1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. Yep.Copy !req
3. Yep.Copy !req
4. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
5. Dale, what the heck
are you doing in my yard?Copy !req
6. Giving it
peace of mind.Copy !req
7. "This is a bill
for servicesCopy !req
8. provided by... Daletech"?Copy !req
9. That's my home
security company.Copy !req
10. I've been providing
protection with my constantCopy !req
11. surveillance
for years.Copy !req
12. Well, the free ride is over.Copy !req
13. Hey, Hank.Copy !req
14. Interested in lap dance?Copy !req
15. No, Kahn.Copy !req
16. I'm interested in you
putting a privacy hedgeCopy !req
17. in front of your
bathroom window.Copy !req
18. We all have them.Copy !req
19. Hank made me
plant two hedges.Copy !req
20. I agree.Copy !req
21. The ugly and working class
should have privacy hedges.Copy !req
22. But you don't keep
a Ferrari in the garage.Copy !req
23. Can Daletech do anythingCopy !req
24. about getting me
a privacy hedge?Copy !req
25. To be honest,
we're more intoCopy !req
26. the invasion
of privacy businessCopy !req
27. than the creation
of privacy business.Copy !req
28. Peggy, could you
hurry up with that toast?Copy !req
29. I want to get
out of hereCopy !req
30. before Kahn takes his shower.Copy !req
31. Bobby? Did you drink
my grape fruit juice?Copy !req
32. Yeah, sure, Dad.Copy !req
33. I drank your grape fruit juice.Copy !req
34. I had it with
a big bowl of broccoli.Copy !req
35. No, I didn't.Copy !req
36. Fine! Call your lawyer!Copy !req
37. Steak and eggs.
Bloody, but not raw.Copy !req
38. Grandpa!Copy !req
39. Where's Grandma Didi
and G. H?Copy !req
40. Gone to visit her folks.
I'm flopping here.Copy !req
41. Oh, that's great, Dad.
You can sleep in the...Copy !req
42. H-How long
will they be gone?Copy !req
43. Summer, part of autumn.
Don't know.Copy !req
44. Can't you stay
with anyone else?Copy !req
45. Your war buddies?
Stinky, Stanky, Smelly?Copy !req
46. They've all been shoved
into retirement homes.Copy !req
47. Got useless and got locked up.Copy !req
48. All except Topsy.Copy !req
49. Topsy? Perfect!
You guys couldCopy !req
50. hang out at his place,
play checkers at his place.Copy !req
51. He's playing checkers
with worms.Copy !req
52. Died six months ago.Copy !req
53. Damn him.Copy !req
54. Hank, your wife
let the salt run out.Copy !req
55. Which one's the salt?Copy !req
56. Flour. Sugar.
Dog food.Copy !req
57. Sody pop.Copy !req
58. Look, Hank.Copy !req
59. I realize Cotton
is your fatherCopy !req
60. and you can't throw
him out on the street,Copy !req
61. but the man drives me nuts.Copy !req
62. We should send him
to senior daycare.Copy !req
63. They have daycare for seniors?Copy !req
64. It's the newest craze.Copy !req
65. Since life expectancy
has spiraled out of control,Copy !req
66. many nursery schools
are being convertedCopy !req
67. to accommodate seniors.Copy !req
68. I'll pack him a sack lunch.Copy !req
69. I couldn't do that to my dad.Copy !req
70. He's just
at loose ends.Copy !req
71. You just missed the criminals
who did this, Hank.Copy !req
72. Sure am glad
I'm protected by Daletech.Copy !req
73. Were they about
five-foot, ten,Copy !req
74. wearing a baseball cap
and about to getCopy !req
75. their ass kicked by me?Copy !req
76. Um, it all happened so fast.
I uh,Copy !req
77. Hey, Hank! Look! Propane!Copy !req
78. Look at this,
Hank's wife.Copy !req
79. I've never seen a Far-Easterner
spend so much time primping.Copy !req
80. Not now, Cotton.
I'm busy.Copy !req
81. He got a half a bottle
of pomade in his hair.Copy !req
