1. Bobby, honey, don't worry.
Copy !req
2. Going to your grandmother's
for your birthday is gonna be great!
Copy !req
3. Let's just get this over with.
Copy !req
4. What's the matter?
Aren't you excited to fly to Arizona?
Copy !req
5. They got the Grand Canyon there.
Copy !req
6. Of course, you won't
be seeing it, but...
Copy !req
7. No. Because Grandma thinks,
"Baby Bobby might fall in."
Copy !req
8. And anyway, she's got coloring books
of the Grand Canyon.
Copy !req
9. This old man came rolling home
Copy !req
10. This is my place, Bobby.
Home sweet home.
Copy !req
11. Building 42, living space K,
in case we get separated.
Copy !req
12. I know your birthday's
not for another few days...
Copy !req
13. but I'm no good at keeping secrets.
Copy !req
14. Happy birthday.
Copy !req
15. A policeman's uniform.
Copy !req
16. "Ages seven and up."
Copy !req
17. Tillie, Bobby isn't seven years old.
Copy !req
18. He's what, nine? Ten?
Copy !req
19. I'll be 13 next week.
Copy !req
20. Thirteen? You know, in my religion...
Copy !req
21. 13 is your official
passage into manhood.
Copy !req
22. It's called a bar
mitzvah or "big party."
Copy !req
23. - Is that an Arizona thing?
- Arizona, New York, Miami.
Copy !req
24. I got so many fancy pen-and-pencil sets,
I was giving them away for years.
Copy !req
25. Pen-and-pencil set?
Copy !req
26. That is very manly.
Can I get a bar mitzvah?
Copy !req
27. I'm willing to celebrate Hanukkah.
Copy !req
28. Trust me, it's more work
than you're gonna wanna put in.
Copy !req
29. I'll tell you what.
Tomorrow, you spend the day with me...
Copy !req
30. and I'll show you
how a man enjoys Arizona.
Copy !req
31. By the time you leave here,
you'll have hair on your kishkas.
Copy !req
32. What you making, Hank?
Copy !req
33. Hey, Bill. I'm making a coffin.
Copy !req
34. - A coffin?
- Yep.
Copy !req
35. I was talking to a client the
other day about forest fires...
Copy !req
36. and I can't remember exactly how the
conversation turned to coffins.
Copy !req
37. But, well, long story
short, I got the bug.
Copy !req
38. Looks nice.
Copy !req
39. This is my bachelor pad.
Copy !req
40. And for the next week,
because you're so old...
Copy !req
41. - it's your bachelor pad.
- My own pad.
Copy !req
42. I wish my girlfriend was here.
Copy !req
43. She really likes to sit up.
Copy !req
44. - So you got yourself a girlfriend?
- Yeah. She's on the left.
Copy !req
45. - She's a little slip of a thing.
- She's got her period already.
Copy !req
46. Give it 50 years, it'll go away.
Copy !req
47. Who's the guv?
Copy !req
48. That's my best friend, Joseph.
He won't be 13 for a few months.
Copy !req
49. Well, feel free
to give your little friend a call.
Copy !req
50. I'll give you some privacy.
Copy !req
51. I almost forgot. Use my cart.
Copy !req
52. Count Dracula has
thousands of coffins.
Copy !req
53. They say he sleeps in a
different coffin every night.
Copy !req
54. I don't know if it's true.
It's just what I heard.
Copy !req
55. It sounds true.
Copy !req
56. No, it sounds made-up. I don't know.
Copy !req
57. Okay. That should do it.
Copy !req
58. That is a terrible coffin.
Copy !req
59. Mr. O'Connor, I'm Bobby Hill.
I live next door to you.
Copy !req
60. I'm having some people over
tomorrow night, eightish to whenever.
Copy !req
61. - What can I bring?
- Your appetite and your wife.
Copy !req
62. And some potato salad
if she brings her appetite.
Copy !req
63. Honey, do you want butter beans
or lima beans?
Copy !req
64. Are you building a coffin?
Copy !req
65. Yep. One for me and one for you.
Copy !req
66. Hank, why doesn't the lid on mine
close all the way?
Copy !req
67. It does. I mean, it almost closes.
Copy !req
68. - I'll make sure it closes come the big day.
- No, Hank.
Copy !req
69. You will build me a new one.
Copy !req
70. Because if you try to stick the late
Peggy Hill in an inferior casket...
Copy !req
71. she will come back to haunt you.
I will see to it.
Copy !req
72. "To Mr. Bobby Hill."
Copy !req
73. Yes! Today I am a man!
Copy !req
74. You know, Joseph is also coming home
today from summer camp.
Copy !req
75. So I thought we'd all
go out to dinner.
