1. D Yahoo! d.Copy !req
2. Budding ThespiansCopy !req
3. of TLMS, I give youCopy !req
4. the cast list of Oklahoma!Copy !req
5. I'm in a dance number.Copy !req
6. It will be an honor to work with you.Copy !req
7. I think you'll find my portrayal of CurlyCopy !req
8. to be both sensitive and gruff.Copy !req
9. Now, where are you, Curly?Copy !req
10. Ah! Hello there.Copy !req
11. Ken Hayashi?Copy !req
12. Sorry, Bobby.Copy !req
13. Kenny just has a certain
"rootin'-tootin'" quality about him.Copy !req
14. His brother had it, too.Copy !req
15. Yee-haw!Copy !req
16. Wonderful!Copy !req
17. Let's get a move on!Copy !req
18. I wanna get to the flea marketCopy !req
19. while the tube sock guy is still there.Copy !req
20. Oh, Hank, just cut the pom-poms offCopy !req
21. and wear a pair of mine.Copy !req
22. Our boy is just sulking in bedCopy !req
23. in his pajamas and a cowboy hat.Copy !req
24. You know, if you ask me, there might beCopy !req
25. a silver lining to him
not being a dancing cowboy.Copy !req
26. Hank, we both know he is not like you,Copy !req
27. but you are still his father,Copy !req
28. so go in there and sympathize with him.Copy !req
29. It's justCopy !req
30. the tube sock guy always brings
that old German Shepard,Copy !req
31. and if it gets too hot,Copy !req
32. I know he's gonna have to take him home.Copy !req
33. I just can't believe it.Copy !req
34. I thought it was meant to be.Copy !req
35. Ah, yeah, I know.Copy !req
36. I know. It's terrible.Copy !req
37. It's just terrible.Copy !req
38. Terrible.Copy !req
39. It's a beautiful day out there.Copy !req
40. Why don't you get dressed, uh,
throw out that hat,Copy !req
41. and go hang out with your friends?Copy !req
42. I can't.Copy !req
43. Joseph's at football practice,Copy !req
44. and Connie's at one of her recitals.Copy !req
45. They've both got things they're good at.Copy !req
46. I always thought performing was my thing.Copy !req
47. You've seen me fall down.Copy !req
48. I can cry on demand.Copy !req
49. Why?Copy !req
50. See?Copy !req
51. Uh… well, we just need
to find you a new thing.Copy !req
52. A cool new thing,Copy !req
53. and I know just the place to find it.Copy !req
54. Ah, the flea market.Copy !req
55. It's like America's garage.Copy !req
56. You know, somewhere in all this old stuff
is the new you, son.Copy !req
57. Hey, a lawnmower engine.Copy !req
58. Get a truck dolly
and an old steering wheel,Copy !req
59. and you could be "The Go-Cart Guy."Copy !req
60. Ah, come on, it's not that hot.Copy !req
61. Here.Copy !req
62. Why don't you take a lap?Copy !req
63. See what you come up with.Copy !req
64. Hey, what are those?Copy !req
65. Oh, those are Tarot Cards.Copy !req
66. People use them to tell the future.Copy !req
67. They're like baseball cards
for Hobbits!Copy !req
68. I'll take 'em!Copy !req
69. Hey, Bobby, ready to roll?Copy !req
70. Oh, so you found something.Copy !req
71. Yeah. I bought these really cool cards.Copy !req
72. Well, all right, Bobby!Copy !req
73. Everybody respects a guy
who's good at cards.Copy !req
74. - Really?
