1. If I wasn't stealing
so much beer from this place,
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2. I'd totally quit.
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3. Yeah, we should build our own MegaloMart.
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4. Call it, like…
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5. CooloMart.
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6. That's a good one.
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7. Blue vest, incoming.
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8. Who's the lowest? We're the lowest.
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9. Megalo-team. Megalo-fun.
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10. Exercises, huh?
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11. I got to tell you, Norm,
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12. when MegaloMart first came to town,
I hated it,
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13. but I got to admit,
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14. I like buying my hammers and pants
at the same store
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15. so I can see how they look together.
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16. Glad we won you over, Hank.
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17. Since you've been handling our propane,
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18. I don't have to spend time checking
to see if the tanks are really filled.
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19. That's why I call you
"Full Tank Hank," Hank.
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20. Well, that's catchy.
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21. By the way, we got another shipment
of those culottes your wife likes.
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22. Just remember,
a Chinese large is a medium.
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23. Well, Peggy loves her culottes.
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24. Dang it.
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25. Just between you and me,
we got a little rat infestation here.
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26. Hank, you're tapped in,
and I can trust you.
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27. You know a good exterminator?
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28. Someone who's discreet
but can get the job done?
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29. No.
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30. Yep.
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31. Yup.
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32. Ant.
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33. Got him.
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34. - You owe me five bucks.
- No way.
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35. Come on, Bill, I need the money.
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36. That damned new PestPro franchise
has been taking all my business.
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37. If I could just get one good job,
I'd be back on my feet.
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38. Hey, Boomhauer, you any closer
to getting married?
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39. Dang ol'… huh?
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40. I heard down at the chemical warehouse
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41. that MegaloMart's taking bids
for a rat problem.
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42. Man, that would be a sweet gig.
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43. I could start paying
for Nancy's health insurance
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44. instead of just telling Nancy
I'm paying for it.
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45. All right, Dale,
I can see you need the work
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46. and I know the manager at MegaloMart.
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47. But be careful.
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48. This is a very big client for me.
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49. All right, Hank.
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50. Hi, I'm Chuck Mangione
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51. and at MegaloMart, our prices are falling
faster than I am.
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52. I just don't know
about putting my reputation
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53. in the hands of a man
I wouldn't lend my mechanical pencil to.
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54. Look, Dale needs this
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55. and if there's one thing Dale can do,
it's kill things.
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56. Wait, wait, does MegaloMart
still have a pet department?
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57. - No.
- He'll be fine.
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58. Well, I guess he'd do the same for me.
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59. I mean, whenever he prints up
that money of his,
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60. I'm usually on the 100-Gribble bill.
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61. I don't know how to thank you, Hank.
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62. I'll let the fellas down
at Shoebox Greetings do it for me.
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63. Just thank me
by doing a thorough, discreet
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64. professional, quiet, detailed,
courteous, efficient job.
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65. I won't let you down.
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66. I'm actually going to spray poison
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67. instead of walking around going "shh."
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68. So, anyway, uh, the rats
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69. have chewed through the wires
in our security cameras
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70. and destroyed several hundred dollars'
worth of crackers.
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71. Now, I don't want to alarm the customers
so we got to keep a low profile.
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72. You won't know I'm here, Glidewell
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73. but the rats that drag
their diseased bellies
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74. across your merchandise will.
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75. Mm. Mm.
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76. And now, the bait.
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77. Rat poison lasagne
or rat poison Salisbury steak?
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78. Ah, heck, Hank's reputation
is on the line.
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79. I'm gonna let this rat
have it with both barrels.
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80. Nothing.
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81. What am I doing wrong?
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82. I don't get it.
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83. Wait. I've encountered a bite pattern
like that before but where?
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84. Here.
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85. Now, where did I get that?
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86. Hmm. Possum, possum, manatee…
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87. Aha. Of course.
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88. Jungle Country Safari.
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89. I'm not looking for a rat at all.
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90. This is art, man.
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91. I told you, we should totally build
stage designs for Creed.
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92. Hank, it's going better
than I could possibly have expected.
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93. Oh, good. Did you catch it already?
