1. Bobby Hill, what are you doing?Copy !req
2. I'm ironing underwater.Copy !req
3. Blurp, blurp, blurp.Copy !req
4. Don't test me, young man.Copy !req
5. I've failed funnier kids than you.Copy !req
6. All right, children,Copy !req
7. irons down.Copy !req
8. With the help of Ernie the janitor,Copy !req
9. I have soiled each of these
cheerleader uniforms.Copy !req
10. Your take-home exam is to identify
and remove the mystery stain.Copy !req
11. And here's one for our class clown.Copy !req
12. Oh, wait, let me give you
some extra credit.Copy !req
13. If it's Monday night, it must be
Frito pie with Wolf-brand chili.Copy !req
14. I made it just the way you like it.
Perfect.Copy !req
15. Come on, Bobby, it's Frito pie
with Wolf-brand chili night.Copy !req
16. What the…Copy !req
17. There better be a naked cheerleader
under your bed.Copy !req
18. Don't get mad, but I think
I'm gonna fail Home Ec.Copy !req
19. Well, of course, you're failing Home Ec,
you're a guy.Copy !req
20. Did you know your son is taking Home Ec?Copy !req
21. They got him playing with skirts.Copy !req
22. If Bobby learns to cook
and clean for himselfCopy !req
23. what's his motivation to ever get married?Copy !req
24. Home Ec is not going
to turn Bobby into a sissy.Copy !req
25. In prison movies, the toughest characters
always work in the kitchen.Copy !req
26. I wouldn't worry, Hank.Copy !req
27. When I was the, uhCopy !req
28. varsity football towel managerCopy !req
29. I cleaned 50 jockstraps a week.Copy !req
30. I turned out okay.Copy !req
31. Oh.Copy !req
32. Hey, man, nice shot.Copy !req
33. - Man, hey, no, nothing but ice.
- Oh, please.Copy !req
34. When I was the, uh,
varsity football towel manager.Copy !req
35. I once slang-shot a jockstrap
into a laundry hamper from 50 yards away.Copy !req
36. Betcha a million dollars,
you can't do that again.Copy !req
37. You're on.Copy !req
38. - Oh!
