1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. Hey, Peggy Hill.Copy !req
3. Thanks for inviting us
to barbecue.Copy !req
4. Not to be rude, but is
this name brand soda?Copy !req
5. It taste kind of skunky.Copy !req
6. Well, of course it's name brand.Copy !req
7. It's MegaloMart Private Select.Copy !req
8. Idiots.Copy !req
9. Are the hot dogs ready?Copy !req
10. I got a movie to catch
in 12 minutes.Copy !req
11. You're leaving?Copy !req
12. Aw, this is a couples' event.Copy !req
13. And there's this movie
I'm dying to see.Copy !req
14. This one's got a Culkin
and a Baldwin in it.Copy !req
15. Well, the dogs will be done
in a few seconds.Copy !req
16. Oop, they're plumping.Copy !req
17. Hey, I was going to sit there.Copy !req
18. Sorry.Copy !req
19. You said you were going
to sit there.Copy !req
20. Eventually.Copy !req
21. Okay, everybody, dogs are up.Copy !req
22. Now Bill's in a rush,
so he gets first crack.Copy !req
23. I'll be speedy.Copy !req
24. Okay, we've got ketchup, mustard,
relish over there...Copy !req
25. Sweet Jesus.Copy !req
26. Whoa, look at him go!Copy !req
27. Bill! Bill!
Those dogs are for everyone.Copy !req
28. That should do it.Copy !req
29. Wow.Copy !req
30. If there were 13 more dogs
on that platterCopy !req
31. Mr. Dauterive would be in the
Guinness Book of World Records.Copy !req
32. And did you see how
excited Bobby wasCopy !req
33. about that hot dog
eating record?Copy !req
34. If he ever puts together
fame and eating...Copy !req
35. Well, he
might end up like, uh...Copy !req
36. What was the name of that
large comedian who died?Copy !req
37. But it's nice for BillCopy !req
38. to finally have something
he's good at.Copy !req
39. Might give him a reason
to live, and what not.Copy !req
40. What Bill needs is
a healthy relationship.Copy !req
41. Look how I turned
your life around.Copy !req
42. Now...Copy !req
43. Guess what?
I finally got a womanCopy !req
44. to agree to go out with him.Copy !req
45. My God, you're kidding.
Who?Copy !req
46. Sunny Edmunds,
the new librarian.Copy !req
47. The perky one?Copy !req
48. No, the one who
won't make change.Copy !req
49. Did you try the perky one?Copy !req
50. Yes, I did, and it took the
perk right out of her.Copy !req
51. Yep.Copy !req
52. Bill, what the hell was up
with you and the hot dogs?Copy !req
53. That was
the most disgusting thingCopy !req
54. I've ever seen in my life
or on the Internet.Copy !req
55. I'm sorry. I was in a hurry.Copy !req
56. The movie sucked.Copy !req
57. We had to wait
a whole three minutesCopy !req
58. for Hank to throw on more dogs.Copy !req
59. Does your selfish gluttony
know no end?Copy !req
60. No.Copy !req
61. Now wait a minute, Bill.Copy !req
62. Eating 12 hot dogs in a minute
is kind of a... well, a talent.Copy !req
63. Huh. I hadn't thought
of it that way.Copy !req
64. Nice, Hank.Copy !req
65. Do you want him to be
this lonely pant loadCopy !req
66. for the rest of his life?Copy !req
67. As a matter of fact,
Peggy's got a galCopy !req
68. who agreed to go out
on a date with Bill.Copy !req
69. That's right, an actual woman.Copy !req
70. No!Copy !req
71. Yep. Dinner.
Tomorrow night.Copy !req
72. Maybe you could figure outCopy !req
73. what's causing that, uh,
god-awful smell in your car.Copy !req
74. That was a frog.Copy !req
75. I guess I'll get rid of it.Copy !req
76. I almost forgot.Copy !req
77. At dinner, do not order chicken.Copy !req
78. Sunny is terrified of birds.Copy !req
79. Roger that.Copy !req
80. By the way, I took the liberty of
changing our dinner reservationsCopy !req
