1. Oh! Oh, my God!Copy !req
2. Bill!Copy !req
3. Ew! Where you eating nachos?Copy !req
4. Mom, why is Mr. Dauterive kissing Dad?Copy !req
5. Oh, Bobby, don't watch.Copy !req
6. We called 911, shug.Copy !req
7. Wow, I can't believe
how fast they've respondedCopy !req
8. considering I didn't give them
my real address.Copy !req
9. What in the hell is going on?Copy !req
10. I smelled something
coming from your house.Copy !req
11. Not the usual smell of cooking,
pine cleaner, happiness.Copy !req
12. It was gas.Copy !req
13. Gas?Copy !req
14. Oh, my God, the water heater.Copy !req
15. Lady Bird, for the life of me
I don't know what I did wrongCopy !req
16. when I installed this unit yesterday.Copy !req
17. Hank, the repairman
from the church circularCopy !req
18. will be here any minute.Copy !req
19. Now, honey, I know that
this is hard for you,Copy !req
20. but after last night,
we need a second opinion.Copy !req
21. Peggy, I know I can fix it.Copy !req
22. Let me give it another shot.Copy !req
23. We can't risk it.Copy !req
24. I cannot bear the thought
of going to sleep tonightCopy !req
25. and waking up with Bill
slobbering on me again.Copy !req
26. You must be Mr. Walker.Copy !req
27. No, Mr. Walker
is what they call my father.Copy !req
28. Please call me Mack.Copy !req
29. Well, Mack, Reverend Stroup
sure did give youCopy !req
30. a shining letter of recommendation.Copy !req
31. She said you were the answer
to the church's sewer problems.Copy !req
32. That's nice to hear.Copy !req
33. But I'm not only a plumber,Copy !req
34. I'm also a deacon at the church.Copy !req
35. I like to think of myself
as a handyman for God.Copy !req
36. Hello.Copy !req
37. You must be the repairmanCopy !req
38. that Peggy called behind my back.Copy !req
39. Mack, this is my husband, Hank.Copy !req
40. He's the one who almost killed us.Copy !req
41. Ah-hah.Copy !req
42. I said the same thing.Copy !req
43. Interesting.Copy !req
44. I find it interestingCopy !req
45. that you tapped the pipe
with a three-quarter wrenchCopy !req
46. instead of a five-eighth,
but to each his own…Copy !req
47. I guess.Copy !req
48. Mr. Hill, did you know
that I've been repairing water heatersCopy !req
49. and water heater accessories
for over 20 years?Copy !req
50. What a coincidence.Copy !req
51. I've been selling propane
and propane accessoriesCopy !req
52. for over 20 years.Copy !req
53. I bet we've both seen
a lot of crazy thingsCopy !req
54. in our day, huh?Copy !req
55. Boy, I know what you mean.Copy !req
56. I had this fella one time…Copy !req
57. Nice fella. A chiropractor.Copy !req
58. He tried to use first-stage plastic tubingCopy !req
59. for a second-stage regulator.Copy !req
60. I bet I can top that!Copy !req
61. I know a guy, installed
a brand-new water heaterCopy !req
62. without checking the old Gumson seals.Copy !req
63. Next thing he knew,
he woke up on his own front lawnCopy !req
64. after his neighbor dragged him to safety.Copy !req
65. Nice fella. Propane salesman.Copy !req
66. What?Copy !req
67. Are you referring to me?Copy !req
68. Was that a shot?Copy !req
69. That was a shot, wasn't it?Copy !req
70. Look, I need to remove
a section of the drywallCopy !req
71. to get to the pipes
for further inspection.Copy !req
72. I got to get my Dry VacCopy !req
73. before that dust gets into the vents.Copy !req
74. Hey, girl.Copy !req
75. Hello. I'm Bobby.Copy !req
76. Are you here to fix the gas leak?Copy !req
77. Hey, Bobby.Copy !req
78. I think your dog hates me.Copy !req
79. I don't know why you'd think that.Copy !req
80. I've never seen her smile
at anyone before.Copy !req
81. I got a dog at home.Copy !req
