King of the Hill 6x17

Directed by Adam Kuhlman

Anna Faris as Lisa (voice) • Tara Strong as Jane #1 (voice) • David Herman as Deprogrammer (voice) • Stephanie Fybel as Jane #2 (voice)

Oblivious to its cultlike ways, Luanne joins a sorority and gets Peggy in too; Hank and the boys rescue emus from death, but don't know what to do with them.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Well, lookee who's still here. My loyal Hank.

2. My God, you look handsome today.

3. Well, thank you, sir.

4. You're welcome.

5. Now, I need you to do me a favor tonight.

6. Uh, I can't tonight, sir.

7. Peggy and I have plans... uh, romantic in nature.

8. Cancel 'em.

9. You got to run to my farm, feed my emus for me.

10. Here, feed 'em with this.

11. You want me to shoot your emus?

12. I got no choice.

13. Bottom fell out of the emu market,

14. now I'm stuck on the ass of the pyramid.

15. - But, sir, I... Uh-uh-uh!

16. I want them emus dead, Hank.

17. Make it look like a heart attack.

18. Oh. Hi, Luanne.

19. It's game night!

20. I brought the mat from Twister, the spinner from Life

21. most of Operation, and a few Monopoly pieces.

22. Can we play that? Please, please, please?

23. Oh, I'm so sorry, Luanne,

24. but I made plans with your uncle tonight.

25. I'm finally going to cash in that

26. "I owe you one dinner" coupon he gave me for our anniversary.

27. But we play games together every Friday night.

28. Luanne, you're in college.

29. You should meet some people your own age.

30. I fear I am becoming your incredibly fun crutch.

31. Well, I have seen a lot of signs on campus

32. for sorority rush week.

33. Oh, good. Sororities are a great place to make friends.

34. Now, I have never had the need to join a formal society to make friends,

35. but then again, I've never used a dating service

36. or a cookbook.

37. I'm going to do it. I'm going to rush!

38. - You want me to get that? No.

39. You got Peggy.

40. Peggy, I know it's bad customer service

41. to cancel on such short notice,

42. but I have to do an errand for Mr. Strickland tonight.

43. If you could see my face right now...

44. you would know that I have never been more disappointed

45. or more beautifully made up.

46. Geez, Peggy, I'm really sorry.

47. Uh, why don't you call Nancy?

48. No. Ever since she stopped cheating on Dale,

49. everything is Dale, Dale, Dale.

50. I guess I could call one of my other friends

51. like, uh... like, I'll just...

52. Luanne!

53. Luanne!

54. Oh, damn it.

55. I'll make it up to you.

56. You can alter that one dinner coupon to two dinners

57. and I'll initial it when I get home.

58. It's you and me tonight, Bobby.

59. You want to hit the air hockey table?

60. You got what it takes?

61. I can't tonight.

62. Joseph and I are having a guy's night out.

63. The last time you came, it was kind of weird.

64. Whooeee!

65. Oh, let's sing Lady Marmalade next.

66. I know the words!

67. And this is where we sleep.

68. Although, we don't get a lot of that done.

69. We mostly stay up late, talking about what we'd eat

70. if we weren't dieting.

71. Zeta Sigma Tau!

72. Questions?

73. A guy on the football team said that

74. all Zeta Sigma Tau girls were sluts.

75. Is that true?

76. Because I can't join if that's true.

77. Zeta Sigma Tau?

78. Oh, my God.

79. Kathryn, I have a question.

80. You're a legacy?

81. My mother and grandmother were sisters at Texas Tech.

82. Your mother and grandmother were sisters?

83. Shoot, your family's more messed up than mine.

84. So, was your mother in a house?

85. Well, she's been in a halfway house

86. and in the big house.

87. She stabbed my daddy in the back with a fork.

88. I want to thank you guys

89. for giving up time with your family and loved ones

90. to help me kill these emu.

91. No problem.

92. As a professional exterminator, I'm a killer for hire.

93. And even though I'm a killer for hire, I'm doing this pro bono.

94. That means I get the bones.

95. I know a Chinese guy who uses them to get erections.

96. Oh, they're beautiful.

97. Well, how do you like that?

98. It's eating out of my hand.

99. Hello, fella.

100. It tickles.

101. Hank, I can't kill something that's tickled me.

102. Cowards!

103. - Move away from the emu.

