King of the Hill 7x8

Directed by Adam Kuhlman

Peri Gilpin as Mary Ellen (voice) • Michael McShane as Mountain Man (voice) • Allison Janney as Laura (voice) • David Herman as Muscular Man (voice) • Amanda Carlin as Matriarch (voice)

Seeking an invitation to a book club, Peggy takes over the lease for a bookstore, where business is a bust--until she lets Dale sell guns there, too.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Today we'll be discussing A Tale of Two Cities.

2. A terrific book

3. by that most Dickensian of authors, Charles Dickens.

4. Okay, you've all read it.

5. Come on, let's get a dialogue going.

6. Um, I really liked the guillotine.

7. Yes, yes.

8. Um, why don't they have the guillotine here?

9. - Well, I don't know, but the theme… - Did anyone ever try

10. to pull their head out of the guillotine at the last minute

11. so, like, just the top of their head got chopped off?

12. Okay, are there any questions not involving the guillotine?

13. Anyone?

14. Anything?

15. So that's it?

16. What about class differences?

17. What about romantic love?

18. Sacrifice and regret?

19. Everything in life is between the covers of this book, people.

20. You went crazy.

21. My husband likes his stories.

22. People say he was a poor man's Hemingway

23. but I think Hemingway was a poor man's Hemingway.

24. "Poor man's Hemingway."

25. Uh, can I help you find something?

26. Well, yes.

27. I am looking to replace my well-worn

28. and fully understood copy of A Tale of Two Cities

29. - by Charles… - Dickens. Of course.

30. It's in Classics to your left.

31. Anyway, I hope tonight's discussion will be as spirited as the last one.

32. You bring the opinions, I'll bring the Merlot,

33. and I'm sure it will be.

34. Merlot? Well, excuse me.

35. You must be talking about a book club.

36. We are.

37. A bientot.

38. Pardon my French.

39. Oh, es de nada.

40. And my Spanish needs no apologies.

41. You know, as one intellectual to another,

42. I must say your book club sounds fun.

43. And I do happen to be free tonight.

44. You're not free. You have a date with Dickens.

45. That'll be $5.95.

46. Yup.

47. Yup.

48. Oh, mind if I join you?

49. I'm kind of in the mood for some stimulating conversation.

50. You've come to the right place.

51. Now, Bill, you were opining on a matter of some import.

52. Oh, yeah.

53. Why is it I like butter, but I don't like cheese?

54. They're both yellow.

55. Is it the texture?

56. You do too, like cheese, Bill.

57. - I've seen you eat it. - No, I don't.

58. Remember A Taleof Two Cities? Dickens?

59. Well, I'm in the middle of rereading it,

60. - and it… - Peggy, you've seen Bill eat cheese.

61. Why won't you take my word for this?

62. Cream cheese is cheese, Bill.

63. No, it's not. It's butter.

64. And if I'm in your book club, I can assure you

65. you'll never have to worry about long awkward pauses.

66. Well, what do you think?

67. If it were up to me, I'd… think about it.

68. But they only invite me

69. because I give them a discount on their books.

70. And I'm closing the store soon to retire anyway.

71. My lease is up.

72. Retiring?

73. Everybody keeps saying, "Leave Arlen?"

74. But I've always wanted to spend my later years some place

75. where it's nice and cold all year round.

76. Six hundred dollars a month for five years?

77. I don't know.

78. Hank, I really need to be around people who love books.

79. I will do all the work.

80. All you have to do is cosign

81. as you are the one with an income, and the house is in your name.

82. Oh, please, Hank.

83. I will be raking in money with one hand

84. and reading my book for the book club with the other.

85. Oh, Hank.

86. My sacred mission to bring literature to Arlen is now yours.

87. Oh, wait, wait. One last thing.

88. When do I start to attend the book club?

89. Oh, well, the next meeting isn't for a couple of weeks.

90. I'm sure they'll stop by.

91. The best of luck to you, dear.

92. Okay, this is it.

93. Show time.

94. Show time.

95. Hello there, ma'am.

96. We're here to support our local bookseller and buy some books.

97. Well, thank you, handsome patron.

98. Bobby, why don't you go look in the adventure section?

99. Anything about a boy with gumption should be fine.

100. Mm.

101. "Clea, Huntress of Dragonvale.