82. And I know when a dog
has ill intent in his heart.Copy !req
83. And that dog's looking at me
like I'm a pair of meat-bone slippers.Copy !req
84. "Meat-bone slippers."Copy !req
85. I'm gonna get a pen to write that down.Copy !req
86. Don't say anything while I'm gone.Copy !req
87. Man, Mr. Walker is so funny.Copy !req
88. He's got this great routine
about how Lady Bird wants toCopy !req
89. "rip out my throat."Copy !req
90. He asked me to hit her
in the head with a brick.Copy !req
91. What in the hell is funny about that?Copy !req
92. Maybe Bobby didn't tell it right.Copy !req
93. What's up, girl?Copy !req
94. Huh, that's strange.Copy !req
95. Mr. Walker, you in there?Copy !req
96. Yes, I'm in here.Copy !req
97. The door seems to be locked,Copy !req
98. but there's no lock on this door.Copy !req
99. I tied it off with a cord.Copy !req
100. Look, I…Copy !req
101. I still have the right
to observe your work.Copy !req
102. I just wanna finish up the job
without getting bit by your dog.Copy !req
103. My dog would never bite you.Copy !req
104. Well, she hasn't stopped growling at me
since I got here.Copy !req
105. Right there!Copy !req
106. See! She's giving me the evil eye.Copy !req
107. She's a hellhound.Copy !req
108. That's not true.Copy !req
109. You know what she loves?Copy !req
110. She loves to have her belly rubbed.Copy !req
111. And I love the use of all of my fingers.Copy !req
112. Come on, give her a rub. She's sweet.Copy !req
113. Okay.Copy !req
114. Hold her tight.Copy !req
115. I got her.Copy !req
116. See there? She likes you.Copy !req
117. Now tell her she's a good doggie.Copy !req
118. Good… doggie.Copy !req
119. Yes, you are.Copy !req
120. Yes, you are.Copy !req
121. Lady Bird, what's wrong with you?Copy !req
122. I'll tell you what's wrong with her.Copy !req
123. She's full of hate. Black hate!Copy !req
124. That is preposterous.Copy !req
125. What is with all the barking?Copy !req
126. Mr. Walker is upsetting Lady Bird.Copy !req
127. I'm upsetting her because I'm a Black man.Copy !req
128. That is a lie!Copy !req
129. You're just nervous,
which is making her nervous.Copy !req
130. Hank, get that dog out of here!Copy !req
131. - But, Peggy, he…
- Now, Hank!Copy !req
132. Mack, I apologize for my husband.Copy !req
133. He's always had an unhealthy relationship
with that dog.Copy !req
134. Listen, we're making hamburgers
on the grill,Copy !req
135. and I insist that you join us for lunch.Copy !req
136. I hope you like ketchup.Copy !req
137. Can you believe that guy?Copy !req
138. First, he kicks me off my own water heaterCopy !req
139. then he has the nerve
to call Lady Bird prejudiced.Copy !req
140. Yeah, man, talking
about ol' Lady Bird, man.Copy !req
141. Like dang ol' disposition of dove, man.Copy !req
142. Coo, ooh, ooh, ooh.Copy !req
143. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
144. Yeah, Lady Bird's so niceCopy !req
145. she'd let someone eat out of her own bowl.Copy !req
146. No matter how drunk they were.Copy !req
147. Of course, I'm White.Copy !req
148. Thank you for having me for lunch.Copy !req
149. Everything looks delicious.Copy !req
150. Well, thank you, Mack.Copy !req
151. It is.Copy !req
152. You know, Mr. Walker, Lady Bird
never acts the way she did this morning.Copy !req
153. I honestly don't know what got into her.Copy !req
154. I guess she was still feeling the effectsCopy !req
155. of nearly being gassed
to death last night.Copy !req
156. Pickle?Copy !req
157. Mr. Hill, I admit,Copy !req
158. maybe I threw the race card
at your dog a little too fast.Copy !req
159. But I swear I thought she was
gonna throw a few teeth my way.Copy !req
