1. Ripped By mstoll
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2. y ahora, regressamos al
Monsignor Martinez.
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3. El Acto Tres: Rescate.
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4. Yhora,
ustedes se pueden besar.
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5. Vaya con Dios.
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6. Even in a wedding dress
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7. Monsignor Martinez
looks hot.
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8. Hmm, that is
one sexy priest.
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9. Este sabado, Eduardo Felipe
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10. su mismo va a aparecer persona
en Arlen, Texas.
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11. Oh, my God.
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12. The actor who plays
Monsignor Martinez...
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13. Eduardo Filipe... is
coming to Arlen.
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14. We have to go, sugs.
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15. I bet he's even
swarthier in person.
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16. I have been using videotapes
of the show
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17. as a teaching tool
in my Spanish class.
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18. I bet I could get the actor
to show up
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19. and be a guest speaker.
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20. I would to see the full-time
teacher Mrs. Pratt,
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21. try to follow me after that.
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22. I am very excited to be
in...
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23. Ar... len, to promote
the new episodes
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24. of my show.
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25. This will be our 11th season.
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26. I can't believe
it's really him.
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27. Hey, could you say,
"Vay con Dios'for me?
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28. Next.
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29. Hola, my name
is Peggy Hill,
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30. and I am the
three-time winner
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31. of the substitute
teacher award
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32. at Tom Landry Middle School.
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33. Well, maybe I should be asking
for your autograph.
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34. Oh, no.
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35. Señor Filipe, my students and I
love your show.
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36. And I was wondering if you could
come to my Spanish class
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37. as a special guest.
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38. I'm sorry, Señora,
but I have a rule
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39. about special appearances...
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40. I do them only for my charity
work with the sick children,
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41. or for paid vacations
on the cruise ships.
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42. Dad, I accidentally
used your toothbrush again.
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43. Throw it out.
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44. I got freakin'
Monsignor Martinez
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45. and he is coming
to my classroom tomorrow.
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46. Really? Wow.
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47. Mom, can I come meet him?
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48. You bet you can.
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49. But you have to pretend
to be a sick child.
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50. Hmm.
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51. What? The man only does guest
appearances for sick children.
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52. So what?
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53. Peggy, the boy ain't right,
but he's not sick.
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54. Can I be in a bubble?
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55. Who is excited about
watching this week's
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56. episode of Monsignor Martinez?
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57. Pare se, Señora.
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58. If you put that tape in,
it will explode.
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59. The real Monsignor Martinez!
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60. Señor, this is the sick boy
I was telling you about.
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61. He cannot
talk.
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62. Be brave, little soldier.
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63. From now on
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64. you will be in the prayers
of Monsignor Martinez.
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65. Señor, he should not be
out of his bubble for too long.
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66. If the moment
is truthful
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67. then stabbing to death
El Jefe with an icicle
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68. will come almost
without conscious effort.
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69. Okay, kids, I'm afraid
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70. that is all the time we have
with our very special guest.
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71. Uh... uh... in Espanol.
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72. Aiii.
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73. That was the best...
You are the coolest...
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74. Oh, gracias, gracias,
Señor Filipe.
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75. The children
loved you.
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76. The pleasure
was all mine.
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77. Sometimes I forget we have
many young viewers.
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78. We should probably do more
episodes
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79. like the one about
the monkey
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80. who smuggled the cocaine
under his little hat.
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81. Señora, I'm about
to have some lunch.
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82. Please, join me.
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83. I noticed you have
the same passion for teaching
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84. that I have
for acting.
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85. Gracias.
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86. Hey, say,
Vay con Dios, dude.
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87. Hey! Hey!
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88. Do not look over.
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89. It will only encourage them.
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90. Vay con Dios,
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91. you pant load.
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92. Señora Hill, I have
two children
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93. who are about to take
entrance exams
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94. to private high school
in America.
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95. A teacher like yourself
with your passion,
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96. could help them pass
such a test.
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97. Would you be interested
in coming to Mexico
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98. to tutor my children?
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99. Really?
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100. I can see I have surprised
you with my offer.
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101. I will give you... a day
to think about it.
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102. Talk it over
with the loved ones.
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103. Oh, señor, I have
something to confess.
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104. That boy in
my classroom
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105. was not sick
atall.
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106. Actually, that boy is my healthy
son Bobby.
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107. Señora Hill,
I am an actor.
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108. I could tell right away
that he was not sick.
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109. I do not mean
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110. to be unkind, but your son gave
a terrible performance.
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111. Yes, he was terrible,
wasn't he?
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112. Ah, yes.
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113. But not as terrible
as this fish! Waiter!
