1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. Hey, you think
I'd meet more womenCopy !req
3. if I changed my name to Tango?Copy !req
4. Don't change your name
again, Bill.Copy !req
5. Kohng Koy Kahn!Copy !req
6. Mama!Copy !req
7. Huh, Kahn has a mother?Copy !req
8. Somehow I always pictured
a pod situation.Copy !req
9. Minh, you are very luckyCopy !req
10. to have a man like
Kahn to care for you.Copy !req
11. You must be sure alwaysCopy !req
12. to show your appreciation.Copy !req
13. Oh, what helpful suggestion.Copy !req
14. I do that right away.Copy !req
15. Minh, your stew looks nice,
but I would addCopy !req
16. just a bit more oyster sauce
for a richer flavor.Copy !req
17. If I may.Copy !req
18. If I may just demonstrate.Copy !req
19. Hey, Grandma, I just...Copy !req
20. Uh-oh. Already?Copy !req
21. If I may just demonstrate...Copy !req
22. I hate to leave two
such beautiful women,Copy !req
23. but I must go and
bring home the baconCopy !req
24. for you both.Copy !req
25. I will miss you, Kohng Koy Kahn.Copy !req
26. I will go sit in
the dining room for a while.Copy !req
27. Yeah, knock yourself out.Copy !req
28. What are you doing?Copy !req
29. Oh, just some cleaning.Copy !req
30. No, Laoma, it's not necessary.Copy !req
31. I clean house
yesterday just fine.Copy !req
32. If I may just demonstrate.Copy !req
33. Well, hello.
I am Peggy Hill.Copy !req
34. Laoma Souphanousinphone.Copy !req
35. Mrs. Hill, I must
respectfully sayCopy !req
36. that you are missing
an opportunityCopy !req
37. for the greatest
cleanliness of your windows.Copy !req
38. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
39. You use improper
wiping motion.Copy !req
40. If you would allow me
to demonstrate.Copy !req
41. I was a homemakerCopy !req
42. for 40 years,Copy !req
43. and I found that
I truly enjoyed cleaning.Copy !req
44. Well, my favorite
part of cleaning is being done, huh?Copy !req
45. Well, I see you don't
relax by laughing.Copy !req
46. If you find no joy in housework,Copy !req
47. perhaps you would do better
with a housekeeper.Copy !req
48. Oh, well, I've had
fantasies about it, believe me.Copy !req
49. We just don't have
that kind of money.Copy !req
50. Please, Mrs. Hill,Copy !req
51. I would not charge much.Copy !req
52. You know my
daughter-in-law:Copy !req
53. I really need to
get out of the house.Copy !req
54. Deal.Copy !req
55. You can call me Miss Peggy.Copy !req
56. And this, as you can
see, is the kitchen.Copy !req
57. There's the sink,
the oven, the floor, the...Copy !req
58. Yes. It is like
many kitchens I have seen.Copy !req
59. I will find my way.Copy !req
60. What is she doing?Copy !req
61. She's cleaning
our house, for practically nothing.Copy !req
62. That washcloth cost
more than her.Copy !req
63. Now get out before
she changes her mind.Copy !req
64. Mama going to throw garbage
all over Hill lawn.Copy !req
65. How I love her.Copy !req
66. No...Copy !req
67. not there.Copy !req
68. Well, how that spiteful?Copy !req
69. What's she...?Copy !req
70. Laoma?Copy !req
71. Coming, Miss Peggy!Copy !req
72. This crazy...Copy !req
73. you survive brutal
dictatorshipCopy !req
74. in Communist state,Copy !req
75. only to become slave
in America?Copy !req
76. Oh, don't be silly, Kahn.Copy !req
77. Now, does this "Hank" name tagCopy !req
78. look clean enough to you?Copy !req
79. I just don't like
the idea of having a maid.Copy !req
80. I don't even feel rightCopy !req
81. having a waiter
clear my plate.Copy !req
82. So, why don't you fire her?Copy !req
83. Because that would
be even more wrongCopy !req
84. than it was to hire her.Copy !req
85. Nope, I'm afraid
we'll have toCopy !req
86. keep her on with us now
till she dies.Copy !req
87. Well!Copy !req
88. That very clever prank
you play, Hank Hill.Copy !req
89. You take advantage
of poor, old,Copy !req
90. defenseless woman
to spite neighbor.Copy !req
91. Wait till your mother come
here on rocking chairCopy !req
92. tied to roof of car... I
make her dance for nickel!Copy !req
93. Dang ol' Kahn, man!Copy !req
