1. Uh, you think I'd meet more womenCopy !req
2. if I changed my name to Tango?Copy !req
3. Don't change your name again, Bill.Copy !req
4. Kohng Koy Kahn!Copy !req
5. Mama!Copy !req
6. Huh, Kahn has a mother?Copy !req
7. Somehow I always pictured a pod situation.Copy !req
8. Minh, you are very luckyCopy !req
9. to have a man like Kahn to care for you.Copy !req
10. You must be sure always
to show your appreciation.Copy !req
11. Oh, what helpful suggestion.Copy !req
12. I do that right away.Copy !req
13. Minh, your stew looks nice,Copy !req
14. but I would add
just a bit more oyster sauceCopy !req
15. for a richer flavor.Copy !req
16. If I may…Copy !req
17. If I may just demonstrate.Copy !req
18. Hey, Grandma, I just…Copy !req
19. Uh-oh. Already?Copy !req
20. If I may just demonstrate…Copy !req
21. I hate to leave two such beautiful women,Copy !req
22. but I must go and bring home the bacon
for you both.Copy !req
23. I will miss you, Kohng Koy Kahn.Copy !req
24. I will go sit in the dining room
for a while.Copy !req
25. Yeah, knock yourself out.Copy !req
26. What are you doing?Copy !req
27. Oh, just some cleaning.Copy !req
28. No, Laoma. It's not necessary.Copy !req
29. I clean house yesterday just fine.Copy !req
30. If I may just demonstrate.Copy !req
31. Well, hello. I am Peggy Hill.Copy !req
32. Laoma Souphanousinphone.Copy !req
33. Mrs. Hill, I must respectfully sayCopy !req
34. that you are missing an opportunityCopy !req
35. for the greatest cleanliness
of your windows.Copy !req
36. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
37. You use improper wiping motion.Copy !req
38. If you would allow me to demonstrate.Copy !req
39. I was a homemakerCopy !req
40. for 40 years,Copy !req
41. and I found that I truly enjoyed cleaning.Copy !req
42. Well, my favorite part of cleaning
is being done, huh?Copy !req
43. Well, I see you don't relax by laughing.Copy !req
44. If you find no joy in housework,Copy !req
45. perhaps you would do better
with a housekeeper.Copy !req
46. Oh, well, I've had fantasies about it,
believe me.Copy !req
47. We just don't have that kind of money.Copy !req
48. Please, Mrs. Hill,Copy !req
49. I would not charge much.Copy !req
50. You know my daughter-in-law.Copy !req
51. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
52. I really need to get out of the house.Copy !req
53. Deal.Copy !req
54. You can call me Miss Peggy.Copy !req
55. And this, as you can see, is the kitchen.Copy !req
56. There's the sink, the oven,
the floor, the…Copy !req
57. Yes.Copy !req
58. It is like many kitchens I have seen.Copy !req
59. I will find my way.Copy !req
60. What is she doing?Copy !req
61. She's cleaning our house
for practically nothing.Copy !req
62. That washcloth cost more than her.Copy !req
63. Now get out before she changes her mind.Copy !req
64. Mama going to throw garbage
all over Hill lawn.Copy !req
65. How I love her.Copy !req
66. No…Copy !req
67. Not there.Copy !req
68. Well, how that spiteful?Copy !req
69. Well, what she…Copy !req
70. Laoma!Copy !req
71. Coming, Miss Peggy!Copy !req
72. This crazy!Copy !req
73. You survive brutal dictatorship
in Communist state,Copy !req
74. only to become slave in America?Copy !req
75. Oh, don't be silly, Kahn.Copy !req
76. Now, does this "Hank" name tag
look clean enough to you?Copy !req
77. I just don't like
the idea of having a maid.Copy !req
78. I don't even feel right
having a waiter clear my plate.Copy !req
79. So, why don't you fire her?Copy !req
80. Because that would be even more wrong
than it was to hire her.Copy !req
81. Nope, I'm afraid we'll have
to keep her on with us now till she dies.Copy !req
82. Well!Copy !req
83. That very clever prank
you play, Hank Hill.Copy !req
84. You take advantage of poor, old,
defenseless womanCopy !req
85. to spite neighbor.Copy !req
86. Wait till your mother come here
on rocking chairCopy !req
87. tied to roof of car!Copy !req
88. I make her dance for nickels!Copy !req
89. Oh, man! Dang ol' Kahn, man!Copy !req
90. I've never seen this woman clean anything,Copy !req
91. but I enjoy her work.Copy !req
92. Hello, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
93. Oh, hi, Laoma.Copy !req
94. Please continue to watch your sports game.Copy !req
95. I will not disturb you.Copy !req
