King of the Hill 6x22

Directed by Anthony Lioi

David Herman as (voice) • James Sie as (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice) • Amy Hill as Michiko (voice) • Keone Young as (voice)

Cotton runs amuck in Tokyo when rejected by his newly found Japanese son.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Uh...

2. Uh...

3. It's a boy!

4. Look at him, tall as Mount Fuji

5. with Michiko's sweet face.

6. What's your name, boy? You speak English?

7. My name is Junichiro.

8. Juni... Juni... Junico? Juniper?

9. Junichiro.

10. Ah.

11. So nice to meet you, Junch-jello.

12. I'm your pappy.

13. Aw, what the hell.

14. My mother has told me about you.

15. Unfortunately, she is not here.

16. She is viewing cherry blossoms in Nagoya.

17. She will return tomorrow.

18. Then tomorrow it is. Dinner's on me.

19. There's a swanky restaurant in our hotel.

20. Sixty bucks for a burger, but what the heck,

21. for all I know, it's your birthday.

22. How could you not know you had another son?

23. How many women have you slept with?

24. - Five? Six? - Two hundred seventy-three.

25. But this ain't about sex, no, sir.

26. It's about love.

27. And sex.

28. Well, I spent the year after the war

29. in the U.S. Army Hospital in Tokyo.

30. General MacArthur's personal sawbones had reattached my feets to my knees

31. and prescribed enough antibiotics to cure the French army's clap.

32. Every day, a Japanese angel

33. would drain my shins of puss and fill my heart with love.

34. It was magical.

35. Then excruciating.

36. Which made it all the more magical.

37. I was under strict orders not to fraternize with the conquered women.

38. So we hid our love.

39. During wartime, you don't think about the future.

40. - But it comes anyway.

41. I was being shipped out.

42. I did what I could to stay

43. but it wasn't enough.

44. No! No.

45. I left more than my shins in Japan.

46. I left a little piece of my heart.

47. And some seed, I guess, that grew into Junch-jello.

48. A brother? Wow.

49. I have a brother.

50. A Japanese half-brother.

51. That is some freaky stuff.

52. The Hill brothers.

53. Watch out for those Hill brothers.

54. Did you see what those Hill brothers were up to the other day?

55. Just be prepared for when your new half-brother

56. decides he's in love with me.

57. I must be quite a sight to him

58. with my exotic, unbound feet.

59. Well, I'm too excited to sleep.

60. Yee-ha! Texas in the hizouse!

61. Hello, Luanne.

62. Yeah, okay, this call is costing over ten dollars a minute,

63. so put Ladybird on the line.

64. Ladybird? Ladybird?

65. Come here, girl.

66. Ladybird, it's Daddy.

67. Listen to this, I have a big brother. Isn't that exciting?

68. I wish you were here to meet him.

69. - Oh, I miss you so much.

70. I got to go. I love you.

71. - Ew.

72. Does this bow tie make me look like a puppet?

73. Love doesn't care what you look like, Grandpa,

74. or if you can even speak the same language.

75. You meet someone?

76. Well! Good for you!

77. Try to get a foot massage. They got a knack.

78. Hello, Michiko.

79. Hello, Cotton.

80. I am glad to see your feet did not fall off as predicted.

81. How is everything else?

82. Well, it's been a crazy fitty years.

83. After I got back to America, I had a nice, juicy porterhouse

84. cooked medium-rare, just the way I likes 'em.

85. Then I knocked around a bit.

86. Eventually I got tired of working for jackasses

87. and decided to make an honest living

88. installing asbestos into schools and hospitals.

89. Got married twice, one ugly, one hot...

90. and had two sons, Hank and my baby, Good Hank.

91. Tell me, Ko-Ko, how have the years treated you?

92. Thank you for asking.

93. I worked as a washerwoman to support my son...

94. Uh, your son, Junichiro.

95. After war, I ate rice hulls,

96. and for ten years, I raised a child out of wedlock, alone.

97. This arrangement afforded me many opportunities for difficulty.

98. Then I found a man who would marry such a woman...

99. my Wataru.

100. So, uh I work in propane and propane accessories.

101. You may have seen it used in some of our movies.

102. What kind of work do you do?

103. Robots.

104. Robots, huh? Hm.

105. Robots.

106. This is very beautiful.

107. But as you say in Hollywood, we have a "capper."

108. Tomorrow you travel to Kyoto

109. to attend U.S.-Japanese peace ceremony hosted by Emperor of Japan.

