1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. Oh... oh, my God!Copy !req
3. Bill!Copy !req
4. Ew! Where you eating nachos?Copy !req
5. Mom, why is Mr. Dauterive
kissing Dad?Copy !req
6. Oh, Bobby, don't watch.Copy !req
7. We called 9-1-1, shug.Copy !req
8. Wow, I can't believe
how fast they've respondedCopy !req
9. considering I didn't give them
my real address.Copy !req
10. What in the hell is going on?Copy !req
11. I smelled something
coming from your house.Copy !req
12. Not the usual smell of cooking
and pine cleaner, happiness.Copy !req
13. It was gas.Copy !req
14. Gas?Copy !req
15. Oh, my God, the water heater.Copy !req
16. Lady Bird, for the life of me
I don't know what I did wrongCopy !req
17. when I installed this unit
yesterday.Copy !req
18. Hank, the repairman
from the church circularCopy !req
19. will be here any minute.Copy !req
20. Now, honey, I know that this
is hard for you,Copy !req
21. but after last night,
we need a second opinion.Copy !req
22. Peggy, I know I can fix it.Copy !req
23. Let me give it another shot.Copy !req
24. We can't risk it.Copy !req
25. I cannot bear the thought
of going to sleep tonightCopy !req
26. and waking up with Bill
slobbering on me again.Copy !req
27. You must be Mr. Walker.Copy !req
28. No, Mr. Walker
is what they call my father.Copy !req
29. Please call me Mack.Copy !req
30. Well, Mack, Reverend Stroup
sure did give youCopy !req
31. a shining letter
of recommendation.Copy !req
32. She said you were the answer
to the church's sewer problems.Copy !req
33. That's nice to hear.Copy !req
34. But I'm not only a plumber,Copy !req
35. I'm also a deacon
at the church.Copy !req
36. I like to think of myself
as a handyman for God.Copy !req
37. Hello.Copy !req
38. You must be the repairmanCopy !req
39. that Peggy called
behind my back.Copy !req
40. Mack, this is my husband, Hank.Copy !req
41. He's the one
who almost killed us.Copy !req
42. Uh-huh.Copy !req
43. I said the same thing.Copy !req
44. Mmm. Interesting.Copy !req
45. I find it interestingCopy !req
46. that you tapped the pipe
with a three-quarter wrenchCopy !req
47. instead of a five-eighth,
but to each his own.Copy !req
48. I guess.Copy !req
49. Mr. Hill, did you know that I've
been repairing water heatersCopy !req
50. and water heater accessories
for over 20 years?Copy !req
51. What a coincidence.Copy !req
52. I've been selling propane
and propane accessoriesCopy !req
53. for over 20 years.Copy !req
54. I bet we both seen a lot
of crazy things in our day, huh?Copy !req
55. Boy, I know what you mean.Copy !req
56. I had this fella one time...
nice fella, a chiropractor...Copy !req
57. He tried to use
first-stage plastic tubingCopy !req
58. for a second-stage regulator.Copy !req
59. I bet I can top that!Copy !req
60. I know a guy, installed
a brand-new water heaterCopy !req
61. without checking
the old Gumson seals.Copy !req
62. Next thing he knew,
he woke up on his own front lawnCopy !req
63. after his neighbor dragged him
to safety.Copy !req
64. Nice fella, propane salesman.Copy !req
65. What?Copy !req
66. Are you referring to me?Copy !req
67. Was that a shot?Copy !req
68. That was a shot, wasn't it?Copy !req
69. Look, I need to remove
a section of the drywallCopy !req
70. to get to the pipes
for further inspection.Copy !req
71. I got to get my Dry VacCopy !req
72. before that dust gets
into the vents.Copy !req
73. Hey, girl.Copy !req
74. Hello. I'm Bobby.Copy !req
75. Are you here to fix
the gas leak?Copy !req
76. Hey, Bobby, I think
your dog hates me.Copy !req
77. I don't know why
you'd think that.Copy !req
78. I've never seen her smile
at anyone before.Copy !req
