1. Ripped By mstoll
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2. And Joseph Gribble
is sacked for another loss.
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3. Common name.
No relation.
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4. Come on,
we're still in this game.
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5. Just two touchdowns, a couple
of two-point conversions,
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6. an onside kick, and we're
just a field goal behind.
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7. Come on,
let's make some noise!
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8. Boo!
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9. Go, Arlen!
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10. Go, Arlen!
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11. Go, Arlen.
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12. Oh, here come the cheerleaders.
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13. You think maybe they
will do a real cheer
just this once?
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14. How's that firing anybody up?
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15. Use the mascot!
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16. Look at Bobby.
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17. He's just twiddling
his hooves.
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18. And that's the ball game!
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19. The Longhorns lose
their fourth straight.
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20. Principal Moss...
who drives a black Altima
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21. usually parked
in front of the school...
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22. thanks you for attending.
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23. Whatever happened
to cheerleaders
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24. actually cheering?
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25. Alice Bullard.
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26. She was the best cheer coach
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27. I have ever seen.
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28. And she was 98 years old.
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29. I wonder whatever happened to that woman.
You know, I remember
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30. my junior year
in a game against Belton.
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31. I just didn't have it,
but then our cheerleaders
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32. started their
"Be Aggressive" cheer,
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33. and I was, and we won.
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34. Hank, I'm going
to do us all a favor.
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35. I am gonna help that new cheerleading coach
get her act together.
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36. I really did stay sweet.
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37. Peggy Hill at your service.
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38. Great. Grab a handle...
this thing weighs a ton.
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39. Wow, I feel like I'm already
making an impact.
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40. Now, how else can I help you
get the cheerleaders on track?
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41. On track? Does this look like the vest
of a coach who's not on track?
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42. FYI, we've had two wins
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43. at the Slim-Fast
Invitational,
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44. and one at Tampax.
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45. Yes, yes, very impressive.
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46. But I have noticed
that the cheerleaders
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47. are not really spending any time
backing the football team.
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48. The cheer squad
doesn't get trophies
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49. for how good
the football team does.
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50. We get 'em for
Motion and Dance,
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51. Basket Tosses, Jumps,
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52. and Attitude!
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53. You know, cheerleading
has changed since your day.
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54. Wait...
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55. you never had a day,
did you?
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56. You weren't a cheerleader.
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57. No, but only because
people who thought they knew me,
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58. but clearly did not,
would not let me.
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59. Welcome aboard!
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60. Oh, and that mat has to go
all the way over there.
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61. So Peggy's gonna help coach
the cheerleaders at Landry.
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62. She says they're
gonna do real cheers.
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63. Good, but what we need to do
is get rid of Principal Moss.
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64. Maybe I should put
bourbon in his thermos
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65. and try to knock
him off the wagon.
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66. Don't worry, he can't
hide behind improved test scores forever.
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67. Hank! Dinner!
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68. Excuse me, fellas.
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69. I've got to go have dinner
with a cheerleader.
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70. Why does everything
good happen to Hank?
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71. Cheerleaders.
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72. Why does everybody think
they're so special?
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73. I could be covering
the debate tournament finals right now.
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74. Your mom's a cheerleader?
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75. Wow!
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76. I thought that was just
more of her big talk.
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77. Maybe she really did see
Dan Rather at the mall.
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78. Okay, girls,
who's ready to make some noise?
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79. Right. Our first lesson will be
how to make some noise.
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80. I don't have time for this.
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81. I need a new
top-of-the-pyramid.
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82. We've just lost
our lightest girl to homeschooling.
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83. Problem understood and solved.
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84. But how?
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85. Connie,
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86. how would you like to be
the top of the pyramid?
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87. Huh?
And...
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88. Nice hang time.
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89. You want to be
a cheerleader?
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90. Me? Are you kidding?
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91. Hey, smart girl from
my algebra class,
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92. why are you dressed
like a cheerleader?
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93. Because I, um...
am a cheerleader.
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94. Cool. Well, you want to
come to a sleep-over?
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95. We're gonna sit around
and make fun of everybody.
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96. Cheer One this
is Cheer Two.
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97. If you can hear me,
give me a "Y."
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98. Oh, you could not look
any cuter if you were dangling a kitten.
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99. It's amazing... I put on this outfit,
and it's, like...
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100. What's the opposite
of invisible?
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101. I've never had to know.
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102. Thank you, Mrs. Hill.
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103. Okay, girls, who's ready
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104. to turn this mother out?
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105. M.C. Hammer is!
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106. Get in formation.
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107. Or...