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94. Not yet, but I'm on the trail.
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95. Remember when you said
you hoped I learned my lesson
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96. from that run-in with the baboon?
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97. Well, let's just say,
"Lesson learned and applied."
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98. Dude.
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99. Oops. Uh…
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100. Have you noticed any baboons
in the store lately?
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101. From a distance, they may have looked
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102. like a large, hairy customer
with a bright red ass.
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103. $39.99?
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104. That's weird.
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105. I bought this CD for $4.99 at CD Express
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106. and I thought
it was outrageously overpriced
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107. albeit quite pleasant to make love to.
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108. Yeah, man, it's real strange.
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109. Sometimes we see things
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110. and, like, the prices
are totally marked wrong
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111. and I know I didn't do it,
and I know he didn't do it.
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112. Yeah, and sometimes in the morning
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113. the Mangione standees
are all facing a different direction
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114. than they were the night before.
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115. How do you figure that?
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116. You've added a piece to the puzzle.
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117. Now, were the standees moved sloppily,
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118. as if by a monkey or neatly,
as if by a man?
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119. Neatly.
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120. As if by man.
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121. Here's the deal, Glidewell.
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122. This gig may be less
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123. of a quote-unquote "extermination"
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124. and more of a quote-unquote "murder."
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125. Just tell me you can handle it.
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126. Hank said you were the best.
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127. Hank said that?
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128. I mean, I knew he'd put in
a good word for me
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129. but… "the best"?
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130. All right, I'll need to spend
the night here
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131. as my prey seems to be nocturnal
in nature.
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132. I don't know. It's against company policy.
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133. I guarantee success by morning
or Hank Hill is a braying jackass.
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134. I really think
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135. I did the right thing recommending Dale.
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136. Hank, you are distracting
my concentration.
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137. I'm, I'm trying to teach Bobby
how to play Don't Spill the Beans.
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138. Out of beans.
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139. That's six games in a row, Mom.
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140. What? Now, that is impossible.
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141. I've never lost anything
six times in a row.
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142. Bobby, open your mouth.
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143. Ah…
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144. Hill residence.
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145. Dale, is that you? Are you done?
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146. It won't be long now.
I'm working through the night.
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147. You're spending the night in the store?
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148. Is the rat problem that bad?
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149. Rat problem?
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150. Oh, of course, you still think
there's rats here.
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151. Well, don't beat yourself up, Hank.
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152. I did, too, until the evidence
pointed to baboon.
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153. Baboon?
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154. Dale, don't tell Glidewell
there's a baboon.
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155. It's not a baboon.
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156. I know that.
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157. I won't bore you with the details
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158. but bottom line
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159. - it's Chuck Mangione.
- What?
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160. And I'm gonna flush him out tonight.
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161. And Hank…
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162. Glidewell told me you said I was the best.
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163. I nearly teared up
right there in front of him.
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164. No. No. No. No.
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165. Don't worry, I didn't.
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166. D-Dale, Dale?
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167. You know, I have been thinking about it.
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168. You never should have recommended Dale.
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169. Dale's losing it at MegaloMart, Nancy.
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170. We need some traps for the rats
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171. and a tranquilizer gun for D… uh…
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172. Also for the rats.
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173. Hank, he has his whole self-esteem tied up
in killing things smaller than he is.
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174. If y'all catch the rat,
please put it in his pocket
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175. so he thinks he caught it.
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176. Here, everyone put on a jumpsuit.
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177. If Glidewell shows up
we'll look like Dale's crew.
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178. Now remember, find the rat
kill the rat, pat Dale on the back.
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179. That's where the culottes are.
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180. Quit… re… sis… ting.
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181. Ow.
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182. Hah.
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183. - Hank?
- Ugh. Give me that.
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184. What are you guys doing here?
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185. Why are you wearing my backup jumpsuit?
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186. And my backup's backups?
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187. Hold on.
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188. You're either here to check up on me
or goof on me.
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189. Which "on me" is it?
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190. You think I can't do the job?
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191. We're just here 'cause…
well, the truth is
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192. we missed you in the alley
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193. so we put on the jumpsuits
to remind us of you
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194. and next thing you know, here we are.
