1. It's a solid grill, and at this price…Copy !req
2. Hey! I've been standing here
for 45 minutes!Copy !req
3. Ma'am, I'm the only one
on the floor today,Copy !req
4. so if you could just bear with me, I…Copy !req
5. Mr. McKenna's delivery never came.Copy !req
6. Mr. McKenna, we're
a little short-handed…Copy !req
7. Yeah, I, I understand you can't
grill an excuse, sir, but I…Copy !req
8. Well, sir, I disagree.Copy !req
9. I don't think a monkey could do my job.Copy !req
10. Hank!Copy !req
11. Oh, Hank, I am so excited.Copy !req
12. I just joined the planning committeeCopy !req
13. for the first annual
Viva Los Arlentinos Day.Copy !req
14. Well, I'm glad you had a good day.Copy !req
15. Mine's been just about
the worst one I can remember.Copy !req
16. We had no one on the sales floor…Copy !req
17. It is a festivalCopy !req
18. celebrating Arlen's rich
Hispanic heritage.Copy !req
19. And get this, Hank.Copy !req
20. There will be an actual bull run!Copy !req
21. Isn't that amazing?Copy !req
22. It could mean a lot
of substitute Spanish teaching gigs.Copy !req
23. Hank, I want you to join
the committee and help out.Copy !req
24. What do you say?Copy !req
25. Peggy, I'm exhausted.Copy !req
26. I don't have time
for some harebrained bull run.Copy !req
27. Well, then, I guess I won't have timeCopy !req
28. to prepare your dinner tonight.Copy !req
29. Hey, out of the way!Copy !req
30. Hill, why aren't you in the shower?Copy !req
31. Uh, well, you know how I am in gym class.Copy !req
32. I barely move.Copy !req
33. Why shower if I don't sweat?Copy !req
34. Oh, nice try.Copy !req
35. That'll get you an "A" in debate,Copy !req
36. but an "F" in gym.Copy !req
37. Now, shower!Copy !req
38. I always wanted to run with the bulls.Copy !req
39. Sometimes when I'm being chased by dogs,Copy !req
40. I pretend they're bulls.Copy !req
41. Jeez, Bill, why run with the bulls?Copy !req
42. At your weight and cholesterol count,Copy !req
43. if you wanna hasten death,Copy !req
44. just jump up and down a couple of times.Copy !req
45. No, I want the bulls to do it.Copy !req
46. Guys, I'm too tiredCopy !req
47. to hear a bunch of nonsense right now.Copy !req
48. Bull runs are stupid.Copy !req
49. They tried one in Mesquite last year.Copy !req
50. The bulls kept stopping
to eat grass off the sidewalk.Copy !req
51. Things have changed, Hank.Copy !req
52. Mesquite was a wake-up call.Copy !req
53. Now they're pumping the bulls
with testosterone,Copy !req
54. a bona fide magic elixir of power.Copy !req
55. It makes a creature bigger, faster,
meaner, and smarter.Copy !req
56. Like Vin Diesel.Copy !req
57. Exactly like Vin Diesel.Copy !req
58. Our folks are gonna get trampled and goredCopy !req
59. in a way those wussies in MesquiteCopy !req
60. could only dream of!Copy !req
61. Hey, Bobby.Copy !req
62. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
63. I'm supposed to ask you to sign this.Copy !req
64. You're flunking PE?Copy !req
65. Well, how is that even possible?Copy !req
66. Uh, well, I guess I'm just
smaller than the other guys.Copy !req
67. I can't keep up.Copy !req
