1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. It's a solid grill,
and at this price...Copy !req
3. Hey! I've been standing
here for 45 minutes!Copy !req
4. Ma'am, I'm the only one
on the floor today,Copy !req
5. so if you could just bear
with me, I...Copy !req
6. Mr. McKenna's delivery
never came.Copy !req
7. Mr. McKenna, we're
a little short-handed...Copy !req
8. Yeah, I understand you can't
grill an excuse, sir, but I...Copy !req
9. Well, sir, I disagree.Copy !req
10. I don't think a monkey
could do my job.Copy !req
11. Hank!Copy !req
12. Oh, Hank,
I am so excited.Copy !req
13. I just joined
the planning committeeCopy !req
14. for the first annual
Viva Los Arlentinos Day.Copy !req
15. Well, I'm glad you had
a good day.Copy !req
16. Mine's been just about
the worst one I can remember.Copy !req
17. We had no one
on the sales floor...Copy !req
18. It is a festivalCopy !req
19. celebrating Arlen's rich
Hispanic heritage.Copy !req
20. And get this, Hank:Copy !req
21. There will be an
actual bull run!Copy !req
22. Isn't that amazing?Copy !req
23. It could mean a lotCopy !req
24. of substitute
Spanish teaching gigs.Copy !req
25. Hank, I want you to join
the committee and help out.Copy !req
26. What do you say?Copy !req
27. Peggy, I'm exhausted.Copy !req
28. I don't have time for some
harebrained bull run.Copy !req
29. Well, then, I guess
I won't have timeCopy !req
30. to prepare
your dinner tonight.Copy !req
31. Hill, why aren't you
in the shower?Copy !req
32. Uh, well, you know how I am
in gym class.Copy !req
33. I barely move.Copy !req
34. Why shower if I don't sweat?Copy !req
35. Ah, nice try.Copy !req
36. That'll get you
an "A" in debate,Copy !req
37. but an "F" in gym.Copy !req
38. Now, shower!Copy !req
39. I always wanted to run
with the bulls.Copy !req
40. Sometimes when I'm
being chased by dogs,Copy !req
41. I pretend they're bulls.Copy !req
42. Geez, Bill, why run
with the bulls?Copy !req
43. At your weight
and cholesterol count,Copy !req
44. if you want to hasten death,Copy !req
45. just jump up and down
a couple of times.Copy !req
46. No, I want the
bulls to do it.Copy !req
47. Guys, I'm too tiredCopy !req
48. to hear a bunch of nonsense
right now.Copy !req
49. Bull runs are stupid.Copy !req
50. They tried one
in Mesquite last year.Copy !req
51. The bulls kept stopping
to eat grass off the sidewalk.Copy !req
52. Things have changed, Hank.Copy !req
53. Mesquite was a wake-up call.Copy !req
54. Now they're pumping the bulls
with testosterone,Copy !req
55. a bona fide magic elixir
of power.Copy !req
56. It makes a creature
bigger, faster,Copy !req
57. meaner, and smarter.Copy !req
58. Like Vin Diesel.Copy !req
59. Exactly like Vin Diesel.Copy !req
60. Our folks are gonna
get trampled and goredCopy !req
61. in a way those wussies
in MesquiteCopy !req
62. could only dream of!Copy !req
63. Hey, Bobby.Copy !req
64. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
65. I'm supposed to ask
you to sign this.Copy !req
66. You're flunking P. E?Copy !req
67. Well, how is that
even possible?Copy !req
68. Uh, well, I guess I'm just
smaller than the other guys.Copy !req
69. I can't keep up.Copy !req
70. Son, P.E. Isn't
about being strong or fastCopy !req
71. or winning points.Copy !req
72. That stuff only matters in...Copy !req
73. well, every single
other area of life.Copy !req
74. But in P.E., all you
have to do is try.Copy !req
75. Okay, I'll try.Copy !req
76. The boy's got no fight
in him.Copy !req
77. I don't get it.Copy !req
78. He spends five hours a day
playing violent video games.Copy !req
79. What's the point if they don't have
any effect on him?Copy !req
80. Maybe he's missing
something.Copy !req
81. Like testosterone!Copy !req
82. Dale...Copy !req
83. It's the perfect
explanation.Copy !req
84. Testosterone provides
everything Bobby's missing: Energy,Copy !req
85. confidence, aggression,
agility, muscle, speed.Copy !req
86. Just give him a little
extra to top him off,Copy !req
87. and sha-sha:
Instant puberty.Copy !req
88. I don't know.Copy !req
89. Now, Joseph...
he's bursting with testosterone.Copy !req
90. Hey, Joseph,
wanna wrestle?Copy !req
91. Oh, God, it hurts!Copy !req
92. It hurts so much!Copy !req
93. Huh.Copy !req
94. Bobby doesn't need
testosterone.Copy !req
95. He needs
his father's acceptance.Copy !req
96. If only his glands
could secrete that.Copy !req
97. Peggy, we're just taking
a growing boy to a doctor.Copy !req
98. There's nothing wrong
with finding out if...Copy !req
99. Hello?Copy !req
100. What?Copy !req
101. I'll be there as
soon as possible.Copy !req
102. Donna's out sick.Copy !req
103. Now I've gotta do
all the bookkeepingCopy !req
104. while I'm doing Joe Jack's
and Enrique's jobs.Copy !req
105. Dang it, dang it!Copy !req
106. All the more reason this visit
is a waste of time, Hank.Copy !req
107. We should just...Copy !req
108. Peggy, just drop it, okay?Copy !req
109. Well, except for being
incurably ticklish,Copy !req
110. I'm a hundred percent
healthy!Copy !req
111. Bobby, good work!Copy !req
112. Now, if you'll
all excuse me,Copy !req
113. it turns out
what I gave in the sample cupCopy !req
114. was only half the story.Copy !req
115. So you couldn't
find anythingCopy !req
116. wrong with him, Doctor?Copy !req
117. Nope.Copy !req
118. He's developing
at a perfectly normal rate.Copy !req
119. Uh-huh. But shouldn't
we be giving himCopy !req
120. maybe just a little
testosterone,Copy !req
121. just to top him off?Copy !req
122. You know,
jump-start that puberty?Copy !req
123. Yes, Mr. Hill, testosterone
can "jump-start' puberty,Copy !req
124. but I don't give
radical hormone therapyCopy !req
125. to young boys who happen to be
mediocre at dodge ball.Copy !req
126. Testosterone is
most commonly prescribedCopy !req
127. to men in their 40s
with Irritable Male Syndrome.Copy !req
128. Irritable what who?Copy !req
129. Irritable Male Syndrome, or IMS.Copy !req
130. It's the male equivalent
of PMS.Copy !req
131. There's a PMS for men?Copy !req
132. Oh, God.Copy !req
133. Look, we don't have
time to talk politics.Copy !req
134. I've gotta get to work.Copy !req
135. Men's testosterone
levels fluctuate wildly
throughout each day.Copy !req
136. In some men,
it can cause lethargy,
anxiety, irritability.Copy !req
137. You have
Irritable Male Syndrome!Copy !req
138. What?Copy !req
139. This is why you didn't wantCopy !req
140. to help me
with Viva Los Arlentinos Day.Copy !req
141. This is why you've been grouchy
and sluggish and...Copy !req
142. Dang it, Peggy,
that's ridiculous!Copy !req
143. I'm just stressed
about my work.Copy !req
144. Well, the stress
you're feeling at workCopy !req
145. could be a result of IMS.Copy !req
146. It's nothing
to be ashamed of.Copy !req
147. Just think of it like
you're having your menses.Copy !req
148. Hank, I'm going
to write youCopy !req
149. a prescription for a low-dosage
testosterone supplement.Copy !req
150. Go ahead and try it for a few...Copy !req
151. I don't need testosterone.Copy !req
152. I just need you two
to get off my got-dang back.Copy !req
153. Let's go, Bobby.Copy !req
154. We're done
with this jackass festival.Copy !req
155. Testosterone could've
elevated Hank's mood,Copy !req
156. improved his whole outlook.Copy !req
157. Well, I should probably, uh,Copy !req
158. turn my back and file
a chart or something.Copy !req
159. Got-dang it!Copy !req
160. I'm out of
clean socks!Copy !req
161. Got-dang it!Copy !req
162. Breakfast is ready!Copy !req
