1. Now I'm not going to
mention any names,Copy !req
2. but due to last year's
unfortunate kissing incident,Copy !req
3. mistletoe is banned from
this year's Christmas party.Copy !req
4. Peppermint Schnapps
makes me sloppy.Copy !req
5. Enough with your party, Hank.Copy !req
6. Help me figure out what
to get Nancy for Christmas.Copy !req
7. I'll never top that oil painting
I commissioned last year:Copy !req
8. "Nude Dale In Repose."Copy !req
9. Tasteful, yet you
can see everything.Copy !req
10. Here we are, lady.Copy !req
11. 123 Rainey Street.Copy !req
12. Well, thank you, young man.Copy !req
13. This is it.Copy !req
14. That's her, all right.Copy !req
15. Uh, excuse me, ma'am.Copy !req
16. My name is Hank Hill
and I own this house.Copy !req
17. Is there something
I can help you with?Copy !req
18. I'm Ruby Wakefield
and I used to live hereCopy !req
19. many years ago
with my twin sister.Copy !req
20. My word,Copy !req
21. look how big that
tree has grown.Copy !req
22. I planted that thing
when it was a sapling.Copy !req
23. I give that tree a deep
root feeding twice a year.Copy !req
24. Hank, I got your antlers!Copy !req
25. Well, that's my family.Copy !req
26. We're going to go
harvest a Christmas tree.Copy !req
27. They look lovely.Copy !req
28. I appreciate your taking
such good care of this house.Copy !req
29. It means a lot to me.Copy !req
30. Hey, Ms. Wakefield,Copy !req
31. if you're in town tomorrow, why
don't you come back for dinner?Copy !req
32. I'll give you the indoor tour.Copy !req
33. The kitchen sink now
has a garbage disposal.Copy !req
34. I'd like that, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
35. So, she's a twin?Copy !req
36. I still cannot
believe you invitedCopy !req
37. that old woman
over for dinner, Hank.Copy !req
38. That's like putting
out a saucer of milkCopy !req
39. for a stray cat.Copy !req
40. One lap, you'll
never get rid of her.Copy !req
41. All she wants to do is take
a walk down memory lane.Copy !req
42. Besides, most seniors
are lactose intolerant.Copy !req
43. Keep going, Bobby,
you're almost there.Copy !req
44. I like old people as
much as anybody should,Copy !req
45. but you've got to be careful.Copy !req
46. Good work, Bobby.Copy !req
47. Listen to that baby hum.Copy !req
48. I remember droppingCopy !req
49. a friendship ring
down this drain.Copy !req
50. Practically broke off my
finger nail getting it back.Copy !req
51. I know how that
feels, Ms. Wakefield.Copy !req
52. One timeCopy !req
53. the front door bent my
pinkie toe backwards.Copy !req
54. The nail grew back really gross.Copy !req
55. Leave your shoe on, Bobby.Copy !req
56. Believe it or not,Copy !req
57. but that is a memory that
you'll cherish someday, Bobby.Copy !req
58. So save up as many as you canCopy !req
59. because when you're old like me,Copy !req
60. you'll have richesCopy !req
61. beyond all the
gold in the world.Copy !req
62. Oh, darn.Copy !req
63. I cannot believe
we're out of coffee.Copy !req
64. Oh, well, it's getting close
to bed time anyway, huh?Copy !req
65. Oh, you have such
wonderful memories.Copy !req
66. Now I can't wait to
get old and wrinkly,Copy !req
67. and grow a little
hump on my back.Copy !req
68. You're so sweet, dear.Copy !req
69. Mrs. Hill, it amazes
me how much youCopy !req
70. remind me of my sister,
so smart and pretty.Copy !req
71. Well, thank you.Copy !req
72. Oh, lookie here...
A new can of coffee.Copy !req
73. I'll just brew some up.Copy !req
74. Oh, coffee sounds nice, dear.Copy !req
75. I got it!Copy !req
76. What if I seal myself in a crateCopy !req
77. and have me delivered
on Christmas day to Nancy.Copy !req
78. Wait, do they have
mail on Christmas?Copy !req
79. It wouldn't be very merryCopy !req
80. if I died in some
distribution center.Copy !req
81. Why don't you just take NancyCopy !req
82. to a countryside
bed and breakfastCopy !req
83. for a lovely nice
romantic weekend?Copy !req
84. Nah, I'm not the kind of person
who pays someone 100 bucksCopy !req
85. to sleep in their dirty sheets.Copy !req
86. I'm the kind of person
who charges other peopleCopy !req
87. to sleep in my dirty sheets.Copy !req
88. That's it!Copy !req
89. I'll turn our house into
a bed and breakfast.Copy !req
90. All you need is some potpourriCopy !req
91. and a few boxes of waffles
and you're in business!Copy !req
92. Don't you nay-say me, Boomhauer.Copy !req
93. Once I find the right hook,Copy !req
94. this is going to be the
gift that keeps on giving.Copy !req
95. Say nay now naysayer.Copy !req
96. What a handsome family you are.Copy !req
97. How very observant of you.Copy !req
98. This is my room.Copy !req
99. It's chock full of
memories for me.Copy !req
100. Like the time I dressed
our dog, Ladybird,Copy !req
101. in my underwear and pretendedCopy !req
102. that we were
Calvin Klein models.Copy !req
103. This is also where I read my
Bible every night before bed.Copy !req
104. Yes, this room certainly
brings back many memories.Copy !req
105. This is where my sister died.Copy !req
106. - Ew! Gross.