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195. Well, wingo.
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196. Grab a snack, aisle 12,
and a chair, aisle 94.
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197. But remember, I'm after big game here.
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198. A breed known as Chuckus Mangionus.
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199. Let's go.
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200. Dale's crazy.
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201. Come out of there, you dang bean.
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202. Aha. You little flapjack.
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203. I knew it. Nobody beats Peggy Hill
six times in a row.
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204. I can't breathe.
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205. Dale, look, a hole.
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206. Rat. Rat. There it is. Get it.
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207. Oh, man, dang ol' there it is, man.
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208. No, it's behind you. Dang ol' spray, man.
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209. Come on, come on, right there.
Get it man, oh, don't…
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210. Way to go, Dale,
you… you captured the rat
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211. just like a real exterminator.
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212. Boy, Glidewell's gonna…
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213. What the hell? You had the rat.
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214. Ah, that was one of the ones I released
to flush out Mangione.
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215. His name is Keith.
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216. What? You're releasing rats in the store?
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217. My reputation is on the line.
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218. Don't worry.
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219. None of my five trained rats will be here
when Glidewell comes in.
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220. The mongoose I let out will see to that.
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221. Mongoose?
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222. Okay. I tell you what, Dale.
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223. You want to search for Chuck,
you do it by yourself over there.
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224. We'll search for, uh… Chuck,
on our own over here.
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225. Whatever you do, don't get captured.
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226. I will not negotiate with Mangione.
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227. Ooh.
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228. Ooh.
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229. Mm…
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230. Got… dang it.
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231. Yeah, talking 'bout unleash them hounds,
man.
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232. Crossbow armed.
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233. And now for the bait.
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234. Shish-sha.
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235. Bill?
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236. Boomhauer?
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237. Whoo-hoo.
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238. Hey.
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239. Yo, man. Hey, Hank?
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240. Hey, man, stop that.
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241. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa.
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242. Uh, hey, hey.
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243. Oh, man, what are you doing?
Goddang ol'…
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244. It's got me.
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245. Hey, man. Hey, god dang.
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246. Dang it, Boomhauer.
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247. You have one of these at home.
You're supposed to be working.
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248. Gotdang ol' Gribble's right, man.
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249. That dang ol' Mangione comes
and turns the switch, man.
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250. Started to spin around like my head, man.
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251. What are you talking about?
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252. Man, I talking about that
dang ol' Chuck Mangione, man.
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253. I knew it. Yippee.
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254. I knew he was here. I felt his presence.
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255. Come on. There's an easy explanation
for this.
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256. You spun yourself too hard, you got dizzy
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257. and then you saw one of those
stand-up displays of Chuck
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258. that are everywhere.
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259. Or Chuck himself.
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260. Leave me alone!
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261. What did Mangione do to you?
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262. Nothing.
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263. He was popping me with a wet towel.
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264. It's the mongoose.
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265. He's headed for my tripwires.
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266. Hit the deck!
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267. Dale, stop it. Get up, you guys.
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268. Well, that's the calculated risk you take
when you release a mongoose.
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269. That's it. That is the last straw.
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270. You've gone and turned a simple rat job
into one of your crazy conspiracies.
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271. I'm sorry I ever lied
to Glidewell for you, Dale.
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272. Lied?
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273. What are you saying?
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274. I promised on my word that Glidewell
would have his rat problem taken care of.
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275. So I'm gonna call PestPro
to make sure it's taken care of.
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276. You… you wouldn't, Hank.
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277. You've left me no choice.
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278. Dang it.
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279. The phone's dead.
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280. Oh, God.
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281. The doors are blocked.
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282. Chuck don't want us to leave.
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283. Told you, Hank.
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284. Look.
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285. Dale, I'll admit,
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286. something bigger than a rat
must have moved those soda machines.
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287. Now come on, help us push them away
so we can get out of here.
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288. Yeah, that's exactly what Chuck
wants you to do.
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289. The first one to touch those machines
will be electrocuted.