94. I've never seen this woman clean
anything, but I enjoy her work.Copy !req
95. Hello, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
96. Oh, hi, Laoma.Copy !req
97. Please continue
to watch your sports game.Copy !req
98. I will not disturb you.Copy !req
99. Oh, I know, I know.Copy !req
100. I'm just stretching my legs.Copy !req
101. Uh-oh. Sticky stain.Copy !req
102. No, Mr. Hill.
It is okay.Copy !req
103. You stay and watch.
I insist.Copy !req
104. Oh, God.Copy !req
105. Time for afternoon snack.Copy !req
106. You... You brought me a snack?Copy !req
107. You are the male child
of the family.Copy !req
108. Your responsibility is great,
and so must be your nourishment.Copy !req
109. Melted cheese, roast beef,
sauerkraut...Copy !req
110. this is a Reuben sandwich!Copy !req
111. I wasn't expecting this.Copy !req
112. L-I...Copy !req
113. I gotta sit down.Copy !req
114. Oh, Minh. My heart is breaking.Copy !req
115. With every speck of dirt Mama
clean from hillbilly's toilet,Copy !req
116. it one more speck
of dirt on my face.Copy !req
117. Your mother must not be treated
like a caged bird.Copy !req
118. We must let her fly.Copy !req
119. Even if it's just across the
street for a few hours a day.Copy !req
120. Tomorrow Mama's day off.Copy !req
121. I must find her
new way to occupy time.Copy !req
122. Something she can do
here in house,Copy !req
123. instead of in cracker
shack next door.Copy !req
124. Day off?Copy !req
125. So she be here tomorrow...
with me?Copy !req
126. Howdy, fellows!Copy !req
127. I see you are all relaxing
after a hard day of work.Copy !req
128. Yeah, just having a beer.Copy !req
129. I bet you wish you had
super-clean homes to go toCopy !req
130. like your buddy Hank.Copy !req
131. Uh, well, yeah.Copy !req
132. Well, there's good news.Copy !req
133. My mother-in-law has remaining
shifts availableCopy !req
134. at unbeatable prices.Copy !req
135. Who sign up first?Copy !req
136. Heck, I'll take a day.Copy !req
137. I could use some Asian
fingerprints in there.Copy !req
138. Why not you, Bill?Copy !req
139. Have you become
emotionally attachedCopy !req
140. to your many rats
and cockroaches?Copy !req
141. No. They can leave any time
they want... I wouldn't care.Copy !req
142. So hire Laoma. She
practically free.Copy !req
143. Well... maybe I should.Copy !req
144. I just always figured I'd have
to be rich to be clean.Copy !req
145. This will take me months.Copy !req
146. Thank you, Bill.Copy !req
147. Huh?Copy !req
148. Oh, Laoma, I can't
thank you enough.Copy !req
149. My house is clean, my clothes
are clean... I'm clean.Copy !req
150. And I can't believe
how many forks you found.Copy !req
151. It has been my pleasure.Copy !req
152. It is a curious thing.Copy !req
153. I moved here only to be closer
to my son.Copy !req
154. It has been a lovely surpriseCopy !req
155. that I have also found
something to do.Copy !req
156. Yes... lovely.Copy !req
157. Oh, something's on your mind.Copy !req
158. As a barber, I've seen
that look on my own faceCopy !req
159. in the mirror many a time.Copy !req
160. Well, there is still a voidCopy !req
161. that neither family
nor work can fulfill.Copy !req
162. Yeah, there's a void
in my life, too.Copy !req
163. It's nice to talk to
someone who has the same void.Copy !req
164. Laoma...Copy !req
165. forgive me if I'm
out of line, but...Copy !req
166. would you ever consider
spending time with me,Copy !req
167. you know, outside of my house?Copy !req
168. A heart attack took my husband
away from me to the next life.Copy !req
169. But I believe he returnedCopy !req
170. as the gentle windCopy !req
171. that blows through
this meadow, even now.Copy !req
172. My God, that's the most
beautiful descriptionCopy !req
173. of a haunted meadow
I've ever heard.Copy !req
174. My heart... it's been
broken so many times!Copy !req
175. I will be gentle.Copy !req
176. If I may demonstrate...Copy !req
177. Oh, Laoma.Copy !req
178. Oh...Copy !req
179. Mmm... oh!Copy !req
180. So, you guys go to things...Copy !req
181. anybody know where I can get