160. "Teeth my way."Copy !req
161. Brilliant.Copy !req
162. Well, I don't know much
about these kind of things, Mr. Walker.Copy !req
163. But I do know that a manCopy !req
164. should not be judged
by the color of his skinCopy !req
165. but by the actions of his heart,
I tell you what.Copy !req
166. Amen!Copy !req
167. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Copy !req
168. This is flavorful.Copy !req
169. I wish my wife knew her way
around a burger.Copy !req
170. Well, let me get you another one.Copy !req
171. All right, but if my wife calls,Copy !req
172. tell her I just had one.Copy !req
173. Did you hear that?Copy !req
174. He's henpecked.Copy !req
175. You can't turn this guy off.Copy !req
176. Good doggie! Good doggie!Copy !req
177. Ow! Bad doggie!Copy !req
178. Lady Bird, no!Copy !req
179. Well, I, I don't think she broke the skin,Copy !req
180. but better safe than sorry.Copy !req
181. Mr. Walker, I accept full responsibility
for Lady Bird's actions,Copy !req
182. but you've got to believe me,
she is not prejudiced.Copy !req
183. I know she's not prejudiced.Copy !req
184. She's racist.Copy !req
185. No, she's not.Copy !req
186. She's just getting old,Copy !req
187. and she must have developed
an acute fear of strangers.Copy !req
188. Hey, Dad!Copy !req
189. The mailman is here.Copy !req
190. Hello, you must be Mr. Hill.Copy !req
191. I'm your new mailman.Copy !req
192. Mr. Peters retired yesterday
after 25 years.Copy !req
193. Boy, that was some party.Copy !req
194. Yes, it was.Copy !req
195. Get your dog a new chew toy.Copy !req
196. I quit!Copy !req
197. See you in church!Copy !req
198. Yup.Copy !req
199. Yup.Copy !req
200. Yup.Copy !req
201. My dog is a racist.Copy !req
202. She bit that repairman
who happens to be Black.Copy !req
203. Haven't Black people been through enough?Copy !req
204. Yeah, man, talkin' about
"all men are created equal," man.Copy !req
205. Just like dang ol' pursuit
of happiness, too, man.Copy !req
206. There's only two ways to handle it, Hank.Copy !req
207. You either shoot her
between the eyes Old Yeller style,Copy !req
208. or you sneak up from behindCopy !req
209. and get her in the back of the head.Copy !req
210. Either way, it'll cost you ten bucks.Copy !req
211. I'll choke her for five,
and you can keep the head!Copy !req
212. Well, I'll tell you right now…Copy !req
213. We cannot have that dog running amuck,Copy !req
214. biting every Black person she sees.Copy !req
215. It makes us look like ignorant rednecks.Copy !req
216. Oh, and it's bad for Black people, too.Copy !req
217. Where did we go wrong, Peggy?Copy !req
218. Bobby, I know you're, uh, knowledgeable
of the Black videos and whatnot.Copy !req
219. And right now I need you
to use your love of, uh,Copy !req
220. Puffy and Diddy and Snoopy to help me.Copy !req
221. Is it about Lady Bird?Copy !req
222. Yes. Yes, it is.Copy !req
223. Now, Dad, you keep petting her
and feeding her treatsCopy !req
224. while Lady Bird just takes it all in.Copy !req
225. Check out his bling-bling.Copy !req
226. There, there, girl.Copy !req
227. Just flow with the nice music
and bling-bling.Copy !req
228. Lady Bird, no!Copy !req
229. Give them a chance.Copy !req
230. Hurry, they're about to have
the pool party!Copy !req
231. Lady Bird, don't you get it?Copy !req
232. A man should not be judgedCopy !req
233. by the color of his skin, but by,Copy !req
234. but by the actions of his heart!Copy !req
235. Mmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
236. Well, hello, Mrs. Stogner.Copy !req
237. How is Lulu doing with the pillow chewing?Copy !req
238. That bitter apple spray
you suggested worked wonders.Copy !req