- Well, sure.Copy !req
75. That's why they always get nicknames
like "Amarillo Slim"Copy !req
76. or "The Cincinnati Kid."Copy !req
77. I know, I'll call you "Ace!"Copy !req
78. Now focus all your energy
on this card,Copy !req
79. and it will foretell your future.Copy !req
80. The Ten of Swords.Copy !req
81. It means advantage, profit, success.Copy !req
82. Well, hey, that's great.Copy !req
83. Things have been going pretty well for me,Copy !req
84. you know, with my girlfriend, Laoma,Copy !req
85. - and…
- Oh.Copy !req
86. Wait, it's upside down.Copy !req
87. That means something.Copy !req
88. Pain, affliction,Copy !req
89. tears, sadness, desolation.Copy !req
90. Oh, for the love of Mordecai.Copy !req
91. Oh, I see you're into Tarot.Copy !req
92. How long have you divined the cards?Copy !req
93. Couple of days.Copy !req
94. It's kind of my thing.Copy !req
95. The only thing you can predict with these
is a coincidence.Copy !req
96. No. If you want any accuracy at all,Copy !req
97. you need a Mantegna deck
or at least a Fibbia.Copy !req
98. Huh? Sounds like you really know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
99. Yeah. "Sounds like."Copy !req
100. As a 14th-level sorcerer,
I'd be a joke if I didn't.Copy !req
101. Of course, forecasting the future
is just the beginning.Copy !req
102. The real power of magick,Copy !req
103. and that's magick with a "ck"Copy !req
104. comes in manipulating the present.Copy !req
105. Ward!Copy !req
106. I told you to clean
that bathroom a half hour ago.Copy !req
107. I'm right on it, chief!Copy !req
108. Hey, I wanna learn more about this stuff.Copy !req
109. Listen, young friend,Copy !req
110. do not let anyone see this address.Copy !req
111. Arrive exactly at the stroke of four.Copy !req
112. - Ward!
- And bring some potato chips.Copy !req
113. Today, Merlin!Copy !req
114. Oh, wise and mighty Herodia,
do, please do smite him.Copy !req
115. Damn it, Dale, you got to stop paintingCopy !req
116. your house number on my curb.Copy !req
117. Sorry, Hank,
but I got to lay low for a while.Copy !req
118. You have no idea how far
the jackals at the Franklin MintCopy !req
119. will go to collect a debt.Copy !req
120. Is it okay
if I'm a little late for dinner?Copy !req
121. My friend Ward invited me to a gathering.Copy !req
122. Gee, Bobby,Copy !req
123. you put me in an awkward position.Copy !req
124. You really should be asking your father.Copy !req
125. Well, who's this Ward fella?Copy !req
126. I met him at the video store.Copy !req
127. He saw my card pouch,
and we got to talking.Copy !req
128. So I'm gonna hang out with him
and his friends tonight.Copy !req
129. I'm bringing the chips.Copy !req
130. Well, see, Bobby,
I knew you'd find your "thing."Copy !req
131. And doesn't that sound like more funCopy !req
132. than being in a musical about Oklahoma?Copy !req
133. Welcome to the Coven of Artemis!Copy !req
134. Wow! Cool lair.Copy !req
135. I suppose introductions are in order.Copy !req
136. Bobby, meet Vaughn,Copy !req
137. N'oram Woodbender,Copy !req
138. Pan the Soothsayer,Copy !req
139. and, of course, the Master of Disaster…Copy !req
140. Mitchell Jefferson.Copy !req
141. You can't just bring outsiders
to our meetings!Copy !req
142. It's okay, Mitchell.Copy !req
143. He's cool.Copy !req
144. You're supposed to…Copy !req
145. I said, he's cool!Copy !req
146. Welcome.Copy !req
147. Bobby, be forewarned.Copy !req
148. Because of the powers of the Coven,
people fear us.Copy !req
149. When we walk down the streets,
mothers steer their babies away.Copy !req
150. Shopkeepers close their stores.Copy !req
151. Holy…Copy !req
152. This looks like something
out of Harry Potter.Copy !req
153. Dude, I just vouched for you.Copy !req
154. Uh… if Harry Potter went to… hell.Copy !req
155. Mm-hm.Copy !req
156. This, Bobby, is nutmeg,
and we use this spice for…Copy !req
157. Um, oh, I remember.Copy !req
158. Give me a secondCopy !req
159. invincibility.Copy !req
160. Resplendent!Copy !req
161. The spices sit easily upon you.Copy !req
162. Oh…Copy !req
163. I see you boys are making a cake.Copy !req
164. A cake?Copy !req
165. Yeah.Copy !req
166. A cake of tremendous power!Copy !req
167. Score one for the acolyte.Copy !req
168. Fumble, Joseph Gribble.Copy !req
169. As much as
I hate seeing my boy play badly,Copy !req
170. I do enjoy hearing his name
