King of the Hill 5x20

Directed by Gary McCarver

Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • Natasha Melnick as (voice) • Madeline Zima as (voice) • Gwen Stefani as Self (voice) • Adrian Young as Self (voice) • Gwen Stefani as Gwen Stefani (voice) • Adrian Young as Adrian Young (voice)

Bobby avoids a beating by high schoolers by pretending to be one of them.

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!req King of the Hill 5x20 [02:32]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Hank, can I use your bathroom? - No!

2. - But I locked myself out of my house. - No!

3. Can I use your phone to call a locksmith?

4. If I let you use the phone, you'll sneak in and use the toilet.

5. Look, I'd prefer it if no one ever had to use a bathroom,

6. but until that day, let's just make the best of it

7. and respect one another's privacy.

8. "From the lukewarm headwaters of the mighty Brazos River..."

9. Stop it! Stop it!

10. Well, it is his cooler.

11. Okay, I'm putting you in charge of buying our prom tickets at lunch tomorrow.

12. I have to break it to Kim and Dooley they're out of the limo.

13. Are you listening, Bobby? - Yeah.

14. Come on.

15. We can't cut through the high school parking lot.

16. We're middle schoolers, they hate us.

17. High school students are far too busy with their studies

18. to care about us riding through their parking lot.

19. Connie, come back!

20. Ooh! You are forcing me to protect you.

21. Uh-oh!

22. Hey, shorty, where do you think you're going?

23. We don't want any trouble, gentlemen.

24. Well, we're not letting you pass until you give us a little song.

25. This is crazy. Just because we go to middle school...

26. - Connie, go! - Hey!

27. Get him!

28. Oh!

29. I'm going to beat the crap out of you!

30. Oh...

31. If you're not going to help, be quiet!

32. Oh, man. Dude, there he is!

33. - Yep. - Yep.

34. Mm-hmm.

35. What the heck?

36. You know, Hank, your selfish refusal to let Bill use your bathroom

37. got me thinking.

38. I plan on creating and then cornering the premium Porta Potti market.

39. It'll be the best dollar a person could spend.

40. Nobody is gonna want to pay good money to use a stinky portable... washroom.

41. Stinky?

42. With the finest lotions, the softest tissues,

43. and the most pleasing lighting design,

44. the Port-a-Gribble will be a four-by-five-by-eight-foot

45. slice of paradise.

46. Finally, a vacation I can afford.

47. Not-not-not so fast.

48. A dollar buys the key. That's the friend price.

49. Thank you.

50. I feel like I'm a millionaire construction worker.

51. What the...

52. What no run around here in a little flappy getup?

53. What? What'd I miss?

54. Hank, we are getting his bike right now.

55. If we move fast, maybe we can still find his pants.

56. Peggy, if we get his bike now, we'll be getting it for him until he's 16.

57. Then we'll be getting his truck.

58. It's kind of a tradition for high schoolers

59. to pick on the young and the weak.

60. No offense, son.

61. All right, I'll go get the bike.

62. Just make sure you videotape my chef programs while I'm in the coma.

63. Don't be a hero. Curl up in a ball and cry if you have to.

64. Listen, if anything happens, promise me you'll take care of Connie.

65. Make sure she goes to the prom. It's really important to her.

66. Me and Connie at the prom?

67. Wow.

68. I won't let you down.

69. Bobby...

70. Tom Landry Middle School Rules.

71. T.L.M.S.R.

72. Oh, where's my bike?

73. Yeah, so before I knew it, me entire bangs were on fire.

74. Okay, okay, okay. But did he say whether or not he likes me?

75. Wow!

76. Eh... ooh!

77. Okay, let's go, freshman. That was the warning bell.

78. Freshman? No, no, sir. I'm still in middle school.

79. Look, I know it's tough in there for a freshman. They're animals.

80. I got some advice for you, puff out your chest and walk like this.

81. I saw a gorilla do it on a nature show.

82. Scared the crap out of me. Now, go on.

83. and the uterine wall sloughs off...

84. Hm?

85. Ooh.

86. Taco Bueno in school?

87. I thought that was just an urban legend.

88. Godspell? That was banned in middle school!

89. I have arrived!

90. I am so wuzzup!

91. Bobby! Thank God you're alive!

92. I've never been more alive in my life.

93. I was in high school. It was like I was living in a dream.

94. But if it was all a dream,

95. how did I get this burrito wrapper from Taco Bueno?