68. Son, PE isn't about being strong or fastCopy !req
69. or winning points.Copy !req
70. That stuff only matters inCopy !req
71. well, every single other area of life.Copy !req
72. But in PE, all you have to do is try.Copy !req
73. Okay, I'll try.Copy !req
74. The boy's got no fight in him.Copy !req
75. I don't get it.Copy !req
76. He spends five hours a day
playing violent video games.Copy !req
77. What's the point
if they don't have any effect on him?Copy !req
78. Maybe he's missing something.Copy !req
79. Like testosterone!Copy !req
80. - Dale…
- It's the perfect explanation.Copy !req
81. Testosterone provides
everything Bobby's missing.Copy !req
82. Energy, confidence, aggression,
agility, muscle, speed.Copy !req
83. Just give him
a little extra to top him off,Copy !req
84. and sha-sha!Copy !req
85. Instant puberty.Copy !req
86. I don't know.Copy !req
87. Now, Joseph… he's bursting
with testosterone.Copy !req
88. Hey, Joseph, wanna wrestle?Copy !req
89. Oh, god, it hurts!Copy !req
90. It hurts so much!Copy !req
91. Huh.Copy !req
92. Bobby doesn't need testosterone.Copy !req
93. He needs his father's acceptance.Copy !req
94. If only his glands
could secrete that.Copy !req
95. Peggy, we're just takingCopy !req
96. a growing boy to a doctor.Copy !req
97. There's nothing wrong
with finding out if…Copy !req
98. Hello?Copy !req
99. What?Copy !req
100. I'll be there as soon as possible.Copy !req
101. Donna's out sick.Copy !req
102. Now I've gotta do all the bookkeepingCopy !req
103. while I'm doing Joe Jack's
and Enrique's jobs.Copy !req
104. Dang it, dang it!Copy !req
105. All the more reason this visit
is a waste of time, Hank.Copy !req
106. We should just…Copy !req
107. Peggy, just drop it, okay?Copy !req
108. Well,Copy !req
109. except for being incurably ticklish,Copy !req
110. I'm a hundred percent healthy!Copy !req
111. Bobby, good work!Copy !req
112. Now, if you'll all excuse me,Copy !req
113. it turns out what I gave in the sample cupCopy !req
114. was only half the story.Copy !req
115. So you couldn't find anything
wrong with him, doctor?Copy !req
116. Nope. He's developing
at a perfectly normal rate.Copy !req
117. Uh-huh. But shouldn't we be giving himCopy !req
118. maybe just a little testosterone,Copy !req
119. just to top him off?Copy !req
120. You know, jump-start that puberty?Copy !req
121. Yes, Mr. Hill, testosterone
can "jump-start" puberty,Copy !req
122. but I don't give radical hormone therapyCopy !req
123. to young boys who happen to be
mediocre at dodgeball.Copy !req
124. Testosterone is most commonly prescribedCopy !req
125. to men in their forties
with Irritable Male Syndrome.Copy !req
126. Irritable what? Who?Copy !req
127. Irritable Male Syndrome, or IMS.Copy !req
128. It's the male equivalent of PMS.Copy !req
129. There's a PMS for men?Copy !req
130. Oh, god.Copy !req
131. Look, we don't have time to talk politics.Copy !req
132. I've gotta get to work.Copy !req
133. Men's testosterone levels fluctuate wildly
throughout each day.Copy !req
134. In some men, it can cause lethargy,
anxiety, irritability.Copy !req
135. - You have Irritable Male Syndrome!
