1. Okay, I just voted.Copy !req
2. Could you see anything?Copy !req
3. Nope, nothing.Copy !req
4. You could develop film in that booth.Copy !req
5. Mm-hmm, that's right.Copy !req
6. Peggy Hill's garage of democracyCopy !req
7. is going to make those saps
in Precinct NineCopy !req
8. wish they'd never voted
in that stinking firehouse.Copy !req
9. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
10. Can you give me and Luanne a rideCopy !req
11. to where Route 15 meets the 42?Copy !req
12. Why? There's nothing there
but a huge empty lot.Copy !req
13. Nuh-uh, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
14. This week it's 20 acres
of fun and one acre of crafts.Copy !req
15. Well, Luanne, I wish you'd get
this excited about votingCopy !req
16. in your first presidential election.Copy !req
17. Now, did you send in
those registration forms I gave youCopy !req
18. for your 18th birthday?Copy !req
19. No, but that's okay.Copy !req
20. I'll just vote for president next year.Copy !req
21. Come on, Mom.
Mm-mm.Copy !req
22. I am not leaving until this booth
has proven to meCopy !req
23. that it is 100% confidential.Copy !req
24. Okay, how many fingers am I holding up?Copy !req
25. Peggy, there is absolutely no way
you can see through that...Copy !req
26. Three!Copy !req
27. I was just guessing.Copy !req
28. Mom, can I have five tickets
for fair food?Copy !req
29. I don't want them guessing my weight
on an empty stomach.Copy !req
30. Ooh, I'm hungry, too.Copy !req
31. Luanne, you should be hungry
for democracy.Copy !req
32. Um... no.Copy !req
33. Yeah, I think I wanted a corn on a stick.Copy !req
34. Luanne, in a few years
that corn will be goneCopy !req
35. but the thrill of voting lasts and lasts.Copy !req
36. I still get goose pimplesCopy !req
37. thinking about pulling the lever
for Councilman Fred Everett.Copy !req
38. Of course, then he betrayed me.Copy !req
39. Now go on and register.Copy !req
40. The polls and the media
have been ignoring my campaign,Copy !req
41. but they're going to have
a little surprise come election dayCopy !req
42. when long-shot candidate, Ted T. Ganaway,Copy !req
43. moves out of his parents' houseCopy !req
44. and into the White House.Copy !req
45. Hey, look, a fringe candidate.Copy !req
46. Poor, confused bastard.Copy !req
47. Well, you have to admire his dedication.Copy !req
48. I mean, he's right here in the heartCopy !req
49. of what I like to call Bush country.Copy !req
50. Hello, friend.Copy !req
51. Oh, you made eye contact.Copy !req
52. Nice job, Hank. You talk to him.Copy !req
53. My name is Ted T. Ganaway
and I'm running for president.Copy !req
54. Uh, yeah, well,
my wife and I are pretty committedCopy !req
55. to George W. Bush, you know?Copy !req
56. And even if we weren't, uh well,Copy !req
57. there's four or five candidates
ahead of you.Copy !req
58. Well, good luck with the campaign.Copy !req
59. Governor George W. Bush
and Vice President Al GoreCopy !req
60. want you to focus
on my hit-and-run convictionCopy !req
61. and not my 16-point plan for America.Copy !req
62. Dad!Copy !req
63. I know it's not up your alleyCopy !req
64. but there's this pig named Mitch...Copy !req
65. Let's go.Copy !req
66. Welcome, folks.Copy !req
67. Y'all ready for some
world-class pig diving?Copy !req
68. ALLCopy !req
69. Now, before we meet our star,
let's give a county fair howdyCopy !req
70. to Mitch's fishes.Copy !req
71. Ladies and gentleman,
I present to you the main event,Copy !req
72. the real deal,
the finest diver with four legs,Copy !req
73. the Pork Louganis,Copy !req
74. Mitch the Amazing Diving Pig.Copy !req
75. For his first dive,Copy !req
76. Mitch will perform the Two-la Hula.Copy !req
77. A death-defying plunge
through not one, not three,Copy !req
78. but two hula hoops.Copy !req
79. Yes!Copy !req
80. That was pretty good for a pig.Copy !req
81. And now for our finaleCopy !req
82. Mitch will dive through three rings
of burning fire.Copy !req
83. It's the most difficult dive
known to man or pig,Copy !req
84. the Johnny Cash.Copy !req
85. You can do it, Mitch.Copy !req
86. I love this pig!Copy !req
87. Uh, n-n-nothing to worry about, folks.Copy !req
88. M-M-Mitch is just hamming it up.Copy !req
89. Mitch!Copy !req
90. Somebody do something!Copy !req
91. Oh, God, Mitch!Copy !req
92. Bobby, no! That's pig water!Copy !req
93. Mitch is dead!Copy !req
94. Not this pig... not today.Copy !req
95. Hey, son, you saved my boy's life.Copy !req
96. - What's your name?
