1. Okay, I just voted.
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2. Could you see anything?
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3. Nope. Nothing.
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4. You could develop film in that booth.
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5. That's right.
Peggy Hill's garage of democracy...
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6. is gonna make those saps
in Precinct 9 wish...
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7. they'd never voted
in that stinking firehouse.
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8. Hey, Dad. Can you
give me and Luanne...
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9. a ride to where Route
15 meets the 42?
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10. Why? There's nothing there
but a huge empty lot.
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11. Nuh-uh, Uncle Hank.
This week it's 20 acres of fun...
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12. and one acre of craft.
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13. At the Heimlich County Fair.
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14. Well, Luanne,
I wish you'd get this excited...
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15. about voting
in your first presidential election.
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16. Now, did you send in those
registration forms I gave you...
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17. for your eighteenth birthday?
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18. No. But that's okay.
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19. I'll just vote for
president next year.
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20. Come on, Mom.
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21. I am not leaving
until this booth has proven to me...
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22. that it is 100% confidential.
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23. Okay. How many fingers
am I holding up?
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24. Peggy, there is absolutely
no way you can see through that—
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25. Three?
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26. I was just guessing.
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27. Mom, can I have five
tickets for fair food?
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28. I don't want them guessing
my weight on an empty stomach.
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29. I'm hungry, too.
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30. Luanne, you should be hungry
for democracy.
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31. Um, no.
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32. Yeah, I think I wanted
the corn on a stick.
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33. Luanne, in a few years
that corn'll be gone.
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34. But the thrill of
voting lasts and lasts.
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35. I still get goose pimples
thinking about pulling the lever...
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36. for Councilman Fred Everett.
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37. Of course, then he betrayed me.
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38. Now, go on and register.
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39. The polls and the media
have been ignoring my campaign.
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40. But they're gonna have a little
surprise come election day...
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41. when long-shot candidate
Ted T. Ganaway...
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42. moves out of his parents' house
and into the White House!
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43. Hey, look. A fringe candidate.
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44. Poor confused bastard.
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45. Well, you have to
admire his dedication.
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46. I mean, he's right here in the heart
of what I like to call "Bush Country."
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47. Hello, friends.
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48. You made eye contact.
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49. Nice job, Hank. You talk to him.
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50. My name is Ted T. Ganaway
and I'm running for president.
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51. Yeah. Well...
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52. my wife and I are pretty committed
to George W. Bush, you know.
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53. And even if we weren't, well...
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54. there's four or five candidates
ahead of you.
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55. Well, good luck with the campaign.
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56. Governor George W. Bush
and Vice President Al Gore...
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57. want you to focus
on my hit-and-run conviction...
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58. and not my sixteen-point
plan for America.
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59. Dad, I know it's not up your alley,
but there's this pig named Mitch—
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60. Let's go.
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61. Welcome, folks.
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62. Y'all ready for some
world-class pig-diving?
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63. Now, before we meet our star,
let's give a county-fair howdy...
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64. to Mitch's Fishes.
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65. Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you the main event...
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66. the real deal,
the finest diver with four legs...
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67. the Pork Louganis,
Mitch the Amazing Diving Pig.
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68. For his first dive,
Mitch will perform the tula-hula...
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69. a death-defying plunge through
not one, not three...
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70. but two hula hoops.
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71. Yes!
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72. That was pretty good for a pig.
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73. And now for our finale.
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74. Mitch will dive
through three rings of burning fire.
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75. It is the most difficult dive
known to man or pig:
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76. The Johnny Cash!
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77. You can do it, Mitch.
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78. I love this pig!
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79. Nothing to worry about, folks.
Mitch is just hamming it up.
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80. Where is he?
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81. Where is he?
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82. Somebody do something!
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83. Oh, God! Mitch!
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84. Bobby, no! That's pig water!
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85. Mitch is dead!
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86. Not this pig, not today.
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87. Thank you, son. You
saved my boy's life.
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88. - What's your name?
- Bobby Hill.
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89. Let's give a big hand
to Bobby Hill...
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90. the amazing pig-saving boy!
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91. Oh, God!
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92. How much money
is it gonna take to get that film?
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93. Don't worry. I'm not with the press.
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94. I'm with the Bush-Cheney campaign.
And you must be...
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95. the amazing pig-saving boy's father.
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96. - Well. I don't—
- This is just the kind of heroism...
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97. the Governor loves to
attach himself to.