Copy !req
76. We're meeting the Gribbles
over at Rattlesnake's.
Copy !req
77. That's nice. Joseph's a good kid.
Copy !req
78. I'm planning on taking him
under my wing...
Copy !req
79. like Garry did with me.
Copy !req
80. - Joseph?
- Hev. Bobby.
Copy !req
81. So, did you grow mostly in a few nights
or evenly throughout the summer?
Copy !req
82. I don't know.
Copy !req
83. Hi, I'm Jennifer. How
is everyone tonight?
Copy !req
84. Jennifer, we're fantastic!
Copy !req
85. Can I start you out
with something to drink?
Copy !req
86. No. I'll take the other menu
like my young friend.
Copy !req
87. Thank you, Jennifer.
Copy !req
88. Bobby, order off the kid's menu
while you still can. It's cheaper.
Copy !req
89. - I'll have beer.
- Beer.
Copy !req
90. Beer, Jennifer!
Copy !req
91. - Let me guess. Beer.
- Who?
Copy !req
92. - What? Me?
- Him?
Copy !req
93. So, can you believe it?
Copy !req
94. He must have put six inches on him.
Copy !req
95. Can you believe it? Hank, can you?
Copy !req
96. - Peggy, can you believe it?
- Well, I have to, Dale.
Copy !req
97. - I see Joseph right here.
- You got to see it to believe it.
Copy !req
98. - Well put.
- I could take your order now.
Copy !req
99. - Chicken!
- Sir?
Copy !req
100. - Chicken.
- Okay.
Copy !req
101. Son?
Copy !req
102. The chicken, please.
Copy !req
103. Is that the Chicken Wing Dings
or the Choo Choo Chicken Fingers?
Copy !req
104. Choc Choc.
Copy !req
105. Well, how's my little birthday man?
Copy !req
106. - You notice I said "man."
- You also said "little."
Copy !req
107. Bobby, honey,
I know you want an adult party.
Copy !req
108. And what you need
is a professional disc jockey.
Copy !req
109. So, guess where I was
from 3:10 until 5:00 today?
Copy !req
110. The Learning Annex.
Copy !req
111. DJ Spaz taught me
how to really turn it out.
Copy !req
112. - Mom—
- I learned how to scratch.
Copy !req
113. - No.
- And cut and wipe—
Copy !req
114. I was kind of hoping that you and Dad would
stay in the garage during the party.
Copy !req
115. But I have carried the cake in
12 years in a row.
Copy !req
116. All right.
Copy !req
117. It's your father, isn't it?
You know, he will be fine...
Copy !req
118. - if you only want me there, honey—
- Mom!
Copy !req
119. Very well. Let's get your first big
mistake as a teenager out of the way.
Copy !req
120. Hey, Joseph.
Copy !req
121. My mom said I could have
a six-foot sub for my party.
Copy !req
122. I could use a little
help taste-testing.
Copy !req
123. I don't have time for this, Bobby. I've
got a lot of important stuff to stow.
Copy !req
124. It's my 13th birthday.
Copy !req
125. And if you want me to sneak you
into any PG-13 movies...
Copy !req
126. you had better get on your bike
and help me eat subs!
Copy !req
127. I said no.
Copy !req
128. So then I asked Joseph
if he wanted to go riding bikes.
Copy !req
129. And he was all:
Copy !req
130. "No. I got some things to do
around the house."
Copy !req
131. What's with that? He
went to kids' camp.
Copy !req
132. I'm the one who just spent a week
in a retirement community.
Copy !req
133. You know, Bobby...
Copy !req
134. there are some days of the month that
I don't like to ride a bike either.
Copy !req
135. You mean because you got your period?
Copy !req
136. - I chose not to use that word.
- Why?
Copy !req
137. - It's a natural, beautiful thing.
- You don't understand.
Copy !req
138. You're not there yet.
Copy !req
139. You had better check the map, honey!
Copy !req
140. Because I am living in downtown there!
Copy !req
141. So, fixing up your bike to sell it?
Copy !req
142. I guess you'll be getting a motorcycle
or a Town Car or something.
Copy !req
143. Yeah. Well, here's an invitation
for my birthday party.
Copy !req
144. There's gonna be a lot of stuff
you'll like there.
Copy !req
145. - You know, grown-up stuff like dancing.
- Dancing?
Copy !req
146. No, I don't think so.
Copy !req
147. What is so funny, Mr. Five-Feet-Ten-inches
with your fancy armpit hair?
Copy !req
148. I'm guessing.
Copy !req
149. Joseph, what's going on?
Copy !req
150. - I can't dance.
- Compared to me, no.
Copy !req
151. I've got stretch marks on my shoulders
and zits on my back.