79. I got a dog at homeCopy !req
80. and I know when a dogCopy !req
81. has ill intent in his heartCopy !req
82. and that dog's looking at meCopy !req
83. like I'm a pair of
meat-bone slippers.Copy !req
84. "Meat-bone slippers."Copy !req
85. I'm going to get a pen
to write that down.Copy !req
86. Don't say anything
while I'm gone.Copy !req
87. Man, Mr. Walker is so funny.Copy !req
88. He's got this great routine
about how Lady Bird wants toCopy !req
89. "Rip out my throat."Copy !req
90. He asked me to hit her
in the head with a brick.Copy !req
91. What in the hell is funny
about that?Copy !req
92. Maybe Bobby didn't
tell it right.Copy !req
93. What's up, girl?Copy !req
94. Huh, that's strange.Copy !req
95. Mr. Walker, you in there?Copy !req
96. Yes, I'm in here.Copy !req
97. The door seems to be locked,Copy !req
98. but there's not lock
on this door.Copy !req
99. I tied it off with a cord.Copy !req
100. Look, I... I still have
the right to observe your work.Copy !req
101. I just want to
finish up the jobCopy !req
102. without getting
bit by your dog.Copy !req
103. My dog would never bite you.Copy !req
104. Well, she hasn't
stopped growling at meCopy !req
105. since I got here.Copy !req
106. Right there!Copy !req
107. See! She's giving me
the evil eye.Copy !req
108. She's a hell hound.Copy !req
109. That's not true.Copy !req
110. You know what she loves?Copy !req
111. She loves to have her belly
rubbed.Copy !req
112. And I love the use
of all of my fingers.Copy !req
113. Come on, give her a rub.
She's sweet.Copy !req
114. Okay.Copy !req
115. Hold her tight.Copy !req
116. I got her.Copy !req
117. See there, she likes you.Copy !req
118. Tell her she's a good doggie.Copy !req
119. Good... doggie.Copy !req
120. Yes, you are.Copy !req
121. Yes, you are.Copy !req
122. Lady Bird, what's wrong with you?Copy !req
123. I'll tell you
what's wrong with her.Copy !req
124. She's full of hate.
Black hate!Copy !req
125. That is preposterous.Copy !req
126. What is with all the barking?Copy !req
127. Mr. Walker
is upsetting Lady Bird.Copy !req
128. I'm upsetting her
because I'm a black man.Copy !req
129. That is a lie!Copy !req
130. You're just nervous,
which is making her nervous.Copy !req
131. Hank, get that dog out of here!Copy !req
132. But, Peggy, he...Copy !req
133. Now, Hank!Copy !req
134. Mack, I apologize
for my husband.Copy !req
135. He's always had
an unhealthy relationshipCopy !req
136. with that dog.Copy !req
137. Listen, we're making hamburgers
on the grillCopy !req
138. and I insist that you join us
for lunch.Copy !req
139. I hope you like ketchup.Copy !req
140. Can you believe that guy?Copy !req
141. First he kicks me off
my own water heaterCopy !req
142. then he has the nerve
to call Lady Bird prejudiced.Copy !req
143. Yeah, man, talking
about ol' Lady Bird, man.Copy !req
144. Like dang ol' disposition
of dove, man.Copy !req
145. Coo, ooh, ooh, ooh.Copy !req
146. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
147. Yeah, Lady Bird's so niceCopy !req
148. she'd let someone eat out
of her own bowl.Copy !req
149. No matter how drunk they were.Copy !req
150. Of course, I'm white.Copy !req
151. Thank you for
having me for lunch.Copy !req
152. Everything looks delicious.Copy !req
153. Well, thank you, Mack.Copy !req
154. It is.Copy !req
155. You know, Mr. Walker,Copy !req
156. Lady Bird never acts the way
she did this morning.Copy !req
157. I honestly don't know
what got into her.Copy !req
158. I guess she was still feeling
the effectsCopy !req
159. of nearly being gassed
to death last night.Copy !req
160. Pickle?Copy !req
161. Mr. Hill, I admit,Copy !req