- Hah!Copy !req
39. You choked.Copy !req
40. You owe me a million dollars. Choker.Copy !req
41. Ugh.Copy !req
42. Choker.Copy !req
43. Dad says that men install
washing machines,Copy !req
44. they service washing machinesCopy !req
45. but they aren't supposed
to use washing machines.Copy !req
46. Oh, please.Copy !req
47. There's no rule that says only women
can do housework,Copy !req
48. and only men can have careers.Copy !req
49. I can do both.Copy !req
50. I am what the magazines call a superwoman.Copy !req
51. I like Superwoman.Copy !req
52. Oh, Bobby, thank you.Copy !req
53. Now, let's take a look at your homework.Copy !req
54. When we're done with it,Copy !req
55. this stain is gonna wish it was still
some cheerleader's lunch.Copy !req
56. First, you blind-side it with pre-soak.Copy !req
57. Then, you sucker-punch it
with some hot water.Copy !req
58. And just when it's begging for mercy,Copy !req
59. you rip off its head
and pour bleach down its neck.Copy !req
60. Finish it off, Bobby.Copy !req
61. Are you gonna let that stain
call you a sissy?Copy !req
62. No!Copy !req
63. I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet,Copy !req
64. but it feels like Christmas morning.Copy !req
65. Oh.Copy !req
66. Well, it's full of holes,Copy !req
67. but you did get the stains outCopy !req
68. mostly.Copy !req
69. Uh-oh.Copy !req
70. Bobby, these are your father's dungarees.Copy !req
71. How could you, Peggy?Copy !req
72. Now what am I gonna carve the turkey in?
My underwear?Copy !req
73. Not with an electric knife, no, sir.Copy !req
74. Even world-famous surgeons
do not get it right 100% of the time.Copy !req
75. They make mistakes, Hank.Copy !req
76. People die.Copy !req
77. We're human.Copy !req
78. Ms. Bittner, I'm not gonna lie to you.Copy !req
79. I don't think I heard one thing
you've said all year,Copy !req
80. especially whatever you said about bleach.Copy !req
81. Can you help me fix my dad's pants?Copy !req
82. He can't wear one of your clever jokes?Copy !req
83. Please, Ms. Bittner, I've never
asked for anything from you,Copy !req
84. except more sugar.Copy !req
85. Ooh, fancy.Copy !req
86. Hey, Hank, how's it going at the bank?Copy !req
87. How the hell should I know?Copy !req
88. On a related fiscal note, Bill,Copy !req
89. where's the million bucks you owe me?Copy !req
90. Oh, right, Dale, yeah.Copy !req
91. Suitable for framing.Copy !req
92. There you go, 1 million dollars.Copy !req
93. I guess I'll have to sell
my private islandCopy !req
94. in the South Pacific, huh?Copy !req
95. You never go anyway.Copy !req
96. Dad, would you like to wear jeans
to work today?Copy !req
97. You know I would.Copy !req
98. Look what I got.Copy !req
99. I got a bolt of denim from Ms. Bittner.Copy !req
100. I used your old jeans as a pattern,
and I fired up Mom's sewing machine.Copy !req
101. My sewing machine?Copy !req
102. No, it can't make seams this straight.Copy !req
103. Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt
to try them on.Copy !req
104. Well, all right, Bobby. They're perfect.Copy !req
105. I mean, they're a little stiffCopy !req
106. but after I break 'em in
for a couple years,Copy !req
107. they'll be perfect.Copy !req
108. Hang on, I picked up
a little trick in Home Ec.Copy !req
109. I hope you don't mind.Copy !req
110. I borrowed your power sander.Copy !req
111. Peggy, he's right.Copy !req
112. I can feel the denim loosening up.Copy !req
113. I'm glad you ruined my jeans.Copy !req
114. Bobby's made them even better.Copy !req
115. Bobby, eight hours and no chafing.Copy !req
116. I know what I'm leading off with
in my Thanksgiving prayer.Copy !req
117. Three, two, one, mark.Copy !req
118. Buns in the oven.Copy !req
119. Oh, then you're not
just sewing in Home Ec,Copy !req
120. they've got you cooking too, huh?Copy !req
121. I hope you don't mind,
but I opened a bottle of your wedding wineCopy !req
122. to marinate my pot roast.Copy !req
123. Well, just make sure
when you're done playing,Copy !req
124. your mother has her kitchen back.Copy !req
125. It's Tuesday night pork chops, you know.Copy !req
126. Yes, Bobby, I can handle the heat,
so get out of my kitchen,Copy !req
127. because with pork,
the slightest mistake could kill us all.Copy !req
128. I'd like to cash this for cash.Copy !req
129. A thousand thousands will be fine.Copy !req
130. Most of the million-dollar checks we see
are jokes.Copy !req
131. Your job sounds fun.Copy !req
132. I'm sorry, Mr. Dauterive only has $418.75.Copy !req
133. Okay, then give me 400 Sacagawea coins,
18 Susan B. Anthonys,Copy !req
134. two North Carolina quarters and a Utah.Copy !req
135. Yep.Copy !req
136. - Tastes like Tuesday.
- Thank you, Hank.Copy !req
137. - Say, that smells pretty good.
- Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
138. Could you sign this form
saying I cooked it myself,Copy !req
139. and that it tasted okay?Copy !req
140. Yeah, I'll help you with your homework.Copy !req
141. Hank, you will spoil your appetite.Copy !req
142. Mm, no, no, it's okay.Copy !req
143. Let's eat Bobby's pot roast now,
while it's still juicy.Copy !req
144. Your pork chops will be
just as good tomorrow.Copy !req
145. No, no, no.Copy !req
146. Wednesday is spa-Peggy and meatballs day.Copy !req
147. You can't have pork chops on Wednesday.Copy !req
148. That would throw off the whole rotation.Copy !req
149. Wednesday.Copy !req
150. You would not have believed it, Nancy.Copy !req
151. He ate that pot roast like…
like it was my pork chopsCopy !req
152. and my pork chops
were sitting right there.Copy !req
153. What you need, shug,
is an unfair advantage.Copy !req
154. It's the library's,
so try not to get anything on it.Copy !req
155. A homemaking magazine?Copy !req
156. Oh, no, no, thank you,
I have never needed to…Copy !req
157. Well, that is the most beautiful
Thanksgiving centerpiece I have ever seen.Copy !req
158. Hey, Peggy.Copy !req
159. Uh, why's the table covered
with yard waste?Copy !req
160. Hank, it is not yard waste.Copy !req
161. Or it will not be
when I get through with it.Copy !req
162. It will be our new stunning
Thanksgiving centerpieceCopy !req
163. made entirely of yard waste.Copy !req
164. Ew, don't touch it, Bobby.Copy !req
165. Those nests could be full
of fleas and ticks.Copy !req
166. Not if you take the birds out.Copy !req
167. They'll build another nest.Copy !req
168. They're not just gonna let
their eggs sit there on the sidewalk.Copy !req
169. Hmm. Mm.Copy !req
170. Okay, Ernst is done
removing the parasites,Copy !req
171. but he cannot comb out
the dark sadness that entangles you.Copy !req
172. What's up with that?Copy !req
173. Ernst, imagineCopy !req
174. if the man you loved found someone elseCopy !req
175. to cook for him, and clean for him,
and make his pants.Copy !req
176. Who is this other woman?Copy !req
177. The other woman is my son.Copy !req
178. Yeah, he may be getting an A in Home Ec,Copy !req
179. but at what cost, huh?Copy !req
180. At what cost to me?Copy !req
181. Cooking and cleaning and sewing…Copy !req
182. I did not hear you mention the boudoir.Copy !req
183. I can think of many things
to be done there for Hank.Copy !req
184. Well, I am an excellent lover.Copy !req
185. And Ernst is an excellent hairstylist.Copy !req
186. Together, let us take your husband places
from our wildest dreams.Copy !req
187. Sorry, sir, but you have
more food than money.Copy !req
188. Okay, I don't need cling wrap.Copy !req
189. This is my whole Thanksgiving dinner,Copy !req
190. and who am I kidding,
there aren't gonna be any leftovers.Copy !req
191. Um, you're still over.Copy !req
192. Oh.Copy !req
193. But, but… you can't take my turkey.Copy !req
194. Still over.Copy !req
195. This circular saw cozy fits great, son,
but can we call it something else?Copy !req
196. Hey, how about a circular saw buddy?Copy !req
