King of the Hill 4x6

Directed by

Emily Erwin as Rose (voice) • Natalie Maines as Violetta (voice) • Martie Maguire as Lily (voice) • Don Meredith as Self (voice) • Meryl Streep as Aunt Esme Dauterive (voice)

Bill meets Cajun relatives and Hank competes for $1 million in a beer promotion at a football game in New Orleans.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Did you win?

2. "Sorry. Please drink another beer."

3. That's what I call losing the battle but winning the war.

4. Hurry up, Hank, finish your beer.

5. It could be the winning Alamo beer can!

6. Bill, the odds of winning that contest are one in a million.

7. Yeah, if you only drink one beer.

8. Imagine, Hank, a trip to New Orleans.

9. A chance to meet "Dandy" Don Meredith

10. and win one of those really big cardboard checks.

11. Mm. "Sorry. Please drink another beer."

12. Well, they asked nicely.

13. "Sorry. Please drink another beer."

14. That made some room.

15. Well, I think I'm going to call it a night.

16. Pour it on the ground. See if you won.

17. I have never poured out beer,

18. even to put out a grass fire.

19. - Hi, Uncle Hank. - Luanne.

20. First of all, you didn't win anything.

21. Uh-uh. I won a million dollars.

22. No, the contest gives the winner the right

23. to go to the Dallas Cowboys New Orleans Saint game

24. and throw a football

25. through a small hole in a large beer can

26. for a million dollars.

27. Or have Dallas Cowboys legend Don Meredith to throw it

28. to win 100,000.

29. If you'd read the point of purchase display

30. at 7-Eleven, you'd know that.

31. Okay, so I throw the ball through the hole

32. and then I win.

33. No. I paid for that beer, so it's mine.

34. Let's just say it is your beer. How old are you?

35. Nineteen and a half.

36. Exactly. If you tried to claim your prize,

37. you'd be incarcerated for underage drinking.

38. So if it's your beer, you'd get to go to jail.

39. Now, if it's my beer, you get to come to New Orleans with us.

40. Your call.

41. New Orleans!

42. So, Hank, what are you going to do with the hundred thou?

43. 'Course, you could go for the million dollars.

44. You know, I don't think a civilian's ever made it.

45. A ten-yard pass through a one-foot hole,

46. people screaming in the stands.

47. Thank God for Don Meredith.

48. Thank you, God.

49. It's like they're paying us 100,000 dollars

50. to meet Don Meredith.

51. Something I would have done for free.

52. That money could pay for Bobby's college,

53. and a mini-fridge for his dorm room.

54. Yeah.

55. You know, we could buy all sorts of higher education

56. and appliances with, uh, a million dollars.

57. What? Are you really thinking of taking that throw yourself?

58. Uh, what would you think if I was thinking that?

59. Hank, honey, if you are willing to give up a sure thing

60. and go for the million,

61. well, you've got more frijoles

62. than any man I've ever known.

63. What you doin', Hank?

64. Uh, I'm just seeing what it's going to be like

65. for Don Meredith at the Superdome.

66. How about I come with?

67. I've always wanted to eat fried dough

68. in the most corrupt city on Earth.

69. Uh, that's nice and all, but you don't have to bother.

70. It's no bother.

71. You can drive us, and we'll stay in your hotel room.

72. Uh, well...

73. I guess we could...

74. Wingo, man! We're going to New Orleans!

75. Hey, you know, I'll come with, too.

76. The Dauterives are from Louisiana.

77. I lived in the Bayou till I was six years old!

78. My Aunt Esme still lives there. You think we can look her up?

79. Uh, dang it, I know we can.

80. I planned out the route to New Orleans very carefully.

81. There is plenty of time for a side trip.

82. Bill, I didn't know you grew up in Cajun Country,

83. and I don't care.

84. Hmm.

85. And how is my man with the golden arm?

86. Call the bank, make sure they have room in our account

87. for one million dollars.

