1. - Yo?
- Daggum, dude, man.Copy !req
2. Talkin' big ol' bite of apple, man.
Talkin' life sentence.Copy !req
3. Daggum buyin' a cow.Copy !req
4. Oh, man, you talkin' 'bout 'em
like, like a dang ol'…Copy !req
5. Dang.Copy !req
6. Daggum, bigwig jingle,
bang it up, dawg!Copy !req
7. Like… Woo! Yeah, baby!Copy !req
8. Wow! So your little brother Patch
is getting married.Copy !req
9. Now that calls for a beer.Copy !req
10. Yup!Copy !req
11. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
12. Yeah, you boys were always
competing over something.Copy !req
13. Who could sell the most copies of Grit.Copy !req
14. Who could bag the most groceries.Copy !req
15. Who could bag the most ladies.Copy !req
16. It was always close,
but it was always Boomhauer.Copy !req
17. Yeah, but Patch finally beat Boomhauer
at something.Copy !req
18. His way to the altar.Copy !req
19. Oh, don't worry, Boomhauer,Copy !req
20. Patch might have beat you to the altar,Copy !req
21. but you'll beat him to the grave.Copy !req
22. As a bachelor, your life expectancyCopy !req
23. is seven years shorter
than us blissfully marrieds.Copy !req
24. Even Bill gets a couple of years' creditCopy !req
25. for that charade of a marriage of his.Copy !req
26. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.Copy !req
27. That's true.Copy !req
28. Dang ol' journey, man.Copy !req
29. Ain't no… ain't no race.Copy !req
30. Boomhauer!Copy !req
31. Yo.Copy !req
32. Yo!Copy !req
33. Katherine Hester, man!Copy !req
34. Come on, now.Copy !req
35. Oh, I can't believe it's been 12 years.Copy !req
36. I just got into town a half hour ago.Copy !req
37. Like, uh, dang ol' talkin'
about destiny, man.Copy !req
38. Talkin' 'bout ol' planets aligned,
you know.Copy !req
39. Like… Just like the Big ol' Dipper, man.Copy !req
40. Oh, man, that dang ol' smile.Copy !req
41. You remember getting our braces caught
and hooked like that, man?Copy !req
42. Talkin' 'bout "no pain, no gain."Copy !req
43. You know, I've been thinking
about you a lot lately.Copy !req
44. Oh, man… Dang ol' true, man?Copy !req
45. Well, yeah.Copy !req
46. I mean, I am marrying your brother.Copy !req
47. You! You're marrying, uh… Patch?Copy !req
48. You talkin' 'bout my Patch?Copy !req
49. I guess I'm gonna be
Mrs. Boomhauer after all.Copy !req
50. I was actually on my way
to the airport to pick him up.Copy !req
51. When you see him, could you act surprised?Copy !req
52. That's perfect.Copy !req
53. See you in a bit.Copy !req
54. So, your brother's marrying Katherine.Copy !req
55. She made the best beer.Copy !req
56. Yup.Copy !req
57. Wow, it's like if the Russians
landed on the moon after we didCopy !req
58. and then married it.Copy !req
59. Sorry, Boomhauer.Copy !req
60. Boomhauer's okay.Copy !req
61. He had his chance to land Katherine
in the boat years ago.Copy !req
62. Instead, he cut the line.Copy !req
63. Hey, man, it's like, dang ol' history man.Copy !req
64. Yee-ha!Copy !req
65. Oh, man, here they come now.Copy !req
66. Go act, like, surprised, man!Copy !req
67. Gentlemen, intro-dang-ol'-ducingCopy !req
68. daggum future Mrs. Patch Boomhauer!Copy !req
69. - Unbelievable!