102. Part the Fifth of the Elves of Evermore Series."

103. Huh.

104. You're listening to Peru Today

105. on listener-supported public radio.

106. - So, how's the… - Fantastic.

107. Best decision I ever made in my life.

108. Good night, Hank.

109. Oh, Dale.

110. So this is a book store.

111. Smells boring.

112. Mm, have you thought about putting saw dust on the floor?

113. I'm getting apple everywhere.

114. I'm sorry, Dale,

115. but this store is reserved for customers and literati.

116. So, why don't you take your apple…

117. - It's a Braeburn. - And get out?

118. Okay. Wait.

119. I am a customer. I'd like your thickest book, please.

120. Here's The Odyssey. It's thick, it's old, it's Greek.

121. This looks promising.

122. Nih, nih, nih, nih…

123. What the hell are you doing?

124. I can't hide a gun inside it without hollowing it out.

125. Unless you have some precuts?

126. Pardon me, ma'am, can you give me four quarters for a dollar?

127. No, I'm sorry. I have a sign.

128. Hey, how much for the 1911-A-1?

129. This baby is yours for, oh, 300 dollars American.

130. Sold.

131. Dale, you cannot sell a firearm in my bookstore…

132. I know, I know. You want your house cut.

133. Twenty percent to the madame.

134. Madame, $60.

135. In theory, I reject this money.

136. It is only in practice that I accept it.

137. You know, this is a perfect gun selling location.

138. So, how 'bout it, Peggy?

139. Can I sell guns in this location?

140. I've got literally oodles of guns at home.

141. Thank you for shopping at Peggy's World of Books.

142. Oh, thank you so much for eating my free cookies.

143. - Hello, I just came by to see… - Laura, thank goodness you're here.

144. I have only made one sale in the past three days,

145. and that was just a greeting card.

146. Peggy, this has never been a high-volume business.

147. But the lease, I mean, how did you…

148. Oh, the executor of my parents' estate sent a check every month

149. interest from some such account.

150. I never quite followed it.

151. But you shouldn't concern yourself with that.

152. We worship the written word, not the almighty dollar, yes?

153. Oh, well, yes, of course.

154. And worse comes to worst

155. you just get your husband to write a check, right?

156. I'm taking one of the Joyces.

157. Good morning.

158. Word to the wise,

159. we have a new collection of Barbara Kingsolver's stories

160. that is her best in years.

161. Guns, I suppose.

162. - Yes, ma'am. - Straight in back.

163. You know, we have a book called Old Yeller.

164. It's about a boy who shoots a dog.

165. With a gun.

166. Welcome, gentlemen.

167. The Tuesday special is Saturday Night specials.

168. Feel free to browse.

169. Uh, here at the Book and Gun

170. we're trying to maintain a certain…

171. What do you call it, Peggy?

172. Ambiance.

173. Right. Ambiance.

174. So we're having cappuccino.

175. That's like coffee, right?

176. I don't know.

177. Oh, and if some well-dressed ladies come in,

178. you're just here to move a piano.

179. - What you reading there, son? - Sports page.

180. The sports page.

181. Well, all right, Bobby.

182. How's the Cowboy's defense…

183. You know, same ol', same ol'. Oh.

184. "Clea, Huntress of…"

185. I told you to get an adventure book.

186. But it is adventure.

187. "The Elf-lord Fylfendell knelt upon the bed of dandelions.

188. 'Young wanderer, ' quoth he,

189. 'I have woven you a magic breastplate…"

190. Bobby, television.

191. Uh…

192. I'm gonna go with, uh

193. gun.

194. Gih.

195. Morning, officer.

196. Do you have a license to sell guns, sir?

197. What I sell is a lifestyle.

198. - A life style free from… - Books. We sell books here.

199. The guns are simply a promotional give-away.

200. Yeah.

201. Okay, as long as everybody leaves this store with a book.

202. Let me show you the stylish nine millimeter Luger

203. that comes free with any $600 purchase of quality science-fiction.

204. Dale, Glock.

205. Oh, I've been looking for this little girl.

206. Sometimes the boys like to go down in the basement

207. and test their piece.