88. You're going to go for it?

89. Oh, Hank!

90. Yeah.

91. Well, I made 42 out of 50.

92. Would have made 43,

93. but I used a throw to drop a blue jay at 20 feet

94. before he could poop on your car.

95. - You're that good? - Mm-hm.

96. I guess you could say my aim is deadly.

97. That blue jay's fine, though.

98. Uh, he's speaking some kind of French.

99. Let me handle this.

100. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

101. Hey, Senor.

102. Digame la direcciones

103. A la casa de los Dauterives, por favor.

104. He wants a tip.

105. Bill, I had no idea that you spoke Cajun.

106. Perhaps that's because I... I try not to ask you questions.

107. Well, I had no idea, either.

108. Voila! Ici! Ici!

109. Good lord.

110. I always figured your family lived in a tar paper shack.

111. Nope.

112. Oh.

113. Hank, Peggy, Bobby, Luanne, Dale...

114. Boomhauer.

115. Who are you?

116. Answers in the form of English, please.

117. I am Gilbert Fontaine de la tour Dauterive.

118. The man of the house.

119. Dale Gribble.

120. I am Rose, the youngest.

121. Oh. Yeah.

122. I am Lily, the youngest-looking.

123. - You're terrible.

124. I am Violetta, the pretty one.

125. You are a garden of women.

126. And you are the Guillaume we've heard so much about.

127. The last remaining Dauterive male.

128. - Or should I say... - Oh, don't bother.

129. Oh!

130. You kind of snuck up on me there.

131. Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

132. I've always been a creeper.

133. Violetta says I creep like the kudzu vines

134. that are slowly but surely strangling our Dixie.

135. Ah. Uh...

136. What fascinating thing are y'all doing?

137. Uh, I'm going to be throwing at a target about yea big

138. at the Cowboy-Saints game.

139. If I make it, I win a million dollars.

140. Golden Richards was a Dallas Cowboy.

141. Yeah, yeah, he caught a touchdown pass

142. in Super Bowl XII.

143. He was a beautiful man.

144. I knew him briefly.

145. My husband, Alphonse Dauterive,

146. William's uncle by blood.

147. When did he pass?

148. Oh, he lingers in a room in the back of the house

149. hanging on by the thread of a hope

150. he'll see the Dauterive name

151. passed on to another generation.

152. Does Guillaume have any sons?

153. Nope. Bill is unhappily divorced and without child.

154. Pity.

155. The Dauterive blood is down to a trickle.

156. My two sons and my son-in-law, Girac, Rene and Emeril,

157. died of arterial sclerosis in their 20s,

158. leaving three desperate, childless widows

159. to wander this house.

160. They are strings on a harp stretched far too taut.

161. If they are not strummed soon,

162. I'm afraid...

163. Well, they really need to be strummed.

164. This is right out of Shakespeare.

165. This is my husband Girac.

166. The Louisiana diet will kill a man

167. as surely as a sword.

168. Uh-huh. So, uh, Rose, you're not married?

169. I'm all alone in this world, Guillaume.

170. Oh...

171. Rose.

172. Rose?

173. Oh, hello, Lily.

174. That was pretty!

175. Now, was that a song, or... or is it suppertime?

176. My late husband Rene and I

177. used to make music together.

178. Now they're only notes.

179. Oh.

180. Oh, you play beautifully.

181. I'm surprised as you are.

182. Robert, a young gentleman like you

183. should dress for dinner.

184. Well, let's just poke around my old chifforobe

185. and find you something suitable.

186. My Lord, this muggy November weather gives me the horribles.

187. Robert, this here is velvet, not velveteen.

188. A gentleman must learn the difference.

189. My Lord!

190. Dinner, like youth, will be served.

191. Yo.

192. Hello.

193. I present you young Master Robert.

194. Mm. Lovely.

195. Oh, my God.

196. Uh, Bobby, why don't you let me sit next to Gilbert

197. so we can, uh, talk sports?