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108. we could get the crowd
into the game.
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109. How about a cheer?
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110. Go... Longhorns!
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111. Peggy, the last
thing we need
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112. is for our cheerleaders to
be distracted by the game.
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113. What I do need
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114. is for you to find my purse.
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115. Find your purse?
Yes.
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116. Oh, and go tell
Karen Smelko I said hi.
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117. She's on the fourth row up,
not counting the first row.
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118. I will get the purse,
but I am undecided
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119. on the greeting.
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120. Sorry I'm late... took
longer than I thought
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121. to wash the eggs
off my car.
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122. Sorry I'm late...
it took longer than I thought
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123. to egg Moss's car.
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124. Hey, Peggy, shouldn't
you be down there
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125. spelling things
with your arms?
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126. No, Hank,
I have a different job.
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127. Karen Smelko?
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128. Arlen has the ball,
fourth and goal...
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129. and they're going for it!
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130. They haven't converted
a fourth down all season.
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131. They're gonna need
the crowd behind them.
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132. Okay, let's take a break.
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133. We've got
our '80s Mega-Mix coming up.
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134. Where are they going?
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135. They're braiding
each other's hair?
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136. That does it!
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137. Arlen, Arlen,
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138. fight, fight, fight!
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139. Push that ball
with all your might!
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140. Come on!
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141. Let's help our boys
before it's too late!
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142. Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
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143. Push that ball
with all your might!
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144. Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
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145. Push that ball
with all your might!
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146. You heard them... let's push that ball
with all your might!
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147. Ho, yeah!
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148. Hey, Hank,
your wife just reminded me
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149. of why I love football...
winning!
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150. See, Moss?
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151. We need more of that
and less of this.
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152. and because
of you and your chanting,
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153. Francine just nailed a standing
back flip that no one saw!
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154. That was something, Peggy.
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155. Look, how would you like
to replace Jo Rita
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156. as the cheerleading coach?
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157. Me? Well, I...
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158. Excuse me one moment.
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159. Peggy, you know we're supposed
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160. to keep this channel open
for uniform emergencies.
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161. Sorry, I just wanted you to give
Karen Smelko a message from me.
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162. Principal Moss just made me
the new cheerleading coach!
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163. What? I...
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164. Attention, ladies.
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165. Where's Jo Rita?
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166. It is not important
where she is.
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167. What is important
is why she is not here.
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168. Why is she not here?
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169. Because she did not understand
the role of a cheerleader:
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170. To get the fans fired up,
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171. to bring the crowd
into the game,
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172. to give our team
the extra edge
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173. that can turn a narrow defeat
into a certain victory.
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174. Do we still get
to wear our uniforms
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175. to school on Fridays?
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176. Yes.
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177. Okay.
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178. Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
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179. Push that ball
with all your might.
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180. Whoo!
Yeah!
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181. What ball
is she talking about?
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182. Do the two-point conversion
cheer!
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183. Hey, there, coach,
whatcha gonna do?
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184. Are you going to kick
or go for two?
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185. Perhaps I didn't set that up
properly.
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186. We would do that cheer
after we've scored,
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187. but only when it would be
advantageous
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188. for us to get two points.
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189. Once again from the top.
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190. Hey, there, coach...
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191. Well, this is all
going to hell.
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192. Oh, man.
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193. I can't have bored kids
at an assembly.
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194. It's asking for trouble.
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195. I'm going
to cue the band.
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196. Oh, no! No! Not the band!
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197. Okay, I can't save
the cougar for the finale.
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198. Misty, put this on and chase
your tail like an idiot.
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199. It won't fit!
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200. Yes, it will.
It'll fit.
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201. Come on.
It's for the team!
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202. Yeah, kill that cougar!
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203. Yeah!
Yeah! Choke it!
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204. Quick, everybody,
beat the crap out of Misty!
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205. What?
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206. Stupid!
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207. Kick its butt, Connie!
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208. Ladies, I have learned
something today.
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209. People like violence.
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210. From now on we will demoralize
their teams
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211. by systematically
mock-secuting their mascots.
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212. Everyone, take a knife!
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213. Is it stab-and-stab?
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214. No, it's stab and a-stab.
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215. Okay, let's have a run-through.
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216. Misty, get in
the cougar costume.
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217. The costume smells like a butt.
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218. And it's really more of a job
for an ugly girl.
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219. I'll do it!
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220. Hey, there, hi, there,
we won't gloat.
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221. We'll stab the cougar
in the throat
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222. And when at last
the cougar's dead,
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223. we'll make him see
red red red red!
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224. I am slain!
