King of the Hill 4x8

Drew Carey as Hal (voice) • Dave Thomas as Jimsey (voice)

Jealous of Hank's new acquaintance, Bill and Dale give Hank an ultimatum, and compound their mistake when they try to make amends.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Yeah!

2. Dale just won by a hair.

3. She is power.

4. Enormous yellow power.

5. I feel like my whole life's been leading to this day.

6. So, let's see how you guys did.

7. It's the biggest septic tank they had.

8. They sold one just like it to a bowling alley in Austin.

9. Guy tried to put us in a little home unit.

10. I told him, "You don't know Bill."

11. Yeah, that's what he said.

12. It's a shame we have to put her in the ground.

13. I should've hit the old tank by now, Bill.

14. Are you sure you surveyed it precisely?

15. Uh, sure.

16. I mean, that... That's my recollection. Mm-hm.

17. - Oh, there. That's where it is.

18. My mistake. Sorry.

19. Maybe the tank's in the front. I don't know.

20. You just killed your whole back lawn.

21. A perfectly innocent lawn.

22. Okay, big shot, where's your tank?

23. Side lawn, eight feet out,

24. nine feet, seven inches from the pavement.

25. "Side lawn." Mine's on the side lawn, too.

26. Bill, you can't just mark it

27. where you think it might be.

28. That's not real marking.

29. The flag is in.

30. I am the hoe master.

31. Hear me hoe.

32. Dale, no!

33. Dale, drop that.

34. - Put on the brakes!

35. Oh!

36. Hank?

37. Hank, you were right about it being complicated,

38. but wrong to make me want to try it so badly.

39. Where are you going?

40. To buy the "L" pipes for your septic tank.

41. - Road trip. - You're staying here.

42. - Can I come? - No!

43. - I'll stay in the truck.

44. Aw, he's right.

45. I never would've stayed in the truck.

46. No, that's a straight pipe.

47. I'm looking for an "L" pipe.

48. Is are straight.

49. Lowercase, maybe, but...

50. Okay, fine. I'm looking for a capital-L pipe.

51. It bends, at a right angle.

52. Pipes don't bend. All pipes are straight.

53. All pipes can't be straight.

54. If they were, your department store

55. wouldn't be selling those "U" pipes

56. right behind your shoulder.

57. Those aren't pipes.

58. Now...

59. - Wait a minute. - There has to be more than

60. - one size drill bit. - You're supposed to be

61. - ... a "plumbing associate..." - There are different-size holes.

62. - ... and you don't know what a pipe is? - How do you think that happens?

63. What the...

64. Stupid, dumb...

65. Nice truck.

66. Does the job.

67. Then some.

68. Did you get the recall notice about the belts?

69. - Back in '94? - Yep.

70. Got it.

71. So, pick up some kind of "L" pipe?

72. Yep, two-and-a-quarter inch.

73. Septic?

74. Yeah.

75. It's my neighbor's. We rented a loader backhoe for the job.

76. I hear Mason's got a new design.

77. That's what I rented.

78. Well, then, I won't keep you.

79. So, then, my professor says to me

80. that I have the greatest potential

81. of any junior college student that he's ever seen.

82. And then he asked me to dinner to talk about it some more.

83. And drinks!

84. Dinner and drinks?

85. Luanne...

86. Honey, I'm so proud of you.

87. Well, what are you smiling about?

88. Oh, well...

89. - I met a guy. - Uh-huh?

90. Yeah, at the Mega Lo Mart.

91. We have the same truck, same year, same color.

92. Smart guy, too. He knew what an "L" pipe was for.

93. It was nice.

94. Are you going to see him again?

95. Oh, I don't know.

96. You know, it was just a one-time thing

97. with a guy in a parking lot,

98. you know, that's all.

99. Hey, L-pipe, how you doing?

100. You, uh, filling up with super?

101. - Regular. - Just kidding.

102. Oh.

103. Hey, uh, you got someplace you need to be

104. or maybe you want to grab a beer?

105. Imported?

106. What? No... No, no. Domes...

107. Oh.

108. - "Imported."

109. I got to watch you.

110. You know, Peggy, we're having the best time.

111. No, we didn't talk about that.

112. No, he didn't mention it.

113. That didn't come up, either.

114. Look, I'll be home later.

115. More.

116. More.

117. More.

118. Is it open?

119. Almost. Try again.

120. Wha... What are you doing?

121. - Get outta there.

122. Did you stop to think

123. that maybe the backhoe wasn't the best tool

124. for opening up a beer can?

125. Yeah, Hank, I did.

126. That... Oh! Man.

127. Hank did it.

128. What would you guys think if someone had a beer with us out here?

129. Like someone just wanders over, like a stranger?

130. No. No, this guy I know.

131. Good guy.

132. It's a big alley.

133. Boy, Hank sure does seem excited.

134. Hal, this is Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer.

135. - Hey, fellas. - Yo.

