King of the Hill 6x21

Directed by Allan Jacobsen

David Herman as (voice) • James Sie as (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice) • Amy Hill as Michiko (voice) • Keone Young as (voice)

The Hills are off to Japan so Cotton can apologize to the widow of a soldier he killed in WWII, but something about Cotton's story doesn't quite add up.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I've always enjoyed your musings column, Peggy.

2. I'm sorry our readers preferred more ad space.

3. So, what's this new angle on a travel feature you want to pitch to me?

4. Okay. Like many of us, I'm sure you are sick to death

5. of reading travel pieces written by professional travel writers.

6. Now, just suppose an average Texas family,

7. mom, dad, son, were sent on a dream vacation to say...

8. a five-star Hawaiian luxury hotel, seeing the beach,

9. the buffets, the golf courses, but from their point of view.

10. You couldn't possibly have thought you were the first to try this, could you?

11. So, apparently, us enjoying ourselves in Hawaii is not enough of an "angle",

12. but I do think I can get a ticket to Jamaica

13. to explore the world of Rastafarian gangs.

14. I already picked the country for our summer vacation, Peggy... America.

15. And the state, Texas. And the town, Denton.

16. I don't care what their police did to that cyclist, it's still a good town.

17. Great, Denton. Gateway to Durndle.

18. Ah, Memorial Day, a day when our war heroes are honored

19. by even the most liberal of media. Cheers, Colonel.

20. Now, more than 50 years after VJ Day,

21. the men of the "greatest generation" have a new mission,

22. but instead of bayonets and bullets,

23. they are wielding reflection and forgiveness

24. as they return to the battlefields of their youth

25. confronting the haunting memories they've tried to leave behind.

26. Perhaps the Colonel will delight us with a war story?

27. Personally, I'm in the mood for an eye-gouging.

28. No! I don't want to talk no more about the 50 men I killed.

29. Well, that's weird. My dad loves telling his war stories.

30. Usually, we're pulling him off whatever sorry sap he's got playing Admiral Tojo.

31. That's how I ripped the other pair of pants I used to have.

32. Hank, I'm worried. Cotton's been acting very stressed all week.

33. Maybe you could take him out for some guy time, nothing gay, though.

34. Oh, I don't know.

35. He'll want to go to a strip club, and he always tips the girls

36. to put their... whatnots on my head.

37. Hank, please. Something's troubling him. He needs his son's help.

38. My dad needs my help?

39. How about a fun day at Six Flags? We can ride the roller coasters

40. and give them the finger when they take our picture.

41. You know my dad's too short for roller coasters.

42. - He only comes up to here. - Ooh-ooh-ooh!

43. John Redcorn set up a new-age healing center

44. out by the highway. I bet he's got a sauna.

45. We could all go for a steam.

46. Yeah. Maybe my dad'll let his guard down and say what's bothering him.

47. I could stand to sweat off a few pounds here... and here.

48. What are you talking about, Bill? You look great.

49. They gots any geishas in this crap hut?

50. Uh, yeah. Hi, John Redcorn.

51. We're looking for something to relax my dad.

52. Maybe we can use, uh, your steam room?

53. It's not a steam room. It's a sweat lodge.

54. It's one of the most intense spiritual experiences known to my people.

55. Are you talking about that thing by the port-a-john

56. that looks like a compost heap with garbage bags on it?

57. Twenty dollars each.

58. We bring seven hot stones into the center of the lodge.

59. The heat will cause the body and mind to release their toxins.

60. - Whoo! I must warn you...

61. things can get a little trippy.

62. For 20 bucks, I could've just sat in the truck with the windows rolled up.

63. Well, that's the last of it.

64. Dale, I know how I'm going to die.

65. Dale? Dale?

66. Was it good for you, too, baby?

67. Ow.

68. I wonder what that means?

69. Yeah, a sweat lodge was a wonderful idea.

70. I waited your whole life to tell you this, boy...

71. you're a good son, and I'm switching to propane.