197. You name it and I'll knit it.Copy !req
198. Hey, Peggy.Copy !req
199. Bobby made me a circular saw buddy.Copy !req
200. Whoa, your hair looks great.Copy !req
201. It's so big.Copy !req
202. Well, I hope it's not too tall
to get through the bedroom door, Hank.Copy !req
203. Well, the doorway's got
a seven-foot clearance.Copy !req
204. Dinner.Copy !req
205. Dinner?Copy !req
206. When it got to be 5:00,
and you weren't home,Copy !req
207. I asked Bobby to whip something up.Copy !req
208. Well, that's a good idea.Copy !req
209. The sooner we eat,Copy !req
210. the sooner we can get to… dessert.Copy !req
211. I think Bobby made pie.Copy !req
212. Ugh. I probably should've stopped
at seconds.Copy !req
213. I'm not usually a big fan of cheese,Copy !req
214. but, boy, the things Bobby does with it…Copy !req
215. I have an idea how we can burn off
some calories, Hank.Copy !req
216. What's wrong?Copy !req
217. Is Bobby's cooking coming up on you?Copy !req
218. Ugh, I think it's all that
beauty stuff in your hair.Copy !req
219. It kind of has that new car smell.Copy !req
220. Boy, that cheese. Mm.Copy !req
221. Hank, what is going on?Copy !req
222. The fumes coming off your hair
keep waking me up.Copy !req
223. You don't smell like a new car.Copy !req
224. I just said that to make you feel better.Copy !req
225. Bobby, put away your robot and go to bed.Copy !req
226. I need the couch.Copy !req
227. Your father's feeling ill.Copy !req
228. I think it was something he ate.Copy !req
229. Why don't you just take my bed?Copy !req
230. I've got a lot of work to do out here.Copy !req
231. Ugh. Was this ever an outdoor couch?Copy !req
232. Okay, fine, I will sleep in your bed
right under your booger wall.Copy !req
233. I thought I heard an upholstery shampooer.Copy !req
234. Maybe you could use that thingCopy !req
235. to get the smell out of your mother's
side of the bed.Copy !req
236. Have you seen her?Copy !req
237. She was looking for a place to sleep,Copy !req
238. so I let her have my bed.Copy !req
239. Oh, where are you gonna sleep?Copy !req
240. I'll just crash on the couch.Copy !req
241. It's still a little wet,Copy !req
242. but it gives me an excuse
to sleep in my poncho.Copy !req
243. No, no, your mother's bed is empty.Copy !req
244. Why don't you just bunk with me
in the big bedroom?Copy !req
245. I'll make caramel popcorn.Copy !req
246. I'll turn on the TV.Copy !req
247. It's such a clear night,Copy !req
248. we might be able to pick up the news
from San Antonio.Copy !req
249. Their sports guy played
for the Oilers for a year.Copy !req
250. All right.Copy !req
251. I didn't know your bed
was made of two little beds.Copy !req
252. Well, your mother likes her mattress firm
and I like mine extra firm.Copy !req
253. So, I guess it's true, opposites attract.Copy !req
254. Check it out. The weather girl
is looking at the wrong camera.Copy !req
255. San Antonio.Copy !req
256. And it's gonna rain tomorrow.Copy !req
257. Why would anyone live there?Copy !req
258. You know who'd get a kick out of this?Copy !req
259. - Ladybird.