104. Oh.

105. I can't do it! Yes, I can.

106. No, I can't. It's too damn majestic!

107. Wait, I found the strength.

108. Oh, who am I kidding?

109. Hey, is that one laughing at me?

110. No, he's still being majestic.

111. Or is he?

112. Hey, did you just break up with your boyfriend?

113. Girlfriend?

114. I just got thrown out of a stupid sorority

115. by a bunch of rich, stuck-up cool girls

116. with great clothes

117. who think they're so hot because they don't have mamas in jail.

118. Your mother is in jail? Wow.

119. It's amazing that you're in college

120. and not trying to mug me

121. or sell me drugs right now.

122. I think so, too!

123. I'm Jane.

124. Luanne.

125. You know who'd really get you?

126. The girls at the Omega House,

127. that's where I live.

128. Maybe it's just me, but I like being somewhere

129. where people aren't snooty and mean,

130. but they like you for who you are.

131. Yes, people should be liked for who they are.

132. You know, you'd look so much better

133. with your hair just thrown off to the side a little bit.

134. "Funny bone for $400."

135. I am sorry. I have done all I can.

136. Aunt Peggy, guess what?

137. I am in a sorority.

138. This girl Jane said that I was a natural-born Omega

139. and wanted me to move right in.

140. I'll never have to waste another Friday night

141. playing games with you ever again!

142. Oh.

143. Uh, it's done, sir.

144. Good job, ol' top!

145. I'll see you at work.

146. Hey, I could use that.

147. Did he buy it?

148. I can't believe I lied to my boss.

149. I should have done the honest thing

150. and murdered the emus.

151. Aw, look at Fuzzy.

152. - He looks like he's driving.

153. Hi, Jane!

154. Luanne!

155. This is the sad girl who drinks alone on campus

156. that I told you about.

157. - Great outfit.

158. I'm so glad you came.

159. Stand back while I disarm the gate.

160. Go on in.

161. I'll grab your bags.

162. Lisa, we are here to help you.

163. I'm not Lisa!

164. My name is Jane. Let me go!

165. Oh, my baby! We finally found you.

166. We... we got to move.

167. This cult has lawyers out the yin-yang

168. and they know how to use them.

169. Whoo-hoo! Omega house forever!

170. Welcome to Omega House.

171. I am Jane.

172. This is Jane, this is Jane, Jane and Jane.

173. - What's your name? - Bonnie.

174. No, it's Jane.

175. Bonnie is the name your parents gave you.

176. Why should they get to tell you who you are?

177. They don't own you.

178. What's your name?

179. Jane.

180. We love you, Jane.

181. We love you, Jane.

182. We love you, Jane.

183. Come on, guys, how about a pillow fight?

184. Whoo! Omegas rule!

185. You, what's your name?

186. Luanne.

187. No. It's Jane.

188. Nuh-uh. She's Jane. I'm Luanne.

189. You're making this very difficult, Jane.

190. Here's a little trick I use to remember my name.

191. Okay, I think of a man named Lou, and then a woman named Anne.

192. They meet in a kingdom in the forest.

193. Ugh!

194. God, that is the worst-smelling feces I've ever smelled.

195. We've got to get rid of these emu

196. before Mr. Strickland finds out I lied to him.

197. Oh, they're so cute.

198. How could anybody hurt something so huggable?

199. Who's a good emu? Who's a...

200. Don't let them get away!

201. Here's one! I got it!

202. Ohh!

203. Why does everything I love run away from me?

204. Because you have to pet everything like an idiot.

205. Hank, guess what?

206. I'm thinking about rekindling some old friendships.

207. I'm going to call up everyone who wrote

208. "have a nice summer" in my yearbook and tell them how it went.

