandoned you?Copy !req
348. Giving not a second thought
to his own flesh and blood?Copy !req
349. Discarding his only son
like a piece of worthless junk!Copy !req
350. Mm, your phrasing
is rather hurtful, but yes.Copy !req
351. - Every Friday afternoon,
my dad and ICopy !req
352. would drive to
the bowling alley,Copy !req
353. and we'd listen to this mix...Copy !req
354. You know, it was our thing,
until it wasn't, but.Copy !req
355. Hm...Copy !req
356. And who is this?Copy !req
357. Oh. That is... nothing.Copy !req
358. Please don't look at that.
Please don't investigate.Copy !req
359. Now, this is a warrior.Copy !req
360. - Who is this?
- Uh, this is actually, um,Copy !req
361. just a cardboard cutout of, uh,Copy !req
362. Zap from the hit morning show
American Gladiators.Copy !req
363. Ah, yes.Copy !req
364. She definitely belongs
in your pantheon of heroes.Copy !req
365. Yeah, yeah, she was a beast.
I've had her since I was a kid.Copy !req
366. I actually didn't even know
I still owned it though.Copy !req
367. But, what are these little
indentations on her shoulders?Copy !req
368. Uh, nothing! Definitely not
where I hugged her too hard.Copy !req
369. - Dessert!Copy !req
370. - Dessert, everyone!
- Uh, y-you know, y-y-you
should go for dessert.Copy !req
371. I-I'm not really feeling
like it tonight.Copy !req
372. Wade! These marks.Copy !req
373. They seem to be everywhere.Copy !req
374. Okay! Enough time with Zap.
Thank you.Copy !req
375. - Okay.Copy !req
376. I'm sorry you had to hear that.Copy !req
377. - So, I spent the next 14 daysCopy !req
378. wandering through
an alien desert.Copy !req
379. My enemies had ambushed me
and left me for dead.Copy !req
380. Oh, God! Well, listen.Copy !req
381. Joshua wandered
for 40 years,Copy !req
382. lost in the desert,
looking for the Promised Land,Copy !req
383. so big whoop about
your 14 days.Copy !req
384. No offense.Copy !req
385. Is this part of
the Jewish tradition?Copy !req
386. To eat pies of limes
that are keyCopy !req
387. - and watch old movies?
- No, no Jewish. No, no.Copy !req
388. - God no.
- Look, I got money to spend...Copy !req
389. But we do like a good flick.Copy !req
390. This is a Whipple
family tradition.Copy !req
391. Every Shabbat, after dinner,
we'd eat dessertCopy !req
392. and then watch a movie
till the candles burned out.Copy !req
393. It was nice.Copy !req
394. Why has this tradition
been broken?Copy !req
395. Who knows?Copy !req
396. Families, they drift apart.Copy !req
397. Time. Yeah, well,Copy !req
398. I guess this is
what my life is now.Copy !req
399. Empty nester.
It's pitiful.Copy !req
400. You know, every Shabbat,
I light the candles myself.Copy !req
401. I make the dinner,
the whole schmear.Copy !req
402. I even make dessert!Copy !req
403. And then, I sit back
and watch one of my old movies.Copy !req
404. You know, even when
the kids are home,
they can't be bothered.Copy !req
405. Hm...Copy !req
406. I don't understand.Copy !req
407. This young streetwalker
with a heart made of gold.Copy !req
408. Why do the others treat her
with such disdain?Copy !req
409. Is it so wrong
to walk the streets?Copy !req
410. Because they are ignorant
and judgmental, Knuchles.Copy !req
411. But, you wait.Copy !req
412. She'll get the last laugh.Copy !req
413. - I was in here yesterday.
You wouldn't wait on me.
- Oh...Copy !req
414. - You work on commission, right?
- Uh, yes.Copy !req
415. Big mistake. Big. Huge.Copy !req
416. I have to go shopping now.Copy !req
417. I love her.Copy !req
418. Miss you, Dad.Copy !req
419. - Shabbat Shalom.Copy !req
420. Well, that was a bad idea.Copy !req
421. - Ow! Why?Copy !req
422. You got a price
on your head, Whipple.Copy !req
423. And I'm here to collect.Copy !req
424. - What's so funny?
- Oh, nothing.Copy !req
425. You just picked a fight
with the most dangerous
warrior in the galaxy.Copy !req
426. And I'm
his favorite student.Copy !req
427. That's gonna affect resale.Copy !req
428. - We've got company.Copy !req
429. What the heck are you
supposed to be?Copy !req
430. - Your worst nightmare.
- Nice chains, bro.Copy !req
431. You look like you popped
out of a '90s video game.Copy !req
432. - Where do I put the quarter?Copy !req
433. - Smart move, genius!Copy !req
434. You just broke
into a house full of cops.Copy !req
435. You wanna give up now,
or you want me to give you
about 14 seconds?Copy !req
436. - Enough!
- Ah, crap.Copy !req
437. FBI! Oh!Copy !req
438. - Aah!Copy !req
439. Told you, loser.Copy !req
440. - Your move, creeps.Copy !req
441. - Mother Whipple!
- Knuchles.Copy !req
442. Protect the candles
at all costs.Copy !req
443. - Mm.Copy !req
444. - ♪ Uru achim...Copy !req
445. - Mom!
- ♪ Belev sameachCopy !req
446. - Sorry about the, uh, house.
- Mm.Copy !req
447. - You okay?Copy !req
448. - Hm.
- Are you happy?
Did I miss something?Copy !req
449. - My kids finally
came home for Shabbat.Copy !req
450. - The whole family
came together.Copy !req
451. To protect one another,
to care for one another.Copy !req
452. What more
could a mother want?Copy !req
453. Thank you, Knuchles.Copy !req
454. This... is the best damn
Shabbat dinner we ever had.Copy !req
455. Good Shabbos, sweetie.
You, too, darling.Copy !req
456. - Thanks, Mom.
- Good Shabbos, Mom.Copy !req