- What?Copy !req
136. This is why you didn't wanna help me
with Viva Los Arlentinos Day.Copy !req
137. This is why you've been grouchy
and sluggish and…Copy !req
138. Dangit, Peggy, that's ridiculous!Copy !req
139. I'm just stressed about my work.Copy !req
140. Well, the stress you're feeling at work
could be a result of IMS.Copy !req
141. It's nothing to be ashamed of.Copy !req
142. Just think of it like
you're having your menses.Copy !req
143. Hank, I'm gonna write you a prescriptionCopy !req
144. for a low-dosage testosterone supplement.Copy !req
145. Go ahead and try it for a few…Copy !req
146. I don't need testosterone.Copy !req
147. I just need you two
to get off my goddang back.Copy !req
148. Let's go, Bobby.Copy !req
149. We're done with this jackass festival.Copy !req
150. Testosterone could've
elevated Hank's mood,Copy !req
151. improved his whole outlook.Copy !req
152. Well, I should probably, uh,Copy !req
153. turn my back
and file a chart or something.Copy !req
154. Goddang it! I'm out of clean socks!Copy !req
155. Dangit!Copy !req
156. Breakfast is ready!Copy !req
157. Well, Bobby,Copy !req
158. I've scheduled a conference
with your PE teacherCopy !req
159. so we can discuss the problem.Copy !req
160. Oh, my god, Dad!Copy !req
161. Don't do that!Copy !req
162. I… I forbid it!Copy !req
163. Dangit. What is going on with you?Copy !req
164. Don't forget about your coffee, Hank.Copy !req
165. Okay, the real reason
I'm failing PE is…Copy !req
166. I won't take a shower with the other guys!Copy !req
167. I can't!Copy !req
168. Bobby, do not lay this trip on your fatherCopy !req
169. while he's trying to enjoy his coffee.Copy !req
170. He's stressed enough
without you interruptingCopy !req
171. his coffee-drinking time.Copy !req
172. All right, Hank, you're free
to drink your coffee.Copy !req
173. Would you forget about the coffee?Copy !req
174. Bobby, no one wants
to take a shower after gym.Copy !req
175. It's not fun, it's not pleasant,Copy !req
176. and usually not very sanitary,Copy !req
177. but you do it anyway.Copy !req
178. Why?Copy !req
179. Because a big part of being a manCopy !req
180. is doing things you don't wanna do.Copy !req
181. But there's a way to get through it:Copy !req
182. You just lower your eyes to the floor
and count the tiles.Copy !req
183. In my day, there were 60.Copy !req
184. Count the tiles.Copy !req
185. I'll do it.Copy !req
186. Well, I guess I'm off, too.Copy !req
187. Wait, Hank!Copy !req
188. Don't forget your coffee.Copy !req
189. Yeah, I'm gonna need it
for the day I'm facing.Copy !req
190. And I made you some more for later.Copy !req
191. Drink it six hours from now with a meal.Copy !req
192. Do not mix it with alcohol.Copy !req
193. - Hey!
- Hey, dude.Copy !req
194. Is that a pimple or another nipple?Copy !req
195. I'll take that "F."Copy !req
196. Ta-da!Copy !req
197. Woo-hoo! Yeah!Copy !req
198. - All right.
- I'll take it!Copy !req
199. You said you were helping me next.Copy !req
200. Does that look like me?Copy !req
201. Ma'am, I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to make you happy.Copy !req
202. Here's the 20-second tour of the store.Copy !req
203. Are you gettin' happy?Copy !req
204. A little…Copy !req
205. Yup.Copy !req
206. Mm-hm.Copy !req
207. - Y…
- Goddang right!Copy !req
208. So it turns out, I am not
the actual Dale GribbleCopy !req
209. but a clone of him.Copy !req
210. The original me is a super-warriorCopy !req
211. from the year 2087.Copy !req
212. The second me, I.e., "I"Copy !req
213. was created to help the first meCopy !req
214. fight the invading Mongol armies.Copy !req
215. Beer, please.Copy !req
216. Dale, that's asinine,
and here's four reasons why.Copy !req
217. First, you're not gonna clone
a super-warriorCopy !req
