King of the Hill 8x15

Directed by Gary McCarver

Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • David Herman as T. Beck Minzenmyer (voice) • Phil LaMarr as Emergency Worker (voice)

When flood threatens the town, the Arlenites gather in the communal shelter: The Tom Landry gym. Hank is supposed to be in charge, but while he's delayed at the town's hydroelectric dam debating over whether or not to open the floodgates, Bill blunders his way into a leadership role. He finds the power and the adoration of the masses delicious and soon becomes a tinpot dictator, with Hank in the brig and Kahn as his right-hand man. Meantime, the kids go wild in the yearbook office, Peggy regresses, and Dale schemes to build an ark to float his family to safety.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ripped By mstoll

2. Astagnant low pressure trough

3. will produce a fourth straight day of rain.

4. Hmm...

5. Any of you guys have that thing

6. when you wake up in the morning

7. and see the rain and cry?

8. Cheer up, Bill. You'll be dead soon.

9. Looks like the end of days is upon us.

10. See?

11. Hold on.

12. I think we're going from flood watch to flood warning.

13. Water levels at the upper Brazos River are rising dangerously,

14. causing flood warnings to be issued for all low-lying areas,

15. including Heimlich and Travis Counties.

16. Okay.

17. Evacuation Plan A, everyone.

18. I want an orderly, efficient egress

19. to the shelter at Tom Landry Middle School.

20. Out of my way, Boomhauer!

21. Find land. Plant this.

22. I will meet you at the rendezvous.

23. Did Uncle Hank order a duck?

24. Because there's one in the mailbox.

25. The flood's coming!

26. Why are you all just standing around!

27. We've got to get to the shelter!

28. We'll be safe there.

29. Bobby, I need you to calm down.

30. You know I'm Red Cross-certified

31. to be the shelter leader

32. and I promise you everything is going to be okay.

33. Now, go pack

34. one suitcase and no stuffed animals.

35. Okay. One stuffed animal. Not the bunny.

36. They say one of the big problems in a shelter

37. is people often get shelter shock,

38. where they become dependent and childlike.

39. We don't have a lot of room for error with Bobby.

40. Don't worry, Hank.

41. Bobby will not go baby on my watch.

42. I'll put pepper on his thumbs just in case.

43. Okay. Now I've got to do a final sweep

44. of the neighborhood and then get the pets

45. to a kennel on higher ground.

46. I'm counting on you and Luanne to wrap

47. everything up and get to the shelter.

48. It's like God took our picture

49. before he kills us.

50. Go! Go! Go!

51. Come on, Bill! Time to go!

52. What in the hell?

53. Dang it, as shelter leader,

54. one of my duties is to keep you from drowning.

55. Maybe I'll float.

56. Bill, get up and let Peggy take you to the shelter.

57. That's an order.

58. If you say so.

59. Now Peggy's a little stressed out

60. so don't stare at her while she drives.

61. Remember, Lady Bird.

62. The other dogs will be looking

63. to you for leadership.

64. Be strong.

65. Dang it, I need to find higher ground.

66. Look, Minh!

67. Chaos already ruling.

68. This like when city of Luang Prabang fall,

69. and we snagged sweet diplomatic license plates.

70. Oh! This our chance to get prime real estate.

71. But where?

72. The heights! Run!

73. Connie! Blankets!

74. I always thought I'd die in this gym.

75. Bobby. Please stop being so dramatic.

76. Everything will be just fine.

77. Oh, my God. I have three socks and no underwear.

78. Hello?

79. Hello? Anybody here?

80. Oh, my God. The red phone.

81. Dang it, Everett.

82. Were you off combing your mustache?

83. I need a status report.

84. Uh, Everett's not here.

85. This is Hank Hill, Assistant Manager, Strickland Propane.

86. Everett's gone? All right, listen.

87. This is T. Beck Minzimyre

88. with the Upper Brazos River Authority.

89. The storm's knocked out all of our remote sensors,

90. so I'm going to need your help.