163. Well, Bobby, I've
scheduled a conferenceCopy !req
164. with your P.E. Teacher so
we can discuss the problem.Copy !req
165. Oh, my God, Dad!Copy !req
166. Don't do that!Copy !req
167. I... I forbid it!Copy !req
168. Dang it.
What is going on with you?Copy !req
169. Don't forget
about your coffee, Hank.Copy !req
170. Okay, the real reason
I'm failing P.E. Is...Copy !req
171. I won't take a shower
with the other guys!Copy !req
172. I can't!Copy !req
173. Bobby, do not lay this trip
on your fatherCopy !req
174. while he's trying to enjoy
his coffee.Copy !req
175. He's stressed enough
without you interruptingCopy !req
176. his coffee-drinking time.Copy !req
177. All right, Hank, you're free
to drink your coffee.Copy !req
178. Would you forget
about the coffee?Copy !req
179. Bobby, no one wants to
take a shower after gym.Copy !req
180. It's not fun,
it's not pleasant,Copy !req
181. and usually not
very sanitary,Copy !req
182. but you do it anyway.Copy !req
183. Why?Copy !req
184. Because a big part
of being a manCopy !req
185. is doing things you
don't want to do.Copy !req
186. But there's a way
to get through it:Copy !req
187. You just lower your
eyes to the floor
and count the tiles.Copy !req
188. In my day,
there were 60.Copy !req
189. Count the tiles.Copy !req
190. I'll do it.Copy !req
191. Well, I guess I'm off, too.Copy !req
192. Wait, Hank!Copy !req
193. Don't forget your coffee.Copy !req
194. Yeah, I'm gonna need it
for the day I'm facing.Copy !req
195. And I made you
some more for later.Copy !req
196. Drink it six hours from now,
with a meal.Copy !req
197. Do not mix it
with alcohol.Copy !req
198. Hey, dude, is that a pimple
or another nipple?Copy !req
199. I'll take that "F."Copy !req
200. Ta-da!Copy !req
201. I'll take it.Copy !req
202. You said you were
helping me next.Copy !req
203. Does that
look like me?Copy !req
204. Ma'am, I am going to do whatever
it takes to make you happy.Copy !req
205. Here's the 20-second tour
of the store.Copy !req
206. Are you gettin' happy?Copy !req
207. A little...Copy !req
208. Yep.Copy !req
209. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
210. Y...Copy !req
211. Got-dang right!Copy !req
212. So it turns out, I am not
the actual Dale GribbleCopy !req
213. but a clone of him.Copy !req
214. The original me
is a super-warriorCopy !req
215. from the year 2087.Copy !req
216. The second me, i.e., "l"
was created to help the first meCopy !req
217. fight the invading
Mongol armies.Copy !req
218. Beer, please.Copy !req
219. Dale, that's asinine,
and here's four reasons why:Copy !req
220. You're not gonna clone
a super-warriorCopy !req
221. out of a guy who can't even win
a thumb-wrestling match.Copy !req
222. But, I...Copy !req
223. You've spent your lifeCopy !req
224. swearing that the robots
will exterminate the clonesCopy !req
225. by the end of 2010,Copy !req
226. so which is it,
robots or clones?Copy !req
227. I suppose...Copy !req
228. You've already saidCopy !req
229. you sympathize with the invading
Mongolians of 2087,Copy !req
230. so you'd be the last one
they'd send to fight'em.Copy !req
231. And four:
If you were from the future,Copy !req
232. you would've seen this coming:Copy !req
233. Yeah, man.Copy !req
234. Hey, any of you guys
feel like wrestling?Copy !req
235. Even me?Copy !req
236. Okay.Copy !req
237. It just hurts
so damn much! Ah!Copy !req
238. Great chicken, Peggy.Copy !req
239. Can we have some steak, too?Copy !req