218. out of a guy who can't even win
a thumb-wrestling match.Copy !req
219. - But, I…
- Two, you've spent your lifeCopy !req
220. swearing that the robots
will exterminate the clonesCopy !req
221. by the end of 2010,Copy !req
222. so which is it, robots or clones?Copy !req
223. I suppose…Copy !req
224. Three, you've already said you sympathizeCopy !req
225. with the invading Mongolians of 2087,Copy !req
226. so you'd be the last one
they'd send to fight 'em.Copy !req
227. And four, if you were from the future,Copy !req
228. you would've seen this coming.Copy !req
229. Aah!Copy !req
230. - Yeah, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
231. Hey, any of you, guys,
feel like wrestling?Copy !req
232. Even me?Copy !req
233. Okay.Copy !req
234. It just hurts so damn much!Copy !req
235. Aah!Copy !req
236. Great chicken, Peggy.Copy !req
237. Can we have some steak, too?Copy !req
238. Well, you certainly seem to have
a lot of energy, today.Copy !req
239. Yep, and you know, this afternoon,Copy !req
240. I was pumping some iron,
and I was thinking.Copy !req
241. Arlentinos Day is gonna be great,Copy !req
242. and I came up with nine ways
you could expedite the workload.Copy !req
243. Hank, I didn't even know
you cared about my…Copy !req
244. In fact, why don't I just go
with you to the meeting tomorrowCopy !req
245. so I can tell everyone my ideas?Copy !req
246. I am upgrading your steak
from Salisbury to sirloin.Copy !req
247. Thanks, Peggy.Copy !req
248. Goddang it, I love you.Copy !req
249. And I love you, too, son.Copy !req
250. How was PE?Copy !req
251. Well, uh… you know.Copy !req
252. I just went in there, in the shower,Copy !req
253. like you said,Copy !req
254. counted the tiles and got out.Copy !req
255. That's great, Bobby.Copy !req
256. Come on, let's go do some push-ups.Copy !req
257. Huh?Copy !req
258. Wh… Oh.Copy !req
259. You know, Peggy, JAG is a rerun tonight.Copy !req
260. Oh, Hank.Copy !req
261. And so our bull runCopy !req
262. will greatly resemble
the legendary bull runCopy !req
263. of Pamplona, Spain.Copy !req
264. Except that with ours,
the men and the bullsCopy !req
265. will be separated at all timesCopy !req
266. by a 15-foot-high chain-link fence.Copy !req
267. What? That's crazy!Copy !req
268. Hank, the insurance is through the roof.Copy !req
269. We do not have the funds for it.Copy !req
270. If we put on a bull run
with a safety fence,Copy !req
271. our whole town will look likeCopy !req
272. a bunch of goddang jackasses,Copy !req
273. and I'll be goddanged
if I'm gonna let that happen!Copy !req
274. Hank, easy.Copy !req
275. If money's the problem,
I'll raise it myself!Copy !req
276. I'll run with the bulls,Copy !req
277. and I'll get every businessCopy !req
278. in the tri-county area to sponsor me.Copy !req
279. That'll cover the insurance and then some.Copy !req
280. Honey, you are amazing.Copy !req
281. And in five days, he's already raisedCopy !req
282. half the insurance money for the bull run.Copy !req
283. He is so energetic
and confident and happyCopy !req
284. - and in shape and…
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
285. Oh, shug, he's having an affair.Copy !req
286. Well, Nancy, I can assure you,Copy !req
287. whatever's going on with Hank,Copy !req
288. is not being caused by another woman.Copy !req
289. Shug, what else rejuvenates
a middle-aged man like that?Copy !req
290. An affair would explain everything.Copy !req
291. Well, except for his pimples.Copy !req
292. Oh, now, those are just a side effect.Copy !req
293. Side effect?Copy !req
294. From… happiness!Copy !req
295. You know, they're just
little "zits of joy."Copy !req
296. That iced tea ready?Copy !req
297. Afternoon, ladies.Copy !req
298. Oh, Hank, stop.Copy !req
299. Hank, I've been watching you jump
that thingCopy !req
