King of the Hill 5x16

1. Bobby.

2. Bobby!

3. - Bobby? - Shh!

4. Bobby is in what I hope is not his death bed.

5. More juice, crazier straw.

6. Roger that.

7. - Hey, son. Are you sick? - Don't kiss me, Dad.

8. I could be contagious.

9. Looks normal.

10. Put that on my headstone, will ya?

11. You know, it frightens me to think that we raised Bobby

12. for 12 years without the Internet.

13. Parents without the Internet should have their children taken away.

14. Well, what's it say?

15. He has Cedar Fever or a sinus infection

16. or he may be allergic to something else. I do not know.

17. We have to take him to the doctor.

18. How do you know it isn't just a runny nose?

19. His temperature is normal. You know, when I was his age,

20. I painted the living room with a separated shoulder.

21. Well, I am searching the Web as fast as I can.

22. Apparently, there is a local rock band named Cedar Fever

23. and it's complicating my research.

24. Strickland Propane, taste the meat, not the...

25. Okay, okay. There's no time for that.

26. Hank, I am over at the doctor's officewith Bobby.

27. There is something you will want to know right away.

28. Is something wrong with...

29. Get over here!

30. Bobby! Thank God. What happened?

31. They were pricking my back with pins.

32. Oh, you were getting an allergy test.

33. - You still want that Merlin tattoo? - Hank.

34. It's not good.

35. And it's about Bobby.

36. Bobby is having an allergic reaction to dander.

37. Now, your wife tells me you have a dog.

38. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, Charlie.

39. Now, what does a dog have to do with anything?

40. Bobby is allergic to the dog.

41. Well, you said dander. How do you know that Peggy doesn't have the dander?

42. Well, you're in that school with kids from all over.

43. She got lice once.

44. Hank, the test was specifically for dog dander.

45. And you once came home from Mexico with a butt worm.

46. Allergies can come and go suddenly and mysteriously.

47. It's a fascinating field.

48. Uh, you could try bathing Ladybird three times a week, then vacuuming her.

49. Well, I already do that.

50. Hank, that dog is going out of the house.

51. Look, if you want a dog inside, it says right here

52. that there are several hypoallergenic breeds of dog

53. such as poodles or a hairless.

54. A poodle?

55. Why not go all the way and just get me a cat and a sex-change operation?

56. Can't we just give Bobby something?

57. You could give him daily shots, but Bobby...

58. Well, we had enough trouble with the pinpricks.

59. There are pills, but they don't often work

60. and their side effects include drowsiness, hives and rectal bleeding.

61. And most people find it much simpler just to get rid of the dog.

62. We'll try the pills.

63. You just say the word and Ladybird will die a mysterious death.

64. I know several poisons that have the meaty taste dogs love.

65. You know, Hank, I could take in Ladybird.

66. She sniffed me once and did not look displeased.

67. Thanks, Bill. But Ladybird deserves better than that.

68. Oh, I know.

69. When I was growing up, we had a dog that we kept outside in its own little house.

70. - Hank doesn't want your old dog. - No, no, Bill's right.

71. I could build Ladybird a doghouse.

72. I was going to build her one when she was a puppy,

73. but then Bobby came along and I got sidetracked making a crib.

74. Maybe this is the second chance I've been waiting for.

75. Now, if you have any suggestions for improvements,

76. make them now before I file the permits.

77. - It looks too small. - It's a model, Dale.

78. In that case, it's just right.

79. Hank, Bobby's only breathing through his mouth.

80. - I'm afraid to bring him lunch. - Give Bobby some more pills.

81. I still have to put in the baseboards and bolt the walls to the foundation.

82. Well, gee, Hank, I would love to give our son another handful of pills,

83. but he's been asleep for 18 hours.

84. Look, I'm as concerned as you are, Peggy, but I need more time.

85. I can't have a dog in there licking at exposed wiring.

86. The floor is warm. - That's the radiant sub-floor heating.

87. You know, 80 percent of a dog's heat loss is through its pads.

88. Okay, that figure came from the radiant floor people,

89. so it may be a little high.

90. "Although we move you into Barkingham Palace today..."

91. "... we will always leave

92. a doggie door open into our hearts...

93. and we hope we have made your home

94. as wonderful as you have made ours

95. these past 13 years."

96. Okay. Luanne, the champagne.

97. Forgive me.

98. Push her in.

99. We all came to see the opening of a doghouse.

100. This can't be easy.

101. She's slept at the foot of our bed for 13 years.

102. Don't blame Ladybird. Blame me.

103. Well, of course I blame you!

104. I made the architect's first mistake. I designed it for me, not the client.

105. I can do this fast. I promise.

106. Okay, grand reopening in 36 hours. This time, no gifts.

107. Bill, Bill, not today! Abort! Abort!

108. I've got the back scratcher close to the food dispenser

109. in case Ladybird wants to scratch and eat at the same time.