209. You want to join me?

210. Uh, sorry, Peggy, I've already got plans.

211. I, uh... I'm, uh, making Bobby a hammock. Yeah.

212. Uh, this rope should work.

213. Who was that girl I used to make fun of in high school?

214. Beth Berkofsky. Yes!

215. Hey, Bersnotsky, guess who this is?

216. Good morning, Omegas.

217. Rice for breakfast?

218. Oh. We had rice for dinner.

219. I'm losing weight 'cause I haven't had any meat.

220. And I lose weight in my chest first.

221. You think you are hungry.

222. But you're not.

223. Your body lies to you.

224. Just like your parents.

225. But you can trust us.

226. We will tell you when you're hungry.

227. We will tell you when you're tired.

228. Will you tell me if I have to go to the bathroom right now?

229. Because I feel like I do

230. but a lot of times when I get there, I don't,

231. and I just sit there and hum.

232. No! No bathroom!

233. Number one and number two is something you did

234. before you became an Omega.

235. We're going to take you someplace

236. where you only go number three.

237. It's called the Omega Ranch.

238. This must be where we're going for spring break!

239. The ranch is quiet and secluded so you can concentrate

240. on making our famous jams and jellies.

241. They're so delicious,

242. especially when smeared on a piping hot English muffin.

243. Ooh... Mmm...

244. The ranch is also where you'll get to meet Jane.

245. How's it going, ladies?

246. I have a large Meat Lover's pizza for Luanne.

247. Me!

248. You have an independent streak

249. that makes it very difficult for us to love you.

250. Do you like it here?

251. Well, it's cold,

252. and you won't let me sleep and you locked me in a closet...

253. but I've made a lot of new friends, so, yes!

254. I can assign you ten friends for life or zero... it's up to you.

255. Do you understand?

256. I said, do you understand?

257. Boy, if that guy on the bicycle hadn't hit it,

258. I don't know if we ever would have caught this fella.

259. Jams and jellies!

260. Get your spreadable "fruitses"!

261. Luanne?

262. Uncle Hank!

263. If they catch me talking to you,

264. they'll throw me in the closet again.

265. Yes, sir, we have blueberry.

266. I'm so tired and hungry.

267. Tastes delicious on muffins,

268. bagels, or crackers.

269. And they haven't let me pee pee

270. in two days.

271. I think they're trying to drive me crazy!

272. Are you drunk?

273. If your sorority has to sell jelly to buy beer,

274. you're drinking too much.

275. Now get in the back, I'm taking you home.

276. - And no, you are not tripping.

277. That is an emu.

278. Go! Go! Go! Hey!

279. Kidnap! Kidnap!

280. They wake me up in the middle of the night just to yell at me.

281. They must really hate me.

282. Oh, Luanne, all sororities do hazing.

283. The harder it is, the stronger the friendships.

284. Why do you think POWs are always having reunions?

285. I just opened the garage door and something big and feathery ran out.

286. Oh, God.

287. I said I wanted a pony!

288. Luanne, have you ever wondered

289. why I spend every Friday night with you?

290. Because I challenge you with my intellectual.

291. It is because I never joined a sorority.

292. I never got the chance to make lifelong friends

293. who might drop by to drink flavored coffees,

294. dish about boyfriends and my beauty secrets.

295. Now, it's not like I am without people I recognize at the supermarket,

296. but that's just not the same.

297. Come on, get in the car.

298. I'm going to take you back.

299. I don't know who she is.

300. We've never seen her before.

301. Please, just give Luanne another chance.

302. I didn't like your jam at first,

303. but I gave it a second chance.

304. So, you brought her back?

305. How would you like to come in for some rice?

306. As an organization that promotes love and unity,

307. Omega House appreciates

308. a mother as caring as you are.

309. I'm too young to be Luanne's mother.

310. I am her aunt.

311. I wish I could jump in your head and crawl around.

312. You seem like a fascinating individual.

313. You are probably very popular.

314. Actually, no.

315. It's like I was trying to tell this guy in the soup aisle yesterday.

316. I call him "Soupy."

317. It's difficult to find people you can really connect with.

318. Well, people of high intellect often intimidate people.

319. And you are of high intellect, Peggy.

320. No matter what you've been told by your husband.

321. Nope, uh-uh.

322. Your father.

323. Hmm... not really.

324. Mother.

325. How did you know?

326. Because we love you!

327. We love you, Jane.

328. We love you, Jane.

329. Okay, so we'll have your tanks filled by tomorrow.

330. Now, would you mind answering our customer service survey?

331. Have you seen any emu in your yard or adjoining property?

332. Hank! I need you to dig up them emu

333. and drop them off at my insurance company.

