King of the Hill 5x3

Directed by Dominic Polcino • Adam Kuhlman

Carl Reiner as Garry Kasner (voice) • K Callan as Tilly Hill (voice) • Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • Jill Parker as (voice)

As Hank builds coffins for his family, Bobby struggles with the fact that he's still treated as a child even as Joseph laments how awkward adulthood is for him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Bobby, honey, don't worry.

2. Going to your grandmother's for your birthday

3. is going to be... great!

4. Let's just get this over with.

5. Whoa, what's the matter?

6. Aren't you excited to fly to Arizona?

7. They got the Grand Canyon there.

8. 'Course, you won't be seeing it, but...

9. No, because Grandma thinks baby Bobby might fall in.

10. And, anyway, she's got coloring books of the Grand Canyon.

11. This is my place, Bobby.

12. Home sweet home.

13. Building 42, Living Space K.

14. In case we get separated.

15. I know your birthday's not for another few days

16. but I'm no good at keeping secrets.

17. Happy birthday.

18. A policeman's uniform.

19. "Ages seven and up"?

20. Tooey, Tooey, Tooey

21. Bobby isn't seven years old.

22. He's what? Nine? Ten?

23. I'll be 13 next week.

24. 13! You know, in my religion

25. 13 is your official passage into manhood.

26. It's called a bar mitzvah...

27. or "big party."

28. Is that an Arizona thing?

29. Arizona, New York, Miami...

30. I got so many fancy pen-and-pencil sets

31. I was giving them away for years.

32. Pen-and-pencil set?

33. That is very manly.

34. Can I get a bar mitzvah?

35. I'm willing to celebrate Hanukkah.

36. Trust me, it's more work than you're going to want to put in.

37. I'll tell you what.

38. Tomorrow, you spend the day with me

39. and I'll show you how a man enjoys Arizona.

40. By the time you leave here,

41. you'll have hair on your kishkas.

42. Hey, what you making, Hank?

43. Oh, hey, Bill.

44. I'm making a coffin.

45. - A coffin? - Yep.

46. I was talking to a client the other day

47. about forest fires and I can't remember exactly

48. how the conversation turned to coffins

49. but, well, long story short, I got the bug.

50. Looks nice.

51. This is my bachelor pad.

52. And, for the next week, because you're so old,

53. it's your bachelor pad.

54. My own pad.

55. Oh! I wish my girlfriend was here!

56. She really likes to sit up.

57. Oh? So you got yourself a girlfriend?

58. Yeah. She's on the left.

59. Ah! She's a little slip of a thing.

60. She's got her period already.

61. Ah! Give it 50 years, it'll go away.

62. Who... who's the guy?

63. That's my best friend Joseph.

64. He won't be 13 for a few months.

65. Well, feel free to give your little friend a call.

66. I'll give you some privacy.

67. Whoa! I almost forgot.

68. Use my cart.

69. Count Dracula has thousands of coffins.

70. They say he sleeps in a different coffin every night.

71. I don't know if it's true. It's just what I heard.

72. It sounds true.

73. No, it sounds made up.

74. I don't know.

75. Okay, that should do it.

76. That is a terrible coffin.

77. Mr. O'Connor, I'm Bobby Hill.

78. I live next door to you.

79. I'm having some people over tomorrow night...

80. eightish to whenever.

81. What can I bring?

82. Your appetite and your wife.

83. And some potato salad if she brings her appetite.

84. Honey, do you want butter beans or lima beans?

85. Are you building a coffin?

86. Yep. One for me and one for you.

87. Hank, why doesn't the lid on mine close all the way?

88. Uh... it does.

89. I mean, it almost closes.

90. I'll make sure it closes

91. come the big day.

92. No, Hank, you will build me a new one

93. because if you try to stick the late Peggy Hill

94. in an inferior casket,

95. she will come back to haunt you.

96. I will see to it.

97. Ooh.

98. "To Mr. Bobby Hill." Hmm.

99. Yes!

100. Today I am a man.

101. You know, Joseph is also coming home today from summer camp,

102. so I thought we'd all go out to dinner.

103. We're meeting the Gribbles over at Rattlesnakes.

104. That's nice.

105. Joseph's a good kid.

106. I'm planning on taking him under my wing...

107. like Garry did with me.

108. Joseph?

109. Hey, Bobby.

110. So did you grow mostly in a few nights

111. or evenly throughout the summer?

112. I... I don't know.

113. Hi, I'm Jennifer.

114. How is everyone tonight?

115. Jennifer, we're fantastic.

116. Can I start you out with something to drink?

117. No. I'll take the other menu, like my young friend.

118. Thank you, Jennifer.

119. Bobby, order off the kids' menu while you still can.

120. It's cheaper.

121. I'll have beer.

122. Beer.

123. Beer, Jennifer.

124. Oh, let me guess... beer.

125. - What? Me? - Who? Him?