208. But don't worry, I shut off the gas valve.

209. Well, shot off the gas valve.

210. Oh, my God.

211. It's the freakin' book club.

212. You get your skinny butt down to the basement

213. and pass out the silencers.

214. Peggy, hello.

215. Oh, it certainly is an

216. interesting atmosphere you've cultivated.

217. So, the sign says you're selling guns now?

218. Oh, the sign.

219. That old thing.

220. You know, the "T" fell off.

221. It's really supposed to say "gunst."

222. But surely, you didn't come here today for, for a gunst.

223. Enjoy. Good reading.

224. Yes, well, these good people are here from a historical reenactment club.

225. Today we are doing "America in the Time of Whitman."

226. What was that?

227. Merely the anvil of the village smithy.

228. Making horseshoes, no doubt.

229. Yes, well, we've come to place our monthly order

230. for the book club selection A Dinner of Onions, by…

231. Nora Harmony Wallace, of course.

232. A chronicle of three generations of an American family.

233. I always wondered why nobody's ever done that before.

234. Uh, do you have any peroxide and a clean towel?

235. I just shot my dang hand.

236. Oh, well, oh, okay.

237. The, uh, Confederate doctors will be here shortly

238. to give you ether and saw off your arm.

239. Actors.

240. Say, why don't you come to the meeting yourself?

241. To the book club? Really?

242. And bring your husband if you like.

243. The club is mostly couples.

244. Oh, yeah.

245. Ankle holsters all around on the house.

246. All right.

247. Hank, we are going to the book club.

248. Read this by Friday.

249. You are excused from emptying the garbage

250. till this is done.

251. And no TV.

252. You won't let me read a book that I want.

253. Mom makes you read a book that you don't want.

254. That's what the elves call "Justice of the Unicorn."

255. Turns out, the first two chapters were a dream.

256. I'm not sure I trust this lady.

257. And what do you make of this?

258. Every time she cooks dinner for her father, she cries.

259. But it's not always onions.

260. Yeah, man, see, now, my dang ol' father he gon' symbolize the past, man,

261. and ol' dinner gon' be, like, the future, you know?

262. So, you're talkin' 'bout stuck in the present, you know?

263. Just like dang ol' English class, man.

264. I had onions for dinner last night.

265. You can get a pound for 49 cents.

266. "As the ambulance pulled away,

267. Cassie remembered the smell of onions

268. from her grandmother's kitchen.

269. The End."

270. Joe Jack, you awake?

271. I got half a mind to go to Nova Scotia

272. and kick that Benedict's ass, honey.

273. Boy, that Cassie reminds me of someone.

274. Hey, how big did you guys picture her ta-tas?

275. It said she was slender as a willow, so… grapefruits?

276. Come on, let's go.

277. If we stay in the truck too long, people are gonna think we're making out.

278. All right, Kafka, Kafka. Born 1883, wore glasses,

279. burdened by father, loved to sleep in.

280. Yes. Peggy, you are ready.

281. Now, if I tug my earlobe like this,

282. just casually say that you understood what the author was going for, but…

283. Then just trail off like that.

284. I told him, "Mister, you may be on retainer

285. but if you retain your hand on my thigh like that,

286. I will bite it off and bill you for my time."

287. Mm-hmm.

288. That is exactly like the scene at dinner

289. where Cassie confronts the hotel manager, yes?

290. Honey, I couldn't get past Chapter Three.

291. That writer was trying way to hard to be Isabel Allende for my blood.

292. Yeah, yeah. Great reference.

293. Isabel Allende, Chilean authoress born 1942.

294. My source, the Internet.

295. So, you say it's both efficient and clean burning?

296. Fascinating.

297. Oh, Hank, there you are.

298. I was just wondering if you men had noticed

299. the subtle change of perspective in Book Two

300. the way the women have.