- Oh, gee!Copy !req
70. Katherine, is it not?Copy !req
71. Dang ol' stand there, black T-shirt,
looking all sharp, man,Copy !req
72. with that hair all scruffy
on top that way, man. Come here.Copy !req
73. Yeah, okay. Okay, man. Okay.Copy !req
74. Hey, goddangit, man.Copy !req
75. Don't wake up the dang ol' lion, man.Copy !req
76. Man, hey, come on.Copy !req
77. Hey, hey. Ow. Ow. Ow!Copy !req
78. Daggum jaw, man. Talkin' TMJ, man.Copy !req
79. Shoot, man! Yeah,
that's what… that's what, like,Copy !req
80. got me outta
the daggum porta-john business,Copy !req
81. dang ol' quick like, man,
'cause I'm telling you, like, whew!Copy !req
82. Talkin' Andy Dump, man.Copy !req
83. Oh, Patch.Copy !req
84. Mm, I'll tell you what,Copy !req
85. the blood runs hot
in that Boomhauer family.Copy !req
86. Yeah, that Patch got it going on,Copy !req
87. but he a dog, I can smell it from here.Copy !req
88. You know, I still remember
the day Katherine left for London.Copy !req
89. Boomhauer stayed in his hot tub
for two straight days.Copy !req
90. I have never seen a man look
so unhappy, yet so relaxed.Copy !req
91. Bobby, what are you doing?Copy !req
92. I wanna show Patch
I've got what it takes to be a ring boy.Copy !req
93. It's ring bearer,Copy !req
94. and that's Lady Bird's job.Copy !req
95. Besides, you're old enough to be an usher.Copy !req
96. An usher? Wow!Copy !req
97. Sir, come back when you have a tie.Copy !req
98. Yo! Shush it!Copy !req
99. Talkin' 'bout since I was
a "little boy, big brother," man.Copy !req
100. Fed me dirt and daggum bugs.Copy !req
101. But, you know, long story short, man,Copy !req
102. talkin' 'bout… best man.Copy !req
103. Yo.Copy !req
104. Very touching,Copy !req
105. but something tells me this is not over.Copy !req
106. Do you take this burger to be your dinner?Copy !req
107. So, uh, Boomhauer, how you doing there?Copy !req
108. Well, man, you know,
this dang ol' beer's a little warm,Copy !req
109. but, you know.Copy !req
110. I just hope you're readyCopy !req
111. to be thinking of her
as your sister-in-law.Copy !req
112. Hey, man, I ain't got no dang
ol' problem here, man.Copy !req
113. You know, talkin' 'bout you got
that little son of yours, man,Copy !req
114. walking around carrying
that dang ol' little burgerCopy !req
115. on a pillow, man, you got…Copy !req
116. "We… we're here to congratulate PatchCopy !req
117. - "and Katherine on…"
- Daggum cannonball!Copy !req
118. Well, watch it with that dang
ol' cannonball, man!Copy !req
119. Hello, Mr. Boomhauer.Copy !req
120. Thanks for letting me borrow your Walkman.Copy !req
121. I broke it.Copy !req
122. Talkin' 'bout meow. Here, kitty-kitty.Copy !req
123. Patch-elor party, man.Copy !req
124. Daggum, find you a place to sit, darlin'.Copy !req
125. Just a little ol' kidder, man.Copy !req
126. You know, every dang ol' April Fool's,
growing up, man,Copy !req
127. putting up a little ol' frog in my bed.Copy !req
128. You know? Just ol' Patch, man.Copy !req
129. Woo, dawg! That's a sweet taste, man.Copy !req
130. Lookin' forward to that meal.
You know, likeCopy !req
131. You know you gotta talk
'bout, think 'bout new,Copy !req
132. turning over a new leaf
with ol' Katherine, man.Copy !req
133. You got, like, vows, man,
talkin' 'bout vows.Copy !req
134. Yo man, talkin' 'bout,
eating at home, man,Copy !req
135. except for drive-thru window action
now and then, man.Copy !req
136. Talkin' 'bout fast food, baby!Copy !req
137. Dang ol' grow up, man.Copy !req
138. Yup.Copy !req
139. Yup.Copy !req
140. Fight!Copy !req
141. Get off me, man!Copy !req
142. Now calm down!Copy !req
143. Both of you!Copy !req
144. I can't understand a word you're saying!Copy !req
145. Shoot, man, I mean, man.Copy !req
146. Just talkin' wedding, man, goes off.Copy !req
147. Daggum jealousy, man.Copy !req
148. Ugly, green-eyed monster, man.Copy !req
149. You must settle this like men.Copy !req
150. Angry, redneck men.Copy !req
151. Blunderbusses at 20 paces!Copy !req
152. Dangit, Boomhauer.Copy !req
153. Your brother is getting marriedCopy !req
154. and you need to start acting right!Copy !req
155. Talk 'bout tell him, man!Copy !req
156. He's the one wanna get dang
ol' hoochie-coochie dance, man.Copy !req
157. Hey, man, no, you too much
hoochie-coochie, man, talk.Copy !req
158. You ain't no best man, after all.Copy !req
159. - No way, no how!