96. Oh, I know, I know.
I'm just stretching my legs.Copy !req
97. Uh-oh. Sticky stain.Copy !req
98. No, Mr. Hill. It is okay.Copy !req
99. You stay and watch. I insist.Copy !req
100. Oh, god.Copy !req
101. Time for afternoon snack.Copy !req
102. You… you brought me a snack?Copy !req
103. You are the male child of the family.Copy !req
104. Your responsibility is great,
and so must be your nourishment.Copy !req
105. Melted cheese, roast beef, sauerkraut…Copy !req
106. This is a Reuben sandwich!Copy !req
107. I wasn't expecting this.Copy !req
108. I, I…Copy !req
109. I gotta sit down.Copy !req
110. Oh, Minh. My heart is breaking.Copy !req
111. With every speck of dirt Mama clean
from hillbilly's toilet,Copy !req
112. it one more speck of dirt on my face.Copy !req
113. Your mother must not be treated
like a caged bird.Copy !req
114. We must let her fly.Copy !req
115. Even if it's just across the street
for a few hours a day.Copy !req
116. Tomorrow Mama's day off.Copy !req
117. I must find her new way to occupy time.Copy !req
118. Something she can do here in house,Copy !req
119. instead of in cracker shack next door.Copy !req
120. Day off?Copy !req
121. So she be here tomorrow? With me?Copy !req
122. - Mm… Oops.
- Howdy, fellows!Copy !req
123. I see you are all relaxing
after a hard day of work.Copy !req
124. - Yeah, man.
- Yeah, well, you know…Copy !req
125. Yeah, just having a beer.Copy !req
126. I bet you wish you had super-clean homesCopy !req
127. to go to like your buddy Hank.Copy !req
128. Uh, well, yeah.Copy !req
129. Well, there's good news.Copy !req
130. My mother-in-law has remaining
shifts availableCopy !req
131. at unbeatable prices.Copy !req
132. Who sign up first?Copy !req
133. Heck, I'll take a day.Copy !req
134. I could use some Asian fingerprints
in there.Copy !req
135. Why not you, Bill?Copy !req
136. Have you become emotionally attachedCopy !req
137. to your many rats and cockroaches?Copy !req
138. No.Copy !req
139. They can leave any time they want,
I wouldn't care.Copy !req
140. So hire Laoma.Copy !req
141. She practically free.Copy !req
142. Well… maybe I should.Copy !req
143. I just always figured I'd have
to be rich to be clean.Copy !req
144. This will take me months.Copy !req
145. Thank you, Bill.Copy !req
146. Huh?Copy !req
147. Oh, Laoma, I can't thank you enough.Copy !req
148. My house is clean,
my clothes are clean, I'm clean.Copy !req
149. And I can't believe
how many forks you found.Copy !req
150. It has been my pleasure.Copy !req
151. It is a curious thing.Copy !req
152. I moved here only to be closer to my son.Copy !req
153. It has been a lovely surpriseCopy !req
154. that I have also found something to do.Copy !req
155. Yes… lovely.Copy !req
156. Oh, something's on your mind.Copy !req
157. As a barber, I've seen that look
on my own faceCopy !req
158. in the mirror many a time.Copy !req
159. Well, there is still a voidCopy !req
160. that neither family nor work can fulfill.Copy !req
161. Yeah, there's a void in my life, too.Copy !req
162. It's nice to talk to someone
who has the same void.Copy !req
163. LaomaCopy !req
164. forgive me if I'm out of line, butCopy !req
165. would you ever consider
spending time with me,Copy !req
166. you know, outside of my house?Copy !req
167. A heart attack took my husband
away from me to the next life.Copy !req
168. But I believe he returned
as the gentle windCopy !req
169. that blows through this meadow, even now.Copy !req
170. My god, that's the most
beautiful descriptionCopy !req
171. of a haunted meadow I've ever heard.Copy !req
172. My heartCopy !req
173. it's been broken so many times!Copy !req
174. I will be gentle.Copy !req
175. If I may demonstrate…Copy !req
176. Oh, Laoma.Copy !req
177. Mmm… oh!Copy !req
178. So, you guys go to things.Copy !req
179. Anybody know where I can get two ticketsCopy !req
180. to Love Letters
at the Arlen Little Theater?Copy !req
181. Good lord! Has your ass gotten
so fat you need two seats?Copy !req
182. No. I have a friend.Copy !req
183. You can't take a pigeon
to the theater, Bill.Copy !req
184. For your information,
she happens to be a lady,Copy !req
185. and we really like each other.Copy !req
186. I got to tell you,Copy !req
187. things got pretty hot
and heavy last night.Copy !req
188. - Oh.
