King of the Hill 2x13

Directed by Adam Kuhlman

David Herman as Lloyd Vickers (voice) • Dennis Burkley as Principal Moss (voice) • Cheryl Holliday as Velma Throckmorton (voice)

When Hank's boss, Buck Strickland, has another heart attack, Hank expects to be put in charge of the company while Buck is recuperating. Instead Buck picks Lloyd Vickers, a business-school graduate, and puts Hank in charge of feeding his dogs. At Buck's house, Hank discovers that Buck's stove is electric, not propane. Realizing that Buck is just in propane for the money, Hank considers leaving the propane business and opening up a general store instead.

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1. ? [rock 'n' roll music playing]

2. I'm buck strickland, and if you don't recognize me

3. you're at the wrong event.

4. now, the assistant manager s

5. of the 5 strickland propane branches and I

6. welcome you all to our annual winter picnic.

7. We have gathered here to celebrate propane.

8. God's gas.

9. And who could ignite the celebration better

10. than our senior assistant manager, mr. Hank hill?

11. Hank, could yo u do the honors?

12. I'd be honored.

13. well, hurry up, hank, turn winter into summer.

14. ha!

15. wow, Mr. Strickland.

16. It's like you always find the exact right moment

17. to flip those burgers.

18. And I think you'll also find that now is the exact right moment

19. for my total quality management proposal.

20. Oh, for god's sake

21. hey, vickers! Who do you like for the super bowl next year?

22. The dupey-loopies or the shimmy-shammies?

23. ok. Ok. Very funny. But I like the bills.

24. look, mom, ash.

25. There must be a volcano somewhere.

26. huh?

27. it—it—it's snowing!

28. Oh, no!

29. it can't be.

30. Ok, I have been through this before in montana.

31. Now, nobody lick any flag poles.

32. Snow?

33. Texans aren't prepared for this kind of nightmare, sir.

34. We gotta work fast

35. I'll unlock the gas reserves, while you rally the troops

36. all right, choke it down, people!

37. This is a propane emergency. No time for chewin'.

38. If we don't get heat to the people,

39. you can bet the electric company will.

40. joe jack, fire up the bobtail truck!

41. Don't be a hero, hank.

42. It's too late.

43. Can I come too, dad?

44. You bet, son.

45. If you can catch a bobtail on the fly,

46. you're welcome at strickland propane.

47. Come on.

48. slow down, joe jack.

49. Slow way down. Slower.

50. Just stop the truck.

51. whee,

52. it's a winter wonderland!

53. Whee!

54. I tell you what, man. Don't go down to antarctica.

55. k Ain't gonna get that dang thing to wor

56. with a little big old bottom like he got.

57. Whee!

58. N-no, ma'am, propane will not freeze.

59. Good news, buck.

60. We can get propane to the nursing homes

61. by diverting it away from the museum of modern art.

62. If anyone asks, it was a tough choice.

63. uh-huh,

64. that's why your dad's one of the greats.

65. Just watch and learn, son.

66. Maybe someday you'll be sittin' in that seat.

67. Then where would he sit?

68. The way things are goin', he'll be in the boss's chair.

69. Ho-ho, no, sir. I'll just keep the chair I have

70. and wheel it over to your desk when the time comes.

71. Whew, I'm beat. I think I'm gonna call it a day.

72. I just gotta finish up my paperwork.

73. There. Finished.

74. Hey, dad.

75. How come I never got a strickland calendar?

76. Uh, that's not for you, bobby. You're not old enough.

77. Why, hello, Miss november.

78. You be careful. That's flammable.

79. uh, bobby,

80. why don't you go on outside and make snow angels?

81. ok.

82. oh, hey, speakin' of angels, look at the— Look at the wings

83. on this piece of chicken, would you?

84. whoo!

85. Well, she certainl y is attractive, sir

86. but I'm not sure that's an appropriate way

87. to be talkin' about our cleaning lady.

88. merry christmas!

89. I see your stockings are sure hung with care.

90. oh, ow!

91. Uh—uh, buck!

92. God dangit! I'm having an infarction.

93. What? Jesus!

94. No! Oh, my god! I'll call an ambulance

95. we'll get to the hospital.