two ticketsCopy !req
182. to "Love Letters"
at the Arlen Little Theater?Copy !req
183. Good Lord, has your ass gotten
so fat you need two seats?Copy !req
184. No. I have a friend.Copy !req
185. You can't take a pigeon
to the theater, Bill.Copy !req
186. For your information, she
happens to be a lady,Copy !req
187. and we really like each other.Copy !req
188. I got to tell you, things got
pretty hot and heavy last night.Copy !req
189. Ooh, good one, man, Dang 'ol...
Oh...Copy !req
190. Way to go, Bill.
Anyone we know?Copy !req
191. Yep. It's Kahn's mom.Copy !req
192. By God dang, man!Copy !req
193. Bill, she's 20 years
older than you.Copy !req
194. She's literally an old maid.Copy !req
195. My God, she's perfect for you.Copy !req
196. Congratulations, Bill!Copy !req
197. Aw, thanks.Copy !req
198. So, how does Kahn
feel about all this?Copy !req
199. Oh, we haven't told him yet.Copy !req
200. It'll probably take him
some getting used to,Copy !req
201. and we don't want to upset himCopy !req
202. until the relationship
is on a surer footing.Copy !req
203. Dang ol' 9:00, man.Copy !req
204. Dauterive!Copy !req
205. My mother get home
two hours late last night.Copy !req
206. You work her overtime?Copy !req
207. I'm sorry, Kahn.Copy !req
208. We lost track of the hour.Copy !req
209. Well, that unacceptable.Copy !req
210. Every time my mother
come back from your house,Copy !req
211. she sweaty and exhausted.Copy !req
212. Come on, guys, cool it.Copy !req
213. From now on, you stop
riding her so hard.Copy !req
214. You need to use bathroom,
Mr. Hill?Copy !req
215. Uh, no, no. I just, uh...Copy !req
216. It's okay.Copy !req
217. I come back when you done.Copy !req
218. No, no, really,
I'll just do it later.Copy !req
219. I insist. You go
to the bathroom immediately.Copy !req
220. I will wait outside
until you have finished.Copy !req
221. Uh, are you still out there?Copy !req
222. Yes.Copy !req
223. Do you require
assistance, Mr. Hill?Copy !req
224. No!Copy !req
225. For three years now,
I've had show turtles,Copy !req
226. and I've never once
put them in a show.Copy !req
227. I'm a freakin' hypocrite.Copy !req
228. Any of you seen my mother?Copy !req
229. Well, that depends.Copy !req
230. How are you at receiving
unspeakably awful news?Copy !req
231. Dale!Copy !req
232. Oh,Copy !req
233. there she is.Copy !req
234. Wait a minute.Copy !req
235. That not
her housecleaning outfit.Copy !req
236. Whee!Copy !req
237. Ha. What'd he do that for?Copy !req
238. Anybody want to watch the game?Copy !req
239. Why, Mama?Copy !req
240. Why not instead
become bag lady?Copy !req
241. Or actress
in pornographic film?Copy !req
242. Why must you humiliate me
in worst way imaginable?Copy !req
243. Kahn, I do not mean
to shame you.Copy !req
244. I am an old, lonely woman.Copy !req
245. Bill such a big, strong man.Copy !req
246. When I in his arms,Copy !req
247. I feel like delicate
little hummingbird, and he my...Copy !req
248. Aah! Too vivid. No.Copy !req
249. Don't you love me?Copy !req
250. Of course I do.Copy !req
251. You're my mama.Copy !req
252. Kahn, if you love me,Copy !req
253. you will try to love Bill.Copy !req
254. Oh, we just...Copy !req
255. Say it.Copy !req
256. I... I...Copy !req
257. I will try to...Copy !req
258. love...Copy !req
259. Bill.Copy !req
260. Oh, I swear Laoma
and I must have beenCopy !req
261. the handsomest coupleCopy !req
262. in that noodle
house last night.Copy !req
263. Yeah.Copy !req
264. You should've seen the
way people's heads turnedCopy !req
265. when we walked in together.Copy !req
266. I guess there's
just something about a coupleCopy !req
267. that's deeply, deeply in love.Copy !req
268. Yeah.Copy !req
269. 'Course you should have seenCopy !req
270. the way Laoma flirted
with the maître d'Copy !req
271. to get us a table.Copy !req
272. Oh, Bill, stop.Copy !req
273. Stop, yeah.Copy !req
274. Oh, I thought I was going
to lose herCopy !req
275. for a minute there, folks.Copy !req
276. Bill, you know
I flirt only with you.Copy !req
277. Oh!Copy !req
278. - Ah, that one is true.
