1. If I wasn't stealing
Copy !req
2. so much beer
from this place
Copy !req
3. I'd totally quit.
Copy !req
4. Yeah, we should build
our own MegaloMart.
Copy !req
5. Call it, like... CooloMart.
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6. Blue vest, incoming.
Copy !req
7. Who's the lowest?
Copy !req
8. We're the lowest!
Copy !req
9. Megalo-team!
Copy !req
10. Megalo-fun!
Megalo-sucks.
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11. Exercises, huh?
Copy !req
12. I got to tell you, Norm
Copy !req
13. when MegaloMart
first came to town
Copy !req
14. I hated it, but
I got to admit
Copy !req
15. I like buying my hammers
and pants at the same store
Copy !req
16. so I can see how
they look together.
Copy !req
17. Glad we won you over, Hank.
Copy !req
18. Since you been handling
our propane
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19. I don't have
to spend time checking
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20. to see if the tanks
are really filled.
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21. That's why I call you
"Full Tank Hank," Hank.
Copy !req
22. Well, that's catchy.
Copy !req
23. (chanting):
Who's the lowest?
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24. We're the lowest.
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25. Megalo-team.
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26. Who's the lowest?
Copy !req
27. We're the lowest...
Copy !req
28. By the way,
we got another shipment
Copy !req
29. of those culottes
your wife likes.
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30. Just remember,
a Chinese large is a medium.
Copy !req
31. Well, Peggy loves
her culottes.
Copy !req
32. Dang it.
Copy !req
33. Just between you and me
Copy !req
34. we got a little rat
infestation here.
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35. Hank, you're tapped in,
and I can trust you.
Copy !req
36. You know a good exterminator?
Copy !req
37. Someone who's discreet
but can get the job done?
Copy !req
38. No.
Copy !req
39. Yep.
Copy !req
40. Yup.
Copy !req
41. Ant!
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42. (grunts)
Copy !req
43. Got him.
Copy !req
44. You owe me five bucks.
Copy !req
45. No way.
Copy !req
46. Come on, Bill,
I need the money.
Copy !req
47. That damned
new PestPro franchise
Copy !req
48. has been taking
all my business.
Copy !req
49. If I could
just get one
Copy !req
50. good job,
I'd be back on my feet.
Copy !req
51. Hey, Boomhauer, you any
closer to getting married?
Copy !req
52. Dang ol'... huh?
Copy !req
53. I heard
down at the chemical warehouse
Copy !req
54. that MegaloMart's taking bids
for a rat problem.
Copy !req
55. Man, that would be
a sweet gig.
Copy !req
56. I could start paying
for Nancy's health insurance
Copy !req
57. instead of just telling Nancy
I'm paying for it.
Copy !req
58. (sighing)
Copy !req
59. All right, Dale,
I can see you need the work
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60. and I know the manager
at MegaloMart.
Copy !req
61. But be careful.
Copy !req
62. This is a very big client
for me.
Copy !req
63. All right, Hank!
Copy !req
64. Hi, I'm Chuck Mangione
Copy !req
65. and at MegaloMart,
our prices are falling
Copy !req
66. faster than I am!
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67. ("Feels So Good"playing)
Copy !req
68. I just don't know
about putting my reputation
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69. in the hands of a man
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70. I wouldn't lend
my mechanical pencil to.
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71. Look, Dale needs this
Copy !req
72. and if there's one thing
Dale can do, it's kill things.
Copy !req
73. Wait, wait, does MegaloMart
still have a pet department?
Copy !req
74. No.
Copy !req
75. He'll be fine.
Copy !req
76. Well, I guess
he'd do the same for me.
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77. I mean, whenever he prints up
that money of his
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78. I'm usually
on the 100-Gribble bill.
Copy !req
79. I don't know
how to thank you, Hank.
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80. I'll let the
fellas down at
Shoe box Greetings
Copy !req
81. do it for me.
