1. Ripped By mstollCopy !req
2. Eh? Eh?Copy !req
3. Ooh!
Balloon!Copy !req
4. Whose birthday is it?Copy !req
5. Joseph's?
Or Nancy's?Copy !req
6. No, wait!Copy !req
7. It's my birthday, isn't it?Copy !req
8. Bill, it's a weather balloon.Copy !req
9. And your birthday's...Copy !req
10. uh, was last week.Copy !req
11. Uh, sorry, Bill.Copy !req
12. Happy belated birthday.Copy !req
13. Thank you, Hank.Copy !req
14. I've got 18 more of these.Copy !req
15. A balloonist's dozen.Copy !req
16. Hey, man, how about that dang
old dude, man, true story man,Copy !req
17. it got, got him, all them balloons
up in 'em lawn chair,Copy !req
18. man, going around 16,000 feet,
man, that old Bruce DernCopy !req
19. played him in a,
in a dang old movie, man.Copy !req
20. Boomhauer, thatguy
almost died.Copy !req
21. You can't just strap
some weather balloonsCopy !req
22. to a lawn chair and fly
to the store for some candy.Copy !req
23. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
24. I need to focus.Copy !req
25. Our biggest propane sale
of the year starts tomorrow.Copy !req
26. I can't afford
to be thinking about helium.Copy !req
27. Yeah, that's ridiculous,
Boomhauer.Copy !req
28. This is it.Copy !req
29. The Grillstravaganza.Copy !req
30. Okay, let's do it.Copy !req
31. On three.Copy !req
32. One, two, three.Copy !req
33. For the customer!Copy !req
34. Enrique!
Nice clip-on.Copy !req
35. Looking good.Copy !req
36. Donna, thanks
for clearing your desk.Copy !req
37. I know how much
you like your unicorns.Copy !req
38. Joe Jack, what's with the hat?Copy !req
39. Sorry, honey.Copy !req
40. But this year, I'm going toCopy !req
41. be selling more
grills than you.Copy !req
42. In fact, your winning streak's
about to go up in flames.Copy !req
43. Abra-kazam!Copy !req
44. Ah, good God, that's hot.Copy !req
45. Do you know why
I sell the most propaneCopy !req
46. every Grillstravaganza,
Joe Jack?Copy !req
47. I educate the customerCopy !req
48. so they can make
an informed decision.Copy !req
49. That's my magic trick.Copy !req
50. Oh-oh.Copy !req
51. Rabbit done peed on my head.Copy !req
52. Boy, that Joe Jack.Copy !req
53. He's never going to get
anywhere until he learnsCopy !req
54. that sales
is all about character.Copy !req
55. Well, unfortunately,
that is the sort of lessonCopy !req
56. he will only learn
on his deathbed.Copy !req
57. And no one wants
to buy a grill from a dying man.Copy !req
58. Hey, you know
who might get a kickCopy !req
59. out of learning
some character?Copy !req
60. Bobby.Copy !req
61. Maybe I'll take him to work.Copy !req
62. Show him how his old man
pays for his bath salts.Copy !req
63. Cookies!Copy !req
64. Bobby, that's not a cookie.Copy !req
65. It's a sales cookie.Copy !req
66. When you make a sale,
you get a cookie,Copy !req
67. and you get to ring the bell.Copy !req
68. It's asinine, but it works
for some people.Copy !req
69. The sales cookie's the sweetest
cookie you'll ever taste, honey.Copy !req
70. Every time I hear a bell,
I starts to drooling.Copy !req
71. And this is the sales board.Copy !req
72. It's like the giant scoreboard
at the Masters.Copy !req
73. Except instead of Tiger Woods,
you have me.Copy !req
74. Wow.Copy !req
75. Cookies,
my name in blue marker...Copy !req
76. What do you want me
to sell first?Copy !req
77. You want to make a sale
on your first day?Copy !req
78. Ah, God bless you, boy.Copy !req
79. Uh, I think you better
watch this first.Copy !req
80. Morning, sir.Copy !req
81. I see you admiring
the Vogner line.Copy !req
82. Why don't you give these
brochures a read,Copy !req
83. talk them over with your wife,Copy !req
84. or a trusted
older family member,Copy !req
85. and come back
if and when you're ready.Copy !req
86. We'll be here.Copy !req
87. Okay.Copy !req
88. Well, thanks.Copy !req
89. Yes!Copy !req
90. Gives me chills every time.Copy !req