- It's true.Copy !req
279. She's like a teenager.Copy !req
280. She nearly caused meCopy !req
281. to hit the guardrail
driving home.Copy !req
282. Oh. Oh.Copy !req
283. I feeling dizzy
and short of breath.Copy !req
284. I think I'm having a stroke.Copy !req
285. No, don't get up.Copy !req
286. And call me a crazy dreamer
if you want,Copy !req
287. but are we the only intelligent
life in the universe?Copy !req
288. I don't think so.Copy !req
289. Mm. Yes, Miss Peggy.Copy !req
290. Explain the pyramids.Copy !req
291. You can't.Copy !req
292. No, no, no!Copy !req
293. For love of all things holy.Copy !req
294. Now my mother swill beer
in alleyCopy !req
295. like full-blown redneck.Copy !req
296. Relax, Kahn.Copy !req
297. She happy out there.Copy !req
298. And your mother's happiness is
the only thingCopy !req
299. that matters to me.Copy !req
300. But what if people
at office find out?Copy !req
301. Aah!Copy !req
302. Used to beCopy !req
303. I could go to
work and brag about my family.Copy !req
304. I tell them,
"My daughter a genius.Copy !req
305. "She build perfect replicaCopy !req
306. "of lunar module for
advanced placementCopy !req
307. science class."Copy !req
308. They have no retort.Copy !req
309. Now anything I say,
they counter with,Copy !req
310. "Oh, how's that six-toed
possum babyCopy !req
311. your mother have with redneck?"Copy !req
312. What do you think, Dad?Copy !req
313. Does this look like a convincing
replica of Harrison Schmitt?Copy !req
314. Ha.Copy !req
315. Astronaut turned senator.Copy !req
316. Now this is the kind of man
who should be dating my mother.Copy !req
317. Man who conquer Moon,Copy !req
318. not man who conquer moon pie.Copy !req
319. Kahn,Copy !req
320. I'm so delightedCopy !req
321. that you've finally
come to see me.Copy !req
322. Yeah. Oh.Copy !req
323. Well, I wish I could come here
under happier circumstances.Copy !req
324. Well, any problem of yours
is a problem of mine.Copy !req
325. Yeah, actually,
this one all yours.Copy !req
326. See, here the thing.Copy !req
327. My mama has fallen in love
with another man.Copy !req
328. An astronaut.Copy !req
329. Which one?Copy !req
330. Harrison Schmitt.Copy !req
331. Listen, can you fly spaceship?Copy !req
332. No.Copy !req
333. Oh.Copy !req
334. Then this could be problem.Copy !req
335. But... but...Copy !req
336. we're in love.Copy !req
337. Oh, come on, Bill.Copy !req
338. You know it was only
a matter of timeCopy !req
339. before she leave you.Copy !req
340. Like your wife did.Copy !req
341. Yeah.Copy !req
342. I suppose you're right.Copy !req
343. But why didn't she
tell me herself?Copy !req
344. Because she pity you.Copy !req
345. Yeah, Mama way too nice
to hurt youCopy !req
346. just so she could find
true happiness.Copy !req
347. So I guess
she just live out her daysCopy !req
348. in miserable, unsatisfying
relationship with you.Copy !req