- Oh. That's a good one, man. Dang ol'…Copy !req
189. Way to go, Bill. Anyone we know?Copy !req
190. Yup. It's Kahn's mom.Copy !req
191. Goddang, man!Copy !req
192. Bill, she's 20 years older than you.Copy !req
193. She's literally an old maid.Copy !req
194. My god, she's perfect for you.Copy !req
195. Congratulations, Bill!Copy !req
196. Aw, thanks.Copy !req
197. So, how does Kahn feel about all this?Copy !req
198. Oh, we haven't told him yet.Copy !req
199. It'll probably take him
some getting used to,Copy !req
200. and we don't wanna upset himCopy !req
201. until the relationship
is on a surer footing.Copy !req
202. Yo, man.Copy !req
203. Dang ol' nine o'clock, man.Copy !req
204. Dauterive!Copy !req
205. My mother get home
two hours late last night.Copy !req
206. You work her overtime?Copy !req
207. I'm sorry, Kahn.Copy !req
208. We lost track of the hour.Copy !req
209. Well, that unacceptable.Copy !req
210. Every time my mother
come back from your house,Copy !req
211. she sweaty and exhausted.Copy !req
212. Come on, guys, cool it.Copy !req
213. From now on, you stop riding her so hard!Copy !req
214. You need to use bathroom, Mr. Hill?Copy !req
215. Uh, no, no. I just, uh…Copy !req
216. It's okay.Copy !req
217. I come back when you done.Copy !req
218. No, no, really.
I'll, I'll just, uh, do it later.Copy !req
219. I insist.Copy !req
220. You go to the bathroom immediately.Copy !req
221. I will wait outside
until you have finished.Copy !req
222. Uh, are you still out there?Copy !req
223. Yes.Copy !req
224. Do you require assistance, Mr. Hill?Copy !req
225. No!Copy !req
226. For three years now,
I've had show turtles,Copy !req
227. and I've never once put them in a show.Copy !req
228. I'm a freakin' hypocrite.Copy !req
229. Any of you seen my mother?Copy !req
230. Well, that depends.Copy !req
231. How are you at receiving
unspeakably awful news?Copy !req
232. Dale!Copy !req
233. Oh, there she is.Copy !req
234. Wait a minute.Copy !req
235. That not her housecleaning outfit.Copy !req
236. Whee!Copy !req
237. Ha. What'd he do that for?Copy !req
238. Anybody wanna watch the game?Copy !req
239. Why, Mama?Copy !req
240. Why not instead become bag lady?Copy !req
241. Or actress in pornographic film?Copy !req
242. Why must you humiliate me
in worst way imaginable?Copy !req
243. Kahn, I do not mean to shame you.Copy !req
244. I am an old, lonely woman.Copy !req
245. Bill such a big, strong man.Copy !req
246. When I in his arms,Copy !req
247. I feel like delicate little hummingbird,
and he my…Copy !req
248. Aah! Too vivid. No.Copy !req
249. Don't you love me?Copy !req
250. Of course, I do.Copy !req
251. You're my mama.Copy !req
252. Kahn, if you love me,Copy !req
253. you will try to love Bill.Copy !req
254. Oh, we just…Copy !req
255. Say it.Copy !req
256. I…Copy !req
257. I… uh…Copy !req
258. I will try toCopy !req
259. love…Copy !req
260. Bill.Copy !req
261. Oh, I swear Laoma
and I must have beenCopy !req
262. the handsomest couple
in that noodle house last night.Copy !req
263. Yeah?Copy !req
264. Yeah. You should've seen
the way people's heads turnedCopy !req
265. - when we walked in together.
- Aw, gee!Copy !req
266. I guess there's just something
about a coupleCopy !req
267. that's deeply, deeply in love.Copy !req
268. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
269. Of course, you should have seenCopy !req
270. the way Laoma flirted with the maître d'Copy !req
271. to get us a table.Copy !req
272. Oh, Bill, stop.Copy !req
273. Stop, yeah.Copy !req
274. Oh, I thought I was gonna lose her
for a minute there, folks.Copy !req
275. Bill, you know I flirt only with you.Copy !req
276. - Oh, god!
- Yeah, well, it's true.Copy !req
277. It's true.Copy !req
278. She's like a teenager.Copy !req
279. - Oh, really?
