King of the Hill 7x1

Directed by Tricia Garcia

Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • Elizabeth Perkins as Jan Shaw (voice) • Milla Jovovich as Serena Shaw (voice) • Debra Messing as Mrs. Hilgren-Bronson (voice) • Eliza Dushku as Jordan Hilgren-Bronson (voice)

Bobby meets a new girl, but Hank objects to her parents' liberal parenting style.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Now that's one heck

2. of a shoetree, Hank.

3. Yup, Peggy's birthday is coming up

4. and she was hinting that she wanted something

5. "for in the bedroom."

6. - Bobby, get out of the street. - Hey, get out of the road.

7. Bobby, I can't have you disco dancing in the alley.

8. People are gonna think we didn't teach you shame.

9. And I know we have.

10. What is this garbage?

11. It's Pimp Franklin and he doesn't need your respect, Dad.

12. He don't pay no man no mind.

13. Get in the truck, son.

14. When I was your age, we had these things called songs.

15. They were two-minute stories

16. about people falling in love or burning down Georgia.

17. But I guess Hollywood decided we needed more criminals

18. yelling about their ladyfriend's

19. baby place.

20. Did you pick out your new album?

21. Whoa, red flag, Bobby.

22. I have been advised to listen to this record.

23. They put that sticker on everything. It's part of the artwork.

24. It entices.

25. Excuse me. I need to use this parental listening booth

26. to screen my son's music.

27. That's a great album.

28. Put it back.

29. Oh. This one, too.

30. The Four Scores. Hah.

31. Kind of sounds like The Beatles before they went nuts in India.

32. It's not the Four Scores, Dad. It's 4Skore.

33. There's Chris, Calvin, Cool Chris and Todd.

34. Hey, I like this.

35. It's kind of like doo-wop.

36. This is the kind of music you should be listening to.

37. Okay.

38. D Down here on earth d.

39. Yeah, uh, I heard this new band they got out, 4Skore.

40. You talkin' 'bout that dang ol' boy band, man.

41. Talkin' 'bout prancin' around ol'… d Oh, oh, oh d.

42. Oh, man.

43. It's not like I'm, uh, listening to them.

44. You know, it's just good music for the kids.

45. If your kids like listening to castrati.

46. But they are a nice, wholesome group.

47. Of castrati, yes.

48. And we can agree their music isn't all that bad.

49. Maybe even okay.

50. Okay if you're a prepubescent girl.

51. Are you one of those, Hank, huh?

52. A prepubescent girl?

53. Would a prepubescent girl be able to kick your ass?

54. - Probably. - Dad.

55. 4Skore just released a block of tickets for their show in Houston.

56. But I thought they were all sold out. That's just so

57. wow.

58. Uh, I'm just so happy for you and your friends.

59. Hey, Connie. Hey, blonde girl.

60. This is Jordan, my study buddy from the Frontier Learning Center.

61. And this is Bobby.

62. It's nice to meet you, Jordan.

63. Sorry. I just got my braces. I'm still a little jumpy.

64. I already got smacked in the lip with a volleyball.

65. I got stitches. Do you want to see?

66. Yes, I do.

67. That's disgusting.

68. Okay, ranking in order of sexiness.

69. Ignoring their brutal slaughter of Texans at the Alamo, I say it goes

70. Martin Perfecto de Cos, Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana

71. and Don Jose Urrrera.

72. Why don't we make this a tad more fun?

73. Let's rank the men on our street.

74. Well, I don't normally go for the white meat

75. but number one is obvious.

76. That Boomhauer have one tight little bod.

77. Well, I think Dale is second.

78. Dale?

79. He is unbelievably limber.

80. Well, my Khan definitely tie for second.

81. He has big-ass pompadour and his stomach is ripped.

82. And then I guess second tier is Hank and Bill.

83. Excuse me?

84. You think Hank is on the same tier as Bill Dauterive?

85. Well, don't get all worked up, shug. We're ranking by sexy.

86. Hank's a good man but he's too uptight to be sexy.

87. I will have you know that in the 20 years we have been married,

88. Hank has never once forgotten my birthday or been late on a mortgage payment.

89. Oh, yeah, oh, that's real sexy, shug.

90. You obviously didn't find Dale real sexy

91. for the 15 years you were cheating on him with John Redcorn.