162. maybe I threw the race card
at your dog a little too fast.Copy !req
163. But I swear I thought she was going
to throw a few teeth my way.Copy !req
164. "Teeth my way."Copy !req
165. Brilliant.Copy !req
166. Well, I don't know muchCopy !req
167. about these kind of things,
Mr. Walker.Copy !req
168. But I do know that a manCopy !req
169. should not be judged
by the color of his skinCopy !req
170. but by the actions of his heart,
I tell you what.Copy !req
171. Amen!Copy !req
172. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Copy !req
173. This is flavorful.Copy !req
174. I wish my wife knew her way
around a burger.Copy !req
175. Well, let me get
you another one.Copy !req
176. All right, but
if my wife calls,Copy !req
177. tell her I just had one.Copy !req
178. Did you hear that?Copy !req
179. He's henpecked.Copy !req
180. You can't turn this guy off.Copy !req
181. Call her off!Copy !req
182. Good doggie! Good doggie!Copy !req
183. Ow!Copy !req
184. Bad doggie!Copy !req
185. Lady Bird, no!Copy !req
186. Well, I-I don't think
she broke the skin,Copy !req
187. but better safe than sorry.Copy !req
188. Mr. Walker, I accept
full responsibilityCopy !req
189. for Lady Bird's actions,Copy !req
190. but you've got to believe me,
she is not prejudiced.Copy !req
191. I know she's not prejudiced.Copy !req
192. She's racist.Copy !req
193. No, she's not.Copy !req
194. She's just getting oldCopy !req
195. and she must have developed
an acute fear of strangers.Copy !req
196. Hey, Dad,Copy !req
197. the mailman is here.Copy !req
198. Hello, you must be Mr. Hill.Copy !req
199. I'm your new mailman.Copy !req
200. Mr. Peters retired yesterday
after 25 years.Copy !req
201. Boy, that was some party.Copy !req
202. Get your dog a chew toy.
I quit!Copy !req
203. See you in church!Copy !req
204. Yep.Copy !req
205. Yep.Copy !req
206. Mmm... yep.Copy !req
207. My dog is a racist.Copy !req
208. She bit that repairman
who happens to be black.Copy !req
209. Haven't black people
been through enough?Copy !req
210. Yeah, man, talkin' about
all man created equal, man.Copy !req
211. Just like dang ol' pursuit
of happiness, too, man.Copy !req
212. There's only two ways
to handle it, Hank.Copy !req
213. You either shoot her between
the eyes Old Yeller style,Copy !req
214. or you sneak up from behindCopy !req
215. and get her in the
back of the head.Copy !req
216. Either way, it'll
cost you ten bucks.Copy !req
217. I'll choke her for five
and you can keep the head!Copy !req
218. Well, I'll tell you right nowCopy !req
219. we cannot have that
dog running amuck,Copy !req
220. biting every black
person she sees.Copy !req
221. It makes us look like
ignorant rednecks.Copy !req
222. Oh, and it's bad for
black people, too.Copy !req
223. Where did we go wrong, Peggy?Copy !req
224. Bobby, I know you're,
uh, knowledgeableCopy !req
225. of the black videos
and whatnot.Copy !req
226. And right now I need you
to use your love of, uh,Copy !req
227. Puffy and Diddy and Snoopy
to help me.Copy !req
228. Is it about Lady Bird?Copy !req
229. Yes. Yes, it is.Copy !req
230. Now, Dad,Copy !req
231. you keep petting her
and feeding her treatsCopy !req
232. while Lady Bird
just takes it all in.Copy !req
233. Check out his bling-bling.Copy !req
234. There, there, girl.Copy !req
235. Just flow with the nice music
and bling-bling.Copy !req
236. Lady Bird, no!Copy !req
237. Give them a chance.Copy !req
238. Hurry, they're about to have
the pool party!Copy !req
239. Lady Bird, don't you get it?Copy !req
240. A man should not be judgedCopy !req
241. by the color of his skin,
but by...Copy !req
242. but by the actions of his heart!Copy !req
243. Mmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
244. Well, hello, Mrs. Stogner.Copy !req
245. How is LuLu doing with
the pillow chewing?Copy !req
246. That bitter apple spray
you suggested worked wonders.Copy !req
247. Excellent.Copy !req
248. Let me guess what this
little lady's problem is?Copy !req
249. She looks like a barker to me,
huh?Copy !req
250. Bet she keeps the neighbors up
all night. Am I right?Copy !req
251. No.Copy !req
252. She doesn't bark; she bites.Copy !req
253. This sweet dog bites people?Copy !req
254. I don't believe it.Copy !req
255. Uh, actually,
she only bites, uh...Copy !req
256. Black people.Copy !req
257. I didn't know she was
a prejudiced pupCopy !req
258. when I picked her
from the litter.Copy !req
259. She just looked so darn cute.Copy !req
260. Well, that is ridiculous.Copy !req
261. I can assure you
that your dog is not racist.Copy !req
262. Oh, thank God.Copy !req
263. You see, dogs only followCopy !req
264. subconscious cues
from their owners.Copy !req
265. Well, what does that mean?Copy !req
266. That means that you are the one
who is racist, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
267. Oh, and by the way,Copy !req
268. my girlfriend
is African American.Copy !req
269. You sicken me.Copy !req
270. What's up, Hank?Copy !req
271. Not much.Copy !req
272. Hey, Roger, I didn't realize
that was you.Copy !req
273. How are you doing?Copy !req
274. Could I get you
a cup of coffee?Copy !req
275. I just poured one.Copy !req
276. Have you seen the cream?Copy !req
277. There you go, Roger.Copy !req
278. Some cream for your coffee.Copy !req
279. Whoa! That's enough, Hank.Copy !req
280. Is something bothering you?Copy !req
281. Well, to be honest, Roger,Copy !req
282. I was accused
of being a racist.Copy !req
283. Hank Hill a racist?Copy !req
284. But you got me my job here.Copy !req
285. Wait. The guy who called you
that, was he wearing a bow tie?Copy !req
286. It's not a pretty thing
to be accused ofCopy !req
287. I tell you what.Copy !req
288. You're really shook up
about this.Copy !req
289. Look, I know
you're not like that.Copy !req
290. But if it'll make you
feel better,Copy !req
291. you should take
this Internet testCopy !req
292. my brother-in-law
made us takeCopy !req
293. last Thanksgiving.Copy !req
294. It's a good test.Copy !req
295. Said I was "racially unbiased"
and I love gay people.Copy !req
296. I didn't see that one coming,
but I'm happy.Copy !req
297. Roger, show me this test.Copy !req
298. Faster, Hank!Copy !req
299. If you don't finish
within the time limit,Copy !req
300. it voids the test!Copy !req
301. But I don't remember
what keys to press.Copy !req
302. Does the letter "E"
stand for white or black?Copy !req
303. And what's "I"?Copy !req
304. Is it good or bad?Copy !req
305. I don't know.Copy !req
306. Just push one!Copy !req
307. You don't have time
to think about it.Copy !req
308. That's how the test works.Copy !req
309. It's on a subconscious level.Copy !req
310. Go, go, go!Copy !req
311. This thing is so...Copy !req
312. Hey, guys.Copy !req
313. What's going on?Copy !req
314. Hank's taking the racist test.Copy !req
315. Oh, wow.
Is he a racist?Copy !req
316. We don't know yet.Copy !req
317. I'm trying to concentrate.Copy !req
318. Yeah, what are you,
some kind of racist?Copy !req
319. You're almost there, buddy.Copy !req
320. Quiet.Copy !req
321. This test has to be
some kind of a joke.Copy !req
322. I mean how can it determine
if you're racist or not?Copy !req
323. Almost done.Copy !req
324. Just a couple more.Copy !req
325. There, you're finished.Copy !req
326. Now we just wait