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290. Then, while the rest of you saps
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291. are staring at a charred and twisted Bill,
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292. Chuck will pounce.
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293. - Dale, man…
- I don't want to die twisted, painful…
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294. Dale, help me out here.
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295. What do you think we should do?
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296. What are you asking me for?
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297. I'm loony.
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298. I'm gonna go find me a Chuck.
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299. And if you're lucky,
when I check his stomach contents
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300. there won't be pieces of you.
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301. All right.
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302. If we're gonna make it through tonight
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303. think, think.
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304. Okay, let's form a back-to-back triangle,
so no one can sneak up on us.
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305. This is good, this is good.
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306. If we just keep our wits about us,
everything will be fine.
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307. You were supposed to keep
your wits about you.
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308. Six beans.
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309. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?
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310. I believe it's your turn, nose boy.
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311. Dale. Boomhauer.
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312. Ch-Chuck?
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313. Gotcha.
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314. Mr. Adult Contemporary.
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315. I did it. I caught Chuck Mangione.
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316. What in the hell?
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317. Oh, you're just the kids
from the music department.
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318. He totally thought
we were Chuck Mangione, bro.
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319. We tooled you big time.
Oh, you are such a tool.
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320. I blew it.
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321. All my exterminator's instincts
were wrong.
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322. I'm not fit to live on this earth,
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323. let alone kill the things
that live on this earth.
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324. Oh, you know what we should do?
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325. Dude, we should dress him up
in ladies' lingerie,
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326. take him to the photo department
and make him sit on our laps.
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327. Let's just shave his head like we planned.
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328. Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
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329. You can run, but you can't hide.
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330. All right, now who are you?
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331. Take off the mask and quit mocking me.
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332. Ouch. Watch the lip, man.
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333. It's you.
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334. It's… really you.
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335. So I'm not crazy but you are.
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336. You let a mongoose out in the store.
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337. You're living in a toilet paper fort.
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338. Let's agree to disagree.
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339. Chuck, I don't get it.
What are you doing here?
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340. This is a long way
from The Merv Griffin Show.
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341. Ah, when I signed the contract
to be the MegaloMart spokesman,
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342. I didn't read it carefully.
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343. I have to be at every store opening
and they open 400 stores a year.
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344. I haven't had time to record or tour
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345. or give my old lady
any slow, sweet loving in years.
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346. So, I disappeared to the last place
they'd ever look for me.
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347. I've been living here rent-free,
eating their Cheerios
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348. playing their video games
and trying on their underpants.
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349. Anything to stick it to the Man.
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350. You chewed up the security camera wires?
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351. It was necessary
so I could come and go as I pleased.
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352. But what about the droppings?
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353. There were droppings all over the place.
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354. Make those Megalo chumps pick 'em up.
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355. They owe me.
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356. Right on.
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357. Keeping it real.
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358. Sure sounds like
your friends need you, Dale.
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359. They do, Chuck.
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360. Wait. Every aisle has a hollow passage
with openings at the discount flags.
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361. Use it.
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362. Look here, I don't know
what you two are hopped up on
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363. but it's gonna wear off
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364. and you're gonna be very regretful
about your actions.
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365. - Okay, you win.
- Can't breathe.
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366. Gentlemen, the infestation is over.
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367. Except for the mongoose
but I'm sure he's found a new home.
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368. Thanks for the recommendation, Hank.
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369. If I'd called PestPro,
they would have just sprayed in here
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370. and I'd have some parents
of dead teens suing me.
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371. Nice work, Gribble.
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372. Yeah, "Nice work, Gribble."
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373. Chuck Mangione in the MegaloMart.
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374. Yeah, man, that dang ol' Dale, man.
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375. Chuck Mangione probably in Hollywood
right now, man
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376. probably sticking that ol' horn
to Minnie Driver, man.
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377. Yeah, my mistake.
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378. Silly me.
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379. Look, it might not have
been Chuck Mangione
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380. but he found the pests
and took care of the problem.
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381. Dale, I'd recommend you anytime.
Sorry I doubted you.
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382. What was that?
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383. Muzak.
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384. Just… Muzak.
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385. That's where the culottes are.
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