301. Book… Two.

302. Uh, fellas, this is my wife, Peggy.

303. Delighted to meet you.

304. Is… is your ear all right, Mrs. Hill?

305. I, uh, understood what the author was going for.

306. Uh… in the book, there.

307. So, Mary Ellen, we had just a marvelous time.

308. I cannot wait to see you at the next meeting.

309. I was gonna suggest we read.

310. The Dust Gatherers by Nobel laureate Mkozi Mputha.

311. Well, actually…

312. I'm afraid this is the very last book club meeting.

313. Scheduling nightmare, you know.

314. The last meeting?

315. No, no. We can't let this die.

316. Why, I could drive everyone. Where does everyone live?

317. I'm sorry, Peggy.

318. But I'm so glad you were able to come for the final, final, last meeting.

319. Oh. I can't believe it.

320. What am I gonna do with my weekends now?

321. Except watch sports.

322. Oh, well. Peggy?

323. Hold on, Hank.

324. I need to use their powder room.

325. Maybe it's the ten cups of coffee I drank to stay sharp for this.

326. I'll get the truck.

327. Oh. The New Yorker.

328. I guess it's my fault.

329. She gave us such a big discount, I felt I had to invite her.

330. Who knew she'd be such a windbag?

331. As Cassie said

332. while the farmhouse burned brightly behind her.

333. "I am an onion."

334. Good day to you.

335. Surely, as I am Clea

336. and the Crystal of Gilmarrion shines upon my brow

337. our forces shall rally and vanquish the Goblin horde.

338. What say ye, Hindbottom?

339. Aye, my fell axe thirsts for Goblin blood

340. to avenge my father Borak

341. my swift brother Rigmar Talon-beard.

342. - My cousin… - Dang it, Bobby.

343. No more elves at the table.

344. - Your mom isn't feeling well, and… - No, no, I'm fine.

345. All right, Dale, I am coming!

346. Great. Time for work.

347. No rest for the windbag.

348. Thank you. Please come again.

349. Oh, I got that one yesterday with my last gun.

350. Oh, my God, how many guns do you need?

351. Thank you, come again.

352. Peggy, would you wipe the fingerprints off this and wrap it, please?

353. I've come to take the local bookseller to lunch.

354. Heh… uh, Peggy?

355. Pull.

356. What the hell…

357. Peggy?

358. Dad.

359. Well, look who's here. Shopping for my birthday?

360. Get me something that shoots like this.

361. Die!

362. Excellent grouping, Colonel.

363. Plus, those hollow-points penetrated Shakespeare

364. all the way into the so-called "Joyous Comedies."

365. As You Like It?

366. Well, I like it plenty.

367. Dang it, Dale, where is my wife?

368. Mmm, probably on one of her smoking breaks.

369. I try not to keep her on too tight of a leash.

370. Peggy? What are you doing down there?

371. Nothing.

372. Seems to be my mission in life.

373. No, your mission was about books.

374. Elves and onions and such. Look at this.

375. Now, I'm not much in the Shakespeare department,

376. but I still don't think he deserves to be shot at

377. by those monkeys down there.

378. And A Taleof Two Cities? I thought that was your favorite book.

379. And so, a farewell to A Farewell to Arms.

380. Dale, your services at Peggy's World of Books

381. are terminated as of now. Get out.

382. You can't do that.

383. Oh, I can, and I will.

384. My name is the name on the lease.

385. This is Peggy's World.

386. You just rent space in it.

387. Here's the key to the Dumpster.

388. If you don't lock it, the winos sleep in it.

389. They are not winos.

390. They are my customers, loyal customers.

391. I'm looking for the lady who ran the gun store.

392. She's out of business.

393. She's been referring people to Ammo World or Crazy Jerry's.

394. I just wanted to know

395. if the first two chapters were really a dream or not.

396. Yeah, I wondered that myself.

397. Travis makes an excellent point.

398. Cassie's lighthouse can symbolize hope,

399. but who's to say it doesn't also symbolize

400. the government's intrusion into the lives of private citizens

401. as suggested by our friend here who won't give us his name.

402. Cassie's grandpa wouldn't give her an evil lighthouse.

403. Very good point, Muskrat.

404. Any responses?

405. Well, can't we at least agree

406. that Mary-Elizabeth's baby was her own lighthouse?

407. Whoever heard of an illegitimate lighthouse?

408. Got-dang it, Ox, you're confusing realism

409. with symbolism again.

410. I'm about to symbolize my gun to your head.

411. Take your apple…

412. - It's a Braeburn. - And get out.