over the loudspeaker.Copy !req
171. Sorry, but I got to blow off
the last quarter.Copy !req
172. I told the guys I'd meet them
in the parking lot.Copy !req
173. Know when to hold 'em, Ace.Copy !req
174. Go get 'em, Shuffles!Copy !req
175. Uh-oh. Ace is gonna need this.Copy !req
176. Hey, any of you kids seen Bobby Hill?Copy !req
177. Blonde hair, card player?Copy !req
178. Mm-mm.Copy !req
179. That's okay, he must be
tailgating over there.Copy !req
180. Forces of fire,Copy !req
181. beings of the south,Copy !req
182. we command you to rise
and lend us your power!Copy !req
183. Interloper!Copy !req
184. What the hell are you people doing?Copy !req
185. Hey, Dad!Copy !req
186. Bobby?Copy !req
187. Meet the guys.Copy !req
188. Or as we like to call ourselves…Copy !req
189. The Coven of Artemis.Copy !req
190. Baaah!Copy !req
191. Here I am thinking you're playing
a nice, honest game of poker,Copy !req
192. and instead, you're summoning
the Prince of Dragons?Copy !req
193. Check out the dork!Copy !req
194. Jedi Knight at ten o'clock.Copy !req
195. Hey, what's with Yoda?Copy !req
196. You can't play poker
with these cards, Dad.Copy !req
197. That's a good way to bring downCopy !req
198. the wrath of Lud.Copy !req
199. It's all here in the book I bought.Copy !req
200. Forty-five dollars?Copy !req
201. The family Bible costs less than that,Copy !req
202. and it was written by Jesus.Copy !req
203. Yeah, but this book tells you
how to summon wood nymphsCopy !req
204. and water sprites.Copy !req
205. All right, look, I know you're at an ageCopy !req
206. where you think all this stuff
is interesting,Copy !req
207. but believe me it really isn't.Copy !req
208. But you told me to find a new thing.Copy !req
209. And then when I do,Copy !req
210. you just wanna take it away from me.Copy !req
211. They're my circle of power.Copy !req
212. Believe me, Bobby,Copy !req
213. I'm doing it for your own good.Copy !req
214. Now we're not gonna tell
your mother about this.Copy !req
215. I know she shields me
from a lot of the things you do,Copy !req
216. and, well, I'm gonna return the favor
on this one.Copy !req
217. Harness the energy of the crystal.Copy !req
218. Mmm… Mmm…Copy !req
219. Mmm…Copy !req
220. Well done, N'oram!Copy !req
221. Your powers are growing stronger.Copy !req
222. Hey, guys.Copy !req
223. Ah, young apprentice.Copy !req
224. Something is on your mind.Copy !req
225. I can sense it.Copy !req
226. My dad says I can't hang out
with you guys anymore.Copy !req
227. I guess he thinks magick is dumb.Copy !req
228. Magick is "dumb"?Copy !req
229. Does this look dumb?Copy !req
230. Fzah!Copy !req
231. Don't make me come over there!Copy !req
232. N'oram, are you trying
to get us kicked out of here?Copy !req
233. Sorry.Copy !req
234. Bobby, the problem with your father isCopy !req
235. he's "ungifted."Copy !req
236. Our kind have always been persecutedCopy !req
237. by those who understand not.Copy !req
238. From the Salem trials of the 1600sCopy !req
239. to the locker room beatings
and bathroom swirlies of today.Copy !req
240. 'Tis all one.Copy !req
241. So that's why my dad
is so weird about this.Copy !req
242. He's threatened by my powers.Copy !req
243. Bobby,Copy !req
244. the mark of Merlin is upon you.Copy !req
245. When you have completed your training,Copy !req
246. you will be a White Wizard!Copy !req
247. Really? Wow! What do I have to do?Copy !req
248. When can I start?Copy !req
249. Hmm, your training begins now.Copy !req
250. You can start by refilling my root beer.Copy !req
251. It was wise that you came to meCopy !req
252. but be forewarned
that I am merely the vesselCopy !req
253. through which the powers flow.Copy !req
254. Are you gonna help us
get our kickball off the roof?Copy !req
255. Silence!Copy !req
256. By the breath of Heckatees,Copy !req
257. I summon the winds of the north to blow!Copy !req
258. Blow, I say!Copy !req
259. Bobby, a word, please.Copy !req
260. Resplendent!Copy !req
261. Before we get started,Copy !req
262. I'd like to know
the proper term for your religion.Copy !req
263. You know, what's the politically
correct term for "witch"?Copy !req
264. Hank, what is going on here?Copy !req
265. Uh, nothing.Copy !req
266. Bobby just got a little carried away
with this new club,Copy !req
267. but there's nothing to worry about.