92. Oh, Lordy. We forgot John Redcorn.

93. - Whoo. - Oh.

94. Okay, so it goes John Redcorn…

95. Boomhauer, Khan and Dale.

96. Then Bill and Hank.

97. Or Hank and Bill.

98. It doesn't really matter. Whichever.

99. Dad, wait up.

100. I read a rumor on the Internet

101. that Chris frosted his bangs.

102. Dang Internet.

103. They don't care whose life they ruin.

104. Dad, I'm thinking about asking Jordan to dance.

105. When, how

106. what song?

107. Help me. I'm in over my head.

108. Well, son, just look her in the eye and say, "Would you care to dance?"

109. In my experience, women really respond to formality.

110. Have your tickets out.

111. Sir, the parents' section is in the skybox.

112. Uh, I, I came to see the show.

113. Trust me, sir, you want to be in the parents' section.

114. This is a boy band.

115. I love you.

116. Hey, that's Todd.

117. Ah, that sure is some good old-fashioned music

118. Todd, what are you doing?

119. D Felt about you d.

120. Uh… Hey. Hey.

121. D Can I get me some of that? Can I get me some of that? d.

122. Would you care to dance?

123. Sure.

124. I mean, if you want to.

125. D All over body addiction d.

126. So you go to the Learning Center?

127. You must be crazy good at math.

128. Yeah, I'm in trig.

129. Hey, what about you?

130. My math is just called math.

131. D The equation you plus me equals d.

132. Dad, look.

133. It worked. We're dancing.

134. What? Stop that.

135. Uh-uh-uh.

136. Dad, what are you doing?

137. Let me go!

138. - Hey, guys, how was the concert? - It was a disaster.

139. I was fast dancing with a pretty girl to one of my favorite songs.

140. Then Dad ripped us apart.

141. Hank Hill, are you so uptight

142. you won't even let your own son dance with a girl?

143. They weren't dancing like you and I dance.

144. They were enjoying it.

145. Lord. Everything now is sex, sex, sex.

146. It wasn't like this when I was growing up.

147. What is going on with our children?

148. Yes, exactly.

149. Do you see the way the little girls are dressing?

150. Walking around in their tiny shirts?

151. Everything right out on display.

152. Where is the mystery?

153. And we wonder why men don't respect us.

154. I, I can't picture this horrible, awful dancing.

155. Maybe I need for you to show me.

156. Well, all right but this is for informational purposes only.

157. What the heck are they doing?

158. Then there was this god-awful hip-shaking.

159. It was like those lizards we saw on the Discovery Channel.

160. Bobby, congratulations.

161. Cleaning out your brain is now my number-one chore.

162. What are you doing with the Teen People, Dad?

163. I'm making a time capsule.

164. This box is not to be opened until you are 16.

165. Good Lord, what is this smut you're listening to?

166. It's not smut. It's Radio Disney.

167. Nudity.

168. Okay, then. Have fun.

169. Yep, kids are growing up way too fast,

170. and we have no one to blame but the dairy council.

171. They're shooting our milk up with hormones.

172. Your Christina Aguileras and your Shakiras are their prototypes.

173. Nice to see you again, Jordan. Dance with you?

174. I'd love to.

175. Minh, come quick.

176. Redneck boy getting busy with lawn clippings.

177. Bobby.

178. I'm gonna show Bobby that teens can have fun

179. without dancing like sex perverts.

180. - Huh? - All right, you are making Bill

181. look like Pierce Brosnan.

182. Hi. My name is Howard Bronsen, Jordan's father.

183. I was wondering if you'd mind coming over

184. so we can discuss the little problem that happened the other night.