81. to Pea Soup Swenson's.Copy !req
82. I can show off my talent,
as you say.Copy !req
83. If you eat ten bowls of soupCopy !req
84. everyone at your table
eats free.Copy !req
85. Seven!Copy !req
86. Aah...Copy !req
87. Sunny, you can order yourselfCopy !req
88. another whiskey sour.Copy !req
89. It's all going to
be on the houseCopy !req
90. 'cause I am a
soup-eating machine.Copy !req
91. You promised me
a fat George Clooney.Copy !req
92. This is not
a fat George Clooney.Copy !req
93. Nine!Copy !req
94. Did Sunny go to the bathroom?Copy !req
95. I think I'm wowing her.Copy !req
96. She left, Bill.Copy !req
97. Did she see a bird?Copy !req
98. You disgusted her.Copy !req
99. Mmm, I like the
way you eat soup.Copy !req
100. Are you making fun of me?Copy !req
101. If you are, it's okay,
I just like to know.Copy !req
102. Hell, no.Copy !req
103. I follow the sportCopy !req
104. of competitive eating
very closely.Copy !req
105. But I've never seen you before.Copy !req
106. Cyndi Beauchamp. Fan.Copy !req
107. Bill Dauterive.Copy !req
108. What do you mean by sport?Copy !req
109. I figured you were some
dark horse chow hogCopy !req
110. in town for the hot dog
eating championship.Copy !req
111. Haven't you ever
heard of the IFOCE?Copy !req
112. The International Federation
of Competitive Eating?Copy !req
113. Okay, you are making fun of him.Copy !req
114. We get the joke, ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
115. Now move along, lady.Copy !req
116. The IFOCE is the real deal.Copy !req
117. They're like the NFL
of competitive eating.Copy !req
118. You know, Bill,
tomorrow night Dan Vasti...Copy !req
119. one of the greats
in the sport...Copy !req
120. is having a party
over in McMaynerbury.Copy !req
121. You should come.
Meet the other eaters.Copy !req
122. Hmm, I never say no
to a party in McMaynerbury.Copy !req
123. I have a feeling about you.Copy !req
124. And I have slept with
enough competitive eatersCopy !req
125. to know greatness when I see it.Copy !req
126. Thanks.Copy !req
127. All right,
they've got pepper jack.Copy !req
128. Mmm. Oh, that's good shrimp.Copy !req
129. Hey. Easy on the shrimp.Copy !req
130. Save it for game day, slugger.Copy !req
131. It's a real rookie mistake to
get your grub on at a party.Copy !req
132. I'm sorry. This is my first
organized eating function.Copy !req
133. It's cool.Copy !req
134. It's just if everyone here
decided to throw downCopy !req
135. I'd go broke.Copy !req
136. Dan Vasti.Copy !req
137. Bill Dauterive.Copy !req
138. Oh!Copy !req
139. You're the new gurgitator
Cyndi was telling me about.Copy !req
140. I noticed you breathe
through your nose...Copy !req
141. that's a good start.Copy !req
142. Boy, look at the size
of that trophy.Copy !req
143. Won that baby in Munich.Copy !req
144. Bratwurst.Copy !req
145. And those are
my three consecutiveCopy !req
146. Mustard Yellow belts.Copy !req
147. I was going for four
and then... this.Copy !req
148. Massive heart attack.Copy !req
149. Triple bypass, 85 stitches,
goat valve.Copy !req
150. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
151. It's okay.Copy !req
152. I'm taking care of myself now.Copy !req
153. Red wine.Copy !req
154. You know, Bill,
the last big AmericanCopy !req
155. to win the Mustard Yellow belt
was Steve Keiner in '99.Copy !req
156. Since then,
all the hot dog competitionsCopy !req
157. have been won
by skinny Japanese guys.Copy !req
158. But I still
believe in the big man.Copy !req
159. Wait a minute.Copy !req
160. America isn't
the hot dog champion?Copy !req
161. Well, how could you