He's quitting.Copy !req
268. I think everyone's just a little uptight.Copy !req
269. Why don't I summon up
a tranquility spiritCopy !req
270. so we can all rest easy?Copy !req
271. Oh, powers of ancient Boolardune…Copy !req
272. I can't have him praying in my office.Copy !req
273. School board's very clear on that.Copy !req
274. He's not praying.Copy !req
275. And he's stopping right now.Copy !req
276. Hank, I may be a mother,
but I am still a woman,Copy !req
277. and I know a girl repellent when I see it.Copy !req
278. I want grandchildren! Will you fix this?Copy !req
279. - Uh, Mr. Rackley?
- Yes.Copy !req
280. Yeah, I'd like to have a word with you
about your son, Ward.Copy !req
281. You see, he and my boy, Bobby,
are playmates…Copy !req
282. Excuse me. But I'm Ward Rackley.Copy !req
283. You're Ward Rackley?Copy !req
284. It's one of my many monikers, yes.Copy !req
285. I'm also known
as Madelgar of the North Woods,Copy !req
286. and in certain company,Copy !req
287. Austin Osman Starklarvatard.Copy !req
288. How old are you? Thirty? Forty?Copy !req
289. Ha! Not even close.Copy !req
290. I am 5,000.Copy !req
291. Don't you have some friends your own age?Copy !req
292. Someone to drink with, maybe a girlfriend?Copy !req
293. And waste my seed on a common harlot?Copy !req
294. Not likely.Copy !req
295. When the time is right,
a maiden will be delivered up to me.Copy !req
296. Probably from the east.Copy !req
297. Some of this isn't your fault.Copy !req
298. I mean, a man can only
take so many wedgiesCopy !req
299. before he goes to pieces.Copy !req
300. Good luck to you, buddy.Copy !req
301. And stay away from my son,
or I'll kick your ass.Copy !req
302. You don't understand who you threaten.Copy !req
303. I have powers.Copy !req
304. Terrible powers!Copy !req
305. Ma!Copy !req
306. Okay, we tried it your way,
now you're doing it my way.Copy !req
307. This is a carburetor.Copy !req
308. Take it apart, put it back together.Copy !req
309. Repeat until you're normal.Copy !req
310. But, Dad, the Dark Arts
are nothing to be afraid of.Copy !req
311. I'm not afraid of that garbage.Copy !req
312. I'm afraid of youCopy !req
313. getting your ass kicked every day
for the rest of your lifeCopy !req
314. because you found a new way
to act like a nerd.Copy !req
315. Ward said you wouldn't understand.Copy !req
316. Bobby, you don't need a crystal ballCopy !req
317. to see Ward's future.Copy !req
318. He's gonna live with his mother
until she dies,Copy !req
319. and maybe for a few weeks after.Copy !req
320. Now, until you stopCopy !req
321. with all this nonsense,Copy !req
322. I want you to take your carburetor
and go to your room.Copy !req
323. I know my dadCopy !req
324. must've come off as some kind of nutjob,Copy !req
325. but you've got to believe,Copy !req
326. I'm completely committed
to our power circle.Copy !req
327. Are you? I wonder.Copy !req
328. I'd think you'd be able
to control your fatherCopy !req
329. as effectively as I control Mother.Copy !req
330. Nevertheless, Bobby's daddy has shown usCopy !req
331. that persecution of our kind
is on the rise.Copy !req
332. Perhaps it's time to take
our powers to the next level.Copy !req
333. - Yes! Thank you!