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98. Why don't you all come to his Get
Out The Vote rally next week...
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99. - as our guests?
- Great.
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100. Now, if you do a background check...
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101. I'm Hank R. Hill, not that Hank P.
Hill...
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102. who doesn't pay his
Discover Card bill.
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103. Uncle Hank, I registered to vote.
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104. Oh, terrific. George W.'s gonna need
every vote he can get...
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105. or they won't call it a landslide.
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106. George W.? He's not
a communist, is he?
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107. No, he's not.
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108. Wait. Here it is.
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109. See, our candidate is Robert Parigi.
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110. What? Communist? No!
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111. I guess I cancel your vote out.
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112. My first election
and your vote means nothing.
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113. Long live the People's Revolution!
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114. What were you thinking?
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115. The Russians don't even believe
in communism anymore.
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116. You said you wanted me to vote.
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117. You sure did, Hank.
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118. Maybe Luanne has a good reason
for throwing her vote away.
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119. I've got several.
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120. First, the line at his booth
was the shortest.
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121. I like his tie. It's red.
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122. And his shirt is white.
And his jacket is blue.
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123. And that stands for America.
Communism!
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124. So I see you finally got
Luanne involved in politics.
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125. That's good...
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126. 3S5.
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127. The people united...
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128. - Boo!
- Commie, go home!
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129. Okay.
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130. I just think
if you don't read the newspaper...
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131. and the only TV you
watch is the MTV...
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132. you shouldn't be allowed to vote.
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133. Stop fighting the last war, Hank.
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134. Women got the vote and there's
nothing we can do about it.
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135. Unless...
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136. Unless what?
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137. I don't know. You're a smart guy.
You'll figure something out.
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138. I'll get it.
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139. Good evening, mate.
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140. May I trouble you for a word?
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141. - Oh, Lord.
- Who is it, Hank?
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142. The Manger Babies.
I'll get rid of them.
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143. Cheerio. I just wanted to tell you...
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144. you should vote for Robert Parigi
of the Communist Party USA...
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145. for President, what-what.
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146. You don't know
the first thing about communism.
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147. What's to know?
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148. Robert Parigi's got the cutest
little ears and prettiest eyebrows.
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149. So, can I tell Robert
he can count on your vote?
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150. No, you cannot. I hate communists.
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151. All they do is boss people around.
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152. Sounds like you, Uncle Hank.
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153. Luanne, please go home
before I tell you...
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154. you're acting like an idiot
and make you cry.
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155. Hee-haw! You're a communist! Hee-haw!
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156. - No, I'm not!
- Welcome to the party, mate.
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157. Get that penguin back here.
I'm not done.
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158. Hee-haw! Power to the
people, comrade!
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159. Why, I say! You look good in red,
Comrade Hill, what-what.
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160. All right. I gave you fair warning.
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161. Luanne, you're acting like an idiot.
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162. Oh, no!
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163. Uncle Hank, no.
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164. Hank, I'm making cookies
to serve on election day.
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165. Which do you think tastes better?
The Chips Ahoy heated up...
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166. or the E.L. Fudge heated up?
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167. I don't know.
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168. Well, where is Luanne?
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169. Well, I told her she was being
an idiot and she ran off crying.
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170. Oh, Hank. Again?
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171. Well, she called me a communist
in my own home.
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172. She doesn't know what the heck
she's talking about.
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173. All right, Hank.
Luanne is Cinderella.
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174. And she fell for the wrong prince.
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175. You have to be her fairy godmother...
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176. and introduce her to George W. Bush.
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177. Take her to the Bush rally, or as
I like to call it, "the ball"...
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178. and let George W. put his issues...
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179. or as I like to call them,
"the glass slippers," on her feet.
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180. I can't bring a communist to see the
next president of the United States.
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181. Hank, if Luanne is
still a communist...
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182. after hearing
the greatest orator of our day...
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183. then she really is a communist
and then we really have a problem.
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184. Hey, y'all. How're y'all doing?
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185. He's even more handsome than his dad.
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186. Well, Barbara's a handsome woman.
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187. But, you know, it's his ideas
that you'll find the most attractive.
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188. I don't know. He's really handsome.
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189. Now, I don't want any
of y'all to think...
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190. Dick Cheney and I
have this thing in the bag.
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191. So, don't forget to
vote on November 7.
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192. I really like his smile.
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193. And his tie. Which is red.
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194. I like red ties.