82. That man gets near a flame,Copy !req
83. he's going to look
like Chinese New Year.Copy !req
84. What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?Copy !req
85. Baking? Sewing?Copy !req
86. Which one is it?Copy !req
87. I am trying to make
a crossword puzzleCopy !req
88. for my Espanol class.Copy !req
89. I need
a four-letterword...Copy !req
90. Tent! Food! Ammo!Copy !req
91. Guns! Tojo!Copy !req
92. Horse! No, that's five.Copy !req
93. Cotton!
This is a Spanish crossword.Copy !req
94. Oh! Taco! Bean!Copy !req
95. Cuba! Peso! Agua!Copy !req
96. Hey, Hank!Copy !req
97. You forgot this!Copy !req
98. Mucho! Lucho!Copy !req
99. Grande! Enchilada!Copy !req
100. What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?Copy !req
101. Now all I need you
to do is stapleCopy !req
102. the Char-King
warranty cardsCopy !req
103. to the front
of the owner's manuals.Copy !req
104. Think you can
handle that, Dad?Copy !req
105. I made you, didn't I?Copy !req
106. So I sees you
in the market for a grill.Copy !req
107. Yes, sir.Copy !req
108. Do you know if this
model is self-cleaning?Copy !req
109. Like a cat.Copy !req
110. All you gots to do is, eh...Copy !req
111. push this red button.Copy !req
112. So, uh, Dad,Copy !req
113. I thought you might
enjoy this, uh,Copy !req
114. well, social club.Copy !req
115. You brought me to a brothel.Copy !req
116. Sorry about the murals,Copy !req
117. but we're still
in transition.Copy !req
118. Don't matter to me, madam.Copy !req
119. Where can I transition
into my underpants?Copy !req
120. Aw, did you
have an accident?Copy !req
121. You accept Blue Cross?Copy !req
122. What kind of brothel is this?Copy !req
123. It's an activity center.Copy !req
124. It'll be fun, Dad.
Just give it a chance.Copy !req
125. Bye!Copy !req
126. I'm not sleepy!Copy !req
127. Come on!Copy !req
128. You think I'm used up?Copy !req
129. I can outfight, out drink
and outdo anyone I know.Copy !req
130. Hmm. Double murder
in Detroit last night,Copy !req
131. wasn't protected
by Daletech.Copy !req
132. Oh, God.Copy !req
133. What now?Copy !req
134. Hello, Officers.Copy !req
135. Uh, what kind of trouble
is my father in?Copy !req
136. Sir, he's not
in any troubleCopy !req
137. now that we got him out
of that nursery school.Copy !req
138. A war hero
like your dadCopy !req
139. still has a lot
to give to society.Copy !req
140. I'm an auxiliary policeman now.Copy !req
141. Sworn to serve and to protect.Copy !req
142. What? Really?Copy !req
143. With all the budget cuts,Copy !req
144. our manpower's been
stretched to its limits.Copy !req
145. That's why we started a senior
division of Citizens on Patrol.Copy !req
146. Officer Hill.Copy !req
147. Well, this is
great, Dad.Copy !req
148. So what do
you actually do?Copy !req
149. You hang out
at the station?Copy !req
150. Get the officers coffee?
Answer phones?Copy !req
151. Nope.
I gots myself a real beat.Copy !req
152. The cops said I'm the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.Copy !req
153. But Daletech's the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.Copy !req
154. Not anymore.Copy !req
155. Well, I think that's,
that's...Copy !req
156. You sassing me?
No!Copy !req
157. Too tight. Too tight!Copy !req
158. All right,
I'm in chargeCopy !req
159. of keeping
the peace now.Copy !req
160. So if anyone thinks
I'm notworth the spit to shine a shoe,Copy !req
161. they better be ready
to talk to meCopy !req
162. and my partner,
Sgt. Whippy.Copy !req
163. Oh, that's great, Dad.Copy !req
164. But remember, you're supposedCopy !req