198. So, uh...

199. Gilbert, how do the Saints look this year, huh?

200. I'm more familiar with sinners than Saints, my dear,

201. and sinners always look good.

202. Get me out of here.

203. Honey, you need to try and relax

204. before your big throw.

205. Yeah.

206. You know, I'm not sure being a millionaire is such a good idea.

207. Bobby's only been around rich people for a few hours

208. and he already looks like that kid on the paint can.

209. There's more to it than that, isn't there?

210. This place, it...

211. it gives me the creeps.

212. Everything's upside-down.

213. Bill's getting women and Bobby, well...

214. I missed a bunch of throws today, and I'm just thinking,

215. what happens when I get to the Superdome

216. with all those fans watching?

217. Don't you think Don Meredith missed a few passes in practice?

218. But when the game was on the line,

219. he put it right on the money

220. to "Bullet" Bob Hayes and Lance "No Pants" Rentzel.

221. See, that's just it. He's the quarterback.

222. I bet if the contest was about selling propane, he'd let me do it.

223. You can do this.

224. Then, after we get back to Arlen,

225. We'll put the million dollars in a trust fund

226. so it won't ruin Bobby till after we're dead.

227. I hate zydeco.

228. Where's your bag, Bill?

229. I've decided to stay for a few days.

230. Bill, those women are trying to seduce you.

231. You think so, too? I was afraid it was just me.

232. Listen to me.

233. Two of these women are widows of the dead Dauterive sons.

234. They are only related by marriage, so they are in play.

235. But one of them is your flesh-and-blood cousin.

236. She is your ticket to hell.

237. Oh, my God. Which one is my cousin?

238. That I do not know.

239. So just to be safe, keep your hands off all three.

240. I still have a two-out-of-three chance.

241. I never had those odds.

242. - Bill, if you think... - Goodbye, Peggy.

243. Well, I need a window seat because this flower is wiltin'.

244. Oh, Lord.

245. All right, everyone in the car now. Go!

246. Go, go, go, go, go!

247. Have a pleasant journey...

248. - ... and don't be afraid to ask directions

249. from someone who has already been

250. where you think you need to go.

251. What's that supposed to mean?

252. Let "Dandy" Don Meredith take the throw.

253. Hank, I'd like you to meet Don Meredith.

254. So, you must be Hank Hill.

255. Oh.

256. Mr. Meredith, I have admired you

257. from your playing days to Monday Night Football

258. to your iced tea commercials.

259. Well, my mom always calls me "Don" or "Donny."

260. Wow, that's a great story, Mr. Meredith.

261. Uh, sir, this is my wife, Peggy.

262. If you were a woman, I believe my husband

263. would have married you instead of me.

264. Funny how life works out.

265. Well, who's this little future nose guard?

266. Look, Don. I'm a Dandy, too.

267. Why, you sure are, little sport.

268. Yeah.

269. - Ah. - Hey, that reminds me, Don.

270. I've got your old jersey for you to wear during the contest.

271. Yeah, nah, I hung that thing up a long time ago.

272. Why don't you let my friend Hank, here, wear it?

273. Oh, I would be honored.

274. - You got the pants, too? - Oh, yeah.

275. Cowboy Metallic Blue.

276. Like father, like son.

277. There you go, sport.

278. Oh, Rose.

279. I was just tidying up your husband's grave.

280. Oh, you are a sweet, sweet man.

281. "D-A-U..."

282. Dauterive! Your husband is a Dauterive!

283. - And he's dead. - Take me.

284. - Okay.

285. Now's the time to fake an injury if you want to.

286. It's halftime, Hank. We're on.

287. Now it's time for the Alamo Beer million-dollar throw.

288. Alamo Beer would like to welcome our contest winner,

289. Hank Hill, from Arlen, Texas,

290. and Dallas Cowboy legend, "Dandy" Don Meredith.

291. - Yeah, Dad!