240. Well, you certainly
seem to have a lot of energy, today.Copy !req
241. Yep, and you know,
this afternoon,Copy !req
242. I was pumping some iron,
and I was thinkingCopy !req
243. Arlentinos Day
is gonna be great,Copy !req
244. and I came up with nine ways
you could expedite the workload.Copy !req
245. Hank, I didn't even know
you cared about my...Copy !req
246. In fact, why don't I just go
with you to the meeting tomorrowCopy !req
247. so I can tell everyone my ideas?Copy !req
248. I am upgrading your steak
from Salisbury to sirloin.Copy !req
249. Thanks, Peggy.Copy !req
250. Got-dang it, I love you.Copy !req
251. And I love you, too, son.Copy !req
252. How was P. E?Copy !req
253. Well, uh... you know.Copy !req
254. I just went in there,
in the shower,Copy !req
255. like you said,Copy !req
256. counted the tiles and got out.Copy !req
257. That's great, Bobby.Copy !req
258. Come on, let's go
do some push-ups.Copy !req
259. Huh?Copy !req
260. Wh?Copy !req
261. You know, Peggy,
JAG is a rerun tonight.Copy !req
262. Oh, Hank.Copy !req
263. And so our bull runCopy !req
264. will greatly resemble
the legendary bull runCopy !req
265. of Pamplona, Spain.Copy !req
266. Except that with ours,
the men and the bullsCopy !req
267. will be separated at all timesCopy !req
268. by a 15-foot-high
chain-link fence.Copy !req
269. What? That's crazy!Copy !req
270. Hank, the insurance
is through the roof.Copy !req
271. We do not have
the funds for it.Copy !req
272. If we put on a bull run
with a safety fence,Copy !req
273. our whole town
will look likeCopy !req
274. a bunch
of got-dang jackasses,Copy !req
275. and I'll be got danged
if I'm gonna let that happen!Copy !req
276. Hank, easy.Copy !req
277. If money's the problem,
I'll raise it myself!Copy !req
278. I'll run with the bulls,
and I'll get every businessCopy !req
279. in the tri-county area
to sponsor me.Copy !req
280. That'll cover the insurance
and then some.Copy !req
281. Honey, you are amazing.Copy !req
282. And in five days,
he's already raisedCopy !req
283. half the insurance money
for the bull run.Copy !req
284. He is so energetic
and confident and happyCopy !req
285. and in shape and...Copy !req
286. Oh, sug,
he's having an affair.Copy !req
287. Wha... Nancy,
I can assure you,Copy !req
288. whatever's going on with Hank,Copy !req
289. is not being caused
by another woman.Copy !req
290. Sug, what else rejuvenates
a middle-aged man like that?Copy !req
291. An affair
would explain everything.Copy !req
292. Well,
except for his pimples.Copy !req
293. Oh, now, those are just
a side effect.Copy !req
294. Side effect?Copy !req
295. From happiness.Copy !req
296. You know, they're just
little "zits of joy."Copy !req
297. That iced tea ready?Copy !req
298. Afternoon, ladies.Copy !req
299. Oh, Hank, stop.Copy !req
300. Hank, I've been watching
you jump that thingCopy !req
301. for three hours now.Copy !req
302. I'm exhausted.Copy !req
303. Yeah,
you've trained enough.Copy !req
304. Besides, in a bull run,Copy !req
305. the only thing you'll have
to jump over are mangled bodies.Copy !req
306. I'm not done training,
you idiot!Copy !req
307. Now get on that lawn mower,Copy !req
308. and pretend
you're the bull. Now.Copy !req
309. Okay.Copy !req
310. Grr.Copy !req
311. Is that all
you got? C'mon!Copy !req
312. Hey!Copy !req
313. My God, Hank's getting
right in the bull's face.Copy !req
314. I'll kick your fat
bull ass! C'mon!Copy !req
315. Ow!Copy !req
316. You play too rough!Copy !req