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114. Hank, are you going
to the propane convention
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115. in Alberta?
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116. There's a propane convention
in Alberta?
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117. It's exciting, isn't it?
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118. Oh, by you'll be
so far away... in Canada.
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119. Yeah, but no distance
is too great
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120. when it comes
to propane.
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121. Mm-hmm, and I would
have no problem
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122. with you going
to that convention,
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123. even if it's for
two weeks.
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124. I don't see why you would.
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125. Hank, there is no
propane convention
in Alberta.
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126. What?
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127. But I have been offered
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128. a job in Mexico.
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129. The actor who plays
Monsignor Martinez
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130. wants me to go
to Mexico
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131. and be a private tutor
for his children.
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132. It will only be
for two weeks.
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133. No way, Peggy.
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134. You only know this guy
through the television.
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135. Hank, can't you see
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136. what an incredible
opportunity this is for me?
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137. This is a real double whammy
for me, Peggy.
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138. You want to leave and there's
no propane convention.
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139. But if it means
that much to you,
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140. I guess you should give
this guy a call
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141. and tell him yes.
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142. Thank you, Hank.
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143. Luanne, I want you to look after
Bobby and Hank while I'm gone.
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144. I would have had you
practice with an egg first,
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145. but there's no time.
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146. You're trusting me?
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147. I will do such a good job
being you,
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148. that you will not even know
that you're gone.
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149. Well, I guess
I should get going.
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150. Wow, this is going to be
the first we'll be apart
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151. for more than
a couple of days.
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152. Yeah, uh, Peggy, remember
to take your glasses off
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153. before you take
a nap on the plane.
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154. I will, Hank.
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155. Peggy, not in the airport.
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156. I trust your
flight was good.
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157. You know I've never flown
first class before.
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158. My husband says
coach is just as good...
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159. you get there
at the same time.
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160. Yes, yes.
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161. People who have never
flown first class always say that.
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162. Ah, Señora Hill,
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163. These are my
children, your students.
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164. Antonio
and Christina.
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165. Hola, Señora Hill.
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166. Hola.
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167. Señora, you have
had a long flight.
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168. May I suggest you
start fresh manana.
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169. Oh, manana, yes,
of course.
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170. Let me show you around.
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171. Mi casa es tu casa.
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172. Señora Hill, acting
is not my only passion.
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173. I have another...
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174. making homemade wine.
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175. I too have another passion...
Boggle.
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176. It is good to have
many passions, yes?
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177. I have always said...
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178. Uh, these blackouts
happen all the time in Mexico.
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179. One of my children was
conceived in such a blackout.
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180. Would you like to taste
my homemade wine, Señora Hill?
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181. Well, you have the most
spectacular sunsets in Mexico.
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182. Yes, it is the pollution.
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183. My wife and I used to sit
out here every night
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184. and watch the sun
sink behind the city.
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185. If it's not too personal
a question, where is your wife?
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186. She is, uh...
how you say,
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187. with our ancestors.
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188. Oh, I am so sorry.
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189. I miss her very much.
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190. The heart can get lonely.
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191. More wine?
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192. More wine?
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193. Well, who could say no to a
glass of homemade Mexican wine?
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194. This is actually
pretty good, Luanne.
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195. I got the recipe
from Redbook.
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196. Which is actually a magazine.
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197. Well, I'm done.
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198. See ya.
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199. See ya.
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200. Ooh, wait.
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201. I think you're supposed
to excuse yourself
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202. from the table properly.
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203. Sit down, please.
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204. May I be excused
from the table?
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205. Yes, you may.
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206. He's a lovely boy.
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207. Who? Bobby?
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208. Uh-uh-uh.
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209. We do not answer the phone
during dinner hour.
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210. Yes, we do.
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211. Hello.
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212. Hi, Honey, it's me.
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213. How's the new job going?
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214. Oh, it's great.
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215. Señor Filipe took me
on a tour of his mansion.
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216. He showed me his private gym
and wine cellar,
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217. and I tasted some
of his homemade wine.
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218. That sounds unnecessary.
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219. Oh, he was just being courtly.
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220. He's Latin.
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221. That's what they do.
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222. They are courtly.
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223. Well, Hank, you know,
I should get some sleep.
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224. I start teaching tomorrow.
Love you.
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225. Uh... back at ya.
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226. My children have
promised me
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227. that they will listen
to your every word
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228. as if you were their mother.
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229. For you, Señora Hill.
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230. Oh, a mango.
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231. One of the passion fruits.
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232. Gracias, señor.
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233. It's from the children.
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234. Oh, right, Uh-huh.
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235. The children.
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236. Gribble residence.
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237. Nancy, it's Peggy.