91. I don't get it.Copy !req
92. You let him leave.Copy !req
93. At the end of the month,
you'll get it,Copy !req
94. when my customers return,
educated and ready to buy.Copy !req
95. That leads us
to lesson number one.Copy !req
96. So straighten up your tie,Copy !req
97. 'cause you're
going to meet a lady.Copy !req
98. This is Lucy
the tank wipe trainer.Copy !req
99. What is exactly
does wiping a grimy tankCopy !req
100. have to do
with selling propane?Copy !req
101. Everything.Copy !req
102. When you talk tanks with the
customer, it won't just be talk.Copy !req
103. You'll have smelled, touched,
and tasted more tanksCopy !req
104. than he'll have ever seen.Copy !req
105. But I want to sell grills.Copy !req
106. When you're ready, you will.Copy !req
107. All right, now what you doCopy !req
108. is wipe from her head
down to her feet.Copy !req
109. No, no, Bobby, remember...Copy !req
110. "Head to feet,
you won't cause a leak."Copy !req
111. "Feet to head,
everyone's dead."Copy !req
112. Tether tethered.Copy !req
113. I'm going to beCopy !req
114. floating with the angels.Copy !req
115. What's that gun for?Copy !req
116. There is a small
to large chanceCopy !req
117. you will develop
high altitude pulmonary edemaCopy !req
118. which means your capillaries
will flood with fluid,Copy !req
119. preventing adequate
oxygenationCopy !req
120. and a spiral
of worsening hypoxia,Copy !req
121. leading to a slow
and painful death.Copy !req
122. I don't think I want that.Copy !req
123. That's why I got the gun.Copy !req
124. If you start feeling
any shortness of breath,Copy !req
125. rub your belly,
and I will give youCopy !req
126. one of Dr. Dale's
.38 caliber pain pills.Copy !req
127. What?Copy !req
128. Don't worry, I'm a good shot.Copy !req
129. Remove the sandbags,
Boomhauer!Copy !req
130. It works, it works!Copy !req
131. Oh, it's so beautiful up here.Copy !req
132. Okay, when we released
the second tether,Copy !req
133. Bill should gradually floatCopy !req
134. 30 feet into the air
as planned,Copy !req
135. or he will soar uncontrollablyCopy !req
136. into the stratosphere.Copy !req
137. Huh?Copy !req
138. Cut the cord, Boomhauer.Copy !req
139. Wait!Copy !req
140. He's giving the signal.Copy !req
141. Stick out your chestCopy !req
142. so I can get a clean shot
at your heart!Copy !req
143. Oh, man, use that
them dang old escape rope, man!Copy !req
144. I made it!Copy !req
145. I'm all right!Copy !req
146. Ow!Copy !req
147. You're not doing it right!Copy !req
148. Ow, ow!Copy !req
149. Help!Copy !req
150. Hey, man, that dang,Copy !req
151. better shoot that dang old
balloon, man!Copy !req
152. My eyes!Copy !req
153. Man, ma dang, dang old Bill's
gone, man.Copy !req
154. Huh.Copy !req
155. Ow.Copy !req
156. Ow.Copy !req
157. Ow.Copy !req
158. Congratulations, Bobby.Copy !req
159. That's the pain you get
from not taking shortcuts.Copy !req
160. Okay.Copy !req
161. You know, I think he mayCopy !req
162. really have what it takes
to be a great propane salesman.Copy !req
163. Look, Peggy,Copy !req
164. he can barely make it
to his room.Copy !req
165. Aw, he can't.Copy !req
166. Hey, Joe Jack.Copy !req
167. My dad's making me
calibrate all the flanges.Copy !req
168. Does this flange
look calibrated to you?Copy !req
169. Um, beats me.Copy !req
170. Never learned that stuff.Copy !req
171. I just know about
moving product.Copy !req
172. Wait a minute.Copy !req
173. Then why am I stuck
back here doing this?Copy !req
174. All that bunk about learning
the fundamentals.Copy !req
175. It's just a way to get me
to do his grunt work.Copy !req
176. Good afternoon,
sir... madam.Copy !req
177. May I help you with one
of our fine products?Copy !req
178. Well, do you
actually work here?Copy !req
179. Yes, I do.Copy !req
180. Bobby!
No!Copy !req
181. Buck, I apologize.Copy !req
182. This won't happen again.Copy !req