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225. Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
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226. Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
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227. I'm so...
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228. cold.
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229. No hats in
the lunchroom, Dooley.
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230. Take it off.
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231. I'll die in these horns.
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232. Hey, Peggy!
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233. Why don't you sit with us today?
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234. Sweet Jesus. The cool table.
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235. Oh, I'm sorry, Jo Rita.
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236. Pull up the stepladder.
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237. You know, Jo Rita,
I could use some help.
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238. You want me
to find your purse?
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239. I want you to be my assistant.
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240. I'd love to.
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241. So, Peggy,
give us the scoop.
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242. What have you got planned
for the Yellow Jackets
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243. this weekend?
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244. Well, we have
this yellow jacket costume
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245. and we're going
to put someone in it
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246. and we're going to stab it!
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247. That's it?
Another stabbing?
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248. Hey, maybe doing
the same thing over and over again
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249. will be our thing.
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250. It won't be boring.
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251. No! It'll be comforting!
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252. Ladies, we have a problem.
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253. Knife play
is just not enough anymore.
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254. Ideas! Yellow Jacket! Go!
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255. We could rip open its thorax
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256. and stuff it
with its own abdomen?
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257. Bobby, how is your death rattle?
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258. Great! Now, who do
we play after that?
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259. The Boswell Bears.
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260. Okay, okay. Now, how do you make
a bear suffer?
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261. Tie it up and torture its young.
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262. There's no mascot
we can't torture.
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263. Okay, Jo Rita,
who's next?
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264. The Tornados.
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265. How are you going
to kill a tornado?
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266. Shoot it.
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267. Good news.
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268. Because of all
the school spirit,
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269. game attendance is up.
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270. I know!
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271. The ushers cannot keep up
with the after-game garbage.
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272. Yeah, but none of this will mean
anything
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273. unless we beat McMaynerbury
at Homecoming.
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274. Peggy, I'm giving you
the halftime show.
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275. It will be
my finest hour.
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276. Now, who is McMaynerbury?
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277. The Fighting Irish.
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278. Fighting, fighting...
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279. fi... fly... flying...
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280. fly on the wall...
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281. Maybe the other part...
the Irish,
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282. That's got to be
fertile territory.
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283. Irish, Irish, flyrish.
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284. No, don't force it.
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285. Let it come to you, Peggy.
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286. People have made fun
of the Irish in the past.
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287. Maybe you can build
on their work.
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288. You know,
my husband keeps
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289. several ethnic
joke books in
the bathroom.
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290. I'll find
something good.
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291. Longhorns! Longhorns!
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292. And that's the end
of the first half,
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293. with the Longhorns leading 31-2!
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294. Well, the playoffs
are a lock.
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295. Peggy says
the halftime show
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296. is going to be
high school caliber.
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297. Okay, girls, this is it.
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298. Misty, grab the rainbow.
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299. Everyone else get out
your shillelaghs.
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300. Beating sticks.
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301. Where's Jo Rita?
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302. The buckets of blood
are in her car.
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303. All right!
Go! Go!
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304. I'm so glad you could make it,
Mr. Flannery,
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305. Mr. Finnerty,
Mrs. O'Brien-Diaz.
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306. And now if you'll direct your
attention to the 50-yard line
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307. for a special presentation
by the Longhorn cheerleaders!
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308. Here, use my binoculars.
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309. I brought enough
for everybody.
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310. Top of the morning to ya, Arlen!
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311. I'm Irish!
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312. I hope I don't die
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313. from a wee bit
of the consumption!
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314. Sorry, Fighting Irishman,
but your jig is up!
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315. Beat him! Get him!
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316. Beat him! Beat him!
Beat him! Beat him!
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317. Are they ever coming out
of there?
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318. I bet they're trying
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319. to keep the quarterback
from crying.
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320. My legs have
fallen asleep.
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321. Oh! Ah!
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322. Okay. We are in their heads.
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323. Right now,
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324. they are in there wishing
they joined the tennis team.
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325. Uh, Peggy, The Fighting Irish
ain't coming out.
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326. Oh, my God.
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327. We have cheered them
into submission!
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328. Actually, they're protesting
the game.
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329. What? Why?
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330. 'Cause of what you did
to that leprechaun.
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331. Peggy, they're saying you
committed a hate crime.
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332. Aw, there goes
me liver.
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333. I can't believe
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334. the school board
is thinking about
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335. taking our win away.
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336. As long as we stand firm,
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337. we've got nothing
to worry about.
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338. Now, I can take a joke as well
as the next person,
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339. but Peggy Hill has gone too far.