Copy !req
82. Just thank me
by doing a thorough, discreet
Copy !req
83. professional, quiet, detailed,
courteous, efficient job.
Copy !req
84. I won't let you down.
Copy !req
85. I'm actually going
to spray poison
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86. instead of
walking around
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87. going "sss."
Copy !req
88. So, anyway, uh,
the rats have chewed
Copy !req
89. through the wires
in our security cameras
Copy !req
90. and destroyed several hundred
dollars worth of crackers.
Copy !req
91. Now, I don't want
to alarm the customers
Copy !req
92. so we got to keep a low profile.
Copy !req
93. You won't know I'm here,
Glide well
Copy !req
94. but the rats that drag
their diseased bellies
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95. across
your merchandise will.
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96. And now, the bait.
Copy !req
97. Hmm.
Copy !req
98. Rat poison lasagna
or rat poison Salisbury steak?
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99. Ah, heck, Hank's reputation
is on the line.
Copy !req
100. I'm going to let this rat
have it with both barrels.
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101. Nothing!
Copy !req
102. What am I doing wrong?!
Copy !req
103. I don't get it!
Copy !req
104. Wait. I've encountered
a bite pattern like that before
Copy !req
105. but where?
Copy !req
106. Here!
Copy !req
107. Now, where did I get that?
Copy !req
108. Hmm.
Copy !req
109. Possum, possum, manatee...
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110. Aha! Of course.
Copy !req
111. Jungle Country Safari.
Copy !req
112. I'm not looking for a rat
at all.
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113. CHRIS:
This is art, man.
Copy !req
114. I told you, we should
totally build stage
designs for Creed.
Copy !req
115. Hank, it's going better than
I could possibly have expected.
Copy !req
116. Oh, good.
Did you catch it already?
Copy !req
117. Not yet, but I'm on the trail.
Copy !req
118. Remember when you said you
hoped I learned my lesson
Copy !req
119. from that run-in
with the baboon?
Copy !req
120. Well, let's just say,
"Lesson learned and applied."
Copy !req
121. Dude!
Dude!
Copy !req
122. Oops. Uh...
Copy !req
123. have you noticed any baboons
in the store lately?
Copy !req
124. From a distance,
they may have looked
Copy !req
125. like a large, hairy customer
with a bright red ass.
Copy !req
126. (grunts)
Copy !req
127. $39.99?!
Copy !req
128. That's weird.
Copy !req
129. I bought this CD for
$4.99 at CD Express
Copy !req
130. and I thought it was
outrageously overpriced
Copy !req
131. albeit quite pleasant
to make love to.
Copy !req
132. Yeah, man, it's
real strange.
Copy !req
133. Sometimes we see things
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134. and, like, the prices
are totally marked wrong
Copy !req
135. and I know I didn't do it,
and I know he didn't do it.
Copy !req
136. Yeah, and sometimes
in the morning
Copy !req
137. the Mangione standees are all
facing a different direction
Copy !req
138. than they were
the night before.
Copy !req
139. How do you figure that?
Copy !req
140. Hmm. You've added a piece
to the puzzle.
Copy !req
141. Now, were the standees moved
sloppily, as if by a monkey
Copy !req
142. or neatly, as if by a man?
Copy !req
143. Neatly.
Copy !req
144. As if by man.
Copy !req
145. (groaning)
Copy !req
146. Here's the deal,
Glidewell.
Copy !req
147. This gig may be less
Copy !req
148. of a quote-unquote
"extermination"
Copy !req
149. and more
of a quote-unquote "murder."
Copy !req
150. Just tell me you can handle it.
Copy !req
151. Hank said you
were the best.
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152. Hank said that?
Copy !req
153. I mean, I knew
he'd put in a good word for me
Copy !req
154. but..."the best"?
Copy !req
155. All right, I'll need
to spend the night here
Copy !req
156. as my prey seems to be nocturnal
in nature.
Copy !req
157. I don't know.
Copy !req
158. It's against
company policy.