Copy !req
152. I can't even ride my own bike anymore!
Copy !req
153. And a million times a day my dad asks
me, "How's the weather up there?"
Copy !req
154. Tell him it's fair to partly stupid.
Copy !req
155. Man, you always know just what to say.
Copy !req
156. That's why you have a girlfriend.
Copy !req
157. Yeah, I do, don't I?
Copy !req
158. I want a girl, too! Oh, God!
Copy !req
159. I just can't stop thinking about them!
Copy !req
160. I can't get girls out of my head!
I just... Just get out!
Copy !req
161. Come on, Joseph. I told Charise
you were coming to my party...
Copy !req
162. and she didn't turn me down.
Copy !req
163. I bet she grew this summer, too.
Copy !req
164. And she's always been really tall.
Copy !req
165. - I didn't know you sewed, Hank.
- Sewer!
Copy !req
166. I am not sewing.
Copy !req
167. I am upholstering, which is one of
the five original industrial arts.
Copy !req
168. Whatever you say, Aunt Bee.
Copy !req
169. While you're at it, maybe you can
quilt one of them coffins for me.
Copy !req
170. It's only a matter of time
before Joseph's hormonal rage...
Copy !req
171. forces him to kill me in my sleep
and marry my mother.
Copy !req
172. Anyhoo,
are you gonna button-tuck the folds?
Copy !req
173. Yeah, man. You know,
needle got a lot of better ways...
Copy !req
174. in them dang old...
Button-tucking them folds?
Copy !req
175. Well, I won't be able
to blow out my candles...
Copy !req
176. because you just took my breath away.
Copy !req
177. Happy birthday, Bobby.
Copy !req
178. Have you girls seen the new Joseph?
Copy !req
179. Hey, Alexis. Hi, Stacy.
Copy !req
180. Oh, Hank. I have carried in
Bobby's birthday cake...
Copy !req
181. for every one of his birthdays.
Copy !req
182. I am the Cal Ripken of birthday cakes.
Copy !req
183. Now look at me.
Copy !req
184. Banished to the garage while
Bobby's party goes on without me...
Copy !req
185. or a decent mix tape.
Copy !req
186. Hey, let's start a new tradition
for Bobby's birthday.
Copy !req
187. What do you say
you and me just cut loose?
Copy !req
188. And I ordered pizza.
Copy !req
189. Come on. I want to show you something.
Copy !req
190. Feel that.
Copy !req
191. It's so plush.
Copy !req
192. Well, it better be. it's silk
stuffed with Canadian goose down.
Copy !req
193. See, I made yours better than mine.
Copy !req
194. Mine's just fiberfill left over
from when we insulated the attic.
Copy !req
195. Oh, Hank.
It's like sleeping on a marshmallow.
Copy !req
196. Come on, J! Help me bust a move.
Copy !req
197. Sorry. I just... Sorry.
Copy !req
198. What are you staring at, weirdo?
Copy !req
199. Where are you going?
I totally hooked you up with Charise.
Copy !req
200. - Why didn't you put the moves on her?
- I don't have any moves, Bobby.
Copy !req
201. Okay. I like working
with a clean slate.
Copy !req
202. Come learn moves from the master.
Copy !req
203. As promised, I present
to you the VIP sub.
Copy !req
204. Hey, your hands are really soft.
Copy !req
205. I have a new soap.
Copy !req
206. Well, you must be using it
on your face, too...
Copy !req
207. because your skin is beautiful.
Copy !req
208. What are you talking about?
My face is all broken out.
Copy !req
209. - Hey, did you kiss me today?
- What?
Copy !req
210. Enjoy.
Copy !req
211. Bobby! Joseph is right here!
Copy !req
212. So? Maybe he'll learn something.
Copy !req
213. Bobby, you did this
so Joseph could watch?
Copy !req
214. You're such a creep!
Copy !req
215. Oops.
Copy !req
216. Time of the month.
Copy !req
217. Hey, don't blame you
being a jerk on my...
Copy !req
218. Which I'm not about to talk
to either of you about...
Copy !req
219. and which I am not even having anyway
because of track!
Copy !req
220. Joseph likes to watch.
Copy !req
221. Use doorbell, you idiot!
Copy !req
222. Connie, it's for you.
Copy !req
223. If it's Bobby, slam
the door in his face!
Copy !req
224. I wish it was so I could.
But it just Jolly Gribble Giant.
Copy !req
225. What is it now? Did you come here
to watch me do my homework?
Copy !req
226. I just wanted to say
it was all my fault.
Copy !req
227. I mean, Bobby did it
to help me 'cause...
Copy !req
228. I'm such a... Oh, man!
Copy !req
229. I'm not good with girls.
Copy !req
230. You can't be any worse than Bobby.
Copy !req
231. The way he tried to
kiss me in front of...