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238. Eduardo is flirting
with me big time.
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239. I think he is coming on to me.
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240. Are you sure?
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241. Uh-huh. He used the familiar
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242. tu casa instead of su casa.
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243. We drank wine on a balcony
and watched the sunset.
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244. Where's the wife?
Dead.
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245. Perfect.
Did you flirt back?
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246. I do not know.
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247. Did you blush and giggle?
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248. I may have blushed
and giggled once or twice.
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249. Congratulations, sug.
You were flirting.
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250. But I got to warn you:
Don't enjoy it too much,
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251. because there's this moment
where there is no turning back.
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252. All of a sudden you can't
remember your husband's name.
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253. Your body goes limp,
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254. and then you are pulled down
by the undertow of passion.
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255. You're drowning, sug,
but you don't care.
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256. I will never drown
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257. because I am wearing the
best life preserver there is...
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258. my marriage to Hank.
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259. Margarita.
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260. I want you, Margarita.
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261. I want you like I've wanted
no other woman.
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262. And I am afraid you
cannot have me, Eduardo,
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263. for I have given my
heart to another...
Hank Hill.
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264. Oh, I hate this Hank Hill
for stealing your heart.
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265. Please, I must have you now,
or I will throw myself
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266. off this cliff.
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267. I must refuse
your advances for
the second time.
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268. Eduardo! No!
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269. Think of the children!
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270. What is the capital of Oregon?
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271. Señora Hill, what is
the capital of Oregon?
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272. Huh? Uh, Portland.
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273. No, no, Salem.
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274. Are you sure, Señora?
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275. Who's the American here?
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276. Hey, Luanne, did
you buy any beer?
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277. I know you wanted me
to get a case of beer,
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278. but it's not very healthy,
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279. so I got a case
of V-8juice instead.
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280. But it's my week to bring
the beer out to the alley.
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281. Uncle Hank, V-8juice
has eight vitamins.
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282. Beer has one: Barley.
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283. So Peggy phoned
Nancy last night
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284. and apparently
this Eduardo fella
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285. is real sweet on Peggy.
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286. What?
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287. Dale, I think Nancy
must have had
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288. a bad connection
or something
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289. because I talked to Peggy
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290. and she said that Eduardo
was just being courtly.
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291. Mmm... no...
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292. Doesn't surprise me.
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293. Peggy's a very
beautiful woman.
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294. Shut up, Bill.
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295. Why? Don't you think Peggy
is beautiful, Hank?
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296. Of course I do.
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297. I just don't feel the need
to say it is all.
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298. And that
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299. is why it is called Pittsburgh.
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300. Ah, Señora.
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301. Señora, I need your help, uh,
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302. in the running some lines.
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303. Okay... you are the Ambassador's
beautiful daughter
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304. who speaks no Spanish.
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305. We hide in the drug lord's
greenhouse.
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306. It is hot, very, very hot,
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307. and also very dangerous.
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308. You must stand close.
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309. Oh, well, it is
how people would stand
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310. in a hot,
dangerous greenhouse.
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311. The one thing more
dangerous than my enemies
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312. is your beauty.
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313. "Hold me tight.
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314. I so greatly fear
these enemies who threaten us."
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315. Hush, Rebecca. I believe
my enemies are coming.
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316. And I also believe
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317. that I am falling
in love with you.
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318. Oh, God,
that is good dialogue.
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319. I need an agua de frutas break.
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320. Uncle Hank, we need to have
a serious talk about Bobby.
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321. No we don't.
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322. Now, Bobby's at an age
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323. where we should be
giving him his
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324. Sex talk.
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325. Luanne, stop trying to be
yourAunt Peggy.
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326. You're no Peggy.
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327. You're fired.
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328. Well, I'm glad
you're firing me,
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329. 'cause being Aunt Peggy
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330. is the most thankless
job I've ever had!
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331. No wonder she ran
away to Mexico!
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332. Ai!
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333. Oh, I'm sorry I frightened you,
Señor Filipe.
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334. You did not frighten me.
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335. We need to talk.
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336. Excuse me, Margarita,
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337. but those must be
the roses I had delivered.
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338. Roses?
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339. Yeah, I know this is not
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340. what I brought you
up here for,
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341. but would you mind
getting the roses
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342. and bringing them
to my bedroom?
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343. Si.
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344. Uh, could you place the roses
on the bed?
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345. Maybe... maybe spread
the petals around?
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346. It needs a woman's touch, yes?
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347. Look, Señor,
we really need to talk.
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348. Uh, y-yes, I remember,
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349. but I need a moment
to, uh, prepare myself
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350. and then I will give
you my full attentions.