239. Excellent.Copy !req
240. Let me guess
what this little lady's problem is?Copy !req
241. She looks like a barker to me, huh?Copy !req
242. Bet she keeps the neighbors up
all night. Am I right?Copy !req
243. No.Copy !req
244. She doesn't bark. She bites.Copy !req
245. This sweet dog bites people?Copy !req
246. I don't believe it.Copy !req
247. Uh, actually, she only bites, uh.Copy !req
248. Black people.Copy !req
249. I didn't know she was a prejudiced pup
when I picked her from the litter.Copy !req
250. She just looked so darn cute.Copy !req
251. Well, that is ridiculous.Copy !req
252. I can assure you
that your dog is not racist.Copy !req
253. Oh, thank God.Copy !req
254. You see, dogs only follow
subconscious cues from their owners.Copy !req
255. What does that mean?Copy !req
256. That means that you are the one
who is racist,Copy !req
257. Mr. Hill.Copy !req
258. Oh, and by the way,Copy !req
259. my girlfriend is African American.Copy !req
260. You sicken me.Copy !req
261. - What's up, Hank?
- Not much.Copy !req
262. Oh! Hey, Roger.Copy !req
263. I didn't realize that was you.Copy !req
264. How are you doing?
Could I get you a cup of coffee?Copy !req
265. I just poured one.Copy !req
266. Have you seen the cream?Copy !req
267. Well, there you go, Roger.Copy !req
268. Some cream for your coffee.Copy !req
269. Whoa! That's enough, Hank.Copy !req
270. Is something bothering you?Copy !req
271. Well, to be honest, Roger,Copy !req
272. I was accused of being a racist.Copy !req
273. Hank Hill a racist?Copy !req
274. But you got me my job here.Copy !req
275. Wait. The guy who called you that,
was he wearing a bow tie?Copy !req
276. It's not a pretty thing to be accused of,Copy !req
277. I tell you what.Copy !req
278. You're really shook up about this.Copy !req
279. Look, I know you're not like that.Copy !req
280. But if it'll make you feel better,Copy !req
281. you should take this Internet testCopy !req
282. my brother-in-law made us all take
last Thanksgiving.Copy !req
283. It's a good test.Copy !req
284. Said I was "racially unbiased",Copy !req
285. and I love gay people.Copy !req
286. I didn't see that one coming,
but I'm happy.Copy !req
287. Roger, show me this test.Copy !req
288. Faster, Hank!Copy !req
289. If you don't finish within the time limit,
it voids the test!Copy !req
290. Uh, but I, I don't remember
what keys to press.Copy !req
291. Does the letter "E"
stand for White or Black?Copy !req
292. And what's "I"? Is it good or bad?Copy !req
293. - I don't know.
- Just push one!Copy !req
294. You don't have time to think about it.Copy !req
295. That's how the test works.Copy !req
296. It's on a subconscious level.Copy !req
297. Go, go, go!Copy !req
298. This thing is so…Copy !req
299. Hey, guys.Copy !req
300. What's going on?Copy !req
301. Hank's taking the racist test.Copy !req
302. Oh, wow. Is he a racist?Copy !req
303. We don't know yet.Copy !req
304. I'm trying to concentrate.Copy !req
305. Yeah, what are you?Copy !req
306. Some kind of racist?Copy !req
307. You're almost there, buddy.Copy !req
308. Quiet.Copy !req
309. This test has to be some kind of a joke.Copy !req
310. I mean how can it determine
if you're racist or not?Copy !req
311. Almost done.Copy !req
312. Just a couple more.Copy !req
313. There, you're finished.Copy !req
314. Now we just wait
while it tallies up your score.Copy !req
315. Well, I don't thinkCopy !req
316. you can really go by something like this.Copy !req
317. I'm sure it's more of a game.Copy !req
318. You know, for fun.Copy !req
319. "Your test results show
that you strongly preferCopy !req
320. the company of White people."Copy !req
321. - What?