183. Hell, I hope it does.Copy !req
184. He just sold a Char-King!Copy !req
185. He what?Copy !req
186. Hit it out of the parkCopy !req
187. on his first at bat.Copy !req
188. Bobby, I'm deputizing you...Copy !req
189. Sales boy!Copy !req
190. But, sir, he doesn't know
the fundamentals.Copy !req
191. He didn't sell a grill.Copy !req
192. Someone bought it from him.Copy !req
193. He's not ready.Copy !req
194. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
195. What's this sound like?Copy !req
196. Sounds like I'm ready.Copy !req
197. Beginner's luck
is a curse, Bobby.Copy !req
198. If you don't learn the basics,Copy !req
199. you'll be just another
also-ranCopy !req
200. instead
of a still-running.Copy !req
201. Well...Copy !req
202. doing those basics
might be your wayCopy !req
203. but it's not my way.Copy !req
204. It's not my way;
it's the right way.Copy !req
205. Ha! If only there
were some easy wayCopy !req
206. to figure out whose way
works better.Copy !req
207. All right, mister, you're on.Copy !req
208. Fine!Copy !req
209. I cook two-inch steaks.Copy !req
210. That's my predilection.Copy !req
211. Is 22,000 BTUs enough for me?Copy !req
212. BT... what's the what now?Copy !req
213. BTUs.Copy !req
214. You know the heat index.Copy !req
215. Uh... oh... well,
the thing with that is... uh...Copy !req
216. Yeah, I'd be interested
to hear that too, Bobby.Copy !req
217. The heat, huh?Copy !req
218. Well, it ain't going
to be as hotCopy !req
219. as the Dallas Cowboys
this season.Copy !req
220. Now, they got a team.Copy !req
221. Am I right?Copy !req
222. What are you talking about?Copy !req
223. Dallas stinks this year.Copy !req
224. Which is why you're goingCopy !req
225. to spend Sunday afternoons
grillingCopy !req
226. instead of watching TV.Copy !req
227. Amen to that, brother.Copy !req
228. Hello, anyone?Copy !req
229. Anybody?Copy !req
230. Santa?Copy !req
231. No.Copy !req
232. Yes!Copy !req
233. Yes!Copy !req
234. If you get your parents,
I will give you a toy.Copy !req
235. Good-bye, Santa.Copy !req
236. I love you.Copy !req
237. Plus with
a chrome reinforcement,Copy !req
238. you don't have to worry
about her blowing up.Copy !req
239. Grills blow up?Copy !req
240. Oh, just the cheap ones.Copy !req
241. Uh, that's not true, sir.Copy !req
242. Every grill we sell here
is absolutely safeCopy !req
243. and of the finest quality.Copy !req
244. Oh, are they?Copy !req
245. Joe Jack, what do you think
about the non-chrome grills?Copy !req
246. What, the widow makers?Copy !req
247. No, no, I have all the safety
information.Copy !req
248. Thanks, but I'd rather not
take any chances.Copy !req
249. I'll go with the chrome one.Copy !req
250. You and you...
my truck, now.Copy !req
251. You two are selling propaneCopy !req
252. like it's a diseased pet
that needs a home.Copy !req
253. That stuff might fly
over at Thatherton Fuels,Copy !req
254. but I'm putting a stop to it.Copy !req
255. Mr. Strickland's happy,
the customers are happy.Copy !req
256. The only one not happy is you.Copy !req
257. But that's not our fault.Copy !req
258. It's 'cause you're in a slump.Copy !req
259. How many times
do I have to tell you?Copy !req
260. My sales come in
at the end of the month.Copy !req
261. Okay.Copy !req
262. You go the stink on you,
and everybody can smell it.Copy !req
263. - And then, this morning,
- I heard Bobby and Joe JackCopy !req
264. refer to a customer as a mark.Copy !req
265. Every single lesson
he's learning is wrong.Copy !req
266. Well, what do you expect?Copy !req
267. Joe Jack is racking up salesCopy !req
268. and from what your son
tells meCopy !req
269. you don't have squat.Copy !req
270. Children imitate success, Hank.Copy !req
271. I catch my students
imitating me all the time.Copy !req
272. Peggy, you know my system.Copy !req
273. I'll have plenty of successCopy !req
274. when all my sales come in