96. That's right!

97. Taco Bueno, in the food court at the high school.

98. Do they have a language lab? Did you notice what the teacher-student ratio was?

99. Oh, my mind is just racing with questions!

100. I got to get back. The Colonel's cooking up something tasty for lunch.

101. In the food court, at the high school.

102. Hey, fresh-meat, this is the senior bathroom.

103. I'm going to shove your head in the toilet.

104. Aah! Put me down! My growth is stunted!

105. My kidneys are broken! I'm really a senior!

106. Like that kid on that old TV show?

107. Yes! Exactly like that kid on that old TV show!

108. Now, put me down!

109. You know, you do look kind of familiar. Didn't we see you at Conklin's party?

110. Anybody who says they remember that party wasn't really there.

111. Huh! Dude. Dude.

112. Okay, so what's the deal with all the No Doubt posters?

113. Hey, wait, I thought you said you went to school here.

114. I do. Um, but I've been in dialysis the last couple of months.

115. Lefty shut down, and I just got him working again.

116. Whoa, sucks for you.

117. Well, anyway, we're in the middle of a big radio contest

118. with, like, every high school in Texas.

119. If we win, No Doubt's going to play our prom.

120. We're in fifth place, behind a Catholic girl's school.

121. Those chicks are tough.

122. No Doubt rules!

123. All we've got is some Vegas theme at our dance.

124. At the hospital.

125. So, what do you do? Eat weird stuff?

126. Eat stuff, stack stuff, spray-paint stuff.

127. We listen to PIG 106 every morning. Wacky and Steve tell us what to do.

128. Aww, yeah! It's pep rally time!

129. - Come on, Kidney Boy. - Yeah... Oh...

130. Wow! Your cheerleaders really have boobies.

131. Yeah. Even junior varsity has them.

132. Okay, settle, people, settle.

133. You're going to want to hear this one.

134. Conklin!

135. Okay, I just got word from Wacky and Steve

136. that Pearce High School lost their liability insurance

137. and can't do the "Dishwasher of Doom," so they are out!

138. That puts us in the top four, with 296 points!

139. There's no doubt we're going to win this thing!

140. I love this school!

141. Yeah!

142. Friends, I know you've used toilets,

143. but I'll wager you've never truly experienced one!

144. Why just relieve yourself when you can reward yourself?

145. Mr. Strickland, is it?

146. Well, I might be able to conjure up a little something.

147. Hank, pay the toilet man!

148. All right, Anthony, the record's a minute. You ready?

149. Let me out! I can't breathe!

150. I taste soap! I taste soap!

151. Do we have anybody short? Where's that petite kid who tumbles?

152. Rosemary? She moved to Oklahoma.

153. I'll do it!

154. What about your kidneys?

155. They're full of Arlen High spirit!

156. Who is he?

157. He's so cute, and... and helpless.

158. Kidney Boy. We call him that because of his bad kidneys.

159. You mean, like, he could die any minute?

160. Try any second.

161. Whoo! Yeah! Arlen High rules!

162. I can't stop thinking about Connie.

163. I know she's Bobby's girl, but I love her.

164. They're not married. Go for it.

165. I need the latest hard numbers in the No Doubt competition.

166. An estimate does me no good.

167. PIG 106 says Lubbock is getting a point a person

168. for cramming kids into a phone booth.

169. A phone booth? Aw, how we ever going to beat that?

170. Wait, I've got something that is the size of a phone booth

171. and smells like a phone booth.

172. A Porta Potti!

173. No Doubt is ours! Bobby?

174. Uh... eh?

175. Please tell me you bought our prom tickets.

176. Oh! I've got a situation here, Connie.

177. Lubbock is cramming kids into a phone booth.

178. I'll get the tickets tomorrow.

179. Bobby, they're sold out!

180. It turns out all those nerds who said they have girlfriends

181. at other schools weren't lying.

182. Well, then... come with me to the high school prom.

183. They're getting No Doubt to play.

184. The high school prom?

185. Me, at the high school prom,

186. hanging out with Arlen's best teachers.

187. - Who's the middle school cheese? - Oh, no, no, no.

188. She's a high school girl I know from the Children's Hospital.

189. Yeah, she has a... a little tail.

190. It's not like a monkey, more like a hamster.

191. They can't operate so they're dissolving it with Compound W.

192. Oh, that brave little hamster girl.

193. And you are so sweet to take care of her.

194. I like the bow tie. Lose everything else.

195. Whoa, check you out!

196. That is one fly tux.

197. - Is that Hamster Girl? - Shhh. She's very sensitive.

198. And she has super-hearing.

199. Oh, because I was going to tell you that Vivian wants to go to the prom with you.

200. What are you staring at?

201. - Nothing, I was, uh, I was... - Can you pick up things with your tail?

202. - Like... like that shoe? - Yeah, does it wag when you're happy?

203. Connie, why don't we try this tux on in the dressing room?

204. Bobby, why do those guys think I have a tail?

205. Oh, probably because medical science...

206. Oh, I told them you had one.

207. - Why were you making fun of me? - No, no, no, no.