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195. Luanne, stop looking at him.
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196. Close your eyes and
listen to the issues.
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197. Wait till you hear him call for lower
taxes and a stronger national defense.
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198. I just gave away the
end of his speech.
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199. Wand a strong national defense.
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200. God bless you and God bless
the United States of America.
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201. You know, you were right, Uncle Hank.
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202. He's gonna cut my taxes...
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203. and let me pray in junior college.
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204. I think I will vote for him.
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205. There you go.
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206. Pig boy.
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207. Pig heart-transplant boy
or pig-saving boy?
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208. - I can't remember.
- I'll wing it.
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209. Hey, there's Heimlich County's
newest hero.
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210. I was just in the right place
at the right time, like any hero.
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211. - Yeah. And I'm the boy's dad.
- And I need your vote, partner.
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212. Well, you've got it, Governor Bush.
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213. - What's wrong, Hank?
- Oh, my God!
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214. His handshake...
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215. it's limp.
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216. Did Bush's hand feel like a flounder?
Or something softer, like a jellyfish?
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217. I don't want to talk about it.
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218. Was it mushy and wet
like a handful of egg salad?
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219. It was soft and damp.
Let's just leave it at that.
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220. Was it a wriggler?
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221. Stop it. All of you, stop it.
Stop it right now!
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222. This is dead serious.
I don't know what to do.
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223. I thought I knew the man.
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224. But the man I knew
had a strong, firm grip.
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225. I thought you only cared
about the issues, Hank.
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226. Well, yeah.
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227. But a man's handshake is an issue.
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228. It's... Well, it's
the character issue.
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229. No. Character is about
having principles...
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230. and not sleeping with the help and
such. But a wimpy handshake...
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231. - now, that's just trivial, Hank.
- It's not trivial.
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232. This man could be the next leader
of the free world.
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233. We're gonna have nut-job third-world
dictators walking all over us...
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234. when they find out our president...
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235. doesn't have a strong enough finger
to push the button.
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236. That makes a lot of sense...
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237. a lot of nonsense.
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238. Why don't we choose the president
by lottery like they choose the pope?
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239. Don't be ridiculous. That's how
Luanne would pick a president.
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240. No dumber than a handshake.
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241. Yup. You and Luanne,
two peas in a pod.
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242. All voters are the same:
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243. simpleminded fools who think
their vote makes a difference.
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244. The system's broke, Hank. The election
baby has peed in the bathwater.
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245. You gotta throw them both out.
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246. It was a horrible, horrible,
horrible handshake.
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247. But, I don't know.
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248. Come on, Hank.
Spend tomorrow not voting with me.
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249. Every election day
I go Christmas shopping.
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250. All the suckers are at the polls.
The outlet malls are empty.
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251. The parking lots are full,
which I never understood.
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252. I got a theory, but it involves
the largest mirror in Texas.
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253. No, no. I've got to vote.
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254. So, you're voting
for the other fellow?
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255. I don't know.
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256. All I know is if I don't vote, I won't
get called for jury duty anymore.
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257. Hank, honey, if you
have to go into the garage,
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258. please walk
on the stripes.
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259. The stars will not
be dry until morning.
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260. Look, look. Right there.
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261. See that guy's reaction when Bush
shakes his hand? Surprise...
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262. then disappointment.
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263. Sure. But when I want to watch
Scent of a Woman...
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264. you don't even know
how to work the VCR.
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265. See, the guy's smiling, happy,
on top of the world.
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266. Then Bush shakes,
there goes the man's face.
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267. See? Surprise, then disappointment.
See that?
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268. Surprise, then disappointment.
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269. Surprise, then disappointment.
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270. Surprise, then disappointment.
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271. Hank, honey, thanks for making
your side of the bed this morning.
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272. It saved me lots of time. Hank?
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273. You know, with voter turnout
at all-time lows...
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274. not voting makes me more American.
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275. The only thing more American
than not voting...
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276. is Egyptian cotton/linen irregulars
at 40% off.
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277. First stop, Wamsutta sheets.
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278. Mrs. Fedder, what time do you have?
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279. - A little before 7:00.
- I have 7:00.
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280. It's still a little before 7:00.
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281. On three, two, one, now.
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282. Now!
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283. Hi, Peggy-
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284. First to vote, last to leave.
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285. And the pockets are big enough
for an umbrella.
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286. Joseph will love it.
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287. I look like a jackass.
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288. Look at that.