72. Thank you, Dad.

73. Huh?

74. Hey, I know you.

75. I killed you.

76. I bazookaed you.

77. You! Got your teeth at home in a jar.

78. You, I just shot through the heart. And you...

79. - Dad, are you okay?

80. Get your prunie hands off of me, boy, I'm fine...

81. and next time you want to show me a good time, stay the hell away!

82. Grandpa, I heard you had a rocky day, so I brought you a pint of Rocky Road.

83. Nothing.

84. Who's that? A lady you saved during the war?

85. - She's pretty. - I didn't save her, I...

86. - killed her husband. - Whoa.

87. He was a Tojo. Took his wallet off the body.

88. - Spoils of war. - You sure you don't need some ice cream?

89. I don't know whats I need anymore, boy.

90. I'm feeling bad for all the things I done to the Japanese.

91. You mean like stealing from dead people?

92. Oh, you can't imagine. You're just a boy.

93. I got to gets back over to Japan and apologize,

94. but how am I going to get there? I gots no shins.

95. All my money goes to the baby's mouth mush and your step-granny's booby payments.

96. And you can tell The Bystander

97. it's called the "Widow in the Wallet."

98. Where once the soldier killed, he now makes peace.

99. How about it, Mom?

100. Wow... there is really no story in that at all.

101. Oh...

102. I sat next to that man in a sweat lodge

103. wearing nothing but a towel, boxer shorts and a bathing suit,

104. and then he goes and spills his guts to Bobby?

105. Well, this is not about Bobby.

106. This is about a man who, for 50 years, denied any human emotion

107. so he could hide from his haunting memories of war,

108. ruining his relationship with his son

109. until fate gives him one final chance to fight...

110. No, for... It's still not an interesting story.

111. I thought of this one in the tub.

112. "Canada, Not Just America's Hat."

113. I'm sorry, Peggy.

114. How about this one? "I See London. I See France."

115. Nice try.

116. Wait.

117. I do have one last idea. I call it "Widow in the Wallet."

118. Yeah! I am going to Japan!

119. The Bystander got the Japanese Tourism Bureau

120. to give me two first-class tickets,

121. but I traded them in for four coach seats.

122. I could have gotten five, but what are we gonna do, take Luanne?

123. I can't believe I'm finally going to Japan.

124. I guess I never really wanted to go there, but I still can't believe it!

125. I don't know. Taking my dad to Japan? It's a 20-hour flight,

126. and we'd have to get passports, and what if he falls into his old habits

127. of, you know, killing 'em?

128. Believe me, I'd rather go to Denton to fix this problem,

129. but there's no Japanese there. I checked the phone book.

130. I have no formal opinion on the Japanese. I know that must disappoint you.

131. Would you fellows mind taking in my newspaper while I'm gone?

132. If you let 'em stack up, it's just like telling the burglars,

133. "Please rob me

134. since I make enough money to subscribe to a paper."

135. May I suggest that we put ten miles on your truck per day

136. in case the criminals check your odometer?

137. No.

138. Hope these get through security.

139. Okay, I'm packing forks for the family.

140. If anyone loses their fork, we may not be able to replace it.

141. So, be extra careful.

142. Will my Pork Pockets work in their microwaves?

143. Mm-mm, no, they will not. It's a different frequency.

144. Ladybird, Aunt Luanne is here.

145. We're going to have a sleep over at my house, girlfriend.

146. Now, listen up. I'm only going to read this once.

147. "Hi, my name is Ladybird.

148. I like long walks, my arthritis medication

149. and two cups of kibble a day.

150. I'll try to outsmart you and get three cups,

151. but I know you're too clever for that,

152. Ms. Platter."

153. I don't know, Uncle Hank.

154. She did write this letter and everything.

155. Trip's off.

156. All right, one last thing, people.

157. If anyone gets lost in Japan, we will meet back here.

158. Oh, she...

159. She's a Japanese!

160. Dad, shh! They're called "Asians" now.

161. What? What if she knows what I done? When they get angry, they can fly at you.

162. I saw that Crouching Tiger program.

163. Sir, you are in an exit row.

164. Will you be able to assist other passengers

165. in case of an emergency?