292. What's it going to be, Hank?

293. Are you going to go for the million

294. or you going to let "Dandy" Don try it for 100,000 dollars?

295. Don't worry, Peggy. Our boy's going to college.

296. I'm going to take the sure thing.

297. Aren't you going to take off your jacket?

298. Tough break, son.

299. How about a nice hand for "Dandy" Don Meredith?

300. He didn't even take off his jacket.

301. I want a do-over.

302. I could have made that throw!

303. Hey! Where are you going?

304. You owe my son a college education!

305. Hey, you, get back here...

306. Rose?

307. Uh-uh. It is I, Violetta.

308. Oh, I'm glad you're here.

309. Can I ask you something?

310. The answer is yes.

311. Yeah, I know, but your first husband,

312. what is the name on his final resting crypt?

313. Answer him, Violetta.

314. Lily, begone!

315. - Hi, Lily. - This is wrong!

316. Violetta is your blood cousin, Guillaume.

317. She's lying. I'm not your cousin. She is!

318. You are the liar.

319. Guillaume.

320. Rose?

321. We are not alone.

322. Yes, I know.

323. She is your cousin.

324. - No, she is. - No, she is!

325. Gilbert?

326. Your cousin is Violetta.

327. Now, how long you been sitting there?

328. Thirty-five years.

329. I was the quarterback,

330. and I had a clear path to the end zone.

331. But instead, I handed it off to a guy in a fuzzy coat

332. who threw it like a place kicker.

333. I do believe I'll give room service a jangle

334. and have them send up some etouffe.

335. No!

336. Hey. Hold it right there.

337. - What do you want? - An apology.

338. Huh. You're the one who blindsided a quarterback at the knees, Hoss.

339. Uh, well, yeah, I guess that was unsportsman-like conduct.

340. I'm sorry.

341. But still, well, here's my point.

342. I would have made that throw.

343. Uh-huh. If "if" and "buts" were candy and nuts,

344. we'd all have a Merry Christmas.

345. I would have.

346. All right, Hoss. Prove it.

347. Take us to the Superdome, cabby.

348. Violetta tells me she discovered you

349. in a compromising position with Rose and Lily.

350. Tell me this.

351. Were you here to till the soil and nurture the vine,

352. or were you just playing in the garden?

353. Playing.

354. I think it would be best if you took your leave.

355. Can I say goodbye to the girls?

356. Ten yards, one shot.

357. Congratulations, son. You feel better?

358. No. It's not the same.

359. There's no fans in the stands.

360. There's no pressure,

361. and I didn't win a million dollars.

362. Let me tell you something, Hank.

363. What happened yesterday is gone.

364. Maybe you would have made that throw,

365. but you picked me.

366. Yeah, I picked you, but I thought at least

367. you would have taken off your jacket.

368. Hank, I practiced that throw all week at home.

369. I even made a ten-foot tall replica of the Alamo beer can.

370. It gets cold in New Mexico this time of year,

371. so I wore my coat.

372. I wasn't going to change that yesterday.

373. I didn't want to screw up my throwing motion.

374. Huh. Well, had I known that,

375. I probably wouldn't have tackled you.

376. Damned if I didn't want to come through for you.

377. I'm sorry I let you down, but you'll be a lot happier

378. if you let this one go, Hank.

379. I'll never have a chance like this again.

380. Nope. You won't.

381. You know, there's something I wanted

382. as much as you wanted that million dollars.

383. Don, you have everything.

384. You were a Cowboy during the Landry years.

385. I wanted to go to the Super Bowl.

386. Came close, but it never happened.

387. Never will, and that's all right.

388. I've never looked back.

389. It is an honor just to be on the field with you, "Dandy" Don.

390. You know, I built a ten-foot Alamo beer can, too.

391. Huh. Did you spot-weld it or hot glue?

392. - Weld. - That's the only way to go, Hoss.

393. Nice weekend, Bill?

394. Both of them!

395. Wow, that's a great story, Mr. Meredith.