- Approved!Copy !req
334. Tonight we are going to kick it up a notchCopy !req
335. and summon a dread force
that will bestow upon usCopy !req
336. unequaled power!Copy !req
337. And, of course, we'll need someone
to be the chalice holder.Copy !req
338. I'll do it.Copy !req
339. Excellent, my young apprentice.Copy !req
340. You'll earn that White Wizard cone yet.Copy !req
341. We will convene at the ceremony grounds
at half past the eighth hour.Copy !req
342. Assuming that fat ass
let's me leave on time.Copy !req
343. Cool. So, uh, what does
the chalice holder do, anyway?Copy !req
344. You hold the chalice
during the incantation.Copy !req
345. Then, right after we light the candles,Copy !req
346. you drink caninus spiritus.Copy !req
347. - What's caninus spiritus?
- Dog blood.Copy !req
348. What?Copy !req
349. You are the chosen one, Bobby.Copy !req
350. Soon, and for all time,Copy !req
351. you will be known
throughout the land as…Copy !req
352. Robert the Dog-Quaffer.Copy !req
353. Wonderful! Wonderful!Copy !req
354. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
355. Have you, uh, checked out
John Redcorn's New Age Healing Center?Copy !req
356. You really should.Copy !req
357. On Friday nights,Copy !req
358. John Redcorn and his band,
Big Mountain Fudge Cake, will be playing.Copy !req
359. I'm John Redcorn.Copy !req
360. I told you, no more fliers.Copy !req
361. Hey, Bobby, you like to rock.Copy !req
362. Huh?Copy !req
363. I'm just reading up on ancient ceremoniesCopy !req
364. where people had to drink animal blood.Copy !req
365. Aah, there's got to be
a loophole somewhere.Copy !req
366. You're losing me.Copy !req
367. You can't tell anyone this.Copy !req
368. Promise me?Copy !req
369. Bobby, I give you my oath
as a New Age healer.Copy !req
370. Okay. This group of guys I hang with,Copy !req
371. we're doing a ceremony tonight,Copy !req
372. and they want me to drink the dog blood.Copy !req
373. Dog… Ew!Copy !req
374. That's just weird.Copy !req
375. I have to do it.Copy !req
376. I can't do theater.Copy !req
377. I can't do sports.Copy !req
378. If I can't drink something gross,Copy !req
379. what have I got?Copy !req
380. I had a breakthrough last night
with my fruit rehydrator.Copy !req
381. Can you believe a mere 12 hours ago,Copy !req
382. these plump, luscious grapes were raisins?Copy !req
383. Hank, there's something
that I think you should know.Copy !req
384. Something very personal and disturbing.Copy !req
385. Sounds like we should leave.Copy !req
386. What is it, John Redcorn?Copy !req
387. Bobby's going to drink dog blood.Copy !req
388. What?Copy !req
389. It's part of some ceremony
his friends have cooked up,Copy !req
390. and it's going down tonight.Copy !req
391. No gotdang way.Copy !req
392. I'm not gonna let Bobby be branded a freakCopy !req
393. for the rest of his life.Copy !req
394. Before we get started,Copy !req
395. a debt of gratitude is owed
to Brother VaughnCopy !req
396. for procuring the offering.Copy !req
397. My mom's new boyfriend's a veterinarian.Copy !req
398. He lets me call him Rick.Copy !req
399. Resplendent!Copy !req
400. Now, everyone, if you would all be so goodCopy !req
401. as to take your positions
on the pentagram.Copy !req
402. Uh, Ward,Copy !req
403. a pentagram has five points,
but there's only four bases.Copy !req
404. Why do you always test me, Mitchell?Copy !req