while it tallies up your score.Copy !req
327. Well, I don't thinkCopy !req
328. you can really go by something
like this.Copy !req
329. I'm sure it's more of a game.Copy !req
330. You know, for fun.Copy !req
331. "Your test results show
that you strongly preferCopy !req
332. the company of white people."Copy !req
333. What?Copy !req
334. Wow, and the "strongly"
is flashing.Copy !req
335. Ugh! Man!Copy !req
336. This test is 100% incorrect.Copy !req
337. I do not prefer
white people over...Copy !req
338. others.Copy !req
339. Roger, tell 'em.Copy !req
340. I poured you cream!Copy !req
341. Monday's the earliest
I could schedule a repairmanCopy !req
342. to fix the water heater.Copy !req
343. But I boiled up some water
for a sponge bathCopy !req
344. and had enough left over
for a cup of teaCopy !req
345. a cup of soup
and a boiled egg.Copy !req
346. Fine.Copy !req
347. What's wrong?Copy !req
348. You can have the egg.Copy !req
349. I took this stupid
racial preference testCopy !req
350. on the Internet today
in front of the whole officeCopy !req
351. and failed miserably.Copy !req
352. The results claim
that I only like white people.Copy !req
353. A test?Copy !req
354. Come on, faster, Peggy.
You're nearly done.Copy !req
355. Don't rush me!Copy !req
356. I can't even remember
what keys to push here.Copy !req
357. See? I told you
it was stupid.Copy !req
358. There's no way this test
can determine anything.Copy !req
359. I can't even believe
I'm taking it.Copy !req
360. There. There,
you've finished.Copy !req
361. Now it adds up
your crazy score.Copy !req
362. You know, I don't even care
what it saysCopy !req
363. because this test
is absolutely stu...Copy !req
364. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
365. Strongly prefer
the company of black people?Copy !req
366. Well, you can't argue
with results, Hank.Copy !req
367. Quite honestly,
I think it's a pretty good test.Copy !req
368. Honey, check to see
if there's paper in the printer.Copy !req
369. I want to make a copy.Copy !req
370. Please be seated.Copy !req
371. For today's sermon, I'd like all
the children of the flockCopy !req
372. to gather up front.Copy !req
373. You sicken me.Copy !req
374. Can anyone tell meCopy !req
375. what color this is?Copy !req
376. White.Copy !req
377. How about this one?Copy !req
378. Black.Copy !req
379. Very good.Copy !req
380. Did you know that God created
all the colorsCopy !req
381. and loves them all equally?Copy !req
382. That's why he puts them
in the same box.Copy !req
383. Unfortunately, there are some
people in the worldCopy !req
384. who would prefer to keep white
crayons in their own boxCopy !req
385. separate from the other crayons.Copy !req
386. Hank, Reverend Stroup
loaned us a toolCopy !req
387. to help with our burden.Copy !req
388. And by virtue of my desire
to be around black people,Copy !req
389. I will help guide you
on the road to recovery.Copy !req
390. What am I supposed
to do with these?Copy !req
391. They're racial tolerance dolls.Copy !req
392. You practice interacting
with them.Copy !req
393. I will not play with dolls.Copy !req
394. Do you want me to tell
Reverend StroupCopy !req
395. you wouldn't even try?Copy !req
396. What do I have to do?Copy !req
397. The first step
to recovery is to admitCopy !req
398. that you have a problem
with black people.Copy !req
399. But I don't.Copy !req
400. A man should not be judged
by the color of his skin,Copy !req
401. but by the actions...Copy !req
402. Admit it!Copy !req
403. Sorry, Hank,
but it's part of the treatment.Copy !req
404. Now admit it!Copy !req
405. If you found those dolls
in my room,Copy !req