- She nearly caused meCopy !req
280. to hit the guardrail driving home.Copy !req
281. Oh! Oh.Copy !req
282. Feeling dizzy and short of breath.Copy !req
283. I think I'm having a stroke.Copy !req
284. No, don't get up.Copy !req
285. And call me a crazy dreamer if you want,Copy !req
286. but are we the only intelligent life
in the universe?Copy !req
287. I don't think so.Copy !req
288. Mm. Yes, Miss Peggy.Copy !req
289. Explain the pyramids.Copy !req
290. You can't.Copy !req
291. No, no, no!Copy !req
292. For love of all things holy,Copy !req
293. now my mother swill beer in alley
like full-blown redneck.Copy !req
294. Relax, Kahn.Copy !req
295. She happy out there.Copy !req
296. And your mother's happiness
is the only thing that matters to me.Copy !req
297. But what if people
at office find out? Aah!Copy !req
298. Used to be I could go to workCopy !req
299. and brag about my family.Copy !req
300. I tell them, "My daughter a genius.Copy !req
301. She build perfect replica of lunar moduleCopy !req
302. for advanced placement science class."Copy !req
303. They have no retort.Copy !req
304. Now anything I say, they counter with,Copy !req
305. "Ah, how's that six-toed possum babyCopy !req
306. your mother have with redneck?"Copy !req
307. What do you think, Dad?Copy !req
308. Does this look like a convincing replica
of Harrison Schmitt?Copy !req
309. Huh. Astronaut turned senator.Copy !req
310. Now this is the kind of man
who should be dating my mother.Copy !req
311. Man who conquer moon,Copy !req
312. not man who conquer Moon Pie.Copy !req
313. Kahn,Copy !req
314. I'm so delighted
that you've finally come to see me.Copy !req
315. Yeah. Oh.Copy !req
316. Well, I wish I could come here
under happier circumstances.Copy !req
317. Well, any problem of yours
is a problem of mine.Copy !req
318. Yeah, actually, this one all yours.Copy !req
319. See, here the thing.Copy !req
320. My mama has fallen in love
with another man.Copy !req
321. An astronaut.Copy !req
322. Which one?Copy !req
323. Harrison Schmitt.Copy !req
324. Listen, can you fly spaceship?Copy !req
325. No.Copy !req
326. Ahh…Copy !req
327. Then this could be problem.Copy !req
328. But… butCopy !req
329. we're in love!Copy !req
330. Oh, come on, Bill.Copy !req
331. You know it was only a matter of time
before she leave you.Copy !req
332. Like your wife did.Copy !req
333. I suppose you're right. ButCopy !req
334. why didn't she tell me herself?Copy !req
335. Because she pity you.Copy !req
336. Yeah, Mama way too nice to hurt youCopy !req
337. just so she could find true happiness.Copy !req
338. So I guess she just live out her daysCopy !req
339. in miserable, unsatisfying relationship
with you.Copy !req
340. The important thing
is that Bill gets what Bill wants.Copy !req
341. Well, it really none of my business.Copy !req
342. I show myself out.Copy !req
343. Yeah.Copy !req
344. Okay.Copy !req
345. Bill, are you not well?Copy !req
346. I… I'm okay.Copy !req
347. No.Copy !req
348. Something is wrong.Copy !req
349. Usually, you're licking
bottom of bowl by now.Copy !req
350. You are breaking up with me.Copy !req
351. Sometimes you have to move on
to find true happiness.Copy !req
352. New people show up
into other people's lives.Copy !req
353. Sometimes wearing space helmets, I guess.Copy !req
354. This… this is what you want?Copy !req
355. Well…Copy !req
356. I think in the long run
it's better for both of us.Copy !req
357. Don't you think?Copy !req
358. Oh.Copy !req
359. Yes.Copy !req
360. - Of course.
- Good.Copy !req
361. Then we're broken up.Copy !req
362. There's a full moon tomorrow night.Copy !req
363. Now I guess you can enjoy itCopy !req
364. with someone who's been there.Copy !req
365. What a rush!Copy !req
366. Maybe next I break up Hank and Peggy.Copy !req
367. Oh.Copy !req
368. I'm not gonna pretend
that I really got you two,Copy !req
369. but you seemed happy.