at the end of the month.Copy !req
275. We cannot afford to take
that chance, Hank.Copy !req
276. According to Rob Reiner,
these years are criticalCopy !req
277. for Bobby's core value
development.Copy !req
278. You've got to dazzle him
with salesCopy !req
279. or he may never
listen to you again.Copy !req
280. Come on, pick up the pace!Copy !req
281. But... But that's not my system.Copy !req
282. Then get a new one.Copy !req
283. Just pretend
you're one of those jerksCopy !req
284. at the Sales-a-thon.Copy !req
285. Okay, on three:Copy !req
286. One, two, three.Copy !req
287. For Bobby!Copy !req
288. Hello.Copy !req
289. Uh, I would like to sell you
a grill now.Copy !req
290. Well, we're just lookin'.Copy !req
291. Uh, look no further?Copy !req
292. Oh, great, here we go.Copy !req
293. Yep, here we go
on an exciting journeyCopy !req
294. that ends with you
buying a grill.Copy !req
295. Uh, you want me to tell you
a joke?Copy !req
296. So I pulled that tooth
I was telling you about.Copy !req
297. Arlen?Copy !req
298. Do you read me?Copy !req
299. Come in, Dale, Boomhauer?Copy !req
300. Bill, is that you?Copy !req
301. You didn't say over. Over.Copy !req
302. Dale! Thank God!Copy !req
303. I need water!Copy !req
304. I'm in a tree!Copy !req
305. Be more specific!
What town?Copy !req
306. What type of tree? Over.Copy !req
307. I don't know!Copy !req
308. I fell asleep!Copy !req
309. Oh, wait!
Here come a bunch of kids!Copy !req
310. Oh, thank God somebody came.Copy !req
311. Hey, you.
What you doing up there?Copy !req
312. Did Eduardo send you?Copy !req
313. No, see, the wind changed,
and I'm just so dizzy...Copy !req
314. How come you're hanging
from a tree?Copy !req
315. You a piñata?Copy !req
316. Hey, piñata, it's my birthday!Copy !req
317. Oh, no.Copy !req
318. No! No! Quit it! No!Copy !req
319. Wow. Bill's new ballooning
buddies sound like a hoot!Copy !req
320. I should've gone first.Copy !req
321. Uh, Mr. Strickland,
I'm glad you're here.Copy !req
322. I know I'm usually kicking it
into gear this time of the monthCopy !req
323. and I promise I...Copy !req
324. Aw, don't sweat it, Old Top!Copy !req
325. So you're in a slump.Copy !req
326. Now, come on, I still got plenty
of use for you yet.Copy !req
327. Thatheron.Copy !req
328. Gentlemen, you all
know Hank Hill,Copy !req
329. my number-one salesman
12 years running.Copy !req
330. Stop stalling, Buck.
Where's your bet?Copy !req
331. Right here.
I'm betting Hank!Copy !req
332. What?Copy !req
333. If you win, you get
him for the week.Copy !req
334. All right. I call.Copy !req
335. But, sir, you always
bet Joe Jack.Copy !req
336. Uh, I can't this time.
He's selling.Copy !req
337. You're crapping
the big goose egg!Copy !req
338. All right, bet's on.Copy !req
339. Show'em!Copy !req
340. Two pair, sevens high.Copy !req
341. Full house.Copy !req
342. No!Copy !req
343. That's where them
aces were hiding.Copy !req
344. Hank, you stand there
and look like a poker chip.Copy !req
345. I'll come get you in a minute.Copy !req
346. Bobby, everything I told youCopy !req
347. about sales being patience
and characterCopy !req
348. it's all still true.Copy !req
349. I didn't show much of either,
and now I'm paying the price.Copy !req
350. Please promise me you'll
learn from my mistakes.Copy !req
351. Uh, okay.Copy !req
352. Come on, Bobby.Copy !req
353. There's some nuns out there who
don't know diddly about markup.Copy !req
354. When I open this handkerchief,Copy !req
355. you're credit card will
magically be back in one piece.Copy !req
356. Alla-ka-sizzle.Copy !req
357. Aw, geez.Copy !req
358. This here's our crown jewel.Copy !req
359. Ourwet apron contest.Copy !req
360. You do good by me,
I'll let you work the hose.Copy !req
361. You told me I could bang the dents out
of my canister with a hammer!Copy !req
362. Are you trying to kill me?Copy !req