91. Sir, I have mentally rehearsed many emergency

92. talk-through scenarios. Go ahead.

93. Okay. Check the monitors.

94. Do you see any damage to the face of the dam?

95. Oh, God... I am seeing some hairline cracks... yes.

96. That's okay. They're always there.

97. But if they start getting too big,

98. you'll have to open the floodgate.

99. I could open it now, just to be safe.

100. No! I mean no.

101. The rain could still let up.

102. Open that floodgate now,

103. and a dozen homes and businesses are gone.

104. Oh, okay, I won't open the floodgate.

105. Now don't get bullheaded about it.

106. Keep the gate closed too long and the dam could break.

107. All of South Arlen would be destroyed.

108. Okay so I'll open the floodgate, but only if...

109. Look, I've got a bass boat stuck in a turbine

110. at the LBJ dam.

111. You're just going to have to use your best judgment on this.

112. Fresh cinnamon rolls,

113. courtesy of the Emergency Operation Center.

114. We thought you might be getting hungry.

115. I could eat.

116. Nice. You'll make sure these get inside, right?

117. Dad? Are we going to be okay?

118. Okay? Joseph, how does being

119. the best-looking kid on earth sound to you?

120. Because that's what you're going to be

121. when I'm done building an ark for you, your mother and me.

122. Hey! There's food!

123. The Army guy's got food for us!

124. Mmm! That smells delicious!

125. Who's in charge here?

126. I don't know. I guess the Army guy.

127. Actually, it's supposed to be Hank, but he's not...

128. Look, we've got a situation at the East Shelter.

129. So you're going to have to hold the fort for a while.

130. Here's your shelter kit.

131. Here's your satellite phone.

132. If you need to talk to the emergency op center,

133. just hit speed dial, pound sign, one.

134. Speed dial, pound sign, one.

135. Hey! It worked!

136. So until Uncle Hank gets here,

137. Mr. Dauterive is going to be our leader?

138. God help us.

139. Mom! Can I go play hide- and-seek with Joseph?

140. Hide-and-seek?

141. Oh, my God, it's happening.

142. Bobby! Grow up!

143. Now here's the school's master key.

144. Go to the teacher's lounge, have some coffee,

145. and bitch about your friends.

146. Okay.

147. Continued heavy rain

148. with little chance of clearing through the evening.

149. Good Lord, are the cracks getting bigger?

150. Open the floodgate and a dozen homes and businesses are gone.

151. Or the dam breaks and all of South Arlen will be destroyed.

152. Oh, God. What do I do?

153. I don't know! I don't know!

154. Oh, God.

155. Cherry?

156. I love cherry.

157. Good call, Bill.

158. Bill! Hank still isn't here.

159. Where is he?

160. I think Bobby's got shelter shock.

161. He's reverting.

162. Where is Hank?

163. Now, now, Peggy, I'm sure Hank is fine.

164. You are?

165. Yes, I am.

166. Oh, so everything's going to be okay?

167. That's right.

168. Now why don't you lay down in bed

169. and I'll get you a nice, hot bowl of chicken soup.

170. How does that sound?

171. Well, that does sound nice.

172. I'll need a spoon.

173. It's also a fork

174. for those nice bits of chicken.

175. Shelter leader Dauterive here.

176. Mm-hmm.

177. I see.

178. People,

179. I've just been informed that a wall of water

180. from Tut Rampy Dam has destroyed several homes

181. on River Oaks Drive,

182. and may have reached the new outlet mall.

183. We live on River Oaks!

184. My father-in-law mall-walks at that mall.

185. Hank, you're alive!

186. Did everyone who lives below the dam get here okay?

187. Don't worry, Hank.

188. They're all safe.

189. I saw to that.

190. Oh, thank God. You saw to that?

191. Yup. I'm the shelter leader.

192. But I'm supposed...

193. I got the phone.

194. So they made you the leader?

195. Is everyone taking turns, or...

196. Yeah, well, we'll get this all straightened out.

197. I'm just glad I made it out of there, it was horrible.

198. But at least I was able to save South Arlen.

199. How'd you do that?

200. Well, I opened the floodgate

201. to relieve the pressure on the dam.