Copy !req
159. I guarantee success by morning
Copy !req
160. or Hank Hill
is a braying jackass.
Copy !req
161. I really think
Copy !req
162. I did the right thing
recommending Dale.
Copy !req
163. Hank, you are distracting
my concentration.
Copy !req
164. I'm trying
to teach Bobby
Copy !req
165. how to play
Don't Spill the Beans.
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166. (nasal tone):
Out of beans!
Copy !req
167. That's six games in a row, Mom.
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168. What? Now, that
is impossible.
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169. I've never lost anything
six times in a row.
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170. Bobby, open your mouth.
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171. Ah...
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172. (phone ringing)
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173. Hill residence.
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174. Dale, is that you?
Copy !req
175. Are you done?
Copy !req
176. It won't be long now.
Copy !req
177. I'm working through the night.
Copy !req
178. You're spending the night
in the store?
Copy !req
179. Is the rat problem that bad?
Copy !req
180. Rat problem?
Copy !req
181. Oh, of course, you still think
there's rats here.
Copy !req
182. Well, don't beat yourself up,
Hank.
Copy !req
183. I did too until the evidence
pointed to baboon.
Copy !req
184. Baboon?!
Copy !req
185. Dale, don't tell Glidewell
there's a baboon.
Copy !req
186. It's not a baboon.
Copy !req
187. I know that.
Copy !req
188. I won't bore you
with the details
Copy !req
189. but bottom line...
Copy !req
190. it's Chuck Mangione.
What?!
Copy !req
191. And I'm going
to flush him out tonight.
Copy !req
192. And Hank, Glidewell told me
you said I was the best.
Copy !req
193. I nearly teared up
right there in front of him.
Copy !req
194. No! No! No! No!
Copy !req
195. Don't worry, I didn't.
Copy !req
196. (groaning)
Copy !req
197. D-Dale, Dale?
Copy !req
198. You know,
I have been thinking about it.
Copy !req
199. You never should have
recommended Dale.
Copy !req
200. Dale's losing it
at MegaloMart, Nancy.
Copy !req
201. We need some traps
for the rats
Copy !req
202. and a tranquilizer gun
for D... uh...
Copy !req
203. Also for the rats.
Copy !req
204. Hank, he has his
whole self-esteem
Copy !req
205. tied up in killing
things smaller than he is.
Copy !req
206. If y'all catch the
rat, please put
it in his pocket
Copy !req
207. so he thinks he caught it.
Copy !req
208. Here, everyone
put on a jumpsuit.
Copy !req
209. If Glidewell shows up
Copy !req
210. we'll look like
Dale's crew.
Copy !req
211. HANK:
Now remember, find the rat
Copy !req
212. kill the rat,
pat Dale on the back.
Copy !req
213. HANK:
That's where the culottes are.
Copy !req
214. (yelling, grunting)
Copy !req
215. Quit... re... sis... ting!
Copy !req
216. Ha!
Copy !req
217. Hank?
Copy !req
218. Give me that!
Copy !req
219. What are you guys
doing here?
Copy !req
220. And why are you wearing
my backup jumpsuit?
Copy !req
221. And my backup's backups?
Copy !req
222. Hold on.
Copy !req
223. You're either here
Copy !req
224. to check up on me
or goof on me.
Copy !req
225. Which "on me" is it?
Copy !req
226. You think I can't do the job?
Copy !req
227. We're just here 'cause...
well, the truth is
Copy !req
228. we missed you in the alley
Copy !req
229. so we put on the jumpsuits
to remind us of you
Copy !req
230. and next thing you know,
here we are.
Copy !req
231. Well, wingo.
Copy !req
232. Grab a snack... aisle 12,
and a chair... aisle 94.
Copy !req
233. But remember,
I'm after big game here...
Copy !req
234. a breed known as
Chuckus Mangionus.
Copy !req
235. 'Sgo.