110. Hank, I can give her a good home.

111. Ladybird won't go in her doghouse,

112. and her doghouse is already better than your house.

113. Maybe instead of three, you could take six or seven.

114. Whatever.

115. They're not doing much for the dog hair, but watch this.

116. Bobby, that cannot be good for you.

117. Hank, it is only fair to warn you that tomorrow I am shaving the dog.

118. She's going out in the morning. Just give her one last night.

119. You know, the allergies won't clear up right away.

120. Ladybird's dander is all over the house.

121. We're going to have to steam-clean the furniture,

122. probably replace the carpets.

123. We'll have to wash or dry-clean all of our clothes, then vacuum all over.

124. Huh.

125. You know, Ladybird hasn't gone in the doghouse

126. so there's no dander in there.

127. And the air filter would work better in a small room.

128. And for less than the cost of cleaning the house,

129. we could pay to have a second TV set hooked up to the cable.

130. Hank, the dog is not getting a television.

131. No, Peggy, don't be silly.

132. What I was thinking was Bobby could live in the doghouse.

133. Yeah, that'll work. Bobby's only 13, he's young.

134. It'll be fun for him. But Ladybird's 13.

135. She doesn't have much time left and she's set in her ways.

136. Yep, that works all around.

137. Ladybird! Daddy's got your din-din!

138. You'll be like Tom Sawyer, Bobby.

139. But instead of a raft, you'll have a doghouse.

140. Okay, Bobby, you've indulged your father long enough. Now get out.

141. Get... He's not getting out.

142. He must be stuck. Hank!

143. I'll take it.

144. Bobby, honey, I do not know what your father told you,

145. but he has to love you whether you move in or not.

146. Mom, this is a perfect starter home.

147. I like the neighborhood.

148. I won't have to change schools and it's Connie adjacent.

149. Bobby is a big boy, Peggy. You can't hang on forever.

150. It's time to move on, Mom.

151. The courtesy of an invitation. That's all I ask.

152. Peggy, we couldn't even fit in the door.

153. Tony's pizza will do nicely until Dad installs my kitchen grill.

154. I stole a bottle of Chianti from my dad.

155. I poured out the wine so we can put a candle in it.

156. You can't beat that view of the alley.

157. Yeah.

158. Hey, Peggy Hill.

159. Connie want to have your Bobby over to play. You had him fixed, right?

160. Well, I'm glad you find my son's sickness so amusing.

161. If he were living in a plastic bubble, I would be having lunch with Elton John.

162. But because he is in a doghouse...

163. Big laugh.

164. Well, you know what would be really funny? You know what would be really funny, huh?

165. If Connie broke her leg!

166. Oh, look. We got a letter from Bobby.

167. Oh, apparently, he can't make it to the Gribbles' anniversary party.

168. Hank, people are starting to talk.

169. Well, let them talk. I say this is good for Bobby.

170. He's learning a little bit about the real world out there in the doghouse.

171. And look you with the spiffiest new office in town.

172. Yes, it is everything I have always deserved.

173. But I have turned our son into a stranger.

174. I am moving back into the closet.

175. Well, if that's what you think is best.

176. I guess I'll set up Ladybird in Bobby's room, then.

177. Don't let Ladybird, uh... L.B. in the room until I'm finished.

178. I want it to be a surprise.

179. We got some of your mail here.

180. Suddenly everybody wants to sell Bobby Hill a security system.

181. So, uh, your mother was wanting to see you.

182. How does, uh, dinner on Thursday sound?

183. Thursday's poker night. The stripper comes over at 9:00.

184. Ahh! I'm just yanking your chain.

185. She's over at 8:00. Ah!

186. Whoa... Little help.

187. I get one more Frisbee, I'm opening a store.

188. Mm.

189. Are you going to hog all of that pillow?

190. Ugh, Bobby, it's covered with Ladybird's hair.

191. Oh, thank God! I thought I was losing mine.

192. Hey! You're not sneezing or hacking up something gross.

193. Huh, maybe it's the pills.

194. I started taking two of the yellows with half a red.

195. My heart stopped beating funny and I didn't cry as much at school.

196. So your allergies are under control?

197. Yeah. How about that?

198. But my dislike for local news continues.

199. I guess that means you'll be moving back into the house.

200. I may be well, but I'm not stupid.

201. I'm not giving up this doghouse. You got that?

202. Connie, look at me.

203. You got that?

204. - Say it. - I got that.

205. Good.

206. That would be our toaster pastries.

207. I own my own house.

208. Hey, everybody, look what the gun club made for our anniversary.

209. After dessert, they're going to fire 15 bullets into our hearts.

210. One for every year of conjugal bliss.

211. Aww...

212. Okay, now everyone get into single file for dessert.

213. Single file.

214. I'm sorry Bobby isn't here. I'm sure he would've loved the desserts.

215. Say, what if I give you one to take home for him... in a doggie bag?

216. My son does not eat leftovers.

217. Ah, that's right.

218. Once you get them on the table scraps, they won't eat their kibble.

219. the doghouse.