349. The important thing is
that Bill gets what Bill wants.Copy !req
350. Well, it really
none of my business.Copy !req
351. I show myself out.Copy !req
352. Yeah.Copy !req
353. Okay.Copy !req
354. Bill... are you not well?Copy !req
355. I... I'm okay.Copy !req
356. No.Copy !req
357. Something is wrong.Copy !req
358. Usually you're licking
bottom of bowl by now.Copy !req
359. You are breaking up with me.Copy !req
360. Sometimes you have to move on
to find true happiness.Copy !req
361. New people show up
into other people's lives,Copy !req
362. sometimes wearing space helmets,
I guess.Copy !req
363. This... this is what you want?Copy !req
364. Well, I think in the long runCopy !req
365. it's better for both of us.Copy !req
366. Don't you think?Copy !req
367. Oh.Copy !req
368. Yes.Copy !req
369. Of course.
Good.Copy !req
370. Then we're broken up.Copy !req
371. There's a full moon
tomorrow night.Copy !req
372. Now I guess you can enjoy itCopy !req
373. with someone who's been there.Copy !req
374. What a rush!Copy !req
375. Maybe next
I break up Hank and Peggy.Copy !req
376. Oh.Copy !req
377. I'm not going to pretend
that I really got you two,Copy !req
378. but you seemed happy.Copy !req
379. Why did you break up with her?Copy !req
380. Well, she was
clean, I was dirty.Copy !req
381. Something had to give.Copy !req
382. You'll get a new
woman soon, Bill.Copy !req
383. Remember, you scored
with an older chick.Copy !req
384. You're the man now.Copy !req
385. Oh, no wait.Copy !req
386. I was thinking of high school.Copy !req
387. Sorry.Copy !req
388. Mama, time to trim my ear hair.Copy !req
389. Oh, you doing laundry. Good.Copy !req
390. Minh refuses to iron my socks.Copy !req
391. No, Kahn.Copy !req
392. I am leaving,Copy !req
393. though I will try to
get a few loads doneCopy !req
394. before I go.Copy !req
395. Pinebrook Acres?Copy !req
396. It is a combination
retirement home and cemetery.Copy !req
397. It's really quite convenient.Copy !req
398. But everything perfect now.Copy !req
399. Everybody happy!Copy !req
400. I am sorry,Copy !req
401. but it is too hard
to have Bill so close.Copy !req
402. And the home will be fun.Copy !req
403. I am sure there
will be partiesCopy !req
404. where they make us
wear little paper hats.Copy !req
405. Oh! Still undercooked.Copy !req
406. Un-be-freakin'-lievable.Copy !req
407. Damn that Laoma.Copy !req
408. She just waltzes into my life,Copy !req
409. teases me with labor
at slave wages,Copy !req
410. and then runs off
to a nursing home.Copy !req
411. No soup?Copy !req
412. Where's the fish course?Copy !req
413. This isn't right.Copy !req
414. I'm the firstborn male.Copy !req
415. Look, I should be
in the warm tub right nowCopy !req
416. contemplating.Copy !req
417. Baa!Copy !req
418. What the hell are you doing,
Bill?Copy !req
419. Ugh! Sorry.Copy !req
420. It's just that this isCopy !req
421. where Laoma
