1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. Mmm, something smells good.Copy !req
3. It's the menu.Copy !req
4. Ha! Even the menu smells good
at Rattlesnakes!Copy !req
5. Luanne, Luanne...Copy !req
6. Hey, Peggy, if I get
the chicken-fried chickenCopy !req
7. and you get the chicken-
fried steak, we can...Copy !req
8. Just a moment.Copy !req
9. There is something that
I must take care of.Copy !req
10. I do so know enoughCopy !req
11. not to put a salad-size fork
in the spoon bin.Copy !req
12. Well, that fork
didn't just walk alongCopy !req
13. and hop in there by herself,
did she now?Copy !req
14. No, she couldn't have.Copy !req
15. Excuse me, ma'am.Copy !req
16. Why are you calling
my niece a liar?Copy !req
17. Luanne knows we have a wayCopy !req
18. of doing things here
at Rattlesnakes.Copy !req
19. She also knows the consequencesCopy !req
20. of not following that way.Copy !req
21. You will not use threats
with her.Copy !req
22. And you will not tell me how
to talk to my supervisees.Copy !req
23. And you have just lost yourself
a waitress. She quits.Copy !req
24. Well, now, wait a minute.Copy !req
25. I wasn't going to fire her.Copy !req
26. Mm-hmm, it's too late
for your apologiesCopy !req
27. now isn't it?Copy !req
28. Luanne, pick up your clothes
and three onion loaves.Copy !req
29. We are going home.Copy !req
30. You know, I probablyCopy !req
31. wouldn't have lost
my Rattle snakes jobCopy !req
32. if you hadn't said anything.Copy !req
33. Exactly. But I won't
be around foreverCopy !req
34. to do everything for you.Copy !req
35. You have to learn
to help yourself.Copy !req
36. How did it help me
to lose my job?Copy !req
37. It will leave you open
for new opportunities.Copy !req
38. Such as the one that I am
about to present to you.Copy !req
39. The Learning Annex
is offering a classCopy !req
40. on "The Joy
of Entrepreneuring."Copy !req
41. I signed you up.Copy !req
42. It would be really nice
if sometimes you could ask meCopy !req
43. when you make decisions
about my life.Copy !req
44. You're right.Copy !req
45. Would you like to go
at 7:00 or at 9:00?Copy !req
46. Mmm... 7:00.Copy !req
47. I'm sorry,
that won't work for me.Copy !req
48. A lot of you think
of Trip LarsenCopy !req
49. as the hog king of Arlen.Copy !req
50. But he wasn't born
with that crown on his head.Copy !req
51. He's an entrepreneurCopy !req
52. an innovator, and an inventorCopy !req
53. responsible for edibilizing
two new parts of the pig.Copy !req
54. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
55. My great-grandfather
started Larsen Pork ProductsCopy !req
56. with little more than three pigs
and a killing hammer.Copy !req
57. Today, I'm proud to say,
we kill more pigs thanCopy !req
58. well, pig hepatitis.Copy !req
59. There's no secret to success,
really.Copy !req
60. You have to have a passion
for whatever you doCopy !req
61. whether it's processing pigs
or sheepCopy !req
62. or cattle into food
and food products.Copy !req
63. What's a food product?Copy !req
64. It's like food, but cheaper.Copy !req
65. Hmm...Copy !req
66. Young lady, you had a question?Copy !req