126. So, can you believe it?

127. He must have put six inches on him.

128. Can you believe it?

129. Hank? Can you?

130. Uh... Peggy, can you believe it?

131. Well, I have to, Dale.

132. I see Joseph right here.

133. You got to see it to believe it.

134. Well put.

135. I could take your order now.

136. Chicken. - Sir?

137. - Chicken. - Okay. Son?

138. Oh. Uh... the chicken, please.

139. Is that the Chicken Wing-Dings

140. or the Chew-Chew Chicken Fingers?

141. Oh...

142. Chew-Chew.

143. Well, how's my little birthday man?

144. You notice I said "man."

145. You also said "little."

146. Bobby, honey, I know you want an adult party

147. and what you need is a professional disc jockey,

148. so guess where I was from 3:10 until 5:00 today?

149. The Learning Annex!

150. Deejay Spaz taught me how to really turn it out.

151. - Mom... - I learned how to scratch...

152. No.

153. and cut and... wipe.

154. I was kind of hoping that you and Dad

155. would stay in the garage during the party.

156. But I have carried the cake in 12 years in a row.

157. All right.

158. It's your father, isn't it?

159. You know, he will be fine if you only want me there, honey.

160. - Mom... - Very well.

161. Let's get your first big mistake as a teenager

162. out of the way.

163. Hey, Joseph,

164. my mom said I could have a six-foot sub for my party.

165. I could use a little help taste testing.

166. I don't have time for this, Bobby.

167. I've got a lot of important stuff to... stow.

168. It's my 13th birthday,

169. and if you want me to sneak you into any PG-13 movies,

170. you better get on your bike and help me eat subs.

171. I said no.

172. So then I asked Joseph if he wanted to go riding bikes

173. and he was all,

174. "Duh, I got some things to do around the house."

175. What's with that?

176. He went to kids' camp.

177. I'm the one who just spent a week

178. in a retirement community.

179. You know, Bobby, there are some days of the month

180. that I don't like to ride a bike either.

181. You mean because you got your period?

182. I chose not to use that word.

183. Why? It's a natural, beautiful thing.

184. You don't understand.

185. You're not there yet.

186. You better check the map, honey

187. 'cause I am living in downtown there!

188. So, uh, fixing up your bike to sell it?

189. I guess you'll be getting a motorcycle

190. or a town car or something.

191. Mm...

192. Yeah, well, here's an invitation for my birthday party.

193. There's gonna be a lot of stuff you'll like there.

194. You know, grown-up stuff, like dancing.

195. Dancing?

196. No, I don't think so.

197. What is so funny

198. Mr. five-feet-ten-inches- with-your-fancy-armpit-hair?

199. I'm guessing!

200. Whoa.

201. Joseph, what's going on?

202. I can't dance.

203. Compared to me, no.

204. I've got stretch marks on my shoulders

205. and zits on my back.

206. I can't even ride my own bike anymore.

207. And a million times a day my dad asks me,

208. "How's the weather up there?"

209. Tell him, "It's fair to partly stupid."

210. Man, you always know just what to say.

211. That's why you have a girlfriend.

212. Yeah. I do, don't I?

213. I want a girl, too!

214. Oh, God!

215. I just can't stop thinking about 'em!

216. I can't get girls out of my head.

217. I just... just get out!

218. Come on, Joseph,

219. I told Charisse you were coming to my party

220. and she didn't turn me down.

221. I bet she grew this summer, too.

222. Hmm. And she's always been really tall.

223. I didn't know you sewed, Hank.

224. Sewer!

225. I am not sewing,

226. I am upholstering

227. which is one of the five original industrial arts.

228. Whatever you say, Aunt Bee.

229. Hey, while you're at it, maybe you can quilt

230. one of them coffins for me.

231. It's only a matter of time before Joseph's hormonal rage

232. forces him to kill me in my sleep

233. and marry my mother.

234. Any-hoo, are you gonna button-tuck the folds?

235. Yeah, man, you know you gotta a lot...

236. ways... button-tucking them folds.

237. Well, I won't be able to blow out my candles

238. because you just took my breath away.

239. Happy Birthday, Bobby.

240. Have you girls seen the new Joseph?

241. Hey, Alexis. Hi, Stacy.

242. Oh, Hank, I have carried in Bobby's birthday cake

243. for every one of his birthdays.

244. I am the Cal Ripkin of birthday cakes.

245. Now look at me.

246. Banished to the garage while Bobby's party goes on without me

247. or a decent mix tape.

248. Hey, let's start a new tradition for Bobby's birthday.

249. What do you say you and me just cut loose?

250. And I ordered pizza.

251. Come on I want to show you something.

252. Feel that.

253. It's so plush.

254. Well, it better be...

255. it's silk stuffed with Canadian goose down.

256. See, I made yours better than mine.

257. Mine's just fiberfill

258. left over from when we insulated the attic.

259. Oh, Hank.

260. It's like sleeping on a marshmallow.

261. Come on, J, help me bust a move.

262. Yeah.

263. - Oh! - Ow!