136. Say, look, uh, Hank told me about your situation,

137. and I was thinking you could just use a metal detector,

138. trace the pipes back to your tank.

139. "A metal detector"?

140. The detector would go off constantly

141. due to the high levels of extraterrestrial alloy in our soil,

142. which acts as a homing beacon to the Martian capital of...

143. city.

144. Yeah, yeah.

145. That's a good joke, Dale.

146. Dale sure can tell a joke.

147. Hey, you know, on the way over, I passed this huge trackhoe.

148. Fourteen-tonner.

149. What do you say we go check her out?

150. Sorry, but we've got business to transact.

151. I'll go.

152. Hank's going to come back...

153. now.

154. Nope.

155. Now.

156. Nope.

157. Man, this is dang old pathetic, man.

158. We got better things to do than sitting around on that dang old...

159. Talking about old Jenny kid, man, getting that sheriff, man.

160. Later.

161. I'm surprised Boomhauer stayed as long as he did.

162. - All right, then. - Yep.

163. What are you guys doing?

164. Oh, so you care what we're doing, do you?

165. And he doesn't care.

166. You said you'd be back in a minute.

167. We waited a minute.

168. Then we waited another.

169. And then after about a million minutes...

170. I forgot why I was counting.

171. Well, what's the big deal?

172. You don't get upset when I come home late from work.

173. One, we get very upset when you work late,

174. and two, you were out with him.

175. Didn't you think Peggy might be worried

176. you being gone so long?

177. I called her.

178. Yeah, well...

179. - We're being phased out. - Out.

180. - Ha! - Ow!

181. Do not watch the eyes, Bobby.

182. - The eyes cannot be trusted.

183. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twi..."

184. - Ow!

185. Hey, Peggy. Hal just took me to this store

186. that only sells fireplace hardware.

187. "Fireplace hardware"?

188. Boomhauer must've been in hog heaven.

189. Uh, yeah, well, I didn't really invite Boomhauer.

190. Or Bill or Dale, for that matter.

191. Mom!

192. What?

193. Part of the fun with Hal is doing new stuff with someone new,

194. and if the guys can't handle that,

195. well, that's why I don't tell them.

196. - Hank. - Hal.

197. So, where's that bait-and-tackle shop

198. you won't shut up about?

199. False alarm, Hank. Went last night.

200. They didn't know a floater from a sinker.

201. Now, you want to see a great new store,

202. make a left at the light, then out to McMainerberry,

203. sport shop that spins around.

204. - Used to be a restaurant.

205. 10:15, Hank picks up Hal.

206. What?

207. 10:15, Hank picks up Hal.

208. What?

209. I said, "10:15, Hank picks up Hal!"

210. Hank and Hal, I see.

211. So, this guy is trying

212. - to fill a service tank... - Uh-huh.

213. and the drip-lip vent is in the six o'clock position.

214. What... Instead of 12:00?

215. Exactly.

216. You sure you never worked in propane?

217. Hobby, that's all.

218. I'm losing him.

219. Slowly.

220. Sing it, brother.

221. Hey, wha...

222. What's that? There! There! Over there!

223. Hey.

224. Dale. Bill.

225. Dale. Bill.

226. Boy, I tell ya, your tank's as big as a school bus.

227. Laid in pretty nicely, all the same.

228. All I see is trespassing.

229. - Hank. - Hal.

230. That was our project.

231. You should be thanking me.

232. Hal worked that backhoe so fast,

233. we're going to save a couple days' rental.

234. Yeah, and with the money you save, you can buy your friend Hal

235. a dozen roses.

236. Now you're buying him roses?

237. That's it, Hank. It's us or him.

238. You can't make me choose.

239. Us or him?

240. All right, him.

241. "Him" means Hal, you know.

242. That's the way we phrased the question.

243. You know where I think we went wrong?

244. Making him choose.

245. Where we went wrong

246. is not staying with that backhoe.

247. Whoever controls the backhoe, controls Hank.

248. You think?

249. Yes, I do think.

250. As long as we're, for lack of a better word,

251. "incompetent" with the backhoe, we will be Hankless.

252. I know a place we can practice.

253. The Army's got an old minefield.

254. No one's ever there.

255. Don't be insane, Bill.

256. We'll never get past security.

257. But I know an abandoned pet cemetery

258. with our names on it.

259. Nice hole, Bill.

260. Thank you.

261. May I?

262. Please.

263. Nickel says I can pick that dandelion over there,

264. bring it back here,

265. blow on it, and make a wish.

266. - Come on! - Come on, honey pie!

267. Come on, baby.

268. - Come on, sweetie. Come on, baby. - Come on.