208. It's very romantic.

209. You have a tail. I have bad kidneys.

210. We met on a rainy day at hospital camp.

211. And now we can go to the high school prom.

212. I thought they liked you because you were so cool,

213. not pitied you because you're a freak.

214. No. I have the medical condition. You're the freak.

215. You've got to keep this straight or we're never going to pull it off.

216. I am not going to pretend I have a medical problem!

217. There are people who really have tails! Maybe.

218. Well, I'm not going!

219. Fine! But I'm going to the high school prom!

220. - What's with Hamster Girl? - Oh, she can't go to the prom.

221. She's having that problem with her DNA or something.

222. I don't know. It's bad.

223. Hey, that means you can take Vivian!

224. Dude! Dude!

225. Let's go, Kidney Boy. Come on, suck it in.

226. I... uh, um...

227. thought maybe if you're not still creeped out by me,

228. you might go to the prom with me.

229. I've got two tickets, if you're not still, you know, creeped out.

230. I'd be honored.

231. Everybody settle down.

232. Any minute now, I'm expecting a phone call from PIG 106.

233. And we're going to find out...

234. Uh... hello?

235. Yes, hello. I would like to order a pizza.

236. Please, ma'am, we're trying to keep the line clear.

237. You've been pranked by Wacky and Steve!

238. Hey, we have a lady here who'd like to speak to you.

239. She is really hot, and I know I've spent more than a few nights thinking about her.

240. Here she is, Steve's mom!

241. Dang, now I've been pranked. Let's just get to the get to.

242. There's someone that wants to talk to you.

243. Hey, what's up? This is Gwen from No Doubt.

244. Hey, this is Tom from No Doubt.

245. Hey, how you doing? This is Tony rom No Doubt.

246. That's not Tony. That was Adrian. I'm Tony from No Doubt.

247. Sorry we can't talk, but we got to call Lubbock

248. and tell them they lost to Arlen High. Whoo!

249. Congratulations, you guys. See you at the prom.

250. You still in there, Peggy?

251. What are you doing?

252. Uncle Hank, is that you? I really need someone to talk to.

253. Uncle Hank!

254. Okay, Dale, you win. I need to use your... porta-room.

255. Oh, so now Mr. "I'll Only Share a Toilet With My Wife"

256. wants to share one with us. Take a walk, toilet snob.

257. Nuh, nuh, hold on, Bill.

258. Here at Porta-Gribble we reserve the right to refuse service to no one.

259. No shirt, no shoes... yes, service.

260. Hm. Flowers.

261. He's a squatter!

262. All right! What are we water ballooning? Cows?

263. Even better. Tonight's the middle school prom.

264. As high schoolers,

265. we should be doing something way cooler than this.

266. Bowling's on me!

267. We can steal shoes.

268. Thanks. - Run, Dooley.

269. You got soaked.

270. Well, you're just jealous because it's Friday night and we have dates.

271. Hey, Hamster Girl, what are you doing here?

272. Uh, she's... she's...

273. - In middle school. - Middle school?

274. Yeah, the Compound W dissolved the rest of my tail.

275. They thought middle school would be less stressful

276. after, you know, losing my tail and all.

277. Okay, so you're, like, all normal now?

278. Yes, I'm cured.

279. Good. 'Cause otherwise, I'd feel bad about this.

280. Ah!

281. Get out of the way!

282. If you want to hit a middle schooler, you might as well hit me.

283. - What? - This is my real school.

284. I am a middle schooler.

285. He's so lame. Let's soak him.

286. Yeah! Soak in it!

287. Soak in your lies, Kidney Boy!

288. Come on, Connie, let's go inside.

289. Uh, hold on, Joseph.

290. Aw, that's it. I can't take these mind games anymore.

291. You're going to have to choose right now. Is it him or me?

292. What? Bobby is my boyfriend. You know that.

293. I'm still your boyfriend? Really?

294. Yes, but because you were such a jerk,

295. I don't have prom tickets so I'm going with Joseph.

296. Cool.

297. Joseph understands that you only went to the prom with him

298. to get back at me, right?

299. Uh, I don't really think he does.

300. It's actually a bit of a mess.

301. Hey, Kidney Boy.

302. A prom ticket!

303. Yeah. We got to thinking that you did help us win.

304. And No Doubt heard about the Kidney Boy.

305. So you better be there, and you better look sick.

306. Oh-ho, I'll be there. On one condition.

307. - Hey, aren't you Kidney Boy? - No, sir, I'm not.

308. Kidney Boy is gone for good.

309. Kidney Boy died. He's gone.

310. What's up, Arlen High?

311. Um... I just got some terrible news.

312. This next song is dedicated to the memory of Kidney Boy.

313. - Poor Kidney Boy. - One, two, three, four.

314. Conklin!