- Yeah, man, you know,Copy !req
160. you can't fire me, man,
'cause I tell you what! I quit!Copy !req
161. Daggum, can't have no wedding
with no best man, man.Copy !req
162. Hold the ring, give the speech, man.Copy !req
163. You know, throw the bachelor party, man.Copy !req
164. You know, daggum, man.
You know, talking about… Hank?Copy !req
165. - Whoa.
- Yeah, but…Copy !req
166. Me? Your best man?Copy !req
167. Well, I…Copy !req
168. Patch…Copy !req
169. I'd be honored.Copy !req
170. Well, what was I gonna do?Copy !req
171. Let Patch have a wedding
without a best man?Copy !req
172. Boomhauer had his chance with Katherine.Copy !req
173. Maybe this is just the kick in the pants.Copy !req
174. Boomhauer needs to snap him out
of that Peter Pan lifestyle.Copy !req
175. You know, maybe you're right.Copy !req
176. He's not getting any younger,Copy !req
177. and all the women he dates are.Copy !req
178. Something's got to give.Copy !req
179. So, what are Patch and Katherine
serving at their wedding?Copy !req
180. I need to know what color tux to getCopy !req
181. stain-wise.Copy !req
182. Hey, uh, Boomhauer,
we're gonna start planningCopy !req
183. the bachelor party at my place tonight.Copy !req
184. You wanna join us?Copy !req
185. Remember how much fun you had
at our bachelor parties?Copy !req
186. D Some people call me the space cowboy d.Copy !req
187. Hey, Bill, can you grab me a beer?Copy !req
188. D Some call me the gangster of love d.Copy !req
189. That looks just likeCopy !req
190. a dangol' ball and chain, man.Copy !req
191. Hey, Hank, could you grab me a beer?Copy !req
192. D Yeah… d.Copy !req
193. That looks just likeCopy !req
194. a dangol' ball and chain, man.Copy !req
195. Hey, man, Dale, why don't you go
and get me a dang ol' beer, man?Copy !req
196. Ah! Wha… what is it, a bomb?Copy !req
197. I can't lose it! It's after me!Copy !req
198. Help!Copy !req
199. So what do you say, Boomhauer?Copy !req
200. You ready to step back in?Copy !req
201. No, man.Copy !req
202. Hello, Boomhauer.Copy !req
203. I heard you dropped out
as Patch's best man.Copy !req
204. I… Dang, I, I don't want
to say nothing 'bout dang ol'…Copy !req
205. Dial back the charm.Copy !req
206. We've got some talking to do.Copy !req
207. I really want us to work things outCopy !req
208. because I couldn't stand the ideaCopy !req
209. of my kids not knowing
their Uncle Boomhauer.Copy !req
210. Man,Copy !req
211. it's just dang ol' complicated,
you know, man?Copy !req
212. It's like a dang ol' Rubik's cube, man.Copy !req
213. Like, talkin' 'bout blue, red, man,
then you get to one side,Copy !req
214. then it like messes up
the other side, man.Copy !req
215. Well, I truly hope
that you'll at least come to the wedding.Copy !req
216. Dang ol'… I… I'll be there, man.Copy !req
217. Hey, Patch.Copy !req
218. We're all geared up for one heck
of a bachelor party tomorrow night.Copy !req
219. We got you three kinds of sausage
and two kinds of pizza.Copy !req
220. You can eat yourself silly, bachelor.Copy !req
221. Shoot, man! I'm talkin'
about entertainment, man.Copy !req
222. Talkin' shake things up, man.
Get live, get wild.Copy !req
223. You know, talkin' go pro.Copy !req
224. Professional entertainers? Wow!Copy !req
225. Daggum right, man. I'll have him call ya.Copy !req
226. You know, dang ol' bring
plenty of singles, huh!Copy !req
227. I wish Boomhauer could see
how happy Patch is.Copy !req
228. So, what do you suppose
the live entertainment is?Copy !req
229. Karaoke.Copy !req
230. Well, he did say it would be wild.Copy !req
231. Tomorrow night
from 7:00 to 10:00 p.m.,Copy !req
232. the family room is reserved
for a bachelor party.Copy !req
233. I've got a variance from the city.Copy !req
234. They're letting us have 70 decibels.Copy !req
235. Same as Bennigan's.Copy !req
236. Well, we are having