- Good Lord.Copy !req
107. Your sister died in my room?Copy !req
108. Well, actually, she just had a
massive heart attack in here.Copy !req
109. Somehow she managed
to crawl down the hallwayCopy !req
110. to about right over there...Copy !req
111. I don't know how
she dragged herselfCopy !req
112. with her arthritic fingers.Copy !req
113. She couldn't even
open a jar of apple butter.Copy !req
114. Oh, you have to forgive me,Copy !req
115. but I think I need to sit
for a moment and rest.Copy !req
116. She's been asleep
for over an hour.Copy !req
117. I guess I'd better wake her upCopy !req
118. and send her on her way.Copy !req
119. Ms. Wakefield... Ms. Wakefield.Copy !req
120. Ms. Wake... Hey!Copy !req
121. What's going on?Copy !req
122. Oh, I'm still here.Copy !req
123. Yeah, you dozed off for a
bit, and it's getting kinda late.Copy !req
124. I'm sure you're ready
to head on home.Copy !req
125. Yes, I am. I am ready.Copy !req
126. Ms. Wakefield, are you okay?Copy !req
127. Huh?Copy !req
128. Oh, oh, uh...Copy !req
129. The happiest times of my life
were spent here in this house.Copy !req
130. That's why there is no
place else in the worldCopy !req
131. that I would rather end my days.Copy !req
132. End your days?Copy !req
133. Yes. I want to die here.Copy !req
134. I promise not to be a nuisance.Copy !req
135. Ms. Wakefield, you
can't die in my house.Copy !req
136. You're really not
being a good guest...Copy !req
137. ma'am.Copy !req
138. I called you a taxi.Copy !req
139. It's the least we can do,Copy !req
140. but all we're going to do.Copy !req
141. But it's important to me to
die where I was happiest.Copy !req
142. Don't you want me to be happy?Copy !req
143. Not that way!Copy !req
144. Okay, I guess it's your house.Copy !req
145. I'll just get my shawl.Copy !req
146. Oh, great, she
went behind the tree.Copy !req
147. We don't decorate back there.Copy !req
148. Ms. Wakefield, please...Copy !req
149. I promise not to drag this out.Copy !req
150. I bet it won't take meCopy !req
151. more than two days.Copy !req
152. At most, three.Copy !req
153. You keep her busy.Copy !req
154. I'll sneak up from behind
and poke her with this driver.Copy !req
155. You got me that driver I wanted?Copy !req
156. She's headed for the bathroom.Copy !req
157. Dang it.Copy !req
158. Hey, I'm in here!Copy !req
159. Ms. Wakefield,
you need to leave.Copy !req
160. Hank, the taxi's here!Copy !req
161. I cannot believe it's this hardCopy !req
162. to think of a bed
and breakfast theme.Copy !req
163. How about an
Evening at the Improv?Copy !req
164. Great idea!Copy !req
165. I know... crap idea.Copy !req
166. Dang it, Boomhauer,
aren't you ever wrong?Copy !req
167. Please, don't make me leave!Copy !req
168. I promise I won't
be any trouble!Copy !req
169. Stop pinching me, Ms. Wakefield.Copy !req
170. Ah, finally. Hank come
to his senses and...Copy !req
171. Wait a minute, that not Peggy.Copy !req
172. Why you picking on
that old lady, Sug?Copy !req
173. I'm not picking on her.Copy !req
174. She wants to die in my house.Copy !req
175. Please, show some compassion!Copy !req
176. I, uh... She...Copy !req
177. We ate, we laughed,
we had some coffee...Copy !req
178. then she told us she
wanted to die in my houseCopy !req
179. and ruined the whole
got-dang evening.Copy !req
180. So, basically, this
woman told youCopy !req
181. that she wanted to die in your
house, no strings attached?Copy !req
182. Yep.Copy !req
183. I've got it...Copy !req
184. The theme is a haunted
bed and breakfast!Copy !req
185. Hauntings are all the rage now.Copy !req
186. Haunted hotel rooms,
haunted cruises.Copy !req
187. If I can get that crone to
agree to die in my houseCopy !req
188. and haunt the place,
we'd be booked year round.Copy !req
189. What do you say now, Boomhauer?Copy !req
190. What in the heck are
you talking about, Dale?Copy !req
191. Nancy's Christmas present.Copy !req
192. Please, Hank, let Ms.
Wakefield die in my house.Copy !req
193. Please, please, please...Copy !req
194. Has everyone gone crazy?Copy !req