- Come here, girl.Copy !req
260. That Miss Piggy balloon
has the same hairdo as your mother.Copy !req
261. Hey, Peggy.Copy !req
262. Well, maybe for you it is.Copy !req
263. Oh, I was expecting you to say,
"Good morning."Copy !req
264. So.Copy !req
265. Did you sleep well?Copy !req
266. Not really.Copy !req
267. Bobby and I were up all night talking.Copy !req
268. Really, really talking.Copy !req
269. So, that's where it went. Perfect.Copy !req
270. Hank, come in here, quick.Copy !req
271. Look what I found in Bobby's bed.Copy !req
272. Mm-hmm, it's a ladies' magazine,Copy !req
273. and that is not my opinion.Copy !req
274. It says so right in the title.Copy !req
275. You were right about Home Ec, Hank.
It's ruining Bobby.Copy !req
276. Every perfume ad has been
scratched and sniffed,Copy !req
277. and his horoscope says
that this is a good week for himCopy !req
278. to meet the man of his dreams.Copy !req
279. If you ask me, Hank, that boy ain't right.Copy !req
280. Bobby, get in here. Now.Copy !req
281. What's up, Dad?Copy !req
282. Son, do you think you could make
this buttermilk-basted turkey?Copy !req
283. Well, that recipe takes 24 hours.Copy !req
284. Good thing I started on it last night.Copy !req
285. I just thought you were getting up
to use the bathroom a lot.Copy !req
286. You know what?
Let's have Bobby handle the whole meal.Copy !req
287. What? But, but every year, I…Copy !req
288. This year the only thing
you have to do is get hungry.Copy !req
289. Just kick back on the couch
now that it's fit to sit on.Copy !req
290. Oh, DadCopy !req
291. where's the turkey platter?Copy !req
292. I want to start on the radish roses.Copy !req
293. It's in the garage, in a box marked
"winter holiday poultry serving dishes."Copy !req
294. Here, I'll help you find it.Copy !req
295. Mom, you mind popping my bird in?Copy !req
296. Don't worry, the racks are set
and the oven's already preheated.Copy !req
297. It's idiot-proof.Copy !req
298. They do not deserve us.Copy !req
299. Oh… boxed in.Copy !req
300. Did I fix my roof in the last few days?Copy !req
301. Well, it still looks pretty bad,
so maybe. Why?Copy !req
302. I can't buy any Thanksgiving food
because my bank account is empty and,Copy !req
303. and I can't remember what I spent it on.Copy !req
304. It's empty because I cashed
your check, Bill,Copy !req
305. which did not clear
for the full million dollars.Copy !req
306. But that check was a joke.Copy !req
307. Just like the bet, it was a joke,
I laughed.Copy !req
308. We had a legitimate oral contract,Copy !req
309. entered into fully and freely,
when I said, "Betcha,"Copy !req
310. and you said, and I quote, "You're on."Copy !req
311. Dale, stop talking like a lawyer
and give Bill his money back.Copy !req
312. What's the point?Copy !req
313. Bill would probably just go and spend it
on something stupid, like himself.Copy !req
314. Oh! Oh! Ooh.Copy !req
315. Oh.Copy !req
316. Peggy?Copy !req
317. Oh! I see my haircut was a success.Copy !req
318. Your Hank, he ravaged you last night, yes?Copy !req
319. Tell me, what did you do to him?Copy !req
320. I stole his turkey is what I did.Copy !req
321. I would rather share it
with a man who needs me,Copy !req
322. a man who is also alone on ThanksgivingCopy !req
323. because of the stigma society attaches
to his unconventional sexual appetites.Copy !req
324. Get in here, you drama queen.Copy !req
325. Tell me, tell me, who is this mystery man?Copy !req
326. Who the hell is she?Copy !req
327. Peggy Hill, this is my wife, Claudia,Copy !req
328. and my little angel, Brett.Copy !req
329. You have a family that loves you?Copy !req
330. Hank Hill. Happy Thanksgiving.Copy !req
331. Hank, this is Ernst.Copy !req
332. I hope you're sitting down
for the bombshell I am about to drop.Copy !req
333. Last chance to sit.Copy !req
334. Is this about the smell in Peggy's hair?Copy !req
335. This is not about some smell
that you are imagining.Copy !req
336. Peggy is here with your turkey.Copy !req
337. They are both bruised and broken.Copy !req
338. Son of a gun.Copy !req
339. Your mother took the turkey
and ran off to her hairdresser's.Copy !req
340. You have made her feel useless
in her own house.Copy !req
341. Now, she is at my house,Copy !req
342. laying face down in a puddle
of her own self-esteem.Copy !req
343. Pull her out before she drowns.Copy !req
344. - Now, Hank, now…
- I breast-fed my Bobby.Copy !req
345. Big mistake.Copy !req
346. Bobby…Copy !req
347. I need you to do two things
I pray you'll never have to do again.Copy !req
348. Tape the Cowboys' game
and give me an apron.Copy !req
349. Goodbye, honey. Good luck.Copy !req
350. Hello, Peggy.Copy !req
351. I'm sorry I'm so underdressed, Hank.Copy !req
352. I see you and Bobby decided to go formal.Copy !req
353. No, I sent Bobby to the neighbors,Copy !req
354. but first, we whipped up
some of our favorite dishes.Copy !req
355. Happy Thanksgiving.Copy !req
356. Fried pork chops?Copy !req
357. Frito pie with Wolf-brand chili?Copy !req
358. Spa-Peggy with meatballs?Copy !req
359. And a half a bottle of our wedding wine.Copy !req
360. You don't even need me to make spa-Peggy?Copy !req
361. Nope, I guess not,Copy !req
362. but that's okay.Copy !req
363. I didn't marry you because I need someone
to cook and clean for me.Copy !req
364. I married you becauseCopy !req
365. you knowCopy !req
366. you know…Copy !req
367. The love.Copy !req
368. Oh, Hank.Copy !req
369. Mm. Your hair smells much better now.Copy !req
370. Like stuffing.Copy !req
371. Bobby, this is the best
Thanksgiving dinner I ever had.Copy !req
372. Ooh-hoo-ooh, let's, let's do the wishbone.Copy !req
373. This is for a million dollars.Copy !req
374. Okay.Copy !req
375. I won! I won!Copy !req
376. You owe me a million dollars.Copy !req
377. Correction.Copy !req
378. You owe me a million dollars.Copy !req
379. I'm so sorry, Bobby, he made me do it.Copy !req
380. It was all a setup.Copy !req
381. Boy, that cheese. Mm.Copy !req