a bachelorette party for Katherine,Copy !req
237. and Minh is bringing three
Patrick Swayze movies.Copy !req
238. Uh…Copy !req
239. Bobby, now I can't officially invite youCopy !req
240. to the bachelor party,Copy !req
241. but if a certain usherCopy !req
242. sneaked in and had a Snappy TomCopy !req
243. or maybe some unattended Collins mixer,Copy !req
244. I'd be too busy to notice.Copy !req
245. Hill residence.Copy !req
246. Yeah, this is Kraig T.
Of KT Entertainment.Copy !req
247. We have you booked for the use
of some special talent tomorrow night.Copy !req
248. - Is that correct?
- Oh, yes, yes, the party planner.Copy !req
249. Now, the groom mentioned
that he would like a happy ending.Copy !req
250. You cool with that?Copy !req
251. Of course, he's getting married!Copy !req
252. Wait. I got chalk
in the other room.Copy !req
253. Oh, man. You look dang, dang
ol' beautiful, man.Copy !req
254. Mm, I'm sure somehow it's bad luckCopy !req
255. for you to see me in my gown.Copy !req
256. Will you try to stop
by Patch's bachelor party?Copy !req
257. Knowing Patch, it'll be pretty tame.Copy !req
258. But I'm sure there'll be good food
and good music.Copy !req
259. Katherine, man, you know…Copy !req
260. I don't want to go against blood
or nothin' like that,Copy !req
261. but, man, you got…Copy !req
262. Got to keep a dang ol' eye on Patch, man.Copy !req
263. Boomhauer!Copy !req
264. I never thought I'd have
to pull you in the garageCopy !req
265. - like I do with Bill and Dale.
- Hey, man…Copy !req
266. The time for you to stop this wedding
was 20 years ago,Copy !req
267. before you broke up with Katherine.Copy !req
268. You need to grow up.Copy !req
269. Patch did.Copy !req
270. Man, now, now, you don't understand, man.Copy !req
271. - Dang ol'…
- I think I understand plenty,Copy !req
272. but you need to suck it up
and get with the program.Copy !req
273. D Some people call me the space cowboy d.Copy !req
274. Ace high, in your face, sir.Copy !req
275. Yeah, look at that. All those Frito chips
are all yours, ol' top.Copy !req
276. D Some people call me Maurice… d.Copy !req
277. Uh, hey, Patch, can you grab me a beer?Copy !req
278. Hold it down, guys.
We're, we're pushing past 60.Copy !req
279. Yo, man.Copy !req
280. Talkin' 'bout… and yo.Copy !req
281. Aw…Copy !req
282. Be right there!Copy !req
283. Everyone hold on to your hatsCopy !req
284. 'cause the special talent
has just arrived.Copy !req
285. Yee-haw!Copy !req
286. Hello. You must be Mr. T.Copy !req
287. How are you this evening, sir?Copy !req
288. I've sent the talent 'round back.Copy !req
289. Did you leave the door unlocked
like we discussed?Copy !req
290. Yes, sir.Copy !req
291. Ah, karaoke.Copy !req
292. Dale was right.Copy !req
293. Edible underpants.Copy !req
294. Made from the same stuff as Fruit Rollups,Copy !req
295. so don't sit on anything dusty.Copy !req
296. Game time!Copy !req
297. 101 Bachelorette Party Games.Copy !req
298. For the first game,Copy !req
299. we will need nail polish
and a summer squash…Copy !req
300. Oh! Eh…Copy !req
301. Why don't we go see
what the guys are up to?Copy !req
302. Gentlemen, there's only one rule,Copy !req
303. and that is to have fun,Copy !req
304. and to tip generously.Copy !req
305. Well, since you're here to emcee,Copy !req
306. I'm gonna go get the hot wings.Copy !req
307. I could use a little help.Copy !req
308. Gents, there is a special menu available
for special requests.Copy !req
309. All right? Yeah.Copy !req
310. Okay, all right?Copy !req
311. Now let's get the bachelor!Copy !req
312. Patch, Patch, Patch, Patch,Copy !req
313. Patch, Patch!Copy !req
314. Dang, man, ol', don't, no way, man!Copy !req
315. Talkin' 'bout dang ol' sanctity
of marriage, man.Copy !req
316. Just dang ol' get on out.Copy !req
317. Daggum, mine, all mine, man.Copy !req
318. - Talkin' primed and ready.