195. It's Christmas for God's sake.Copy !req
196. No one is dying in my
house or your house, Dale.Copy !req
197. I'll probably die in my house.Copy !req
198. Wedged behind the bathroom door.Copy !req
199. Inaccessible to the paramedics.Copy !req
200. Well, what can you do.Copy !req
201. I can't believe that
I'm feeling guiltyCopy !req
202. about denying Ms. Wakefield's...Copy !req
203. request.Copy !req
204. Well, what does
she expect us to do?Copy !req
205. Bobby, I don't
know how a giraffeCopy !req
206. got in the nativity
scene, but I like it.Copy !req
207. Let's go find a zebra.Copy !req
208. Ms. Wakefield, what
are you doing here?Copy !req
209. I just wanted to apologizeCopy !req
210. for causing such a
scene the other night.Copy !req
211. I hope you're not angry with me.Copy !req
212. Merry Christmas, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
213. Oh, well, Merry Christmas
to you, too, Ms. Wakefield.Copy !req
214. I drank a lot of
iced tea earlier.Copy !req
215. Could I use your bathroom?Copy !req
216. Oh, sure thing. It's right
down the hall on the...Copy !req
217. Wait a minute.Copy !req
218. I know what you're trying to do.Copy !req
219. You don't need to
use the bathroom.Copy !req
220. You just want to die
in there, don't you?Copy !req
221. I promise I won't take long.Copy !req
222. If I hold my breathCopy !req
223. for ten seconds I bet
I'll slip away just like that.Copy !req
224. I have a proposition for you.Copy !req
225. And a plate of pitted prunes.Copy !req
226. Why die here, you ask?Copy !req
227. Well, you'd be getting
in on the ground floorCopy !req
228. of a wonderful
investment opportunity,Copy !req
229. and all you really have to do
is make two appearances a dayCopy !req
230. from the afterlife, via
this old antique mirror.Copy !req
231. It's not hard work,
but I do expect quality.Copy !req
232. Are there any questions?Copy !req
233. Can I go now?Copy !req
234. What, so you can go
die over at Hank's house?Copy !req
235. I could get you a dead little
lapdog to keep you company.Copy !req
236. That shuffle alone
would pack the place.Copy !req
237. I still don't see why I can't
come to the mall with you guys.Copy !req
238. Because we're shopping for you.Copy !req
239. And you peek.Copy !req
240. Your mother's right.Copy !req
241. Besides, somebody
should stay here.Copy !req
242. You know, in case
an old lady tries to...Copy !req
243. Bobby, just keep
the doors locked.Copy !req
244. Dooley's going to pants Santa?Copy !req
245. Dang, I can't go.Copy !req
246. Make sure the elves
take plenty of pictures.Copy !req
247. Let me in, Bobby.Copy !req
248. I have a peppermint.Copy !req
249. It's reasonable not
to want someoneCopy !req
250. to die in your house, right?Copy !req
251. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
252. We cannot open that door.
I mean, if Bill gets wind...Copy !req
253. Hank, I understand an elder
wishes to use your homeCopy !req
254. as an entrance
to the spirit world.Copy !req
255. My people teach that a
person must be happy at deathCopy !req
256. or they are destinedCopy !req
257. to walk throughout eternityCopy !req
258. on their hands so their
frown appears to be a smile.Copy !req
259. Food for thought.Copy !req
260. Hank Hill.Copy !req
261. She's on the roof!Copy !req
262. Ms. Wakefield shoved her
arm through the mail slotCopy !req
263. and tried to unlock the door.Copy !req
264. She's been scratching
at all the windows.Copy !req
265. Ms. Wakefield, show yourself!Copy !req
266. Ms. Wakefield!Copy !req
267. Dang it, Ms. Wakefield,
I have had it with you.Copy !req
268. You've got my boy
hiding under the tree.Copy !req
269. You've got all my
friends mad at me.Copy !req
270. I'm sorry, you've
left me no choice.Copy !req
271. Thank you for being
so prompt, officers.Copy !req
272. There's the trespasser
I called about.Copy !req
273. Her?Copy !req
274. You want us to arrest
that poor old woman?Copy !req
275. Hank had to call Johnny LawCopy !req
276. on big, bad, old
lady with walker.Copy !req
277. I don't want them to arrest her,Copy !req