363. I, uh... what I meant
to say was, uh...Copy !req
364. I'll get the manager.Copy !req
365. Uh, Bobby, I'm not good
with unhappy customers.Copy !req
366. That's your old man's
specialty.Copy !req
367. If they ask for me,
I'm, uh... uh...Copy !req
368. Yeah. Good luck, Bob!Copy !req
369. speak to the
manager, please!Copy !req
370. Please be patient, ma'am.Copy !req
371. I can't find my pen.Copy !req
372. Joe Jack, so help me God.
If you took my pen again.Copy !req
373. You don't know anything
about the BTUs on this grill!Copy !req
374. It took me four hours
to cook my two-inch steaks!Copy !req
375. I, uh, maybe...
Look, free cookies!Copy !req
376. Cookies?
I'm a diabetic.Copy !req
377. Get back here!Copy !req
378. He's gettin' away!
Follow him!Copy !req
379. Uh, sure, this grill is perfect
for indoor grilling.Copy !req
380. Or heating.Copy !req
381. And we at Thatherton
guarantee that the gasCopy !req
382. will never ever run out.Copy !req
383. He won me in a card game.Copy !req
384. Get out of here
while you still can.Copy !req
385. Run! Run! Run!Copy !req
386. That way!Copy !req
387. I just saw a jet ski payment
run out the door.Copy !req
388. What happened?Copy !req
389. Look, I can sell propane
upside-down and blindfolded,Copy !req
390. but notwith my integrity
tied behind my back.Copy !req
391. There must be some sort of honest work
that needs to be done around here.Copy !req
392. Hey, mister, have you seen
Hank Hill?Copy !req
393. Dad?Copy !req
394. What are you doing
wiping tanks?Copy !req
395. I thought that grunt work
was only for rookies.Copy !req
396. Bobby, did you listen
to anything I tried to tell you?Copy !req
397. The great ones
practice the basics.Copy !req
398. So you thought I could be
a great one, too?Copy !req
399. I trusted you with the
flanges on your second day.Copy !req
400. I think that says it all.Copy !req
401. Things are kind ofCopy !req
402. melting down
over at Strickland.Copy !req
403. We need you back.Copy !req
404. Well, I still got
a debt to pay here.Copy !req
405. Uh, Mr. Strickland gave me the
20 bucks to pay Thatheron.Copy !req
406. Huh. That must just be
the first installment.Copy !req
407. Let's go satisfy
some customers.Copy !req
408. Your turn.Copy !req
409. All right, who can I help first?Copy !req
410. What seems to be the problem?Copy !req
411. Well, my tank ran out.Copy !req
412. It was supposed to be
a 50-gallon tank.Copy !req
413. Ma'am, that's only
a ten-gallon tank.Copy !req
414. Must've been
a miscommunication.Copy !req
415. I'll take care of it.Copy !req
416. I'm glad you are now
officially satisfied.Copy !req
417. That was some day, huh, Bobby?Copy !req
418. Actually,
it was pretty horrible.Copy !req
419. Tick... ticka-ticka.
Come on, baby.Copy !req
420. I'm sorry you're not going to get
the sales award this year, Dad.Copy !req
421. Maybe I should
get back to Lucy.Copy !req
422. It's foot to head, right?Copy !req
423. No, then everyone's
dead, Bobby.Copy !req
424. Remember, it's head to feet,
but we'll work on that tomorrow.Copy !req
425. Why don't you go lock
the door for me?Copy !req
426. Yeah, yeah, okay.Copy !req
427. I'll take this
one, too, slumpy.Copy !req
428. And what can I do you for?Copy !req
429. You're the guy
who gave me the brochures.Copy !req
430. Hmm.Copy !req
431. The first time I read them,
they made no sense.Copy !req
432. But then, it started
sinking in...Copy !req
433. It usually does.Copy !req
434. So the guy says,Copy !req
435. "I'm switching my trailer park
to propane.Copy !req
436. I need 500 tanks."Copy !req
437. A minute before closing!Copy !req
438. You should've seen Joe Jack!Copy !req
439. He pulled a flask out of his
desk and started drinking.Copy !req
440. It was so funny!Copy !req
441. Yep, every Grillstravaganza
is different,Copy !req
442. but they always end the same.Copy !req
443. Ripped By mstollCopy !req