- Now, here's some dang ol' money.Copy !req
319. Now, you just get dang ol' get
on out of here, man.Copy !req
320. Hold on now. Come on, baby.Copy !req
321. We need a bedroom story, man.
Talking "Once Upon My Lap."Copy !req
322. Get 'em while they're hot!Copy !req
323. - Wanna have some fun?
- Wow!Copy !req
324. You didn't tell me about this part, Dad.Copy !req
325. Bobby, close your eyes
and go to your room.Copy !req
326. Man, here's my dang ol'…
Just leave, man.Copy !req
327. Boomhauer, what are you doing?Copy !req
328. Hank?Copy !req
329. Patch?Copy !req
330. Daggum, ol' help!Copy !req
331. Boomhauer, told you no hanky-panky.Copy !req
332. Dang ol' hijacked by boom-hos.Copy !req
333. Is this true?Copy !req
334. Boomhauer, did you pay
for these women to…Copy !req
335. I can't believe you!Copy !req
336. Marriage may not mean anything to you,Copy !req
337. but it means a lot
to Patch and me and BuckCopy !req
338. and everyone else here!Copy !req
339. Hey, man, now I'm talkin'
'bout ol' dang ol'…Copy !req
340. I don't wanna hear it!Copy !req
341. Now take your hired floozies
and get the hell out!Copy !req
342. Now, Boomhauer!Copy !req
343. Guys night out, man, talkin'… Girls?Copy !req
344. Why?Copy !req
345. I really thought
Boomhauer had come around.Copy !req
346. I mean, he brought beer.Copy !req
347. But then… the prostitutes.Copy !req
348. Maybe you can work that
into your best man speechCopy !req
349. at the rehearsal dinner.Copy !req
350. You know, in a funny way.Copy !req
351. What really bugs me
is that Boomhauer flat out lied to me.Copy !req
352. It makes me question
our entire friendship.Copy !req
353. Whoremonger, yes.Copy !req
354. Liar, unproven.Copy !req
355. Technically, Boomhauer
did not lie to your face.Copy !req
356. You merely assume that he lied.Copy !req
357. Wait a minute. You're right.Copy !req
358. I never asked BoomhauerCopy !req
359. if he tried to break up
Patch and Katherine,Copy !req
360. so he hasn't actually lied to me yet.Copy !req
361. If I go to Boomhauer,
and he comes clean, wellCopy !req
362. maybe there's a chance
we can still be friends.Copy !req
363. Does this suit smell like
embalming fluid to you?Copy !req
364. Now, Boomhauer,Copy !req
365. as a man, I'm obligatedCopy !req
366. to try to salvage our friendship
of over 30 yearsCopy !req
367. by asking you some tough questions.Copy !req
368. Do you love Katherine Hester?Copy !req
369. Yo, man.Copy !req
370. And does the thought of Patch
marrying her tear you up inside?Copy !req
371. Yo, man.Copy !req
372. And did you hire those ladies
of easy virtueCopy !req
373. to frame Patch and break up the wedding?Copy !req
374. No, man.Copy !req
375. Oh, Boomhauer,Copy !req
376. I am so sorry for doubting you.Copy !req
377. But wait a minute.
If you didn't hire those girls, then…Copy !req
378. Kraig T?Copy !req
379. Oh, god, Patch knew all along!Copy !req
380. Dang ol' yeah, man!Copy !req
381. Now, now, talkin' 'bout don't get hurt
falling off that dang ol' high horse, man.Copy !req
382. Boomhauer, I deserve all that and more,Copy !req
383. but right now, I need to get
to the rehearsal dinnerCopy !req
384. and set things right.Copy !req
385. I'll give Patch
the "happy ending" he deserves,Copy !req
386. I tell you what.Copy !req
387. Dang ol', where's the best man?Copy !req
388. Daggum Hank gotta give speech, man.