- Bobby Hill.Copy !req
97. Let's give a big hand to Bobby Hill,Copy !req
98. the amazing, pig-saving boy.Copy !req
99. Oh, God, how much money
is it going to take to get that film?Copy !req
100. Oh, don't worry. I'm not with the press.Copy !req
101. I'm with the Bush-Cheney campaign.Copy !req
102. And you must be
the amazing pig-saving boy's father.Copy !req
103. Well, I don't, uh...Copy !req
104. This is just the kind of heroismCopy !req
105. the governor loves to attach himself to.Copy !req
106. Why don't y'all come
to his get-out-the-vote rally next weekCopy !req
107. as our guests?Copy !req
108. Great.Copy !req
109. Now, if you do a background check,
I'm Hank R. Hill.Copy !req
110. Not that Hank P. HillCopy !req
111. who doesn't pay his Discover Card bill.Copy !req
112. Uncle Hank, I registered to vote!Copy !req
113. Oh, terrific.Copy !req
114. George Dubya is going to need
every vote he can getCopy !req
115. or they won't call it a landslide.Copy !req
116. "George Dubya"?Copy !req
117. He's not a communist, is he?Copy !req
118. Uh, no, he's not.Copy !req
119. Right. Oh, here it is.Copy !req
120. See, our candidate is Robert Parigi.Copy !req
121. What? "Communist"?Copy !req
122. No.Copy !req
123. I guess I cancel your vote out.Copy !req
124. My first election
and your vote means nothing.Copy !req
125. Long live the people's revolution!Copy !req
126. What were you thinking?Copy !req
127. The Russians don't even believe
in communism anymore.Copy !req
128. You said you wanted me to vote.Copy !req
129. You sure did, Hank.Copy !req
130. Maybe Luanne has a good reason
for throwing her vote away.Copy !req
131. I've got several.Copy !req
132. First, the line at his booth
was the shortest,Copy !req
133. I like his tie, it's red.Copy !req
134. And his shirt is white,
and his jacket is blue,Copy !req
135. and that stands for America.Copy !req
136. Communism!Copy !req
137. So, I see you finally got Luanne
involved in politics.Copy !req
138. That's good.Copy !req
139. Ass.Copy !req
140. The people united shall never be defeated!Copy !req
141. - Boo!
- Boo!Copy !req
142. Commie, go home!Copy !req
143. Okay.Copy !req
144. I just think if you don't read
the newspaperCopy !req
145. and the only tv you watch is the MTV,Copy !req
146. you shouldn't be allowed to vote.Copy !req
147. Stop fighting the last war, Hank.Copy !req
148. Women got the voteCopy !req
149. and there's nothing we can do about it.Copy !req
150. Unless...Copy !req
151. Unless what?Copy !req
152. I don't know. You're a smart guy.
You'll figure something out.Copy !req
153. I'll get it.Copy !req
154. Ooh, good evening, mate.Copy !req
155. May I trouble you for a word?Copy !req
156. Oh, lord.Copy !req
157. Who is it, Hank?Copy !req
158. The Manger Babies. I'll get rid of them.Copy !req
159. Cheerio.Copy !req
160. I just wanted to tell you
you should vote for Robert ParigiCopy !req
161. of the Communist Party USA
for president. Wot? Wot?Copy !req
162. You don't know the first thing
about communism.Copy !req
163. What's to know?Copy !req
164. Robert Parigi's got the cutest little earsCopy !req
165. and prettiest eyebrows.Copy !req
166. So, can I tell Robert
he can count on your vote?Copy !req
167. No, you cannot.Copy !req
168. I hate communists.Copy !req
169. All they do is boss people around.Copy !req
170. Sounds like you, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
171. Luanne, please go homeCopy !req
172. before I tell you you're acting
like an idiot and make you cry.Copy !req
173. Eee-ya! You're a communist. Ee-ya!Copy !req
174. No, I'm not.Copy !req
175. Welcome to the party, mate.Copy !req
176. Get that penguin back here!Copy !req
177. I'm not done.
Ee-yaa!Copy !req
178. Power to the people, comrade!Copy !req
179. Why, I say, you look good in red,
Comrade Hill.Copy !req
180. - Wot, wot?