110. Got berk! What an honor.

111. To come back and find family waiting for me, too?

112. I... I don't usually cry unless someone's pulling out my fingernails

113. like you fine folks did so many years ago.

114. I came here to apologize to Michiko but discovered I wronged two people.

115. I'd give what's left of my legs to hear you both say you forgive me.

116. I am sorry. What you did is unforgivable.

117. To come here after 50 years,

118. and think you can buy me hamburger and be my father?

119. No. I humbly wish my mother had never met you.

120. Ooh-wee, Junty Joe!

121. You gots a bit of the Hill temper in you.

122. My name is not Junty Joe.

123. It is Junichiro.

124. And you are not my father.

125. I am not a Hill.

126. It is a shameful name.

127. I formally renounce the Hill blood that is in me.

128. You take that back, boy,

129. or I'll take back my apology.

130. I will not take it back.

131. I come here to make peace and you kamikaze me?

132. That's it! I re-declare war on Japan!

133. Hyaaah...

134. Wait, Dad. No.

135. I'm sorry, he's probably not used to drinking so much tea.

136. With all respect and honor, I would not be saddened

137. if both you and your father went to hell.

138. Junichiro our dad's missing. He never came back last night.

139. My dad not missing.

140. Wataru is fishing for mackerel as he does every morning.

141. Please, you've got to help me.

142. He's on a rampage.

143. He already desecrated a koi pond and turned over a noodle cart,

144. and that was before he even left the hotel.

145. I cannot leave in the middle of the day.

146. I am assistant manager,

147. one of only 30.

148. Dang it, he's gone berserk,

149. and when he winds up on the news,

150. everybody's going to find out he's your dad,

151. and that's going to bring you great shame, I tell you what.

152. Got berk!

153. The whole lousy country's made of paper and balsa wood.

154. Got to find me a book of matches.

155. Okay, big day, big day.

156. We're going to see everything Tokyo has to offer,

157. the tofu museum, Chinatown...

158. Unless you want to rig up

159. some kind of tummy pack to haul me around,

160. I'm heading back to the room for a nap.

161. Hmm. Okay.

162. Be sure to fill the ice bucket, so we'll have water in the morning.

163. Dance!

164. Hey, friend, a little help?

165. Hey, there, uh... in the yellow shirt.

166. Excuse me, Doctor? What the...

167. What is wrong with these people? Why won't they talk to me?

168. What do you expect running around like crazy cowboy?

169. This not Texas, shoot off guns pow-pow-pow Rambo John Wayne.

170. In Japan, you do not raise voice and speak to people

171. without proper introduction.

172. Hey.

173. What's the head Magoo saying?

174. Emperor in Kyoto to exchange apologies with GI Joes.

175. I'd sooner spit in his face than apologize...

176. Hmm, don't mind if I do.

177. - Dance? - I can't.

178. I got to be in the room before my mom gets back.

179. Okay, four pictures.

180. We're going to tell a story.

181. I'm an American boy band star

182. - and...

183. Forget the story, let's just do four of those.

184. Dang it, I got to go.

185. Meet me here tonight at 6:30, and we can pick up where we left off.

186. - Dance. - I can't.

187. Oh, you mean tonight.

188. - Yeah.

189. Ah, I could drink a beer that size right about now.

190. So, uh, how long you been in the robot game?

191. There was not a time that I was not fascinated by robots.

192. Robots are clean, efficient, reliable...

193. Heh, that sounds like propane.

194. I wonder if they ever made a robot that runs on propane?

195. No.

196. But they could.

197. - Yep. - Hai.

198. You know, you're a successful guy, an assistant manager.

199. How come you never got married?

200. Who would have me?

201. I cannot provide sons or even daughters.

202. Do you have a narrow urethra?

203. Hai.

204. I'm also, uh... limited in that way.

205. There's, uh, some stretches you could do to, um...

206. you know, uh, get things moving.

207. I'll send them to you in the mail.

208. Oh, it is one of the businessmen I exchanged cards with.

209. See, Japanese politeness is surprisingly effective.

210. Oh! He just saw shinless foreigner at train station

211. buy ticket and dishonor pay toilet.

212. We must go.

213. I'm going to tell Uncle Hank

214. I learned how to clone at the junior college.

215. You two better back me up.

216. Ladybirds, your house is being robbed.

217. - Has he seen him?

218. He says a question unrelated to tickets

219. should be answered by information host.

220. He is not information host.

221. - Ah. - What's he saying?