96. Hang on, buck.

97. We still got a lot of propane to sell together.

98. Hello, em-emergency room, please.

99. darn it, no.

100. mr. Strickland, you gotta use both arms, like me.

101. what do you think?

102. If I show up at the hospital with a tie on,

103. it's kind of ghoulish.

104. It's like sayin', "why aren't you dead yet?"

105. on the other hand, we are in a crisis,

106. and I will have to give orders.

107. See? You are already thinkin' like a man in charge.

108. Oh, this is so exciting.

109. Save the tie for the funeral.

110. everybody listen up. Strickland is a family.

111. I'm like the daddy, and the daddy ain't feelin' so good.

112. So, it's up to you kids to become leaders.

113. Make sure daddy's business don't get run into the ground.

114. Do you work for me?

115. Yes, sir, Mr. Strickland.

116. I'm your daddy.

117. All 5 of you kids are goin' to have to pitch in.

118. Take—take on some added responsibility.

119. Could you ladies step outside for a minute, please?

120. I—I got a shot comin', and it's just rude, you know,

121. to make 2 such pretty gals stare at my bare backside.

122. all right, now that the skirts are out in the hallway,

123. we can get down to business.

124. One of you has to run the company.

125. Hank, you're my right-hand man.

126. I need you to feed my hounds.

127. Uh...

128. Promise me you'll take car e of my hounds, hank.

129. Uh, I'll take care of them. Sure

130. tell me that you will love them, hank.

131. I'll—I'll... All right, I'll do so.

132. Vickers, you run the company.

133. The whole shebang.

134. Lets see what that fancy business degree of yours is worth.

135. You betcha.

136. You're puttin' him in charge?

137. M-mr. Strickland, I've bee n with the company 15 years.

138. Hank, I let you light the grill.

139. Right now, my hounds are starvin'.

140. I bought enough canned food

141. to last us through this storm and the civil unrest

142. that will inevitably follow.

143. Hope you like water chestnuts.

144. uh, hey, neighbor!

145. I brought you somethin'.

146. Water chestnuts.

147. Oh, thank you.

148. As a matter of fact, there is somethin' you can give me in return.

149. I only have a 3-week supply of propane.

150. But you'll get hank to hook me up.

151. You owe me.

152. Well, I'm sorry, dale.

153. Hank may be in charge now,

154. but you are not goin' to get any special treatment.

155. Hank's priorities are propane first, family 2nd,

156. friends 3rd, in that order.

157. Fine. I'll just have to barter for it.

158. bill, you like pumpkin pie fillin'?

159. Hank!

160. What's goin' on, hank?

161. what? W-w-why, that suck-up's not even fit to feed strickland's dogs.

162. uh,

163. Actually, that's my department now.

164. Oh, well,

165. I'm sure it has its own set of challenges.

166. Does anyone know what this means?

167. ? You're gonna be doing drug testing

168. you're thinking of p.c.p. And, yes, we are.

169. P.d.p.: "peak demand pricing."

170. This weather has created a propane shortage

171. therefore, market forces dictate that we raise our prices.

172. In business school, that's called "supply and demand."

173. Yeah, well, in the real world that's called

174. stickin' it to people when they need us most.

175. Uh, hank,

176. can we "dialogue" for a second?

177. I know this must b e difficult for you.

178. So I'm working out some flex time

179. so you can feed mr. Strickland's dogs, and clean their mess.

180. Look, let me tell you somethin' you can only learn from experience.

181. You got to treat people with respect.

182. You know who taught me that? Buck strickland.

183. He has the nerve to give me "flex time."

184. That's what they give pregnant women, and other disableds.

185. I don't know, hank. Sounds like he's just trying to empower you.

186. See, that's the 5th building block of total quality management.

187. Mmm-hmm. yep.

188. Well, you won't be so quic k to defend this guy

189. when he raises propane prices 10 cents a gallon.

190. (all ) 10 cents?

191. What?

192. What about my dang old hot tub, man?

193. and finds out about this, he's gonna have another heart attack.

194. Someone's gotta teach that vickers a lesson.

195. If you want, I can show yo u how to make a bomb

196. out of a roll of toilet paper and a stick of dynamite.

197. Why didn't buck strickland pick you to be boss, dad?

198. well, uh,

199. sometimes in life, uh...