165. to be the eyes and ears
of the neighborhood,Copy !req
166. not the... whippy.Copy !req
167. Damn that Cotton.Copy !req
168. They'll never pay
for my Daletech serviceCopy !req
169. now that he's working for free.Copy !req
170. Nope, Cotton's got to go.Copy !req
171. But he's got Hank behind him
and Hank's the alpha-neighbor.Copy !req
172. I'm gamma or delta at best.Copy !req
173. Well, I didn't get
to be president of DaletechCopy !req
174. by playing by the rules.Copy !req
175. So Operation Turn Everyone
Against CottonCopy !req
176. is in motion... now!Copy !req
177. Sounds good, Sug.Copy !req
178. Could you add the softener
when the washer dings?Copy !req
179. Oh,Copy !req
180. I'll add the softener
on the ding.Copy !req
181. I don't know, Hank.Copy !req
182. Cotton working
as a cop?Copy !req
183. He has a terrible
human rights record.Copy !req
184. Don't worry.Copy !req
185. I checked
with the police departmentCopy !req
186. and he doesn't have
any actual police authority.Copy !req
187. Well, I'm off to chop down
that birdhouse.Copy !req
188. Too much chirping
disturbs the peace.Copy !req
189. Uh, Dad, I don't think
that's such a... dang it!Copy !req
190. Who moved this coffee table?Copy !req
191. First, my grapefruit
juice disappears.Copy !req
192. Now, someone's moving
the coffee table.Copy !req
193. Well, so you thinks someone
is breakin' inCopy !req
194. and messin' with
your stuff, do ya?Copy !req
195. No, Dad,
I'm sure it's nothing.Copy !req
196. Oh, well, I got
some choppin' to do.Copy !req
197. Hank's wife, we'll
be havingCopy !req
198. sparrow eggs for
breakfast tomorrow.Copy !req
199. But, uh, you know,
I'm not the police officer.Copy !req
200. You are.Copy !req
201. Would you be willing
to take on the caseCopy !req
202. of who's drinking
my juiceCopy !req
203. and moving
my coffee table?Copy !req
204. Hot berk, I'd better get on it!Copy !req
205. Cotton, that is an out door toy!Copy !req
206. Ten-four, Manimal!Copy !req
207. Hank, you can't
really believeCopy !req
208. that someone's
breaking in our houseCopy !req
209. just to drink
your grapefruit juice.Copy !req
210. No, but it'll keep him
busy a while,Copy !req
211. you know, out
of everyone's hair.Copy !req
212. Hello, boys.Copy !req
213. You off to play
a little marbles, mumbly pegCopy !req
214. or king of the coffee table?Copy !req
215. We're gonna go shout
swear words into a sewer pipe.Copy !req
216. Not anymore!Copy !req
217. This street's on lockdown
till I find outCopy !req
218. who's been messing
with your daddy's stuff.Copy !req
219. Now move it!Copy !req
220. Good work, Officer.Copy !req
221. Those two looked like
some bad eggs all right.Copy !req
222. Can it, Gribble.Copy !req
223. Someone's been tapping
into my boy's grapefruit juice,Copy !req
224. and I means to find out who.Copy !req
225. Put your finger
down your throat.Copy !req
226. Let me see
what's in your gullet.Copy !req
227. Okay, but I'm allergic
to citrus.Copy !req
228. I wish I wasn't
'cause all Bill talks aboutCopy !req
229. is how good
grapefruit juice is.Copy !req
230. It's like he's rubbing it
in my face.Copy !req
231. Well, how
do you like that?Copy !req
232. A man who doesn't like juice
has a juicer.Copy !req
233. Maybe I oughta squeeze
some truth out of you.Copy !req
234. It was a wedding gift!Copy !req
235. Dang it, wolfman!Copy !req
236. Your belly beard
done burned out the motor.Copy !req
237. I'm gonna get the Dirt Devil.Copy !req
238. Dale, you have
to believe me.Copy !req
239. I didn't drink
Hank's juice.Copy !req
240. I know you didn't, Bill.Copy !req