Copy !req
236. (chuckling)
Copy !req
237. Dale's crazy.
Copy !req
238. (grunting)
Copy !req
239. Come out of there,
you dang bean.
Copy !req
240. Aha!
You little flapjack!
Copy !req
241. I knew it!
Copy !req
242. Nobody beats Peggy Hill
six times in a row.
Copy !req
243. I can't breathe!
Copy !req
244. Dale, look, a hole.
Copy !req
245. Rat! Rat!
There it is!
Get it!
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246. Oh, man, dang ol'
there it is, man!
Copy !req
247. No, it's behind you.
Dang ol' spray, man.
Copy !req
248. Come on, come on,
right there.
Copy !req
249. Get it man,
oh, don't...
Copy !req
250. Way to go, Dale,
you... you captured the rat
Copy !req
251. just like a real
exterminator!
Copy !req
252. Glidewell's gonna...
Copy !req
253. What the hell?!
You had the rat!
Copy !req
254. Ah, that was
one of the ones I released
Copy !req
255. to flush out Mangione.
Copy !req
256. His name is Keith.
Copy !req
257. What?! You're releasing rats
in the store?!
Copy !req
258. My reputation is on the line!
Copy !req
259. Don't worry.
Copy !req
260. None of my five trained rats
will be here
Copy !req
261. when Glidewell comes in.
Copy !req
262. The mongoose I let out
will see to that.
Copy !req
263. Mongoose?
Copy !req
264. (sighs)
Copy !req
265. Okay. I tell you what, Dale.
Copy !req
266. You want to search for Chuck
Copy !req
267. you do it by yourself
over there.
Copy !req
268. We'll search for, uh... Chuck,
on our own over here.
Copy !req
269. Whatever you do,
don't get captured.
Copy !req
270. I will not negotiate
with Mangione.
Copy !req
271. (yawning)
Copy !req
272. Mmm...
Copy !req
273. (grunts)
Copy !req
274. Got... dang it!
Copy !req
275. Yeah, talking 'bout
Copy !req
276. unleash them hounds, man.
Copy !req
277. Crossbow armed.
Copy !req
278. And now for the bait.
Copy !req
279. (footsteps shuffling)
Copy !req
280. Bill?
Copy !req
281. Boomhauer?
Copy !req
282. Whoo-hoo.
(giggles)
Copy !req
283. Yo, man. Hey, Hank?
Copy !req
284. Hey, man, stop that!
Copy !req
285. Hey, man!
Copy !req
286. (screaming)
Copy !req
287. (fearful grunt)
It's got me!
Copy !req
288. Dang it, Boomhauer
Copy !req
289. you have one of these
at home.
Copy !req
290. You're supposed to be working.
Copy !req
291. Got dang ol' Gribble's right,
man!
Copy !req
292. That dang ol' Mangione comes in,
turns switch, man.
Copy !req
293. Started to spin around
like my head, man.
Copy !req
294. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
295. Man, I talking about that
dang ol' Chuck Mangione, man.
Copy !req
296. I knew it!
Yippee!
Copy !req
297. I knew he was here.
I felt his presence.
Copy !req
298. Come on.
Copy !req
299. There's an easy explanation
for this.
Copy !req
300. You spun yourself too hard,
you got dizzy
Copy !req
301. and then you saw one of those
stand-up displays of Chuck
Copy !req
302. that are everywhere.
Copy !req
303. Or Chuck himself.
Copy !req
304. BILL:
Leave me alone!
Copy !req
305. (grunts)
Copy !req
306. What did Mangione do to you?
Copy !req
307. Nothing.
Copy !req
308. He was popping me
with a wet towel!
Copy !req
309. It's the mongoose!
Copy !req
310. He's headed for
my trip wires.
Copy !req
311. Hit the deck!
Copy !req
312. (Bill grunts)
Copy !req
313. Dale, stop it.
Get up, you guys.