let that happen?Copy !req
162. This whole nation
is stuffing its face.Copy !req
163. Can't one of us do it
at record speed?Copy !req
164. Yeah, it's unfreakin'
acceptable, man.Copy !req
165. Time for America to get cocky.Copy !req
166. Amen, brother.Copy !req
167. Aah-aah-aah!Copy !req
168. Hank Hill, Bill Dauterive,
this is Kid Rock...Copy !req
169. competitive eating's
fan-o numero uno.Copy !req
170. Hell, yeah!Copy !req
171. Huh, I once canceled
a 12-city European tourCopy !req
172. to watch this grub gobbler
chow dog.Copy !req
173. Hey, Rock, check out Nozawa
between the two big blondes.Copy !req
174. Takeru Nozawa.Copy !req
175. The reigning champ.Copy !req
176. Eats leftCopy !req
177. drinks right.Copy !req
178. 110 pounds of pure stomach.Copy !req
179. 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes.Copy !req
180. Not one-five.Copy !req
181. Five-oh!Copy !req
182. Whoa.Copy !req
183. Hank Hill.Copy !req
184. Ken Irrawaddy.Copy !req
185. So, are you an eater?Copy !req
186. Yeah.
Laotian noodle champion.Copy !req
187. I'm branching out into hot dogs.Copy !req
188. No kidding.Copy !req
189. My neighbor's Laotian.Copy !req
190. You know a guy named Kahn?Copy !req
191. You're going to wear the belt
one day, baby.Copy !req
192. Hey, Cyndi.Copy !req
193. Nozawa.Copy !req
194. When are you going to drop
these fat American losersCopy !req
195. and get with number one?Copy !req
196. Hey.Copy !req
197. You'd look damn sexyCopy !req
198. wearing nothing but my Mustard
Yellow Championship belt.Copy !req
199. You know, I think
your Mustard Yellow beltCopy !req
200. is going to look pretty good
around my fat American gut.Copy !req
201. Baby, you're not ready yet...
not for Nozawa.Copy !req
202. Who are you?Copy !req
203. I'm Big Bill Dauterive.Copy !req
204. Come next weekend, I'm going
to eat the hell out of you!Copy !req
205. Hah! Chump!Copy !req
206. You don't know who
you're messing with!Copy !req
207. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
208. I'll tell you who you're messing
with... the USA!Copy !req
209. USA! USA!Copy !req
210. USA!Copy !req
211. USA! USA!Copy !req
212. USA! USA!Copy !req
213. Breathe and swallow, Bill!Copy !req
214. Breath and swallow!Copy !req
215. Come on, you're
eating for America!Copy !req
216. I don't get it.Copy !req
217. Are you training him
to be an athleteCopy !req
218. or a colossal fat-ass?Copy !req
219. Dang it, Dale.Copy !req
220. When did you get to be
such a Negative Nellie?Copy !req
221. Why don't you try being
a Positive Pete?Copy !req
222. Oh, you poor, deluded redneck.Copy !req
223. You actually think you can eat
more hot dogs than Nozawa? Hah!Copy !req
224. Personally, my money
on Ken Irrawaddy...Copy !req
225. "The Laotian Commotion."Copy !req
226. He the Michael Jordan of Laos.Copy !req
227. Keep going, Bill.Copy !req
228. You've got to be able
to focus with distractionsCopy !req
229. no matter how annoying they are.Copy !req
230. Guess you haven't heard
of "Belt of Fat theory!"Copy !req
231. Belt of fat?Copy !req
232. That why fat guys can't keep up
with us skinny Asians.Copy !req
233. Your stomachs are trapped
in belt of fat.Copy !req
234. Got no room to stretch.Copy !req
235. Irrawaddy not only skinny
and flexibleCopy !req
236. rumor has it
he got two stomachs.Copy !req
237. Huh. I met him at a partyCopy !req
238. and his stomach seemed
perfectly normal.Copy !req
239. You met Irrawaddy?Copy !req
240. Was he wearing the scarf
I knit for him?Copy !req
241. Mom.Copy !req
242. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Copy !req