67. Yes. I find that I am
too busy succeedingCopy !req
68. to keep track
of all of my ideas.Copy !req
69. So, I keep them in a file.Copy !req
70. Well, actually, that's more
of a comment than a question.Copy !req
71. Well, thank you.
I think so, too.Copy !req
72. Well, hello.Copy !req
73. How did you like my lecture?Copy !req
74. Did you enjoy it?Copy !req
75. I mean, did you enjoy itCopy !req
76. as much as I enjoyed
having you at my lecture?Copy !req
77. I really liked the partCopy !req
78. where you were excited
about what you do.Copy !req
79. That's what I'm
trying to find...Copy !req
80. a career I'm passionate about.Copy !req
81. Like waitressing
at a steak house...Copy !req
82. You know, you have
that special...Copy !req
83. I don't know...
unspoiled qualityCopy !req
84. and something tells meCopy !req
85. I think you'd do
pretty darn well in pork.Copy !req
86. How'd you like to interview
for a positionCopy !req
87. with Larsen Pork Products?Copy !req
88. Well, I did work with
pork chops in my lastjob.Copy !req
89. Well, to be honest, sometimes
I dropped a couple.Copy !req
90. Well, see,
that's the beauty of pork...Copy !req
91. it rinses off clean.Copy !req
92. Ice cream?Copy !req
93. Hey, what are you celebrating?Copy !req
94. Trip Larsen has scheduled
an interview with Luanne.Copy !req
95. I get to go to his house!Copy !req
96. I don't see why he has
to see her at his house.Copy !req
97. You think he could be interestedCopy !req
98. in something more
than an interview?Copy !req
99. The pork industry
is famously informal.Copy !req
100. That's how these things
are done.Copy !req
101. Uh, Luanne, sometimes
men aren't interestedCopy !req
102. in what they say
they're interested in.Copy !req
103. To put it bluntly, they're more
interested in something else.Copy !req
104. Oh, you mean sex?Copy !req
105. N-n-no... no... no...Copy !req
106. Yes.Copy !req
107. I'm here for my interview,
Mr. Larsen.Copy !req
108. I am also here
for her interview.Copy !req
109. Luanne, let's go ballooning.Copy !req
110. Peggy, why don't you read
my autobiography?Copy !req
111. Oh, it's all so beautiful.Copy !req
112. You can see for miles.Copy !req
113. Yeah, 3.7 miles.Copy !req
114. You can see up
to around eight milesCopy !req
115. if you try this monocular.Copy !req
116. It's Austrian.Copy !req
117. They make the best monocular.Copy !req
118. Something wrong?Copy !req
119. Well... it's just that...Copy !req
120. um, well... you know so much
and I know so little.Copy !req
121. I hope that doesn't
make you think I'm stupid.Copy !req
122. You are not stupid.Copy !req
123. You're ignorant.Copy !req
124. What? No, you can't tell...Copy !req
125. It's a compliment.Copy !req
126. That just means you
haven't had the chanceCopy !req
127. to learn all the wrong things.Copy !req
128. Oh...Copy !req
129. No one's ever told me
that before.Copy !req
130. Well, maybe that's because
no one has ever realizedCopy !req
131. how ignorant you truly are.Copy !req
132. Oh, my Lord!Copy !req
133. What are you doing?Copy !req
134. That is not a proper way
to interview!Copy !req
135. - Ah... Who's house are we going to T.P.