Copy !req
314. (frightened grunting)
Copy !req
315. Well, that's the
calculated risk
Copy !req
316. you take when you
release a mongoose.
Copy !req
317. That's it!
Copy !req
318. That is
the last straw.
Copy !req
319. You've gone and turned
a simple rat job
Copy !req
320. into one of your
crazy conspiracies.
Copy !req
321. I'm sorry I ever lied
to Glidewell for you, Dale.
Copy !req
322. Lied?
Copy !req
323. What are you saying?
Copy !req
324. I promised on my word
that Glidewell
Copy !req
325. would have his rat problem
taken care of.
Copy !req
326. So I'm going to call PestPro
to make sure it's taken care of!
Copy !req
327. You... you wouldn't, Hank.
Copy !req
328. You've left me no choice.
Copy !req
329. Dang it!
Copy !req
330. The phone's dead.
Copy !req
331. BILL:
Oh, God.
Copy !req
332. The doors are blocked.
Copy !req
333. Chuck don't want us
to leave.
Copy !req
334. ("Feels So Good"playing)
Copy !req
335. Told you, Hank.
Copy !req
336. (Hank yells)
Copy !req
337. Look, Dale
Copy !req
338. I'll admit something
bigger than a rat
Copy !req
339. must have moved
those soda machines.
Copy !req
340. Now come on, help
us push them away
Copy !req
341. so we can get
out of here.
Copy !req
342. Yeah, that's exactly what
Chuck wants you to do.
Copy !req
343. The first one
to touch those machines
Copy !req
344. will be electrocuted.
Copy !req
345. Then, while
the rest of you saps
Copy !req
346. are staring at a charred
and twisted Bill
Copy !req
347. Chuck will pounce.
Copy !req
348. Dale, man...
I don't want to die
Copy !req
349. twisted, painful...
Copy !req
350. Dale, help me
out here.
Copy !req
351. What do you think
we should do?
Copy !req
352. What are you asking me for?
Copy !req
353. I'm loony.
Copy !req
354. I'm going to go find me a Chuck.
Copy !req
355. And if you're lucky, when
I check his stomach contents
Copy !req
356. there won't be pieces of you.
Copy !req
357. (sighs)
Copy !req
358. All right. If we're going
to make it through tonight
Copy !req
359. think, think.
Copy !req
360. Okay, let's form
a back-to-back triangle
Copy !req
361. so no one can
sneak up on us.
Copy !req
362. This is good, this is good.
Copy !req
363. If we just keep our wits about
us, everything will be fine.
Copy !req
364. (loud clanging)
Copy !req
365. (both screaming)
Copy !req
366. You were supposed to keep
your wits about you.
Copy !req
367. (Hank yells)
Copy !req
368. Six beans.
Copy !req
369. (inhaling deeply)
Copy !req
370. Ah!
Copy !req
371. Why don't
you go home
Copy !req
372. and get some sleep.
Copy !req
373. I believe it's your turn,
nose boy.
Copy !req
374. Dale!
Copy !req
375. Boomhauer!
Copy !req
376. (yells)
Copy !req
377. (grunts)
Copy !req
378. (gasping):
Ch-Chuck?
Copy !req
379. DALE:
Gotcha
Copy !req
380. Mr. Adult Contemporary.
Copy !req
381. I did it!
Copy !req
382. I caught
Chuck Mangione!
Copy !req
383. (yelps)
Copy !req
384. What in the hell?!
Copy !req
385. (sinister laughter)
Copy !req
386. (evil giggling)
Copy !req
387. Oh, you're just the kids
from the music department.
Copy !req
388. (chuckling):
He totally thought
we were Chuck Mangione, bro!
Copy !req
389. We tooled
you big time!
Copy !req
390. Oh, you are
such a tool!
Copy !req
391. I blew it.
Copy !req
392. All my exterminator's instincts
were wrong.
Copy !req
393. I'm not fit to live
on this earth
Copy !req
394. let alone killthe things
that live on this earth.