278. I just want them
to take her awayCopy !req
279. so I can get on with
Christmas and whatnot.Copy !req
280. Well, maybe you could
compromise with her.Copy !req
281. Compromise?Copy !req
282. How do I do that?Copy !req
283. Let her die on my sidewalk?Copy !req
284. I'm just saying.Copy !req
285. You're not saying anything!Copy !req
286. Still.Copy !req
287. If she were trying to break
into your homes and die,Copy !req
288. you'd do the same
thing, I tell you what.Copy !req
289. What have I done wrong?Copy !req
290. Absolutely nothing.Copy !req
291. Peggy's making her
special Christmas fudgeCopy !req
292. for the party tomorrow.Copy !req
293. Yep, it sure is going
to be a good time.Copy !req
294. Yeah, until you
call the cops on us.Copy !req
295. That poor old woman.Copy !req
296. She committed the crime of
loving Hank's house too much.Copy !req
297. Are we not all guilty?Copy !req
298. Hank, I do not want
you to blame yourself,Copy !req
299. but Ms. Wakefield
died at a bus stationCopy !req
300. the very night you had her
arrested and dragged away.Copy !req
301. What?Copy !req
302. Good Lord,Copy !req
303. she was a retired
Sunday school teacher.Copy !req
304. Now, Hank, I don't want youCopy !req
305. to dwell on the awful thingsCopy !req
306. you said to her out of anger.Copy !req
307. I can't believe
she's really gone.Copy !req
308. It just seems like yesterdayCopy !req
309. she was trying to get her
walker through the doggie door.Copy !req
310. I wish she were hereCopy !req
311. so I could give her
little hump a big hug.Copy !req
312. Are we still going to
have our party tonight?Copy !req
313. It just doesn't feel right.Copy !req
314. Oh, don't be silly, Bobby.Copy !req
315. Ms. Wakefield would
have wanted it that way.Copy !req
316. She probably loved parties.Copy !req
317. Now come on, let's get
back in the Christmas spirit.Copy !req
318. Why don't we pick
up a little green vestCopy !req
319. for Ladybird to
wear at the party?Copy !req
320. That'll cheer everyone up.Copy !req
321. I hope this fits.Copy !req
322. Pet Town doesn't have a
very generous return policy.Copy !req
323. I still don't understand
why a vest is coolCopy !req
324. yet a Santa hat
would be demeaning.Copy !req
325. If I have to explain it...Copy !req
326. Ms. Wakefield.Copy !req
327. So, Ms. Wakefield isn't dead?Copy !req
328. Oh, my God, she's
somewhere in the house.Copy !req
329. Oh, Lord, I hope she isn't dead.Copy !req
330. Run!Copy !req
331. No, we've got to find her!Copy !req
332. Bobby, you and
Luanne check the den.Copy !req
333. Peggy, you check the garage,Copy !req
334. and I'll check the
back of the house.Copy !req
335. If any of you find
her, holler out.Copy !req
336. Oh, God!Copy !req
337. Oh, Ladybird!Copy !req
338. Dumb dog, dumb!Copy !req
339. You almost got your bell rung.Copy !req
340. Wait a minute...Copy !req
341. There you go, girl. Come on.Copy !req
342. Get Ms. Wakefield's scent
and track down that old coot.Copy !req
343. Good girl!Copy !req
344. Come on, for Mama!Copy !req
345. No, no, Ladybird.Copy !req
346. No. No fetch.Copy !req
347. Find old lady.Copy !req
348. Sniff and fi... Oh!Copy !req
349. Dumb dog.Copy !req
350. Ms. Wakefield, if
you're under here,Copy !req
351. please don't grab
me by the throatCopy !req
352. and drag me into
the gates of hell.Copy !req
353. Don't tell Dad.Copy !req
354. Ms. Wakefield, are you in here?Copy !req
355. I know we haven't
been on the same pageCopy !req
356. about your dying and all,Copy !req
357. but I hope we can
work out our differences.Copy !req
358. Peppermint.Copy !req
359. Oh, Ms. Wakefield, why?Copy !req
360. Give me peace!Copy !req
361. Why can't you just let me be?Copy !req
362. Ms. Wakefield, we
thought you were dead.Copy !req
363. We read your obituary.Copy !req
364. I was desperate, so I
submitted a fake obituaryCopy !req
365. to get your guard down.Copy !req
366. You lied!Copy !req
367. Good Lord, the party.Copy !req
368. Peggy, Bobby, Luanne,Copy !req
369. you take care of the guestsCopy !req
370. while I escort Ms.