202. Wait, you opened the floodgate?

203. He's the Arlen Flooder.

204. You heartless bastard!

205. All right, people, easy!

206. I'm sure Hank has a good explanation

207. for destroying your homes and outlet mall.

208. Well, I was authorized by T. Beck Minzemeyer to...

209. You made that name up.

210. No. The phone was ringing.

211. The red phone.

212. Oh, and who was on the other end, Commissioner Gordon?

213. No, listen, I was watching the cracks.

214. They went from hairline cracks,

215. to very thick hairline cracks.

216. Hank, I went to bat for you.

217. An excuse like that makes us both look bad.

218. Hey, let's go to the girls' locker room

219. and stand where naked girls have stood.

220. Okay.

221. Wait.

222. I'm not so sure about my yearbook photo.

223. I think in ten or 15 years

224. I might regret wearing that headband.

225. Or maybe I won't. Come on.

226. I already told you: The dam had cracks.

227. Every dam has cracks, stupid.

228. You tell him, Everett.

229. Everett's been working at that dam for 20 years

230. and we never lost a single home

231. on his watch.

232. Everett?

233. Wait a minute, you're the guy who abandoned his post.

234. Hey, don't make this about Everett.

235. Now, come on, people.

236. I've known Hank Hill almost all my life, and if he was afraid...

237. I was not afraid.

238. I had a difficult decision to make,

239. but I weighed the choices and I acted!

240. In other words...

241. Hey, you take that noise back!

242. You don't know anything about this

243. because you left your post.

244. Yeah, well, maybe if I'd stayed at my post,

245. we'd still have an outlet mall.

246. Look, in my training to be the shelter leader...

247. Bill's the shelter leader!

248. Mm-hmm.

249. Ready? I'm about to make love to the camera.

250. Man, I never noticed how much you blink.

251. Ah... most desirable address in all of gym is ours.

252. Yes, people admire us.

253. But how do we make them fear us?

254. The man who controls the phone controls the shelter.

255. Control the man who controls the phone, Kahn.

256. Understood.

257. I see... mm-hmm...

258. beef stroganoff.

259. I'll inform my people.

260. Isn't that like the president reading a school lunch menu?

261. Surely a man in your position has more global concerns.

262. Well, I could use someone to...

263. I'll get bullhorn!

264. Bill... In charge?

265. I mean... Bill?

266. Hank, do you have any loose floorboards

267. I could scavenge for my Ark's gangplank?

268. Joseph's been looking a little mutinous lately.

269. Dale, put that stuff back.

270. You're not the boss of me.

271. Bill's the boss of me, and he says my plan

272. is bold and innovative.

273. Dang it, someone's got to snap this place into shape.

274. These are for emergencies.

275. The electricity could go off at any moment.

276. Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size?

277. Okay.

278. We just had lunch.

279. We're supposed to be rationing our food

280. in case supplies get interrupted.

281. Dang it, Bill, you can't be monkeying around

282. with the emergency phone.

283. Suppose the EOC is trying to get through

284. with important information?

285. I got to tell you, Hank,

286. those guys think everything's an emergency.

287. Bill, give me the phone.

288. You can keep the hat and the road flares,

289. but you can't be trusted with our only lifeline

290. to the outside world.

291. Let go, Hank. Stop it.

292. You're creating a panic.

293. Kahn!

294. Kahn, get your men.

295. Kahn has men?

296. Take Hank to the cage.

297. There's a cage?

298. Come on.

299. You can't do this.

300. Let go of me!

301. Hey!

302. Parents, tell your children they can sleep soundly tonight.

303. Shelter leader Dauterive has locked up

304. the Arlen Flooder!

305. Come on, Hill, got to stay in shape.

306. Give me three more good ones.

307. I swear.

308. I don't know how all that toilet paper

309. got under my cot!