222. He say ask ticket vendor.

223. What the... You already did that.

224. He sent you to the other guy.

225. Japan can sometimes be tiresome in this way.

226. But you're only half Japanese.

227. Look, in America when the traditional way isn't working we improvise.

228. I'd suggest telling this gentleman

229. to give you the information or you'll kick his ass.

230. Out of the way. Damn it!

231. There he is.

232. Dang it, Junichiro, come on!

233. Dad, wait!

234. I can't, boy. I gots a date in Kyoto with the Emperor.

235. Oh, thank God.

236. You're just going to the Peace Ceremony.

237. Yep. I'm going to hawk a loogie in the face

238. of this country's number one sum bitch.

239. What? Dad, no...

240. You will be proud of me.

241. I was abrupt with an elderly woman.

242. We're too late.

243. Our dad's on his way to spit in the Emperor's face.

244. Who will want to buy robots

245. from a man whose father spit on the Emperor?

246. Don't worry.

247. The Hill Brothers are on the case, right?

248. Hai.

249. Can't this thing go any faster than...

250. Wow.

251. Ah!

252. Open up. Police!

253. Uh, uh, this is Hank Hill, occupant,

254. and I cannot open the door as I am making love to my wife, Peggy.

255. We're doing it.

256. Oh, my God! Boomhauer! Boomhauer, please!

257. Would you take in Hank's paper?

258. Yo.

259. Step aside. Don't make me waste my lungbutter on you.

260. Uh, why don't you go on without me.

261. I saw a nice kimono in the gift shop window

262. that'd be perfect for Joseph.

263. Uh-uh. You're not going anywhere, mister.

264. Correction. You are going somewhere,

265. everywhere, with Peggy Hill's Touriffic Tokyo.

266. First stop, the Disney Store.

267. 6:30 P.M.!

268. Dance?

269. Dance.

270. Oh, Mr. Cotton Hill, Mr. Lead Story!

271. Just in time.

272. This badge admits you to peace ceremony with Emperor.

273. And if you start to cry, try to look at red light.

274. Ah, there's going to be plenty of waterworks.

275. Let me through.

276. Emergency! Come on, move aside.

277. I kick your ass!

278. Look at me!

279. Here come Ronald Reagan, Mike Tyson!

280. So, Colonel Mr. Cotton Hill,

281. how does it feel to be making peace with sworn enemy?

282. Goddang it! We're never going to stop Dad.

283. Tom Brokaw.

284. - What did you say? - I tell him you are Tom Brokaw.

285. You crazy bastard.

286. - Dad, no!

287. He's got security everywhere.

288. How many body parts do you want to leave in this country?

289. Father, no!

290. What did you just call me?

291. I called you "Father."

292. There is no shame in being a Hill.

293. Hank taught me that.

294. And he also taught me there's no shame in having a narrow urethra.

295. Uh, that was just between brothers.

296. Ah, like Japan, I am no longer your enemy.

297. And like my little brother,

298. I am your son, I tell you what.

299. King Tojo, even though you took my shins,

300. and I took fitty of your boys,

301. no hard feelings.

302. Now that we're all lovey-dovey, I'd like you to meet my sons,

303. Hank and Junichiro.

304. What better souvenir than a Tokyo phone book?

305. Here, Bobby...

306. - Carry that.

307. I ain't one for sayonaras, but...

308. I've been meaning to, uh...

309. give you this.

310. Maybe you don't want it. I...

311. Thank you.

312. Now I have something to remember you by.

313. This photo.

314. Oh, and our son.

315. So, I'm forgiven?

316. Yes.

317. Good-bye, Cotton.

318. Allow me to help, sister-in-law.

319. We would have invited you in for farewell tea,

320. but as you will read in my article,

321. these Japanese hotel rooms are horribly cramped.

322. Surely, you did not spend entire vacation in sitting room?

323. Huh?

324. Oh, my Lord.

325. You're gonna miss your war-skooch, ain't you, boy?

326. I never even got to say good-bye.

327. What? Stop the cab!

328. - Stop the cab!

329. Dad, what are you doing?

330. You wouldn't understand, boy.

331. It's about love.

332. Bobby, you gots to say your good-byes

333. 'cause Lord knows it's a grenade in the keister

334. to come back for 'em after 50 years.

335. Now go, boy!

336. - Dance! - Shh, shh, shh.

337. Let's not spoil the moment with a lot of talk.

338. Let's just...

339. dance!

340. Texas in the hizouse!