and I first made love.Copy !req
422. Ugh.Copy !req
423. I don't get it, Bill.Copy !req
424. You broke up with Laoma,
and now you're pining over her?Copy !req
425. I only broke up with her
'cause I found outCopy !req
426. she was involved
with an astronaut.Copy !req
427. What?
Uh-uh.Copy !req
428. Harrison Schmitt.Copy !req
429. And I didn't want
to stand in the wayCopy !req
430. of her being
with such a great guy.Copy !req
431. Look, I don't know about any...Copy !req
432. Harrison Schmitt?Copy !req
433. Really?Copy !req
434. Well, look,Copy !req
435. whoever it is,
you just have to go to Laoma...Copy !req
436. somewhere far away
from my front stoop...Copy !req
437. and make sure you tell her
how you feel about herCopy !req
438. and that nobody can
take care of herCopy !req
439. better than you can.Copy !req
440. Yeah, but Kahn said...Copy !req
441. Don't worry about what
Kahn or anybody else says.Copy !req
442. You've got to take
your best shot.Copy !req
443. And then if she chooses
someone else,Copy !req
444. well, at least you tried.Copy !req
445. Look out, Spaceman.Copy !req
446. Bill Dauterive
is coming through!Copy !req
447. I hateCopy !req
448. to see you so unhappy
because of...Copy !req
449. Bill Dauterive.Copy !req
450. But, uh...Copy !req
451. But who knows
why he does what he does.Copy !req
452. Laoma!Copy !req
453. Okay, time's a-wastin'.Copy !req
454. Laoma!Copy !req
455. Bill?Copy !req
456. Laoma, wait.Copy !req
457. Don't go.Copy !req
458. I am sorry.Copy !req
459. I must.Copy !req
460. Where is he taking you?
Houston?Copy !req
461. Cape Canaveral?Copy !req
462. Okay, Dauterive finally snap.Copy !req
463. Come on, we go inside,Copy !req
464. call 911.Copy !req
465. Look, I don't care
about your rocket boy,Copy !req
466. and I don't care what kindCopy !req
467. of gifts he makes you.Copy !req
468. You want to knowCopy !req
469. what I think of him?Copy !req
470. Hey!Copy !req
471. I never stopped
loving you, Laoma.Copy !req
472. I just wanted to let you
find happinessCopy !req
473. with Astronaut Schmitt.Copy !req
474. But I knowCopy !req
475. you'll only find
true happiness with me.Copy !req
476. Oh, Bill.
Oh.Copy !req
477. Wait.Copy !req
478. Astronaut who?Copy !req
479. Yes, Harrison Schmitt.Copy !req
480. Kahn told me everything.Copy !req
481. Kahn?Copy !req
482. Mama,Copy !req
483. it not what it look like.Copy !req
484. I only did it
because the thoughtCopy !req
485. of you two together make me sick
to the very pit of my stomach.Copy !req
486. Oh, come on.Copy !req
487. Like you all wouldn't
have done the same thingCopy !req
488. if Dauterive was
after your mother?Copy !req
489. Oh.Copy !req
490. You know, this not so bad.Copy !req
491. It kind of like those dogs
that so ugly, they almost cute.Copy !req
492. Yeah.Copy !req
493. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
494. UH OH, sticky stain...Copy !req