166. Absolutely.

167. Is your son under 13?

168. He has to be 13 or older to sit in an emergency row.

169. - He is 13. - Ah.

170. To be honest, he's a great kid, but in an emergency, uh, I don't know.

171. - Dad! - I'm sorry, Bobby.

172. What can I say? He's right.

173. - Yep. - Yep.

174. Mm-hmm.

175. Oh, my God!

176. Burgle averted... but for how long?

177. We should turn on the lights to give it that lived-in look.

178. - It's locked. - Oh.

179. Also locked.

180. This place is just begging to be robbed.

181. - Give me your shirt. - Okay.

182. Have you been working out?

183. It has been 50 years since World War II ended,

184. but one American GI faces the battle of his life...

185. finding the widow of the soldier he slaughtered, then pickpocketed.

186. This is his story.

187. And he doesn't want to talk about it. The end.

188. All right, look. I would like to polish off this article before we land,

189. so I can enjoy my vacation.

190. Now, you've killed Germans, you've killed Japanese.

191. - Which do you prefer? - I ain't answering no more questions!

192. Sir, I love beer, too, but we're on duty.

193. You're out of here.

194. Hank, your father is acting like a maniac.

195. He's just sitting there with his mouth shut.

196. Okay, I'll go sit with him.

197. You keep an eye on Hugh Heffener here.

198. For your in-flight entertainment, we present Japanese-language movie, Haiko,

199. a comedy about a bus driver who is frequently late,

200. followed by our English-language selection

201. American blockbuster, Pearl Harbor, starring Ben Affleck and Kate Beckinsdale.

202. War is not forever. Love is.

203. When'd it get so dang hot?

204. Got berk... I can't breathe!

205. Move your seat up! Ain't gots no room!

206. - Dad?

207. - We're surrounded! - Sir, if you don't calm down right now,

208. we're going to have to land the plane in Hawaii.

209. I am required to issue only one warning before I Tazer you.

210. It's okay. He's having a war flashback.

211. Help me get him someplace safe until he calms down.

212. Snack time, Ladybird.

213. Ooh, sorry your hard-boiled egg is an hour late,

214. but you're so old you probably forgot, too.

215. Ladybird? Ladybird?

216. Oh, my God, what have I done? She's dead!

217. We hope you enjoy your stay here in Tokyo.

218. The local time is 7:33.

219. Be careful. He may have shifted... during flight.

220. - Are we in Hawaii? - No, we drugged you, Dad.

221. We're in Japan. Look, I know coming back here

222. must stir up all kinds of feelings and whatnot,

223. but the war was a long time ago.

224. I'm sure it's not on anyone's mind anymore.

225. Colonel Hill! Colonel Hill!

226. I am Kenji Tanemura from Kyoto News Service.

227. Tourism Board told us all about your big heartfelt apology

228. to aged Japanese widow.

229. They told you? No. No!

230. Yes. We go with you to meet her, you apologize, she will cry.

231. We will edit it for broadcast purposes. That is the process.

232. No, you can't come. It's private. It's... fall back!

233. There is nothing to worry about. He is just fighting his urge to kill you.

234. Dad? You work in a gas station.

235. Fuel this thing up, and fly me back to Texas.

236. Dang it, Dad. There's no place I'd rather be,

237. but we came here so you could make your peace

238. with the widow in the wallet.

239. Not with all them cameras out there. I needs to say my sorries in private.

240. How am I going to get past the Japarazzi? Hank, you gots to help me.

241. I don't want that poor widow to think I came over here

242. just to become a Japanese TV star.