Why did you break up with her?Copy !req
370. Well, she was clean, I was dirty.Copy !req
371. Something had to give.Copy !req
372. You'll get a new woman soon, Bill.Copy !req
373. Remember, you scored with an older chick.Copy !req
374. You're the man now.Copy !req
375. Oh, no, wait.
I was thinking of high school.Copy !req
376. Sorry.Copy !req
377. Mama, time to trim my ear hair.Copy !req
378. Oh, you doing laundry. Good.Copy !req
379. Minh refuses to iron my socks.Copy !req
380. No, Kahn.Copy !req
381. I am leaving.Copy !req
382. Though I will try to get a few loads doneCopy !req
383. before I go.Copy !req
384. Pinebrook Acres?Copy !req
385. It is a combination retirement home
and cemetery.Copy !req
386. It's really quite convenient.Copy !req
387. Well… but everything perfect now.Copy !req
388. Everybody happy!Copy !req
389. I am sorry,Copy !req
390. but it is too hard to have Bill so close.Copy !req
391. And the home will be fun.Copy !req
392. I am sure there will be partiesCopy !req
393. where they make us wear little paper hats.Copy !req
394. Oh! Still undercooked.Copy !req
395. Unbe-freakin'-lievable.Copy !req
396. Damn that Laoma.Copy !req
397. She just waltzes into my life,Copy !req
398. teases me with labor at slave wages,Copy !req
399. and then runs off to a nursing home.Copy !req
400. No soup?Copy !req
401. Where's the fish course?Copy !req
402. This isn't right.Copy !req
403. I'm the firstborn male.Copy !req
404. Look, I should be
in the warm tub right nowCopy !req
405. contemplating.Copy !req
406. Baa!Copy !req
407. What the hell are you doing, Bill?Copy !req
408. Ugh! Sorry.Copy !req
409. It's just that this is
where Laoma and I first made love.Copy !req
410. Ugh.Copy !req
411. I don't get it, Bill.Copy !req
412. You broke up with Laoma,
and now you're pining over her?Copy !req
413. I only broke up with her
'cause I found outCopy !req
414. she was involved with an astronaut.Copy !req
415. - What?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
416. Harrison Schmitt.Copy !req
417. And I didn't want to stand in the wayCopy !req
418. of her being with such a great guy.Copy !req
419. Look, I don't know about any…Copy !req
420. Harrison Schmitt? Really?Copy !req
421. - Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
- Well, look,Copy !req
422. whoever it is,
you just have to go to LaomaCopy !req
423. somewhere far away from my front stoop,Copy !req
424. and make sure you tell her
how you feel about herCopy !req
425. and that nobody can take care of her
better than you can.Copy !req
426. Yeah, but Kahn said…Copy !req
427. Don't worry about what Kahn
or anybody else says.Copy !req
428. You've gotta take your best shot.Copy !req
429. And then if she chooses someone else,Copy !req
430. well, at least you tried.Copy !req
431. Look out, spaceman.Copy !req
432. Bill Dauterive is coming through!Copy !req
433. I hate to see you so unhappy because of…Copy !req
434. Bill Dauterive.Copy !req
435. But, uh…Copy !req
436. But who knows why he does what he does.Copy !req
437. Laoma!Copy !req
438. Okay, time's a-wastin'.Copy !req
439. Laoma!Copy !req
440. Bill?Copy !req
441. Laoma, wait.Copy !req
442. Don't go.Copy !req
443. I am sorry. I must.Copy !req
444. Where is he taking you? Houston?Copy !req
445. Cape Canaveral?Copy !req
446. Okay, Dauterive finally snap.Copy !req
447. Come on, we go inside, call 911.Copy !req
448. Look, I don't care about your rocket boy,Copy !req
449. and I don't care
what kind of gifts he makes you.Copy !req
450. You wanna know what I think of him?Copy !req
451. Hey!Copy !req
452. I never stopped loving you, Laoma.Copy !req
453. I just wanted to let you find happiness
with Astronaut Schmitt.Copy !req
454. But I knowCopy !req
455. you'll only find true happiness with me!Copy !req
456. - Oh, Bill.
- Oh.Copy !req
457. Wait.Copy !req
458. Astronaut who?Copy !req
459. Yes, Harrison Schmitt.Copy !req
460. Kahn told me everything.Copy !req
461. Kahn?Copy !req
462. Mama, it not what it look like.Copy !req
463. I only did it because the thought
of you two together make me sickCopy !req
464. to the very pit of my stomach.Copy !req
465. Oh, come on.Copy !req
466. Like you all wouldn't
have done the same thingCopy !req
467. if Dauterive was after your mother?Copy !req
468. Oh, Laoma.Copy !req
469. You know, this not so bad.Copy !req
470. It kind of like those dogs
that so ugly, they almost cute.Copy !req
471. Yeah.Copy !req
472. D Yahoo! d.Copy !req
473. Uh-oh. Sticky stain.Copy !req