241. That power hungry
rent-a-copCopy !req
242. is just out to make
a name for himself.Copy !req
243. I'm just as scared
as you are.Copy !req
244. You got to help me.Copy !req
245. Well, you're not
a member of Daletech,Copy !req
246. but I guess I could
try to intervene
just this once.Copy !req
247. Thank you, Daletech.Copy !req
248. Sir, you did it!Copy !req
249. Bill broke down
and implicated Boomhauer
as the possible culprit.Copy !req
250. Ah! You don't say.Copy !req
251. Well, I guess I'd better
go pay Boomhauer a little visit.Copy !req
252. I'm not gonna ask ya again.Copy !req
253. Did ya drink
my boy's grapefruit juice?Copy !req
254. Got dang, man, I didn't drink
nothing, man.Copy !req
255. Talkin' bout just tryin'
to change my oil here, man.Copy !req
256. I like mangos, man!Copy !req
257. I believe ya.Copy !req
258. The weight
of a jalopyCopy !req
259. always crushes the truth
out of a man.Copy !req
260. He called your car
a jalopy.Copy !req
261. That is literally adding
insult to injury.Copy !req
262. Dang it!Copy !req
263. I don't know
what kind of gameCopy !req
264. is being played around here,Copy !req
265. but everybody in this house
knowsCopy !req
266. the toilet paper goes over...
front, not...Copy !req
267. Don't look at me like that.Copy !req
268. You know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
269. You are as crazy as your father.Copy !req
270. You know what that
old coot did to Luanne?Copy !req
271. He cracked my driver's license
in halfCopy !req
272. with a big snakey thing
because I didn't blinker.Copy !req
273. And he made me go to bed
at 3:30 in the afternoon.Copy !req
274. Look, I know Dad can be a pain,Copy !req
275. but I haven't seen this kind
of spark in himCopy !req
276. in a long time.Copy !req
277. Besides, Luanne never uses
her turn signalCopy !req
278. and Bobby gets cranky
around 4:00.Copy !req
279. Look, Hank Hill,
I'm wearing a bikini
made of suds!Copy !req
280. Now, I understand
why lion tamersCopy !req
281. get mauled
every so often.Copy !req
282. Boy, I gotta tell ya,
Hank,Copy !req
283. things sure have gone
to hellCopy !req
284. ever since Cotton
got that badge.Copy !req
285. Yeah, maybe
that's partly my fault.Copy !req
286. I guess I'd better have
a sit-down with him.Copy !req
287. Hmm, that might not be
a good idea.Copy !req
288. Cotton's self-esteem
is as fragile as his elderly hips.Copy !req
289. Hey, maybe we should have
a neighborhood meetingCopy !req
290. to let people
blow off some steam in private.Copy !req
291. You know,
a bull session?Copy !req
292. That's not a bad idea,
Dale.Copy !req
293. You're right.Copy !req
294. It's not a bad idea.Copy !req
295. Not a bad idea at all.Copy !req
296. It's the beer.Copy !req
297. I just want to startCopy !req
298. this meeting off
by acknowledgingCopy !req
299. that my Dad can be
a handful sometimes.Copy !req
300. A handful of crap!Copy !req
301. I thought we were
supposed to vent.Copy !req
302. Go ahead.Copy !req
303. It's a safe environment.Copy !req
304. What's said here, stays here.Copy !req
305. He pulled my belly hairs
with a juicer!Copy !req
306. It took me 16 years
to get my first
driver's license.Copy !req
307. I'm too old
to start over!Copy !req
308. He keeps on pressing me
to name Connie as a Communist.Copy !req
309. I had to!Copy !req
310. You were right, Gribble.Copy !req
311. They are all plotting
against me.Copy !req
312. We should rub grapefruitjuice
in his eye.Copy !req
313. And slap him on a busCopy !req
314. with a sack lunch!Copy !req
315. All right!Copy !req
316. I'm arresting everybody hereCopy !req