- ing this year?Copy !req
136. Probably mine again.Copy !req
137. So, how'd it go?Copy !req
138. Mr. Trip Larsen
is the most wonderful manCopy !req
139. in the whole world!Copy !req
140. Well, you gave you a job, huh?Copy !req
141. What position?Copy !req
142. Oh, I'm his girlfriend!Copy !req
143. Well, I knew
this guy was no goodCopy !req
144. but braiding your hair?Copy !req
145. From the back, your head
looks like a horse's ass.Copy !req
146. Well, Trip likes my hair
in braids.Copy !req
147. He says they make me look smart.Copy !req
148. Luanne, honey, it's not that we
don't like your hair in braidsCopy !req
149. which we don'tCopy !req
150. it's that we don't like Trip.Copy !req
151. He's old enough
to be your fatherCopy !req
152. and he's treating you
like a child.Copy !req
153. Stop worrying, Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
154. And I'm going to eat my
salad after my steak.Copy !req
155. Trip says that's the French way.Copy !req
156. So I can have my dessert firstCopy !req
157. then my steak.Copy !req
158. And then, if I
have room, my salad.Copy !req
159. Salad after steak?Copy !req
160. I hate to say this
twice in one mealCopy !req
161. but, "horse's ass."Copy !req
162. Hello.Copy !req
163. We were in the neighborhoodCopy !req
164. and thought you might like
some of my Brown Betty.Copy !req
165. We can also discuss my Luanne.Copy !req
166. Hey, that's a good idea.Copy !req
167. Sounds fun.Copy !req
168. How would you like to watch
some football bloopersCopy !req
169. while I finish my set?Copy !req
170. You know, they send us
advertisers some stuff that...Copy !req
171. well, you'll see it
nowhere else.Copy !req
172. I could take a look.Copy !req
173. Hank, remember
what we're here for.Copy !req
174. But this is private bloopers.Copy !req
175. Hey, do you have the snowmanCopy !req
176. who caught fire at
the Viking's game?Copy !req
177. Do I...Copy !req
178. I've got three different snowmen
catching fire.Copy !req
179. There he goes.Copy !req
180. How's it going?Copy !req
181. Did Blanca set you up all right?Copy !req
182. I would like
to talk about LuanneCopy !req
183. before we have to make
a blooper reel out of her life.Copy !req
184. Well, we just want to make sureCopy !req
185. Luanne isn't getting
into any trouble.Copy !req
186. She is our only niece.Copy !req
187. Hank, Luanne is lucky
to have somebody like youCopy !req
188. looking out for her.Copy !req
189. Will you look at that.Copy !req
190. Yeah, that's the J-5.Copy !req
191. It's a little project
I've been working onCopy !req
192. for quite some time now.Copy !req
193. In terms of
time-to-processing weightCopy !req
194. meat yield, weanabilityCopy !req
195. she's pretty much
the perfect pig.Copy !req
196. Mmm, looks like you could
eat it with a spoon.Copy !req
197. Just give me five years
and you will.Copy !req
198. Oh, just like a baby.Copy !req
199. Look at her, Peggy.Copy !req
200. Remind you of someone
when he was little?Copy !req
201. Hank, how would you like to rideCopy !req
202. in a hot air balloon?Copy !req
203. Hey, I don't have to tell youCopy !req
204. it's powered by propane.Copy !req
205. Well, that's one
of the eight uses of propaneCopy !req
206. I haven't experienced
first hand.Copy !req
207. Oh, dear Lord.Copy !req
208. Peggy, I feel like
Neil Armstrong up here!Copy !req
209. I can see everybody's gutters,
and they look great!Copy !req
210. Mrs. Hill, I'm a guy
who makes his own rules.Copy !req
211. You play by them...Copy !req
212. everybody wins.Copy !req
213. Try to call your own game...Copy !req
214. not so terrific.Copy !req
215. Whoa!Copy !req
216. Well, let me tell you somethingCopy !req
217. you might be rich,
but all the money in the worldCopy !req
218. cannot buy you
the most precious gift of all...Copy !req
219. my respect.Copy !req
220. The man willfully
endangered your lifeCopy !req
221. just to make a point, Hank.Copy !req
222. Try to see it
from his point of view.Copy !req
223. He was trying to control
the balloonCopy !req
224. and you kept talking to him.Copy !req
225. I was right there.Copy !req
226. He was pulling and yanking
that cordCopy !req
227. and trying to jerk you
out of thereCopy !req
228. with every last fiber
of his being, and then some.Copy !req
229. Aunt Peggy, Trip believes that
no one ever solved anythingCopy !req
230. with a run-on sentence.Copy !req
231. What?
How dare you!Copy !req
232. You do not come into my house
and correct my grammarCopy !req
233. unless your name happens
to be Strunk or White.Copy !req
234. Is it?Copy !req
235. I'm just trying to help youCopy !req