200. Uh, curve ball and such, uh...

201. Uh...

202. Uh, that's your ride, boy.

203. Hey, joe jack,

204. can you give my boy a lift home?

205. Sorry, hank.

206. Damn vickers put tattlers in the trucks now.

207. What? He can't do that.

208. What's a tattler?

209. It's a meter that tells the boss

210. when the driver stops, and for how long.

211. It's designed to prevent goof-offs,

212. lunch breaks, unscheduled stops.

213. All the things the drivers' union fought so hard for.

214. meow, look at me, I'm a kitty.

215. Meow!

216. meow! Meow! Look at me, I'm a kitty.

217. Meow! Meow!

218. Meow! Meow! Meow!

219. Good dog. Look at me. I've got whiskers. I'm a kitty cat.

220. Run, honey. They've seen you.

221. this is ridiculous

222. there's a snow crisis goin' on

223. and I'm sittin' here scrubbin' off dog slobber.

224. Do not blame yourself.

225. Strickland is the fool who passed you over.

226. Well, no one bats a 1000. Strickland's a good man.

227. He's the only other guy at the firm

228. who has the same passion for propane that I do.

229. Oh...

230. My lord!

231. What?

232. The stove.

233. It's not propane. It's electric.

234. no.

235. yes.

236. Well, it'd better be self-cleanin',

237. because I thin k I'm gonna vomit.

238. How could you, sir?

239. How could you buy an electric stove

240. after everything propane has given you?

241. Dang it, hank, we're both men of the world.

242. I've got a whole bunch of electric appliances.

243. They came with the house.

244. But, Mr. Strickland, you've always said that propane is god's gas.

245. It's a higher calling.

246. Oh, hell, hank. It's just a business.

247. It's about makin' as much money as you can, while you can.

248. That's why I let vickers put in them tattlers.

249. What? You knew about that?

250. Well, sure. I've been usin' tattlers off and on for years.

251. Hell, back in the old days, we used midgets.

252. Stuck them behind the seat s with a bucket of ice to keep them cool.

253. That's till osha came in

254. and put them poor little people on the street.

255. That's what they like to be called, hank. "little people."

256. The 15 years I've worked with you

257. have been the happiest years of my life.

258. Now I find out, it was all a lie.

259. I never thought I would say this,

260. but, Mr. Strickland, I'm not comin' into work tomorrow.

261. You mean, you quit,

262. or are you takin' a personal day?

263. You heard me.

264. I just need a couple days up at the lake

265. to figure out what I was meant to do in this life.

266. I've been takin' a good hard look at the propane business

267. and it's sort of like seein' a woman with her make-up off.

268. Sharona johnson came to beauty school once with her make-up off

269. and nobody told her.

270. hmm, that was mean.

271. Dad, I got the stove.

272. Where's the propane thingy that goes into it?

273. Put it back, son.

274. There's no room for propan e on this trip.

275. Now, listen to me, joe jack.

276. We're just 2 steps from win-win.

277. Step one: you put the tattler boxes back in the trucks.

278. Step 2: you keep your jobs.

279. Oh, I got a 3rd step for you, honey. We quit.

280. fine. Quit.

281. I've got a whole alumni newsletter

282. full of friends I can call on.

283. They'll drive those trucks just for the life experience.

284. and I guess your friends are hazmat certified, too.

285. Hazmat?

286. ! Hazardous materials, vickers! You moron

287. you need a special license to drive a propane truck!

288. It's all right, sir. I—I can get to "yes."

289. I'll hire a new batch of drivers right away.

290. You listen to me, goddang it!

291. It's the goddang height of the season.

292. There's no drivers from here to goddang city.

293. you're fired!

294. Here you go, sister.

295. I told you we should have stopped at the mega lo mart.

296. They don't even have a separate candy department here.

297. Bobby hill, we are at a remote cabin out in the wilderness.

298. We will make our own candy.

299. Hank, what are you doing?

300. Put it down. Now, someone might see

301. come on, peggy.

302. Haven't you ever wondered what it's like

303. to barbecue with charcoal?

304. You mean without propane? But I don't think that—

305. well,

306. well, yeah, I guess I am curious.