300. for three hours now.Copy !req
301. I'm exhausted.Copy !req
302. Yeah, you've trained enough.Copy !req
303. Besides, in a bull run,Copy !req
304. the only thing you'll have
to jump over are mangled bodies.Copy !req
305. I'm not done training, you idiot!Copy !req
306. Now get on that lawn mower,Copy !req
307. and pretend you're the bull. Now.Copy !req
308. Okay.Copy !req
309. Grr…Copy !req
310. Is that all you got? C'mon!Copy !req
311. Hey!Copy !req
312. My God, Hank's getting right
in the bull's face.Copy !req
313. I'll kick your fat bull ass! C'mon!Copy !req
314. Ow!Copy !req
315. You play too rough!Copy !req
316. I'm going home.Copy !req
317. Who wants to take his place?Copy !req
318. Talkin' about dang ol'…
no, thank you, man.Copy !req
319. I have a lot of calls to return.Copy !req
320. Well, fine, then.Copy !req
321. I don't want training help
from a bunch of wussies anyway.Copy !req
322. 'Sup?Copy !req
323. 'Sup?Copy !req
324. Hank, I picked up some Clearasil
for your acne.Copy !req
325. Hey, where are you headed off to so fast?Copy !req
326. Well, I have to get dinner ready.Copy !req
327. Dinner can wait.Copy !req
328. I say we hit the bedroom.Copy !req
329. Hank, we can't fool around now.Copy !req
330. Your dad is on his way over for dinner.Copy !req
331. What?Copy !req
332. Dangit, he always ruins everything!Copy !req
333. Why does he have to be here?Copy !req
334. I got my own house
so I wouldn't have to deal with his crap.Copy !req
335. Can you hear yourself?Copy !req
336. Yeah, I can hear myself.Copy !req
337. Can you hear this?Copy !req
338. I never told you
to secretly dope your husband.Copy !req
339. Well, you didn't say not to, did you?Copy !req
340. Medicine is no place
for mixed signals, doctor.Copy !req
341. Peggy, the amount of testosterone
you've given Hank is dangerous.Copy !req
342. You've effectively caused him
to go through puberty again.Copy !req
343. Well, that explains
the constant hair combing,Copy !req
344. and why he's hanging out
at the mall all the time.Copy !req
345. But don't worry,
I have stopped cold turkey.Copy !req
346. Whoa, don't do that.Copy !req
347. When the body is given
excessive testosterone,Copy !req
348. it stops making its own.Copy !req
349. Consequently, Hank's testicles
may have shrunkenCopy !req
350. by as much as 20 percent.Copy !req
351. Oh, my god.Copy !req
352. This is just the kind of thing
that upsets him.Copy !req
353. And now, with no testosterone
coming from pillsCopy !req
354. or from his own glands,Copy !req
355. Hank's cognitive and physical abilities
will be severely impaired.Copy !req
356. So you're saying that my husband
will be soft, timid, and weak,Copy !req
357. and have defunct genitalia?Copy !req
358. It's okay, Peggy.Copy !req
359. He just needs to ease off
the testosterone gradually.Copy !req
360. Have him wear this for about a week.Copy !req
361. It's a trans-scrotal patch.Copy !req
362. Of course, it is.Copy !req
363. He'll affix it to his scrotum,Copy !req
364. and testosterone
will absorb into his systemCopy !req
365. at slow, steady levels.Copy !req
366. And so it's come to this.Copy !req
367. Dangit!Copy !req
368. I don't know what's wrong.Copy !req
369. It's like somebody sucked
all the life out of me.Copy !req
370. Hank, I have to tell you something.Copy !req
371. You what?Copy !req
372. Minh, come quick!Copy !req
373. Hank and Peggy having old school, redneck,Copy !req
374. domestic squabble on front lawn!Copy !req
375. How could you, Peggy?Copy !req
376. Oh, I bet she burn the meat loaf.Copy !req
377. It caused what?Copy !req
378. Why he point at his crotch like that?Copy !req
379. Twenty percent shrinkage?Copy !req
380. You want me to put a patch on my what?Copy !req
381. Okay, this going in a weird direction now.Copy !req