405. Just go stand at shortstop.Copy !req
406. We don't have your cat.Copy !req
407. I'm looking for my son, Bobby.Copy !req
408. Is Ward there?Copy !req
409. Well, his bicycle isn't here,
so he must be gone.Copy !req
410. Wanna come in?Copy !req
411. Oh…Copy !req
412. Whoops.Copy !req
413. All right, everybody, party's over.Copy !req
414. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
415. I'm looking for a bunch of warlocks.Copy !req
416. Warlocks?Copy !req
417. You know, nerds in capes and stuff.Copy !req
418. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
419. We kicked them out about an hour ago.Copy !req
420. A tall guy, a "geek-tard."Copy !req
421. I cast a spell on his ass with my foot.Copy !req
422. And now, in the melding
of our joint worlds,Copy !req
423. our White Wizard will ingest the elixirCopy !req
424. caninus spiritus.Copy !req
425. White Wizard.Copy !req
426. White Wizard, White Wizard.Copy !req
427. Bobby, now.Copy !req
428. Do it now.Copy !req
429. Uh…Copy !req
430. I don't know if I'm ready for this.Copy !req
431. Every gifted one passes
through the bog of doubt.Copy !req
432. Now, do it!Copy !req
433. I can't.Copy !req
434. You have to.Copy !req
435. Do it now, before the moon wanes.Copy !req
436. Yeah, ye… yes, right!Copy !req
437. Before the moon wanes.Copy !req
438. I'm sorry. I, I just can't do it.Copy !req
439. It's gross.Copy !req
440. Then we will have to destroy you.Copy !req
441. Menta, besa, lorta, orga.Copy !req
442. - Menta, besa, lorta.
- Destroyus Bobbyus HillusCopy !req
443. nowus! Destroyus.Copy !req
444. Bobbyus Hillus.Copy !req
445. Bobbyus Hillus nowus…Copy !req
446. Oh, my God!Copy !req
447. My dad was right about you guys.Copy !req
448. Under these cool robes and hats,Copy !req
449. you're all just a bunch of losers.Copy !req
450. Silence, insolent one!Copy !req
451. Accept your fate.Copy !req
452. Fzah!Copy !req
453. Oh! Oh! Aaah!Copy !req
454. You guys are so nerdy,Copy !req
455. even I feel like giving you a wedgie.Copy !req
456. I was wrong about him.Copy !req
457. He is ungifted and deserves nothing
but our censure.Copy !req
458. Thanks for the robe, fellas.Copy !req
459. Oh, there's some dragon feathers
in the pocket.Copy !req
460. Help yourself.Copy !req
461. Well, I guess I was able
to make him disappear.Copy !req
462. Mitchell, how would you like
to be the chalice holder?Copy !req
463. No?Copy !req
464. Anybody?Copy !req
465. Well, no reason to waste
to perfectly good caninus spiritus.Copy !req
466. Let's find an overpass.Copy !req
467. Bobby!Copy !req
468. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
469. Are you okay?Copy !req
470. You, uh, you didn't drink
the dog blood, did you?Copy !req
471. Me? Drink dog blood?Copy !req
472. That's not my thing.Copy !req
473. Well, good for you.Copy !req
474. I mean, to tell you the truth,Copy !req
475. those guys are a little pathetic.Copy !req
476. Can you believe Ward was wearing socks
with his sandals?Copy !req
477. Unbelievable.Copy !req
478. I guess I still need to find
exactly what my thing is.Copy !req
479. Well, that's okay, son.Copy !req
480. You've still got time.Copy !req
481. I didn't really find football
till high school.Copy !req
482. And I was in my twenties
when I found propane.Copy !req
483. What's wrong with wearing socks
with sandals?Copy !req
484. D Yahoo! d.Copy !req
485. Resplendent!Copy !req