307. this is the hill residence.

308. Please leave a message at the beep.

309. hank, it's your old buddy buck strickland.

310. That vickers mucked things up worse

311. than jack kennedy at piggy bay.

312. So, I got no drivers.

313. I got no right-hand man! I need you, old top.

314. I need you bad.

315. comes to $21.24.

316. Uh, darn!

317. I only got a $20. I'll just run out to the car.

318. $20's close enough

319. we don't care about $1 here or there

320. "people before pennies," I always say.

321. Hmm, well, thank you, friend. You're good people.

322. "we don't care about $1 here or there."

323. Now I know why they call you "pa,

324. 'cause you're pa-thetic.

325. And I know why they call you "ma,

326. 'cause you're always riding ma ass.

327. hank, it's rudy over at goobersmooches restaurant.

328. I got no propane for my stoves.

329. I—I'm lookin' at 20 pounds of rotten rib eye.

330. I saved your life, dad.

331. huh?

332. I saved your life.

333. I was gonna push you in, and then I saved your life.

334. You were goin' to push me in?

335. It was a joke.

336. I said, do not disturb him

337. oh!

338. we don't care about $1 here or there.

339. "people before pennies."

340. People. Of course.

341. People.

342. Peggy, peggy.

343. What? What is it?

344. Pack up the car. I figured it all out.

345. It's not about tattler boxes, or who's in charge.

346. It's about service with a smile, and makin' people happy.

347. Oh, I knew it. You are goin' back to strickland.

348. Hell, no. I'm gonna open up a general store.

349. Escuchame?

350. You see, everythin g I thought I'd find in propane,

351. it isn't there.

352. It's in the general store, where they put people before pennies.

353. A fella's got no money , he can't pay his bill?

354. Well, that's good enough for us

355. I'll have customers lined up around the block.

356. Bobby, bobby, get out here, boy!

357. I'm leavin' the propane business,

358. and openin' up a general store.

359. ok.

360. I can't do it alone, peggy

361. general stores are "ma and pa."

362. If you're not there, people're gonna make assumptions, like:

363. "did pa kill ma?"

364. they aren't gonna wann a buy batteries from me,

365. if they think you're back in the freezer hanging from a meat hook.

366. ? Am I wrong

367. I don't know. I don't know.

368. People do need batteries, but this is just all happenin' so fast.

369. Will you think about it, ma?

370. We could have a section for books. Children's books!

371. m And we wouldn't even have to charge for the

372. as long as the kid s brought them back.

373. That's a great idea, peggy Kids are people.

374. You see, you've come up

375. with a whole new customer base for our store.

376. Oh, well...

377. Oh, what the "h"! You know what? I'll do it.

378. I'm gonna go type my letter of resignation

379. to the arlen school board right now.

380. I guess I had better write my letter, too.

381. "it is with regret...

382. hank, it's velma throckmorton.

383. My hands froze to my walker, and I had to thaw them in the microwave.

384. I need my propane.

385. "it is with deep regret...

386. uh, Mr. Hill, it's hugh jimmerson. My heat's gone out.

387. I've tried wearin' turtlenecks, but they make me look french.

388. Where are your trucks?

389. "it is with very deep regret...

390. mr. Hill, it's leta anderson.

391. All 3 kids got the croup, and I'm clear out of propane.

392. It's cold. It's real cold.

393. all finished, hank!

394. ok.

395. Here it is. One resignation letter,

396. signed and self-notarized.

397. Hank?

398. "peggy, went back to work. Love, hank hill."

399. uh, is that you, hank?

400. You come back to dance on my grave?

401. No, sir, I don't feel much like dancing

402. there's a town in crisis out there,

403. and they need propane.

404. That ain't gonna happen, hank.

405. Vickers screwed everything up. All our drivers quit.

406. A real propane man doesn't know the word "quit."

407. Well, I don't know how they said it.

408. But them drivers ain't workin' here no more.

409. And you and me can't drive them propane trucks

410. because we don't have hazmat licenses.

411. It's all over.

412. No, it ain't.

413. You don't need any hazmat license to drive a tow truck.

414. saved your life, dad.

415. ] [hank laughing

416. "saved my life." Now I get it.

417. look at me, I'm a kitty! Meow!