334. Dang pencil pushers won't pay my claim without the corpus delicti.

335. Apparently, my grief ain't proof enough.

336. Uh, hello.

337. Hank, great news.

338. My new best friend Jane took Luanne back

339. and invited me to sleep over.

340. I didn't have a nightgown, but the Omegas gave me

341. - a jumpsuit just like all the other girls.

342. Oh, God dang it! I got to run.

343. Have fun, Peggy.

344. You know what I love about this place?

345. Nobody ever gets tired of hearing about me.

346. My hobbies, favorite movies,

347. my deep-seated resentment towards my soul-crushing mother.

348. I never want it to end.

349. It never has to end, Aunt Jane.

350. See, once we get to the ranch,

351. it's going to be so beautiful and peaceful.

352. Just like a tanning bed.

353. At first I thought I was dizzy from hunger.

354. Now I realize, it is from bliss.

355. Okay, we'll take two of the strip steaks,

356. three pounds of the ground chuck

357. and, uh, four emus.

358. Oh, and could we get them shot, please?

359. Sorry, we don't carry emu.

360. Okay, give me 75 pounds of beef.

361. And, uh, you got any extra beaks you could throw in there?

362. Don't worry, Hank, I got some beaks.

363. How about this?

364. We didn't want to cruise around town

365. with a truckload of dead emu,

366. so we had them butchered and packaged.

367. Mr. Strickland will buy that, right?

368. Bill believed you, and he was there.

369. - Huh?

370. But how am I going to explain a $400 meat bill to Peggy?

371. It's not even a three-day weekend.

372. It's a good thing she's on her ladies' sleepover at the Omega House.

373. Omega House, huh?

374. I exterminated over at the Omega House once.

375. It's a cult, you know.

376. They paid me in jams and jellies.

377. What are you babbling about?

378. Omega House is Luanne's sorority.

379. What I'm babbling about is how the Omega Cult

380. recruits unsuspecting young women from campus,

381. deprives them of protein, bathrooms,

382. and all contact with their families and friends,

383. then ships them off to a ranch for general enslavement.

384. - Oh, God. Peggy!

385. Excuse me. Are you all with the cult?

386. We're not a cult.

387. We're an organization that promotes love and...

388. Yeah, this is it.

389. Peggy! Luanne!

390. It's me, your husband and your uncle.

391. We don't have any Peggys or Luannes.

392. You're thinking of blonde Jane and old Jane.

393. And they don't want to see you.

394. Peggy! Luanne!

395. Old Jane! Blonde Jane!

396. It's too late.

397. They've been deprived of protein so long

398. that their bodies are feeding off their own brains.

399. They're nothing but soulless "autonomatanomatons."

400. This is a job for meat.

401. Jam, jelly... - Janes, the bus is here.

402. Leave everything from your old lives behind.

403. Except work gloves, you'll need those.

404. My arm! It's cramping! I'm down!

405. Dang it, Dale, my wife is in there.

406. - Keep fanning!

407. Jam, jelly, jam, jelly!

408. - Jam, jelly... Peggy!

409. You can't get on the bus!

410. Trust me, you joined a cult.

411. Jam, jelly, jam, jelly,

412. jam, jelly, jam, jelly...

413. Mmm!

414. Come on. Come on.

415. No! Do not listen to that he-person!

416. He is on the wrong side of the love fence!

417. This man looks like he could use some jam and jelly.

418. I'm sorry, Hank.

419. My new friends have invited me to spend eternity, I think, with them.

420. Well, all right.

421. Have fun, then.

422. But maybe you'd like a bite for the road.

423. Oh. Mmm.

424. Mmm.

425. Old Jane, get back here!

426. My name is not Jane.

427. My name is Peggy

428. and I love meat.

429. Can you smell that? Can you?

430. Look. That guy's giving out food!

431. I'm sorry, I'm just so freaking hungry.

432. This one tickles, too.

433. That's funny.

434. I can't remember my name.

435. I think it starts with an "R."

436. Mmm...

437. Wait, it's... Luanne.

438. Janes, come back!

439. Jam, jelly, jam, jelly!

440. Jam, jelly, jam, jelly!

441. - Mm. Janes, come back!

442. - What?

443. "Autonomatonomanapotons."