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289. Well, I'm ready to vote.
Where's Uncle Hank?
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290. I wanted us to vote at the same time.
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291. He and Dale went down
to that outlet mall.
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292. You know, the one
next door to Mexico.
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293. Well, he'll be back before
the polls close, won't he?
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294. Oh, no, no, no.
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295. But that's okay. Hank
says he's not voting.
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296. Smell this, Hank.
Does it smell like Boomhauer?
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297. Yeah, it smells like Boomhauer.
He's gonna love it.
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298. This could be a propane emergency.
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299. No. Just Luanne...
or one of her Manger Babies.
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300. So, where to, Dale?
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301. Well, Nancy's been wanting
an onyx chessboard...
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302. and I know just the place.
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303. I think Uncle Hank is dead!
He didn't return my page.
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304. Well, I am sure he's
not dead, Luanne.
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305. That number is for
propane emergencies only.
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306. Dale, this bridge goes into Mexico.
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307. Did I make a wrong turn?
All right. Let me try to spin around.
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308. Nope. Not yet.
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309. Now? Nope.
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310. Oh, well, we're in Mexico.
What are you gonna do?
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311. Dang it, Dale. Turn around up here.
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312. No. There is to be no deviation
from the plan.
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313. - What plan?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
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314. We're gonna spend
the rest of the day in Mexico...
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315. see how the election turns out.
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316. If there's any problem,
civil unrest, military coup...
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317. we will remain in Mexico
under assumed identities.
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318. You are Fritz Krueger:
wealthy Ecuadorian rancher.
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319. And I am Central American
singing sensation Lamotil.
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320. You know I'm not Ecuadorian.
So why would I need Ecuadorian papers?
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321. You're already not voting.
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322. You might as well give up
your citizenship.
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323. Believe me, Hank,
if things go sour up north...
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324. you'll be happy you're a non-naturalized
resident alien in Mexico.
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325. It's Rudy at Goobersmooches.
Now, believe me, this is serious.
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326. He doesn't just call to chat.
We have nothing in common.
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327. - Goobersmooches.
- Rudy?
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328. No, it's Luanne Platter.
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329. And it's not a propane emergency.
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330. It's a "Why aren't you
voting emergency?"
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331. Why aren't you voting?
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332. Because my candidate's handshake
had no character.
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333. But Hank's character
is to vote anyways...
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334. even if it's rainy, or
your face is splotchy...
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335. or your uncle made you cry,
or your candidate's a dud.
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336. It doesn't take any
character to give up.
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337. What do you know?
You've never even voted.
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338. Well, maybe I won't vote after all, since
apparently it's not that important.
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339. I think I'll go shopping,
just like you did, Uncle Hank.
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340. Because I don't need to vote, but I
can always use a good pair of pants.
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341. Luanne, I want you to meet me
at our polling place.
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342. And I'll give you the pants
I just bought you for Christmas.
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343. Dale, can I see your
keys for a second?
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344. - Why?
- It was supposed to be a surprise.
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345. But I bought you a leather key
chain at the Coach outlet...
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346. and I wanted to make sure it fits.
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347. When did you do that?
When I was trying on underwear?
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348. Wait a minute.
You know I don't like key chains.
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349. - What did you get me? A money clip?
- Keep guessing.
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350. Kenneth Cole shoes?
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351. A new spaghetti pot?
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352. A leather backpack?
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353. Something with leather?
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354. Come on.
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355. Sir, do you know
how fast you were going?
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356. Yeah. Eighty-six miles per hour. Now,
would you mind writing this up fast?
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357. I've got to get home before the
polls close. I've got to vote.
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358. You haven't voted?
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359. A Namby ice bucket?
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360. Cap snaffler? Total Gym?
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361. You made it!
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362. - How much time do we have?
- One minute.
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363. - I have two minutes.
- One minute.
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364. - So, who'd you vote for, Hank?
- No.
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365. If he tells you, it won't come true.
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366. Hello. I'm Hank Hill
from TV's King of the Hill.
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367. And I'm Bobby Hill
from TV's King of the Hill.
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368. Welcome to what used to be my garage.
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369. That's where I usually park my bike.
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370. We're here to remind you
to register to vote.
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371. So go ahead,
fill out your registration card...
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372. and you'll be eligible to win
these valuable prizes.
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373. Freedom...
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374. civic pride...
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375. and a brand-new president.
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376. Was it a wriggler?
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