264. Sorry. I just, um...

265. Sorry.

266. What are you staring at weirdo?

267. Uh... Um, uh...

268. Uh, uh...

269. Where are you going?

270. I totally hooked you up with Charisse.

271. Why didn't you put the moves on her?

272. I don't have any moves, Bobby.

273. Okay, I like working with a clean slate.

274. Come learn moves from the master.

275. As promised,

276. I present to you the VIP sub.

277. Hey, your hands are really soft.

278. I have a new soap.

279. Well, you must be using it on your face, too

280. because your skin is beautiful.

281. What are you talking about? My face is all broken out.

282. Hey, did you kiss me today?

283. - What? - Enjoy.

284. Bobby!

285. Joseph is right here.

286. So, maybe he'll learn something.

287. Bobby, you did this so Joseph could watch?

288. You're such a creep.

289. Oops.

290. Time of the month.

291. Hey, don't blame you being a jerk on my...

292. which I'm not about to talk to either of you about

293. and which I am not even having anyway

294. because of track. Huh?

295. Joseph likes to watch.

296. Use doorbell, you idiot.

297. Connie, it's for you.

298. If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face.

299. Oh, I wish it was, so I could,

300. but it's just Jolly Gribble Giant.

301. What is it now?

302. Did you come here to watch me do my homework?

303. I just wanted to say it was all my fault.

304. I mean, Bobby did it to help me

305. 'cause I'm such, um...

306. Oh, man...

307. I'm not good with girls...

308. Girls.

309. You can't be any worse than Bobby.

310. The way he tried to kiss me in front of...

311. Well, you were there.

312. Anyways, I'm sorry. So see ya. Bye.

313. Ow!

314. Idiot!

315. - No, you're not.

316. I don't think you're an idiot.

317. Connie, I rehearsed an apology

318. but I'm going to throw it away

319. because nothing says I'm sorry like, "I'm sorry."

320. Connie, I rehearsed an apology, but...

321. Oh!

322. Oh!

323. Oh, Bobby, are you okay?

324. Ow!

325. Bobby!

326. If my hand didn't hurt so much, I'd do it again.

327. Oh, what the hell.

328. Ow! Stop it!

329. I'm bleeding.

330. Oh, look at you.

331. You grow like bamboo.

332. Hey, what happened to his nose?

333. I took care of business.

334. Me and my hammer... Ow!

335. Oh, we better get some ice on that

336. before you bleed all over the hand-loomed kilim.

337. What... were you doing, Connie?

338. I don't know. It just...

339. I think you better calm down.

340. How can I calm down?

341. You were kissing Joseph!

342. You are not allowed to kiss Joseph!

343. I can kiss whoever I want, Bobby.

344. Oh! So I guess you're dating Joseph now.

345. Is that it?

346. Well, maybe I wanted to kiss a guy with a mustache

347. and maybe I didn't want to wait for you.

348. What?

349. I made you!

350. You were just a dumb "A" student until I hit the scene.

351. What would you... I just don't...

352. That does it!

353. I am breaking up with you.

354. Oh, that's right. You blew it!

355. Jerk!

356. Oh, that little hillbilly pack quite a wallop.

357. You want some naproxen?

358. No, I'm okay.

359. How did tall, dark and handsome

360. get butt kicked by short, fat and redneck?

361. Joseph...

362. What's going on?

363. Oh, you so cute.

364. Kahn going to get a big kick out of this.

365. Joseph, how could you?

366. Sorry, I just...

367. I thought you liked me.

368. Oh, yeah, you rock my world.

369. What the...

370. Hmm, something at the part must have upset Joseph.

371. Oh, you know, it's an awkward age.

372. What with acne and whatnot.

373. Do you think I should get out of my coffin

374. and see what's going on?

375. Over my dead body.

376. HANK I'm sure they're fine.

377. Pass the chips.

378. Hey, Joseph

379. how's the weather up there?

380. That's it!

381. What are you doing here?

382. I came to apologize and make out with tongues.

383. I don't know where your tongue's been.

384. Oh, wait. Yes, I do.

385. I didn't mean to kiss Joseph.

386. It was just that...

387. He was so sad and... tall.

388. And you're so loose... and cheap.

389. Oh, Connie, wait!

390. Where are you going?

391. I'm going as far as...

392. an eighth of a tank of gas will get me.

393. Take me with you.

394. What are you doing with my woman?

395. - I am not your property. - Leave us alone.

396. I said I was sorry, so let's do tongues now.

397. You're going to French.

398. No way.

399. - You said... - I did not.

400. ALL

401. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

402. My Bugabago!

403. What evil hath been wrought to befall this upon me?

404. Who did this?

405. I don't know, Dale.

406. Was it...

407. You?

408. Let me... I want to...

409. Calm down, Dale.

410. Maybe one of these kids saw something.

411. Bobby, did you see who did this?

412. Uh...

413. It was probably teenagers.

414. Yep. Teenagers.

415. Teenagers.

416. Damn teenagers!

417. I guess you're off the hook.

418. But don't leave town.

419. Who wants birthday cake?

420. Yes! Yes! 13 for 13!

421. Jennifer, we're fantastic.