185. Uh, about the other night

186. Mr. Bronsen and Mrs. Hilgren-Bronsen.

187. I take full responsibility for what happened.

188. I'm glad you admit you over-reacted.

189. You got a little paternal and ruined the kids' night.

190. What? I, I don't think you understand what the problem was, Mr. Bronsen.

191. Please, call me McB.

192. Would you like an apple martini?

193. Oh. Well, that would be lovely.

194. We used to be disciplinarians,

195. but every time we made some rule or set some limit,

196. we'd just start laughing.

197. I mean, who are we kidding?

198. Hair of the dog.

199. Oh, you're in for a treat.

200. My son makes the best 'tinis.

201. Peggy, call the police.

202. Michael, I'd like you to meet the Hills.

203. Call them Hank and Peggy.

204. By the way, love the glasses on you two. Totally geek chic.

205. 'Sup?

206. Hey, McB. You missed a hell of a party last night.

207. Junior and Ray-Ray say wazzup.

208. Ooh, I love Ray-Ray.

209. Where were you, man?

210. Hey, someone's got to work around here.

211. Sure ain't gonna be me.

212. You know, you really could wear a shirt like McB's.

213. We prefer it if Michael drinks at home where we know he's safe

214. and when he gets really buzzed,

215. you should see him play Pictionary, it's a riot.

216. You know, it's not too late for you

217. to have this kind of relationship with Bobby.

218. Yes, it is.

219. Hank, all you got to do is be Bobby's friend.

220. If not, who is he gonna turn to when he's in trouble?

221. He won't even need to turn.

222. We'll be right there, bam,

223. in his face with a brick wall of rules, limitations and discipline.

224. My parents were a wall.

225. I want to be a door that leads to a world of experiences.

226. - Well, what kind of… - You know, I think

227. we are all saying the same thing here.

228. No, we're not.

229. Nothing they say makes any sense.

230. Look, the kids really like each other.

231. I know. Why don't we all take them out? Together.

232. Hey, there's a great…

233. I'm picking the place.

234. This place is so uncool.

235. Jen and Tad freaking Shaw. Get down.

236. Nancy? McB?

237. What are you doing in an ice cream parlor?

238. I mean, we're just here so Tad can use the toilet.

239. - Go ahead, honey. - Our kids are on a date.

240. Were chaperoning.

241. Chaperoning.

242. Oh, nice job, Ronald Reagan.

243. Hey, don't call me that.

244. Yeah, don't call him that.

245. Oh, this must be

246. so humiliating for Jordan.

247. My Serena is getting ready for her limo ride

248. with her high school friends. Sophomores.

249. We were saving up to rent Jordan a limo for her birthday,

250. but she thought it was a little played out.

251. She wants a slumber party.

252. A slumber party.

253. Good old-fashioned favorite.

254. With all the girls and boys in her class.

255. That's very progressive.

256. I think maybe we'll let Serena go.

257. Well, that was so exciting.

258. I did not know what was going to come next.

259. I know Jordan would love it

260. if Bobby could come to her slumber party.

261. We'll be serving tapas.

262. No. No goddang way is he going to that party.

263. Oh, come on, Hank, the Bronsens will be there.

264. And this is Bobby's chance

265. to hang out with the cool kids from the Learning Center.

266. It would be more like an overnight study session.

267. Nice one, Mom.

268. No.

269. Did you even see how cool those other parents were? Huh?

270. They looked like Chandler and Monica.

271. And look at us,

272. Andy Griffith and Aunt freaking Bea.

273. And it's all your fault.

274. I cannot believe you're not letting him go.

275. We never get to have any fun when you're around.

276. - We hate you! - Yeah.

277. Happy birthday, Jordan.

278. I'm sorry I can't come to your party

279. but you know how it is with parents.

280. Oh, wait, you don't, 'cause yours are fun.

281. Bye.

282. Yeah, I treat you so bad with all the food I give you

283. and the roof I put over your head so nicely.

284. I wish I could drive you, Bobby

285. but you know, you really don't need anyone to drive you

286. since it's only four stops on the Number Two bus

287. which leaves at 7:12, 7:18 and 7:40.

288. Huh?

289. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

290. Boys and girls are sleeping in the same room?

291. You got the little blue ones?

292. - I love those. - Oh, man.