- All right,Copy !req
181. I gave you fair warning.Copy !req
182. Luanne, you're acting like an idiot.Copy !req
183. Oh, no, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
184. Hank, I'm making cookies
to serve on Election Day.Copy !req
185. Which do you think tastes better?Copy !req
186. The Chips Ahoy heated up
or the E.L. Fudge heated up?Copy !req
187. - I don't know.
- Oh. Well, where's Luanne?Copy !req
188. Well, I told her she was being an idiotCopy !req
189. and she ran off crying.Copy !req
190. Oh, Hank, again?Copy !req
191. Well, she called me a communist
in my own home.Copy !req
192. Uh, she doesn't know what the heck
she's talking about.Copy !req
193. All right, Hank, Luanne is CinderellaCopy !req
194. and she fell for the wrong prince.Copy !req
195. You have to be her fairy godmotherCopy !req
196. and introduce her to George W. Bush.Copy !req
197. Take her to the Bush rally...
or as I like to call it, "The Ball"...Copy !req
198. and let George W. put his issues...Copy !req
199. or as I like to call them,
"The Glass Slippers"...Copy !req
200. on her feet.Copy !req
201. I can't bring a communistCopy !req
202. to see the next president
of the United States.Copy !req
203. Hank, if Luanne is still a communist,Copy !req
204. after hearing the greatest orator
of our day,Copy !req
205. then she really is a communistCopy !req
206. and then we really have a problem.Copy !req
207. Howdy, all. How y'all doing?Copy !req
208. He's even more handsome than his dad.Copy !req
209. Well, Barbara's a handsome woman,Copy !req
210. but, you know it's his ideas
that you'll find the most attractive.Copy !req
211. I don't know.Copy !req
212. H-h-he's really handsome.Copy !req
213. Now, I don't want
any of y'all to think Dick Cheney and ICopy !req
214. have this thing in the bag.Copy !req
215. So don't forget to vote on November 7.Copy !req
216. Oh, I really like his smile.Copy !req
217. And his tie, which is red.Copy !req
218. I like red ties.Copy !req
219. Luanne, stop looking at him.Copy !req
220. Close your eyes, and listen to the issues.Copy !req
221. Wait till you hear him
call for lower taxesCopy !req
222. and a stronger national defense.Copy !req
223. Aw, I just gave away
the end of his speech.Copy !req
224. and a strong national defense.Copy !req
225. God bless you, and God bless
the United States of America.Copy !req
226. You know... you were right, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
227. He's going to cut my taxesCopy !req
228. and let me pray in junior college.Copy !req
229. I think I will vote for him.Copy !req
230. There you go.Copy !req
231. Pig boy.Copy !req
232. Pig-heart-transplant boy,
or pig-saving boy?Copy !req
233. I can't remember.Copy !req
234. Eh, I'll wing it.Copy !req
235. Hey, there's Heimlich County's
newest hero.Copy !req
236. I was just in the right place
at the right time,Copy !req
237. like any hero.Copy !req
238. Yeah, and I'm the boy's dad.Copy !req
239. I need your vote, partner.Copy !req
240. Well, you got it, Governor Bush.Copy !req
241. What's wrong, Hank?Copy !req
242. Oh, my God.Copy !req
243. His handshake.Copy !req
244. It's limp.Copy !req
245. Did Bush's hand feel like a flounder?Copy !req
246. Or something softer, like a jellyfish?Copy !req
247. I don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
248. Hm. Was it mushy?Copy !req
249. And wet like a handful of egg salad?Copy !req
250. It was soft and damp.Copy !req
251. Let's just leave it at that.Copy !req
252. Was it a wriggler?
Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle-ee.Copy !req
253. Stop it. All of you stop it.Copy !req
254. Stop it right now.Copy !req
255. This is dead serious.Copy !req
256. I don't know what to do.
I thought I knew the man.Copy !req
257. But the man I knew
had a strong, firm grip.Copy !req
258. I thought you only cared
about the issues, Hank.Copy !req
259. Well, yeah,
but a man's handshake is an issue.Copy !req
260. It's, uh...
Well, it's the character issue.Copy !req
261. No, character's about having principlesCopy !req
262. and not sleeping with the help, and such,Copy !req
263. but a wimpy handshake...Copy !req
264. now, that's just trivial, Hank, trivial.Copy !req
265. It's not trivial.Copy !req
266. This man could be the next leader
of the free world.Copy !req