243. Yes, what?Copy !req
244. Look what I made for Dad in
shop class... a bird feeder.Copy !req
245. Or a shoe box.
I'll let him decide.Copy !req
246. Throw down those dogs!Copy !req
247. Hey, what's
Mr. Dauterive doing?Copy !req
248. Whatever it isCopy !req
249. it sure is making him popular.Copy !req
250. Is he... eating?Copy !req
251. Let me see that.Copy !req
252. What did you do?Copy !req
253. Obviously you need to
work on your adhesives.Copy !req
254. I wouldn't show this
to your father just yet.Copy !req
255. But-but good try.Copy !req
256. Okay, now, you just need to rankCopy !req
257. in the top five to qualify.Copy !req
258. So you don't have to dazzle,
you just have to place.Copy !req
259. Remember, Honey Bear,
it's not Roman rulesCopy !req
260. so whatever you do, don't vomit.Copy !req
261. You keep those doggies
in your tummyCopy !req
262. and Cyndi will give
you the nummy-nummy.Copy !req
263. Next up, Nozawa
versus Ken Irrawaddy!Copy !req
264. Irrawaddy! Irrawaddy!Copy !req
265. Komy yak kin kow laoew!Copy !req
266. He nod at me! He nod at me!Copy !req
267. Mmm, they're pretty fast.Copy !req
268. But here's the Dauterive'sCopy !req
269. Start off slow,
build the momentumCopy !req
270. and then kick hard
to the finish line.Copy !req
271. Those dogs are going down.Copy !req
272. Yeah, baby!Copy !req
273. Yeah, strap on the feed bag,
you tragic behemoth.Copy !req
274. How many dogs will it take
to make you feel whole inside?Copy !req
275. Shut up, Dale!Copy !req
276. This man is eating
for his country, Dale.Copy !req
277. What you're doing is treason.Copy !req
278. Nazawa's down.Copy !req
279. Ooh!Copy !req
280. I've hear that sound before.Copy !req
281. Hello, colostomy bag.Copy !req
282. Laos rules!Copy !req
283. All fall before the
might of Irrawaddy!Copy !req
284. 25-and-a-quarter.Copy !req
285. Irrawaddy is now
leading the pack.Copy !req
286. Last contestant:
Dauterive.Copy !req
287. You're soloing.Copy !req
288. Come on, baby, focus.Copy !req
289. It's go time.Copy !req
290. Hail the conquering fat-ass!Copy !req
291. A lonely pig gorging himselfCopy !req
292. on the lips and anuses
of his brothers.Copy !req
293. Dale, why don't you shutCopy !req
294. your skinny little
no-hot-dog-eating mouth?Copy !req
295. You know, I figured out
what your problem is.Copy !req
296. Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
297. I think you're a little jealous
of the Dauterive.Copy !req
298. Jealous?Copy !req
299. On your mark...Copy !req
300. get set...Copy !req
301. go!Copy !req
302. Jealous of this?Copy !req
303. Any idiot can eat hot dogs.Copy !req
304. It's not a talent.Copy !req
305. Look, I'll go two at a time.Copy !req
306. See? It's nothing special.Copy !req
307. I can eat three at a time.
Who cares?Copy !req
308. He's tri-doggin'!Copy !req
309. Come on, Bill.Copy !req
310. Wolf it!Copy !req
311. 22-and-a-half.Copy !req
312. New guy:
34-and-an-eighth!Copy !req
313. Congratulations, gentlemen.Copy !req
314. You both qualify.Copy !req
315. What's your name, gladiator?Copy !req
316. Dale Gribble.Copy !req
317. Gribble! Gribble! USA!Copy !req
318. Gribble! Gribble! USA!Copy !req
319. Dude, will you sign my face?Copy !req
320. Huh?Copy !req
321. What about the Dauterive?Copy !req
322. Why? Tell me...Copy !req
323. why give me a great gift,
only to snatch it away?Copy !req
324. What did I do, huh?Copy !req
325. D-Did I ask for too much?Copy !req
326. Did I fly too close to the sun
on my beautiful hot dog wings?Copy !req
327. Why do you like Dale better?Copy !req
328. I hate you!Copy !req