Copy !req
395. Oh, you know what
we should do?
Copy !req
396. Dude, we should dress him up
in ladies' lingerie
Copy !req
397. take him
to the photo department
Copy !req
398. and make him sit
on our laps!
Copy !req
399. Let's just shave his
head like we planned.
Copy !req
400. (shrieking)
Copy !req
401. CHRIS (over P. A.):
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
Copy !req
402. CORT:
You can run,
but you can't hide!
Copy !req
403. All right, now
who are you?
Copy !req
404. Take off the mask
and quit mocking me!
Copy !req
405. Ouch! Watch the lip, man.
Copy !req
406. (gasping):
It's you!
Copy !req
407. It's... really you.
Copy !req
408. So I'm not crazy
Copy !req
409. but you are!
Copy !req
410. You let a mongoose out
in the store.
Copy !req
411. You're living in a
toilet paper fort.
Copy !req
412. Let's agree to disagree.
Copy !req
413. Chuck, I don't get it.
Copy !req
414. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
415. This is a long way from
The Merv Griffin Show.
Copy !req
416. Ah, when I signed the contract
to be the MegaloMart spokesman
Copy !req
417. I didn't read it carefully.
Copy !req
418. I have to be
at every store opening
Copy !req
419. and they open
400 stores a year.
Copy !req
420. I haven't had time
to record or tour
Copy !req
421. or give my old lady
any slow, sweet loving in years.
Copy !req
422. So, I disappeared
Copy !req
423. to the last place
they'd ever look for me.
Copy !req
424. I've been living here rent-free,
eating their Cheerios
Copy !req
425. playing their video games
and trying on their underpants.
Copy !req
426. Anything to stick it to the Man.
Copy !req
427. You chewed up
the security camera wires?
Copy !req
428. It was necessary
Copy !req
429. so I could come and go
as I pleased.
Copy !req
430. But what about
the droppings?
Copy !req
431. There were droppings
all over the place.
Copy !req
432. (sinister chuckling)
Copy !req
433. Make those Megalo chumps
pick'em up!
Copy !req
434. They owe me!
Copy !req
435. Right on.
Copy !req
436. Keeping it real.
Copy !req
437. (Hank shrieking)
Copy !req
438. Sure sounds like
your friends need you, Dale.
Copy !req
439. They do, Chuck.
Copy !req
440. Wait. Every aisle has
a hollow passage
Copy !req
441. with openings at
the discount flags.
Copy !req
442. Use it.
Copy !req
443. Look here, I don't know
what you two are hopped up on
Copy !req
444. but it's going to wear off
Copy !req
445. and you're going to be very
regretful about your actions.
Copy !req
446. (both yell)
Copy !req
447. (wailing):
Okay, you win!
Copy !req
448. Can't breathe!
Copy !req
449. Gentlemen, the
infestation
is over.
Copy !req
450. Except for the mongoose
Copy !req
451. but I'm sure
he's found a new home.
Copy !req
452. Thanks for
the recommendation, Hank.
Copy !req
453. If I'd called PestPro
Copy !req
454. they would have just sprayed
in here
Copy !req
455. and I'd have some parents
of dead teens suing me.
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456. Nice work, Gribble.
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457. Yeah, "Nice work, Gribble."
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458. (chuckling)
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459. Chuck Mangione
in the MegaloMart.
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460. Yeah, man, that dang
ol' Dale, man.
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461. Chuck Mangione probably in
Hollywood right now, man
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462. probably sticking
that ol' horn to
Minnie Driver, man.
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463. Yeah, my mistake.
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464. Silly me.
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465. Look, it might not have
been Chuck Mangione
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466. but he found the pests and
took care of the problem.
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467. Dale, I'd recommend
you anytime.
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468. Sorry I doubted you.
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469. What was that?
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470. Muzak.
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471. Just... Muzak.
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472. Whoo-hoo!
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473. That's where the culottes are.
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