236. improve yourself, Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
237. Mmm, this'll cook up nice, Hank.Copy !req
238. How much did it cost you, huh?Copy !req
239. A hundred bucks?Copy !req
240. Hank, the man is crazy.Copy !req
241. That headless pig is a threat.Copy !req
242. No, it's a giftCopy !req
243. from Trip Larsen,
and it's to you.Copy !req
244. I guess somebody
owes Trip an apology.Copy !req
245. There is a large,
dead animal on my lawn!Copy !req
246. Look, let's be reasonable
about this.Copy !req
247. I work in propane,
so I give away propane.Copy !req
248. Trip Larsen works with porkCopy !req
249. so that's why he gave us
this fella here.Copy !req
250. Oh!Copy !req
251. No! You're bruising
the rinds!Copy !req
252. That's it!Copy !req
253. Luanne, I have decided
that your boyfriend is crazy.Copy !req
254. Now, do you want
to break up with himCopy !req
255. or should I?Copy !req
256. Now, just stop it!Copy !req
257. Stop telling me what to do!Copy !req
258. I am a proud, ignorant womanCopy !req
259. and no one
is going to change that!Copy !req
260. Now that is the stupidest thing
I ever heard anyone say.Copy !req
261. You wiped your eyes on my tie.Copy !req
262. That's okay.Copy !req
263. It's an amazing fabric.Copy !req
264. Thanks, Trip.Copy !req
265. I feel better.Copy !req
266. I'm going to go home nowCopy !req
267. and think of something mean
to do to Aunt Peggy, okay?Copy !req
268. Luanne, you are home.Copy !req
269. I took the liberty of having
your belongingsCopy !req
270. meat-trucked out here.Copy !req
271. Forgive me if they
smell delicious.Copy !req
272. Luanne, dear, this
will be your room.Copy !req
273. It's so beautiful.Copy !req
274. Oh, I don't see
any of my clothes.Copy !req
275. That's because
I had them shredded.Copy !req
276. Plant mulch.Copy !req
277. Gardening tip:Copy !req
278. Synthetics make
wonderful ground cover.Copy !req
279. But... but, see, I need stuff
to wear to dinner.Copy !req
280. Not a problem.Copy !req
281. But they're all the same.Copy !req
282. Nothing is exactly the same.Copy !req
283. Everything has a small
flaw or imperfection.Copy !req
284. It drives me mad.Copy !req
285. Trip?Copy !req
286. Trip, is... is that you?Copy !req
287. Trip, are you there?Copy !req
288. Back!Copy !req
289. Back off, girl.Copy !req
290. Don't be messing
with Papa's ladyCopy !req
291. now, you hear?Copy !req
292. Are you all right, dearest?Copy !req
293. Why is there a pig in the house?Copy !req
294. Oh, don't tell me
you're jealous.Copy !req
295. I might have grown up poorCopy !req
296. but I never knew anyone
who kept a pig in the house.Copy !req
297. Well, that's because
they weren't equipped for it.Copy !req
298. The floor in there
is Brazilian rosewood...Copy !req
299. super hard, super
high-quality stuff.Copy !req
300. And I had it finishedCopy !req
301. with four coats
of polyurethane...Copy !req
302. not that it needs it.Copy !req
303. The J-5's hooves are soft
as bedroom slippers.Copy !req
304. Schweigen!Copy !req
305. Go back to bed, honey.Copy !req
306. I'll have Blanca bring you upCopy !req
307. a warm glass
of milk, okay? Okay.Copy !req
308. Finish it all.Copy !req
309. Oh, good. You're up.Copy !req
310. My... my head is bleeding.Copy !req
311. Your head hasn't been harmed.Copy !req
312. It's been improved.Copy !req
313. I took the liberty of dying itCopy !req
314. while you were asleep
these last 14 hours.Copy !req
315. But... well, why?Copy !req
316. I don't want red hair.Copy !req
317. You don't like it? Okay.Copy !req
318. Well, we can always shave it offCopy !req
319. and wait for it to regrow.Copy !req
320. No!Copy !req
321. Good. Then it's settled.Copy !req
322. Blanca, um... I'm going
all the way downstairsCopy !req
323. to practice my harp
like Mr. Larsen wanted me to.Copy !req
324. It's me.Copy !req
325. Except for the teeth.Copy !req
326. But that can be taken care of.Copy !req
327. Are you tryingCopy !req
328. to turn me into her?Copy !req
329. This is the Larsen
Pork Products GirlCopy !req
330. my grandfather
created 50 years ago.Copy !req
331. Her picture graced the walls
in my nursery.Copy !req
332. Mother never really
paid me much attentionCopy !req
333. but she was always there.Copy !req
334. I'm very sorry about your motherCopy !req
335. and now I'm going home.Copy !req
336. Please don't go.Copy !req
337. I spent so many years
trying to find you.Copy !req
338. Look at her.Copy !req
339. The Larsen Pork Products WomanCopy !req
340. is as comfortable
dining with kingsCopy !req
341. as she is slaughtering pigs.Copy !req