329. I'm so sorry,
I didn't mean that.Copy !req
330. Please, help me eat
more hot dogs than Dale!Copy !req
331. Please!Copy !req
332. Boy, I still
can't get over Dale.Copy !req
333. What a dogger.Copy !req
334. That little alley of
yours is turning intoCopy !req
335. quite a freak show.Copy !req
336. What do I do now?Copy !req
337. Ah, dang it, Bill.Copy !req
338. I've got to go
with the winner tomorrow.Copy !req
339. This country's honor
is at stake.Copy !req
340. Well, I do not know
how much longerCopy !req
341. I can keep Bobby away.Copy !req
342. Today he heard Bill training,
so I stabbed my thumbCopy !req
343. with a ballpoint pen
to distract him.Copy !req
344. Good work.
Thank you.Copy !req
345. I think it's infected.Copy !req
346. So, have you gotten a chance
to read my short story?Copy !req
347. I kinda had, uh...
had some stuff to me.Copy !req
348. Fresh-baked muffins,
anyone?Copy !req
349. You know I love muffins.Copy !req
350. Got any cranberry banana
macadamia nut?Copy !req
351. Actually, that's all I've got.Copy !req
352. Oh. When it comes to muffins,
I can't help myself.Copy !req
353. I'm a muffaholic.Copy !req
354. Mmm!Copy !req
355. Hey, Hank, Bill bakedCopy !req
356. fresh cranberry banana
macadamia nut muffins.Copy !req
357. Bill, Boomhauer's
allergic to macadamiasCopy !req
358. and you know
I don't eat cranberries.Copy !req
359. We've had this
conversation before.Copy !req
360. Wait a minute.Copy !req
361. My muffin!Copy !req
362. Dang it, don't you see
what he's doing?Copy !req
363. He's filling you upCopy !req
364. so you won't be able
to compete today.Copy !req
365. That is
an outrageous accusation!Copy !req
366. You're sabotaging your friend
and your country.Copy !req
367. You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.Copy !req
368. Yeah, but... um... oh!Copy !req
369. I'm sorry!Copy !req
370. But what am I supposed to do?Copy !req
371. I want to bring homeCopy !req
372. the Mustard Yellow Belt
to America!Copy !req
373. Me! The Dauterive!Copy !req
374. Oh, for God sakes, Bill.Copy !req
375. I wasn't even planning on going
to the competition.Copy !req
376. Dale...Copy !req
377. Lady liberty is a proud woman.Copy !req
378. She doesn't like
to ask her boys for helpCopy !req
379. but when she does blow
the horn of freedomCopy !req
380. I tell you, mister...Copy !req
381. I'm sorry, Hank, but I'm
not joining that freak show.Copy !req
382. How can you say that?Copy !req
383. Because I'm a freak!Copy !req
384. I know!Copy !req
385. I've been there,
and I don't want to go back!Copy !req
386. 'Sright.Copy !req
387. It was the fifth grade.Copy !req
388. I had a touch
of the social anxiety disorderCopy !req
389. and medication
was not readily availableCopy !req
390. or indeed invented yet.Copy !req
391. I had a hard time making
connections with people.Copy !req
392. Did you see that?Copy !req
393. Yuck! That
guy ate a bug!Copy !req
394. Eww!Copy !req
395. Do it again.Copy !req
396. By the next week, I
was putting on shows at recess.Copy !req
397. Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!Copy !req
398. I was an eating machine...
crickets, spidersCopy !req
399. dung beetles.Copy !req
400. I thought I was so cool.Copy !req
401. Eat it!Copy !req
402. That's so gross!Copy !req
403. That is yucky!Copy !req
404. Eat more!Copy !req
405. What a freak.Copy !req
406. Remember, Bill, just because
you have their attentionCopy !req
407. doesn't mean you have
their respect.Copy !req
408. So Bill, I guess
you're America's only hope.Copy !req
409. Are you in?Copy !req