310. Got dang it, Bill, what's gotten into you?

311. You are out of control.

312. Strong leaders always make enemies

313. and that's why they make strong cages.

314. Cage was my idea.

315. Ironic, huh?

316. Okay, lazy bones, time for breakfast!

317. Where's Hank?

318. Uh, Hank went with Kahn

319. to work up a skit about hygiene.

320. Hmm. That sounds like Hank.

321. Your hillbilly pal

322. is drunk on power for once, instead of corn squeezin's.

323. I should have taken control the minute I walked in here.

324. Oh, so you have eye

325. on top job.

326. No! But I mean, look at us.

327. Don't worry. I support coup.

328. And then maybe you'll give me five minutes alone

329. with sticky bun cart.

330. Look, we need to get out of here, Kahn.

331. Give me a hand.

332. So, Nancy, what do you think of my ark?

333. Pretty yar, huh?

334. Oh, it's real yar, shug.

335. Now climb on down and get something to eat.

336. Okay, attention, people.

337. It seems that we're all out of cinnamon sticky buns...

338. But the children love them.

339. You said we'd never run out of cinnamon sticky buns.

340. Well, uh, we had plenty, but... Hank ate 'em!

341. That's right.

342. But don't worry.

343. I have procured enough Carnation Instant Breakfast

344. for everyone.

345. Go, you mighty behemoth!

346. What are you doing?

347. You can't just stick pictures of yourselves in the yearbook!

348. Take it up with the class president.

349. Do you know how much trouble you could get into

350. for submitting fraudulent clubs and activities pages?

351. Uh, no.

352. But these yearbooks won't come out

353. until we already graduate, right?

354. I call prom queen!

355. That's right,

356. hayseeds.

357. Keep watching your food.

358. You don't want to eat your fingers.

359. Shut up, Kahn.

360. Let's get out of here.

361. Thanks for the tip, Kahn.

362. What?

363. You show terrible judgment in trusting me.

364. How can I follow you?

365. Can I have my bullhorn back now?

366. Sure. The batteries are dead, but you can wave it around.

367. Hank, Hank, Hank, what am I going to do with you?

368. I may just have to break out the dodge balls

369. and let the crowd have at you.

370. Will you listen to yourself, Bill?

371. You sound like some kind of crazed gym teacher.

372. Is that the kind of leader you want to be?

373. I didn't seek the hard hat.

374. The hard hat was thrust upon me!

375. Fair enough, but dang it,

376. this rain is gonna stop sometime,

377. and when it does...

378. Aw, Bill, did it already stop?

379. It's still muggy out.

380. Bill, you got lucky.

381. The flood ended before we used up

382. all our food and toilet paper,

383. but now it's time to do your job.

384. The goal of a shelter leader

385. is to get these people

386. out of the shelter and back to their real lives.

387. But my real life sucks.

388. Bill, you've done a good job of keeping people happy...

389. mostly by turning them against me...

390. but this is your chance to go out on top.

391. You could be like Ted Williams.

392. Heck, people are still fighting

393. over his frozen head.

394. Everyone, I have an announcement.

395. But first, I'd like to say that it's been an honor

396. leading all of you.

397. We love you!

398. When I first...

399. The flood is over!

400. Wow, the Armageddon is beautiful.

401. It smells so fresh.

402. Is it safe?

403. What about upriver?

404. You can all go home.

405. Oh, Mr. Trunkers, there you are.

406. Let's go!

407. His name is Peanuts.

408. They don't need me anymore.

409. Well, that means you did your job, Bill.

410. Go on, C.J., ask the nice man.

411. Could you come talk to my scout troop?

412. The topic is "What it takes to be a good leader."

413. Oh, and is this yours?

414. Oh, yeah. Thanks.

415. Flooder!

416. It's going to be a beautiful sunset.

417. Yep, it is.

418. You should've seen the rainbow yesterday.

419. Ripped By mstoll

420. I'm about to make love to the camera.