342. I never thought I'd meet someone
as perfect as the womanCopy !req
343. in that picture.Copy !req
344. And then I saw you.Copy !req
345. At the Learning Annex.Copy !req
346. I guess.Copy !req
347. I'm just so alone here.Copy !req
348. I get scared.Copy !req
349. I understand.Copy !req
350. And I mean to fix all thatCopy !req
351. with a big Halloween partyCopy !req
352. to show the world
just how happy we are.Copy !req
353. Can I dress up as a pirate?Copy !req
354. A woman as a pirate?Copy !req
355. Well, that's just crazy.Copy !req
356. I know just what you'll wear.Copy !req
357. This.Copy !req
358. Hey, it's an invitation.Copy !req
359. "Larsen Pork ProductsCopy !req
360. "and the Dance Theater of ArlenCopy !req
361. invite you
to a Halloween Gala."Copy !req
362. Sounds like a blast.Copy !req
363. Well, I know Luanne
doesn't want to see meCopy !req
364. but I am a Silver Slipper donorCopy !req
365. to the Dance Theater of ArlenCopy !req
366. and those people
still owe me an umbrella.Copy !req
367. Oh, great. It's Luanne.Copy !req
368. I'll bet she can tell
us where the bathroom is.Copy !req
369. Is that all you care about...
the bathroom?Copy !req
370. What about Luanne?Copy !req
371. I can't enjoy a partyCopy !req
372. until I know
where the bathroom is.Copy !req
373. You knew that
when you married me.Copy !req
374. Hi, Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
375. Uncle Hank.Copy !req
376. I'm really glad you could come.Copy !req
377. You look nice, Luanne.Copy !req
378. I know.
Trip told me.Copy !req
379. I'm the Larsen
Pork Products Girl.Copy !req
380. Oh, you see, Peggy?Copy !req
381. I could have come
as a Strickland Propane guyCopy !req
382. instead of renting this getup.Copy !req
383. Mister is ready for you now.Copy !req
384. Oh. This is Blanca.Copy !req
385. She's my best friend here.Copy !req
386. Trip?Copy !req
387. Trip?Copy !req
388. I'm here, dearest.Copy !req
389. Luanne, you've never
looked more beautiful.Copy !req
390. And I've never felt more alive.Copy !req
391. I never thought
this day would comeCopy !req
392. when I would have everythingCopy !req
393. I've ever wanted
within my grasp.Copy !req
394. Is that an engagement ring?Copy !req
395. Wait, Luanne.
I want everything to be perfect.Copy !req
396. Luanne, will you
do me the great honorCopy !req
397. of marrying... him.Copy !req
398. Him?Copy !req
399. Javier, the time has come.Copy !req
400. That's the man in the ad!Copy !req
401. Life is a series of compromises.Copy !req
402. Trip, I'm kind of confused.Copy !req
403. What is happening here?Copy !req
404. Don't you see?Copy !req
405. We can have it all.Copy !req
406. We can be the family
in the picture.Copy !req
407. You, him and me.Copy !req
408. What? What?Copy !req
409. Luanne, wait!Copy !req
410. Luanne!Copy !req
411. Where did Luanne go?Copy !req
412. That's for me to know
and you to find out.Copy !req
413. And me to find out, tooCopy !req
414. because I don't know.Copy !req
415. Luanne!Copy !req
416. Luanne, wait.Copy !req
417. I can explain everything.Copy !req
418. No! You're sick.Copy !req
419. I'm calling the police.Copy !req
420. Luanne,
you're not thinking clearly.Copy !req
421. I'm here, Luanne!Copy !req
422. I'll take care of everything.Copy !req
423. Oops.Copy !req
424. This is perfect!Copy !req
425. Now we can become
Larsen Pork ProductsCopy !req
426. together.Copy !req
427. Luanne, trust me.Copy !req
428. This is for the best.Copy !req
429. We agreed that I
would do the thinkingCopy !req
430. for both of us.Copy !req
431. I never agreed to be
a Larsen Pork product.Copy !req
432. Luanne, I thoughtCopy !req
433. you loved me!Copy !req
434. No. Trip!Copy !req
435. Pull the left lever! Now!Copy !req
436. Let me do it.Copy !req
437. Mama, Papa, I'm coming home.Copy !req
438. Oh, my God.Copy !req
439. I can suddenly think clearly.Copy !req
440. The voices have left my head.Copy !req
441. What am I doing
in a pig costume?Copy !req
442. Uh-oh.Copy !req
443. Well...Copy !req
444. at least Trip seemed happy.Copy !req
445. And now he's in a better place.Copy !req
446. Honey, Trip had
a mental breakdownCopy !req
447. and is now a sausage.Copy !req
448. That's not a better place.Copy !req
449. But you handled the
situation very well.Copy !req
450. I did, didn't I?Copy !req
451. You saved yourselfCopy !req
452. by thinking for yourself.Copy !req
453. I did, didn't I?Copy !req
454. You are your own woman.Copy !req
455. I am. I am!Copy !req
456. So, really, it's a happy ending.Copy !req
457. Happy enough.Copy !req
458. Ripped By mstollCopy !req