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340. What she did
on that field
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341. is no different than what
the British have been doing
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342. to our brothers in Ulster
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343. for the last 800 years...
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344. the forced labor,
the seizure of property,
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345. the stifling and oppression
of our precious mother tongue.
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346. Longadh beatha
Eire a Cliamhuinn a Eire!
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347. I have no idea
what he just said,
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348. but I do know that McMaynerbury
refused to play.
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349. They forfeited the game.
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350. And after the game,
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351. someone called me "Pat"
in the parking lot.
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352. It is my name,
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353. but they had
no way of knowing that.
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354. This ain't good, Moss.
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355. They're going to take
away our win.
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356. Do something.
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357. Now, hold on.
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358. It'd be a shame to take
this win away from our boys
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359. just' cause of Peggy.
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360. That would be blaming
the victim!
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361. What? You were all behind me
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362. when it was the Cougars and
the Bears and the Mudhawks.
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363. It would have been disrespectful
of me
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364. not to bludgeon the Irishman.
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365. Peggy, shush.
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366. Whatever the board decides,
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367. I want you to know,
I am proud of you.
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368. And maybe I did
get caught up
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369. in my own popularity
and lose my focus,
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370. because it's really not about
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371. torture or beatings,
or maiming per se.
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372. It's about backing your team
and inspiring them to victory.
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373. Good news, Peggy.
They let us keep our "W."
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374. We're going to the playoffs!
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375. Woo-hoo!
The big dance!
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376. Well, don't worry,
my team is ready.
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377. Sorry, Peggy.
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378. I'm going to have
to ask you
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379. to stop using words
like "team" and "my."
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380. I'm putting Jo Rita
back in charge.
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381. What? Jo Rita?
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382. Now, you can keep
teaching Spanish,
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383. but we're going to have
to keep an eye out in
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384. case you decide
to go after those people.
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385. This is crazy.
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386. The only thing I hate is
watching dance routines
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387. while our team
loses another game.
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388. Peggy, why don't you show these
girls how to lose gracefully.
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389. I will not.
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390. And if I go,
the cheerleaders will go
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391. in a V-formation
right behind me.
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392. Right, girls?
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393. I'm sorry, Mrs. Hill,
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394. but we like being
cheerleaders... a lot.
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395. We feel so bad.
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396. You, too, Connie?
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397. I can't go back.
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398. I'm sorry.
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399. We'll need you
to turn in your vest...
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400. you know, for future
coaches named Peggy.
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401. Uh, Peggy,
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402. me and the boy have worked up
a little something here.
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403. 2-4-6-8, who should
the Longhorns appreciate?
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404. Mom! Mom! Mom!
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405. I got great seats.
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406. I told you, I'm not going
to the game.
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407. After all I did,
nobody stood up and said,
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408. "I know Peggy Hill
and she's no hate monger."
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409. They all just cut and ran.
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410. Even Connie.
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411. You know who didn't
turn their back on you, Peggy?
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412. The team.
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413. Dang it, this
is the big game!
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414. What happens when the other side
yells,
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415. "We've got spirit, yes we do,
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416. we've got spirit,
how about you?"
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417. Well, Peggy,
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418. how 'bout you?
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419. Sorry, Mrs. Hill.
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420. Principal Moss gave me strict
orders not to let you in.
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421. What? That's ridiculous!
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422. Stay out of this, sir.
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423. Our beef's not with you.
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424. And the cheerleaders seem to be
doing another human pyramid.
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425. Oh! The Arlen quarterback
gets leveled!
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426. Come on, girls,
I'm only seeing freak.
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427. I want to see super-freak!
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428. Connie, focus!
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429. This is the playoffs,
for God's sakes.
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430. My bullhorn!
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431. What are you doing?
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432. Someone has to light a fire
under this crowd.
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433. Connie, get back in formation
this instant,
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434. or you can say good-bye
to the uniform
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435. and a guaranteed seven candid
photos in the yearbook.
Copy !req
436. This season's been some kind
of roller coaster, folks.
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437. We've have losing streaks...
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438. Ready, okay.
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439. When I say go,
you say Longhorns.
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440. Go...
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441. Longhorns!
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442. Arlen, Arlen...
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443. Wait, Hank, do you hear that?
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444. Push that ball
with all your might!
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445. Arlen, Arlen...
I taught Connie that cheer.
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446. fight, fight, fight!
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447. Push that ball
with your might.
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448. Seems like there's a rally
going on in the Landry stands...
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449. The fans are going nuts and
Gribble's running downfield...
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450. Ripped By mstoll
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451. Aw, there goes me liver!
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