406. I swear I've never seen them
before.Copy !req
407. Relax, Bobby.
They belong to your father.Copy !req
408. Dad plays with dolls?Copy !req
409. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
410. No, I'm not playing
with dolls.Copy !req
411. I'm, uh,
interacting with them.Copy !req
412. Oh. Can I interact
with the dolls, too?Copy !req
413. Sure, son, let's
interact together.Copy !req
414. Hello, have you seenCopy !req
415. a big fluffy kitty
running around here?Copy !req
416. What's your kitten's name?Copy !req
417. We call her Whiskers,Copy !req
418. but she'll answer
to Kee-Kee.Copy !req
419. Here, Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee.Copy !req
420. Uh, come on, Kee-Kee.Copy !req
421. Where are you?Copy !req
422. I'll get it.Copy !req
423. You two just keep on
looking for that cat.Copy !req
424. Maybe your cat
is under the table.Copy !req
425. Here, Kee-Kee.Copy !req
426. Lady Bird, no! Wait!Copy !req
427. Lady Bird, drop it!Copy !req
428. Dear Lord, we have formed
a prayer circleCopy !req
429. to pray
for Hank Hill's racist heart.Copy !req
430. Just down the hallway
on your right.Copy !req
431. So, you got yourself
a leak, do you?Copy !req
432. Well, don't you worry.Copy !req
433. I'll fix her good as new.Copy !req
434. Uh, you might want to...Copy !req
435. I got a magnetic screwdriver
you can use.Copy !req
436. You're dropping the screws
on the floor.Copy !req
437. You're going to lose them.Copy !req
438. Look, you called me
because you needed my help,Copy !req
439. so if you'll just let me
do the job.Copy !req
440. What's wrong, Lady Bird?Copy !req
441. Get your dog off of me!Copy !req
442. Lady Bird, stop!Copy !req
443. What in the world?Copy !req
444. I don't know what got into her.Copy !req
445. She just started biting
this... white guy.Copy !req
446. This dog is crazy!Copy !req
447. Getaway! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
448. Lady Bird's biting
a white guy.Copy !req
449. A white guy, Peggy.Copy !req
450. That dog trainer was right.Copy !req
451. Lady Bird did pick up
on my subconscious cues.Copy !req
452. But I don't hate black people.Copy !req
453. I hate repairmen.Copy !req
454. Hey, hey!Copy !req
455. You were upset that you
couldn't fix the heaterCopy !req
456. and so that's why Lady Bird
attacked Mack.Copy !req
457. Is Reverend Stroup still here?Copy !req
458. She's got to see this.Copy !req
459. Let's go get her
before they start another song.Copy !req
460. Wait! Don't leave me! Help!Copy !req
461. Coming.Copy !req
462. Hello?Copy !req
463. Good Lord!Copy !req
464. Mr. Walker,
please open the door.Copy !req
465. The Klan meeting's been movedCopy !req
466. to The Pancake House.Copy !req
467. Please, I can explain
everything.Copy !req
468. I assure you
Lady Bird will not bite you.Copy !req
469. Yeah, I've heard
that one before.Copy !req
470. You don't understand.Copy !req
471. Lady Bird didn't bite you
'cause you're black.Copy !req
472. She sensed that it
really bothered meCopy !req
473. having someone work
on my water heater.Copy !req
474. Really?Copy !req
475. Yeah. She just bit
another repairman.Copy !req
476. A white guy. I checked.Copy !req
477. And he's Scotch-Irish
all the way back.Copy !req
478. I swear to you on my 20 yearsCopy !req
479. of selling propane
and propane accessoriesCopy !req
480. that my dog and I
are not racist.Copy !req
481. See there?
She does like you.Copy !req
482. Aw, you're a good doggy,
aren't you?Copy !req
483. Yes, you are.Copy !req
484. Yes, she is.Copy !req
485. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
486. Here, Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee.Copy !req