Copy !req
232. - Well, you were there.
- Anyways, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
233. So, see you. Bye.
Copy !req
234. Ow!
Copy !req
235. Idiot!
Copy !req
236. No, you're not.
I don't think you're an idiot.
Copy !req
237. Connie, I rehearsed an apology.
But I'm gonna throw it away...
Copy !req
238. because nothing says "I'm sorry"
like "I'm sorry."
Copy !req
239. Connie, I rehearsed an apology. But...
Copy !req
240. Bobby, are you okay?
Copy !req
241. . Qw!
'BObbyl
Copy !req
242. If my hand didn't hurt so much,
I'd do it again.
Copy !req
243. What the hell?
Copy !req
244. Stop it!
Copy !req
245. I'm bleeding!
Copy !req
246. Oh, look at you. You grow like bamboo.
Copy !req
247. - Hey, what happened to his nose?
- I took care of business.
Copy !req
248. Me and my hammer.
Copy !req
249. We'd better get some ice on that before
you bleed all over the hand-loomed kilim.
Copy !req
250. - What were you doing, Connie?
- I don't know. It just...
Copy !req
251. I think you'd better calm down.
Copy !req
252. How can I calm down?
Copy !req
253. You were kissing Joseph!
You are not allowed to kiss Joseph!
Copy !req
254. I can kiss whoever I want, Bobby.
Copy !req
255. So I guess you're dating Joseph now,
is that it?
Copy !req
256. Well, maybe I wanted to kiss a guy
with a mustache.
Copy !req
257. And maybe I didn't
want to wait for you.
Copy !req
258. What? I made you!
Copy !req
259. You were just a dumb "A" student
until I hit the scene!
Copy !req
260. Why would you... I just don't...
That does it!
Copy !req
261. I am breaking up with you.
Copy !req
262. Oh, that's right. You blew it!
Copy !req
263. Jerk!
Copy !req
264. That little hillbilly
pack quite a wallop.
Copy !req
265. - You want some naproxen?
- No, I'm okay.
Copy !req
266. How did tall, dark, and handsome get
butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?
Copy !req
267. Joseph. What's going on?
Copy !req
268. Oh, you so cute.
Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.
Copy !req
269. Joseph, how could you?
Copy !req
270. Sorry. I just...
Copy !req
271. I thought you liked me.
Copy !req
272. Oh, yeah. You rock my world.
Copy !req
273. What the...
Copy !req
274. Something at the party
must have upset Joseph.
Copy !req
275. You know, it's an awkward age...
Copy !req
276. what with acne and whatnot.
Copy !req
277. You think I should get out of my
coffin and see what's going on?
Copy !req
278. Over my dead body.
Copy !req
279. I'm sure they're fine. Pass the chips.
Copy !req
280. Hey, Joseph. How's the
weather up there?
Copy !req
281. That's it!
Copy !req
282. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
283. I came to apologize
and make out with tongues.
Copy !req
284. I don't know where your tongue's been.
Copy !req
285. Oh, wait. Yes, I do.
Copy !req
286. I didn't mean to kiss Joseph.
It was just that...
Copy !req
287. He was so sad and tall.
Copy !req
288. And you're so loose and cheap.
Copy !req
289. Connie, wait!
Copy !req
290. Where are you going?
Copy !req
291. I'm going as far as...
Copy !req
292. an eighth of a tank of gas'll get me.
Copy !req
293. Take me with you.
Copy !req
294. What are you doing with my woman?
Copy !req
295. - I'm not your property!
- Leave us alone.
Copy !req
296. I said I was sorry. So
let's do tongues now.
Copy !req
297. - You're going to French?
- No way!
Copy !req
298. - You said.
- I did not!
Copy !req
299. Oh, no!
Copy !req
300. My Bl-Ig-a-Bago!
Copy !req
301. What evil hath been wrought
to befall this upon me?
Copy !req
302. Who did this?
Copy !req
303. - I don't know, Dale.
- Was it you?
Copy !req
304. Let me... I wanna...
Copy !req
305. Calm down, Dale.
Maybe one of these kids saw something.
Copy !req
306. Bobby, did you see who did this?
Copy !req
307. It was probably teenagers.
Copy !req
308. - Yep. Teenagers.
- Teenagers.
Copy !req
309. Damn teenagers!
Copy !req
310. I guess you're off the hook.
Copy !req
311. But don't leave town.
Copy !req
312. Who wants birthday cake?
Copy !req
313. Yes! Thirteen for 13!
Copy !req
314. In your face, boy!
Copy !req
315. Jennifer, we're fantastic!
Copy !req