317. I'm going home.Copy !req
318. Who wants to
take his place?Copy !req
319. Talkin' about
dang ol'Copy !req
320. no thank you, man.Copy !req
321. I have a lot of calls
to return.Copy !req
322. Well, fine, then.Copy !req
323. I don't want training help
from a bunch of wussies anyway.Copy !req
324. 'Sup?Copy !req
325. 'Sup?Copy !req
326. Hank, I picked up
some Clearasil for your acne.Copy !req
327. Hey, where are you
heading off to so fast?Copy !req
328. Well, I have to get
dinner ready.Copy !req
329. Dinner can wait.Copy !req
330. I say we hit
the bedroom.Copy !req
331. Hank, we can't
fool around now.Copy !req
332. Your dad is on his way over
for dinner.Copy !req
333. What?Copy !req
334. Dang it,
he always ruins everything!Copy !req
335. Why does he have to be here?Copy !req
336. I got my own house so I wouldn't
have to deal with his crap.Copy !req
337. Can you hear yourself?Copy !req
338. Yeah, I can hear myself.Copy !req
339. Can you hear this?Copy !req
340. I never told you
to secretly dope your husband.Copy !req
341. Well, you didn't say
not to, did you?Copy !req
342. Medicine is no place
for mixed signals, Doctor.Copy !req
343. Peggy, the amount
of testosteroneCopy !req
344. you've given
Hank is dangerous.Copy !req
345. You've effectively
caused himCopy !req
346. to go through puberty again.Copy !req
347. Well, that explains
the constant hair combingCopy !req
348. and why he's hanging out
at the mall all the time.Copy !req
349. But don't worry,
I have stopped cold turkey.Copy !req
350. Whoa, don't do that.Copy !req
351. When the body is given
excessive testosterone,Copy !req
352. it stops making its own.Copy !req
353. Consequently, Hank's testicles
may have shrunkenCopy !req
354. by as much as 20%.Copy !req
355. Oh, my God.Copy !req
356. This is just the kind of thing
that upsets him.Copy !req
357. And now, with
no testosterone
coming from pillsCopy !req
358. or from his own glands,Copy !req
359. Hank's cognitive and
physical abilitiesCopy !req
360. will be severely impaired.Copy !req
361. So you're saying that my husband
will be soft, timid and weak,Copy !req
362. and have defunct genitalia?Copy !req
363. It's okay, Peggy.Copy !req
364. He just needs to ease off
the testosterone gradually.Copy !req
365. Have him wear this
for about a week.Copy !req
366. It's a trans-scrotal patch.Copy !req
367. Of course it is.Copy !req
368. He'll affix it
to his scrotum,Copy !req
369. and testosterone will
absorb into his systemCopy !req
370. at slow, steady levels.Copy !req
371. And so it's come to this.Copy !req
372. Ah, dang it.Copy !req
373. I don't know what's wrong.Copy !req
374. It's like somebody sucked
all the life out of me.Copy !req
375. Hank, I have to tell you
something.Copy !req
376. You what?Copy !req
377. Minh, come quick!Copy !req
378. Hank and Peggy having
old school, redneck,Copy !req
379. domestic squabble
on front lawn!Copy !req
380. How could you, Peggy?Copy !req
381. Oh, I bet she burn
the meat loaf.Copy !req
382. It caused what?Copy !req
383. Why he point at his crotch
like that?Copy !req
384. 20% shrinkage?Copy !req
385. You want me to put a patch
on my what?Copy !req
386. Okay, this going in
a weird direction now.Copy !req
387. So over these
last weeks,Copy !req
388. all my energy,
my strength,Copy !req
389. my confidence,
my happiness...Copy !req
390. Completely meaningless, Hank.Copy !req
391. I'm sorry.Copy !req
392. I think I want to yell at you,Copy !req
393. but I don't know if it's me