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351. He wants to kiss me much.
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352. Okay, soon you are going to be
face-to-face
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353. with a naked, wet,
Latin television star.
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354. All right, then what, Peggy?
Huh?
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355. All right, then what, Peggy?
You'll forget what's-his-name...
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356. Oh, God, what is his name?
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357. Hank! Hank Hill.
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358. No, no, no.
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359. I will not give that man the
thrill of me seeing him naked.
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360. No!
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361. Señora Hill, what in
God's name are you doing?
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362. Stop playing coy with me,
Eduardo.
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363. I must insist that you leave,
Señora.
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364. All right, I am not leaving
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365. until you wrap this towel
around you
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366. and you listen
to what I have to say.
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367. Señor Filipe, I understand
that my being an American woman
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368. may seem exotic...
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369. Uh, my wife has
come home early.
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370. What? Yourwife?
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371. Oh, God,
what do we do?
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372. What do we do?
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373. I will go down
to greet her.
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374. Yes! Yes! That's good!
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375. Go! Go! Go!
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376. The roses!
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377. Señora Hill...
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378. where are the roses?
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379. Don't worry. I
took care of them.
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380. Now, where is your wife?
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381. Uh, Señora Hill,
this is my wife Maria.
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382. Hola.
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383. I... I thought you were dead.
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384. No. I was with my ancestors.
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385. No, not my ancestors...
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386. my, uh... ay, como se dice...
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387. My grandparents.
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388. Yes, yes, I told her this.
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389. Señora Filipe, I
just want you to know
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390. that nothing happened
between us.
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391. Even though I was flattered
by your husband's advances,
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392. I am a happily
married woman.
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393. I am so sorry,
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394. but I will not be able
to satisfy your lust for me.
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395. Oh, wait, wait...
l-I am sorry,
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396. I am not sure I understand.
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397. You...
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398. You thought
I wanted you as a lover?
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399. Well, yes.
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400. Well, you couldn't have been
more obvious...
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401. the mango, the roses...
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402. The roses were a surprise
for my wife.
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403. Well, of course you would
say that in front of her.
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404. But you cannot deny your
constant flirting with me.
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405. I mean, the wine, the familiar
use of "tu" instead of "su".
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406. I was just being
a good host.
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407. Señora, I am sorry,
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408. but I do not desire you
in that way at all.
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409. You are, how you
say, um... old.
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410. Old? I am not old.
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411. I am only 41.
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412. Oh, no, I've
done it again.
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413. Anyway, I would
never, never,
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414. never take you
as a lover.
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415. I got it.
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416. Oh, this is so embarrassing.
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417. Uh, yes, it's quite comical.
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418. Look, my wife
finds it comical as well.
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419. Oh... uh...
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420. I'm... I'm sorry.
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421. Hello? Strickland Propane.
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422. Hi, Hank. It's me.
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423. I just thought
you would like to know
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424. that I'm coming home tomorrow.
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425. Turns out my students
were really fast learners.
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426. Well, uh, I'm glad
you're coming back.
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427. It's not the same without you.
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428. Uh, we miss you.
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429. My flight number
is Mexicana Airlines, 710.
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430. Okay, bye!
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431. I have contacted
another teacher for your children.
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432. Her name is Sandra Morgan.
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433. She's 61 years old.
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434. She is old.
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435. Well, then, via con dios.
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436. I meant that as myself,
not as, you know, the character.
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437. Welcome home to Texas, Peggy.
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438. Where is the truck?
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439. Oh, no!
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440. What's this on the floor?
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441. Hank, I...
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442. I have been on a plane
all night.
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443. Whatever is on the floor
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444. I will pick it up
in the morning.
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445. Hey, looks like
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446. chocolates, and, uh...
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447. wow, they're, uh, Kisses.
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448. Did you do this?
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449. Yeah. I got it
from the Redbook.
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450. Hey, I wonder
where they go?
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451. Do they lead to our bed?
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452. Maybe.
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453. They don't lead to the bed.
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454. Nope. Keep going.
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455. To the bathroom?
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456. Uh...
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457. Okay, the tub.
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458. Hank, did you buy
scented candles?
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459. I am tired and I give up.
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460. What am I looking for?
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461. His-and-her sinks.
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462. Well, that's
yours right there.
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463. Turn on the tap.
Give it a try.
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464. You don't like it.
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465. Hank,
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466. I love it.
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467. You know how you
always complain
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468. that I was shaving
and leaving hairs in the sink?
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469. Well, Joe Jack
heard about this plumber
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470. that was going out of business,
and then...
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471. Ripped By mstoll
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472. Wha-hoo!
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473. In Español.
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474. Ai.
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