410. I am so in.Copy !req
411. Oh...Copy !req
412. Hank?Copy !req
413. Is there any chanceCopy !req
414. I might be able to get
some alone time with Dale and...Copy !req
415. "persuade" him?Copy !req
416. Keep your pants on, lady.Copy !req
417. My wife's hotter than youCopy !req
418. and she throws more sex at meCopy !req
419. than I know what to do with.Copy !req
420. Cyndi, believe in the big man.Copy !req
421. Show me a miracle, baby.Copy !req
422. The outlet mall
is a bit of a driveCopy !req
423. but God help meCopy !req
424. I love those
discontinued pantsuits.Copy !req
425. Hey, look, the County Fair!Copy !req
426. Something about
a hot dog contest.Copy !req
427. I could go for a hot dog.Copy !req
428. Maybe even two.Copy !req
429. Oh, good, here's another sign.Copy !req
430. Mom, what are you doing?Copy !req
431. Well, you know,
it just occurred to me...Copy !req
432. I have never taken you fishing!Copy !req
433. Gladiators,
hands on the table.Copy !req
434. Judges, you ready?Copy !req
435. On your mark...Copy !req
436. get set...Copy !req
437. eat!Copy !req
438. Dang it, Irraawaddy's already upCopy !req
439. two dogs on Bill.Copy !req
440. He's got to kick.Copy !req
441. Too soon.
He'll flame out!Copy !req
442. Uh, aren't we supposed
to have fishing rods?Copy !req
443. Fishing rods?Copy !req
444. Have you ever seen a bear
use a fishing rod?Copy !req
445. Here, use the tackle
God gave you.Copy !req
446. Look, look, there's a sturgeon!Copy !req
447. Slap it out of the water, Bobby!Copy !req
448. Where? I don't see it.Copy !req
449. Oh, you're scaring him away with
all your talk, talk, talking!Copy !req
450. Look, Bill's kicking!Copy !req
451. He's kicking!Copy !req
452. C'mon, work it!Copy !req
453. He's ahead!Copy !req
454. Go, Bill!Copy !req
455. Attack the dog!
Attack the dog!Copy !req
456. USA, USA...Copy !req
457. Come on, Irrawaddy!Copy !req
458. Laos is depending on you!Copy !req
459. Dauterive!
Go, Dauterive!Copy !req
460. Eat it! Eat it!Copy !req
461. Is he? Is he?Copy !req
462. He is!
He's quitting!Copy !req
463. All right, Bill!Copy !req
464. No!Copy !req
465. Come on, Bill!Copy !req
466. USA! USA?Copy !req
467. Hank... I'm full.Copy !req
468. I know, buddy.Copy !req
469. Just another 15 dogs.Copy !req
470. But they're laughing at me.Copy !req
471. Do I have to keep doing this?Copy !req
472. Uh...Copy !req
473. I guess it's for America.Copy !req
474. You know, Bill,
America doesn't need to winCopy !req
475. every dang thing to be great.Copy !req
476. We've got the Constitution,
two George BushesCopy !req
477. great toilets.Copy !req
478. Hell, we played golf
on the moon.Copy !req
479. I guess we can let Laos have a
stupid wiener contest, can't we?Copy !req
480. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
481. Bill, you fool,
there's still time!Copy !req
482. Dude, get back in there
and eat like the wind!Copy !req
483. Thank you for the hot dogs,
but I've had enough to eat.Copy !req
484. I bid you good day.Copy !req
485. And the winner...Copy !req
486. Ken Irrawaddy, from Laos!Copy !req
487. This is the proudest
day of my life!Copy !req
488. Oh, that's it!Copy !req
489. I'm quitting music
and putting on the bib.Copy !req
490. So, uh, things
still on with Cyndi?Copy !req
491. No.Copy !req
492. Well, at least you got
a little chicka-womp-womp.Copy !req
493. Actually, we were
saving it for tonight.Copy !req
494. My idea.Copy !req
495. Attaboy, Bill.Copy !req
496. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
497. Anyone got a breath mint?Copy !req
498. - Yep.
- Here you go.Copy !req