or the hormones,Copy !req
394. or the lack
of 'em, or...Copy !req
395. Hey, Hank!Copy !req
396. I know you're already
all pumped upCopy !req
397. for the big bull run,Copy !req
398. but I thought this tape might
put you even more in the mood.Copy !req
399. When Bull Gorings Go Bad.Copy !req
400. You're a brave
man, Hank.Copy !req
401. Personally, I watched
two minutes of it and vomited.Copy !req
402. Check out the pictures
on the back.Copy !req
403. I suppose we'll have
to call your sponsorsCopy !req
404. and tell them you can't
run with the bulls tomorrow.Copy !req
405. I'm sure they'll understand when
I explain to them that you...Copy !req
406. Oh...Copy !req
407. No. I made a promise
to those people.Copy !req
408. Maybe you could wait
a year.Copy !req
409. You know,
until you're full strength?Copy !req
410. No, sir.
Unless their checks bounced,Copy !req
411. I'm running with the bulls.Copy !req
412. But Hank, honey,
everything's changed.Copy !req
413. Now you aren't even
able to...Copy !req
414. I can still do everything,
just not as well.Copy !req
415. The only real difference
is that now I'm scared.Copy !req
416. But if you're scared, why?Copy !req
417. Because a man does
what he has to do.Copy !req
418. You were scared to take
a shower in gym class,Copy !req
419. but you did it anyway.Copy !req
420. Well, running with
the bulls is my shower.Copy !req
421. If you feel like
you have to run tomorrow,Copy !req
422. at least wear this.Copy !req
423. There is no rule
that says you can't.Copy !req
424. No, Peggy, no
more testosterone.Copy !req
425. I'm not going
through puberty again.Copy !req
426. I didn't like it
when I was 14,Copy !req
427. and I didn't like
it last week.Copy !req
428. Your hormone level is so lowCopy !req
429. this will give you just enough
to be normal.Copy !req
430. Like when you were a man.Copy !req
431. Mr. Hill, we are
so grateful forCopy !req
432. your enthusiasm
and your bravery.Copy !req
433. You have helped the
Arlen Latin Heritage
Society greatly.Copy !req
434. Well, my pleasure.Copy !req
435. Obviously, we wanted
to say this to you nowCopy !req
436. in the event that
you become deadCopy !req
437. sometime within
the next half hour.Copy !req
438. Come on, Bobby,
it's time to go to the parade!Copy !req
439. Runners, take your places!Copy !req
440. Hank!Copy !req
441. Hank Hill! I demand that
you put this on yourself, now!Copy !req
442. Peggy, put that away!Copy !req
443. Dad, don't run
with the bulls!Copy !req
444. You don't have
to prove anything to me!Copy !req
445. I lied to you!
I never showered!Copy !req
446. I was too scared!Copy !req
447. You what?Copy !req
448. I'm sorry! I failed you!Copy !req
449. That's why
I'm not worth dying for!Copy !req
450. Wear the patch, Hank!Copy !req
451. Don't run, Dad!Copy !req
452. Bobby, I'm running
with the bulls,Copy !req
453. and I'm gonna do it
without the patch.Copy !req
454. Between the drugging
and the lying,Copy !req
455. one of us in this family
has got to show someCopy !req
456. got-dang integrity!Copy !req
457. Okay, Hank, macho!Copy !req
458. Run, Hank!Copy !req
459. All right, Hank!Copy !req
460. This is the bravest thing I've
ever seen in my entire life.Copy !req
461. Just count the tiles.Copy !req
462. One, two...Copy !req
463. That's my soap.Copy !req
464. Three, four...Copy !req
465. Dudes, check me out.Copy !req
466. I call this
"eggs over easy."Copy !req
467. Five, six...Copy !req
468. Ripped By mstollCopy !req