- Wow!Copy !req
322. And the "strongly" is flashing.Copy !req
323. Ugh! Man!Copy !req
324. This test is 100% incorrect.Copy !req
325. I do not prefer White people overCopy !req
326. others.Copy !req
327. Roger, tell 'em.Copy !req
328. I poured you cream.Copy !req
329. Monday's the earliest
I could schedule a repairmanCopy !req
330. to fix the water heater.Copy !req
331. But I boiled up some water
for a sponge bathCopy !req
332. and had enough left over for a cup of tea,Copy !req
333. a cup of soup, and a boiled egg.Copy !req
334. Fine.Copy !req
335. What's wrong?Copy !req
336. Well, you can have the egg.Copy !req
337. I took this stupid racial preference testCopy !req
338. on the Internet today
in front of the whole officeCopy !req
339. and failed miserably.Copy !req
340. The results claim
that I only like White people.Copy !req
341. A test?Copy !req
342. Come on, faster, Peggy.
You're nearly done.Copy !req
343. Oh, don't rush me!Copy !req
344. I can't even remember
what keys to push here.Copy !req
345. See? I told you it was stupid.Copy !req
346. There's no way this test
can determine anything.Copy !req
347. I can't even believe I'm taking it.Copy !req
348. There. There, you've finished.Copy !req
349. Now it adds up your crazy score.Copy !req
350. You know, I don't even care what it saysCopy !req
351. because this test is absolutely stu…Copy !req
352. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
353. "Strongly prefer
the company of Black people?"Copy !req
354. Well, you can't argue with results, Hank.Copy !req
355. Quite honestly,
I think it's a pretty good test.Copy !req
356. Honey, check to see
if there's paper in the printer.Copy !req
357. I wanna make a copy.Copy !req
358. D Amen d.Copy !req
359. Please be seated.Copy !req
360. For today's sermon,
I'd like all the children of the flockCopy !req
361. to gather up front.Copy !req
362. You sicken me.Copy !req
363. Can anyone tell me what color this is?Copy !req
364. White!Copy !req
365. How about this one?Copy !req
366. Black!Copy !req
367. Very good.Copy !req
368. Did you know that
God created all the colorsCopy !req
369. and loves them all equally?Copy !req
370. That's why he puts them in the same box.Copy !req
371. - Yeah.
- Unfortunately, there areCopy !req
372. some people in the worldCopy !req
373. who would prefer to keep white crayons
in their own boxCopy !req
374. separate from the other crayons.Copy !req
375. Hank, Reverend Stroup loaned us a tool
to help with our burden.Copy !req
376. And by virtue of my desire
to be around Black people,Copy !req
377. I will help guide you
on the road to recovery.Copy !req
378. What am I supposed to do with these?Copy !req
379. They're racial tolerance dolls.Copy !req
380. You practice interacting with them.Copy !req
381. I will not play with dolls.Copy !req
382. Do you want me to tell Reverend Stroup
you wouldn't even try?Copy !req
383. What do I have to do?Copy !req
384. The first step to recovery is to admit
that you have a problem with Black people.Copy !req
385. But I don't.Copy !req
386. A man should not be judged
by the color of his skin,Copy !req
387. - but by the actions…
- Admit it!Copy !req
388. Sorry, Hank,
but it's part of the treatment.Copy !req
389. Now admit it!Copy !req
390. If you found those dolls in my room,Copy !req
391. I swear I've never seen them before.Copy !req
392. Relax, Bobby. They belong to your father.Copy !req
393. Dad plays with dolls?Copy !req
394. - Mm-hmm.