243. Yeah, so my dad's still on the plane.

244. He had to use the lavatory and said he might be a while.

245. You know, he's old.

246. Oh... my father also struggles with the shame of incontinence.

247. Well, good luck with that.

248. Hank, I don't remember leaving a duffel bag on the plane

249. or even owning a duffel bag.

250. Hank, can't you keep that other bag of yours shut, too?

251. Good God!

252. That is the biggest Hello Kitty store I've ever seen.

253. Look at this architecture.

254. You can really see the Japanese influences.

255. Now, Hank!

256. - And... now, Hank.

257. All right, I'll do the handle, you do the card. Ready?

258. - Now!

259. Oh, my... Good Lord!

260. They build transistor radios bigger than this.

261. Where are we supposed to sleep?

262. Pull-out sofa. Yes, I called it!

263. Hank, you can share the bed with me, as is the local custom.

264. And Bobby, you can sit at that desk and sleep like you do at school.

265. Job well done.

266. Yeah, but now you can see how empty the house is.

267. I have an idea.

268. Can you zip me up, Hank?

269. Okay, pound dog. Your job is to pretend to be just like that dog over there.

270. But just not so dead.

271. - Oh, my God, it's a miracle!

272. Wait, you're getting each other mixed up, oh!

273. Dad, I'm here to offer you my services in finding that woman.

274. I can at least see over some fences you can't.

275. Nah, I'm saving it for tomorrow.

276. Got to get a good night's sleep

277. in case apologizing is harder than I think it'll be.

278. You know, I'm really proud of you.

279. It takes a war hero to kill 50 men, but it takes a gentleman to apologize.

280. And I couldn't have done it without you...

281. getting me on the plane, putting me in that bag

282. getting me off that plane, buying me them mints...

283. Well, thanks... Dad.

284. I've been wanting to do this for a long time...

285. Mr. Hill, valet.

286. Here is the roses.

287. My apologies, I was unable to find brand of cologne.

288. Here is a map for the address you requested and pants.

289. The cologne has displeased you.

290. - Dad, what's going on here? - I, uh... pooped myself.

291. Yeah, that explains the cologne and the new pants.

292. Well, what about the flowers and the map?

293. What the... You dyed your hair?

294. It's shoe polish. To make me look younger.

295. Good Lord, this wallet woman isn't some mystery.

296. - You slept with her, didn't you? - A lot.

297. - Did you even kill her husband? - Wasn't married.

298. God, dang it!

299. She's no widow, and you're no gentleman. You're a dirty old man.

300. And to think I almost shook your hand.

301. He drags us halfway around the world, so he can go on a wild-skooch hunt?

302. This is terrible. This is not the story I sold to The Arlen Bystander

303. and already wrote on the plane.

304. - But this story's even better. - Mm-hmm. Mmm, mm-hmm.

305. Cripple returns to Japan, filled with regret,

306. not for the 50 he killed, but for the one he loved.

307. Yes! I would not be surprised if they turned this article into a movie.

308. Hollywood's not going to want

309. to make a picture about an adulterer.

310. Hank, no one cheats on his 40-year-old wife with an 80-year-old ex-girlfriend.

311. Hank?

312. Tell that lying bastard I'm not here.

313. I'm going to go to the sink and take a shower.

314. I needs a picture of Hank and Bobby to bring to Michiko.

315. Show her what I done with my life.

316. Hmm, I have lots of pictures of me.

317. Oh, here's one of Hank and Bobby and me.

318. This'll do. And I thank you.

319. Nobody brings photos of their son on a bootie quest.

320. And I called him a dirty old man. I owe him an apology.

321. Peggy, can you turn your feet sideways? I can't open the door.

322. Well, this is it.

323. The squiggles on the address the concierge gave us

324. match the squiggles on the sign.

325. Ai-yah!

326. You can do it, Dad.

327. What if she doesn't remember me? It's been 50 years.

328. I think it'd take longer than that to forget you.

329. Thanks for coming, Hank. You're a good son.

330. Okay. Here goes.

331. The cologne has displeased you.