317. for conspiring to slander
a police officer.Copy !req
318. What? Dad, that's crazy.Copy !req
319. And you...Copy !req
320. All that stuff you claim's
been messed with...Copy !req
321. How do I know
it ain't an inside job?Copy !req
322. Maybe ya done it
for the insurance money.Copy !req
323. You think I insure my juice
against being drunk?Copy !req
324. Shush it!Copy !req
325. You're all suspects.Copy !req
326. Now, if you cuff
yourselvesCopy !req
327. it'll save ya a beatin'.Copy !req
328. Start cuffin'!Copy !req
329. No, don't hurt me?Copy !req
330. Give me my whip, boy.Copy !req
331. No.Copy !req
332. Dang it, Dad,
you're out of control.Copy !req
333. There is no mystery.Copy !req
334. I just gave you that
as busy work,Copy !req
335. but you even managed
to screw that up.Copy !req
336. But I'm a cop.Copy !req
337. I keeps the peace.Copy !req
338. I'm protecting the... juice.Copy !req
339. Someone moves
the table, I...Copy !req
340. Dad, you're not a cop.Copy !req
341. Now give me your badge.Copy !req
342. I don't want to have
to call the real police.Copy !req
343. Daletech, for all
your home security needs.Copy !req
344. Daletech, for all your home
security needs.Copy !req
345. So, who wants the
new introductory surveillance package?Copy !req
346. For an extra
30 bucks a month,Copy !req
347. you'll get a closed circuit
feed of Bill's house.Copy !req
348. It puts it all
in perspective, believe me.Copy !req
349. I believe you.Copy !req
350. So where is Cotton?
Let me guess.Copy !req
351. Did he get busted down to doing
cross-guard duty?Copy !req
352. No. He's making macaroni art
down at the Sunset Day Center.Copy !req
353. Really? He's back in graycare?Copy !req
354. I thought he had more fight
in him than that.Copy !req
355. No. Losing that badge seemed
to really take it out of him.Copy !req
356. Well, I better go pick him up.Copy !req
357. Well, maybe I'll come along
and bring the colonel a balloon.Copy !req
358. Not as a
potential client.Copy !req
359. Just as a guy,
you know,Copy !req
360. who's down and could...Copy !req
361. could use a balloon.Copy !req
362. Hey, Peeping Tom!Copy !req
363. After speed walk,
I take shower.Copy !req
364. See you
in half an hour.Copy !req
365. No hedge!Copy !req
366. I see you
painted a picture.Copy !req
367. This must be a
symbolic paintingCopy !req
368. of how he
feels inside.Copy !req
369. Is this how
you feel inside?Copy !req
370. Sorta.Copy !req
371. Yup. See? That's
you, Hank, yelling,Copy !req
372. and embarrassing him
in front of everyone.Copy !req
373. Ooh! There's me!Copy !req
374. Come on, Dad.Copy !req
375. You can finish
that tomorrow.Copy !req
376. Hey, Dad, want
to grab a beer in the alley?Copy !req
377. No. I'm just gonna go to bed.Copy !req
378. I need to get up early
and find three aerosol can topsCopy !req
379. for my
craft project.Copy !req
380. Boy, I hate to see
your dad like this.Copy !req
381. Why don't I just
look after himCopy !req
382. so he doesn't have
to go back to that place tomorrow?Copy !req
383. You'd do that?Copy !req
384. Sure. Daletech's a bust.Copy !req
385. Guess it's the wrong
economic climateCopy !req
386. to be an expensive,
poorly trained visionary.Copy !req
387. You really shouldn't
feel so worthless.Copy !req
388. I'm much more
of a burden on my family,Copy !req
389. and I feel great.Copy !req
390. The show's over.Copy !req
391. I can't stand to see
you like this, sir.Copy !req
392. I'm the one
who broke you,Copy !req
393. so I'm going
to fix this.Copy !req
394. Hey, did you ever seeCopy !req