293. It's Serena Shaw from Frontier.

294. Hey, Connie.

295. - Nice necklace. - Wow.

296. Thanks. You can have it.

297. And, uh, you are…

298. Bobby Hill.

299. Oh, Jordan's new friend.

300. Well, I'll make sure you and Jordan have a lot of fun tonight.

301. I'm a good kid.

302. Okay, we're off to the movies.

303. Don't worry, we'll be back late.

304. Uh, we'll make sure to honk so we don't interrupt anything.

305. You're the coolest, McB.

306. Okay, the game is called Seven Minutes in Heaven.

307. The closet will be heaven, I will be God.

308. Someone grab a timer.

309. My God, they're really leaving.

310. Is there a phone number where we can reach you?

311. - How long have they been in there? - Four minutes.

312. I hope they have enough air.

313. I don't hear the sounds of ecstasy.

314. Dude, lick your hand and spank her.

315. Do you have enough air?

316. I want to go home.

317. All right, who's next? Who's ready for some contact?

318. Interesting, the birthday girl.

319. Looks like Jordan is getting her first birthday present from…

320. Bobby Hill.

321. Uh…

322. Um…

323. Bobby and I just met each other.

324. If we move too fast, isn't it gonna ruin it?

325. I mean, we haven't even talked online yet.

326. I like him, at least I think I like him.

327. I know he can freak and he likes ice cream.

328. Uh, I don't know if that's enough.

329. Well, you've got seven minutes to get to know him.

330. Ooh…

331. Bobby,

332. I rented a square dance video and we're gonna watch it as a family.

333. Bobby?

334. You sure have a lot of coats.

335. I know. Let's look in all the pockets.

336. Come on, Bobby.

337. We don't have much time.

338. Do you got any pets?

339. An old dog.

340. What's your favorite food?

341. Pork pockets.

342. Ham or pepperoni?

343. Ooh, that's a toughie.

344. I got to think about it.

345. - Bobby. - Ham. No, pepperoni.

346. No. Ham.

347. There.

348. I like you.

349. Throw out some clothes.

350. I've got a sock.

351. That's as far as I'm willing to go.

352. - Shirt. Shirt. - A sock? Are you crazy?

353. A sock isn't good enough.

354. Shirt. Shirt. Shirt. Shirt. Shirt.

355. Shirt. Shirt. Shirt. Shirt.

356. Oh, thank God.

357. You are busted, mister.

358. I don't know what you're wooing for. You're all busted.

359. Where are the Bronsens?

360. They went to the movies.

361. When did your parents say they were gonna be back?

362. Forty-five minutes.

363. You guys got a game shelf?

364. While we're waiting for your parents to get here

365. we're gonna play a little game I used to play when I was your age.

366. No way am I playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

367. This is the saddest party that I've ever been to.

368. Well, I think we have our first contestant.

369. Hey… no.

370. Wh-what are you doing?

371. Whoa. Uh, wait, listen, uh…

372. Wait, where are you guys?

373. I can't believe Hank Hill so uptight, he ruin little girl's birthday party.

374. Thank God he showed up when he did

375. or I might be stuck in a closet right now getting felt up by Clark Peters.

376. What? That little booger-nose creep?

377. So, Hank really came in here and took control, huh?

378. He crack a whip.

379. He really is sort of sweet with the kids.

380. Just like a big ol' gummy bear.

381. All right, I'm coming around.

382. Hank Hill pretty sexy.

383. Yeah, but not as sexy as Boomhauer.

384. Mm, that Boomhauer.

385. How much longer do we have to stay?

386. We can leave as soon as the blacksmith finishes my belt buckle.

387. So, um, in the closet…

388. I was gonna kiss you, obviously

389. but my dang dad came in and, uh, put a damper on my situation.

390. So I'm just…

391. Nuh-uh.

392. None of that.

393. Yes, sir.

394. Nope, nope, none of, uh…

395. Well, I guess that's okay.

396. Animals.

397. D In heaven d.

398. Hey, that's Todd.