Talkin' 'bout…Copy !req
389. "Life's funny sometimes…"Copy !req
390. Like that, man.Copy !req
391. Oh, my god, your Hank is dead-on.Copy !req
392. You know, I do a great Bobby.Copy !req
393. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
394. We have a hard seven o'clock start time,Copy !req
395. so I'm gonna…Copy !req
396. There Boomhauer.Copy !req
397. We get a good fight,
it make up for cash bar.Copy !req
398. Ooh, yo.Copy !req
399. Mm.Copy !req
400. Uh, sorry, I'm late.Copy !req
401. Hank Hill, best man, Strickland Propane.Copy !req
402. When people get married,
as these two plan tomorrow,Copy !req
403. you've got to act right.Copy !req
404. You've got to have commitment,Copy !req
405. devotion, trust.Copy !req
406. You can't be fooling around,Copy !req
407. and you surely can't be…Copy !req
408. There's something I have to say.Copy !req
409. When Patch first asked me to marry him,Copy !req
410. it was a dream come true.Copy !req
411. But when I got here,Copy !req
412. I realized how much Patch
reminded me of Boomhauer,Copy !req
413. and that I might be trying
to recapture something I lost.Copy !req
414. And then Boomhauer hired
a bunch of prostitutesCopy !req
415. to make me think Patch
was some kind of pervert.Copy !req
416. And I hated him for it.Copy !req
417. But it was that desperate,Copy !req
418. crazy, romantic moveCopy !req
419. that made me realize
maybe there is somethingCopy !req
420. still between Boomhauer and me.Copy !req
421. I'm sorry, Patch.Copy !req
422. I cannot marry you.Copy !req
423. Well, now hold on, baby.Copy !req
424. Now, daggum, no, man.Copy !req
425. It was all me.Copy !req
426. Yeah, all me.Copy !req
427. Talkin' 'bout frequent buyer.Copy !req
428. I spent Thanksgiving with them hos, man.Copy !req
429. Oh, my!Copy !req
430. You're the one who hired those strippers?Copy !req
431. Dang straight, baby.Copy !req
432. Dang ol' hopeless romantic.Copy !req
433. Uh, no!Copy !req
434. Boomhauer hiring themCopy !req
435. because he couldn't stand
to see us togetherCopy !req
436. is a grand romantic gesture.Copy !req
437. You hiring them isCopy !req
438. just plain sleazy!Copy !req
439. It's over, Patch!Copy !req
440. Dang ol', no, baby, talkin' 'bout…
Not me! Man! Talkin'…Copy !req
441. Hank!Copy !req
442. Dang ol' Hank loves hookers, man!Copy !req
443. Well, here we are saying goodbye again.Copy !req
444. Don't worry. I'm not gonna do a donut
in your front lawn this time.Copy !req
445. I just need to go away for a whileCopy !req
446. and get my head together.Copy !req
447. Hell, man, you talkin' 'bout like
a dang ol' roller coaster, man.Copy !req
448. You know, I talk… we talk about destiny,Copy !req
449. and that Big ol' Dipper, man, you know?Copy !req
450. Well, it's just like a…
like a dang ol' North Star, man,Copy !req
451. and I'm always gonna be there, man.Copy !req
452. You know, just like that dang ol' GPS
on a Hertz gold, man.Copy !req
453. I feel the same way.Copy !req
454. Hey, um, dang ol' Hank, man, you know,Copy !req
455. talkin' 'bout, like, that dang ol' day
might never not ever come, you know?Copy !req
456. But if it do, man, you know, I…Copy !req
457. You know, man, I might be puttin'
a little ol' call on… on you, man.Copy !req
458. Well, Boomhauer, I'd be honored.Copy !req
459. D Yahoo! d.Copy !req
460. Oh, Patch.Copy !req