Wakefield out the back door.Copy !req
371. I'll join you in a minute.Copy !req
372. Our Christmas has been disruptedCopy !req
373. by you for the last
time, Ms. Wakefield.Copy !req
374. Well, if you would
just let me concentrate,Copy !req
375. I'd be out of your hair forever.Copy !req
376. Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way...Copy !req
377. Merry Christmas, John Redcorn.Copy !req
378. I made you some special
reindeer-shaped cookiesCopy !req
379. with toothpicks sticking
in them like little arrows.Copy !req
380. Quite honestly, Peggy,Copy !req
381. I was going to
boycott your partyCopy !req
382. to protest Hank's harsh
treatment towards our elders,Copy !req
383. but I found out that
Bill is my secret Santa,Copy !req
384. and he always gives cool gifts.Copy !req
385. Yeah, Bill really go all out.Copy !req
386. Put me down!Copy !req
387. My God, Hank is wrestling
with Ms. Wakefield's ghost!Copy !req
388. What a waste.Copy !req
389. She's not dead.Copy !req
390. She's very much alive.Copy !req
391. She falsified her
obituary and broke in here.Copy !req
392. Please just continue
with the party.Copy !req
393. I'll call her a taxi and
join you in a minute.Copy !req
394. But I don't want to go.Copy !req
395. Let her be, Hank.Copy !req
396. Yeah, man. Not gonna
help Christmas, man.Copy !req
397. All right, fine.Copy !req
398. If that's how everyone feels.Copy !req
399. Ms. Wakefield, if you
want to die in my house,Copy !req
400. then go ahead.Copy !req
401. Really?Copy !req
402. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
403. Why... why thank you.Copy !req
404. Wait, you're not just
teasing me, are you?Copy !req
405. No, ma'am.Copy !req
406. Come on,
everybody, it's a party.Copy !req
407. Let's have some fun.Copy !req
408. Uh, Mr. Hill?Copy !req
409. You know, maybe it isCopy !req
410. a little inappropriate
right now.Copy !req
411. I mean, it is a Christmas party.Copy !req
412. Yeah, I see what you mean.Copy !req
413. Maybe I could die another time.Copy !req
414. When you're not entertaining.Copy !req
415. Sure.Copy !req
416. But you know, Ms. Wakefield,Copy !req
417. you don't have to
come back to die.Copy !req
418. You could come
back just to visit.Copy !req
419. Maybe join us for a cookoutCopy !req
420. or sit under the
tree you planted.Copy !req
421. That would be nice.Copy !req
422. Well, I've been
enough of a bother.Copy !req
423. I'll get out of your hair.Copy !req
424. Don't rush off.Copy !req
425. Why don't you stay
for secret Santa?Copy !req
426. I always get an extra giftCopy !req
427. in case my boss stops by.Copy !req
428. Okay, here's one for Bill.Copy !req
429. Could this be that ear-and-nose
trimmer he's been needing?Copy !req
430. I hope it's hungry.Copy !req
431. All right, here's one for Peggy.Copy !req
432. Peppermint schnapps
makes me sloppy.Copy !req