267. We're going to have nut-job,
third-world dictatorsCopy !req
268. walking all over us when they find outCopy !req
269. our president doesn't have
a strong enough fingerCopy !req
270. to push the button.Copy !req
271. That makes a lot of sense...Copy !req
272. a lot of nonsense.Copy !req
273. Why don't we choose
the President by lotteryCopy !req
274. like they choose the Pope?Copy !req
275. Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
276. That's how Luanne would pick a president.Copy !req
277. No dumber than a handshake.Copy !req
278. Yup, you and Luanne...Copy !req
279. two peas in a pod.Copy !req
280. All voters are the same...Copy !req
281. simpleminded fools who think
their vote makes a difference.Copy !req
282. The system's broke, Hank.Copy !req
283. The election baby
has peed in the bathwater.Copy !req
284. You got to throw 'em both out.Copy !req
285. It was a horrible, horrible,
horrible handshake...Copy !req
286. but I don't know.Copy !req
287. Come on, Hank,
spend tomorrow not voting with me.Copy !req
288. Every Election Day
I go Christmas shopping.Copy !req
289. All the suckers are at the polls.Copy !req
290. The outlet malls are empty.Copy !req
291. Parking lots are full,
which I never understood.Copy !req
292. I got a theory, but it involves
the largest mirror in Texas.Copy !req
293. No, no, I've got to vote.Copy !req
294. So you're voting for the other fellow?Copy !req
295. I don't know.Copy !req
296. All I know is, if I don't vote,Copy !req
297. I won't get called for jury duty anymore.Copy !req
298. Hank, honey, if you have
to go into the garageCopy !req
299. Please walk on the stripes.Copy !req
300. The stars will not be dry until morning.Copy !req
301. Look, look. Right there.Copy !req
302. See that guy's reaction
when Bush shakes his hand?Copy !req
303. Surprise...Copy !req
304. then disappointment.Copy !req
305. Sure, but when I want
to watch Scent of a Woman,Copy !req
306. you don't even know how to work the VCR.Copy !req
307. See? See, the guy's smiling,
happy, on top of the world.Copy !req
308. Then Bush shakes.Copy !req
309. There goes the man's face. See?Copy !req
310. Surprise, then disappointment.Copy !req
311. See that?Copy !req
312. Surprise, then disappointment.Copy !req
313. Surprise... disappointment.Copy !req
314. Surprise... then disappointment.Copy !req
315. Hank, honey, thanks for makingCopy !req
316. your side of the bed this morning.Copy !req
317. It saved me lots of time.Copy !req
318. Hank...Copy !req
319. Hank?Copy !req
320. You know,
with voter turnout at all-time lows,Copy !req
321. not voting makes me more American.Copy !req
322. The only thing more American
than not votingCopy !req
323. is Egyptian cotton linen irregulars
at 40% off.Copy !req
324. First stop, Wamsutta sheets.Copy !req
325. Mrs. Fetter, what time do you have?Copy !req
326. A little before seven.Copy !req
327. I have seven.Copy !req
328. It's still a little before seven.Copy !req
329. On three. Two...Copy !req
330. one, now.Copy !req
331. Now.Copy !req
332. Hi, Peggy.Copy !req
333. First to vote, last to leave.Copy !req
334. Hmm.Copy !req
335. And the pockets are big enough for an...Copy !req
336. umbrella.Copy !req
337. Ptshaa!Copy !req
338. Joseph will love it.Copy !req
339. I look like a jackass.Copy !req
340. Look at that.Copy !req
341. Well, I'm ready to vote.Copy !req
342. Where's Uncle Hank?Copy !req
343. I wanted us to vote at the same time.Copy !req
344. Mm. He and Dale went down
to that outlet mall.Copy !req
345. You know, the one next door to Mexico.Copy !req
346. Well, he'll be back
before the polls close, won't he?Copy !req
347. Mm. Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
348. But that's okay.Copy !req
349. Hank says he's not voting.Copy !req
350. Smell this, Hank.
Does it smell like Boomhauer?Copy !req
351. Yeah, it smells like Boomhauer.Copy !req
352. He's gonna love it.Copy !req
353. Uh-oh,Copy !req
354. this could be a propane emergency.Copy !req
355. Nah, just Luanne,Copy !req
356. or one of her Manger Babies.Copy !req
357. So, where to, Dale?Copy !req
358. Well, Nancy's been wanting
an onyx chessboardCopy !req
359. and I know just the place.Copy !req
360. I think Uncle Hank is dead!Copy !req
361. He didn't return my page!Copy !req
362. Well, I am sure he's not dead, Luanne.Copy !req