395. One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest?Copy !req
396. You'reCopy !req
397. Jack Nicholson.Copy !req
398. Are you crazy?Copy !req
399. This might be easier
if you lie down.Copy !req
400. Now you're showing
some life? Geez!Copy !req
401. This kind of
complicates things.Copy !req
402. Wait!Copy !req
403. I know that smell!Copy !req
404. Someone has been monkeying
around in my boy's house!Copy !req
405. And I know who it is!Copy !req
406. Good for you, sir!Copy !req
407. Hot berk,
I'm not some old screwup!Copy !req
408. Now all I need is some proof.Copy !req
409. Gribble,
I'm hiring Daletech!Copy !req
410. Oh, no!Copy !req
411. I've soiled myself!Copy !req
412. It's okay, sir!Copy !req
413. They'll change you at
the Sunset Day Center,Copy !req
414. where we will
be all day!Copy !req
415. The trap has been set.Copy !req
416. Now the waiting begins.Copy !req
417. God, the waiting is
interminable, isn't it?Copy !req
418. Hello, Mr. Kahn.Copy !req
419. I don't know what
you are talking about.Copy !req
420. You think I drink juice and
move hillbilly furniture around?Copy !req
421. I know you did.Copy !req
422. Nobody in my boy's house,Copy !req
423. or even this neighborhood,
uses pomade.Copy !req
424. I can smell
it on you,Copy !req
425. and I can smell it
on this pillow.Copy !req
426. Now, confess.Copy !req
427. You have no proof.Copy !req
428. Who gonna
believe you?Copy !req
429. You just some
crazy old man.Copy !req
430. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
431. Hello?Copy !req
432. Coast clear.Copy !req
433. Hey, slow down.Copy !req
434. That juice expensive for
poor hillbillies like us.Copy !req
435. Oh, you right.Copy !req
436. I shouldn't
have done that.Copy !req
437. I'm a very bad
redneck, Peggy Hill.Copy !req
438. Okay, you caught me.Copy !req
439. I drink Hank's juice.Copy !req
440. Let's call it a day.Copy !req
441. Hey, you...Copy !req
442. Mmm! Maybe I teach you a lesson.Copy !req
443. After all, I'm always blabbingCopy !req
444. about being
a substitute teacher.Copy !req
445. Does Hank Hill know about this?Copy !req
446. If he did, you
wouldn't be alive.Copy !req
447. You look as sexy to me as
propane tank, I tell you what.Copy !req
448. I promise never to do it again.Copy !req
449. We go back
to library reading roomCopy !req
450. if we need
cheap thrill.Copy !req
451. Please don't tell Hank Hill.Copy !req
452. I give you
anything you want.Copy !req
453. I don't need anything from you,
but my boy does.Copy !req
454. I want you to give
him his privacy hedge.Copy !req
455. You're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna build it,Copy !req
456. and you're going
to thank him for the privilege.Copy !req
457. And you have to subscribeCopy !req
458. to a year
of Daletech services.Copy !req
459. Dah! Okay. Hey,
this tape pretty good.Copy !req
460. Can I keep it?Copy !req
461. Huh! I didn't even
know there was a case,Copy !req
462. and you solved it.Copy !req
463. Who would have
guessed it was Kahn?Copy !req
464. I didn't guess, boy.Copy !req
465. I did some
old-fashioned police work.Copy !req
466. Well, however you
did it, good job.Copy !req
467. Officer Hill,
Rainey Street thanks you.Copy !req
468. You impersonating an officer,
boy?Copy !req
469. Put that hand down.Copy !req
470. I still don't
see what's so funnyCopy !req
471. about you sneaking in my house
just to move stuff around.Copy !req
472. Oh, yeah, it real
funny in Laos.Copy !req
473. Number one
reality show.Copy !req
474. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
475. Ten-four, Manimal!Copy !req