220. Come on, Ladybird, don't make me beg.

221. Please, Ladybird, be a good dog.

222. It's my fault, Peggy. I raised her in a real house.

223. Well, I have no choice.

224. You'll have to walk her when it's time to go.

225. She won't go in her own yard.

226. I'm the same way.

227. Yeah, and when you change her water,

228. mix in two tablespoons of red wine for her heart.

229. Let's be honest.

230. Neither one of us is any good at saying goodbyes.

231. Oh, uh...

232. I'll... see you when I see you.

233. All right, get yourself washed up. We don't eat with dirty fingernails.

234. You go ahead without me. I'm just going to order a pizza.

235. We're having chicken and broccoli.

236. Okay, you can have some of my pizza if you want.

237. The only pizza you'll be having is chicken and broccoli pizza

238. without the crust and the pizza sauce,

239. but plenty of cheese because that's the way your mother makes it.

240. Mmm. Delicious chicken and broccoli, Mother.

241. Oh, no. I've been down this road...

242. before.

243. Oh, my goodness, Bobby, honey, are you okay?

244. Has Ladybird been in the house?

245. - Hank? - No.

246. Well, Bill brought her by the alley. She gave me her paw, but...

247. What am I supposed to do, leave her hanging? That would have been rude.

248. Rude.

249. Hank, you could've dragged dander into this house.

250. Don't panic.

251. There's no need to send me back out to the doghouse yet.

252. Ah...

253. Hello. This is Bobby Hill.

254. I'd like to order a large pizza with everything.

255. Ladybird?

256. Uh, I'm sorry, but she won't go in her own yard.

257. Peggy, it's like I told you, the crawl space under the house is spotless.

258. Oh, I shouldn't have cleaned this book first.

259. It's too engaging. I can't put it down.

260. Peggy, there's nothing in here. We've already gone through the house twice.

261. Aha!

262. Hank, give me a boost.

263. I bet those light fixtures are the perfect dander magnet.

264. I can't see it, but I know it's in there.

265. Pack your bags, you flaky bastards! Dust mop.

266. I can't believe I didn't eat this last night.

267. Hey! What are you doing? - I thought I'd clean up a bit.

268. I like it the way it is. That is why it is the way it is.

269. You used to have the best-looking doghouse in the neighborhood.

270. Now I bet it isn't even in the top ten. Why don't you move back in?

271. Every night your dad has to watch another man brush his dog.

272. Every time Ladybird wags her tail, your father dies a little.

273. Hey, it was my dad's idea to move me in here in the first place,

274. so just relax.

275. We got a good thing going.

276. As long as I keep sneezing,

277. the lady next door can't say boo.

278. Hey, no pop-ins! Get out of here!

279. Out! Out!

280. Out! Out, out, out!

281. Out!

282. Oh, Bill's going to get it.

283. Bill's going to get it.

284. You're so cute.

285. I made that game up.

286. That's our game. I want to play.

287. Those two look more alike after a week than you did after ten years.

288. Man, I dang...

289. ol' never seen that little dog so happy, man.

290. Talkin' 'bout dog's life, I tell you what... Bill's best friend.

291. Um, ya wanna beer, man?

292. I don't want to associate beer with this kind of pain.

293. Bobby. I brought you an air freshener.

294. Bobby.

295. Come on, Bobby Hill.

296. Were we robbed?

297. They took the carpeting.

298. Robbers wouldn't do this good of a job sanding and triple-varnishing the floors.

299. We cleaned this house top to bottom for you, Bobby.

300. It is clean enough to make computer chips in.

301. And don't be afraid to breathe, Bobby.

302. It's the only way we can find out if we got all the dander.

303. Ah... choo.

304. Damn it.

305. I knew we should've steam cleaned

306. the ceiling. But that guy was so damn smug.

307. Boy, the place sure feels empty.

308. You know, no carpet, no dog, no son.

309. Maybe I'll just go over to Bill's house.

310. Hank, remember what I told the doctor.

311. You should not even touch Ladybird.

312. Okay, Hank, you've got five minutes.

313. I won't say her name

314. because then she'll just get all excited and jump up on me,

315. and I can't have that.

316. Oh, no. She's starting to wag. Dale, quick, tape her tail to her leg.

317. I'm on it.

318. Ladybird? No, no. Get out.

319. Dad, look, I'm cured.

320. I found a combination of pills that work. See?

321. Oh, hey, girl. Welcome home.

322. - You, too, boy. - Thank you, Dad.

323. Here you go. You ready?

324. All right.

325. Ahh...

326. Whoop.

327. I have a client in here I am trying to tutor. So cool it down.

328. Okay. Water.

329. - A-go-a. - Perfect.

330. Good boy.

331. We all came to see the openingof a doghouse.