363. That number is for propane
emergencies only.Copy !req
364. Whoa, Dale, this bridge goes into Mexico.Copy !req
365. Whoops, did I make a wrong turn?Copy !req
366. All right, let me try to spin around.Copy !req
367. Nope. Not yet.Copy !req
368. Now? Nope.Copy !req
369. Oh, well, we're in Mexico.Copy !req
370. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
371. Dang it, Dale, turn around up here.Copy !req
372. No. There is to be no deviation
from the plan.Copy !req
373. What plan?Copy !req
374. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
375. We're gonna spend the rest
of the day in Mexico,Copy !req
376. see how the election turns out.Copy !req
377. If there's any problem...
civil unrest, military coup...Copy !req
378. we will remain in Mexico
under assumed identities.Copy !req
379. You are Fritz Krueger,
wealthy Ecuadorian rancher,Copy !req
380. and I am Central American
singing sensation Lamotil.Copy !req
381. You know I'm not EcuadorianCopy !req
382. so, why would I need Ecuadorian papers?Copy !req
383. You're already not voting.Copy !req
384. You might as well give up
your citizenship.Copy !req
385. Believe me, Hank,
if things go sour up north,Copy !req
386. you'll be happy you're a non-naturalized
resident alien in Mexico.Copy !req
387. Ah, it's Rudy at Goobersmooches.Copy !req
388. Yeah, believe me, this is serious.Copy !req
389. He doesn't just call to chat.Copy !req
390. We have nothing in common.Copy !req
391. Goobersmooches.Copy !req
392. Rudy?
- No, it's Luanne. Platter.Copy !req
393. And it's not a propane emergency.Copy !req
394. It's a why-aren't-you-voting emergency.Copy !req
395. Why aren't you voting?Copy !req
396. Because my candidate's handshake
had no character.Copy !req
397. What takes character is to vote anywaysCopy !req
398. even if it's rainy,
or your face is splotchyCopy !req
399. or your uncle made you cry,Copy !req
400. or your candidate's a dud.Copy !req
401. It doesn't take any character to give up.Copy !req
402. What do you know? You've never even voted.Copy !req
403. Well, maybe I won't vote after allCopy !req
404. since apparently it's not that important.Copy !req
405. I think I'll go shopping,
just like you did, Uncle Hank,Copy !req
406. because I don't need to voteCopy !req
407. but I can always use a good pair of pants.Copy !req
408. Luanne, I want you to meet me
at our polling placeCopy !req
409. and I'll give you the pants
I just bought you for Christmas.Copy !req
410. Dale, can I see your keys for a second?Copy !req
411. - Why?
- Uh...Copy !req
412. it was supposed to be a surprise but, uh,Copy !req
413. I bought you a leather key chain
at the Coach OutletCopy !req
414. and I wanted to make sure it fits.Copy !req
415. Uh, when did you do that...
when I was trying on underwear?Copy !req
416. Wait a minute.Copy !req
417. You know I don't like key chains!Copy !req
418. What did you get me?Copy !req
419. A money clip?
Uh, keep guessing.Copy !req
420. Kenneth Cole shoes?Copy !req
421. A new spaghetti pot?Copy !req
422. A leather backpack?Copy !req
423. Something with leather?Copy !req
424. Come on, come on.Copy !req
425. Sir, do you know how fast you were going?Copy !req
426. Yeah, yeah... 86 miles per hour.Copy !req
427. Now, would you mind writing this up fast?Copy !req
428. I've got to get home
before the polls close.Copy !req
429. - I've got to vote.
- You haven't voted?Copy !req
430. A Nambe ice bucket.Copy !req
431. Cap snaffler? Total Gym?Copy !req
432. You made it!Copy !req
433. How much time do we have?Copy !req
434. One minute.Copy !req
435. I have two minutes.Copy !req
436. One minute.Copy !req
437. So, who'd you vote for, Hank?Copy !req
438. Nah-ah-ah.Copy !req
439. If he tells you, it won't come true.Copy !req
440. Hello, I'm Hank Hill
from TV's King of the Hill.Copy !req
441. And I'm Bobby Hill
from TV's King of the Hill.Copy !req
442. Welcome to what used to be my garage.Copy !req
443. That's where I usually park my bike.Copy !req
444. We're here to remind you
to register to vote.Copy !req
445. So, go ahead...
fill out your registration cardCopy !req
446. and you'll be eligible
to win these valuable prizes...Copy !req
447. freedom, civic pride
and a brand-new president.Copy !req
448. Was it a wriggler?
Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle-ee.Copy !req