- No, I'm not playing with dolls.Copy !req
395. I'm, uh, interacting with them.Copy !req
396. Oh.Copy !req
397. Can I interact with the dolls, too?Copy !req
398. Sure, son, let's interact together.Copy !req
399. Hello, have you seenCopy !req
400. a big fluffy kitty running around here?Copy !req
401. What's your kitten's name?Copy !req
402. We call her Whiskers,Copy !req
403. but she'll answer to Kee-Kee.Copy !req
404. Here, Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee.Copy !req
405. Uh, come on, Kee-Kee.Copy !req
406. Where are you?Copy !req
407. I'll, I'll get it.Copy !req
408. You two just keep on looking for that cat.Copy !req
409. Maybe your cat is under the table.Copy !req
410. Here, Kee-Kee.Copy !req
411. Lady Bird, no! Wait!Copy !req
412. Lady Bird, drop it!Copy !req
413. Dear Lord, we have formed a prayer circleCopy !req
414. to pray for Hank Hill's racist heart.Copy !req
415. Just down the hallway
on your right.Copy !req
416. So, you got yourself a leak, do you?Copy !req
417. Well, don't you worry.Copy !req
418. I'll fix her good as new.Copy !req
419. Uh, you might wanna…Copy !req
420. I got a magnetic screwdriver you can use.Copy !req
421. You're dropping the screws on the floor.Copy !req
422. You're gonna lose them.Copy !req
423. Look, you called me
because you needed my help,Copy !req
424. so if you'll just let me do the job.Copy !req
425. What's wrong, Lady Bird?Copy !req
426. Get, get your dog off of me!Copy !req
427. Lady Bird, stop!Copy !req
428. What in the world?Copy !req
429. I don't know what got into her.Copy !req
430. She just started biting this… white guy.Copy !req
431. Ah! This dog is crazy!Copy !req
432. Get away!Copy !req
433. - Ow! Ow!
- Lady Bird's biting a white guy.Copy !req
434. A white guy, Peggy.Copy !req
435. That dog trainer was right.Copy !req
436. Lady Bird did pick up
on my subconscious cues.Copy !req
437. But I don't hate Black people.Copy !req
438. I hate repairmen.Copy !req
439. Hey, hey!Copy !req
440. You were upset that
you couldn't fix the heater,Copy !req
441. and so that's why Lady Bird attacked Mack.Copy !req
442. Is Reverend Stroup still here?Copy !req
443. She's gotta see this.Copy !req
444. Let's go get her
before they start another song.Copy !req
445. Hey, wait… Wait! Don't leave me! Help!Copy !req
446. Coming!Copy !req
447. Hello?Copy !req
448. Good Lord!Copy !req
449. Mr. Walker, please open the door.Copy !req
450. The Klan meeting's been moved
to The Pancake House.Copy !req
451. Please, I can explain everything.Copy !req
452. I assure you Lady Bird will not bite you.Copy !req
453. Yeah, I've heard that one before.Copy !req
454. You don't understand.Copy !req
455. Lady Bird didn't bite you
'cause you're black.Copy !req
456. She sensed that it really bothered meCopy !req
457. having someone work on my water heater.Copy !req
458. Really?Copy !req
459. Yeah. She just bit another repairman.Copy !req
460. A white guy. I checked.Copy !req
461. And he's Scotch-Irish all the way back.Copy !req
462. I swear to you on my 20 yearsCopy !req
463. of selling propane and propane accessoriesCopy !req
464. that my dog and I are not racist.Copy !req
465. See there? She does like you.Copy !req
466. Aw, you're a good doggie, aren't you?Copy !req
467. Yes, you are.Copy !req
468. Yes, she is.Copy !req
469. D Yahoo! d.Copy !req
470. Here, Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee.Copy !req