382. So over these last weeks,Copy !req
383. all my energy, my strength,Copy !req
384. my confidence, my happiness…Copy !req
385. Completely meaningless, Hank.Copy !req
386. I'm sorry.Copy !req
387. I think I want to yell at you,Copy !req
388. but I don't know if it's me
or the hormones,Copy !req
389. or the lack of 'em, or…Copy !req
390. Hey, Hank!Copy !req
391. I know you're already all pumped up
for the big bull run,Copy !req
392. but I thought this tape might
put you even more in the mood.Copy !req
393. "When Bull Gorings Go Bad."Copy !req
394. You're a brave man, Hank.Copy !req
395. Personally, I watched two minutes of it
and vomited.Copy !req
396. Check out the pictures on the back.Copy !req
397. I suppose we'll have to call your sponsorsCopy !req
398. and tell them you can't run
with the bulls tomorrow.Copy !req
399. I'm sure they'll understand
when I explain to them that you…Copy !req
400. Oh.Copy !req
401. No. I made a promise to those people.Copy !req
402. Maybe you could wait a year.Copy !req
403. You know, until you're full strength?Copy !req
404. No, sir. Unless their checks bounced,Copy !req
405. I'm running with the bulls.Copy !req
406. But, Hank, honey, everything's changed.Copy !req
407. Now you aren't even able to…Copy !req
408. I can still do everything,
just not as well.Copy !req
409. The only real difference
is that now I'm scared.Copy !req
410. But if you're scared, why…Copy !req
411. Because a man does what he has to do.Copy !req
412. You were scared to take
a shower in gym class,Copy !req
413. but you did it anyway.Copy !req
414. Well, running with the bulls is my shower.Copy !req
415. If you feel like you have to run tomorrow,Copy !req
416. at least wear this.Copy !req
417. There is no rule that says you can't.Copy !req
418. No, Peggy, no more testosterone.Copy !req
419. I'm not going through puberty again.Copy !req
420. I didn't like it when I was 14,Copy !req
421. and I didn't like it last week.Copy !req
422. Your hormone level is so lowCopy !req
423. this will give you just enough
to be normal.Copy !req
424. Like when you were a man.Copy !req
425. Mr. Hill, we are so grateful
for your enthusiasm and your bravery.Copy !req
426. You have helped
the Arlen Latin Heritage Society greatly.Copy !req
427. Well, my pleasure.Copy !req
428. Obviously, we wanted
to say this to you nowCopy !req
429. in the event that you become deadCopy !req
430. sometime within the next half hour.Copy !req
431. Come on, Bobby,
it's time to go to the parade!Copy !req
432. Hey, man. Check this out!Copy !req
433. Oh, man!Copy !req
434. Runners, take your places!Copy !req
435. Hank!Copy !req
436. Hank Hill!Copy !req
437. I demand that
you put this on yourself, now!Copy !req
438. Peggy, put that away!Copy !req
439. Dad, don't run with the bulls!Copy !req
440. You don't have to prove anything to me!Copy !req
441. I lied to you!Copy !req
442. I never showered!Copy !req
443. I was too scared!Copy !req
444. You what?Copy !req
445. I'm sorry!Copy !req
446. I failed you!Copy !req
447. That's why I'm not worth dying for!Copy !req
448. Wear the patch, Hank!Copy !req
449. Don't run, Dad!Copy !req
450. Dangit, I'm running with the bulls,Copy !req
451. and I'm gonna do it without the patch.Copy !req
452. Between the drugging and the lying,Copy !req
453. one of us in this family
has got to show someCopy !req
454. goddang integrity!Copy !req
455. Go, Hank! Go!Copy !req
456. Run, Dad!Copy !req
457. This is the bravest thing
I've ever seen in my entire life.Copy !req
458. Just count the tiles.Copy !req
459. One, two…Copy !req
460. That's my soap.Copy !req
461. Three, four…Copy !req
462. Dudes, check me out.Copy !req
463. I call this "eggs over easy."Copy !req
464. Five, six…Copy !req
465. Dangit! I'm out of clean socks!Copy !req
466. Dangit!Copy !req