269. Bill, shift your weight. Lean forward.

270. All right.

271. Maybe we could, uh, hold on to that tree branch,

272. and swing out of the hole

273. like a monkey in the jungle.

274. Help!

275. Someone!

276. Help!

277. Oh, forget it.

278. No one can hear us,

279. or if they can, they don't care.

280. You're lucky. You're in the Army.

281. You've got a tracking device in your teeth.

282. They'll find you.

283. I'll tell them where you are.

284. You're good people.

285. Hal, it's Hank. Beer?

286. Sure.

287. Uh, well, no, that won't work.

288. My wife will have dinner ready in an hour,

289. and you're over 20 minutes away.

290. Yeah. Next time.

291. So, Bobby,

292. you know, it's been a while

293. since we've had a shoeshine party.

294. I'll get my box!

295. Hank, you don't really want to watch Bobby shine your shoes.

296. Honey, why don't you go out into the alley and have a beer with the guys?

297. Uh, all right.

298. Well, what about Bobby?

299. Well, it is spa-Peggy and meatballs night.

300. You do not have to worry about Bobby.

301. Boomhauer.

302. Hello, Hank.

303. Yep.

304. Yep.

305. Used to be a lot more lively around here.

306. Yep.

307. So, uh...

308. got any big dates?

309. Man, leave me alone, man.

310. I don't talk about them ol' questions, man.

311. Ol' question, question, question, man.

312. Like my dang ol' mother, man.

313. "Boomhauer, when you gonna get married,

314. make me a grandmother?"

315. An exterminator in a pet cemetery.

316. I have many enemies here.

317. Took me about 17 minutes to get here.

318. Huh.

319. Took me 18.

320. Maybe tomorrow we can meet, uh...

321. I don't know, uh, that Exxon over there.

322. That ought to even things out.

323. Uh, man, I don't know.

324. I only get a 45-minute lunch hour.

325. Let's try getting together tonight.

326. Eh, I don't know.

327. By the time I get home from Strickland Propane

328. and come down from the day...

329. Let's shoot for next Saturday.

330. Yeah, yeah.

331. Oh!

332. No. Saturday's Bobby's football game,

333. and he really likes me to watch it with him.

334. Huh.

335. Hmm.

336. Huh.

337. Guess this is it, then.

338. Yeah.

339. Well...

340. you take care of that truck of yours.

341. I'm going to miss that crazy bastard.

342. We invested all that time and effort, maybe,

343. in Hank,

344. and he has forsaken us.

345. Well, everything forsakes me.

346. I mean, sometimes I... I think I should just...

347. stop putting myself out there.

348. We don't need Hank.

349. We are two beta males at the top of our game!

350. And you didn't mention that we're lovable

351. and that I've got a lot of love to give.

352. I know!

353. How's the market been treating you, sir?

354. - I took a pretty big hit today.

355. I got worries.

356. Where's my backhoe, Hank?

357. Hey. How are you? You want to come in, have a beer?

358. I want my backhoe.

359. It wasn't returned by Dale Gribble or Bill Dauterive?

360. No.

361. I saw them drive off on joyride with backhoe.

362. You mean, they missing?

363. Minh! Yeah, hey, Minh.

364. Two down, two to go!

365. Huh?

366. There's got to be something to eat in that box.

367. Okay, you got... Oh!

368. What?

369. Looks like a fun project.

370. It is none of your business.

371. We were just on our lunch break,

372. which is over,

373. so if you do not mind,

374. we will be getting back to work.

375. - Yeah, that... That's good.

376. Did you see it move?

377. All right. Well, I'll get out of your hair.

378. But before I go, I am curious.

379. What's the best way of driving out of that hole?

380. Hmm...

381. I mean, you guys have more experience

382. with this machine than me.

383. What do you think? Would it be better to widen the hole beyond the tree

384. then extend the boom, plant the bucket,

385. let out the outriggers,

386. then release and replant the bucket...

387. Wait, wait, we...

388. We'll humor your little experiment,

389. but you'll have to slow down.

390. On your left there, pull the extender as far back...

391. Left, is it?

392. Yeah, the lever closest to me.

393. Take that in your hand.

394. Good.

395. Little more. Little more.

396. Keep going. Good!

397. My legs.

398. Well, you haven't moved in about 50 hours.

399. Yeah. Thanks, but no thanks, Hal's friend.

400. Where is Hal?

401. Huh, Hank?

402. - Hal's gone. - Yep.

403. All right, let's go.

404. - You think you can ignore me

405. for two days and then act like nothing happened?

406. All right, look,

407. you guys are something Hal will never be.

408. My neighbors.

409. - Apology accepted.

410. Friendship is our country's sweetest wine.

411. All right, you're very delirious.

412. So, I was thinking, on the backhoe rental,

413. your friend Hal should chip in.

414. I mean, he used it, too.

415. I can put you back in the ground.